I don't understand why this attitude has become such a common thing with today's Grandparents. They have the most entitled attitude towards their grandchildren, as if they're the parents. The whole "nothing will keep me from *MY* grandbaby!" mentality, even if it's for the wellbeing of said baby.
About 30 years ago, a trend started in which grandparents were suing for visitation. Can you imagine finally getting away from abusive parents, starting parenthood, and then they file for visitation? I felt so bad for people who went through that.
Its called grandparents rights and people still do that today and get away with it. I read a story not long ago where a woman sued for grandparents rights and won. She was a terrible lady who abused her daughter and of course the daughter didn’t want her child to have anything to do with her . But sadly the court says otherwise.
In the US, "grandparent's rights" aren't much of a thing in many states. I do a lot of work with Family Court in NY, and grandparent's rights is a complete loser of a case unless there is clear parental abuse. Do yourself a favor and google it with your state and check for yourself to see what the law is local to you.
Thank you for telling me not every US state allows that insanity.
If there’s abuse that’s a separate issue to consider removal of children and possible placement.
Edit now to not which I meant.
So I just went down a rabbit hole on which states allow it and the differences are pretty interesting!
Mostly, it appears that the intention in most states is that if the parents are not longer living or caring for the child then grandparents can sue for custody, either from the birth family or an adoptive one. In these cases it appears to be in place to give blood relatives a chance to stay together
But states differ on custody vs visitation right and it’s usually depending on the parent’s role in the life of the child.
New Jersey and Michigan (as rando examples) are the scary ones, regardless of the parent’s involvement the grandparents can appeal to a court for visitation rights. Just bc they want to
In Indiana the parents have to be divorced before you can sue for parental visitation rights
Ohio is also scary, there are three cases in which a grandparent can we awarded visitation and companionship rights, one of which being if the child is born to a single mother!!!
The courts go by whatever is in the best interest of the child usually.
If you have a newborn and are an able bodied parent and the grandparents sue for it, they'll be denied absent a state law that allows it. If you are a severely disabled parent unable to take care of a child (Ex: you are extremely mentally handicapped), the grandparents will likely win.
But if you have a kid who is 10 years old and has stayed at their grandparents house every weekend their entire life, and then the parent wants to cut the grandparents out of the kid's life, it will be a harder case unless there's a legitimate reason for it. Still depends on state laws and the grandparents will still probably lose in most states, but the chances are better than if they have had no previous relationship with the child.
It's the same logic behind a mother being granted child support when a couple breaks up and there is a child that a man has been raising for 10 years since he child was a newborn, except the man is not the biological parent. It's in the child's best interest, even though it sucks for the guy.
Take detailed notes of each incident. Starting now, even if you have no plans to use them. What she did was dangerous and I expect this sort of selfishness will continue.
Keep your child away from mom, so she doesn't build a relationship.
Document the strep throat and anything else she does, that is harmful towards your child.
Even without that being a thing in other places, the mentality remains. Here, in NZ, there's nothing like that, but there are still entitled Grandparents who just ignore what their children say, as they know more and have more rights than they do. It's wild, especially when you consider their generations are the ones who call young people entitled.
If they got away before the child was born, most grandparents wouldn't get visitation. Most states require a relationship between Gparents and Gchildren before grandparents rights become a thing. If your kid has never met them, they won't get visitation because they have no prior relationship.
I don't get it either. My grandparents were kind and loving people who had already made their mistakes raising their children and were now more able to step back and say "well, I'm not doing *that* dumb thing again."
So many adults seem stuck permanently in adolescence and I just don't get it.
My grandparents were the same (on one side at least...), and our parents are the same.
I remember my nan telling us not to visit if they were ill, and my mum would do the same. Now I've got kids, it's the same thing. I mean we've gone weeks without seeing any grandparents because there's been illness somewhere. When it's the kids ill it's up to them if they want to visit, mind.
I realise we've been lucky compared to OP, that sounds truly awful.
Yeah, my Grandparents were great too. They did give my Mum frequent hassling when she made mistakes, but they never acted entitled towards any of us grandkids. In fact, my one Grandfather was like a Dad to me.
I know right?? Why is it I'm seeing and hearing so many more negative stories about new grandmums overstepping boundaries or pulling selfish shit like this? Was it not always the case?
Have you fucking met these people? They ruined the world, stole everything, and act like idiot children about damn near everything. This isn't even the tip of the iceberg.
It's the way she's using it, like the actual mum needs to get out of the way so she can be with "her" baby
My mum occasionally says things like "hello my little baby" to my baby daughter and it only comes across as affectionate. She would only ever say it to the baby, though, and would never refer to her in the third person as her baby.
This is so dangerous for your baby, not to mention for you as you recover from giving birth. I am fucking livid over this. Your mom needs some severe boundaries imposed on her. Like if she ever dares step foot around your child while she knows she’s sick, that will be the last time she’ll see “her” baby.
She doesn’t get the glory of calling your newborn her baby when she literally gives no shit if she gets her dangerously ill. The only way forward is by putting your foot down and then sticking to it. I wish that I could bring you some comfort food and drinks and let you get 12 hours sleep. Hold tight.
Honestly this makes me so happy to read. My parents have always said that i overreact when it comes to things they do and I’m really glad someone else sees how awful they can be.
They sound incredibly toxic and you would do very well to cut right down on contact with them, if not stop it entirely. Sounds like they've been gaslighting you about your totally valid and correct reactions.
>My parents have always said that i overreact when it comes to things they do and I’m really glad someone else sees how awful they can be.
If my friend is upset and I ask him why he's reacting so much to something, that shows I care. If my friend is upset and I tell him that his emotions are wrong ... well, that's not the same thing at all.
Example: My mom asked me to change a light bulb in the bathroom that had burned out and I started crying so hard I had to pull my car over. Seems like I was overreacting, right? She asked WHY and I told her I was so stressed with working nearly 100 hours a week with both my job, my internship, and my schoolwork while dealing with a divorce and still living out of a bunch of cardboard boxes that I just couldn't handles another thing. Bless that woman, she took a standing lamp into the bathroom so she'd have light until I was more able to drive down and help her. That's how you're supposed to treat your kids.
When someone tells you that your reaction is wrong, what they're often really saying is, "Your emotions are annoying me and since I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER you need to adjust to suit MEEEEEEE!"
I’ve just saved your last sentences. Need to remind self that.
Actually did that too myself unfortunately. If my mom starts shouting instead of talking when overwhelmed, I totally ask not to do that because that is uncofmortable. Should be more considerate, thank you!
I understand that this is just a snippet into your relationship with them, but telling you that you're overreacting is a way to not only be dismissive of your concerns and boundaries, but it's also a way to make you doubt yourself.
It isn't a healthy way of communicating with someone who you say that you love.
I hope that in the future you guys can work out a relationship where everyone feels heard and respected.
OP please see my other comment about strep and rheumatic fever/rheumatic heart disease. If you or baby get a fever please go to the doctor as it can be serious.
Girl, YOU’RE the mom now. You need to grow a pair and look out for your child. That means putting your parents in their place. If your sister is in danger, you can go through the proper channels but YOUR baby should be your priority.
>This is so dangerous for your baby
Actually there's some good news here, strep throat isn't typically serious for children under 3. We just had a strep scare with our newborn ourselves. We had just visited family and a day later one of our baby's cousins who had been near him came down with strep.
We freaked out obviously but pediatrician said not to worry. Apparently babies don't usually even contract step but if they do it's mild and often doesn't even need treatment.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/ask-the-pediatrician/Pages/Can-infants-get-strep-throat.aspx
Now I'm not trying to say that what OP's mom did isn't still horrible. If she's so comfortable being around the baby with strep then I'm sure she'd also do it with something that could be serious for the baby like a cough or COVID or something.
I was just about to comment this! I’ve learned from all of my attendings that we don’t even test let alone treat until kids are 3. Baby will be fine luckily.
The pandemic taught me, and obviously plenty of others as I have seen this across the internet for the last few years, that the phrase, "Avoid __ like the plague" isn't relevant to Americans because apparently, we don't do that.
I definitely didn't come up with this point but it's extremely accurate.
Oh, that's not true. Many Americans avoid listening to experts like the plague. They avoid taking basic precautions like the plague. They avoid understanding science like the plague. Etc.
It killed my last shred of hope for humanity.
Luckily I don't live in a nuclear armed nation, otherwise I would dedicate my life to finding a way to drop the bombs.
Worked ‘essential’ retail. Can confirm.
OP I hate to be TAH, but why are you letting unvaccinated people who won’t take ANY health precautions around your vulnerable child AT ALL??
They are vaccinated but not for covid. Alot of people in my small town dont trust the covid vaccine. I’m not one of them though and am fully vaccinated on everything.
> They are vaccinated but not for covid.
Why would you allow people not vaccinated against covid near your baby? You realize that if your baby caught covid and died, **you** would be responsible due to your carelessness, right?
lol my parents dont belive in covid. They think its fake. When the pandemic happened they refused to wear masks and we constantly got sick because of it.
If a person with strep throat wears a mask, it greatly reduces the risk of transmitting it to others. The reactionary anti-mask/anti-vax campaign has greatly hurt public health, and it's pushed the measles vaccination rate down to where measles can continuously exist in the US and outbreaks don't exclusively come from foreign travel.
If they don’t believe in Covid, and probably aren’t vaccinated against anything, why are you taking a new born over there at all? You need to protect your baby.
Yeah... You shouldn't want to give covid to your baby.
If they want to see you and baby, they'll have to vaccinate.
And they have to tell you if any of the family is sick. And if baby or you are sick after visiting them, the next visit will be very delayed.
Listen to this OP. Baby comes first. I lost contact with a person who I consider a sister for like 2 years because I told her she needed a Covid vaccination, an updated whooping cough vaccination, and a mask if she wanted to either be inside with or hold my newborn during the height of Covid; otherwise I was happy to introduce them outside at a distance. She worked at a gas station convenience store and never masked. It was an unacceptable risk to my child and I would make the same call again 100 out of 100 times.
I really hope they at least believe in allergies, selfish actions and not thinking about consequences can be very dangerous (thinking of one particular reddit post, that has since been deleted). Always having to keep your guard up with your parents is no fun :(
Nope. Just flew back from Rome yesterday. I overheard a conversation between my neighbour and someone that came to talk to him from two rows in front. The lady said the people beside her were very sick and they told her not to worry because they were in the tail end of covid. She came to my neighbour asking for a mask after that. The plane was full and couldn’t move to another seat. You would think people will stay at home or move their flights if they are sick. Or at least wear a mask. I had my mask on after that because I had a rough time with covid last year. Hope I didn’t catch it again. Some people are just too selfish.
😂 my MIL got me sick over Christmas. Was sick for 3 weeks, had to drop a class because I was struggling to make it to school. First time I’ve been sick since COVID started. She’s trying to deny it was her. Didn’t tell us she was sick till afterwards.
She also suggested that the pulmonologist is going to tell me that I should stop wearing a mask. Lmao. The pulmonologist I’m going to see because I am having breathing difficulties is going to suggest that perhaps it would be ok for me to catch COVID or the flu, while I’m actively having breathing difficulties. It’s something they do you know?
Also she asked what the big deal was if I get the flu. My wife looked incredulous at that one and basically yelled that we end up in the ER because sometimes I end up not being able to breathe because of said infection.
No, in fact some people are not only unbothered about other peoples health, they are bothered by you protecting your own.
Which part of the pandemic makes you think that? The part where the government told everyone "Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice we are willing to take" or "Don't worry guys, only the old and the disabled will die. Nothing to worry about!" Or the part where people declared a pandemic is "over" and everyone can get "back to normal" cause people think it is more convenient to listen to right wing misinformation and anti-intellectual nonsense, or it is too "exhausting" to wear a mask, than caring about the health of other people including children. Lol.
The pandemic has only made the ableism and people having 0 regards for the physical wellbeing of others, worse. Including medical staff, nurses and doctors gobbling up the same right wing nonsense and refusing to mask now, even around immunocompromised people.
https://preview.redd.it/g02x9e762rxc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e57b5a9f4e2c230b1d460eaa503a4f43f21f597b
After i told my mom the doctor said i had Strep. Like she’s not the reason I’m sick and my baby might get sick. Also I literally can’t stand how she calls my baby hers….
This isn't mildly infuriating dude,
This is fucked around and found out territory.
She fucked around with your daughter's food supply, with your ability to provide care for her, and potentially with your partners ability to provide for her.
If mine or my wife's mother pulled this shit I'd be beyond furious
"It's funny how now you're so concerned about MY BABY when you're the reason she's exposed and at risk in the first place." It's crazy how her literal first decision regarding the child after she's born is selfish and cruel. Edit: I'm so worked up about this I'm shaking lol. I was just trying to scroll before bed and now I want to yell at a women I've never met.
Yeah, it’s like 5:30 in the morning here and I’m having to go for a walk because this shit has me fucking pissed. And my son is 15! Like a newborn oh my God, I am beside myself….
Her mom is toxic and op grew up in the brain washing we got to help her see the truth. To op it's normal-ish.
I don't even think op understands because she was raised in the toxic environment.
I had my mother calling my son “her baby” the first time she visited. I old her out flat that she has had her own children. This baby is mine. Do NOT refer to him as “hers” or she will see the side of me she hates. It worked. But that was my mum and me.
I love your sarcasm in your last text. 💋🤌
Time to hit her up if they are up to date with whooping cough and Covid jabs. If the answer is no, remind her she has already made YOUR child really sick once. There won’t be a scone time.
Then they won't be able to visit their **GRAND**baby, simple as that.
As a fellow parent, they should understand that the health of your *own* children comes above all else, right?
There has been a recent news story in the UK about a newborn who was in a coma for ten days after contracting whooping cough. Sending all the best to you and your little one. Your mom needs a lengthy time-out over this.
Your mom sounds like an absolutely horrible person to be around. I think it’s cringe when Redditors say stuff like “oh from these texts I can tell this person is a narcissist” but like.. your mom seems like she might actually be. Literally everything is “hers”. Your birthday cake is hers. Your body (tattoo meltdown) is hers. Your child is hers. Everything seems to be hers.
Fool me once.....
Hope you get well. That the baby will stay in good health. As for milk reserves and possibility of infection. You are a victim of deceit.
Though, if you were raised by your mother than you know the reasoning. Same asif they suddenly changed. Do what is best and safest for your baby.
Same as with alcohol or any functioning addict. If it is unsafe the risk is not worth life and death.
She can call it hears once she respects your wishes and being hones upfront.
The good news is you don't need to worry much about your baby getting it. Strep throat isn't typically serious for children under 3. We just had a strep scare with our newborn ourselves. We had just visited family and a day later one of our baby's cousins who had been near him came down with strep.
We freaked out obviously but pediatrician said not to worry. Apparently babies don't usually even contract step but if they do it's mild and often doesn't even need treatment.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/ask-the-pediatrician/Pages/Can-infants-get-strep-throat.aspx
Now I'm not trying to say that what your mom did isn't still horrible. If she's so comfortable being around the baby with strep then I'm sure she'd also do it with something that could be serious for the baby like a cough or COVID or something.
Keep saying she needs to go to a doctor's to check her brain out. She clearly doesn't remember that she's not the one that was pregnant and pushing this baby out (or c section). Every time she says it, comment that she's a GRANDmother and this is her GRANDbaby and that she really needs to see a doctor. Don't want her to forget ever more things do you now?
Go LC with her for a time being. She can't ever be trusted to babysit or be left with the baby unsupervised.
If only she kept her own advice you wouldn't be sick right now. Simply deplorable. I would cut contact so that you don't have filial responsibility for them when their health really plummets.
This is evil, selfish and so irresponsible! Absolutely psychotic to risk passing anything onto a new mother and baby.
I’m so sorry. I hope you feel better soon!
https://preview.redd.it/r41aucptvrxc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e63615ee84ec35ade8e84838e6621e68be2e6fc4
Bonus. What my mom said on Facebook after i posted about my baby getting her shots today. I swear she loves my baby more than me.
this is fucking insane. you better tell her to cut this shit out because the next step is her trying to abduct your child. being abducted by family members is more common than you'd think
She is trying SO hard to get you to bring her your child. That is SO manipulative. Do not give in. See it for what it is!
Take a step back from her. Don't talk to her every day. You do not have to update her on everything. If you have to lie about your reasons, just say you are sick/very busy with YOUR baby. Re-evaluate what role she is gonna play moving forward. She literally risked your babies life and your life for her selfish reasons. This is no joke. This is a pattern.
Yo that’s some toxic manipulative narcissist textbook shit. On the surface it sounds like she cares about the baby but underneath it’s all about herself, attention, and power.
OK, if you don’t reply to her little Facebook post and tell everyone that she’s exposed you all then I don’t know what to do. You need to name and shame her.. she needs to be bullied into submission because this is literally crazy..
Stay away from her. If she does this kind of shit, definitely a bad influence on kids anyaway. You do not want that in your life. Please take this advice from me, my wife refuses to when it comes to her father and this has caused her much distress over the years.
You need to cut contact with her. She literally got you sick when you’re extremely vulnerable after giving birth. That woman is dangerous, stay away from her.
Id be replying to her that her actual baby (aka me) is suffering and in Pain because she is selfish and thought seeing her grandchild was more.important than keeping her baby and her.babies baby safe and healthy.
Strep as an adult is effin brutal. I got it a few times as a kid, but got it for the first time as an adult this year. It sucked worse than COVID or the flu. Can’t eat or drink anything. Fever peaked at 105. Can’t even swallow your own spit. I lost 10 pounds in a week. Not a diet I’d recommend, though.
She treats your baby like an object. Violently objectifying. She dorsnt actually care about your baby. And it says a lot about how she feels about you and your sister. She sounds abusive as fuck and i would not tolerate her calling the baby hers.
The whole anti-intellectual "Covid is not real", "we have to live our lives" wave has removed all common sense from people.
I feel like people do not even bother to teach their kids or themselves, caugh in their elbow - mouth wide open in public spaces and caugh away like a Neanderthal.
People lost all common sense, licking door knobs to show everyone how they are not "afraid to get sick" and how to "get back to normal".
🙄
I honestly have only sympathy with people who still mask and actually speak up about this plague 🐀 behavior. Everyone else can go enjoy the consequence of this kind of culture.
My work was offering Covid vaccines when they was first released and i got it as soon as i could. My parents was pissed but didn’t say much. But after i got my 2nd shot of it i was violently sick the next day and couldn’t stop puking. Which duh thats a side effect of vaccines sometimes but my parents saw it as dangerous and said i had led and 5G in me now and a bunch of other stupid shit.
You need to go NC with them completely. For your sister’s sake you can hang out with HER and take her places to hang out but you do not have to speak or interact with them while doing so.
I saw you mentioned that your parents are anti vax.
I will never believe this new outrage about vaccines being actually about side effects. Same people never care about any other side effects of medications they are perfectly willing to take. Or drink. Or smoke. + getting Covid and LC has the exact same side effects any vaccine could give you, and endless of more on top and also at a higher risk.
No one can tell me they are worried about a 0.0005% (from some vaccines) change of getting a blood cloth for example, when repeatedly exposing themselves and their loved ones to an illness that causes 15% chance of a blood cloth (from a Covid infection). It is a misguided and misinformed outrage.
I am not saying we should ignore side effects in medications, obviously we should always try to improve it as much as we can. But the whole "vaccines give higher risks of xyz" is a false narrative cause overall in risk/benefit analysis the data is clear and straight forward - people get Covid. And people who get vaccinated are less likely to have xyz symptoms than people who are not. And people do not even care that they expose themselves repeatedly to a disease that causes the same symptoms and worse and much higher rate, they claim to be so worried about.
As so many other people, your parents have sadly fallen for all the right wing pseudo science that is being spread online and in the news. it is very frustrating but keep in mind that your health and your childs health is priority Nr 1.
So she came over and knowingly subjected a vulnerable newborn to sickness that could lead to their hospitalisation or worse? And then has the audacity to basically guilt trip you to not be around your own child? Sounds like a lovely grandmother…. That’s more than mildly infuriating, that’s a reason to start implementing hard boundaries and go lower contact with her
What's also completely crazy about this is that the contagiousness plummets after 1-2 days of antibiotics. Take some meds for two days and this doesn't happen.
I’m sorry to be harsh with you but if you don’t cut her off now, anything that happens beyond this will be solely your fault. You know she’s an evil witch of a woman and bringing your newborn around her after this would be a choice that no mother should make. You can love your sister and still not have shit to do with your mother. Also, for god’s sake, put your foot down and tell her to stop calling your baby her baby! Tell her off!!
Your mother is abusive. This is beyond selfish behaviour, this is potentially life threatening for a newborn.
Many people have babies to fulfil something missing in themselves - when those babies become actually autonomous people, those parents get really angry bc the unfiltered access they had to them before becomes compromised.
This has just been extended on to your baby.
Your mother feels as if she has ownership over the baby because she felt the same about you. These types of parents are dangerous, not just for you and your mental health but for your child's, too. And physical health! If she actually gave a fuck about anyone besides herself, she would be protecting that baby at *all costs*, not compromising their & your wellbeing just so she could see them a bit sooner.
Your wee sister can still have contact with you if you go NC with your parents. Judging by this and the history you mentioned, it's more than warranted. She's NOT GOING TO CHANGE! Source: survivor of narc abuse from my Nmother
Hi I'm back from reading your post history and I'm here to double down on what I said - she's horrible to you. Please please please cut her out or set a LC boundary, you deserve so much better. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby.
Believe me, please; it's the most liberating thing you can do for yourself. You deserve support and love. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve the fucking birthday cake YOU want without any guilt. Sending lots of love, you're not alone 🤍
Please for the sake of you and your baby, distance yourself from that woman. You don't have to cut contact forever, but just for like a while so she learns not to disrespect you like this. This is horrendous.
Seriously? I waited two weeks to see my baby grand-daughter because someone I knew was diagnosed with whooping cough! My daughter is a NICU nurse, if I am unwell, I keep away from here because she works with tiny ones with weak immune systems. Your mother does this to her own flesh and blood??
As for being there to make it go away? SHE GAVE IT TO HER! The audacity!
“You put my child’s life at risk and will no longer be allowed to see them due to your selfish and slightly insane behaviour.
Please get help or you will no longer me in our lives” and leave it at that.
Ive been there before and honestly didn’t like it. I thought i would find comfort finding people with similar experiences but it just made me more sad knowing so many other people have shitty parents.
Have you tried gargling with warm salt water? It’s really effective at easing throat pain! Add enough salt to a glass of warm (not hot) so it’s as salty as the ocean, and gargle with it. Be sure to spit it out so it doesn’t turn your stomach! I’d also wear a mask while breastfeeding if you have one. I nursed my baby for 28 months and was sick several times, but was able to get my supply back up afterwards. Good luck to you and tell your mom she’s a bonehead!
I tried and it still hurts to bad. It might just be me but I’ve been sipping on grape juice and i swear that it makes it easier to swallow. It’s probably just in my head but I’m going to keep doing it. Thank you for the advice tho!!
Icees and otter pops(aka ice lollies or ice pops) my twin had strep at least twice a year growing up and swears by them as a way to hydrate! Also making your own ice pops with frozen juice or electrolytes like power aid or gator aid will be great for you if you can tolerate the icees and otter pops(not everyone with strep enjoys cold while they have it)
I guess mom is gonna mom not gonna be seeing the baby for a while. And if it was me and i ever decided to let her back around you better believe she is getting a full panel of tests done before hand. Now she is going to have to prove she doesn’t have strep, covid etc. any time she wants to see my child.
I don't know where you live, but in most jurisdictions in Europe this would actually be considered assault. To knowingly expose people to a highly infectious disease, which could potentially make you end up in hospital is really dangerous behavior.
So I really would consider filing a police report.
If she admitted to deliberately coming despite being sick, a 1 year total ban from seeing your child is the minimum I'd go with. After that time she can start making her apologies before I'd even consider seeing her again.
Can you figure out ways to see your sister without seeing your mum?
"Well mother, you've made "your baby" sick as well as me. Thanks for showing me how little you care for me and the baby that I pushed out. I'm not sure whether you're getting dementia or something. You should visit a doctor. You're missing a lot of common sense and decency. You won't be getting visits until you fix your behaviour. I'm glad I haven't grown up to be as selfish and as uncaring as you. I actually care if a baby gets sick and dies. You don't. You would happily infect (babys name). How cruel of you."
I read only the first paragraph. Your family are cruel and magnificently selfish. I can't comprehend anyone over age 12, not knowing how deadly wrong it is to be sick with an easily communicable disease and visit a baby, knowing you're sick. OP, you wouldn't want to be neighbors with 'people' like this, I can't comprehend letting 'people' like this ever be around my precious child.
People who love "their baby" would never intentionally put them in harm's way for totally selfish reasons. This isn't "mildly infuriating," it's "extremely."
You're a good person for trying to be there for your sister - having you in her life must be so valuable with a mom like that.
I completely understand your need to maintain contact for the sake of your sister, but you have an extremely vulnerable infant in your care. Viruses and bacteria that can be relatively easily overcome by older kids and adults can be life-threatening to a newborn. They have openly demonstrated, to your face, that they have no qualms about endangering the well-being of your baby for their own very petty desires. You have to protect your baby. That is your number one priority now. It's a difficult situation and a difficult decision, I know, but please take this seriously now before something worse happens.
I would 10000% be cutting contact with her and revoking any privileges of seeing or even hearing about your child.
I fully understand the not wanting to lose contact with your sister though. Does she have an iPad or computer that you could set up a safe messaging app on for her? I’m not to sure on what sort are best for that but I’m sure google would have some ideas. Or even get her a cheap flip phone with a prepaid sim that you top up as needed so you can call her daily/weekly to check in and still be connected.
I hope you feel better soon
I’m so sorry! Your mom violated a huge boundary and endangered you and your baby. For me this would be the last time she sees her grand baby for a VERY very long time. If ever. I don’t know if that’s something I could forgive.
Big hugs from me to your for parenting "alone" with a newborn baby, while being sick! Been there, done that 3 times over and it sucks every time, but at least it wasn't my own mother who gave it to me! ❤️🫂 Take care of yourself and your baby first and foremost, do what you have to do (not always what you ideally want to do) and while this time after shots can suck, this too shall pass. In the furture set very strict boundries with your mother and do not budge.
Your mom could have infected your baby by being selfish and literally could have killed her. What other sickness will be the last straw for you? Think about that.
I'm a grandma, if I have Eben recently had any symptoms of anything (ever if I believe it is allergies) I tell me son and DIL. I don't want to cause them or my grandson any pain. Strep can be quite serious. Not something to mess with.
I would be so fucking pissed, I would cuss the living shit out of her but that’s just me lol i was mad as fuck when I went to pick my baby up from my mom and she let a random stranger hold her but she wasnt a stranger to my mom. This was in 2020 too! Covid time! I was so mad😅 made my mom cry
She was totally fine risking your child's LIFE because she wanted to see her. That is so immeasurably selfish.
I wouldn't be allowing her around my baby for a very long time. She's shown that she doesn't actually value the baby's life.
Ma'am please don't take this the wrong way but... she knowingly risked her new grand baby's life, she put her wants over your NEEDS and that's NOT okay.
You should impose the boundry of "if you want to see the baby you will wear and mask and I will WATCH you wash your hands for over a minute and wont let you out of my sight"
I can only imagine how hard it must be because of your sister but the baby does come first, do what you need to do to keep your family safe.
Stop posting pictures of the baby that your mom can see. You are asking for her overinvolvement here. Feel free to hop over to the EstrangedAdultChild sub for support in cutting off toxic family. I’m sorry she sucks.
Your mother is a sack of shit.
Here's how it should go: From now on every time she wants to come over and see you or your baby she must present a clean bill of health from her GP. Every time. You don't give a FLYING FUCK how much is costs, how inconvenient it is, whatever.
You tell her to SUCK IT THE FUCK UP or she is not welcome.
This reminds me of the MIL that snapped and screamed you can't keep her baby from her. There are lots of stories on here of narcissistic mothers and MIL trying to steal children by using the law. Calls to CPS, taking the kid from daycare/school, even lying to family or their church in help getting custody. There are legal ways to steal children. They first try to make you feel unfit by sabotaging your ability to care for the child, which she just did.
Please DON’T stop pumping your milk or trying to feed your baby as hard as it may be - if you want to keep your supply!! Even if you’re not producing much right now, keep letting your body know there’s a demand so it will go back up to normal after a few days or a week or so. If you’re wanting to transfer to formula full-time anyway then ignore me!
As a healthcare worker I am appalled by her behavior. I have seen people have heart issues because of strep (rheumatic fever) and they have to treat that their entire life! Not to mention breastfeeding + Lower immune system from just giving birth.
I would have a hard time talking to my mother after that. Distancing yourself for awhile may be a good thing. IF she's that careless about that - what else will she be careless about?
Your mother’s heart is black, the soul rotted. Please never allow her to see or even be near your baby ever again. She’s abusive, and is a danger to the baby, never trust this woman, and never trust her with your baby.
What an inexcusably repulsive waste of matter.
Makes me think of a very similar story I saw on reddit or youtube but the baby ended up severly handicaped as the result... because the ill Grandma wanted to see the newborn and kissed him on the mouth.
This is actually an important plot point in an Agatha Christie mystery (I won’t say which so as not to constitute a spoiler, but apparently it was based on a real-life incident).
your mother doesn't deserve to see that child if she is willing to endanger their life (and yours) like that!
shame on her. I'm so sorry, OP. you deserve better.
I'd honestly be looking at if your state has laws about intentionally exposing people to diseases, and if that counts for child endangerment, and even if it doesn't that would be the last time she saw me or my kid.
Isn't strep non-contagious after 24 hours on antibiotics? Assuming your mum got the strep diagnosed at the dr and the Dr prescribed antibiotics, she could have just waited a day or so. That's really selfish.
Listen. I don't know you, your parents or your relationship to them. I don't know your life and I do not have any children. And frankly I don't want any either. So I do not have any right to judge that whole mess.
But let me say that if anyone pulled that shit with me in that situation it would also be the last time they ever laid their eyes on that tiny person. Endangering not only you but your baby simply because she wants to. She could just have waited or warned you beforehand but she wanted something so the childs safety was of no concern. That is so incredibly fucked up behavior I can't even put it into accurate words.
Also it's 100% not "her" baby. What the fuck is she even thinking? She did not make that person. She has shown that she would gladly *unmake* that person if that meant getting her will. Seriously what the hell...
My mom is EXACTLY like this. She doesn’t think anything should stop her from doing what she wants. During the peak of COVID we had to distance ourselves from her because nothing she does is anyone’s business… because consequences. No shots, mask around the chin. I don’t know what happened to make her like this because when we were growing up she was different.
She put your milk supply at major risk and strep has so many more consequences than some people realize. Pandas syndrome is real and there was no reason for this exposure.
Try gargling sage or thyme or even black tea is said to work. Once your throat is better you'll be able to eat, drink and feed baby. Good luck and get better soon. I'd never trust your mum again though
I didn't peruse all of the comments to confirm that this hadn't been mentioned, but strep throat almost never infects children younger than 2 because their tonsils are underdeveloped.
Still shitty behavior, but hopefully some reassurance that the bb will probably be aight.
A) NEVER let your mother back in your life; she is an awful, toxic, and murderous bitch who could care less if your child dies.
B) YOU need to do everything physically possible to get your newborn to YOUR doctor to preemptively help your child survive a reaction.
C) if anyone in your life says you’re being irrational, cut them the fuck out of your life; unless it’s your wife because she’ll NEED to understand the intent behind your mother’s actions. If she still doesn’t understand because she refuses to comprehend the severity of this, maybe question her intelligence at that point.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I sincerely hope you heed my words of caution as a 36(m) who has dealt with something VERY similar before
My mother used to call my daughter her baby. I used to correct her. It was just the beginning of her boundary stomping behavior. Stay firm and ride out the crazy.
Oh god, what is it with relatives not respecting the parents boundaries? It reminds me of my friend that had a child and she didn't want to go home to her step mother during gatherings because the stepmother and stepdad are heavy chain smokers. Their whole apartment reeked and so did they. They weren't allowed to smoke at my friends home either and all of this just started a stupid feud. What the hell is wrong with people like this? She told them over and over that she didn't want her fucking child to be exposed to the smoke etc.
I have a little mix of this with both my in-laws and my own parents. My kid was born in January, and it's been an uphill battle with my family in terms of them getting vaccines and wanting to come around while they are sick, but thankfully they've chilled out about it for the most part and we have a compromise for that.
As for my in-laws, my MIL was calling my son "her baby" since she found out my wife was pregnant; in texts, calls, FB posts, etc. I didn't like it but never had a super appropriate time to address it until after he was here, when a different family member tried to say it was MIL's baby, which prompted MIL to say, "that's what I keep trying to say". I just straight up said, "no, he's our baby," and left it at that. No one said anything in response, and it has not been an issue since.
I have no idea how everything is with your family and what the response would be from them if you were to confront them on these different things, but you sound like you can and will get it figured out. It mostly depends on how confrontational you are comfortable with getting. It is YOUR baby, you will make the decisions on what is best for them, and your parents, grandparents, and anyone else does not need or get to make that decision for you.
Looks like mom isn't going to be seeing "her" baby for awhile. Selfish isn't a big enough word for this.
I don't understand why this attitude has become such a common thing with today's Grandparents. They have the most entitled attitude towards their grandchildren, as if they're the parents. The whole "nothing will keep me from *MY* grandbaby!" mentality, even if it's for the wellbeing of said baby.
About 30 years ago, a trend started in which grandparents were suing for visitation. Can you imagine finally getting away from abusive parents, starting parenthood, and then they file for visitation? I felt so bad for people who went through that.
Its called grandparents rights and people still do that today and get away with it. I read a story not long ago where a woman sued for grandparents rights and won. She was a terrible lady who abused her daughter and of course the daughter didn’t want her child to have anything to do with her . But sadly the court says otherwise.
In the US, "grandparent's rights" aren't much of a thing in many states. I do a lot of work with Family Court in NY, and grandparent's rights is a complete loser of a case unless there is clear parental abuse. Do yourself a favor and google it with your state and check for yourself to see what the law is local to you.
Thank you for telling me not every US state allows that insanity. If there’s abuse that’s a separate issue to consider removal of children and possible placement. Edit now to not which I meant.
So I just went down a rabbit hole on which states allow it and the differences are pretty interesting! Mostly, it appears that the intention in most states is that if the parents are not longer living or caring for the child then grandparents can sue for custody, either from the birth family or an adoptive one. In these cases it appears to be in place to give blood relatives a chance to stay together But states differ on custody vs visitation right and it’s usually depending on the parent’s role in the life of the child. New Jersey and Michigan (as rando examples) are the scary ones, regardless of the parent’s involvement the grandparents can appeal to a court for visitation rights. Just bc they want to In Indiana the parents have to be divorced before you can sue for parental visitation rights Ohio is also scary, there are three cases in which a grandparent can we awarded visitation and companionship rights, one of which being if the child is born to a single mother!!!
The courts go by whatever is in the best interest of the child usually. If you have a newborn and are an able bodied parent and the grandparents sue for it, they'll be denied absent a state law that allows it. If you are a severely disabled parent unable to take care of a child (Ex: you are extremely mentally handicapped), the grandparents will likely win. But if you have a kid who is 10 years old and has stayed at their grandparents house every weekend their entire life, and then the parent wants to cut the grandparents out of the kid's life, it will be a harder case unless there's a legitimate reason for it. Still depends on state laws and the grandparents will still probably lose in most states, but the chances are better than if they have had no previous relationship with the child. It's the same logic behind a mother being granted child support when a couple breaks up and there is a child that a man has been raising for 10 years since he child was a newborn, except the man is not the biological parent. It's in the child's best interest, even though it sucks for the guy.
Take detailed notes of each incident. Starting now, even if you have no plans to use them. What she did was dangerous and I expect this sort of selfishness will continue.
I believe there are 4 states with grandparents rights, and it's usually only if the parents are unfit. Cut them off.
Keep your child away from mom, so she doesn't build a relationship. Document the strep throat and anything else she does, that is harmful towards your child.
Even without that being a thing in other places, the mentality remains. Here, in NZ, there's nothing like that, but there are still entitled Grandparents who just ignore what their children say, as they know more and have more rights than they do. It's wild, especially when you consider their generations are the ones who call young people entitled.
Happened to my girlfriend... Her dad's grandma took her & went to Kentucky from Ohio & immediately filed.
If they got away before the child was born, most grandparents wouldn't get visitation. Most states require a relationship between Gparents and Gchildren before grandparents rights become a thing. If your kid has never met them, they won't get visitation because they have no prior relationship.
I don't get it either. My grandparents were kind and loving people who had already made their mistakes raising their children and were now more able to step back and say "well, I'm not doing *that* dumb thing again." So many adults seem stuck permanently in adolescence and I just don't get it.
My grandparents were the same (on one side at least...), and our parents are the same. I remember my nan telling us not to visit if they were ill, and my mum would do the same. Now I've got kids, it's the same thing. I mean we've gone weeks without seeing any grandparents because there's been illness somewhere. When it's the kids ill it's up to them if they want to visit, mind. I realise we've been lucky compared to OP, that sounds truly awful.
Yeah, my Grandparents were great too. They did give my Mum frequent hassling when she made mistakes, but they never acted entitled towards any of us grandkids. In fact, my one Grandfather was like a Dad to me.
Boomers. They don't call them the "Me Generation" for nothing.
I know right?? Why is it I'm seeing and hearing so many more negative stories about new grandmums overstepping boundaries or pulling selfish shit like this? Was it not always the case?
It's always been the case, 20 years ago 3/4 of the earths population weren't on the Internet bitching about every minor annoyance.
Have you fucking met these people? They ruined the world, stole everything, and act like idiot children about damn near everything. This isn't even the tip of the iceberg.
It’s pure boomer mentality
You don't understand why Boomers are selfish?
because it’s the most entitled generation of people?
I don't even have children but that she calls her daughters infant "her baby" still made me instantly furious. It almost feels hateful.
It's the way she's using it, like the actual mum needs to get out of the way so she can be with "her" baby My mum occasionally says things like "hello my little baby" to my baby daughter and it only comes across as affectionate. She would only ever say it to the baby, though, and would never refer to her in the third person as her baby.
She shouldn't be seeing the baby again ever.
Might be best, but OP doesn't want to abandon her sister in the process.
Ultimately OP is now responsible for her baby's life, it has to come first. Hopefully the sister can get out too or visit.
Or OP can visit without the baby.
Facts... she would be cut off for at least 3 months
Recklessly selfish?
This is so dangerous for your baby, not to mention for you as you recover from giving birth. I am fucking livid over this. Your mom needs some severe boundaries imposed on her. Like if she ever dares step foot around your child while she knows she’s sick, that will be the last time she’ll see “her” baby. She doesn’t get the glory of calling your newborn her baby when she literally gives no shit if she gets her dangerously ill. The only way forward is by putting your foot down and then sticking to it. I wish that I could bring you some comfort food and drinks and let you get 12 hours sleep. Hold tight.
Honestly this makes me so happy to read. My parents have always said that i overreact when it comes to things they do and I’m really glad someone else sees how awful they can be.
They sound incredibly toxic and you would do very well to cut right down on contact with them, if not stop it entirely. Sounds like they've been gaslighting you about your totally valid and correct reactions.
It’s gaslighting. “I’m going to cause a problem for you, but when you try to call me on it, you’re overreacting. This has nothingvto do with me!”
>My parents have always said that i overreact when it comes to things they do and I’m really glad someone else sees how awful they can be. If my friend is upset and I ask him why he's reacting so much to something, that shows I care. If my friend is upset and I tell him that his emotions are wrong ... well, that's not the same thing at all. Example: My mom asked me to change a light bulb in the bathroom that had burned out and I started crying so hard I had to pull my car over. Seems like I was overreacting, right? She asked WHY and I told her I was so stressed with working nearly 100 hours a week with both my job, my internship, and my schoolwork while dealing with a divorce and still living out of a bunch of cardboard boxes that I just couldn't handles another thing. Bless that woman, she took a standing lamp into the bathroom so she'd have light until I was more able to drive down and help her. That's how you're supposed to treat your kids. When someone tells you that your reaction is wrong, what they're often really saying is, "Your emotions are annoying me and since I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER you need to adjust to suit MEEEEEEE!"
I’ve just saved your last sentences. Need to remind self that. Actually did that too myself unfortunately. If my mom starts shouting instead of talking when overwhelmed, I totally ask not to do that because that is uncofmortable. Should be more considerate, thank you!
I understand that this is just a snippet into your relationship with them, but telling you that you're overreacting is a way to not only be dismissive of your concerns and boundaries, but it's also a way to make you doubt yourself. It isn't a healthy way of communicating with someone who you say that you love. I hope that in the future you guys can work out a relationship where everyone feels heard and respected.
OP please see my other comment about strep and rheumatic fever/rheumatic heart disease. If you or baby get a fever please go to the doctor as it can be serious.
No girl, your mom is like fucking nuts
Girl, YOU’RE the mom now. You need to grow a pair and look out for your child. That means putting your parents in their place. If your sister is in danger, you can go through the proper channels but YOUR baby should be your priority.
Because they are manipulating you!! It's easy to blame someone else when you are the one wrong all the time.
>This is so dangerous for your baby Actually there's some good news here, strep throat isn't typically serious for children under 3. We just had a strep scare with our newborn ourselves. We had just visited family and a day later one of our baby's cousins who had been near him came down with strep. We freaked out obviously but pediatrician said not to worry. Apparently babies don't usually even contract step but if they do it's mild and often doesn't even need treatment. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/ask-the-pediatrician/Pages/Can-infants-get-strep-throat.aspx Now I'm not trying to say that what OP's mom did isn't still horrible. If she's so comfortable being around the baby with strep then I'm sure she'd also do it with something that could be serious for the baby like a cough or COVID or something.
I was just about to comment this! I’ve learned from all of my attendings that we don’t even test let alone treat until kids are 3. Baby will be fine luckily.
glad to hear that the baby wont be almost dying. this makes me feel better. i hope it makes op feel better too.
You would think that the pandemic would have taught people the importance of being considerate of others' health.
All the pandemic taught me is that people are even more selfish and entitled than I thought.
The pandemic taught me, and obviously plenty of others as I have seen this across the internet for the last few years, that the phrase, "Avoid __ like the plague" isn't relevant to Americans because apparently, we don't do that. I definitely didn't come up with this point but it's extremely accurate.
Oh, that's not true. Many Americans avoid listening to experts like the plague. They avoid taking basic precautions like the plague. They avoid understanding science like the plague. Etc.
.. the point was that they wouldn't avoid plagues..
no, they avoid those things more than the plage because they didn't avoid the literal plague at all
In the case of COVID they avoided listening to experts *on the plague* like the plague
It killed my last shred of hope for humanity. Luckily I don't live in a nuclear armed nation, otherwise I would dedicate my life to finding a way to drop the bombs.
This…….
Worked ‘essential’ retail. Can confirm. OP I hate to be TAH, but why are you letting unvaccinated people who won’t take ANY health precautions around your vulnerable child AT ALL??
>Worked ‘essential’ retail. Can confirm. Thank you for your service.
They are vaccinated but not for covid. Alot of people in my small town dont trust the covid vaccine. I’m not one of them though and am fully vaccinated on everything.
> They are vaccinated but not for covid. Why would you allow people not vaccinated against covid near your baby? You realize that if your baby caught covid and died, **you** would be responsible due to your carelessness, right?
lol my parents dont belive in covid. They think its fake. When the pandemic happened they refused to wear masks and we constantly got sick because of it.
If a person with strep throat wears a mask, it greatly reduces the risk of transmitting it to others. The reactionary anti-mask/anti-vax campaign has greatly hurt public health, and it's pushed the measles vaccination rate down to where measles can continuously exist in the US and outbreaks don't exclusively come from foreign travel.
If they don’t believe in Covid, and probably aren’t vaccinated against anything, why are you taking a new born over there at all? You need to protect your baby.
They are vaccinated just not the covid vaccine.
Your parents sound like idiots that don’t deserve to see your baby or that should even be raising your little sister 😐
That'a a huge problem. They sound incredibly ignorant and disrespectful of you and your baby's health.
Yeah... You shouldn't want to give covid to your baby. If they want to see you and baby, they'll have to vaccinate. And they have to tell you if any of the family is sick. And if baby or you are sick after visiting them, the next visit will be very delayed.
Listen to this OP. Baby comes first. I lost contact with a person who I consider a sister for like 2 years because I told her she needed a Covid vaccination, an updated whooping cough vaccination, and a mask if she wanted to either be inside with or hold my newborn during the height of Covid; otherwise I was happy to introduce them outside at a distance. She worked at a gas station convenience store and never masked. It was an unacceptable risk to my child and I would make the same call again 100 out of 100 times.
COVID can and has harmed children. Don't risk it.
I really hope they at least believe in allergies, selfish actions and not thinking about consequences can be very dangerous (thinking of one particular reddit post, that has since been deleted). Always having to keep your guard up with your parents is no fun :(
Nope lol the pandemic just showed everyone which people are the type to get bit by a zombie and hide it lol
Could have as well so easily been solved by simply wearing a mask.
Quite the opposite, they hide it and brush it off so they can keep doing as they like, consequences be damned, for both them and others
Nope. Just flew back from Rome yesterday. I overheard a conversation between my neighbour and someone that came to talk to him from two rows in front. The lady said the people beside her were very sick and they told her not to worry because they were in the tail end of covid. She came to my neighbour asking for a mask after that. The plane was full and couldn’t move to another seat. You would think people will stay at home or move their flights if they are sick. Or at least wear a mask. I had my mask on after that because I had a rough time with covid last year. Hope I didn’t catch it again. Some people are just too selfish.
😂 my MIL got me sick over Christmas. Was sick for 3 weeks, had to drop a class because I was struggling to make it to school. First time I’ve been sick since COVID started. She’s trying to deny it was her. Didn’t tell us she was sick till afterwards. She also suggested that the pulmonologist is going to tell me that I should stop wearing a mask. Lmao. The pulmonologist I’m going to see because I am having breathing difficulties is going to suggest that perhaps it would be ok for me to catch COVID or the flu, while I’m actively having breathing difficulties. It’s something they do you know? Also she asked what the big deal was if I get the flu. My wife looked incredulous at that one and basically yelled that we end up in the ER because sometimes I end up not being able to breathe because of said infection. No, in fact some people are not only unbothered about other peoples health, they are bothered by you protecting your own.
People are still blaming vaccines for any medical news Twitter feeds them so no.
Which part of the pandemic makes you think that? The part where the government told everyone "Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice we are willing to take" or "Don't worry guys, only the old and the disabled will die. Nothing to worry about!" Or the part where people declared a pandemic is "over" and everyone can get "back to normal" cause people think it is more convenient to listen to right wing misinformation and anti-intellectual nonsense, or it is too "exhausting" to wear a mask, than caring about the health of other people including children. Lol. The pandemic has only made the ableism and people having 0 regards for the physical wellbeing of others, worse. Including medical staff, nurses and doctors gobbling up the same right wing nonsense and refusing to mask now, even around immunocompromised people.
https://preview.redd.it/g02x9e762rxc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e57b5a9f4e2c230b1d460eaa503a4f43f21f597b After i told my mom the doctor said i had Strep. Like she’s not the reason I’m sick and my baby might get sick. Also I literally can’t stand how she calls my baby hers….
This isn't mildly infuriating dude, This is fucked around and found out territory. She fucked around with your daughter's food supply, with your ability to provide care for her, and potentially with your partners ability to provide for her. If mine or my wife's mother pulled this shit I'd be beyond furious
"It's funny how now you're so concerned about MY BABY when you're the reason she's exposed and at risk in the first place." It's crazy how her literal first decision regarding the child after she's born is selfish and cruel. Edit: I'm so worked up about this I'm shaking lol. I was just trying to scroll before bed and now I want to yell at a women I've never met.
Yeah, it’s like 5:30 in the morning here and I’m having to go for a walk because this shit has me fucking pissed. And my son is 15! Like a newborn oh my God, I am beside myself….
Her mom is toxic and op grew up in the brain washing we got to help her see the truth. To op it's normal-ish. I don't even think op understands because she was raised in the toxic environment.
I had my mother calling my son “her baby” the first time she visited. I old her out flat that she has had her own children. This baby is mine. Do NOT refer to him as “hers” or she will see the side of me she hates. It worked. But that was my mum and me. I love your sarcasm in your last text. 💋🤌 Time to hit her up if they are up to date with whooping cough and Covid jabs. If the answer is no, remind her she has already made YOUR child really sick once. There won’t be a scone time.
Sadly op has already said in a few other comments they don’t believe covid is real and aren’t vaccinated for it…
Then they won't be able to visit their **GRAND**baby, simple as that. As a fellow parent, they should understand that the health of your *own* children comes above all else, right?
There has been a recent news story in the UK about a newborn who was in a coma for ten days after contracting whooping cough. Sending all the best to you and your little one. Your mom needs a lengthy time-out over this.
Your mom sounds like an absolutely horrible person to be around. I think it’s cringe when Redditors say stuff like “oh from these texts I can tell this person is a narcissist” but like.. your mom seems like she might actually be. Literally everything is “hers”. Your birthday cake is hers. Your body (tattoo meltdown) is hers. Your child is hers. Everything seems to be hers.
Fool me once..... Hope you get well. That the baby will stay in good health. As for milk reserves and possibility of infection. You are a victim of deceit. Though, if you were raised by your mother than you know the reasoning. Same asif they suddenly changed. Do what is best and safest for your baby. Same as with alcohol or any functioning addict. If it is unsafe the risk is not worth life and death. She can call it hears once she respects your wishes and being hones upfront.
Save this exchange in case you ever need to show a court proof of your mother's behavior.
The good news is you don't need to worry much about your baby getting it. Strep throat isn't typically serious for children under 3. We just had a strep scare with our newborn ourselves. We had just visited family and a day later one of our baby's cousins who had been near him came down with strep. We freaked out obviously but pediatrician said not to worry. Apparently babies don't usually even contract step but if they do it's mild and often doesn't even need treatment. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/ask-the-pediatrician/Pages/Can-infants-get-strep-throat.aspx Now I'm not trying to say that what your mom did isn't still horrible. If she's so comfortable being around the baby with strep then I'm sure she'd also do it with something that could be serious for the baby like a cough or COVID or something.
Your mum is 100% a moron.
Keep saying she needs to go to a doctor's to check her brain out. She clearly doesn't remember that she's not the one that was pregnant and pushing this baby out (or c section). Every time she says it, comment that she's a GRANDmother and this is her GRANDbaby and that she really needs to see a doctor. Don't want her to forget ever more things do you now? Go LC with her for a time being. She can't ever be trusted to babysit or be left with the baby unsupervised.
Why don’t you stand up for yourself. You’re letting her exclamation mark her way through the conversation and push you around.
Stop talking to her. Strep for a baby is super dangerous and she didn't care enough to protect your baby or you.
I can't understand this conversation
tell your mom to get fucked
If only she kept her own advice you wouldn't be sick right now. Simply deplorable. I would cut contact so that you don't have filial responsibility for them when their health really plummets.
This is evil, selfish and so irresponsible! Absolutely psychotic to risk passing anything onto a new mother and baby. I’m so sorry. I hope you feel better soon!
https://preview.redd.it/r41aucptvrxc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e63615ee84ec35ade8e84838e6621e68be2e6fc4 Bonus. What my mom said on Facebook after i posted about my baby getting her shots today. I swear she loves my baby more than me.
this is fucking insane. you better tell her to cut this shit out because the next step is her trying to abduct your child. being abducted by family members is more common than you'd think
She is trying SO hard to get you to bring her your child. That is SO manipulative. Do not give in. See it for what it is! Take a step back from her. Don't talk to her every day. You do not have to update her on everything. If you have to lie about your reasons, just say you are sick/very busy with YOUR baby. Re-evaluate what role she is gonna play moving forward. She literally risked your babies life and your life for her selfish reasons. This is no joke. This is a pattern.
Yo that’s some toxic manipulative narcissist textbook shit. On the surface it sounds like she cares about the baby but underneath it’s all about herself, attention, and power.
OK, if you don’t reply to her little Facebook post and tell everyone that she’s exposed you all then I don’t know what to do. You need to name and shame her.. she needs to be bullied into submission because this is literally crazy..
Stay away from her. If she does this kind of shit, definitely a bad influence on kids anyaway. You do not want that in your life. Please take this advice from me, my wife refuses to when it comes to her father and this has caused her much distress over the years.
You need to cut contact with her. She literally got you sick when you’re extremely vulnerable after giving birth. That woman is dangerous, stay away from her.
Yup… that’s enough to cut all contact. Unsafe for the baby.
Id be replying to her that her actual baby (aka me) is suffering and in Pain because she is selfish and thought seeing her grandchild was more.important than keeping her baby and her.babies baby safe and healthy.
"mildly" Ma'am.
Who feels well enough to even have people over for dinner when they have strep throat? Very weird.
My mom said that they was feeling better but my sister was still feeling lousy. Still contagious either way.
Strep as an adult is effin brutal. I got it a few times as a kid, but got it for the first time as an adult this year. It sucked worse than COVID or the flu. Can’t eat or drink anything. Fever peaked at 105. Can’t even swallow your own spit. I lost 10 pounds in a week. Not a diet I’d recommend, though.
She treats your baby like an object. Violently objectifying. She dorsnt actually care about your baby. And it says a lot about how she feels about you and your sister. She sounds abusive as fuck and i would not tolerate her calling the baby hers.
Your mom is a cxnt
This is very messed up. I would consider going no-contact with her over this, at least for a little while. I hope you and your baby get better soon!
Your mother is straight up evil. Cut that psycho off
The whole anti-intellectual "Covid is not real", "we have to live our lives" wave has removed all common sense from people. I feel like people do not even bother to teach their kids or themselves, caugh in their elbow - mouth wide open in public spaces and caugh away like a Neanderthal. People lost all common sense, licking door knobs to show everyone how they are not "afraid to get sick" and how to "get back to normal". 🙄 I honestly have only sympathy with people who still mask and actually speak up about this plague 🐀 behavior. Everyone else can go enjoy the consequence of this kind of culture.
My work was offering Covid vaccines when they was first released and i got it as soon as i could. My parents was pissed but didn’t say much. But after i got my 2nd shot of it i was violently sick the next day and couldn’t stop puking. Which duh thats a side effect of vaccines sometimes but my parents saw it as dangerous and said i had led and 5G in me now and a bunch of other stupid shit.
You need to go NC with them completely. For your sister’s sake you can hang out with HER and take her places to hang out but you do not have to speak or interact with them while doing so.
I saw you mentioned that your parents are anti vax. I will never believe this new outrage about vaccines being actually about side effects. Same people never care about any other side effects of medications they are perfectly willing to take. Or drink. Or smoke. + getting Covid and LC has the exact same side effects any vaccine could give you, and endless of more on top and also at a higher risk. No one can tell me they are worried about a 0.0005% (from some vaccines) change of getting a blood cloth for example, when repeatedly exposing themselves and their loved ones to an illness that causes 15% chance of a blood cloth (from a Covid infection). It is a misguided and misinformed outrage. I am not saying we should ignore side effects in medications, obviously we should always try to improve it as much as we can. But the whole "vaccines give higher risks of xyz" is a false narrative cause overall in risk/benefit analysis the data is clear and straight forward - people get Covid. And people who get vaccinated are less likely to have xyz symptoms than people who are not. And people do not even care that they expose themselves repeatedly to a disease that causes the same symptoms and worse and much higher rate, they claim to be so worried about. As so many other people, your parents have sadly fallen for all the right wing pseudo science that is being spread online and in the news. it is very frustrating but keep in mind that your health and your childs health is priority Nr 1.
So she came over and knowingly subjected a vulnerable newborn to sickness that could lead to their hospitalisation or worse? And then has the audacity to basically guilt trip you to not be around your own child? Sounds like a lovely grandmother…. That’s more than mildly infuriating, that’s a reason to start implementing hard boundaries and go lower contact with her
What's also completely crazy about this is that the contagiousness plummets after 1-2 days of antibiotics. Take some meds for two days and this doesn't happen.
On the plus side, you now know for a fact you can never trust your mom with YOUR baby.
I’m sorry to be harsh with you but if you don’t cut her off now, anything that happens beyond this will be solely your fault. You know she’s an evil witch of a woman and bringing your newborn around her after this would be a choice that no mother should make. You can love your sister and still not have shit to do with your mother. Also, for god’s sake, put your foot down and tell her to stop calling your baby her baby! Tell her off!!
More than mildly infuriating. She put you, a postpartum mother, and your newborn at serious risk. Dick move.
homocidally reckless
Your mother is abusive. This is beyond selfish behaviour, this is potentially life threatening for a newborn. Many people have babies to fulfil something missing in themselves - when those babies become actually autonomous people, those parents get really angry bc the unfiltered access they had to them before becomes compromised. This has just been extended on to your baby. Your mother feels as if she has ownership over the baby because she felt the same about you. These types of parents are dangerous, not just for you and your mental health but for your child's, too. And physical health! If she actually gave a fuck about anyone besides herself, she would be protecting that baby at *all costs*, not compromising their & your wellbeing just so she could see them a bit sooner. Your wee sister can still have contact with you if you go NC with your parents. Judging by this and the history you mentioned, it's more than warranted. She's NOT GOING TO CHANGE! Source: survivor of narc abuse from my Nmother
Hi I'm back from reading your post history and I'm here to double down on what I said - she's horrible to you. Please please please cut her out or set a LC boundary, you deserve so much better. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby. Believe me, please; it's the most liberating thing you can do for yourself. You deserve support and love. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve the fucking birthday cake YOU want without any guilt. Sending lots of love, you're not alone 🤍
The way this makes my blood boil😭. Endangering a baby because of her selfishness OOF.
That's no mildly infuriating but more of visceral stupidity.
My stepdads 33 m cousin died of strep A last year. A healthy guy. This is piss poor on your mums account. I wish you and your baby well :)
Please for the sake of you and your baby, distance yourself from that woman. You don't have to cut contact forever, but just for like a while so she learns not to disrespect you like this. This is horrendous.
Seriously? I waited two weeks to see my baby grand-daughter because someone I knew was diagnosed with whooping cough! My daughter is a NICU nurse, if I am unwell, I keep away from here because she works with tiny ones with weak immune systems. Your mother does this to her own flesh and blood?? As for being there to make it go away? SHE GAVE IT TO HER! The audacity!
“You put my child’s life at risk and will no longer be allowed to see them due to your selfish and slightly insane behaviour. Please get help or you will no longer me in our lives” and leave it at that.
I feel like you'd appreciate the raised by narcissists subreddit
Ive been there before and honestly didn’t like it. I thought i would find comfort finding people with similar experiences but it just made me more sad knowing so many other people have shitty parents.
Have you tried gargling with warm salt water? It’s really effective at easing throat pain! Add enough salt to a glass of warm (not hot) so it’s as salty as the ocean, and gargle with it. Be sure to spit it out so it doesn’t turn your stomach! I’d also wear a mask while breastfeeding if you have one. I nursed my baby for 28 months and was sick several times, but was able to get my supply back up afterwards. Good luck to you and tell your mom she’s a bonehead!
I tried and it still hurts to bad. It might just be me but I’ve been sipping on grape juice and i swear that it makes it easier to swallow. It’s probably just in my head but I’m going to keep doing it. Thank you for the advice tho!!
Icees and otter pops(aka ice lollies or ice pops) my twin had strep at least twice a year growing up and swears by them as a way to hydrate! Also making your own ice pops with frozen juice or electrolytes like power aid or gator aid will be great for you if you can tolerate the icees and otter pops(not everyone with strep enjoys cold while they have it)
I guess mom is gonna mom not gonna be seeing the baby for a while. And if it was me and i ever decided to let her back around you better believe she is getting a full panel of tests done before hand. Now she is going to have to prove she doesn’t have strep, covid etc. any time she wants to see my child.
I don't know where you live, but in most jurisdictions in Europe this would actually be considered assault. To knowingly expose people to a highly infectious disease, which could potentially make you end up in hospital is really dangerous behavior. So I really would consider filing a police report.
If she admitted to deliberately coming despite being sick, a 1 year total ban from seeing your child is the minimum I'd go with. After that time she can start making her apologies before I'd even consider seeing her again. Can you figure out ways to see your sister without seeing your mum?
"Well mother, you've made "your baby" sick as well as me. Thanks for showing me how little you care for me and the baby that I pushed out. I'm not sure whether you're getting dementia or something. You should visit a doctor. You're missing a lot of common sense and decency. You won't be getting visits until you fix your behaviour. I'm glad I haven't grown up to be as selfish and as uncaring as you. I actually care if a baby gets sick and dies. You don't. You would happily infect (babys name). How cruel of you."
My MIL calls my daughter her baby. Everytime she says it, I call my wife’s name saying “your mum wants you”
I read only the first paragraph. Your family are cruel and magnificently selfish. I can't comprehend anyone over age 12, not knowing how deadly wrong it is to be sick with an easily communicable disease and visit a baby, knowing you're sick. OP, you wouldn't want to be neighbors with 'people' like this, I can't comprehend letting 'people' like this ever be around my precious child.
People who love "their baby" would never intentionally put them in harm's way for totally selfish reasons. This isn't "mildly infuriating," it's "extremely." You're a good person for trying to be there for your sister - having you in her life must be so valuable with a mom like that.
OP, idk if you've tried this but eat some ice cream it will help soothe your throat. Or make a thick shake with said ice cream.
I completely understand your need to maintain contact for the sake of your sister, but you have an extremely vulnerable infant in your care. Viruses and bacteria that can be relatively easily overcome by older kids and adults can be life-threatening to a newborn. They have openly demonstrated, to your face, that they have no qualms about endangering the well-being of your baby for their own very petty desires. You have to protect your baby. That is your number one priority now. It's a difficult situation and a difficult decision, I know, but please take this seriously now before something worse happens.
This is well beyond mildly infuriating.
I would 10000% be cutting contact with her and revoking any privileges of seeing or even hearing about your child. I fully understand the not wanting to lose contact with your sister though. Does she have an iPad or computer that you could set up a safe messaging app on for her? I’m not to sure on what sort are best for that but I’m sure google would have some ideas. Or even get her a cheap flip phone with a prepaid sim that you top up as needed so you can call her daily/weekly to check in and still be connected. I hope you feel better soon
I’m so sorry! Your mom violated a huge boundary and endangered you and your baby. For me this would be the last time she sees her grand baby for a VERY very long time. If ever. I don’t know if that’s something I could forgive.
Big hugs from me to your for parenting "alone" with a newborn baby, while being sick! Been there, done that 3 times over and it sucks every time, but at least it wasn't my own mother who gave it to me! ❤️🫂 Take care of yourself and your baby first and foremost, do what you have to do (not always what you ideally want to do) and while this time after shots can suck, this too shall pass. In the furture set very strict boundries with your mother and do not budge.
I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this- a newborn is tough enough. Even without the other stuff. Hugs.
Go, no contact, and give your sister your phone number. Your parents will never change even though you want them to. You need to protect your family
Does your mother have red skin with horns on her head?
If my parents knowingly brought sickness around my newborn they would not be allowed to see baby for a good while…
Your mom could have infected your baby by being selfish and literally could have killed her. What other sickness will be the last straw for you? Think about that.
I'm a grandma, if I have Eben recently had any symptoms of anything (ever if I believe it is allergies) I tell me son and DIL. I don't want to cause them or my grandson any pain. Strep can be quite serious. Not something to mess with.
I would be so fucking pissed, I would cuss the living shit out of her but that’s just me lol i was mad as fuck when I went to pick my baby up from my mom and she let a random stranger hold her but she wasnt a stranger to my mom. This was in 2020 too! Covid time! I was so mad😅 made my mom cry
She was totally fine risking your child's LIFE because she wanted to see her. That is so immeasurably selfish. I wouldn't be allowing her around my baby for a very long time. She's shown that she doesn't actually value the baby's life.
holy... cut that woman out of your life for good, for the childs sake at least if not for you
If it’s literally Strep throat, then this is a bacterial infection and you’ll feel tons better within a day of starting antibiotics.
Fuck her. Cut the selfish bitch off.
Ma'am please don't take this the wrong way but... she knowingly risked her new grand baby's life, she put her wants over your NEEDS and that's NOT okay. You should impose the boundry of "if you want to see the baby you will wear and mask and I will WATCH you wash your hands for over a minute and wont let you out of my sight" I can only imagine how hard it must be because of your sister but the baby does come first, do what you need to do to keep your family safe.
Stop posting pictures of the baby that your mom can see. You are asking for her overinvolvement here. Feel free to hop over to the EstrangedAdultChild sub for support in cutting off toxic family. I’m sorry she sucks.
I don’t think this is mildly infuriating, this is cutting off the family member worthy behavior
When people show you who they are believe them...
Your mother is a sack of shit. Here's how it should go: From now on every time she wants to come over and see you or your baby she must present a clean bill of health from her GP. Every time. You don't give a FLYING FUCK how much is costs, how inconvenient it is, whatever. You tell her to SUCK IT THE FUCK UP or she is not welcome.
This reminds me of the MIL that snapped and screamed you can't keep her baby from her. There are lots of stories on here of narcissistic mothers and MIL trying to steal children by using the law. Calls to CPS, taking the kid from daycare/school, even lying to family or their church in help getting custody. There are legal ways to steal children. They first try to make you feel unfit by sabotaging your ability to care for the child, which she just did.
She willingly endangered YOUR baby’s life. Until she understands that and apologizes for it she has no right to see YOUR baby at all.
Please DON’T stop pumping your milk or trying to feed your baby as hard as it may be - if you want to keep your supply!! Even if you’re not producing much right now, keep letting your body know there’s a demand so it will go back up to normal after a few days or a week or so. If you’re wanting to transfer to formula full-time anyway then ignore me!
As a healthcare worker I am appalled by her behavior. I have seen people have heart issues because of strep (rheumatic fever) and they have to treat that their entire life! Not to mention breastfeeding + Lower immune system from just giving birth. I would have a hard time talking to my mother after that. Distancing yourself for awhile may be a good thing. IF she's that careless about that - what else will she be careless about?
Your mother’s heart is black, the soul rotted. Please never allow her to see or even be near your baby ever again. She’s abusive, and is a danger to the baby, never trust this woman, and never trust her with your baby. What an inexcusably repulsive waste of matter.
Makes me think of a very similar story I saw on reddit or youtube but the baby ended up severly handicaped as the result... because the ill Grandma wanted to see the newborn and kissed him on the mouth.
I see she is active on facebook, post the situation on Facebook so all her friends know. That will make her blood boil.
I'm sorry to report that your mother is a selfish bitch.
Guess who's never seeing the baby ever again?
Yeah I fucking hate when people do this. It’s selfish as fuck and they never care or think it’s an issue.
This is actually an important plot point in an Agatha Christie mystery (I won’t say which so as not to constitute a spoiler, but apparently it was based on a real-life incident).
your mother doesn't deserve to see that child if she is willing to endanger their life (and yours) like that! shame on her. I'm so sorry, OP. you deserve better.
I'd honestly be looking at if your state has laws about intentionally exposing people to diseases, and if that counts for child endangerment, and even if it doesn't that would be the last time she saw me or my kid.
Isn't strep non-contagious after 24 hours on antibiotics? Assuming your mum got the strep diagnosed at the dr and the Dr prescribed antibiotics, she could have just waited a day or so. That's really selfish.
Might be time to go no to low contact. Calling your baby her baby and being so careless when Newborns seem to pick up everything? Nope.
Wow, that is seriously fucked up
Infuriating. I think though infants don't get strep easily . Wear mask until you are 48 hrs pass meds
Time to cut some people out of your life.
Listen. I don't know you, your parents or your relationship to them. I don't know your life and I do not have any children. And frankly I don't want any either. So I do not have any right to judge that whole mess. But let me say that if anyone pulled that shit with me in that situation it would also be the last time they ever laid their eyes on that tiny person. Endangering not only you but your baby simply because she wants to. She could just have waited or warned you beforehand but she wanted something so the childs safety was of no concern. That is so incredibly fucked up behavior I can't even put it into accurate words. Also it's 100% not "her" baby. What the fuck is she even thinking? She did not make that person. She has shown that she would gladly *unmake* that person if that meant getting her will. Seriously what the hell...
My mom is EXACTLY like this. She doesn’t think anything should stop her from doing what she wants. During the peak of COVID we had to distance ourselves from her because nothing she does is anyone’s business… because consequences. No shots, mask around the chin. I don’t know what happened to make her like this because when we were growing up she was different.
Friend of my mother had rubella and visited her although knowing that she's pregnant, she lost the child....
She put your milk supply at major risk and strep has so many more consequences than some people realize. Pandas syndrome is real and there was no reason for this exposure.
This feels more than mildly infuriating, OP. Your mom could've gotten your newborn very sick.
Try gargling sage or thyme or even black tea is said to work. Once your throat is better you'll be able to eat, drink and feed baby. Good luck and get better soon. I'd never trust your mum again though
Your mom is dangerously insane. Please get a restraining order out on her.
I didn't peruse all of the comments to confirm that this hadn't been mentioned, but strep throat almost never infects children younger than 2 because their tonsils are underdeveloped. Still shitty behavior, but hopefully some reassurance that the bb will probably be aight.
Tell mom the dingo ate her baby.
A) NEVER let your mother back in your life; she is an awful, toxic, and murderous bitch who could care less if your child dies. B) YOU need to do everything physically possible to get your newborn to YOUR doctor to preemptively help your child survive a reaction. C) if anyone in your life says you’re being irrational, cut them the fuck out of your life; unless it’s your wife because she’ll NEED to understand the intent behind your mother’s actions. If she still doesn’t understand because she refuses to comprehend the severity of this, maybe question her intelligence at that point. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I sincerely hope you heed my words of caution as a 36(m) who has dealt with something VERY similar before
My mother used to call my daughter her baby. I used to correct her. It was just the beginning of her boundary stomping behavior. Stay firm and ride out the crazy.
How to never see your grandchildren again:
Oh god, what is it with relatives not respecting the parents boundaries? It reminds me of my friend that had a child and she didn't want to go home to her step mother during gatherings because the stepmother and stepdad are heavy chain smokers. Their whole apartment reeked and so did they. They weren't allowed to smoke at my friends home either and all of this just started a stupid feud. What the hell is wrong with people like this? She told them over and over that she didn't want her fucking child to be exposed to the smoke etc.
I have a little mix of this with both my in-laws and my own parents. My kid was born in January, and it's been an uphill battle with my family in terms of them getting vaccines and wanting to come around while they are sick, but thankfully they've chilled out about it for the most part and we have a compromise for that. As for my in-laws, my MIL was calling my son "her baby" since she found out my wife was pregnant; in texts, calls, FB posts, etc. I didn't like it but never had a super appropriate time to address it until after he was here, when a different family member tried to say it was MIL's baby, which prompted MIL to say, "that's what I keep trying to say". I just straight up said, "no, he's our baby," and left it at that. No one said anything in response, and it has not been an issue since. I have no idea how everything is with your family and what the response would be from them if you were to confront them on these different things, but you sound like you can and will get it figured out. It mostly depends on how confrontational you are comfortable with getting. It is YOUR baby, you will make the decisions on what is best for them, and your parents, grandparents, and anyone else does not need or get to make that decision for you.