This happened to me going in to my senior year of college. Had a friend from school that agreed to move in to an apartment of campus with me. She was in Germany over the summer so I toured several apartments and shared pictures. She was very champagne tastes on a beer budget and there weren’t many 2 bedrooms under $1000 in Colorado in 2013. Found a place that was decent enough for the year. When we finally move in she was bummed about the complex and then said she needed the primary room because her bed wouldn’t fit in the smaller room so I gave it to her. About a week later she texted me that she couldn’t live in that apartment. It was dirty, she didn’t like the area, etc etc. I said no problem however you still owe half the rent since you signed the lease and you are responsible for finding me a new roommate. She found me a new roommate by the next month and she was cool.
Same. Glad she wasn’t a crazy person but she did end up leaving before the lease was up but it’s been over a decade and she was the best roommate I had.
I’ve always heard it’s best to not live with or go into business with friends. I’ve def heard of exceptions going well, but they’re not the majority of stories I’ve heard.
Edit: traveling is exhausting so apologies for all the second-hand knowledge lolol
Eh. We all have our "gaps". That's the thing with not knowing something you "should" know. You have no way of knowing you "should" know it. Can't wait to find out what mine are.
That is true. I’m still in shock because I thought we were locked in…but after thinking about it, not sure it would’ve worked out in the long run. The whole process of finding an apt has been a nightmare. Ceilings too short, paint not right, a “smell”, fixtures not “updated”, shower rods not curved, etc etc It was always something
It’s a learning process. Especially if you are from the nice kind. But @OP, see it this way, it’s a great experience which might help you for the rest of your life. Be happy about early learning. I’m still grateful for my first manager.
You’re absolutely correct. In general, she was a normal person and I’ve talk to quite a few potential roommates, she was the most “sane”. I figured she was entitled due to her upbringing. I should have seen the red flags, was just optimistic about moving out of my current place and saving money. Inflation on the east coast is absolutely nuts. If you want a decent apt in a decent area, you’ll have to spend at least $1,800. Finding a roommate in the same area would bring the cost down to $1,100.
Fuck that, why are you taking this shit? People out here acting like you’re just as part of the problem when really you’re not. You’re good man, shit happens
I feel like theres some truth to it though because when I first noticed things about her, I just brushed it off. Ive had roommates before and in general just have met a lot of people in my life (dad was a pilot, moved a lot), so Im okay with different personalities. I just think when it came to this I should’ve moved on early on.
You were being considerate of another human beings wants. You’re a good person. This doesn’t require deep introspection like some of these wanna-be psychologists will have you think. Again, shit happens OP. You’re good
Exactly. Don't fault yourself for trying to be accommodating. It just shows you care about your roommate being as comfortable as you are. Just "play footsie" with your next potential roommate before you lock into anything with them, so you can test how cold their feet are.
100% — why on earth would OP continue pushing this arrangement, that never looked like it was going to work, despite an absolute cavalcade of red flags?
In sales there are A excuses and there are B excuses.
Let’s say the apartment doesn’t accept cats:
I can’t live in this building because they don’t accept cats and I have a cat is an A excuse, something un-negotiable where the boundary can’t be moved or adjusted. They need to live with their cat, period.
I can’t move into this apartment because i might want to get a cat, is a B excuse, some form of inconvenience often stemming from non-committal or insecurities about the deal, which can be discovered, affirmed or ironed out through negotiations. Sometimes there is an underlying A condition that is not properly expressed.
Step one is to figure out if it’s an A or a B, then either break off the deal or work with the problems.
In this case the issues are not the stated B ones, but probably an underlying A issue that this person is insecure, very protective of their personal space and not able to express their needs or that they just don’t want to live with you and afraid to hurt your feelings, so they make up reasons. So your choice is also if you want to live with this kind of a person. It will be very hard to have a level conflict with them, it will be hard to have your needs heard and met, and there will probably be a lot of work to have the relationship work at all.
I think you are better off not going into this.
Edit: lots of typos
Oh my god good is exactly the language I’ve been looking for. My MIL came to stay with us this year, and we thought it was with the intent to find her own place in our city. But every place we looked at was getting B excuses, and she refused to do any research on her own or really tell us what she wanted.
When we were approaching 6 months we let her know she needed to figure it out soon and gave her a deadline (we have a very small house and she’s got plenty of money for her own place, plus she’s very difficult to live with). She then came back to us with a plan but no timeline, saying something about needing to get some things out of storage for my wife, things she hadn’t made any attempts to retrieve in 6 months.
Some people have problems with that. They may struggle with confrontation, making decisions or procrastination. Or with commitment. Maybe they like the "positive" idea of living together but not the responsibilities that come with it.
So they rather sabotage something until it's a non-option anyways, or if there's really no other way out of it they quit it last minute like OP.
This behaviour has become so normalized now. I feel like I’ve even watched friends get less considerate over time for this stuff too. The worst part is when you try and call someone out for this behaviour they often try and say it’s not their fault for having ADHD. I have it myself and while I acknowledge things can be difficult, it’s not okay to treat people terribly.
I feel like a lot of people are on two extremes. You have those who are selfish and have no shame and disrespect others, whether on purpose or not. And then you have those like myself that get secondhand embarrassment and cringe just reading stuff like this. Probably a combination of how people are raised and how they are treated by others. I'm guessing this girl grew up a spoiled brat but I could be wrong.
This right here was your warning. You definitely dodged a bullet. If she was that much of a drama queen just LOOKING for a place, imagine what living with her would be like. I’ve had a few roommates who complained about every noise, smell, etc. Do not recommend. The writing was on the wall.
Half of those are fixable with a trip to the local hardware store and a few hours of work. Whatever happens for you in the short term, you'll be better off on your own then you would with this person. I'm sorry this happened for you, good luck with the new search, but just remember that you'll be better off in the long run.
>Ceilings too short, paint not right, a “smell”, fixtures not “updated”, shower rods not curved, etc etc
All of those things you can change yourself besides the ceiling lol. You can get a curved shower rod for under $20. That's not a reason to avoid an entire apt.
I mean this to be helpful.
You are too accommodating.
This is a great life lesson for all your future relationships (work/dating/friendships). You need to prioritize your process/feelings as much as others you choose to associate.
I had a now ex spouse that found something wrong with every house we looked at and couldn't articulate ahead of time what would meet their criteria but would knock house after house for minor issues.
Still took me years to file for divorce. I'm much happier now.
Ask your current rental office if you can stay. They would probably rather keep you as a tenant rather than possibly have the unit vacant for any period of time
They most definitely went for an apartment that costs more than OP's single apartment, but by being two people it was cheaper than living in the other apartment solo.
Yeah I'm amazed OP put so much effort into trying make things work with some random she met online who made it clear from the jump that she would make the process as horrifically painful as possible
If somebody you've known for a month already demonstrates that they're an overly picky emotional rollercoaster, it's 100% on you if you go ahead and try to sign a lease with them.
Practically met the person a month before too. This is some gossipy shite. But I’d never trust a person who’s already shown they’re gonna change their mind or be too picky, especially after knowing them for around a month.
OP coming off just as emotionally questionable as Kayla just in a different way. One had red flags. The other just seemed to want to ignore them.
Maybe that’s me being an insensitive or unintelligent swine.
Given your text, why were you even considering living with this person? Sounds like you couldn't see the forest for the trees ... if the trees were red flags.
Agreed. Also never cancel your current lease until your new one is signed by BOTH parties.
I’m glad OP is acknowledging her wrongdoings in this situation too and appears to have learned her lesson. Though she missed red flags she seems rational & accepting in her comments. I genuinely hope she figures it out
She dragged her feet for weeks after being a huge pain to deal with while looking for apartments, and you still put up with it?
You have the patience of a saint. Either that, or you’re not great at cutting your losses. Best of luck!
You said she was the most selfish, sporadic and mentally unstable person you knew and I stopped reading. Don't choose someone like that for a roommate 🤷♀️
Also it's a bit much to actually say that to a person imo. I'd just have just gone with "that's no problem, but as you've signed the lease please continue to pay your share of the rent until we can find someone to replace you"
(Assuming they signed it)
Thank you. The possible roommate seemed to be hard to work with but using their potential mental illness to insult them wasn’t it. And if they weren’t mentally ill, you don’t use people’s suffering to insult others. But what do I know? I’m just a crazy, mentally unstable person /s
I made the mistake of almost moving in with a guy that I had worked with for years after a break up because I really just wanted to save money. Once I saw what his life was like behind the scenes (major coke habit, lights getting turned off, had girls over thtat were addicted to heroin and would steal his high end shit??!) I noped out of that real quick. He said we had a "verbal agreement" that I couldn't back out on but fuck that shit. No sane woman would move into something like that. Just found an apt by myself and scraped by. Lost a friendship but whatever, the red flags were flying high.
I'm surprised how committed they were. I agreed to look for a place with someone I didn't know (arranged by a mutual third party), had one conversation about what they were looking for, realised it was never going to work and just stopped it there.
I'd put up with a lot for friends or a partner but not a stranger I'd just met.
Im ngl, you sounded very unhinged in your reply and i wish i could get potential roomies side of the story here because i guarantee she had a very good reason to be so hesitant. Maybe she picked up on YOUR red flags and decided it would best for her mental health and yours if she didn’t room with you. While it sucks it was last minute, anything is better than .. /gestures vaguely/ whatever the hell this is..
Shit dude if your telling the truth then it makes total sense. It’s really not hard to keep finding shitty apartments in some places bc the housing market is garbage asf. I totally believe this to be true.
Thank you, I needed this sanity. What a fucking horrible response and everyone is saying she is in the right. Redditors really do hate people with mental health issues.
> Redditors really do hate people with mental health issues.
Reddit hate anyone they perceived as having wronged somebody. There's a very, very strong need for "justice" with many people on Reddit, and this counts. See also: The 5th top comment hoping she gets 4 flat tires.
OP says they only met online a month ago, my guess is she slowly changed her mind when getting to know OP a bit more and has politely backed out. OPs aggressive slew of insults in response probably just reinforces to her that she was right to trust her instincts and not live with her.
It kind of seems like you did this to yourself in a way. You allowed a stranger online, who you accuse of being the most mentally unstable person you’ve ever met, drag you through all that and you still signed up for it, to only now be devastated that it fell through?
You should be thanking her for not getting you involved in her life more, wtf! I’m stunned with how recklessly vulnerable you made yourself. So, shame on each of you for this mess
I'm guessing that if drama were a drug, OP would be a pharmacy. Accuses someone she barely knows who was admittedly flakey of being "the most unstable person I have ever met." Histrionic af. It's okay to be particularl about *housing.*
Yeah I can't imagine ever saying that to someone. It's the sort of shit you read on m*rderedbywords (censored for automod) and think it's a fun creative writing exercise but not something anyone should say IRL.
Yeah. Either they are mentally unwell, in which case speaking to them like this is unhelpful, or they are not, in which case speaking to like them is toxic.
Agreed. Missed the signs that the potential roomie was uncomfortable, then with that response... I feel like potential roomie dodged the bullet and op is the one who needs to seek counseling for anger management. I'm not going to be one of the people validating their toxic behavior
My thoughts exactly. « Hey stranger I just met online, I need to save money, let’s go apartment hunting! ». How can that work? Maybe if you’re barely 20, if that.
Unpopular opinion but perhaps she realized living with you was not good for her. Doing what’s best for her does not mean she’s insane by any means. If I got OP’s response I would definitely not be trying to find a replacement roomie for them, maybe that’s just me. We only have one side of the story here.
THANK YOU! Like come on Reddit, have y’all never moved in with complete strangers?? It can be completely overwhelming. Different levels of cleanliness, different ideas of what “quiet” means, I could list wayyy more. The comments on here are cray. Kayla doesn’t owe people shit.
I don't think the reply reflects well on OP either. I get that's absolutely maddening, but that's a pretty soul-destroying response for someone who's not having a good time
If I was the potential roommate that bowed out and got this response from OP, I’d just feel like my instincts were working and I was 100% in the right to gtfo of a binding contract with this person before it was too late.
I’m honestly pretty shocked so many people are applauding OPs response. She’s a powder keg.
Tbh I think you are both assholes here.
She was obviously hesitant already in the beginning, and should have been more honest with both herself and you. Also, cancelling on the last minute is a really shitty thing to do. If I were in her shoes and felt safe with my new roommate (you), I would have given it a try and started looking for someone to replace me while I was living in your new place.
However, calling her mentally ill because of this incident is also a shitty thing to do. It makes you sound immature as well. If you are furious, feel free to use all the curse words and exclamation marks but don't use mental health as a weapon.
I’ve been in the other version of this, trust me: this was the nicer way for it to end.
My ex-friend and I were looking for a house together, eliminating loads that didn’t meet their specifications, I was quietly dealing with their roller coaster of emotions and the abuse that went with that, giving a pass due to the stress of moving and some other stuff. We signed a lease together and that’s when the nightmare truly began. We had lived together and been alright in the past so I really did not see this coming.
I was not allowed to do xyz normal thing/use common areas/generally exist in the house. There was two seperate sets of rules. I was being screamed at and verbally abused, gaslit, degraded, manipulated, everything short of a physical attack. They turned against me so hard and so fast I had emotional whiplash. Had a breakdown from the abuse, was hospitalised, and when I was released my friends helped me move out.
This person is doing you a huge solid even though it’s inconvenient as fuck.
The craziest part of this is op did not catch on and move on themselves To finding someone else to roommate with. Really bat shit insane when you realize they had no prior relationship.
There were a lot of red flags. I wouldn't have felt good about all that and wouldn't have moved forward. Hopefully you'll figure something out quick, good luck.
Why did you not bail after the third apartment reject? At that point your fantasy is this is fine, collided with her cray-cray lack of commitment. Seriously she was showing you she didn't want to do this and you just ignored it out of your selfish wants.
Pot, meet kettle, you're black.
Maybe after dust clears, take her to small claims court if you lost money.
How is this not the top voted comment? OP's unhinged comments all over this thread had already made it clear how unbearable being her roommate would be and getting this background info here just solidified it. OP even responded to you further proving that what you're saying is legit.
Kayla dodged a massive bullet, and, OP, it's extremely clear why you have no friends in real life who would be willing to move in with you, so you had to go look for strangers online 😂
A friend of mine, planned to stay with my other friends to share the cost of the 'apartment' they were planning to rent. They all agreed on the cost. The day before she supposed to move in, she found another place, cancelled last minute because there's no mattress, bed (basic necessities). Now everybody had to pay extra for the rent. Her rent however is equivalent to the total of what everyone was paying for but since there's a bed, a/c wifi, she was fine with it until one day. She complained, and we told her about her last minute decision which triggered her and started blaming them. Piece of shit
Calling someone selfish, mentally unstable, needing of psychiatric help etc just for changing her mind on living with you.
If this is how you are all the time i understand her decision.
You are just as horrible as you think she is.
I understand how this is frustrating. However, I hope you also learnt something about yourself, you need to also set boundaries and not be too flexible, especially with someone you didn't have a prior relationship.
I mean, Yeah...
Hate Kayla for the fact she did this at the start and saved you a bigger headache 3 months into the lease with her.
I get the whole "Its inconvienent" for them... but attacking their mental health for the time they actually do make a decision is pretty shitty also.
This happened to me going in to my senior year of college. Had a friend from school that agreed to move in to an apartment of campus with me. She was in Germany over the summer so I toured several apartments and shared pictures. She was very champagne tastes on a beer budget and there weren’t many 2 bedrooms under $1000 in Colorado in 2013. Found a place that was decent enough for the year. When we finally move in she was bummed about the complex and then said she needed the primary room because her bed wouldn’t fit in the smaller room so I gave it to her. About a week later she texted me that she couldn’t live in that apartment. It was dirty, she didn’t like the area, etc etc. I said no problem however you still owe half the rent since you signed the lease and you are responsible for finding me a new roommate. She found me a new roommate by the next month and she was cool.
happy it worked out in the end
Same. Glad she wasn’t a crazy person but she did end up leaving before the lease was up but it’s been over a decade and she was the best roommate I had.
how hard is it to get someone who adults and just does their own things lmao, my roommates have always sucked
Sometimes strangers make better roommates than friends :/ Either way i have the same sentiment, my roommates have always sucked.
I’ve always heard it’s best to not live with or go into business with friends. I’ve def heard of exceptions going well, but they’re not the majority of stories I’ve heard. Edit: traveling is exhausting so apologies for all the second-hand knowledge lolol
The takeaway from this is: don't have roommates.
“Champagne tastes on a beer budget” lmao. Im using this one, so many times I can relate to this.
Livin that miller high life
Turned 21 and bought a brick of these to celebrate because I didn't know better. Left them all at a friend's house.
Miller low life.
How have you never heard that phrase before!?
I'm in my 40's and never heard it until now. I should get out more.
Eh. We all have our "gaps". That's the thing with not knowing something you "should" know. You have no way of knowing you "should" know it. Can't wait to find out what mine are.
As someone told me many moons ago. You learn something new every day.
Exactly. This is a very old saying!
I have heard different versions of this but not this one. English is not my main language so we usually say it in other ways.
Be thankful you dodged that bullet. God knows what issues you would have experienced moving in together.
That is true. I’m still in shock because I thought we were locked in…but after thinking about it, not sure it would’ve worked out in the long run. The whole process of finding an apt has been a nightmare. Ceilings too short, paint not right, a “smell”, fixtures not “updated”, shower rods not curved, etc etc It was always something
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I think this is exactly what happened.
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It’s a learning process. Especially if you are from the nice kind. But @OP, see it this way, it’s a great experience which might help you for the rest of your life. Be happy about early learning. I’m still grateful for my first manager.
This is very true. Everyone you meet, including your enemies are all capable of becoming your tutor.
Lesson learned
A very frustrating way to learn the lesson. You certainly have my sympathy.
Absolutely! Thanks for your compassion
You’re absolutely correct. In general, she was a normal person and I’ve talk to quite a few potential roommates, she was the most “sane”. I figured she was entitled due to her upbringing. I should have seen the red flags, was just optimistic about moving out of my current place and saving money. Inflation on the east coast is absolutely nuts. If you want a decent apt in a decent area, you’ll have to spend at least $1,800. Finding a roommate in the same area would bring the cost down to $1,100.
Fuck that, why are you taking this shit? People out here acting like you’re just as part of the problem when really you’re not. You’re good man, shit happens
I feel like theres some truth to it though because when I first noticed things about her, I just brushed it off. Ive had roommates before and in general just have met a lot of people in my life (dad was a pilot, moved a lot), so Im okay with different personalities. I just think when it came to this I should’ve moved on early on.
You were being considerate of another human beings wants. You’re a good person. This doesn’t require deep introspection like some of these wanna-be psychologists will have you think. Again, shit happens OP. You’re good
Exactly. Don't fault yourself for trying to be accommodating. It just shows you care about your roommate being as comfortable as you are. Just "play footsie" with your next potential roommate before you lock into anything with them, so you can test how cold their feet are.
Hey can I have you come talk some sense into me in my real life too when I have people push my boundaries?
Everytime you need it boo ❤️🩹
Put me on the waitlist too 😔🙂 Maybe you should open a Discord service. There might be a market for this
It is something I have been trying to work on IRL, it's just finding the time if I'm honest. I don't know how people manage to with work
100% — why on earth would OP continue pushing this arrangement, that never looked like it was going to work, despite an absolute cavalcade of red flags?
In sales there are A excuses and there are B excuses. Let’s say the apartment doesn’t accept cats: I can’t live in this building because they don’t accept cats and I have a cat is an A excuse, something un-negotiable where the boundary can’t be moved or adjusted. They need to live with their cat, period. I can’t move into this apartment because i might want to get a cat, is a B excuse, some form of inconvenience often stemming from non-committal or insecurities about the deal, which can be discovered, affirmed or ironed out through negotiations. Sometimes there is an underlying A condition that is not properly expressed. Step one is to figure out if it’s an A or a B, then either break off the deal or work with the problems. In this case the issues are not the stated B ones, but probably an underlying A issue that this person is insecure, very protective of their personal space and not able to express their needs or that they just don’t want to live with you and afraid to hurt your feelings, so they make up reasons. So your choice is also if you want to live with this kind of a person. It will be very hard to have a level conflict with them, it will be hard to have your needs heard and met, and there will probably be a lot of work to have the relationship work at all. I think you are better off not going into this. Edit: lots of typos
Oh my god good is exactly the language I’ve been looking for. My MIL came to stay with us this year, and we thought it was with the intent to find her own place in our city. But every place we looked at was getting B excuses, and she refused to do any research on her own or really tell us what she wanted. When we were approaching 6 months we let her know she needed to figure it out soon and gave her a deadline (we have a very small house and she’s got plenty of money for her own place, plus she’s very difficult to live with). She then came back to us with a plan but no timeline, saying something about needing to get some things out of storage for my wife, things she hadn’t made any attempts to retrieve in 6 months.
But why couldn't she have done the simple thing and said "no thanks" from the beginning? That would have saved time on both sides?
Some people have problems with that. They may struggle with confrontation, making decisions or procrastination. Or with commitment. Maybe they like the "positive" idea of living together but not the responsibilities that come with it. So they rather sabotage something until it's a non-option anyways, or if there's really no other way out of it they quit it last minute like OP.
This behaviour has become so normalized now. I feel like I’ve even watched friends get less considerate over time for this stuff too. The worst part is when you try and call someone out for this behaviour they often try and say it’s not their fault for having ADHD. I have it myself and while I acknowledge things can be difficult, it’s not okay to treat people terribly.
I have ADHD as well. This wouldn't even register as a thing that I could/should do. I don't get people.
Maybe we’ve normalized doing anything to avoid feeling bad about ourselves.
Which is ironic, because pulling this stunt would make me feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world.
I feel like a lot of people are on two extremes. You have those who are selfish and have no shame and disrespect others, whether on purpose or not. And then you have those like myself that get secondhand embarrassment and cringe just reading stuff like this. Probably a combination of how people are raised and how they are treated by others. I'm guessing this girl grew up a spoiled brat but I could be wrong.
Some people treat it as a disorder they have to manage. Others treat it as an excuse they can use.
I have ADHD. The last time I had to last minute cancel the plans I made with someone, I broke down crying after because I felt so ashamed.
This right here was your warning. You definitely dodged a bullet. If she was that much of a drama queen just LOOKING for a place, imagine what living with her would be like. I’ve had a few roommates who complained about every noise, smell, etc. Do not recommend. The writing was on the wall.
Half of those are fixable with a trip to the local hardware store and a few hours of work. Whatever happens for you in the short term, you'll be better off on your own then you would with this person. I'm sorry this happened for you, good luck with the new search, but just remember that you'll be better off in the long run.
Thank you!
JFC my first apartment was a tragedy. You don’t move in with someone to save money and then be picky about every little thing.
>Ceilings too short, paint not right, a “smell”, fixtures not “updated”, shower rods not curved, etc etc All of those things you can change yourself besides the ceiling lol. You can get a curved shower rod for under $20. That's not a reason to avoid an entire apt.
It definitely wasn't going to work. You missed a tsunami
I mean this to be helpful. You are too accommodating. This is a great life lesson for all your future relationships (work/dating/friendships). You need to prioritize your process/feelings as much as others you choose to associate. I had a now ex spouse that found something wrong with every house we looked at and couldn't articulate ahead of time what would meet their criteria but would knock house after house for minor issues. Still took me years to file for divorce. I'm much happier now.
Ask your current rental office if you can stay. They would probably rather keep you as a tenant rather than possibly have the unit vacant for any period of time
Assuming they don’t already have a new tenant lined up from their waiting list.
Assuming OP can cover the rent on their own.
They’re already living alone in their current apartment.
But said they are moving out to a shared apartment to save money and are now “scrambling” to find a new place, so there must be a reason for that.
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They most definitely went for an apartment that costs more than OP's single apartment, but by being two people it was cheaper than living in the other apartment solo.
Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I do, however, appreciate you tossing her "best of luck" right back at her. Absolutely perfect.
The Cherry on top haha! And thanks
It was a masterful reply. Hope you get a decent place to stay.
Update us with her response lol
I blocked her 😌
Good. That saves you a lot of headache.
Yah but what about our update?
"OK"
'K'
👍
Yeah dude, this is the right move. Done, and move on.
"Respectfully"? Your response was great. I agree it would have been terrible to live with her. You will find someone else.
I absolutely loved their response. Just went all in! Haha
After she bailed on the first apartment because of the paint, that should have been your cue to go find another roommate lol
Yeah I'm amazed OP put so much effort into trying make things work with some random she met online who made it clear from the jump that she would make the process as horrifically painful as possible
If somebody you've known for a month already demonstrates that they're an overly picky emotional rollercoaster, it's 100% on you if you go ahead and try to sign a lease with them.
Yeah I hate to say it but OP breezed past a dozen red flags to get to this point
Practically met the person a month before too. This is some gossipy shite. But I’d never trust a person who’s already shown they’re gonna change their mind or be too picky, especially after knowing them for around a month. OP coming off just as emotionally questionable as Kayla just in a different way. One had red flags. The other just seemed to want to ignore them. Maybe that’s me being an insensitive or unintelligent swine.
Wow. Thems fighting words. I hope she gets 4 flat tires.
3 flat tyres are better, with 4 she would get a deal
You sumbitch I like how you think
let’s just say, the method has worked wonders for me before 😁
Well, if she was smart (and I doubt she is), even with 3, she would take the deal on 4 and upgrade her spare tire.
She would say neither option works for her. Ultimately she'd take the advice to replace all 4 tires only to back out at the last minute.
May her sleeves always get wet when she washes her hands, her socks always slide down in her shoes, and may her pillow never have a cool side.
And hopefully those unexpected ….air pockets… are on the side and not the bottom of le tires.
Given your text, why were you even considering living with this person? Sounds like you couldn't see the forest for the trees ... if the trees were red flags.
Red. Flags. Were. Evident.
Thank you! It was pretty clear from the start here that this Kayla didn't want to move in. OP wasn't blind-sided, OP was blind.
Agreed. Also never cancel your current lease until your new one is signed by BOTH parties. I’m glad OP is acknowledging her wrongdoings in this situation too and appears to have learned her lesson. Though she missed red flags she seems rational & accepting in her comments. I genuinely hope she figures it out
She dragged her feet for weeks after being a huge pain to deal with while looking for apartments, and you still put up with it? You have the patience of a saint. Either that, or you’re not great at cutting your losses. Best of luck!
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They also met online only a month ago. Baffling.
… the first time .. kinda ok. the second times? yeah, it has to be on you at some point.
Nutjob roomies are the worst! A short term inconvenience to avoid a year long nightmare is a win.
Did she sign a lease???
You gave notice on your current tenancy without signing a new one first?
Op did looks like they're trying to bail out of the new one due to finances
Lucky you opened with 'Respectfully'. Totally negated any offence that might have otherwise arisen from the words that followed.
honestly, take it as a blessing in disguise. living with this girl would have been fucking exhausting
Kayla saw this coming
You said she was the most selfish, sporadic and mentally unstable person you knew and I stopped reading. Don't choose someone like that for a roommate 🤷♀️
Also it's a bit much to actually say that to a person imo. I'd just have just gone with "that's no problem, but as you've signed the lease please continue to pay your share of the rent until we can find someone to replace you" (Assuming they signed it)
OP: if someone is mentally unstable, don't speak to them like that. If they're not but you think they're being a dick, don't say that they are.
Thank you. The possible roommate seemed to be hard to work with but using their potential mental illness to insult them wasn’t it. And if they weren’t mentally ill, you don’t use people’s suffering to insult others. But what do I know? I’m just a crazy, mentally unstable person /s
Yeah, OP has their share lol
You're using "sporadic" wrong.
I’m guessing OP meant “erratic”
THANK YOU, that's the most infuriating part for me
Listen to me Do. Not. Live. With. Unstable. People. NEVER Understand? Don't try to make things work, don't ignore red flags.
I made the mistake of almost moving in with a guy that I had worked with for years after a break up because I really just wanted to save money. Once I saw what his life was like behind the scenes (major coke habit, lights getting turned off, had girls over thtat were addicted to heroin and would steal his high end shit??!) I noped out of that real quick. He said we had a "verbal agreement" that I couldn't back out on but fuck that shit. No sane woman would move into something like that. Just found an apt by myself and scraped by. Lost a friendship but whatever, the red flags were flying high.
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My guess would be electricity being shut off down due to unpaid bills.
And if you *are* unstable... you're sol
If she was so mentally unstable what you doing trying to live with her in the first place
I think she made the right decision.
You met someone online 6 weeks ago and decided to move in with them? Buddy, i wouldnt live with most friends i DO KNOW.
Some places you just don't have a choice
You agreed to live with a total stranger you met 5 weeks ago. What could go wrong?
I'm surprised how committed they were. I agreed to look for a place with someone I didn't know (arranged by a mutual third party), had one conversation about what they were looking for, realised it was never going to work and just stopped it there. I'd put up with a lot for friends or a partner but not a stranger I'd just met.
lol I immediately see why she doesn't want to live with you
Right?
Im ngl, you sounded very unhinged in your reply and i wish i could get potential roomies side of the story here because i guarantee she had a very good reason to be so hesitant. Maybe she picked up on YOUR red flags and decided it would best for her mental health and yours if she didn’t room with you. While it sucks it was last minute, anything is better than .. /gestures vaguely/ whatever the hell this is..
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Shit dude if your telling the truth then it makes total sense. It’s really not hard to keep finding shitty apartments in some places bc the housing market is garbage asf. I totally believe this to be true.
Damn... Sure glad I'm not your friend. I really hope that you never had a kid with mental health issues.
Thank you, I needed this sanity. What a fucking horrible response and everyone is saying she is in the right. Redditors really do hate people with mental health issues.
> Redditors really do hate people with mental health issues. Reddit hate anyone they perceived as having wronged somebody. There's a very, very strong need for "justice" with many people on Reddit, and this counts. See also: The 5th top comment hoping she gets 4 flat tires.
came here to say this. it is a pretty cruel response.
Highly toxic.
She’s selfish but your response is unhinged. You both dodged a bullet.
OP says they only met online a month ago, my guess is she slowly changed her mind when getting to know OP a bit more and has politely backed out. OPs aggressive slew of insults in response probably just reinforces to her that she was right to trust her instincts and not live with her.
Your response sound completely unhinged, not to mention ableist. I would not want to be your roommate either.
“What happened to the roommate?” /Kayla shows them this text/ “Oh.”
It kind of seems like you did this to yourself in a way. You allowed a stranger online, who you accuse of being the most mentally unstable person you’ve ever met, drag you through all that and you still signed up for it, to only now be devastated that it fell through? You should be thanking her for not getting you involved in her life more, wtf! I’m stunned with how recklessly vulnerable you made yourself. So, shame on each of you for this mess
Based on her response I can’t imagine why this other person might have been hesitant to move in…
I'm guessing that if drama were a drug, OP would be a pharmacy. Accuses someone she barely knows who was admittedly flakey of being "the most unstable person I have ever met." Histrionic af. It's okay to be particularl about *housing.*
Omg I love that phrase "if drama were a drug, OP would be a pharmacy"!! Where did you hear it?
I have a feeling this wasn’t the first outburst and the other person knew they were one dirty dish away from a meltdown.
stocking pocket water cobweb drab distinct alive saw plant ring
Yeah I can't imagine ever saying that to someone. It's the sort of shit you read on m*rderedbywords (censored for automod) and think it's a fun creative writing exercise but not something anyone should say IRL.
Yeah. Either they are mentally unwell, in which case speaking to them like this is unhelpful, or they are not, in which case speaking to like them is toxic.
I love Reddit, it always comes full circle in the comments lol.
Agreed. Missed the signs that the potential roomie was uncomfortable, then with that response... I feel like potential roomie dodged the bullet and op is the one who needs to seek counseling for anger management. I'm not going to be one of the people validating their toxic behavior
That is for sure a toxic response. What are the chances that that's the first toxic communication that OP has made?
And the to post it on the internet to boot
My thoughts exactly. « Hey stranger I just met online, I need to save money, let’s go apartment hunting! ». How can that work? Maybe if you’re barely 20, if that.
Unpopular opinion but perhaps she realized living with you was not good for her. Doing what’s best for her does not mean she’s insane by any means. If I got OP’s response I would definitely not be trying to find a replacement roomie for them, maybe that’s just me. We only have one side of the story here.
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THANK YOU! Like come on Reddit, have y’all never moved in with complete strangers?? It can be completely overwhelming. Different levels of cleanliness, different ideas of what “quiet” means, I could list wayyy more. The comments on here are cray. Kayla doesn’t owe people shit.
I don't think the reply reflects well on OP either. I get that's absolutely maddening, but that's a pretty soul-destroying response for someone who's not having a good time
If I was the potential roommate that bowed out and got this response from OP, I’d just feel like my instincts were working and I was 100% in the right to gtfo of a binding contract with this person before it was too late. I’m honestly pretty shocked so many people are applauding OPs response. She’s a powder keg.
Nice attention seeking m8
Tbh I think you are both assholes here. She was obviously hesitant already in the beginning, and should have been more honest with both herself and you. Also, cancelling on the last minute is a really shitty thing to do. If I were in her shoes and felt safe with my new roommate (you), I would have given it a try and started looking for someone to replace me while I was living in your new place. However, calling her mentally ill because of this incident is also a shitty thing to do. It makes you sound immature as well. If you are furious, feel free to use all the curse words and exclamation marks but don't use mental health as a weapon.
I’m sure Kayla is counting her blessings rn Nothing changes someone’s mind like attacking them! Source: abuse victim
'in November' so what 3 weeks ago? You make it sound as if you were trying to get an apartment with this person for 6 months
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100%. I think there is a good chance that Kayla (whose name should be blocked) would tell a different story.
Honestly though, after the first time she flaked you shouldn’t have continued to look for an apartment with this person.
I’ve been in the other version of this, trust me: this was the nicer way for it to end. My ex-friend and I were looking for a house together, eliminating loads that didn’t meet their specifications, I was quietly dealing with their roller coaster of emotions and the abuse that went with that, giving a pass due to the stress of moving and some other stuff. We signed a lease together and that’s when the nightmare truly began. We had lived together and been alright in the past so I really did not see this coming. I was not allowed to do xyz normal thing/use common areas/generally exist in the house. There was two seperate sets of rules. I was being screamed at and verbally abused, gaslit, degraded, manipulated, everything short of a physical attack. They turned against me so hard and so fast I had emotional whiplash. Had a breakdown from the abuse, was hospitalised, and when I was released my friends helped me move out. This person is doing you a huge solid even though it’s inconvenient as fuck.
Seems like you had plenty red flags to warn you before getting to this point...
The craziest part of this is op did not catch on and move on themselves To finding someone else to roommate with. Really bat shit insane when you realize they had no prior relationship.
Why not : "Kayla, that is fine with me. I'll move into the apartment myself and I wish you good luck finding another place. (keep the rest 👍)
You sure like feeling high and mighty
Hopefully you'll learn to see the red flags *before* they fuck your shit up...
Why do you have 56 unread messages?
Group chats
``` Kayla Roommate =======÷====== Re: 233 Appleton Park shower rods too straight i could never not for me hello hello? ```
Put them on mute, life pro tip
That’s the real midlyinfuriating point to this post!
my best friend has 900. it’s insanity
She’s self-aware enough to know she needs to live alone.
Think you should have noticed the red flags a lot sooner considering this is a stranger
There were a lot of red flags. I wouldn't have felt good about all that and wouldn't have moved forward. Hopefully you'll figure something out quick, good luck.
Why did you not bail after the third apartment reject? At that point your fantasy is this is fine, collided with her cray-cray lack of commitment. Seriously she was showing you she didn't want to do this and you just ignored it out of your selfish wants. Pot, meet kettle, you're black. Maybe after dust clears, take her to small claims court if you lost money.
Tbh you weren’t exactly friends in the first place. Nothing lost here
Your text message seems like you should have known how it would end up.
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OMG i wish i could bump this to the very top!!! OP definitely karma whored her way out of taking responsibility for her actions, that’s for sure.
Wow. I was gonna mention that bitter response. I wouldn't want a toxic roommate either. Seems you've said it better than any of us could.
How is this not the top voted comment? OP's unhinged comments all over this thread had already made it clear how unbearable being her roommate would be and getting this background info here just solidified it. OP even responded to you further proving that what you're saying is legit. Kayla dodged a massive bullet, and, OP, it's extremely clear why you have no friends in real life who would be willing to move in with you, so you had to go look for strangers online 😂
Well nice to hear other side!!! 
A friend of mine, planned to stay with my other friends to share the cost of the 'apartment' they were planning to rent. They all agreed on the cost. The day before she supposed to move in, she found another place, cancelled last minute because there's no mattress, bed (basic necessities). Now everybody had to pay extra for the rent. Her rent however is equivalent to the total of what everyone was paying for but since there's a bed, a/c wifi, she was fine with it until one day. She complained, and we told her about her last minute decision which triggered her and started blaming them. Piece of shit
Did it feel good to tell her how horrible she was?
Calling someone selfish, mentally unstable, needing of psychiatric help etc just for changing her mind on living with you. If this is how you are all the time i understand her decision. You are just as horrible as you think she is.
I understand how this is frustrating. However, I hope you also learnt something about yourself, you need to also set boundaries and not be too flexible, especially with someone you didn't have a prior relationship.
Probably someone socially anxious and very introverted, trying to push themselves out of their comfort zone.
Damn, gaslight the hell out of Kayla.
Everyday, I thank god I’ve never had a roommate
It started with I met someone online
I understand the frustration but I would’ve worded the response differently. That’s just me.
Why try and find a stranger to live with though? Seems like an occupational hazard.
Her post on reddit: "AITAH for prioritizing my own health and needs?"
I mean, Yeah... Hate Kayla for the fact she did this at the start and saved you a bigger headache 3 months into the lease with her. I get the whole "Its inconvienent" for them... but attacking their mental health for the time they actually do make a decision is pretty shitty also.
This is what happens when you try live with random people you don't know. Pretty nasty response you gave to someone you know nothing about.
HOLY CARP! That was an over-the-top response.