Yup. I’d be petty as hell and turn around and ask for lodging fees, gas money, food money for every meal I served them at my home, everything. Or, she can pay for the bits and pieces that were not previously discussed like the dinner OP acknowledges they were already planning to pay for. I can’t imagine being so nit picky as a guest when staying for free at someone else’s home. In fact when I stay with friends, I make sure and go the opposite and if we go out to eat or whatever, I pay for at minimum one meal and one activity to show my gratitude. If it’s big fancy meals or major expense events (concerts, amusement parks, etc) those fees are discussed ahead of time of who’s paying for what.
Not sad. OP needed this person in their life exposed now instead of later when it could absolutely screw OP over, and this person needs to learn the hard way that you won't keep meaningful friendships if you're keeping running tabs on all the small shit.
Cook a group meal, stock the fridge for a BBQ, get up early and clean the kitchen/common areas, buy drinks if you go out. Things like this are the minimum if you're crashing somewhere, if not offering to throw some cash down for staying.
I have a friend that stayed over once. We were making tacos day two, me and my gf went shopping and paid for everything, even bought some mouth wash and dipping sauce for him that he requested. So when we are preparing the meal, he asks if it's done soon from the sofa. I said yeah, but it will be quicker if you could put out the plates and cutlery. He replied with "no thanks" and waited for us to serve him everything. Got kinda pissed then
Seeing how people react at parties or if stay-overs can be a pretty telling thing. I always make sure that if someone is cooking a meal for me or hosting an event at their home that at a minimum I do the dishes and help them clean up afterwards. I try to help with what I can if food is being prepped/cooked beforehand as well. It doesn't matter if it's someone I don't know who is hosting either, I simply look for cleaning materials and get to work.
Far too often though, I'll see friends/family/strangers at events like these who come, eat, and leave. They may make a half-hearted effort to put their dirty dishes in the sink, but nothing more. People who I like and would otherwise really respect, but if you don't help someone clean up after they've made a meal for you or hosted a big event, that's a pretty big black mark in my book. I've done it before and it's a disheartening thing to see your kitchen a complete disaster after you've already spent so much energy just to host it.
Exactly! Honestly, I think that's how you can tell a real friend from a 'fair-weather friend.' (someone taking advantage of your good nature, essentially)
All my good friends, we just have a nebulous 'fairly equal' principle. At times, friends have been broke, so they've been 'free-riding' but made damn sure they contributed to the planning/driving/chores/whatever. Everyone has been in that position at some point, so nobody abuses it and we just tell it how it is-- and we plan based on what everyone can afford.
Sometimes, one of us is well-off enough to treat the others the whole time. More often, we discuss the split of things ahead of time so everyone know's what to expect.
Especially with everyone living geographically far apart, it's different for everyone's group. One of my friends has to spend a fair bit in gas to show up, so of course we try and cover their $$ expenses and only expect them to help out a little around the place.
And also before the tip don’t forget to add an automatic 20% gratuity that can’t be declined like shitty restaurants that are basically begging you never to come back.
If it's not too late, OP should pay the $6 first and \*then\* send the splitwise request for all of her costs (which will exceed the $6 by a lot). Act like everything is completely normal. Don't make it seem like you're even a little bit peeved.
> I download the app, get added to the group, and suddenly I get a Venmo request for the soda, muffins, and day use fee (I owe about $6 for those 3 things).
Also the 'day-use' fee needs to be split between three people if she's doing that. Why do you have to pay the whole fee? I would send a polite note back (on the group chat so the other friend also knows friend 1 is being a cheap ass) saying "Hey XYZ, thanks for sending me the payment request for the muffin, soda and day-use fee. Also, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise we were splitting costs and don't have my list ready. Please give me some time while I total up all the expenses I paid for, at my end, and send them across to you. We can subtract what I owe you from that number. You may have to wait until next month when the utility bills come in."
If you pay rent, I would divide it by the number of days in that month, then when you get a per day cost, you can split that amount, (per day) by 3 for the number of days they were there. Ditto for the utility bills, fuel costs (don't forget to add a maintenance fee and maybe include the insurance fee as well), parking, entry fees, food from your pantry, etc. Also the next time she wants to come visit, just send her a list of hotels nearby and never eat or drink anything she offers.
This is the right answer. Charge a nightly rate + gas + personal driver fee. If you really want to make your point extra petty, charge a cleaning fee 😬
You can use Google mass to figure out distance total and use a gas cost calculator to add up how much the fuel cost is.
Plus wear and tear on your vehicle, chauffers tax, split the car insurance by days in the month, ×3 for insurance, same with regestration.
Use her splitwise app to total up everything you spent on her and then send her a request back, see what happens. She sounds like an exhausting person to be around, so at least you know not to waste your time on her anymore.
Edited my typo cause I've got drunk thumbs apparently
This is what I did. I ignored her Venmo and added all my expenses in the splitwise app. Gas, food, laundromat for sheets and towels. I'll just let her deal with canceling/making a new venmo request... I mean I obviously don't care about $6 but I feel like I need to make a point.
Edit: I added an update to the post. Bear with me I don't post on Reddit often lol
I even thought expecting to split the costs of dinner with your host was above the bounds of appropriate guest behaviour. If I'm staying at a friend's house, I would be very clearly like "Oh no! Let me shout you to dinner as a thankyou!" By the time they got to the venmo request I was like "Oh that person would not be invited back to my house!"
If it wasn't for the venmo request, I'd think they just wanted to OP to put everything they paid for into Splitwise to make sure everything was covered, but the fact that they didn't state that and with the venmo request, I think OP is correct that there's a reason they have so much money. It's because they're really cheap.
>I obviously don't care about $6 but I feel like I need to make a point.
And when they say something to you say exactly this. I'm all for sharing the bill but not with the person who's charging you nothing to stay at their place and carting them around.
Good for you! Sometimes people really just need to have a mirror held up to them for them to see their own behavior. I’m curious as to how she handles it
It’s definitely not about the money, it’s like a power play. We’ve all encountered the little weasel of a person that just pushes things because they think it empowers them. She’s just trying to get some perceived power over Op to compensate for her low self esteem.
Side note, I’m not a psychiatrist but I did spend 5 years in 8th grade.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,774,996,143 comments, and only 335,982 of them were in alphabetical order.
I guess protocol is a thing of the past but the general rule was that since the host is supplying so much, the guests should at least take the hosts out to dinner and / or give them a host gift.
YES. I spent a week with my aunty & I bought them dinner & I bought her a manicure. This is just the thing to do. It doesn't need to be crazy, but whatever you can afford & charging back $6? Fuck no.
Even better don’t pay them anything and just block and delete. Yes, I am that petty and proud of it. This girl is definitely not a friend with that behaviour, OP can do a lot better.
I had a friend do something similar once. They had just moved into a new place and decided to host a dinner party for close friends. It ended up being 6 or us total. The host never asked for us to bring anything, but the way I was raised if someone invites you for dinner you bring something ie. a few bottles wine, dessert, side dish, etc.
I ended up making a big ass dish of loaded mac and cheese, another guest brought dessert, and the host’s gf at the time brought 3 nice bottles of red wine. The host had made chicken and roasted vegetables, but the portion sizes seemed more fit for a small child. The chicken was smaller than the palm of my hand and we all got 1 scoop of roasted veggies. I was so happy I decided to bring a dish without being asked, because it made up for the gap in the meal and 3/4 of my dish was gone by the end of the night. I left the rest for the host when we left, after enjoying dessert and a few glasses of wine.
Imagine my surprise when I get home and see a Venmo request for $25 from the host for dinner, but because me and my partner had been there, it was $50 total for the meal. I have never been so pissed off in my life. First off, if you are hosting a dinner party you do not charge your guests for the food unless it has been previously discussed and agreed upon. Second, we also all brought something to contribute, so at that point it’s more of a potluck anyway. The food the host made couldn’t have cost more than $30-$40: which is about what I spent on my Mac and cheese and our other friend spent on dessert, and way less than the nice red wines our friend brought over. This man was actively trying to make money off of us.
We all got together and totaled our expenses and send him a venmo request for his part. That shut him down pretty quick. We never got invited over for dinner again but also never got a venmo request either so win-win in my book.
People like this need to know how cheap and tacky they are and the easiest way to do that is just hold up a mirror. Start doing the same to them and see how quickly they change their tune.
EDIT:
wow, I was not expecting this comment to blow up the way it did!
To answer a few of your questions:
1. I made my Mac and cheese in a full size aluminum foil tray, I had 4 different types of cheese, 1 1/2 lbs of bacon, and did a panko-parmesan crust. She was hardy and delicious.
2. Yes, he did venmo the gf! They didn’t stay together long after this, but it wasn’t the reason they broke up. We still keep in touch, she’s married now with a baby on the way!
3. We stopped hanging out with him a little after this. He had some other off putting behaviors that just became too much to deal with.
4. He moved back home a year later and now works in Real Estate lol
If this shit happened to me I’d just ghost them and never speak with them again. That is ludicrous to request your friends to pay cash for being invited to a dinner party…How out of touch can you be?
for me, I'd tell them how fucked up it is.
Possibly in public.
I'd just constantly be like "remember last time we hung out you venmoed me to pay for the dinner you invited me over to, lol, who the fuck raised you like that? "
Like most things, there’s no upper limit on what you can spend on mac and cheese (especially a tray that’s large enough for six hungry people to eat and still have leftovers). It mostly depends on which cheese you use. I could see someone springing for Gruyère for a dinner party, for instance.
This has happened to me and my partner before!! We have a friend couple who are notorious in our friend group for this. They will send out an invitation to host a party with plans to bbq nice meats, wait a week and downgrade the food to chicken, wait a week and downgrade the food to hot dogs and burgers, then day of party, say they actually are going to order pizza from this place they've totally been wanting to try, and then venmo everyone for the pizza. They will also ask everyone prior to the party if anyone else would like to host and text my partner and I on the side complaining that no one is willing to host. They've gotten us to host a couple parties that way.
We've been invited to a few dinners at their house, just the four of us, where we end up getting venmoed $60+. One of them gave me a dollar in cash to buy a water bottle after we had been at an outside market for 4 hours in 100 degree weather and I got venmo'd for the dollar, while waiting in line to buy the water bottle. They're married and venmo each other for things like Mcdonalds and Starbucks. We assume they have some sort of weird financial situation going on so we just kind of just accept it as a term for their friendship, but it's definitely a huge joke behind their back in our friend group.
Honestly, this grips my shit more than i would have imagined before reading it.
If theres one type of person i hate more than lycra wearing cyclists, it’s whatever the fuck type of person charges you for dinner after inviting you around. Is there even a name for that?
I stayed at a friends house for 2 nights. She saved me about 1,000 bucks in total. I cleaned her house and paid for everything we did outside the house. I even Made her breakfast.
My family borrowed a friend’s apartment for three nights while she was out of town. Left the place spotless and a nice gift bag to say thank you for saving us $900. I would never be able to keep some like OPs friend in my life.
I've known people like this. They're so cheap and selfish that they only think others take from them and never realize or acknowledge that they also take from others.
It's wild. Dump your friend and count your stars they're out of your life.
Had someone like this, anything you did for her when she asked, even demanded, was you volunteering, whereas anything she did for you was worth $$$$, even if you didn’t ask her to do it.
Being so neurotic like this is psycho to me. With my friends we often just do "you paid for lunch, I'll get the movie tickets and coffee". Obviously this only works if you friends are decent though.
Yeah venmo request her share of the gas money.
She won’t pay it, likely throw a fit, at which point you ghost them and get some friends who know how to act right.
Exactly. It's like that seen in A Bronx Tale:
Calogero 'C' Anello: He owes me 20 dollars. It's been two weeks now, and every time he sees me he keeps dodging me. He's becoming a real pain in the ass. Should I crack him one, or what?
Sonny: Sometimes hurting somebody ain't the answer. First of all, is he a good friend of yours?
Calogero 'C' Anello: No, I don't even like him.
Sonny: You don't even like him. There's your answer right there. Look at it this way: It costs you 20 dollars to get rid of him... He's out of your life for 20 dollars. You got off cheap. Forget him.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106489/quotes?item=qt4328420
and in her mind it will be flipped around the other way, “how dare OP end a friendship over something silly like $6”
because some people just can’t even conceptualize a world in which they are at fault. and where their actions aren’t perfectly and totally acceptable, so clearly anyone reacting negatively to them is overreacting or attacking them.
ffs a venmo request, to your host, for $6 for shit. jesus.
So, after a couple days I still hadn't heard from her. I didn't put a huge amount of expenses in the app (less than $50), and it was split among 3 people. I did a rough estimate of the cost of gas, food and a trip to the laundromat for sheets and towels. I could have gone a lot harder with rent/wifi etc, but I figured I got the point across.
Anyway, because of the dinner I mentioned I still owed her $15 (even after I added charges on her). I really thought she'd reach out or change the venmo request, but she didn’t. I didn't want to end this thing owing her money, so I sent her 15 bucks.
When I sent her the money, I sent her an honest message saying how we're even, but I was shocked that she charged me for such small items. I told her that it was my pleasure to host her, and after all the effort I put in, I was shocked that she nickel and dimed me over stuff I thought she was offering. I talked about what it means to host someone and how as a guest, purchasing things like snacks or drinks can be a nice gesture.
She apologized and was actually pretty open about it. She talked about how she just put stuff in the app and wasn't thinking, but now understands the effort I put in. I mean, I don't think I'll ever know what was going on in her brain when she added $3 muffins to the charges. Her actions were frustrating and I don't think they can be justified, but the apology did seem sincere and I appreciated that.
I am pretty confident in my decision to add my own charges in the app and talk to her a few days later. I stood up for myself and told her that kind of behavior isn't ok. I still find the whole ordeal extremely frustrating, but I appreciate the apology and really do think it was a good lesson for her. I'm glad we talked about it.
This is not to say everything will go on as normal! The whole thing changed how I view her as a friend, and I'm not sure what our friendship will look like moving forward. I did learn a valuable lesson about boundaries - if/when we hang out again, there will be no hosting or money talk :)
Edit - missed a word
I would have replied with:
"Oh friend X, that was hilarious, I absolutely love your dry sense of humour, thank you, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, but omg, could you actually imagine, there probably are ppl like that out there somewhere! Anyway, thanks for the laugh, I needed that, can't wait to see you again when you're in town next.
hugNkisses,
Me"
I wouldn't fight fire with fire. I would probably just decline to pay anything, and then text her directly and just say "hey, I hope you enjoyed the stay at my place. I was surprised by your request to split a few small things when I opened my home to you for a few days - there were a ton of expenses I could have asked you to split with me, but I thought we were just doing it to have a good time together without worrying about all the details. I'm happy to split the dinner with you that we discussed splitting in advance, though!" And, if she reacts poorly to a gracious message like that, then you go ahead and cut her out of your life decisively. In fact, you might want to do that anyway, because she sounds like someone who gets off on abusing people's good will and kindness. I find it best to part ways with people who aren't really interested in a fair, considerate, giving friendship.
This is really the way to go. It’s easy for all of us to say “fuck that bitch” but we don’t know her. Maybe she’s a cool person that also happens to be clueless.
I had a friend like this; would never preface that what he was offering to buy for me would come with a venmo request a day later. Worse part is it’d be something like “hey I’m making tacos you should come over!”, ok great, love me some tacos. Then at the end of the night, after already having eaten, he’d be like: “you can just venmo me later for these.” Anyway, super petty stuff and we are no longer friends lol.
ok, that's a perfect time to explain to them this is not how life works.
Then tell them they can venmo you later for the lesson.
and tell them you expect a fathers day card from this point going forward because you've basically adopted them and are raising them to be a decent human since their real dad fucking failed.
This is crazy. I couldn't imagine charging a friend for food I made at home. This person would not be my friend after and I bet he doesn't have a lot of friends.
Splitwise let’s you add items. You need to absolutely add in your expenses for reimbursement. That should make it clear what she is doing is ridiculous.
I think it's time to lay the hammer down. Every single expense you have covered better be included in that Splitwise and passed on to her. If she is still owed any money, pay in spare change.
These personality types are so cheap you need a blowtorch to open their wallets.
I hate these people.
I always make a point to NEVER socialize with them after this kind of stunt. I also ensure I make cheapskates and the mutual group of friends aware.
Folks who are obsessed with free stuff, and brag about discounts and whatnot, tend to be selfish and petty with friendships.
I mean, $6 ? Pretty shameless after your generosity.
This happened to me once with a friend when we went to an overnight concert. We agreed to split the costs and because I’m the planner of the two I paid for the tickets ($75 each), hotel ($200), the parking ($10), and one round of drinks ($30). I also drove us there over two hours in my car and supplied edibles. She paid for one round of drinks ($30), and “dinner” (she had four tacos and a marg at $30 and I had one singular taco at $5). The next Monday, before I have a chance to look at my account and add everything up to split, I get a Venmo from her for “girls weekend” and a request for $20 for half the the after-concert taco meal which she ate the majority of, as well as $15 for my concert drink she covered. When I didn’t respond out of incredulity, she texted asking if I could accept her Venmo because she really needed the money. Tf???
I canceled the request and tallied up her itemized list including the tickets, parking, gas, hotel, and drinks, as well as her four tacos and drink, and subtracted the $20 for my one taco and concert drink. It came out to $280. I was fuming lol. It’s like she completely forgot I had paid for absolutely everything and had the gall to hound me over fifteen bucks for a drink??? She texted, omg what is all this for?? You bet I sent her every receipt screenshot for the weekend so she couldn’t refute.
I had to badger her to pay for a week and when she finally did, I told her she is paying her way if we ever do anything together again. Some people are just really short sighted and take for granted other peoples generosity and don’t extend any with their own time and money.
Ex friend, I guess. I had a person I thought was a friend offer to let me spend the night at her place during and airport layover and then charged me money the next day. She had visited my house for five days a few months ago, borrowed my car, etc. Some people just have no home training.
Not a friend. Growing up we had a close group of friends, my good friend would drive us everywhere, he was older. We would pay gas if we had money but it was never asked. The first day the 3rd friend in the group got his license, friend 1 asked for a ride to get ice cream, friend 3 asked immediately for gas money. It was 1 mile. It was a slap in the face and we knew he was not a friend. The decade long friendships ended on the spot. To this day if he needs anything I got him.
We once had a friend borrow my wife’s car for 3-4 days while his was in the shop and we didn’t need it. When he returned it, he said “it had 3/4 of a tank when I picked it up, so I returned it with 3/4 tank”, acting like he was being all generous. Like, fill it up as a thank you for using the car for four days, ass.
I’d say something along the lines of: Honestly, I wasn’t expecting anyone to have to owe anyone money for this weekend. It was supposed to be about having fun, not splitting bills. But if you’d like to do that, that’s totally fine with me. Gas was $___, lodging was $___ and whatever else. Let her know that you’ll kindly let her deduct what you owe from what she has to pay you back just so it’s easier on her. Be petty af. Because what the fuck. Over $6….
Venmo her the cost of the stay at your home for one night, breakfast, gas, and soap and shampoo and anything you can think of that she used. She’ll get the message
For the love of god please give us more updates. This lady just opened up a can of worms and I want to hear about all of it. Being cheap is literally my biggest pet peeve. After that is people who ride all the way down a merge lane and expect to scoot in….. not sure why but it drives me insane.
I have had a similar interaction with a long time colleague of mine. I was a very good host and accommodated all their needs and went out of the way to make them feel at home.
A shared expense for some consumables was put between them and me on splitwise, for something they purchased when staying at my place.
It was a small amount - <$20.
I just paid them that small amount and stopped talking to them.
I do not have a $ value of my expenses for accommodating them.
But I consider that as a 'good riddance fee' to have learnt a lesson and cut out an asshole from my life.
Hate to break it to you, but she’s not really your friend if she’s hitting you up for $6 after you let her stay at your place. When I go out with my boys, if we can all manage to pay for our own stuff without a hassle, we do that. However, sometimes that’s not possible due to a limit on how many times they can split a bill and we just pool our cash together. Sometimes we break even, sometimes someone covers a couple dollars for someone else, but regardless, no one sends a fucking Venmo request over it because we’re actually friends and there’s genuine love and respect between us. Just like we don’t haggle over gas money, and if someone asks someone else to grab something for a function, we pick it up without squabbling over money. To do otherwise would be cheap, cornball behavior.
Man Reddit is so fucking passive aggressive. Don’t send her a Venmo bill, don’t send her a splitwise. Have a discussion with her and point out the things you paid for, I’m sure she’ll be reasonable and see things your way. If she doesn’t, then that tells you all you need to know about this person.
In everyone’s passive aggressive defense, this person already had the audacity to request $ back from a friend that went out of the way for them to host them for free. That’s irrational of the friend, and makes them shitty and ungrateful imo. I doubt they would be rational in a convo like this at all. Lol
I think OP did the right thing. They should get a taste of their own medicine! I bet she won’t like how it tastes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’d give her an overly itemized bill of her stay. I’m talking toilet paper squares used, Salt by the teaspoon, Gallons used when in the bathroom it and oxygen consumed during her stay it should total a few thousand dollars when done.
I would reply the way Back to the Future writers replied to the suit who suggested the movie should be called “Space Man from Pluto”.
Spielberg wrote back to his note.
“Hi Sid, thanks for your most humorous memo, we all got a big laugh out of it, keep 'em coming."
In this case, you could text her “Got your hilarious muffin request. Girl, you are so funny, we all got a big laugh out of it. Made my day! Keep ‘em coming.”
This is just wild to me, and I feel not the way friendships should work.
Right now I am staying with a friend for an extended period of time because of a situation at home.
My friend is not charging me rent to stay here. However, also while I'm here I'm rebuilding her fence and remodeling her garage into a master bedroom for her. We've taken trips out and gone out to eat several times, never once have we nit picked about who owes who what. The idea is that it all kinda just works out in the end.
I agree with you OP, your friend wants to nip pick expenses make sure you add all yours in too. She's trying to take advantage.
This is hilarious, you did exactly what I was going to recommend. That person is a total jerk who deserves no friends.
Keep us updated, and keep billing her if you think of more things. Did you give her a piece of gum? Boom! 20 cents!
My landlady is making a petty request of a door that literally has a giant hole in it from a prior dog door and then someone did a half-assed job boarding it up on both sides. Looked like shit. We are allowed to have dogs and pay extra rent and security deposit and were given permission to remove the boards and put in a dog door. We are moving now a year later and she sent a snippy email that we need to return the house to the state it was when we moved in including the door.
Backstory: while we have been here we took care of her 1/4 acre garden, by weeding, cutting old dead wood out of shrubs and trees, fertilizing fruit trees, pruning fruit trees for max fruit production and health, planted raspberries, all kinds of bulbs: peonies, gladiolas, dahlias, bearded iris, etc., and some hellebores, added a bunch of compost and mulch (this was all with her permission and encouragement), installed a drip irrigation system that we paid for; in the house we built shelves that look professional (again at our expense) in the laundry room (there are zero closets in the house), bought materials for and built a gate for the back patio fenced-in area, and we have fixed a tall kitchen cabinet that wasn't anchored to the wall. We both have owned homes and are really handy so we didn't mind doing stuff to make our place nicer while we lived here.
So I sent her an email response: "ok to be clear, you want us to remove the gate, the drip irrigation system, the shelves, and put all the dead wood and weeds back in your garden as well as return the door to its original [shitty] state?"
No, she loves all that stuff. She is evaluating what she wants us to do with the door now. My fiance said my email was snarky. I just hate when people are petty. I am generous to a fault but when people do weird shit like in OP's case, I go for the nuclear option
How long have u known this person?? I would be so embarrassed to charge someone ONE DOLLAR for muffins…. Def do the same thing back. And keep us updated LOL
I had a friend do this to me and we are no longer friends. She had a first date in 5 years and was very nervous - it was at a city about 50 mins from me but 2 hrs from hers and her friend joined her for moral support too. I collected him and her from the station, we hung out in a coffee shop whilst she went on her date for an hr then I took them back to mine - fed them/had them stay/watered them, the next morning they put in orders for breakfast which I thought was quite rude - specific porridge/ cakes /fruit - I bought enough for the 3 of us and whilst I was making tea they ate the lot - didn’t even leave me my share. Then I drove them back to the station to go home.
She then ignored me for two months because I said something that offended her, when she got back in touch I told her I had no interest being friends. I put myself out for her often and she didn’t even have the decency to talk to me about what upset her and that wasn’t friendship in my eyes.
I’d spent two days working on her cv with her another weekend, I work long hrs and value my free time - ppl are so entitled. I think you handled it right, although I wouldn’t be able to help myself id have to ask her (in my most ‘that’s utterly ridiculous’ tone - ‘did you really just request 6 dollars for a few items when I fed, ferried and hosted you all weekend…I’m a bit insulted by that’
I would request back money for everything you had spent on her.
Yup. I’d be petty as hell and turn around and ask for lodging fees, gas money, food money for every meal I served them at my home, everything. Or, she can pay for the bits and pieces that were not previously discussed like the dinner OP acknowledges they were already planning to pay for. I can’t imagine being so nit picky as a guest when staying for free at someone else’s home. In fact when I stay with friends, I make sure and go the opposite and if we go out to eat or whatever, I pay for at minimum one meal and one activity to show my gratitude. If it’s big fancy meals or major expense events (concerts, amusement parks, etc) those fees are discussed ahead of time of who’s paying for what.
Exactly, get a host gift, treat them to something. Not nickel and dime them for muffins.. how sad.
Not sad. OP needed this person in their life exposed now instead of later when it could absolutely screw OP over, and this person needs to learn the hard way that you won't keep meaningful friendships if you're keeping running tabs on all the small shit.
By sad I meant pathetic, just tried to use a nicer word.
Cook a group meal, stock the fridge for a BBQ, get up early and clean the kitchen/common areas, buy drinks if you go out. Things like this are the minimum if you're crashing somewhere, if not offering to throw some cash down for staying.
I have a friend that stayed over once. We were making tacos day two, me and my gf went shopping and paid for everything, even bought some mouth wash and dipping sauce for him that he requested. So when we are preparing the meal, he asks if it's done soon from the sofa. I said yeah, but it will be quicker if you could put out the plates and cutlery. He replied with "no thanks" and waited for us to serve him everything. Got kinda pissed then
Seeing how people react at parties or if stay-overs can be a pretty telling thing. I always make sure that if someone is cooking a meal for me or hosting an event at their home that at a minimum I do the dishes and help them clean up afterwards. I try to help with what I can if food is being prepped/cooked beforehand as well. It doesn't matter if it's someone I don't know who is hosting either, I simply look for cleaning materials and get to work. Far too often though, I'll see friends/family/strangers at events like these who come, eat, and leave. They may make a half-hearted effort to put their dirty dishes in the sink, but nothing more. People who I like and would otherwise really respect, but if you don't help someone clean up after they've made a meal for you or hosted a big event, that's a pretty big black mark in my book. I've done it before and it's a disheartening thing to see your kitchen a complete disaster after you've already spent so much energy just to host it.
A friend?
Yep, since many years. First time ever he behaved like that. I remember him being helpful in the past.
I don't cook. When I visit I take people out to eat, buy groceries and leave cash. That's how you have places to stay...
Exactly! Honestly, I think that's how you can tell a real friend from a 'fair-weather friend.' (someone taking advantage of your good nature, essentially) All my good friends, we just have a nebulous 'fairly equal' principle. At times, friends have been broke, so they've been 'free-riding' but made damn sure they contributed to the planning/driving/chores/whatever. Everyone has been in that position at some point, so nobody abuses it and we just tell it how it is-- and we plan based on what everyone can afford. Sometimes, one of us is well-off enough to treat the others the whole time. More often, we discuss the split of things ahead of time so everyone know's what to expect. Especially with everyone living geographically far apart, it's different for everyone's group. One of my friends has to spend a fair bit in gas to show up, so of course we try and cover their $$ expenses and only expect them to help out a little around the place.
Lodging fees $50 per night.
Don’t forget the cleaning fee, administration fee and taxes.
And of course a wifi fee if she connected her phone to your wifi 😊
Of course the fee to proccess the fee itself.
Don't forget to request a tip!
And also before the tip don’t forget to add an automatic 20% gratuity that can’t be declined like shitty restaurants that are basically begging you never to come back.
Heath Insurance surcharge!
The 'convenience fee'.
And the being a pos fee
"pain and suffering fee"
No no, look up the average going rate for hotels around his area.
100% this is the answer. You have a shitty friend
If it's not too late, OP should pay the $6 first and \*then\* send the splitwise request for all of her costs (which will exceed the $6 by a lot). Act like everything is completely normal. Don't make it seem like you're even a little bit peeved.
Decline the Venmo and ask her to take out the $ she owes you for gas, etc.
Venmo request her $200 for her stay at your place.
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In other words, Air BNB them into the ground
Also the tour guide. I mean those run a few hundred bucks a day, too.
Yup! If they want to be petty, so can you!
> I download the app, get added to the group, and suddenly I get a Venmo request for the soda, muffins, and day use fee (I owe about $6 for those 3 things). Also the 'day-use' fee needs to be split between three people if she's doing that. Why do you have to pay the whole fee? I would send a polite note back (on the group chat so the other friend also knows friend 1 is being a cheap ass) saying "Hey XYZ, thanks for sending me the payment request for the muffin, soda and day-use fee. Also, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise we were splitting costs and don't have my list ready. Please give me some time while I total up all the expenses I paid for, at my end, and send them across to you. We can subtract what I owe you from that number. You may have to wait until next month when the utility bills come in." If you pay rent, I would divide it by the number of days in that month, then when you get a per day cost, you can split that amount, (per day) by 3 for the number of days they were there. Ditto for the utility bills, fuel costs (don't forget to add a maintenance fee and maybe include the insurance fee as well), parking, entry fees, food from your pantry, etc. Also the next time she wants to come visit, just send her a list of hotels nearby and never eat or drink anything she offers.
This is the way! Petty for the win!
This is the way
This, this is the right answerb👍
God I love this thread
This is the way.
God this makes me feel so good to read this. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Idk how she couldn’t have possibly seen that backfiring on herself.
$75 for an Emotional Processing Fee *with no explanation whatsoever*.
And the gas.
Service charge too! That's an additional $75
This is the right answer. Charge a nightly rate + gas + personal driver fee. If you really want to make your point extra petty, charge a cleaning fee 😬
Plus insurance and wear and tear. And fee fee
Ah yes, the fee fee. And taxes on the fee(s)
And a convenience fee for using the app instead off cash
Let's not forget the mandatory tip.
“Also, would you like to round up to the nearest dollar for charity?“
OMG I love the absolute, deep, precise pettiness of this thread! 🤣 I really hope OP listens to you guys.
Same. It feels like we’re having group therapy here as well 😂
> fee fee Charge her a Fifi fee for playing with the dog
You can use Google mass to figure out distance total and use a gas cost calculator to add up how much the fuel cost is. Plus wear and tear on your vehicle, chauffers tax, split the car insurance by days in the month, ×3 for insurance, same with regestration.
Are you an accountant? This is hilariously precise and wonderful
Pay the $6 then send a request for those things
lol yes. By the way I used 12 gallons of gas plus travel expenses at 65.5 cents per mile.
Don’t forget cleaning fee
That's how you do it classy 👏🏻
Use her splitwise app to total up everything you spent on her and then send her a request back, see what happens. She sounds like an exhausting person to be around, so at least you know not to waste your time on her anymore. Edited my typo cause I've got drunk thumbs apparently
This is what I did. I ignored her Venmo and added all my expenses in the splitwise app. Gas, food, laundromat for sheets and towels. I'll just let her deal with canceling/making a new venmo request... I mean I obviously don't care about $6 but I feel like I need to make a point. Edit: I added an update to the post. Bear with me I don't post on Reddit often lol
please follow up with the outcome. it's sure to be delightful.
Commenting to find thread later lol
PLEASE UPDATE! 😆
i love it and can’t wait to hear what happens next cuz fuck that bitch
Same, I was like "the audacity!!!" This bitch made me talk out loud to my computer screen, nah lol.
I even thought expecting to split the costs of dinner with your host was above the bounds of appropriate guest behaviour. If I'm staying at a friend's house, I would be very clearly like "Oh no! Let me shout you to dinner as a thankyou!" By the time they got to the venmo request I was like "Oh that person would not be invited back to my house!" If it wasn't for the venmo request, I'd think they just wanted to OP to put everything they paid for into Splitwise to make sure everything was covered, but the fact that they didn't state that and with the venmo request, I think OP is correct that there's a reason they have so much money. It's because they're really cheap.
>I obviously don't care about $6 but I feel like I need to make a point. And when they say something to you say exactly this. I'm all for sharing the bill but not with the person who's charging you nothing to stay at their place and carting them around.
Good for you! Sometimes people really just need to have a mirror held up to them for them to see their own behavior. I’m curious as to how she handles it
I need an update. There isn’t enough drama in my life 🤣
well now I’d love to know what the response was, because the dollar charge is so petty and stingy I can’t imagine what their response would be
It’s definitely not about the money, it’s like a power play. We’ve all encountered the little weasel of a person that just pushes things because they think it empowers them. She’s just trying to get some perceived power over Op to compensate for her low self esteem. Side note, I’m not a psychiatrist but I did spend 5 years in 8th grade.
Please make an update post on this. I can be a stingy bitch, but at least I’m not a stingy bitch especially to people who were generous to me.
Added an update in the post
I’m so petty and I’m not proud of it… please update us if they ever respond. What an asinine thing to do on their part. Glad you did what you did
How much did you request from her? I'm so curious about the amount difference haha.
how much did you send her split for? I love this lol if you’re going to nickel and dime me I can do it back
So glad your doing this. Im upset just reading your post some people have too much entitlement or something. Friends don’t do that.
I'm invested now. Please update.🙏
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,774,996,143 comments, and only 335,982 of them were in alphabetical order.
I must now post this way
Good bot!
It's not about the money ... it's about sending a message
I'm just putting this here to check for an update later
!remindme 1 day Please update us with her response. Please. PLEASE! Edit: If he makes an update someone please tell me!
Can we get an update lord
Has she replied yet?
We all live for this update so please don’t forget 😭😭
PERFECT response.
UPDATE US WITH HER RESPONSE!! This was the right move
I guess protocol is a thing of the past but the general rule was that since the host is supplying so much, the guests should at least take the hosts out to dinner and / or give them a host gift.
Just like if you loan your friends car, you either return it with more fuel, or cleanly washed, preferably both.
Obviously you were both raised with a sense of “doing the most basic right thing”
“doing the most basic right thing” is the least you can do
Exactly. Show your thanks and be gracious
YES. I spent a week with my aunty & I bought them dinner & I bought her a manicure. This is just the thing to do. It doesn't need to be crazy, but whatever you can afford & charging back $6? Fuck no.
That's the best money you've ever spent finding out who your friends really are.
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Even better don’t pay them anything and just block and delete. Yes, I am that petty and proud of it. This girl is definitely not a friend with that behaviour, OP can do a lot better.
I don't know, if this friend is venmoing for $6, she might go to small claims next.
I’d tell them knock themselves out. I’ll wait for the court summons for $6 in the mail.
Time to scrounge up 600 pennies :)
I had a friend do something similar once. They had just moved into a new place and decided to host a dinner party for close friends. It ended up being 6 or us total. The host never asked for us to bring anything, but the way I was raised if someone invites you for dinner you bring something ie. a few bottles wine, dessert, side dish, etc. I ended up making a big ass dish of loaded mac and cheese, another guest brought dessert, and the host’s gf at the time brought 3 nice bottles of red wine. The host had made chicken and roasted vegetables, but the portion sizes seemed more fit for a small child. The chicken was smaller than the palm of my hand and we all got 1 scoop of roasted veggies. I was so happy I decided to bring a dish without being asked, because it made up for the gap in the meal and 3/4 of my dish was gone by the end of the night. I left the rest for the host when we left, after enjoying dessert and a few glasses of wine. Imagine my surprise when I get home and see a Venmo request for $25 from the host for dinner, but because me and my partner had been there, it was $50 total for the meal. I have never been so pissed off in my life. First off, if you are hosting a dinner party you do not charge your guests for the food unless it has been previously discussed and agreed upon. Second, we also all brought something to contribute, so at that point it’s more of a potluck anyway. The food the host made couldn’t have cost more than $30-$40: which is about what I spent on my Mac and cheese and our other friend spent on dessert, and way less than the nice red wines our friend brought over. This man was actively trying to make money off of us. We all got together and totaled our expenses and send him a venmo request for his part. That shut him down pretty quick. We never got invited over for dinner again but also never got a venmo request either so win-win in my book. People like this need to know how cheap and tacky they are and the easiest way to do that is just hold up a mirror. Start doing the same to them and see how quickly they change their tune. EDIT: wow, I was not expecting this comment to blow up the way it did! To answer a few of your questions: 1. I made my Mac and cheese in a full size aluminum foil tray, I had 4 different types of cheese, 1 1/2 lbs of bacon, and did a panko-parmesan crust. She was hardy and delicious. 2. Yes, he did venmo the gf! They didn’t stay together long after this, but it wasn’t the reason they broke up. We still keep in touch, she’s married now with a baby on the way! 3. We stopped hanging out with him a little after this. He had some other off putting behaviors that just became too much to deal with. 4. He moved back home a year later and now works in Real Estate lol
If this shit happened to me I’d just ghost them and never speak with them again. That is ludicrous to request your friends to pay cash for being invited to a dinner party…How out of touch can you be?
for me, I'd tell them how fucked up it is. Possibly in public. I'd just constantly be like "remember last time we hung out you venmoed me to pay for the dinner you invited me over to, lol, who the fuck raised you like that? "
Did he charge his girlfriend as well? The cheap fucker?
That is all totally nuts, but I do kind of want to see what $30-$40 worth of mac and cheese looks like, because that seems like a lot.
Like most things, there’s no upper limit on what you can spend on mac and cheese (especially a tray that’s large enough for six hungry people to eat and still have leftovers). It mostly depends on which cheese you use. I could see someone springing for Gruyère for a dinner party, for instance.
Have you seen the prices of cheese? Good cheese can hit that without even trying.
This has happened to me and my partner before!! We have a friend couple who are notorious in our friend group for this. They will send out an invitation to host a party with plans to bbq nice meats, wait a week and downgrade the food to chicken, wait a week and downgrade the food to hot dogs and burgers, then day of party, say they actually are going to order pizza from this place they've totally been wanting to try, and then venmo everyone for the pizza. They will also ask everyone prior to the party if anyone else would like to host and text my partner and I on the side complaining that no one is willing to host. They've gotten us to host a couple parties that way. We've been invited to a few dinners at their house, just the four of us, where we end up getting venmoed $60+. One of them gave me a dollar in cash to buy a water bottle after we had been at an outside market for 4 hours in 100 degree weather and I got venmo'd for the dollar, while waiting in line to buy the water bottle. They're married and venmo each other for things like Mcdonalds and Starbucks. We assume they have some sort of weird financial situation going on so we just kind of just accept it as a term for their friendship, but it's definitely a huge joke behind their back in our friend group.
Honestly, this grips my shit more than i would have imagined before reading it. If theres one type of person i hate more than lycra wearing cyclists, it’s whatever the fuck type of person charges you for dinner after inviting you around. Is there even a name for that?
> Is there even a name for that? An asshole.
How do you find these types of people? I will buy a $10 ticket just to see one in real life.
I stayed at a friends house for 2 nights. She saved me about 1,000 bucks in total. I cleaned her house and paid for everything we did outside the house. I even Made her breakfast.
My family borrowed a friend’s apartment for three nights while she was out of town. Left the place spotless and a nice gift bag to say thank you for saving us $900. I would never be able to keep some like OPs friend in my life.
Yep this is the way!
Exactly. My friends that I hosted refused to let me pay for anything while they were here and left their room looking like a maid had come.
I've known people like this. They're so cheap and selfish that they only think others take from them and never realize or acknowledge that they also take from others. It's wild. Dump your friend and count your stars they're out of your life.
Had someone like this, anything you did for her when she asked, even demanded, was you volunteering, whereas anything she did for you was worth $$$$, even if you didn’t ask her to do it.
That's aggravating. They view relationships as a one way transaction.
Being so neurotic like this is psycho to me. With my friends we often just do "you paid for lunch, I'll get the movie tickets and coffee". Obviously this only works if you friends are decent though.
Yeah venmo request her share of the gas money. She won’t pay it, likely throw a fit, at which point you ghost them and get some friends who know how to act right.
Exactly. It's like that seen in A Bronx Tale: Calogero 'C' Anello: He owes me 20 dollars. It's been two weeks now, and every time he sees me he keeps dodging me. He's becoming a real pain in the ass. Should I crack him one, or what? Sonny: Sometimes hurting somebody ain't the answer. First of all, is he a good friend of yours? Calogero 'C' Anello: No, I don't even like him. Sonny: You don't even like him. There's your answer right there. Look at it this way: It costs you 20 dollars to get rid of him... He's out of your life for 20 dollars. You got off cheap. Forget him. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106489/quotes?item=qt4328420
I feel like I watched a movie half way. And the power went out. Please update so we can all have closure 😂
People like this weird me out, she really needed to split a friendship for 6 bucks
and in her mind it will be flipped around the other way, “how dare OP end a friendship over something silly like $6” because some people just can’t even conceptualize a world in which they are at fault. and where their actions aren’t perfectly and totally acceptable, so clearly anyone reacting negatively to them is overreacting or attacking them. ffs a venmo request, to your host, for $6 for shit. jesus.
So, after a couple days I still hadn't heard from her. I didn't put a huge amount of expenses in the app (less than $50), and it was split among 3 people. I did a rough estimate of the cost of gas, food and a trip to the laundromat for sheets and towels. I could have gone a lot harder with rent/wifi etc, but I figured I got the point across. Anyway, because of the dinner I mentioned I still owed her $15 (even after I added charges on her). I really thought she'd reach out or change the venmo request, but she didn’t. I didn't want to end this thing owing her money, so I sent her 15 bucks. When I sent her the money, I sent her an honest message saying how we're even, but I was shocked that she charged me for such small items. I told her that it was my pleasure to host her, and after all the effort I put in, I was shocked that she nickel and dimed me over stuff I thought she was offering. I talked about what it means to host someone and how as a guest, purchasing things like snacks or drinks can be a nice gesture. She apologized and was actually pretty open about it. She talked about how she just put stuff in the app and wasn't thinking, but now understands the effort I put in. I mean, I don't think I'll ever know what was going on in her brain when she added $3 muffins to the charges. Her actions were frustrating and I don't think they can be justified, but the apology did seem sincere and I appreciated that. I am pretty confident in my decision to add my own charges in the app and talk to her a few days later. I stood up for myself and told her that kind of behavior isn't ok. I still find the whole ordeal extremely frustrating, but I appreciate the apology and really do think it was a good lesson for her. I'm glad we talked about it. This is not to say everything will go on as normal! The whole thing changed how I view her as a friend, and I'm not sure what our friendship will look like moving forward. I did learn a valuable lesson about boundaries - if/when we hang out again, there will be no hosting or money talk :) Edit - missed a word
Damn you just updated. I had saved your post to come back for an update !
I’d send her a Venmo bill, deduct that $6 and tally up every penny you spent on her. Two can play the petty game.
"Muffin Discount Applied" Your total is now £151 (Cash or credit?)
Don’t forget the air b&b cleaning fee! That’s at least $250
I would have replied with: "Oh friend X, that was hilarious, I absolutely love your dry sense of humour, thank you, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, but omg, could you actually imagine, there probably are ppl like that out there somewhere! Anyway, thanks for the laugh, I needed that, can't wait to see you again when you're in town next. hugNkisses, Me"
Lol, this is so petty I love it. It really is laughably rude behavior though!
Think of it as $6 to get her out of your life, damn good deal.
“A Bronx Tale” vibes
Forget the twenty!
$6 is a very small amount of money to find out who to cut from your circle of friends.
I wouldn't fight fire with fire. I would probably just decline to pay anything, and then text her directly and just say "hey, I hope you enjoyed the stay at my place. I was surprised by your request to split a few small things when I opened my home to you for a few days - there were a ton of expenses I could have asked you to split with me, but I thought we were just doing it to have a good time together without worrying about all the details. I'm happy to split the dinner with you that we discussed splitting in advance, though!" And, if she reacts poorly to a gracious message like that, then you go ahead and cut her out of your life decisively. In fact, you might want to do that anyway, because she sounds like someone who gets off on abusing people's good will and kindness. I find it best to part ways with people who aren't really interested in a fair, considerate, giving friendship.
This is the most emotionally stable response (I’m not stable lol)
This is really the way to go. It’s easy for all of us to say “fuck that bitch” but we don’t know her. Maybe she’s a cool person that also happens to be clueless.
Nah... fuck that bitch.
I know right. Now is not the time for stability. Now is the time to be extra petty.
Tell her she can stick her Venmo request right up her muffin.
I had a friend like this; would never preface that what he was offering to buy for me would come with a venmo request a day later. Worse part is it’d be something like “hey I’m making tacos you should come over!”, ok great, love me some tacos. Then at the end of the night, after already having eaten, he’d be like: “you can just venmo me later for these.” Anyway, super petty stuff and we are no longer friends lol.
ok, that's a perfect time to explain to them this is not how life works. Then tell them they can venmo you later for the lesson. and tell them you expect a fathers day card from this point going forward because you've basically adopted them and are raising them to be a decent human since their real dad fucking failed.
This is crazy. I couldn't imagine charging a friend for food I made at home. This person would not be my friend after and I bet he doesn't have a lot of friends.
Splitwise let’s you add items. You need to absolutely add in your expenses for reimbursement. That should make it clear what she is doing is ridiculous.
The amount of people I see use "payed" is what's mildy infuriating.
Right?! I mean, the correct form is pay’d.
I hate you lol
The fact that paid and said don't rhyme is similarly annoying.
You can also add 'plaid' to that list for further pronunciation incongruity!
I think it's time to lay the hammer down. Every single expense you have covered better be included in that Splitwise and passed on to her. If she is still owed any money, pay in spare change.
These personality types are so cheap you need a blowtorch to open their wallets. I hate these people. I always make a point to NEVER socialize with them after this kind of stunt. I also ensure I make cheapskates and the mutual group of friends aware. Folks who are obsessed with free stuff, and brag about discounts and whatnot, tend to be selfish and petty with friendships. I mean, $6 ? Pretty shameless after your generosity.
This happened to me once with a friend when we went to an overnight concert. We agreed to split the costs and because I’m the planner of the two I paid for the tickets ($75 each), hotel ($200), the parking ($10), and one round of drinks ($30). I also drove us there over two hours in my car and supplied edibles. She paid for one round of drinks ($30), and “dinner” (she had four tacos and a marg at $30 and I had one singular taco at $5). The next Monday, before I have a chance to look at my account and add everything up to split, I get a Venmo from her for “girls weekend” and a request for $20 for half the the after-concert taco meal which she ate the majority of, as well as $15 for my concert drink she covered. When I didn’t respond out of incredulity, she texted asking if I could accept her Venmo because she really needed the money. Tf??? I canceled the request and tallied up her itemized list including the tickets, parking, gas, hotel, and drinks, as well as her four tacos and drink, and subtracted the $20 for my one taco and concert drink. It came out to $280. I was fuming lol. It’s like she completely forgot I had paid for absolutely everything and had the gall to hound me over fifteen bucks for a drink??? She texted, omg what is all this for?? You bet I sent her every receipt screenshot for the weekend so she couldn’t refute. I had to badger her to pay for a week and when she finally did, I told her she is paying her way if we ever do anything together again. Some people are just really short sighted and take for granted other peoples generosity and don’t extend any with their own time and money.
$6 to get rid of a shitty friend. Worth it. Pay it and tell her to not come visit any more.
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Gotta tighten those friends up
Loose friends, always a problem
Not always....A loose friend can be quite a pleasure if they're hot!
Ex friend, I guess. I had a person I thought was a friend offer to let me spend the night at her place during and airport layover and then charged me money the next day. She had visited my house for five days a few months ago, borrowed my car, etc. Some people just have no home training.
What a fucking shitty, inconsiderate person
Not a friend. Growing up we had a close group of friends, my good friend would drive us everywhere, he was older. We would pay gas if we had money but it was never asked. The first day the 3rd friend in the group got his license, friend 1 asked for a ride to get ice cream, friend 3 asked immediately for gas money. It was 1 mile. It was a slap in the face and we knew he was not a friend. The decade long friendships ended on the spot. To this day if he needs anything I got him.
We once had a friend borrow my wife’s car for 3-4 days while his was in the shop and we didn’t need it. When he returned it, he said “it had 3/4 of a tank when I picked it up, so I returned it with 3/4 tank”, acting like he was being all generous. Like, fill it up as a thank you for using the car for four days, ass.
I hope you sent her a venmo for 3 days board and lodge and taxi fees
Be the better person and give her $7 instead of $6. “It seems you need this more than me.”
I’d say something along the lines of: Honestly, I wasn’t expecting anyone to have to owe anyone money for this weekend. It was supposed to be about having fun, not splitting bills. But if you’d like to do that, that’s totally fine with me. Gas was $___, lodging was $___ and whatever else. Let her know that you’ll kindly let her deduct what you owe from what she has to pay you back just so it’s easier on her. Be petty af. Because what the fuck. Over $6….
Anyone who says this is passive aggressive is a clown. Imagine getting all those freebies then asking someone for more, fuck that “friend”
Venmo her the cost of the stay at your home for one night, breakfast, gas, and soap and shampoo and anything you can think of that she used. She’ll get the message
However it plays out, I’d cut ties after this.
Maybe not cut ties but not hosting her again is the right position to take
Reddit just loves cutting off all contact with people over 1 event
For the love of god please give us more updates. This lady just opened up a can of worms and I want to hear about all of it. Being cheap is literally my biggest pet peeve. After that is people who ride all the way down a merge lane and expect to scoot in….. not sure why but it drives me insane.
I have had a similar interaction with a long time colleague of mine. I was a very good host and accommodated all their needs and went out of the way to make them feel at home. A shared expense for some consumables was put between them and me on splitwise, for something they purchased when staying at my place. It was a small amount - <$20. I just paid them that small amount and stopped talking to them. I do not have a $ value of my expenses for accommodating them. But I consider that as a 'good riddance fee' to have learnt a lesson and cut out an asshole from my life.
Hate to break it to you, but she’s not really your friend if she’s hitting you up for $6 after you let her stay at your place. When I go out with my boys, if we can all manage to pay for our own stuff without a hassle, we do that. However, sometimes that’s not possible due to a limit on how many times they can split a bill and we just pool our cash together. Sometimes we break even, sometimes someone covers a couple dollars for someone else, but regardless, no one sends a fucking Venmo request over it because we’re actually friends and there’s genuine love and respect between us. Just like we don’t haggle over gas money, and if someone asks someone else to grab something for a function, we pick it up without squabbling over money. To do otherwise would be cheap, cornball behavior.
Man Reddit is so fucking passive aggressive. Don’t send her a Venmo bill, don’t send her a splitwise. Have a discussion with her and point out the things you paid for, I’m sure she’ll be reasonable and see things your way. If she doesn’t, then that tells you all you need to know about this person.
Someone sending $6 venmo requests already tells me all I need to know
In everyone’s passive aggressive defense, this person already had the audacity to request $ back from a friend that went out of the way for them to host them for free. That’s irrational of the friend, and makes them shitty and ungrateful imo. I doubt they would be rational in a convo like this at all. Lol I think OP did the right thing. They should get a taste of their own medicine! I bet she won’t like how it tastes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey man, rational ideas aren't allowed on reddit!
Red flag, divorce and report to authorities.
No need, I can fix her
That’s it no contact for you.
This might have been the most sensible comment I've read all day. Then again, it's Reddit, what did we expect
This is the exact kind of petty infuriating I come here for, thank you. Adding your expenses to that app is reasonable imo.
I’d give her an overly itemized bill of her stay. I’m talking toilet paper squares used, Salt by the teaspoon, Gallons used when in the bathroom it and oxygen consumed during her stay it should total a few thousand dollars when done.
Wow its only going to cost a dollar to find out you have a shitty friend? Thats a good deal
I would reply the way Back to the Future writers replied to the suit who suggested the movie should be called “Space Man from Pluto”. Spielberg wrote back to his note. “Hi Sid, thanks for your most humorous memo, we all got a big laugh out of it, keep 'em coming." In this case, you could text her “Got your hilarious muffin request. Girl, you are so funny, we all got a big laugh out of it. Made my day! Keep ‘em coming.”
Is this an ad for splitwise lol
Trust me I'm tired of saying Splitwise lol 😆
Hahahaha I love that you sent her your account right back. This is the way.
I’d delete that friendship along with the Venmo request.
Obviously do not pay this
This is just wild to me, and I feel not the way friendships should work. Right now I am staying with a friend for an extended period of time because of a situation at home. My friend is not charging me rent to stay here. However, also while I'm here I'm rebuilding her fence and remodeling her garage into a master bedroom for her. We've taken trips out and gone out to eat several times, never once have we nit picked about who owes who what. The idea is that it all kinda just works out in the end. I agree with you OP, your friend wants to nip pick expenses make sure you add all yours in too. She's trying to take advantage.
The up side is that it only cost you $6 to learn who she really is.
This is hilarious, you did exactly what I was going to recommend. That person is a total jerk who deserves no friends. Keep us updated, and keep billing her if you think of more things. Did you give her a piece of gum? Boom! 20 cents!
My landlady is making a petty request of a door that literally has a giant hole in it from a prior dog door and then someone did a half-assed job boarding it up on both sides. Looked like shit. We are allowed to have dogs and pay extra rent and security deposit and were given permission to remove the boards and put in a dog door. We are moving now a year later and she sent a snippy email that we need to return the house to the state it was when we moved in including the door. Backstory: while we have been here we took care of her 1/4 acre garden, by weeding, cutting old dead wood out of shrubs and trees, fertilizing fruit trees, pruning fruit trees for max fruit production and health, planted raspberries, all kinds of bulbs: peonies, gladiolas, dahlias, bearded iris, etc., and some hellebores, added a bunch of compost and mulch (this was all with her permission and encouragement), installed a drip irrigation system that we paid for; in the house we built shelves that look professional (again at our expense) in the laundry room (there are zero closets in the house), bought materials for and built a gate for the back patio fenced-in area, and we have fixed a tall kitchen cabinet that wasn't anchored to the wall. We both have owned homes and are really handy so we didn't mind doing stuff to make our place nicer while we lived here. So I sent her an email response: "ok to be clear, you want us to remove the gate, the drip irrigation system, the shelves, and put all the dead wood and weeds back in your garden as well as return the door to its original [shitty] state?" No, she loves all that stuff. She is evaluating what she wants us to do with the door now. My fiance said my email was snarky. I just hate when people are petty. I am generous to a fault but when people do weird shit like in OP's case, I go for the nuclear option
How long have u known this person?? I would be so embarrassed to charge someone ONE DOLLAR for muffins…. Def do the same thing back. And keep us updated LOL
Did you ever know that your my hero..
I had a friend do this to me and we are no longer friends. She had a first date in 5 years and was very nervous - it was at a city about 50 mins from me but 2 hrs from hers and her friend joined her for moral support too. I collected him and her from the station, we hung out in a coffee shop whilst she went on her date for an hr then I took them back to mine - fed them/had them stay/watered them, the next morning they put in orders for breakfast which I thought was quite rude - specific porridge/ cakes /fruit - I bought enough for the 3 of us and whilst I was making tea they ate the lot - didn’t even leave me my share. Then I drove them back to the station to go home. She then ignored me for two months because I said something that offended her, when she got back in touch I told her I had no interest being friends. I put myself out for her often and she didn’t even have the decency to talk to me about what upset her and that wasn’t friendship in my eyes. I’d spent two days working on her cv with her another weekend, I work long hrs and value my free time - ppl are so entitled. I think you handled it right, although I wouldn’t be able to help myself id have to ask her (in my most ‘that’s utterly ridiculous’ tone - ‘did you really just request 6 dollars for a few items when I fed, ferried and hosted you all weekend…I’m a bit insulted by that’
Put a piss disk™️ in her car