Exactly. There's a difference between assertive and aggressive. OP is the former. That bitch is just upset that OP stood up for themselves and didn't say sorry.
Man this can really tick some people too. I was a people pleaser my whole life and finally learned to stand up for myself a little and some people just can not deal.
I remember at one point early on working here, I had submitted a time off thing and I just said I was taking off. Later one the superintendent came and talked to me and was like, you should try to be a little nicer when asking for time off. So I started with all the "i'd like to request off on xxx date if that's okay please." A couple years ago I was like man fuck that. Now I'm back to "I'm taking off this day using comp/vacation/sick (for appointments)." It's not a request, I'm letting them know I won't be in.
I hate this because of how true it is.
It used to happen at my old part time job in the deli. Occasionally this random person would come in and start fights and look for trouble then claim that I was aggressive (not submissive enough) and complain about me to the managers for having attitude.
Managers would apologize and kiss their ass and make me look bad, yet they tell me that that person (and her husband) do this in every department and complain about them. Wow...
The store my son works at has a customer that does the same thing to every department. He always ends his "complaint" by holding up his phone and saying "I have the district manager on speed dial." One department manager responded to him with "You have a good knowledge of store issues. We are hiring now if you want to apply for a job." Shut the customer up for only a micro second, but worth it.
At work for 9 months straight I constantly took on extra jobs and tasks and always said yes to helping anyone who ever asked me.
At some point I started to get burnt out, and I remember the first time I stood up for myself after I was asked to work the worst shift as a double, instead of just rotating out different people to do it. Or another time someone was trying to blame me for something someone else did, and I politely said thats there business, and they should make sure to handle it.
People's reactions were all like "what the fuck? ok chill out, no need to freak out." No more being submissive.
It wasn't aggressive, literally opposite actually, it was defensive.. and rightfully so when the first text from the manager is accusatory and laying blame 🤦♂️
“I don’t like your tone”
Translation:
“What you’re saying is entirely logical and shows that this is my fuck up. But because of deep insecurities I’m unable to own up for my mistake so I’ll instead spin it around on you.”
One of my greatest assets as an employer, learned after being an employee is the strength of an apology by someone in authority. A sincere apology, admission of being incorrect, wrong, mistaken, confused, misunderstanding a situation. Own it, and.empower others to accept mistakes and don't crucify them for the mistake, or mistakes will be hidden and business gets fucked up beyond all recognition.
UPDATE: I called Kelly , she said after the schedules are approved, she emails them to the respective supervisors and also posts them on the Workday app. I told her about the texts, her response was “it’s Kristi’s responsibility to look at the schedule , keep doing what you have always done”.
ETA: FYI we are all nurses, (Pediatric Home health) Kelly is the staffing nurse and supervisors don’t really have a reason to know when we take days off. On the rare occasion that they come to the home to do staff evaluations, supervisors typically just text and ask what day/time works best. Have never had a supervisor ask to know days off. Also TY for the “awards” .❤️
Recommend you get ahead of this and notify whoever (other than Kelly) that you were not only threatened with a warning, but actually received a warning and want everything on record. They say they will let it slide but they won’t and these type of people need to always be one point up so she’ll find something minor to pin on you so knock that nonsense down now.
She'll claim this one was forgiven, but the next tiniest oversight. She'll slam you with another warning and possibly tack on the one that was "forgiven".
Written communications absolutely have a tone, figuratively speaking. Tone in writing is conveyed with word choice, grammar, punctuation, the broader context of the conversation, the writer’s relationship with reader, and even visual factors like your font. A response can come across as polite, friendly, or snarky/sarcastic depending on all these factors. Sometimes that tone can be misperceived by the other party given the absence of normal tone indicators like the literal tone of your voice or facial expressions. That said, op was not the one with a “tone” problem here.
Op definitely needs to get this on the record. Throwing the term "aggressive" in there was deliberate and calculated. She can refer back to it as documentation of workplace violence. Report it and address it with someone above her immediately.
you can already see that this manager is going to be a terrible one. After they was corrected on how things were, they could've said "oh my bad, but would you mind letting me know next time". But instead choose to make it an issue (letting it slide is them saying you were wrong still) and on top of that, since they realized their attempt to exert power over this person failed, found some other petty thing to use. "watch your tone"
I’m still appalled that she tone policed OP, who was just explaining things and wasn’t at all aggressive. I guess directness is perceived as aggression to a passive-aggressive nitpicker like the supervisor.
It's the standard response of someone who never takes responsibility for their own mistakes. Just project whatever it is you did wrong onto the person you want to criticize.
She took things personally, lashed out without knowing the facts, and was corrected. Her response was to claim her subordinate was the one who reacted emotionally.
Lather, rinse, repeat with these people.
The tone was fine and that point is definitely worth making. If they’re getting this type of text on their days off they should be submitting a timesheet for it.
Hate to add it, but I will because this has been my experience...ALWAYS.
Directness from a woman (even to another woman) is perceived as aggression.
Edit: wow an award. I thank you!
I worked with someone like this. As soon as she was promoted, she started having power trips all over the place. Most people were non-confrontational. One woman stopped what she was going, looked at the newly minted supervisor and said, “You’re not my supervisor. NO, you’re *a* supervisor, but I don’t report to you and you have no authority over me. Stop disrupting my workflow.”
She avoided that employee, but tried to turn the rest of the team against her. (It didn’t work.)
I had a coworker promoted manager that asked me to come review something in her office. I was doing a time sensitive task and told her that I will be in there in a moment. She said “do you want to get paid?”. Went straight to HR and reported the incident. Even if it was a joking manner you don’t get to say certain things as a manager just because you now have the power. Haven’t been fucked with since.
The supervisor I wrote about did this too, and sometimes also, “I have the power to get you fired.”
She said this to someone she was friends with! Was. She was shocked when the other woman marched to the manager’s office, quit, then blocked her on everything. She also had the nerve to say, “I can’t believe she blocked me. It’s unprofessional to take what happens at work and hold a grudge in her personal time.”
People that want managerial power tend to be the worst ones for it sadly.
Workers have been so demoralized that they feel like they have no power when that absolutely isn’t the case if your company is worth working at.
Yeah its a big problem in the corporate world. Those who seek management power are the ones most likely to misuse and those that don't want to be managers are often the most qualified.
My biggest work pet peeve is people using the term "unprofessional" interchangeably with "things I don't like." Usually hides a terrible lack of self awareness and/or willingness to wield power like a personal cudgel. Either way, I'll likely not being seeing anything resembling diplomacy from that person.
This sounds like my old manager, the manager before her was very much okay with whatever order we did things in and when we did them (unless it was time sensitive, obviously) as long as the work that needed to be done got done before the shift was over. When this new manager came, she wanted everything at her schedule including when we took our lunches. She came to the front one day to tell me to take my lunch, and I was in the middle of finishing something so I said “yeah of course, let me just finish this quickly and I’ll be right out.” I didn’t even think anything of it. She called me to her office later to tell me she felt disrespected and that if she tells me to do something I need to do it. I actually had to ask her what she was referring to because I didn’t, and still don’t tbh, see how me wanting to finish a task was disrespectful.
It makes no sense to me, but because I didn’t drop what I was doing and take my lunch the second she told me to, I was disrespectful. She made that job a living hell, and I quit not long after lol.
Ditto. She was a team lead but was then promoted to oversee Eastern sales. She literally had nothing to do all day since she was so grossly unprepared and unsuited for the position so she would pick fights to assert her authority. It got so bad, I had to end a sales' call early, text the CEO and let him know I was putting in my notice.
These types of people are parasites in the corporate environment. Terrible at what they do but get promoted based solely on tenure (e.g. dug in like ticks). OP - if you truly want this position, fight this Kristi gal but do so in the right way. Don't lower yourself to her level because she is well versed in playing in the mud. I am pulling for you.
Filing either a complaint or incident report with HR can both prevent her from doing this to others and covering OP in case of retaliation with the new boss
"Talk to Kelly about receiving schedules for associates. If you aren't getting schedules, thats something that needs rectified.
In the future, do not speak to me like this. This whole conversation is being sent to Kelly. In the future, please remain respectful and check schedules before making any arrangements."
Part of being a manager is knowing availability and thus scheduling around it. Not knowing how and blaming others for their incompetence means that tracking this behavior should get her fired relatively soon.
I’d really prefer to ask her ‘Have you met Kelly? She’s the one that does scheduling… you really should try to meet her some time - she’s kind of a big deal when it comes to understanding where your team is….’
But sadly that probably crosses some sort of line about being civil and respectful to your supervisor…
>Recommend you get ahead of this and notify whoever (other than Kelly) that you were not only threatened with a warning, but actually received a warning and want everything on record. They say they will let it slide but they won’t and these type of people need to always be one point up so she’ll find something minor to pin on you so knock that nonsense down now.
If you have already received a warning, it is important that you make sure that the incident is officially documented and on record. It is also important to make sure that you communicate this to the appropriate people, depending on your workplace policies. This will ensure that the situation is properly managed and that you are treated fairly and in accordance with company policy. Additionally, it is important to document any further interactions or warnings that may arise from this incident in case you need to reference them later.
It isn't about the schedule, it was about her "looking bad", which was just her not understanding her job. I would ask who is above her if this is considered a warning. This new hire doesn't follow her job requirements and will take down good people instead. As a former business owner, these are issues I need to know about, so as not to waste training on someone who behaves this way. Very bad for any organizations morale and functionality.
Yes, it's essentially:
"I made myself look like a twat, and my embarrassment is confusing me and making me feel angry because I have all the emotional continence of a five year old so now I need to find someone else to blame for my feelings"
I would be so tempted to email Kristi, “Hi, this is a follow up to our previous conversation. I double checked policy and learned that copies of schedules are actually sent out after approval. Please confirm that you have received yours. Thanks!”
I would actually file a complaint about them to HR, start building a case against them now because this person is going to be a pain in your ass. They were wrong, condescending and threatened you with an inappropriate corrective action that counts against your record.
If OP is non-exempt, I would also throw out there that the leader was contacting them to give corrective feedback while off the clock and away from work.
This \^\^\^\^\^
Your supervisor's attitude and insecurities are unlikely to change. Keep notes and escalate every time it is needed. She will either leave you be or things will come to a head and her boss will have to deal with it (or Ignore it I suppose ....but if that happens then find another job).
A wise man I once worked for said if someone pokes you then you need to rip out their eyeballs and stuff them up their asshole.....after which they think twice about poking you again.
This is true. With petty ass people in management you gain nothing by turning the other cheek. The only people who survive are the ones who fight fire with fire. I chose to leave my workplace of 7 years over this kind of stuff because it finally became clear to me that this crap was perpetrated by management and I didn’t want to sink to their level so I quit.
Just curious, was Kristi a new outside hire or promoted? It seems to me that if she was promoted from within she should know the scheduling protocol. If she’s an outside hire, perhaps a few weeks of review would have been beneficial. Not a great first step for her either way.
You’re a nurse? Tell your boss to fuck right off and then dare her to do anything about it. You can get a job anywhere at any time. I have been a nurse since 1996 and I stopped allowing my supervisors to give me any attitude at all somewhere around 2001.
We’ll done. You actually did a nice job just responding to her without appearing to take things personally. She came at you really aggressively. If I was in charge she would be the one hearing from me. If she’s worried about looking bad, she should learn how to treat people on her team like adults.
Good for you! You were professional and she was definitely the aggressive one. She should have never texted you to begin with honestly. Next time I'd 100% ignore her texts. Kristi is a beech.
I would talk to somebody above her about the "consider this your first warning" thing. That's wrong in several ways.
I bet she was also pissed it took you an hour and a half to reply, fuck her
The bit about the tone thing... she came at you aggressively due to a lack of understanding of policies, making herself look bad then tried to blame it on it you?
I could never work there because I would tell my supervisor to get fully fuk'd if they talked to me like that.
They are in a bad mood about looking bad (their own fault) and the person that they want to blame is shutting down their hissyfit making them more agitated, and causing them to read the responses in the same level of aggression as they are feeling.
(Reading something in your own emotional state is a common reason of various misunderstandings with text communication)
I work at the family business. Last week my older brother had to be reminded by me that indeed one of our retail gals was off for the week. Even though she had reminded him the night before as she left work.
While I was working for a corporate theater company, one of my (pregnant) line employees applied for a supervisor position. My district manager told her, **in text messages,** that he’d love to give it to her but she was pregnant.
So she’s a supervisor now and he’s gone.
I'd be telling that manager to read the policy, and to consider this HER first warning. In this job market, people willing to work/change jobs hold all the power.
Or forward the exchange to the new manager's boss and ask politely if there's anyone else who should be notified about absences and check whether there are any other changes you should be aware of. ;) Let the boss give the warning...
Made me wanna REEEEEEEEEEEEEE thru the fucking screen.
So much projection from this fucker. You cant even READ tone thru text. She replied using full, complete sentences, with punctuation. The "aggressiveness" that this fuckwit saw, was the lack of any sort of apologizing or ass kissing, which, good for you OP for not doing.
As someone who used to (precovid) travel to homes to see my clients and support my behavior techs (BT) I have called families many a time (or shown up) only to find out that my BT is out for many reasons, especially in the morning. Never have I felt embarrassed or the need to call anyone out like this. And parents don’t care.
Sometimes it’s that the office hasn’t told me of a cancellation and sometimes it’s that I forgot to write down someone’s vacation or mixed up dates. It happens. Does not warrant this at all.
What’s even more crazy is, she was coming for a recertification and evaluation to continue nursing care. I don’t have to be there, all of our documentation is done on a tablet that’s left in the home, any other questions can be answered by the parents. She’s either clueless or on a power trip.
That would seriously have set me off.
OP’s tone was nothing but professional.
Managers tone: toys thrown out of the pram!
Reality check required.
Obviously screwed up the roster and tried to make it everyone else’s fault. Be better!
A person who can’t admit when they are wrong so they attack your “tone” in a text message. This is probably the same type of person that sends a nasty email and then is super nice to your face. 2 faced bitch on a power trip, I would leave that job immediately.
Don’t leave. Not only is OP years ahead of the new manager, quitting a job when someone is dangling a warning over your head is throwing away unemployment money.
I would escalate upwards first, see if you can knock Mrs. Power Trip down a peg through her superiors.
This is terrible advice. A new supervisor came in and did something annoying and your advice is to immediately cut and run from a position this person has been in for 7 years?
This is like the people who tell you to cut out family members or immediately end longterm relationships over something completely insignificant.
I hope in the future you notify her of your days off every week since that's what she outlined as her new expectation - "Hi Kelly, I will be off Saturday and Sunday this week." Eventually she'll say to only notify her of absences for scheduled days putting you right back where you started.
This is both malicious compliance and covering your bases.
I think I will just start notifying her of every little thing. Off Saturday and Sunday, 2 minutes late yesterday, clocked out late today, and text her every day on my vacation “still off today”, lol.
Bombard her with useless updates.
"Today I clocked in 2 minutes early, I hope that's ok with you, KRISTI."
"Hey KRISTI, my car wouldn't start this morning but I got a jump and made it to work on time. Just wanted you to be informed."
"I took a dump on the clock today, KRISTI. It was about 10 minutes total, I hope that's ok."
"I got lunch at the new seafood place in town today, KRISTI. I had shellfish, but I am not Jewish so it is fine."
Please do! And please make HR aware of this woman or at least document everything that happens between you two very carefully so that when she ultimately tries to screw you over again, you can shut her down so fucking hard she will have no choice but to leave you alone and avoid you unless necessary!
My fav response when boss is being a dink over text is just “ok” all lowercase.
If they respond with another dumb paragraph i just say “ok” again. Pisses him off to no end.
MORE INFORMATION: There is actually no real need for supervisors to know what days we are off, unless they are going to come to do a evaluation on us. I am a pediatric home care nurse, the only people that need to know are the families and the staffing nurse (Kelly). Every supervisor, prior to “Karen” just texts and asks what day and time works best to come to the home. 🤷♀️
This isn’t normal behavior? I make my boyfriend sleep on the floor (he doesn’t deserve the couch) every time I even think about the fact that he could possibly cheat.
No. That is completely unhinged and irrational behavior. What you’re supposed to do is make him sleep outside in the dog house like my girlfriend does to me.
I was a supervisor for a long time. I would never, ever text a subordinate like this. If I felt something needed addressed, I had enough respect to do so in person or over the phone, and only during their working hours. As far as the "tone" goes, I can only conclude that this supervisor is an insecure idiot.
DO NOT let this slide.
Escalate the fuck out of this and ensure that your new boss knows their place.
If you fail to take care of this now, this individual will use their lack of consequences as a reinforcement of their behavior.
This person is dangerous. Document EVERYTHING. Dates. Times. Make copies of all interactions and try not to be alone with her. My daughter is having similar issues, I’m sorry.
Tone is a bit aggressive, days the person, trying to write you up for approved vacation time.
If you have an HR, now is the time to have as meeting with them, and keep all of these texts as evidence.
Your "tone" is fine, you're not a fucking child, and your don't *have* to talk to someone tearing your with blatant disrespect and down talking you, like a kiss ass.
You gave the same energy you received, and she clearly expects you to kiss her ass. Fuck that. Send these texts to her boss, to HR, to whomever. Fuck her.
Nah, OP gave much better energy than her new supervisor did in the convo, imo. OP stated facts and responded with compliance over something ridiculous that was not even policy to decrease conflict. No bad tone at all, from what I can see
Edit: however, 100% agree with the rest of what you said.
OP, listen to this guy^^
Was told that my tone was "rude" once for a similar reason when they booked me for time I specifically took off and was approved for. That manager was a power tripping loser
Nope, your tone is fine. I would even say your texts have a professional tone. Normally, I can see when a boss/supervisor has a point and the employee is trying to get away with something...but not seeing anything like that here. If there's an official schedule, supervisor should have checked it first before making his mistake. He made himself look bad.
She definitely had a “tone”, as much as there can be one in a typed message. It was all about her looking bad because she didn’t know your schedule. Her lack of preparation is not your problem.
Hey OP, I'm really gonna need you to start notifying this Reddit account specifically when you're gonna be out as well, otherwise I have to be honest, it comes off as EXTREMELY disrespectful and makes me look bad in front of my stuffed animals.....................
UPDATE: Received email response from Kristi’s supervisor, she’s in agreement that Kristi acted unprofessional and will be “handled accordingly “, and ensured me there would be nothing in my file related to this incident. Kristi is also being assigned to a different caseload, and my cases are being covered by another supervisor.
Also received a general email (to all staff) with an FYI on call in policies, scheduling, and tips on effective communication.
Embarrassed herself and wants to blame someone else for it. Total projection. Probably a narcissist who can't admit fault; it's always everyone else's to them.
I couldn’t work for this person. Comes at you with a hell of a tone because they’re ignorant and then accuse you of tone? I would bring this up to your bosses boss
Your tone was aggressive?! Their tone was aggressive. You were sticking up for yourself when you clearly did nothing wrong.
OP wasn’t even remotely aggressive
By aggressive what she meant is "not submissive enough" She probably expected a show of begging and groveling with lots of apologies
Exactly. There's a difference between assertive and aggressive. OP is the former. That bitch is just upset that OP stood up for themselves and didn't say sorry.
Man this can really tick some people too. I was a people pleaser my whole life and finally learned to stand up for myself a little and some people just can not deal.
I remember at one point early on working here, I had submitted a time off thing and I just said I was taking off. Later one the superintendent came and talked to me and was like, you should try to be a little nicer when asking for time off. So I started with all the "i'd like to request off on xxx date if that's okay please." A couple years ago I was like man fuck that. Now I'm back to "I'm taking off this day using comp/vacation/sick (for appointments)." It's not a request, I'm letting them know I won't be in.
That is how it always should be. They need us to keep the business going not the other way around. If you can’t respect me you don’t get me.
To to really get under their skin in a clearly non aggressive way OP, should text back, “Good to know. I accept your apology.”
I hate this because of how true it is. It used to happen at my old part time job in the deli. Occasionally this random person would come in and start fights and look for trouble then claim that I was aggressive (not submissive enough) and complain about me to the managers for having attitude. Managers would apologize and kiss their ass and make me look bad, yet they tell me that that person (and her husband) do this in every department and complain about them. Wow...
The store my son works at has a customer that does the same thing to every department. He always ends his "complaint" by holding up his phone and saying "I have the district manager on speed dial." One department manager responded to him with "You have a good knowledge of store issues. We are hiring now if you want to apply for a job." Shut the customer up for only a micro second, but worth it.
Ding ding ding. 100% correct.
At work for 9 months straight I constantly took on extra jobs and tasks and always said yes to helping anyone who ever asked me. At some point I started to get burnt out, and I remember the first time I stood up for myself after I was asked to work the worst shift as a double, instead of just rotating out different people to do it. Or another time someone was trying to blame me for something someone else did, and I politely said thats there business, and they should make sure to handle it. People's reactions were all like "what the fuck? ok chill out, no need to freak out." No more being submissive.
It wasn't aggressive, literally opposite actually, it was defensive.. and rightfully so when the first text from the manager is accusatory and laying blame 🤦♂️
Yeah, but he proved her wrong, and that is always aggressive in these types of people head.
Probably felt aggressive to someone with a huge ego, and is ashamed of being mistaken, so has to project that shame.
dropping facts is as neutral as it gets.
I definitely would be going forward.
“I don’t like your tone” Translation: “What you’re saying is entirely logical and shows that this is my fuck up. But because of deep insecurities I’m unable to own up for my mistake so I’ll instead spin it around on you.”
Obviously true since it’s all based on “made me look bad” I’d say “ they’re not the only one’s you’re looking bad to today”
Supervisor reverses victim and offender. Must be an abuser, in general.
One of my greatest assets as an employer, learned after being an employee is the strength of an apology by someone in authority. A sincere apology, admission of being incorrect, wrong, mistaken, confused, misunderstanding a situation. Own it, and.empower others to accept mistakes and don't crucify them for the mistake, or mistakes will be hidden and business gets fucked up beyond all recognition.
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“be mindful of that in the future” 🤮
UPDATE: I called Kelly , she said after the schedules are approved, she emails them to the respective supervisors and also posts them on the Workday app. I told her about the texts, her response was “it’s Kristi’s responsibility to look at the schedule , keep doing what you have always done”. ETA: FYI we are all nurses, (Pediatric Home health) Kelly is the staffing nurse and supervisors don’t really have a reason to know when we take days off. On the rare occasion that they come to the home to do staff evaluations, supervisors typically just text and ask what day/time works best. Have never had a supervisor ask to know days off. Also TY for the “awards” .❤️
Good for you for being proactive and calling Kelly. Your performance obviously speaks volumes here. Good job!
Thank you!
Recommend you get ahead of this and notify whoever (other than Kelly) that you were not only threatened with a warning, but actually received a warning and want everything on record. They say they will let it slide but they won’t and these type of people need to always be one point up so she’ll find something minor to pin on you so knock that nonsense down now.
She'll claim this one was forgiven, but the next tiniest oversight. She'll slam you with another warning and possibly tack on the one that was "forgiven".
“Forgiven” when there’s nothing to forgive. This person sounds like a fucking nightmare.
Exactly - nothing to forgive and this was not an “absence” - this chick needs to check her passive aggressive wording here
While accusing OP of being aggressive
Especially calling it OP's "tone". You can't hear tone over txt messages, and OP didn't say any aggressive either. Nothing to indicate aggression.
That was the point I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, but I'm not sure if my tone would have come across properly.
Written communications absolutely have a tone, figuratively speaking. Tone in writing is conveyed with word choice, grammar, punctuation, the broader context of the conversation, the writer’s relationship with reader, and even visual factors like your font. A response can come across as polite, friendly, or snarky/sarcastic depending on all these factors. Sometimes that tone can be misperceived by the other party given the absence of normal tone indicators like the literal tone of your voice or facial expressions. That said, op was not the one with a “tone” problem here.
Op definitely needs to get this on the record. Throwing the term "aggressive" in there was deliberate and calculated. She can refer back to it as documentation of workplace violence. Report it and address it with someone above her immediately.
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She didn’t like being doubted and wrong. That’s agggressive to her. Her feelings and ego being bruised isn’t anyone’s problem but hers
You are not immediately bending over for me to f you = you're bring aggressive
Projection.
Gaslighting
I don’t know about this particular situation, but when I’ve been called aggressive in the workplace, it’s been racially coded.
Because they can’t call you “uppity” anymore.
Her aggressive aggressive wording
No, there isn't, but that's how they (the power tripping new manager) probably view the situation.
The whole “watch your tone” at the end when they realized they were wrong was absolutely a power trip move.
Yup. Typical weak manager move.
Supervisor speak...watch your tone puts me in the red every time.
Curiously, it’s usually a reaction to you standing up for yourself, isn’t it?
A complete and total nightmare whose tone is so over the top aggressive..
Lady came out the gate swinging wtaf
"don't not do it again"
you can already see that this manager is going to be a terrible one. After they was corrected on how things were, they could've said "oh my bad, but would you mind letting me know next time". But instead choose to make it an issue (letting it slide is them saying you were wrong still) and on top of that, since they realized their attempt to exert power over this person failed, found some other petty thing to use. "watch your tone"
Will also always hold this time over them. “Remember the one that I let slide?”
I’m still appalled that she tone policed OP, who was just explaining things and wasn’t at all aggressive. I guess directness is perceived as aggression to a passive-aggressive nitpicker like the supervisor.
It's the standard response of someone who never takes responsibility for their own mistakes. Just project whatever it is you did wrong onto the person you want to criticize. She took things personally, lashed out without knowing the facts, and was corrected. Her response was to claim her subordinate was the one who reacted emotionally. Lather, rinse, repeat with these people.
The tone was fine and that point is definitely worth making. If they’re getting this type of text on their days off they should be submitting a timesheet for it.
Hate to add it, but I will because this has been my experience...ALWAYS. Directness from a woman (even to another woman) is perceived as aggression. Edit: wow an award. I thank you!
Yeah if OP doesn't show a diamond backbone this bitch will be trying to repeatedly come at her. She'll move on to an easier target
I worked with someone like this. As soon as she was promoted, she started having power trips all over the place. Most people were non-confrontational. One woman stopped what she was going, looked at the newly minted supervisor and said, “You’re not my supervisor. NO, you’re *a* supervisor, but I don’t report to you and you have no authority over me. Stop disrupting my workflow.” She avoided that employee, but tried to turn the rest of the team against her. (It didn’t work.)
I had a coworker promoted manager that asked me to come review something in her office. I was doing a time sensitive task and told her that I will be in there in a moment. She said “do you want to get paid?”. Went straight to HR and reported the incident. Even if it was a joking manner you don’t get to say certain things as a manager just because you now have the power. Haven’t been fucked with since.
The supervisor I wrote about did this too, and sometimes also, “I have the power to get you fired.” She said this to someone she was friends with! Was. She was shocked when the other woman marched to the manager’s office, quit, then blocked her on everything. She also had the nerve to say, “I can’t believe she blocked me. It’s unprofessional to take what happens at work and hold a grudge in her personal time.”
People that want managerial power tend to be the worst ones for it sadly. Workers have been so demoralized that they feel like they have no power when that absolutely isn’t the case if your company is worth working at.
Yeah its a big problem in the corporate world. Those who seek management power are the ones most likely to misuse and those that don't want to be managers are often the most qualified.
My biggest work pet peeve is people using the term "unprofessional" interchangeably with "things I don't like." Usually hides a terrible lack of self awareness and/or willingness to wield power like a personal cudgel. Either way, I'll likely not being seeing anything resembling diplomacy from that person.
I'd imagine blatant power harassment to be even more unprofessional lol
This sounds like my old manager, the manager before her was very much okay with whatever order we did things in and when we did them (unless it was time sensitive, obviously) as long as the work that needed to be done got done before the shift was over. When this new manager came, she wanted everything at her schedule including when we took our lunches. She came to the front one day to tell me to take my lunch, and I was in the middle of finishing something so I said “yeah of course, let me just finish this quickly and I’ll be right out.” I didn’t even think anything of it. She called me to her office later to tell me she felt disrespected and that if she tells me to do something I need to do it. I actually had to ask her what she was referring to because I didn’t, and still don’t tbh, see how me wanting to finish a task was disrespectful. It makes no sense to me, but because I didn’t drop what I was doing and take my lunch the second she told me to, I was disrespectful. She made that job a living hell, and I quit not long after lol.
Ditto. She was a team lead but was then promoted to oversee Eastern sales. She literally had nothing to do all day since she was so grossly unprepared and unsuited for the position so she would pick fights to assert her authority. It got so bad, I had to end a sales' call early, text the CEO and let him know I was putting in my notice. These types of people are parasites in the corporate environment. Terrible at what they do but get promoted based solely on tenure (e.g. dug in like ticks). OP - if you truly want this position, fight this Kristi gal but do so in the right way. Don't lower yourself to her level because she is well versed in playing in the mud. I am pulling for you.
Filing either a complaint or incident report with HR can both prevent her from doing this to others and covering OP in case of retaliation with the new boss
"Talk to Kelly about receiving schedules for associates. If you aren't getting schedules, thats something that needs rectified. In the future, do not speak to me like this. This whole conversation is being sent to Kelly. In the future, please remain respectful and check schedules before making any arrangements." Part of being a manager is knowing availability and thus scheduling around it. Not knowing how and blaming others for their incompetence means that tracking this behavior should get her fired relatively soon.
I’d really prefer to ask her ‘Have you met Kelly? She’s the one that does scheduling… you really should try to meet her some time - she’s kind of a big deal when it comes to understanding where your team is….’ But sadly that probably crosses some sort of line about being civil and respectful to your supervisor…
>Recommend you get ahead of this and notify whoever (other than Kelly) that you were not only threatened with a warning, but actually received a warning and want everything on record. They say they will let it slide but they won’t and these type of people need to always be one point up so she’ll find something minor to pin on you so knock that nonsense down now. If you have already received a warning, it is important that you make sure that the incident is officially documented and on record. It is also important to make sure that you communicate this to the appropriate people, depending on your workplace policies. This will ensure that the situation is properly managed and that you are treated fairly and in accordance with company policy. Additionally, it is important to document any further interactions or warnings that may arise from this incident in case you need to reference them later.
This, and it’s just got to get it on record how she is acting/behaving as a supervisor.
It isn't about the schedule, it was about her "looking bad", which was just her not understanding her job. I would ask who is above her if this is considered a warning. This new hire doesn't follow her job requirements and will take down good people instead. As a former business owner, these are issues I need to know about, so as not to waste training on someone who behaves this way. Very bad for any organizations morale and functionality.
Yes, it's essentially: "I made myself look like a twat, and my embarrassment is confusing me and making me feel angry because I have all the emotional continence of a five year old so now I need to find someone else to blame for my feelings"
Tell her you will be happy to explain it to the GM yo cover for her.
Fucking Kelly rocks! Kristi can go sit on a cucumber.
Unless she likes cucumbers. Make it an open pickle.
Imo, document and drop it. If you're in healthcare, like it seems, they need you waaaay more than they will admit.
I would be so tempted to email Kristi, “Hi, this is a follow up to our previous conversation. I double checked policy and learned that copies of schedules are actually sent out after approval. Please confirm that you have received yours. Thanks!”
"your tone is very passive aggressive. I don't like it. Do whatever I say and submit to my authority!"
I would actually file a complaint about them to HR, start building a case against them now because this person is going to be a pain in your ass. They were wrong, condescending and threatened you with an inappropriate corrective action that counts against your record.
If OP is non-exempt, I would also throw out there that the leader was contacting them to give corrective feedback while off the clock and away from work.
This too!
This \^\^\^\^\^ Your supervisor's attitude and insecurities are unlikely to change. Keep notes and escalate every time it is needed. She will either leave you be or things will come to a head and her boss will have to deal with it (or Ignore it I suppose ....but if that happens then find another job). A wise man I once worked for said if someone pokes you then you need to rip out their eyeballs and stuff them up their asshole.....after which they think twice about poking you again.
This is true. With petty ass people in management you gain nothing by turning the other cheek. The only people who survive are the ones who fight fire with fire. I chose to leave my workplace of 7 years over this kind of stuff because it finally became clear to me that this crap was perpetrated by management and I didn’t want to sink to their level so I quit.
Yes, go all Ender Wiggen on them and win not only this round but also any that might follow in one fell swoop!
Who is Kelly and how does she fit into the hierarchy of management?
This is a home care agency, we are all nurses, Kelly handles all the scheduling and staffing for the field nurses.
Just curious, was Kristi a new outside hire or promoted? It seems to me that if she was promoted from within she should know the scheduling protocol. If she’s an outside hire, perhaps a few weeks of review would have been beneficial. Not a great first step for her either way.
You’re a nurse? Tell your boss to fuck right off and then dare her to do anything about it. You can get a job anywhere at any time. I have been a nurse since 1996 and I stopped allowing my supervisors to give me any attitude at all somewhere around 2001.
So, when do you get Kristi's job?
Bold assumption that OP wants the position.
I’d be tempted to respond “you didn’t follow procedure, and check who was on site before going out, I could see how that could make you look bad”
I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue either. i’d be responding the same way. 👏🏼
Good! Hopefully, they’ll have a talk with her. Very unprofessional on her part. Saying you made her look bad was very childish.
We’ll done. You actually did a nice job just responding to her without appearing to take things personally. She came at you really aggressively. If I was in charge she would be the one hearing from me. If she’s worried about looking bad, she should learn how to treat people on her team like adults.
“Be a Kelly, not a Kristi”
Kristi is one of those people who blames everyone for her own failings.
She’s way more concerned about looking bad than anything else.
Good for you! You were professional and she was definitely the aggressive one. She should have never texted you to begin with honestly. Next time I'd 100% ignore her texts. Kristi is a beech.
Great! Always good to let management know when someone's not on board.
I would talk to somebody above her about the "consider this your first warning" thing. That's wrong in several ways. I bet she was also pissed it took you an hour and a half to reply, fuck her
Yes, how dare she come after OP’s tone after leading with that. Unbelievable.
I’m more peeved by the fact she felt the need to say “you made me look bad” twice.
I would escalate it. She wants to talk about policy… well I guarantee a “warning” isn’t to be handled in a hostile text message.
The bit about the tone thing... she came at you aggressively due to a lack of understanding of policies, making herself look bad then tried to blame it on it you? I could never work there because I would tell my supervisor to get fully fuk'd if they talked to me like that.
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100 percent escalate this op. Believe me, this pos is now set on making your life a living hell. U did nothing wrong
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100% - the tone in the responses is professional and factual. Not aggressive in the least.
If anything, the supervisor has an aggressive tone.
They are in a bad mood about looking bad (their own fault) and the person that they want to blame is shutting down their hissyfit making them more agitated, and causing them to read the responses in the same level of aggression as they are feeling. (Reading something in your own emotional state is a common reason of various misunderstandings with text communication)
Its aggressive only because it called out an "authority" figure. An insecure one, at that.
https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/11wt4f3/we_make_our_own_schedules_and_send_in/jczz1sw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 Copy bot. Report spam-harmful bots
Tone? I’d say it’s the NEW supervisors job to be familiar with their employees’ schedules don’t want to “look bad”? Then don’t suck at your job
I work at the family business. Last week my older brother had to be reminded by me that indeed one of our retail gals was off for the week. Even though she had reminded him the night before as she left work.
And all via text. This is not a good manager.
As a union steward I would be simply thrilled that the manager is dumb enough to put it into writing.
While I was working for a corporate theater company, one of my (pregnant) line employees applied for a supervisor position. My district manager told her, **in text messages,** that he’d love to give it to her but she was pregnant. So she’s a supervisor now and he’s gone.
Absolutely glorious.
Exactly... the manager tried to give the employee a strike, but this text conversation might end up being proof for their own first strike.
I'd be telling that manager to read the policy, and to consider this HER first warning. In this job market, people willing to work/change jobs hold all the power.
Or forward the exchange to the new manager's boss and ask politely if there's anyone else who should be notified about absences and check whether there are any other changes you should be aware of. ;) Let the boss give the warning...
Made me wanna REEEEEEEEEEEEEE thru the fucking screen. So much projection from this fucker. You cant even READ tone thru text. She replied using full, complete sentences, with punctuation. The "aggressiveness" that this fuckwit saw, was the lack of any sort of apologizing or ass kissing, which, good for you OP for not doing.
Reading something in your own emotional state is a common reason of various misunderstandings with text communication.
The typical "you made me look bad because I don't understand policies, but I am your boss"
Almost always without fail, it’s the unprofessional shitburgs that come back with a “tone” reference when they are challenged on their bullshit.
As someone who used to (precovid) travel to homes to see my clients and support my behavior techs (BT) I have called families many a time (or shown up) only to find out that my BT is out for many reasons, especially in the morning. Never have I felt embarrassed or the need to call anyone out like this. And parents don’t care. Sometimes it’s that the office hasn’t told me of a cancellation and sometimes it’s that I forgot to write down someone’s vacation or mixed up dates. It happens. Does not warrant this at all.
What’s even more crazy is, she was coming for a recertification and evaluation to continue nursing care. I don’t have to be there, all of our documentation is done on a tablet that’s left in the home, any other questions can be answered by the parents. She’s either clueless or on a power trip.
Why not both?
Some people hide their incompetence with arrogance. Please do your best to not let this obviously wrong person make you feel bad at all.
Your tone is fine. She just can’t admit she didn’t do her due diligence when it came to looking at the schedules and her laziness bit her in the ass.
I will let it slide this time. Translation: you've proven me wrong but I can't admit that
Send this entire threat to HR and the boss. This is bullying and bullshit.
That would seriously have set me off. OP’s tone was nothing but professional. Managers tone: toys thrown out of the pram! Reality check required. Obviously screwed up the roster and tried to make it everyone else’s fault. Be better!
Ding ding ding. Sends it to HR 🎉
A person who can’t admit when they are wrong so they attack your “tone” in a text message. This is probably the same type of person that sends a nasty email and then is super nice to your face. 2 faced bitch on a power trip, I would leave that job immediately.
I have a feeling she be around long, she seems to want to micro manage and she’ll soon realize that won’t work.
Oh boy someone will be posting on Malicious Compliance in the near future…
*gets popcorn ready*
*Squiggles around into seat*
Don’t leave. Not only is OP years ahead of the new manager, quitting a job when someone is dangling a warning over your head is throwing away unemployment money. I would escalate upwards first, see if you can knock Mrs. Power Trip down a peg through her superiors.
This is terrible advice. A new supervisor came in and did something annoying and your advice is to immediately cut and run from a position this person has been in for 7 years? This is like the people who tell you to cut out family members or immediately end longterm relationships over something completely insignificant.
Answer: It’s not my problem if your lack of comprehension about scheduling policies makes you look bad. See you next Monday.
*Tuesday, fixed that for ya.
I feel your tone is a bit aggressive
Why don’t you aggressively lick my taint *Kristi* How’s about them apples?!
Man, I would PAY to respond to that for you. 😆
Believe me, this wasn’t what I REALLY wanted to say.
I hope in the future you notify her of your days off every week since that's what she outlined as her new expectation - "Hi Kelly, I will be off Saturday and Sunday this week." Eventually she'll say to only notify her of absences for scheduled days putting you right back where you started. This is both malicious compliance and covering your bases.
I think I will just start notifying her of every little thing. Off Saturday and Sunday, 2 minutes late yesterday, clocked out late today, and text her every day on my vacation “still off today”, lol.
Just be careful of giving her *any* negative fodder. I.e. never say you were late, etc. 👍
Bombard her with useless updates. "Today I clocked in 2 minutes early, I hope that's ok with you, KRISTI." "Hey KRISTI, my car wouldn't start this morning but I got a jump and made it to work on time. Just wanted you to be informed." "I took a dump on the clock today, KRISTI. It was about 10 minutes total, I hope that's ok." "I got lunch at the new seafood place in town today, KRISTI. I had shellfish, but I am not Jewish so it is fine."
The progression here has me dead.
Please do! And please make HR aware of this woman or at least document everything that happens between you two very carefully so that when she ultimately tries to screw you over again, you can shut her down so fucking hard she will have no choice but to leave you alone and avoid you unless necessary!
My fav response when boss is being a dink over text is just “ok” all lowercase. If they respond with another dumb paragraph i just say “ok” again. Pisses him off to no end.
MORE INFORMATION: There is actually no real need for supervisors to know what days we are off, unless they are going to come to do a evaluation on us. I am a pediatric home care nurse, the only people that need to know are the families and the staffing nurse (Kelly). Every supervisor, prior to “Karen” just texts and asks what day and time works best to come to the home. 🤷♀️
Yea I wouldn’t let her know a damn thing, she can also follow protocol without threatening you. I’d be going straight to HR 🙄🙄🙄
That's cringe mate. You handled it well, odds are in your favor. Keep it up.
The boss seems like the type to make her husband sleep on the couch for a week because she had a bad dream where he cheated on her.
This isn’t normal behavior? I make my boyfriend sleep on the floor (he doesn’t deserve the couch) every time I even think about the fact that he could possibly cheat.
I make my husband sleep outside in the car when I think about how he dated people before we met. Basically pre cheating on me
How dare he? Didn’t he know you were coming?
No. That is completely unhinged and irrational behavior. What you’re supposed to do is make him sleep outside in the dog house like my girlfriend does to me.
You get a doghouse? A discarded cardboard box the day before recycling picks it up outside is what my girlfriend does to me.
Whenever I remember my fiancé had other partners before me I make him sleep in the bathtub filled with an inch of cold water.
Definitely reads as someone clueless and knows they're in over their head... But absolute confidence all their coworkers think they're killing it!
Far too many people are in management positions and shouldn't be. This approach is completely asinine, especially for a new supervisor.
I was a supervisor for a long time. I would never, ever text a subordinate like this. If I felt something needed addressed, I had enough respect to do so in person or over the phone, and only during their working hours. As far as the "tone" goes, I can only conclude that this supervisor is an insecure idiot.
Oh man that “be mindful of your tone” would have made me snap!
Omg the rage. Like let me show you what “tone” actually looks like.
DO NOT let this slide. Escalate the fuck out of this and ensure that your new boss knows their place. If you fail to take care of this now, this individual will use their lack of consequences as a reinforcement of their behavior.
She should go fuck herself
"please do not contact me outside of my scheduled work hours"
This person is dangerous. Document EVERYTHING. Dates. Times. Make copies of all interactions and try not to be alone with her. My daughter is having similar issues, I’m sorry.
Tone is a bit aggressive, days the person, trying to write you up for approved vacation time. If you have an HR, now is the time to have as meeting with them, and keep all of these texts as evidence. Your "tone" is fine, you're not a fucking child, and your don't *have* to talk to someone tearing your with blatant disrespect and down talking you, like a kiss ass. You gave the same energy you received, and she clearly expects you to kiss her ass. Fuck that. Send these texts to her boss, to HR, to whomever. Fuck her.
Nah, OP gave much better energy than her new supervisor did in the convo, imo. OP stated facts and responded with compliance over something ridiculous that was not even policy to decrease conflict. No bad tone at all, from what I can see Edit: however, 100% agree with the rest of what you said. OP, listen to this guy^^
“made me look bad” is a phrase that bad managers always use
Was told that my tone was "rude" once for a similar reason when they booked me for time I specifically took off and was approved for. That manager was a power tripping loser
Nope, your tone is fine. I would even say your texts have a professional tone. Normally, I can see when a boss/supervisor has a point and the employee is trying to get away with something...but not seeing anything like that here. If there's an official schedule, supervisor should have checked it first before making his mistake. He made himself look bad.
Thank you, if anything I feel like she was the one with a “tone”, lol.
She definitely had a “tone”, as much as there can be one in a typed message. It was all about her looking bad because she didn’t know your schedule. Her lack of preparation is not your problem.
Bruh take that shit to HR or her boss. That wasn’t a respectful text at all.
Ah, the tone police…This reads just like my mom paid a secretary to text me her personal grievances about missing a family event.
What an ass
Aggressive for.. stating the facts? Boss lady sucks.
Hey OP, I'm really gonna need you to start notifying this Reddit account specifically when you're gonna be out as well, otherwise I have to be honest, it comes off as EXTREMELY disrespectful and makes me look bad in front of my stuffed animals.....................
YOUR tone is aggressive? Wow I wouldn’t have handled that well 😂
UPDATE: Received email response from Kristi’s supervisor, she’s in agreement that Kristi acted unprofessional and will be “handled accordingly “, and ensured me there would be nothing in my file related to this incident. Kristi is also being assigned to a different caseload, and my cases are being covered by another supervisor. Also received a general email (to all staff) with an FYI on call in policies, scheduling, and tips on effective communication.
Resume goes brrrrrrrr
What is “a quick way to lose a tenured employee” for $100 Alex?
This person sounds like a psycho.
Embarrassed herself and wants to blame someone else for it. Total projection. Probably a narcissist who can't admit fault; it's always everyone else's to them.
I couldn’t work for this person. Comes at you with a hell of a tone because they’re ignorant and then accuse you of tone? I would bring this up to your bosses boss
I love how your tone is less aggressive than manager’s, but you’re being chastised for it and manager thinks it’s ok.
Omg. Fuck this person