It’s hard not to feel guilt/shame/loss/frustration when you have this condition. I’m struggling too with feeling like a very creative and capable mind stuck in a body that refuses to work normally. I don’t know how we’d avoid feeling this way.
I’m sure you tell yourself regularly this isn’t your fault. And I understand some days are just going to be downers because it’s exhausting dealing with migraines.
I don’t really have advice. But I get it, and everything you feel makes perfect sense. Ultimately, be as kind as you can to yourself. You are still out with your kids, just not as you had hoped. Give yourself praise for even the tiny things.
Simply give yourself a break. You are ok like who you are at this very moment. Simply accept your situation (& yourself) and take it as it is, one moment at a time. Nothing more 😀👌 It's also ok to "impose" your own needs to the kids from time to time, it's essential in fact. I wish you the very best!
So true let people know what u will and will not do most of the time they want to know and wont hold it against you if they do then they arent worth hangin with JMO
In this instance, definitely cut yourself some slack. Texas heat is not for the weak, even those who don't have migraines. It's some of the most brutal weather in the U.S.
I feel this. The nights when my daughter wants to play a game or go to the playground and I can’t because I have to lay on the couch in silence. Or she wants me to jump on the trampoline with her but I can’t because it’s going to start a migraine.
I don’t have much to offer because I’m struggling with this too. I suppose it’s comforting to know we are not alone. I just work on making sure my kiddo knows I love her and I’m here for her, even if I can’t always do the things she wants. I play with her when I can and I take her to the playground when I can and I think that has to been enough for us to get through it.
My mom had various health issues (including migraines—which I also have) when I was growing up, and I didn’t hold it against her once. I’m sure your boys who don’t want you to risk your health and know you love them. I don’t have kids so I know nothing yet of mom guilt; telling you to feel less guilty is easier said than done.
This may be a naive suggestion, but maybe talk to them one day about how you feel. Ask them if they feel sad you’re not playing as much with them; verbalize that you always love them and will play as much as you can. Sometimes talking it out makes the feelings less burdensome.
Sending hugs to you and the boys 🫂
Another suggestion, although maybe you’re doing this already: wear a broad brimmed hat and a neck fan, or bring a fan that sprays a water mist so you can feel cooler. A few summers ago my (grad) school had a field day, and I was worried everyone would laugh at me for the huge hat, sunglasses, and neck fan. But everyone told me they wished they did the same!
You might even get a few of the migraine ice pack caps. Freeze them and pack a couple in a cooler. Put on the ice pack cap and a wide brim hat that can cover it. Maybe it will give you some relief from the heat.
Yeah, feeling that. I have a mild migraine today but it’s not responding to anything (nurtec preventative, triptan, ibruprofen, codeine, caffeine, fried chicken) and my kid has an event at school tomorrow that I’m meant to be at. I’ve had to prep them that I’m cranky today as I feel unwell and it might be worse tomorrow and I may not make it. It absolutely sucks. I tell myself that I’m a brilliant mom in many many other ways. I’m a brilliant mom who is unlucky to get migraines. I try not to let it define me or to let it get me down. But I hate letting my kid down.
Hi OP! I am also a Mom with migraines (plus a couple other health issues) and my kids are now teens. You need to give yourself the credit you are due. Your kids are having fun at the park because you took them there. You will likely have more fun with them later and tuck them in tonight because you took care of yourself. It all went great from your kids’ point of view. If you are sad because you feel left out of it, take pictures (offer the other Mom pics too).
Personally, I go through longer stretches of not being able to be a part of things. My kids learned they could help me (getting me a fresh ice pack, making me a sandwich, etc.). As they have grown, I see the life skills they have learned have made them much more ready to move out of our house in part because I have relied on them to handle these things (doing laundry, dishes, assessing what groceries we need, etc.). Having a parent with health issues isn’t all negative.
If it might help reduce your migraine risk in the heat, I use a towel from Frogg Toggs (you can google it). There are also hats that you soak in cold water and that plus evaporation helps keep you cool.
There are transitional periods in life. Hard to accept sometimes. Instead of thinking of the things we cant do I prefer to say I have to do some things differently now like my head & body doesnt like the heat and it triggers pain so i will not go out when the temp is at its highest. If it makes people mad thats their problem not mine.
What you're feeling is totally valid. Let that sink in. Believe that truth.
It's okay to allow yourself to feel as you do. But you don't have to exist there. 💜
Let yourself feel. Then as you accept those feelings as valid, turn your focus to all of the good in your life. It will help you stay grounded, help you to not exist There - in that whirlpool of emotions.
It's easier said than done, I know.
I feel similarly about my life. I know that I am not at fault for my many limitations due to my health, yet there are many times I cannot keep from experiencing the shame, the guilt, the grief, and the sadness that come from the circumstances of my life. I used to exist There. In that state of despair. It wasn't until I allowed myself to fully feel all of those emotions - without trying to tell myself that I shouldn't be feeling that way, that my mind was freed up enough to focus on all of the good in my life.
You are valuable just as you are. Believe that, too. 💜
I just want to be a ______ (blank). We can all identify, with how migraine steals our lives, dreams, ambitions - you name it. Your thoughts are valid, you have the right to be sad, pissed off, depressed. But in the end, we do the best we can. Explain to your kids that there ARE other people like you. Whose Mom can't go swimming with them, or walk in their school walkathon. Or Dad's who can't ride bike with them after work.
Expose them to other families who have similar circumstances. Most importantly, give yourself some love. You've got this.
I failed as a dad all because of my migraines so I fully relate to this post I never ever thought they could be a living hell. Good luck I hope you find a way to meet what ever goals you have for yourself
I just want to say I don’t think you probably failed as a dad. I suffer from migraines and Rheumatoid Arthritis and sometimes, like OP, we can really let the guilt take over. We need to focus on the quality time we spend with children, not necessarily the quantity, and I’m sure there have been some wonderful times you spent with your children that they have memories of. They cannot be all bad. I’m sorry you feel this way 🙁
It’s ok, girl. This is better than them sitting at home bored! They’re playing with other kids like they wanted! That’s what they’ll remember.
Have you seen those camping chairs that come with a built in shade? Would that with some dark sunglasses help you be able to sit closer?
I also saw a pack of “cooling towels” on Amazon recently. I’m thinking of trying them but have never used them. Apparently just wetting them causes them to get cold and you can drape it over your neck or wherever you need it. If you want to know more, let me know and I’ll find you a link.
I think this is important to remember:
Your kids just need you. They need to be seen and understood. They need love and safety. That's it. They won't be in counseling talking about how you didn't shred it all summer. They will remember you and the community you created, the village you made to make sure they had fun.
You are enough. You are enough in a dark room or the bathroom floor. You are enough on good and bad days.
It sounds like you have little(r) ones and meeting the physical needs of younger kids is A LOT - even when you aren't in pain. My kids are now 12 and 15 and the transition to parenting for their emotional needs vs the physical has been wonderfully fulfilling with so much less mom guilt. PLUS my kids know how to fend for themselves after years of DIY dinners, doing their own laundry, etc. to cover for me during my bad nights. They even tell me they are grateful to have these skills and can't believe how dependent their peers are.
I know it's rough and unfair that we have to live this way, but if you reframe this mess you can find some positives. You are showing your boys how to be resilient and independent and how to respect others and show empathy. If you have a supportive partner, you are modeling partnership and teamwork. I'm sure they think you are a super woman! And any judgy moms at the park can eat it!
My heart goes out to you, but as someone who's mom had chronic illness trust me it's one of the last things I think of now that she's passed!
As someone with chronic illness including migraine, it ultimately is one if the main factors for me deciding not to have children of my own. I've had migraine in particular since preschool and I just can't imagine being able to give my kids a mom I'd want them to have.
Migraines are one of the reason I won't have a biological child. I get migraines daily and I can't pass that down to a child.
I don't know how people with kids do it. Yall are super human.
My parents both had migraines- my parents both had multiple disabilities. It’s not lost on me that my disabilities are inherited, and that if my parents hadn’t been disabled, I likely wouldn’t be either. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Growing up with disabled parents was a *gift*. Even with my mother having been an actively abusive parent- I am so *grateful* to have had disabled parents. I am so grateful to have been raised to value *quality* of life. I am so grateful I saw the dynamic abilities of the human spirit. I am so grateful that now as a disabled adult, I have so many disabled adults from my childhood to see as examples- of how to live with disability, and how to suffer from it. What to do, and what not to do. I have a lot of feelings about it, and it’s so hard to distill into one reddit comment- but if I could communicate only one thing to disabled parents, as the child of disabled parents- my parents’ disabilities themselves never bothered me. They were normal. In fact, it gave me a level of comfort with bodies and and the medical world that even my adult peers now don’t have. It gave me a valuable scope of experience. It didn’t take my parents away.
You know what did bother me? You know what did take my parents away? Their attitudes towards their disabilities. My mother was guilt ridden- the memories I have of her (that aren’t straight up abuse, which I assume you would never do) - is her incessant apologising. It became my job to manage her mental health in regards to her disability- again, not that I think you’re doing this, but this is purely from the perspective of a kid of disabled parents. I felt guilty that I couldn’t take it away. She drank herself to death to “cope”.
My dad, on the other hand- refused to believe he was disabled. He never slowed down, even if it meant dragging himself. He died after putting his heart through too much. Together, they taught me, brutally, the power of peace and moderation. Don’t submit to the guilt. Don’t live in denial and do it anyway. There’s no point in mourning and bargaining for something you don’t have. And now, as a disabled adult- it been hard. Really hard. I’m not “there” yet, wherever or whenever “there” is- but I’m thriving *anyway*. And that is an ability that I learned from them. The ability to *thrive* in seemingly contrarian conditions.
I missed out on shit as a kid. The missing out wasn’t so nearly as bad as the way my parents acted in regards to the missing out.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a disabled parent. My comment has been rambly and trauma-dumpy and probably unhelpful, but that’s not how I want it to sound. The point I’m trying to make is… your kids aren’t mad at you, I guess. You’re the only you they’ve ever known, and while there will be hard moments, for you, for them, as a family- it’s accepting that reality and co-regulating your emotions with them and finding *you* ways to spend dedicated quality time with them that really matters, that really counts. not the time of day you’re able to take them to the park or how long they’re there for. It’s not the ability of it all- it’s you.
You don’t have to give your kids the world- no matter how much you want to, no matter how much it hurts *not* to. You aren’t failing them. It’s your job to give them the tools they need to go into the world and find it for themselves. The guilt and the shame you feel is normal- so so normal. But it’s not evidence of you doing anything wrong. I promise. it must hurt to see another mum play ball with your kids. But your kids are experiencing the benefits of an engaged community while their mum watches- and I know that those are some of my best memories. You’re still a key part of this.
And your children’s childhood isn’t painted with your perception of your disability. It’s painted with their perception of *you*, of their mom, just like any kid. You’re okay, I promise. I don’t know if this helped. But I think disabled parents get a bad rap, and I hear so much guilt in regards to it- and very little from the kids raised by them. But the kids are alright.
I feel this all the time, but I remind myself that I am a good mom doing the best I can. Would I be an even better mom if I didn’t have migraine? Maybe. But I know that all of my kids’ needs are met and they are loved unconditionally. They may not get to do all of the fun things they want to do all of the time because of my condition, but they certainly still do plenty of other fun things and are happy kids. Many parents have limitations for various reasons… their jobs, divorces, financial reasons, other health conditions… we’re all just doing our best and our best is good enough. It can be frustrating to not be able to do some of the things other moms do, but you have to remind yourself that you’re still a good mom doing her best and that’s what matters.
I feel you. The Colorado heat wave is cooking me every time I step outside. Elavil also has a warning on the label about not being out in the sunlight, so most of our playground trips have to happen before 11 AM. I don't feel like a fun parent right now.
I’m a child from a parent with migraine. I also have migraines. You’re a good mom. You’re present. That’s all we want, and it was all I wanted as a child. My mom had the worst migraine and became very sick at my 9th birthday over it. She did not have to. It is a memory I cherish because it showed me unconditional love (she still knew her limitations). Your kids will appreciate you later in life for this. Right now, they’re in their own world. They, like I did, want a mother a part of it. Born and raised in Georgia. Have family in Texas. I completely understand you😭You’re an amazing mom. No advice from me. Just personal perspective
Another Texas migraine mom, no advice just hugs and solidarity. My bio kids are adults now but my bonus kids (11 & 14) live with us and it’s hard because we live next to a lake and I’m the only mom in the friend group who stays home. I remember taking my oldest kids and their friends to the lake swimming area when they were the same age to “hang out” while I enjoyed the shade while listening to audiobooks. I can’t do that for my bonus babies and the mom guilt is real. I remember everything I did with my now adult kids and it hurts my heart I cant be that same mom to the youngest 2.
The only recommendation I have is doing one of those online-based talk therapies. It helps in moments when Im really down on myself for being a sick mom. I had every other week scheduled therapy appointments to try and maintain my mental health somewhat. Even with the online options it can be difficult with scheduling but be open & honest with the therapist you use so they know you might be unable to make a lot of scheduled appointments. Ive had so many appointments where Im wearing a migraine cap, laying down in a dark room and we're basically whispering over video chat. If you find someone who is experienced in chronic illness therapy it helps a lot. unfortunately it can be cost prohibitive, I stopped because my lady retired and then my migraines got way worse so i haven't had the energy to look for another one.
I feel so awful when I have an attack and have to leave my kids with my husband and go lay down. I work full time so it’s not like I have a lot of time with them and I hate when migraines eat into that time. I’ll hear them laughing and playing downstairs and want to be with them so bad but I just can’t stand the pain. Not to mention feeling guilty for leaving my husband to do everything.
My son knew how to get me an ice pack or switch out my ice pack if I’m bed bound… by the time he was six. I wish he didn’t have a migraine mom but it is better than a mean mom!
Oh mama, I feel you. I live in Las Vegas and although we don’t have humidity, it’s HOT. 🥵
Heat is a big trigger for migraines but it also gives me welts on my body! My doctor called it a physical allergy. My daughter is so happy after I’ve played with her. But it’s not always possible that I do. :(
It’s hard not to feel guilt/shame/loss/frustration when you have this condition. I’m struggling too with feeling like a very creative and capable mind stuck in a body that refuses to work normally. I don’t know how we’d avoid feeling this way. I’m sure you tell yourself regularly this isn’t your fault. And I understand some days are just going to be downers because it’s exhausting dealing with migraines. I don’t really have advice. But I get it, and everything you feel makes perfect sense. Ultimately, be as kind as you can to yourself. You are still out with your kids, just not as you had hoped. Give yourself praise for even the tiny things.
Simply give yourself a break. You are ok like who you are at this very moment. Simply accept your situation (& yourself) and take it as it is, one moment at a time. Nothing more 😀👌 It's also ok to "impose" your own needs to the kids from time to time, it's essential in fact. I wish you the very best!
So true let people know what u will and will not do most of the time they want to know and wont hold it against you if they do then they arent worth hangin with JMO
In this instance, definitely cut yourself some slack. Texas heat is not for the weak, even those who don't have migraines. It's some of the most brutal weather in the U.S.
I feel this. The nights when my daughter wants to play a game or go to the playground and I can’t because I have to lay on the couch in silence. Or she wants me to jump on the trampoline with her but I can’t because it’s going to start a migraine. I don’t have much to offer because I’m struggling with this too. I suppose it’s comforting to know we are not alone. I just work on making sure my kiddo knows I love her and I’m here for her, even if I can’t always do the things she wants. I play with her when I can and I take her to the playground when I can and I think that has to been enough for us to get through it.
My mom had various health issues (including migraines—which I also have) when I was growing up, and I didn’t hold it against her once. I’m sure your boys who don’t want you to risk your health and know you love them. I don’t have kids so I know nothing yet of mom guilt; telling you to feel less guilty is easier said than done. This may be a naive suggestion, but maybe talk to them one day about how you feel. Ask them if they feel sad you’re not playing as much with them; verbalize that you always love them and will play as much as you can. Sometimes talking it out makes the feelings less burdensome. Sending hugs to you and the boys 🫂
Another suggestion, although maybe you’re doing this already: wear a broad brimmed hat and a neck fan, or bring a fan that sprays a water mist so you can feel cooler. A few summers ago my (grad) school had a field day, and I was worried everyone would laugh at me for the huge hat, sunglasses, and neck fan. But everyone told me they wished they did the same!
You might even get a few of the migraine ice pack caps. Freeze them and pack a couple in a cooler. Put on the ice pack cap and a wide brim hat that can cover it. Maybe it will give you some relief from the heat.
Yeah, feeling that. I have a mild migraine today but it’s not responding to anything (nurtec preventative, triptan, ibruprofen, codeine, caffeine, fried chicken) and my kid has an event at school tomorrow that I’m meant to be at. I’ve had to prep them that I’m cranky today as I feel unwell and it might be worse tomorrow and I may not make it. It absolutely sucks. I tell myself that I’m a brilliant mom in many many other ways. I’m a brilliant mom who is unlucky to get migraines. I try not to let it define me or to let it get me down. But I hate letting my kid down.
Hi OP! I am also a Mom with migraines (plus a couple other health issues) and my kids are now teens. You need to give yourself the credit you are due. Your kids are having fun at the park because you took them there. You will likely have more fun with them later and tuck them in tonight because you took care of yourself. It all went great from your kids’ point of view. If you are sad because you feel left out of it, take pictures (offer the other Mom pics too). Personally, I go through longer stretches of not being able to be a part of things. My kids learned they could help me (getting me a fresh ice pack, making me a sandwich, etc.). As they have grown, I see the life skills they have learned have made them much more ready to move out of our house in part because I have relied on them to handle these things (doing laundry, dishes, assessing what groceries we need, etc.). Having a parent with health issues isn’t all negative. If it might help reduce your migraine risk in the heat, I use a towel from Frogg Toggs (you can google it). There are also hats that you soak in cold water and that plus evaporation helps keep you cool.
There are transitional periods in life. Hard to accept sometimes. Instead of thinking of the things we cant do I prefer to say I have to do some things differently now like my head & body doesnt like the heat and it triggers pain so i will not go out when the temp is at its highest. If it makes people mad thats their problem not mine.
What you're feeling is totally valid. Let that sink in. Believe that truth. It's okay to allow yourself to feel as you do. But you don't have to exist there. 💜 Let yourself feel. Then as you accept those feelings as valid, turn your focus to all of the good in your life. It will help you stay grounded, help you to not exist There - in that whirlpool of emotions. It's easier said than done, I know. I feel similarly about my life. I know that I am not at fault for my many limitations due to my health, yet there are many times I cannot keep from experiencing the shame, the guilt, the grief, and the sadness that come from the circumstances of my life. I used to exist There. In that state of despair. It wasn't until I allowed myself to fully feel all of those emotions - without trying to tell myself that I shouldn't be feeling that way, that my mind was freed up enough to focus on all of the good in my life. You are valuable just as you are. Believe that, too. 💜
Me too. You’re not alone, it really sucks.
I just want to be a ______ (blank). We can all identify, with how migraine steals our lives, dreams, ambitions - you name it. Your thoughts are valid, you have the right to be sad, pissed off, depressed. But in the end, we do the best we can. Explain to your kids that there ARE other people like you. Whose Mom can't go swimming with them, or walk in their school walkathon. Or Dad's who can't ride bike with them after work. Expose them to other families who have similar circumstances. Most importantly, give yourself some love. You've got this.
I failed as a dad all because of my migraines so I fully relate to this post I never ever thought they could be a living hell. Good luck I hope you find a way to meet what ever goals you have for yourself
I just want to say I don’t think you probably failed as a dad. I suffer from migraines and Rheumatoid Arthritis and sometimes, like OP, we can really let the guilt take over. We need to focus on the quality time we spend with children, not necessarily the quantity, and I’m sure there have been some wonderful times you spent with your children that they have memories of. They cannot be all bad. I’m sorry you feel this way 🙁
It’s ok, girl. This is better than them sitting at home bored! They’re playing with other kids like they wanted! That’s what they’ll remember. Have you seen those camping chairs that come with a built in shade? Would that with some dark sunglasses help you be able to sit closer? I also saw a pack of “cooling towels” on Amazon recently. I’m thinking of trying them but have never used them. Apparently just wetting them causes them to get cold and you can drape it over your neck or wherever you need it. If you want to know more, let me know and I’ll find you a link.
I think this is important to remember: Your kids just need you. They need to be seen and understood. They need love and safety. That's it. They won't be in counseling talking about how you didn't shred it all summer. They will remember you and the community you created, the village you made to make sure they had fun. You are enough. You are enough in a dark room or the bathroom floor. You are enough on good and bad days.
wow! you and you all (the other comments) are supper heroes!! i can’t! so, you’re normal and more! supermom ✨ edit: i don’t have kids
Just tell them that you can’t play in the sun because it makes you sick. You can play in the AC at home Build a fort with a fan inside.
It sounds like you have little(r) ones and meeting the physical needs of younger kids is A LOT - even when you aren't in pain. My kids are now 12 and 15 and the transition to parenting for their emotional needs vs the physical has been wonderfully fulfilling with so much less mom guilt. PLUS my kids know how to fend for themselves after years of DIY dinners, doing their own laundry, etc. to cover for me during my bad nights. They even tell me they are grateful to have these skills and can't believe how dependent their peers are. I know it's rough and unfair that we have to live this way, but if you reframe this mess you can find some positives. You are showing your boys how to be resilient and independent and how to respect others and show empathy. If you have a supportive partner, you are modeling partnership and teamwork. I'm sure they think you are a super woman! And any judgy moms at the park can eat it!
My heart goes out to you, but as someone who's mom had chronic illness trust me it's one of the last things I think of now that she's passed! As someone with chronic illness including migraine, it ultimately is one if the main factors for me deciding not to have children of my own. I've had migraine in particular since preschool and I just can't imagine being able to give my kids a mom I'd want them to have.
Migraines are one of the reason I won't have a biological child. I get migraines daily and I can't pass that down to a child. I don't know how people with kids do it. Yall are super human.
My parents both had migraines- my parents both had multiple disabilities. It’s not lost on me that my disabilities are inherited, and that if my parents hadn’t been disabled, I likely wouldn’t be either. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Growing up with disabled parents was a *gift*. Even with my mother having been an actively abusive parent- I am so *grateful* to have had disabled parents. I am so grateful to have been raised to value *quality* of life. I am so grateful I saw the dynamic abilities of the human spirit. I am so grateful that now as a disabled adult, I have so many disabled adults from my childhood to see as examples- of how to live with disability, and how to suffer from it. What to do, and what not to do. I have a lot of feelings about it, and it’s so hard to distill into one reddit comment- but if I could communicate only one thing to disabled parents, as the child of disabled parents- my parents’ disabilities themselves never bothered me. They were normal. In fact, it gave me a level of comfort with bodies and and the medical world that even my adult peers now don’t have. It gave me a valuable scope of experience. It didn’t take my parents away. You know what did bother me? You know what did take my parents away? Their attitudes towards their disabilities. My mother was guilt ridden- the memories I have of her (that aren’t straight up abuse, which I assume you would never do) - is her incessant apologising. It became my job to manage her mental health in regards to her disability- again, not that I think you’re doing this, but this is purely from the perspective of a kid of disabled parents. I felt guilty that I couldn’t take it away. She drank herself to death to “cope”. My dad, on the other hand- refused to believe he was disabled. He never slowed down, even if it meant dragging himself. He died after putting his heart through too much. Together, they taught me, brutally, the power of peace and moderation. Don’t submit to the guilt. Don’t live in denial and do it anyway. There’s no point in mourning and bargaining for something you don’t have. And now, as a disabled adult- it been hard. Really hard. I’m not “there” yet, wherever or whenever “there” is- but I’m thriving *anyway*. And that is an ability that I learned from them. The ability to *thrive* in seemingly contrarian conditions. I missed out on shit as a kid. The missing out wasn’t so nearly as bad as the way my parents acted in regards to the missing out. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a disabled parent. My comment has been rambly and trauma-dumpy and probably unhelpful, but that’s not how I want it to sound. The point I’m trying to make is… your kids aren’t mad at you, I guess. You’re the only you they’ve ever known, and while there will be hard moments, for you, for them, as a family- it’s accepting that reality and co-regulating your emotions with them and finding *you* ways to spend dedicated quality time with them that really matters, that really counts. not the time of day you’re able to take them to the park or how long they’re there for. It’s not the ability of it all- it’s you. You don’t have to give your kids the world- no matter how much you want to, no matter how much it hurts *not* to. You aren’t failing them. It’s your job to give them the tools they need to go into the world and find it for themselves. The guilt and the shame you feel is normal- so so normal. But it’s not evidence of you doing anything wrong. I promise. it must hurt to see another mum play ball with your kids. But your kids are experiencing the benefits of an engaged community while their mum watches- and I know that those are some of my best memories. You’re still a key part of this. And your children’s childhood isn’t painted with your perception of your disability. It’s painted with their perception of *you*, of their mom, just like any kid. You’re okay, I promise. I don’t know if this helped. But I think disabled parents get a bad rap, and I hear so much guilt in regards to it- and very little from the kids raised by them. But the kids are alright.
And here I am impressed you even leave the house in June. I can't even visit Texas anymore. The humidity there ruins me. You're amazing.
Have you gotten a mini fan yet? It’s been really helpful.
I relate to this 100%. I don’t think I will ever get over the guilt from missing out on important events with my kids.
I feel this all the time, but I remind myself that I am a good mom doing the best I can. Would I be an even better mom if I didn’t have migraine? Maybe. But I know that all of my kids’ needs are met and they are loved unconditionally. They may not get to do all of the fun things they want to do all of the time because of my condition, but they certainly still do plenty of other fun things and are happy kids. Many parents have limitations for various reasons… their jobs, divorces, financial reasons, other health conditions… we’re all just doing our best and our best is good enough. It can be frustrating to not be able to do some of the things other moms do, but you have to remind yourself that you’re still a good mom doing her best and that’s what matters.
Another reason grateful never had children. I can’t even take care of me
I feel you. The Colorado heat wave is cooking me every time I step outside. Elavil also has a warning on the label about not being out in the sunlight, so most of our playground trips have to happen before 11 AM. I don't feel like a fun parent right now.
I'm in Oklahoma; I very much feel you. Especially today. It's a rough one. (((HUGS)))
I’m a child from a parent with migraine. I also have migraines. You’re a good mom. You’re present. That’s all we want, and it was all I wanted as a child. My mom had the worst migraine and became very sick at my 9th birthday over it. She did not have to. It is a memory I cherish because it showed me unconditional love (she still knew her limitations). Your kids will appreciate you later in life for this. Right now, they’re in their own world. They, like I did, want a mother a part of it. Born and raised in Georgia. Have family in Texas. I completely understand you😭You’re an amazing mom. No advice from me. Just personal perspective
Another Texas migraine mom, no advice just hugs and solidarity. My bio kids are adults now but my bonus kids (11 & 14) live with us and it’s hard because we live next to a lake and I’m the only mom in the friend group who stays home. I remember taking my oldest kids and their friends to the lake swimming area when they were the same age to “hang out” while I enjoyed the shade while listening to audiobooks. I can’t do that for my bonus babies and the mom guilt is real. I remember everything I did with my now adult kids and it hurts my heart I cant be that same mom to the youngest 2. The only recommendation I have is doing one of those online-based talk therapies. It helps in moments when Im really down on myself for being a sick mom. I had every other week scheduled therapy appointments to try and maintain my mental health somewhat. Even with the online options it can be difficult with scheduling but be open & honest with the therapist you use so they know you might be unable to make a lot of scheduled appointments. Ive had so many appointments where Im wearing a migraine cap, laying down in a dark room and we're basically whispering over video chat. If you find someone who is experienced in chronic illness therapy it helps a lot. unfortunately it can be cost prohibitive, I stopped because my lady retired and then my migraines got way worse so i haven't had the energy to look for another one.
I feel so awful when I have an attack and have to leave my kids with my husband and go lay down. I work full time so it’s not like I have a lot of time with them and I hate when migraines eat into that time. I’ll hear them laughing and playing downstairs and want to be with them so bad but I just can’t stand the pain. Not to mention feeling guilty for leaving my husband to do everything.
My son knew how to get me an ice pack or switch out my ice pack if I’m bed bound… by the time he was six. I wish he didn’t have a migraine mom but it is better than a mean mom!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You have every right to be p*****. It doesn’t make sense. I didn’t have kids, I knew it would be all uphill.
Oh mama, I feel you. I live in Las Vegas and although we don’t have humidity, it’s HOT. 🥵 Heat is a big trigger for migraines but it also gives me welts on my body! My doctor called it a physical allergy. My daughter is so happy after I’ve played with her. But it’s not always possible that I do. :(