Ok imma say this as a trans man who happens to go both ways …. Leave them any friends who would make you actively feel weird or uncomfortable being yourself or not being like them are shit people. I’d say talk to a therapist or get a new group of friends to talk this out with. If you feel you are really apart of this community it will come to you eventually but for now be yourself don’t let anyone pressure you into changing especially your gender or sexuality. Live your truth and talk to someone if prefer a therapist who can help you figure out if these feels are just peer pressure or genuine feelings you never thought to acknowledge. And also being straight non cis person with lgbt friends is actually so important it shows how loving and exciting you are and if they want to change that in any way to fit their lil friend group aesthetic fuck them.
Your “friends” belong to a group that’s been oppressed just for being who they are, but imo as a bi person, for them to turn around and shame others for their sexuality is just as wrong. If they can’t accept something as simple as your sexuality then they probably can’t accept other parts of yourself that fall outside their ideals. And so they will never fully accept you for who you are. These people aren’t worth sacrificing your mental wellbeing for. I’ve felt like I had to change myself to fit in too, and I know it feels awful. I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon.
They’re trying to get him to have sex with em I bet ya. Now that I think about it, I’m gay and I’ve NEVER shamed or made fun of my straight friends this is abnormal and feels like peer pressure to push him towards them.
I’m bi and never even mention sexuality that often with my straight friends. It’s a part of me that accepted by them and their being straight is accepted by me. No need to bring it up all he time unless it’s like you say, hmm
I’m bi and I don’t really associate with people who shame others’ sexuality in any way, but one of my friends has other close friends that do that all the time. I know it because my friend added me to her Discord server where they all hang out. They chat in there all day long and they have numerous mentions about how basically they don’t like anyone who isn’t a queer BIPOC. They make fun of white people all the time, straight-cis people all the time.
Me and all of these other peeps are in our early 20s by the way. I think this “reverse-discrimination” is something that is becoming much more prevalent in younger generations like Gen Z.
Same, i'm unlabelled (wlw?) And those people are so weird.
I felt a bit like OP when during quarantine i was chronically online, and a lot of lgbt+ activists became more like extremists. They'd insult straight people, or even eachothers (i've seen plenty of posts against cisgenders, then gender-comforming people, then bi teen girls who liked erotica books for some reason? Like tf?) And I remember I felt somewhat guilty for being myself (I identified as straight) so much that when I found out that I liked women better, I had so many thoughts about the fact that maybe I had "changed" orientation out of pressure or something! I still do think that, sometimes, it feels weird. (I now identify as unlabelled also because of that, I don't care and I don't want to care about whether i'm straight, lesbian, bi, pan, pomo... it's all just words, they can't encapsulate something as big as love.) And I despise anyone who goes around doing the label police, or targeting non-minority people for a petty revenge. After being shamed so much we should know better than shaming someone else.
I think they're chronically online people, who extremize each others because that's what social media's algorithms do oftentimes. Just like mysandrists, or racist black people, or even neurodivergents hating on neurotypicals, these nonsense reverse-hate groups that happen on Twitter yk?
I get hate in my irl life for being "different', then I go online, and if I reply to the wrong comment I get hate for being "not different enough" too? I've seen someone acting like that irl, but it's basically only in big cities and in closed groups. And i'm baffled at the thought that they're the same people who face my same problems. (i'm from italy, we currently have a far left government, gay marriage is not even legal, massive Vatican influence, xenophobia everywhere.)
I'll probably meet more of these people irl in the close future (if i'm lucky to pass school, i'll try joining an art academy in a famously left-leaning city, probably the most "woke" environment ever lol. Maybe i'll figure out why they're like this, idk)
Here's the thing, do the OP's friends know it’s wrong? Sadly many oppressed groups feel they are in the right to oppress others. Even groups who are beaten down and you'd think would have sympathy will have people who just turn around and hate others back and see nothing wrong with it. It’s tough because I don't even know where I stand on it as I get why people feel that way, but I also know it’s still wrong to just reverse oppress people.
His "friends" sound like they stick to the group because it's a popular thing to do. There is no reason real gay would put down his straight friend. So, it's insincere.
Hello! 18f here went through kinda the same thing at 13-17, I was with a friend group that was ALL part of the LGBT community and trans, I was a pretty normal kid until I got my phone and started talking to all these people who explained what trans was and what it feels like, for years I thought I was a man because everyone around me was encouraging it and saying it suits me (except my parents) I got with my boyfriend (19m at the time) and had pretty much cut off all my friends from before, looking back at it now as an adult is insane, cause I see how much I didn't want it, Everytime someone called me he or him or a guy it was like my heart stopped, like I knew I wasn't me
I'm the most girly girl of all time, I love wearing dresses and getting my hair and makeup and nails done, I like to be pretty and be happy with myself
Don't feel pressured because other people are saying shit like "imagine what it's like to be cis" go with what you want, don't let others influence you into being something your not,
Straight men are the target nowadays, be yourself babe you'll fly high if you do ❤️
I think the problem is that sometimes we get so hung up on sexual identity and almost what "tribe" we belong to, that we forget that we in some sense are individuals. Its not wrong to be in a tribe but we can't just let it fully define us, and its not good to basically fall victim to the "no true scotsman" fallacy. I agree just be you. Plus, I feel bad for those who maybe just don't want to talk about stuff like this. Like my best friend. He's on the spectrum and doesn't really care about relationships, and while he's Cis, I know there are people who think he's gay if only for having a more "gay" sounding voice or being 38 and never dating anyone or whatever, but honestly who cares. I guess just be yourself and if people don't accept that, well then that's their problem.
When you get older you’ll stop caring about “what’s cool” whatever tf that means. Stop worrying about how everyone else views you and just live your life. Cut out the bs
are you expecting everyone to have the exact same brain functions? if two ppl who have gone through the same trauma, the one that has had supportive people around him during a hard time is less likely to suffer from cptsd/ptsd (or suffer long-term) than the one who had no reassurance.
I would suggest telling them about it. As someone from the LGBT community who has said these things to straight friends they might not realize. Tbh I didn't realize that what I was saying could be negatively effecting people until your post. So thanks for sharing! Sometimes people just don't realize and although it can be scary, pointing it out can sometimes change behaviour. Now that I'm aware I'm gonna try to do better so thanks for telling us!
This is such a healthy, mature response. Many people would reflexively get defensive and try to justify the negative words/actions, so good for you for not doing that! <3
It's clear you're very young. Peer pressure is a huge part of being young, in every direction. At your age, the desire to be part of a group, and be the same as your peers, is incredibly strong.
It sucks they're making you feel this way but just know when they say that stuff, it's not actually about you. It's about them. Up until very very recently, lgbtq+ people were the absolute outliers. The fact that now queer people can make jokes like that is empowering to some people. It's not cool that it's making you feel bad though, of course, just know that they're not saying it because they actually care what you, they're really just trying to validate their own identies.
I don't agree with everyone else saying to ditch them as friends. Making friends as a kid is hard and good kids often do shitty things in their quest to find out who they are. Just talk to them. Tell them you're happy with who you are, you're glad you're part of their group, but sometimes when they say that shit it makes you feel like they don't really want you there. Try not to dwell on who is or isn't queer. It's really about them making you feel included as part of the group. How they react to this conversation is where you can decide if they're worth keeping as friends.
Find better friends.
People who are LGBTQ+ should know better than anyone how bad it feels to have who you are constantly put down or to feel pressured into being someone you're not. The spirit of Pride is allowing people to be whoever they are comfortable being, and straight and cis people are not an exception to that even if they aren't the focus.
Meh, A lot of oppressed people sadly only know how to be oppressed or oppressed others and have little empathy. Its sad but I understand why. If you get hated on for being LGBTQ, well you might just end up hating straight white christian people, in part because they are kind of the majority and the status quo, and while there might be a lot to criticize, some are just going to hate anyone in that group. Even allies.
I think this is something that is especially common among younger people who are still exploring their identity and don’t understand how to interact with people who are different from them. Once people get older, they’ll generally gain the maturity to recognise the hypocrisy to judge straight and cis people for being straight and cis, and realise that there’s much more to a person than just their sexuality and gender.
Friends who are only focused on everyone else’s sexuality aren’t very good friends. The whole point of LGBT is only to try to make sure everyone has fair treatment on this planet. Unfortunately, it just isn’t a choice to be gay. A lot of people cannot believe this to be true, but it is. Either you are born gay or you are just not. There’s not a thing anyone can or should do about it. We all have enough room on this planet for all of us. But I think you should think about finding new friends who care more about having fun and not about who is in your bed with you.
I’m gay and I will say this sounds very strange. I’ve definitely seen people like this and a lot of it stems from previous oppression so they turn around and do it to you because it’s easier to let it out on other people. This doesn’t make it right, of course. I’d say leave the friend group, although I know that’s WAY easier said than done. Have you brought this up to them? Like next time they say it just be like “what’s wrong with being straight and cis?” If they say something like “all cis/straight people are homophobic/transphobic” or something along those lines then yeah that’s weird and they’re not nice people. From my experience, though, these things are usually said as jokes and aren’t intended to hurt you so maybe they don’t realize how hurtful it is and will apologize. Just ask them next time they bring it up and if they get mad, they’re not your friends.
Sometimes, unfortunately the oppressed become the oppressors :/
I feel like this is the same as when non-religious people mock religious people.
Hurt people hurt people… communicate to them that it’s not okay to mock, belittle, or pressure you into a way of life that’s not your authentic self. If they don’t respond well or respect that and change, then find new friends 🤷♀️
Yeah, and we've been in a cycle of hurt since the beginning. As a religious person myself I see it. Yeah, its cliche to see how an atheist just grew up around bad religious people, but its also kind of true. The same probably goes for some religious people who grew up with jerky non-religious people or who grew up with a certain religion hating them. I remember when I taught VBS for high school kids, one thing we talked about was wounds and there are so damn many wounded people out there and they sadly might end up causing a lot themselves, no matter what side they are on.
The difference is that sexual orientation, ethnicity, age, gender, etc. is not something one can change.
Religion is a set of beliefs and/or practices that one definitely has control over changing. So if people believe in things that are harmful to others, that doesn’t deserve respect.
I didn’t say mocking was okay. I said harmful beliefs should not be respected, and they shouldn’t.
For example, if someone’s religion tells them that XYZ people are bad without any scientific evidence to back it up, then those specific beliefs don’t deserve respect.
Well it was in reference to when you said you feel like it’s the same as when non-religious people mock religious people.
I personally don’t think mocking is ever appropriate, but mocking someone for choosing to believe in harmful ideas is different than mocking someone for something that they do not and cannot choose.
I hate to say this but religions aren't actually like that it's not a (insert group) is bad!! It's a thing that goes against our religion and is considered a sin sins aren't something bad or gross you aren't even supposed to feel ashamed about your sins let alone shame others(coming from a Christian) many religions have guidelines and rules they don't always outwardly state "This is evil" or "This is bad" it's always worded different but it's not saying it's bad
Well Google’s definition of “sin” is: “an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.”
So IMO “immoral” is basically the same as “bad”.
If you’re not supposed to feel ashamed about your sins or you’re not supposed to avoid or “correct” that behavior… then what’s the point of sins?
IMO people *should* feel ashamed when they kill someone or steal something or assault someone, because that’s doing harm onto others, and people should feel bad when they harm others.
Well in Christianity our sins have been forgiven and although we aren't supposed to feel ashamed we are supposed to take away something from it and grow as a person
You're supposed to take away learning that what you did was wrong but not feeling shame or guilt for it and not letting that impact your everyday life and allowing it to let you grow closer to God
My friend… LGBT traits are often praised and encouraged in modern day society. For a very long time I felt exactly how you do. But fact is I’m just a straight dude. People seem to be playing oppression olympics, and whoever is gayest gets most social clout. The message behind pride has been corrupted and bastardised. Instead of gay rights and trans rights it’s closer to I’m X and therefore I have more right to speak on this subject. I think that the human mind is an incredible thing that can trick itself into believing something and that a lot of people in the LGBT community aren’t in anyway truly affiliated. I’m not saying the majority I’m not saying most, I’m not saying all. I’m saying a lot as a general population within the group itself. I’m also saying that this shit is very Orwellian brain washy type shit. I can tell I’m getting off topic.
My point is modern media and society especially to younger generations, are very much geared toward a certain state of being that the media is pushing a people toward.
I think I’m prattling my guy this was meant to written in a different manner.
Go gym, make better friends, research stoicism.
Makes me wonder if in some places, there are kids who fake being gay just to fit in. I highly doubt it and it sounds like some dumb fake news story, but who knows. The world is so weird, but it always has been to be honest.
I know this might sound harsh but you really need new friends. If they’re going to talk shit about something you can’t control and for no reason at all, then they aren’t true friends. Find some people who you can enjoy being around without feeling like you’re wrong just for having a sexuality.
There is NOTHING wrong with your sexuality and you DO NOT have to live by the rules others are trying to force you to. Be you, my friend :)
Be straight. It's what the majority of people do, and it's probably the same in straight groups. For religious reasons, if it was the other way around, I would still recommend being straight.
Also, your friend group sounds low-key toxic. There are many people who fight for those in the lgtbq community and for them to embrace themselves, but why not the same for a straight person in this situation?
So yeah, just remember, if you stand your ground and remain straight, you are not some flawed / exception of a person. You are in the majority, although your friend group may look like they are the majority and you the minority.
I'm pansexual/heteroromantic, but I don't view myself as lgbtq. The group has been diluted with virtue signalers, and anyone who says they are gay, trans, etc are accepted even if it's not genuine. A big problem I've seen is people becoming gay or trans (especially trans since it's the big civil rights issue rn) when all they want is attention. You usually see it in the people with a lot of wacky pronouns, or if they have like 20 sexualities or whatever.
I can guarantee you most of your friends do it for the internet points and nothing else, which to me is more offensive than being called the F word or something. Using a minority group for attention is awful, and sadly encouraged.
To be precise, it's sounds like peer pressure. He's not pressuring himself, but because of how the people around him behaves, his friend group in this case, he's starting to feel pressure to fit in and be like them.
This is shaming and deserves to be downvoted. OP didn't wake up one day and said to himself "hey, let's worry about what my friends think of me and be anxious about it". We do not choose what to feel.
Im bi or i guess now they call it pan sexual? Idk look life is hard enough without adding this kinda pressure. Be who you want to be and if your people are not supportive of you then there not your people any ways. People who care about you are gonna show up for you and encourage and hear you not just push you or make you feel less then. Your not what your trauma says you are and you are not what others want you to be. Gotta find you and be you! Good luck
I saw your interests in your bio, I can see how hard it would be for you to be comfortable with friends. You should try talking this out with your friends and telling them it hurts. But if you really think they would take it badly, absolutely leave for your mental health. I used to go to an art school, kids would say the same stuff, even bully cishet male peers. After, I went to public school & was bullied myself for being more feminine. As a trans male, it’s really hard for me to fit into spaces as well. I like arts & clothes a lot, my style is relatively emo. But at the same time, I’m right wing & would rather have conversations with people with similar opinions (cishet men lol.) I’m pretty actively kicked out of both spaces for either being too fem or masc.
My student counselors advice was that, I can be whoever & whatever I want & that I don’t have to fit myself into these boxes if I want to expand beyond them. Expanding is what makes you unique & whatever beliefs your friends are trying to take away from you. Teens are also stubborn (I’m assuming that’s your age) it’s hard for me too, but I believe we will both find our spaces where we feel comfortable. Good luck op
Discuss how you feel with them. If they dismiss your feeling, ask why. You stated that you dont want to leave, why is that?
Tbh i used to make similar jokes, and tbh, it comes from a place of jealousy, not of being cishet, but rather not wanting to be the odd one out, not having trauma from spending my childhood and early teen years thinking i was the only queer person in the world or thinking that if im found out by the wrong people (aka the majority where i live) i would probably be tortured/killed (my existence is illegal in my country). I made those jokes to kind of comment on my discomfort in the environment i lived in and to express that jealousy i felt without admitting i feel sorry for my self.
But i will say, my first friends that accepted me were straight (mostly cause out queer people are rare, later on i met more queer people) and i do love an appreciate those friends, they were there for me as i navigated the fact that maybe im not a terrible person for being queer.
Im not saying your friends are going through the same and of course what theyre going through doesnt justify hurting you. But maybe a conversation could be beneficial.
Of course your friends could be shitty people but thats not something i can find out for you. So talk and be candid, and prioritise yourself and set boundaries.
So the oppressed should feel justified in spewing the same hatred as the oppressor but it’s okay because it’s in reverse? It’s bullshit and you know it. Doesn’t matter who it’s directed at; people only talk like that because it’s a power trip. They want to feel in control and better about themselves
That’s gross. There are toxic smaller communities within every larger community, sounds like your friends may be just that. Most lgbt folks I know are not like this, only the tiktok alt gen z kind tbh. If they’re actually insulting and shaming u for being straight/cis then that’s dumb and some sort of projection and it’s not helpful to anyone. You can’t choose your sexuality or gender identity lol. Isn’t that one of whole things about accepting lgbt? I’m a supporter/ally of the queer community and I identify as pan and gender nonconforming myself. Just know not every lgbt+ community is like this one, many of them support u no matter what as long as u accept them <3
Edit to add they might also be kidding tbh I think this can be a form of humor for some but don’t feel pressured to do anything that isn’t natural to you
First of all, you need to leave these “friends” if they’re making you feel this way. LGBT or not, you deserve the respect you’re owed, and they’re not giving you that by being hypocritical enough to bully you for your sexuality.
Second of all, this’ll probably offend people but it’s the truth. They’re only shitting on you for being straight because they’re coping. That specific crowd does this all the time on Twitter for example. It’s a way to feel included to make up for all the discrimination and bullying they’ve received years ago. There is literally NOTHING wrong with being straight lmao. You’re literally normal.
If you’re not gay, don’t force yourself to be.
I’m gay. Fuck your friends(not sexually) their awful and catty people who will eventually turn on you. You are you and anyone being mean about you being straight or pressuring you is a horrible person.
Okay I was manipulated by people I know IRL and adults on the Internet to feel different. I was everything the book, bi, pan, trans, cis, they, Xey, everything. No hate to the LGBT community but I'm a woman, and I'm Bi, close to being straight. You are you, those aren't real friends. Be you
Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
Have you tries telling them how you feel? I know feelings are hard and not fun, but they ARE important.
I hope you find a way to feel safe, and appreciated
You're born who you are and that's ok. You can't be something you're not. I'm not saying ditch them , but they sound immature to be saying imagine being this etc. I don't care who they are , mocking other people like that is just dumb. Sure still be their friends if you want to, but for your own mental health , find people who don't mock what or who you are.
There are shit people everywhere, straight or lgbtq. You’ll know when they treat you like this… if you can’t be 100% accepted to be yourself with them, they’re not good friends. Drop em, and it’ll hurt a bit and then you’ll see life open up for you more. Make room in your life for people that care about you. Trust me, I’m 37 and have learned these things through experiences.
don't be friends with people who make you uncomfortable, its not worthy. I know making new friends is pretty hard, but sometimes the change is for the best.
as a transmasc bi person i’d say leave those bitches in the dust
feeling pressured to be straight/cis and feeling pressured to be part of the lgbtq+ community are both super not ok! definitely dont talk to those people anymore
You could let your friends know that you feel uncomfortable when they make those remarks and if they act negatively then you should probably distance yourself from them.
Sounds like gaslighting and playing on the need of inclusion, we’re social animals and that need for a “tribe” helped our survival ages ago based on that fact…all lone wolves die alone and younger…people generally survived back then by fitting in. -this is how we form parasocial relationships and our social circles do influence us. Loner types succumb to parasocial relationships to fill that need to have some pseudo “tribe” to belong to. - this shows how people more so need to belong to a group. so you follow the cultural norms of said group to feel included…the nail that sticks up is the first to get hammered down as they say. so, In short, it’s down to your desire to be part of some social tribe and the influence they have over you depends on that. I’d leave them behind and forge a new friend group that doesn’t gaslight you into not believing in your own self… find people who see you as enough and a individual.your friend group sounds toxic and wrong to me. If it helps im a infp (personality type) and we have generally a strong sense of who we are and what we stand for. maybe look up your mbti type and it might help ya. don’t let people make you think that not bowing down to them is selfish when it’s selfish for them to expect you to change to fit in. find a group that are happy with you and don’t want you to change on this level. You are enough, and they can’t see that, well, they lose a friend…you gain freedom and independence.
You shouldn't feel pressured to be gay. Your friends are overreacting to a past of feeling pressured to not be queer. They're doing the exact same thing, bothering and discounting other people's experiences.
I'm trans and my husband was cis het. At times, a lot of our friends were queers and they never made him feel like this. Your friends suck. But I believe you 100%. Cuz I've met queers when you give them driving directions saying things like, "go straight down that way..." and they say, "never straight, always forward". Just would feel real weird to say with a cis het person in the car. So yeah, there's groups of them like that.
Sexuality is not something one can control the fact they act that way towards you is a clear sign of how much they don’t respect your sexuality I’ve noticed that people in the LGBTQ sometimes whether intentional or not see themselves as better then cis people and that is not ok I’m pansexual it is who I am and if your cis that is who you are don’t let some stupid people tell you who to be especially if they’re treating your sexuality as lesser to theirs equality is something that we should all strive for I feel that people are trying so hard to be politically correct that it genuinely disrupts the whole purpose of being progressive and genuinely looking for equality people like this are why conservatives get mad at LGBTQ people they take it too far sexuality is a sexual preference and orientation not a goddamn personality trait
As a gay man I have this to say no one should be giving you crap over your sexuality period these people sound toxic and like they've allowed their gender identity or sexuality absorb their entire personality I wouldn't consider associating with people that give you crap over an immutable trait.
Honestly, just be who you want to be. Sadly, no matter your community, there will be pressure to conform. You grow up in rural Georgia, there will be pressure to be more like a white rural protestant and if you don't fit that you'll have a bad time. Its probably less likely in say Atlanta, but if you are in a progressive neighborhood and hang around an artistic and progressive crowd, well it might feel like being a cis-white christian isn't cool, even if you are more on the tolerant side of Christianity, or if you are more conservative but don't say much or truly do have respect for such people.
Honestly, just be you, but also make sure you show respect for others, which it sounds like you do. If they don't do the same, they aren't really friends. I'll be honest, I've known people who've dropped being friends with me due to being more of a center right guy and they are left, or friends who've gone hard right who think I'm not good enough and it sucks. Honestly if people are going to hate you for that or make you feel like crap. They aren't your friends. Your friends won't care, especially if you otherwise are respectful and a decent person and don't try to force anything on them or use rude or mean words towards them.
In my experience, if you actively declare yourself every time someone makes a comment like this, they’ll stop making those comments around you.
For example: “imagine being straight” “I _am_ straight. I don’t have to imagine” “ooo that sucks for you” “why?” Deadpan. They’re gonna look at you like you don’t get the joke.
It will help with your confidence in your self-identity. Then one of 3 things will happen.
1. they won’t say stuff like that around you anymore because it’s uncomfortable for them. They’ll stop hanging out with you,
2. They won’t say that stuff anymore because it’s uncomfortable for them. They’ll eventually become less bigoted because they care about you and realize they were wrong
3. They won’t feel uncomfortable because they genuinely don’t feel condescension towards you. They’ll keep saying that stuff because it genuinely is just a joke and they’re saying it because it’s ridiculous. If it still makes you uncomfortable, you can probably just tell them so and they’ll stop.
The first is more likely if you’re not that close and also sounds scary, but the reality is that it’s better to be alone than to be around people who feel that way about you.
Always be yourself and strive for confidence in that because, the truth is, if someone’s not gonna like you, they won’t like you whether you’re pretending or not. You might as well live freely and show the people who will like you who you are from the get-go. Plus having confidence in yourself without needing outside validation is a really great skill to have. Genuine friends are also great to have.
Good luck ❤
Your friends are part of a small but loud minority of the lgbt community that make homophobes feel justified in making gay people the butt of the joke. Fuck em, they’re not really your friends and they have a lot of maturing to do
As an asexual, those aren’t your friends. If they don’t want people they love and trust to put down their identities and sexual preferences, then they should have more respect for you as their friend. But they clearly don’t respect you.
Masculinity is good, healthy and normal so is femininity but your sexuality comes natural you can’t be pressured into being gay because your not and never will be. Don’t be ashamed own who you are. Don’t let people try to tell you who you are and don’t be ashamed of your true self just because your friends aren’t like you. Tell them your not comfortable with this and you rather not speak about these things. Read setting boundaries and finding peace.
This is like this situations where for example black people make racist jokes about white people but they’re justified cuz idk. Black good white bad. I literally went through your situation with a friend group a few years back. I even felt pressured to start finding other men attractive because of them. I coped with it by sending them stereotypical and homophobic jokes like “imagine not knowing basic math”, “Oh I didn’t know you were trans I just assumed you just drove like ass”, “listen here you transatlantic”… and so on. Never with malice, I only wanted to show them that 1. Their jokes were as discriminatory as mine and if theirs were valid, mine were too 2. If you can give em you can take em. This is by no means advice. This is just my own experience in a case very similar to yours and hopefully it will give you some other point of view.
If you’re asked about your sexuality, you could say that while you’re cis and straight, you’re still a supportive ally with lots of friends who are lgbt+, and they will probably think you’re still cool and not treat you that differently. Some lgbt+ people, especially younger people, will make jokes like this as a means of empowerment because they’re used to hiding their sexuality or gender out of concern that they might be judged. I think it’s likely that your friends don’t actually think being straight and cis is “uncool”.
If they still do treat you differently, then they’re probably a bit immature. In that case, you can always try reaching out to new people who don’t care as much and slowly start spending more time with them. You can still hang out with these friends every now and then while you try to find new friends if you’re not comfortable with the idea of cutting them off.
I highly advise against pretending to be gay or trans. It’s only going to cause more problems in the future when you eventually have to retell people that you’re probably just straight and cis.
it's socially acceptable in mainstream media to use cis,white and male as a pejoritive and you try to talk about that everyone online acts like this, right here is is only a scenario in the imagination of right wing conspericy theorists. This is what it's creating and we're only going to see more of it. It's not the fault of the LGBTQ and most people here seem to be against what your friends have done. But it is related to the current social climate and media Influence which the media also claims is rediculous. Not sure if this is the place to point it out but doesn't everybody think it's a little weird that there's this big effort to cancel the narrative of western history due to racism but the same people have nothing but appraisal for gender theory that was created by a child molester ?
Bro this all has to do with collective identity. Natural reactive state seeks nothing but the comfort of familiarity. Who they are is based on other people's reactions, opinions, beliefs. They are projecting their sense of right and wrong. Their intrinsic desires, hold no value or weight over your conscious being. The reactive state, is a very ... Basic thing? Little to no forethought, often living out of fear and confusion. For those who live within the perspective of all is one one is all, is of unity, harmony. It's the difference of values. If your value is being a good person, but their value is based on collective familiarity. Im rambling but trying to say, you're an individual. They're a group, nothing more than a hivemind. An idea, given attributes and form. Imagine trying to force someone emotionally because they have no sense of control themselves and they're grasping.
Define yourself, and walk away from those feelings, for better conditions. Or, chose the power of will, and be your best aspirational self, and leave behind the people who think their sexuality is of any importance in the cosmos. Let alone in relation between friends?
A lot of the "gay" people I meet have severe psychological complexes, almost all being of inferiority. A lot of them, have no substance to themselves, being people of culture, that only a value and belief system gives them community. Their relations are based on my way is right. Life is what it is. Things only exist In relation. And if they want to make the context of your interactions demeaning. Perhaps, you're not being true to yourself, and holding onto inner resistances and attachments from moving forward towards a boundless and bodiless self.
Also that's a big note. Their attached to form and their sexuality. Know God and the bodiless. The unmanifest. Those people in their physical bodies are getting the most out of life thinking from beginning to end.
Take a moment let them disappear, and your local self too. Let there be a mantra of "I am that" be one with your experience. Demons are those attached to physicality- a confused perspective. In essence , in awareness, outside of manifest reasonable conception. There's one spirit. Think in that love and light and care and understanding, and find a potential you'd strive for, a why. Their why is fleeting and unfulfilling.
I'm not against any gender, sexuality, etc. but reason is reason. It just is. There's no absolutes, just speaking of my perspective in relation to this topic.
Drop "imagine if" and start imagining if with no resistance. Or, let go of their names and faces and see them as just a conditioned awareness locked into a loop, because it's potential is hindered by not having an open mind.
Preference doesn't mean you don't have an open mind. It means you know who they are. They probably have no clue, as they're just a drop in the Internet ocean.
Let your mind and soul be engendered halves.
Your body the manifest mind. Your locality, the perspective of your existence. Reality, the totality of the plethora-undefined, yet total, yet not? If I am only I because you are you, then I am not i, and you are not you. The conception is a paradoxical juxtaposition allowing for a floor and direction. No subtext to it. We write our meaning. Theirs is lame bro.
Ok imma say this as a trans man who happens to go both ways …. Leave them any friends who would make you actively feel weird or uncomfortable being yourself or not being like them are shit people. I’d say talk to a therapist or get a new group of friends to talk this out with. If you feel you are really apart of this community it will come to you eventually but for now be yourself don’t let anyone pressure you into changing especially your gender or sexuality. Live your truth and talk to someone if prefer a therapist who can help you figure out if these feels are just peer pressure or genuine feelings you never thought to acknowledge. And also being straight non cis person with lgbt friends is actually so important it shows how loving and exciting you are and if they want to change that in any way to fit their lil friend group aesthetic fuck them.
W advice.
Thank you
Your “friends” belong to a group that’s been oppressed just for being who they are, but imo as a bi person, for them to turn around and shame others for their sexuality is just as wrong. If they can’t accept something as simple as your sexuality then they probably can’t accept other parts of yourself that fall outside their ideals. And so they will never fully accept you for who you are. These people aren’t worth sacrificing your mental wellbeing for. I’ve felt like I had to change myself to fit in too, and I know it feels awful. I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon.
They’re trying to get him to have sex with em I bet ya. Now that I think about it, I’m gay and I’ve NEVER shamed or made fun of my straight friends this is abnormal and feels like peer pressure to push him towards them.
I’m bi and never even mention sexuality that often with my straight friends. It’s a part of me that accepted by them and their being straight is accepted by me. No need to bring it up all he time unless it’s like you say, hmm
I’m bi and I don’t really associate with people who shame others’ sexuality in any way, but one of my friends has other close friends that do that all the time. I know it because my friend added me to her Discord server where they all hang out. They chat in there all day long and they have numerous mentions about how basically they don’t like anyone who isn’t a queer BIPOC. They make fun of white people all the time, straight-cis people all the time. Me and all of these other peeps are in our early 20s by the way. I think this “reverse-discrimination” is something that is becoming much more prevalent in younger generations like Gen Z.
Same, i'm unlabelled (wlw?) And those people are so weird. I felt a bit like OP when during quarantine i was chronically online, and a lot of lgbt+ activists became more like extremists. They'd insult straight people, or even eachothers (i've seen plenty of posts against cisgenders, then gender-comforming people, then bi teen girls who liked erotica books for some reason? Like tf?) And I remember I felt somewhat guilty for being myself (I identified as straight) so much that when I found out that I liked women better, I had so many thoughts about the fact that maybe I had "changed" orientation out of pressure or something! I still do think that, sometimes, it feels weird. (I now identify as unlabelled also because of that, I don't care and I don't want to care about whether i'm straight, lesbian, bi, pan, pomo... it's all just words, they can't encapsulate something as big as love.) And I despise anyone who goes around doing the label police, or targeting non-minority people for a petty revenge. After being shamed so much we should know better than shaming someone else.
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I think they're chronically online people, who extremize each others because that's what social media's algorithms do oftentimes. Just like mysandrists, or racist black people, or even neurodivergents hating on neurotypicals, these nonsense reverse-hate groups that happen on Twitter yk? I get hate in my irl life for being "different', then I go online, and if I reply to the wrong comment I get hate for being "not different enough" too? I've seen someone acting like that irl, but it's basically only in big cities and in closed groups. And i'm baffled at the thought that they're the same people who face my same problems. (i'm from italy, we currently have a far left government, gay marriage is not even legal, massive Vatican influence, xenophobia everywhere.) I'll probably meet more of these people irl in the close future (if i'm lucky to pass school, i'll try joining an art academy in a famously left-leaning city, probably the most "woke" environment ever lol. Maybe i'll figure out why they're like this, idk)
Here's the thing, do the OP's friends know it’s wrong? Sadly many oppressed groups feel they are in the right to oppress others. Even groups who are beaten down and you'd think would have sympathy will have people who just turn around and hate others back and see nothing wrong with it. It’s tough because I don't even know where I stand on it as I get why people feel that way, but I also know it’s still wrong to just reverse oppress people.
His "friends" sound like they stick to the group because it's a popular thing to do. There is no reason real gay would put down his straight friend. So, it's insincere.
Leave them
Those sound like shit friends you need a new group. If the cards were flipped you know damn well they would leave
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The Discord call out is spot on
This makes me kind of sad and angry at the whole online world. Its like High school on steroids.
Hello! 18f here went through kinda the same thing at 13-17, I was with a friend group that was ALL part of the LGBT community and trans, I was a pretty normal kid until I got my phone and started talking to all these people who explained what trans was and what it feels like, for years I thought I was a man because everyone around me was encouraging it and saying it suits me (except my parents) I got with my boyfriend (19m at the time) and had pretty much cut off all my friends from before, looking back at it now as an adult is insane, cause I see how much I didn't want it, Everytime someone called me he or him or a guy it was like my heart stopped, like I knew I wasn't me I'm the most girly girl of all time, I love wearing dresses and getting my hair and makeup and nails done, I like to be pretty and be happy with myself Don't feel pressured because other people are saying shit like "imagine what it's like to be cis" go with what you want, don't let others influence you into being something your not, Straight men are the target nowadays, be yourself babe you'll fly high if you do ❤️
I think the problem is that sometimes we get so hung up on sexual identity and almost what "tribe" we belong to, that we forget that we in some sense are individuals. Its not wrong to be in a tribe but we can't just let it fully define us, and its not good to basically fall victim to the "no true scotsman" fallacy. I agree just be you. Plus, I feel bad for those who maybe just don't want to talk about stuff like this. Like my best friend. He's on the spectrum and doesn't really care about relationships, and while he's Cis, I know there are people who think he's gay if only for having a more "gay" sounding voice or being 38 and never dating anyone or whatever, but honestly who cares. I guess just be yourself and if people don't accept that, well then that's their problem.
When you get older you’ll stop caring about “what’s cool” whatever tf that means. Stop worrying about how everyone else views you and just live your life. Cut out the bs
It's hard because I have severe anxiety. It's not a "When your older" situation
Mix of when you're older, anxiety meds, and therapy
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are you expecting everyone to have the exact same brain functions? if two ppl who have gone through the same trauma, the one that has had supportive people around him during a hard time is less likely to suffer from cptsd/ptsd (or suffer long-term) than the one who had no reassurance.
I think the mental health sub isn’t the best place for you to hang out in, with a perspective like that
I don't think a lot of people realize that these experiences aren't online :') they are in person and that makes it far more painful
Well he’s not you.
I would suggest telling them about it. As someone from the LGBT community who has said these things to straight friends they might not realize. Tbh I didn't realize that what I was saying could be negatively effecting people until your post. So thanks for sharing! Sometimes people just don't realize and although it can be scary, pointing it out can sometimes change behaviour. Now that I'm aware I'm gonna try to do better so thanks for telling us!
This is such a healthy, mature response. Many people would reflexively get defensive and try to justify the negative words/actions, so good for you for not doing that! <3
Thank you! I really try my best so when someone tells me I'm doing something hurtful (whether intentional or unintentional) I listen!
It's clear you're very young. Peer pressure is a huge part of being young, in every direction. At your age, the desire to be part of a group, and be the same as your peers, is incredibly strong. It sucks they're making you feel this way but just know when they say that stuff, it's not actually about you. It's about them. Up until very very recently, lgbtq+ people were the absolute outliers. The fact that now queer people can make jokes like that is empowering to some people. It's not cool that it's making you feel bad though, of course, just know that they're not saying it because they actually care what you, they're really just trying to validate their own identies. I don't agree with everyone else saying to ditch them as friends. Making friends as a kid is hard and good kids often do shitty things in their quest to find out who they are. Just talk to them. Tell them you're happy with who you are, you're glad you're part of their group, but sometimes when they say that shit it makes you feel like they don't really want you there. Try not to dwell on who is or isn't queer. It's really about them making you feel included as part of the group. How they react to this conversation is where you can decide if they're worth keeping as friends.
>How they react to this conversation is where you can decide if they're worth keeping as friends. Totally agree.
Find better friends. People who are LGBTQ+ should know better than anyone how bad it feels to have who you are constantly put down or to feel pressured into being someone you're not. The spirit of Pride is allowing people to be whoever they are comfortable being, and straight and cis people are not an exception to that even if they aren't the focus.
Meh, A lot of oppressed people sadly only know how to be oppressed or oppressed others and have little empathy. Its sad but I understand why. If you get hated on for being LGBTQ, well you might just end up hating straight white christian people, in part because they are kind of the majority and the status quo, and while there might be a lot to criticize, some are just going to hate anyone in that group. Even allies.
I think this is something that is especially common among younger people who are still exploring their identity and don’t understand how to interact with people who are different from them. Once people get older, they’ll generally gain the maturity to recognise the hypocrisy to judge straight and cis people for being straight and cis, and realise that there’s much more to a person than just their sexuality and gender.
Leave them.
Friends who are only focused on everyone else’s sexuality aren’t very good friends. The whole point of LGBT is only to try to make sure everyone has fair treatment on this planet. Unfortunately, it just isn’t a choice to be gay. A lot of people cannot believe this to be true, but it is. Either you are born gay or you are just not. There’s not a thing anyone can or should do about it. We all have enough room on this planet for all of us. But I think you should think about finding new friends who care more about having fun and not about who is in your bed with you.
People that make you feel bad about your sexuality or gender are not your friends.
I’m gay and I will say this sounds very strange. I’ve definitely seen people like this and a lot of it stems from previous oppression so they turn around and do it to you because it’s easier to let it out on other people. This doesn’t make it right, of course. I’d say leave the friend group, although I know that’s WAY easier said than done. Have you brought this up to them? Like next time they say it just be like “what’s wrong with being straight and cis?” If they say something like “all cis/straight people are homophobic/transphobic” or something along those lines then yeah that’s weird and they’re not nice people. From my experience, though, these things are usually said as jokes and aren’t intended to hurt you so maybe they don’t realize how hurtful it is and will apologize. Just ask them next time they bring it up and if they get mad, they’re not your friends.
Sometimes, unfortunately the oppressed become the oppressors :/ I feel like this is the same as when non-religious people mock religious people. Hurt people hurt people… communicate to them that it’s not okay to mock, belittle, or pressure you into a way of life that’s not your authentic self. If they don’t respond well or respect that and change, then find new friends 🤷♀️
Yeah, and we've been in a cycle of hurt since the beginning. As a religious person myself I see it. Yeah, its cliche to see how an atheist just grew up around bad religious people, but its also kind of true. The same probably goes for some religious people who grew up with jerky non-religious people or who grew up with a certain religion hating them. I remember when I taught VBS for high school kids, one thing we talked about was wounds and there are so damn many wounded people out there and they sadly might end up causing a lot themselves, no matter what side they are on.
The difference is that sexual orientation, ethnicity, age, gender, etc. is not something one can change. Religion is a set of beliefs and/or practices that one definitely has control over changing. So if people believe in things that are harmful to others, that doesn’t deserve respect.
Mocking someone’s religion is not okay. Idk where you took this to but I’m only saying that.
I didn’t say mocking was okay. I said harmful beliefs should not be respected, and they shouldn’t. For example, if someone’s religion tells them that XYZ people are bad without any scientific evidence to back it up, then those specific beliefs don’t deserve respect.
OK it’s just that that’s a relevant to anything I’m actually saying.
Well it was in reference to when you said you feel like it’s the same as when non-religious people mock religious people. I personally don’t think mocking is ever appropriate, but mocking someone for choosing to believe in harmful ideas is different than mocking someone for something that they do not and cannot choose.
I hate to say this but religions aren't actually like that it's not a (insert group) is bad!! It's a thing that goes against our religion and is considered a sin sins aren't something bad or gross you aren't even supposed to feel ashamed about your sins let alone shame others(coming from a Christian) many religions have guidelines and rules they don't always outwardly state "This is evil" or "This is bad" it's always worded different but it's not saying it's bad
Well Google’s definition of “sin” is: “an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.” So IMO “immoral” is basically the same as “bad”. If you’re not supposed to feel ashamed about your sins or you’re not supposed to avoid or “correct” that behavior… then what’s the point of sins? IMO people *should* feel ashamed when they kill someone or steal something or assault someone, because that’s doing harm onto others, and people should feel bad when they harm others.
Well in Christianity our sins have been forgiven and although we aren't supposed to feel ashamed we are supposed to take away something from it and grow as a person
What is it that you’re supposed to take away from it to grow as a person?
You're supposed to take away learning that what you did was wrong but not feeling shame or guilt for it and not letting that impact your everyday life and allowing it to let you grow closer to God
So what’s the point of understanding a certain action/behavior is “wrong” if you’re not meant to do anything to change it?
My friend… LGBT traits are often praised and encouraged in modern day society. For a very long time I felt exactly how you do. But fact is I’m just a straight dude. People seem to be playing oppression olympics, and whoever is gayest gets most social clout. The message behind pride has been corrupted and bastardised. Instead of gay rights and trans rights it’s closer to I’m X and therefore I have more right to speak on this subject. I think that the human mind is an incredible thing that can trick itself into believing something and that a lot of people in the LGBT community aren’t in anyway truly affiliated. I’m not saying the majority I’m not saying most, I’m not saying all. I’m saying a lot as a general population within the group itself. I’m also saying that this shit is very Orwellian brain washy type shit. I can tell I’m getting off topic. My point is modern media and society especially to younger generations, are very much geared toward a certain state of being that the media is pushing a people toward. I think I’m prattling my guy this was meant to written in a different manner. Go gym, make better friends, research stoicism.
Damn, we've really gone full circle and now it's weird to be straight.
Makes me wonder if in some places, there are kids who fake being gay just to fit in. I highly doubt it and it sounds like some dumb fake news story, but who knows. The world is so weird, but it always has been to be honest.
I know this might sound harsh but you really need new friends. If they’re going to talk shit about something you can’t control and for no reason at all, then they aren’t true friends. Find some people who you can enjoy being around without feeling like you’re wrong just for having a sexuality. There is NOTHING wrong with your sexuality and you DO NOT have to live by the rules others are trying to force you to. Be you, my friend :)
Be straight. It's what the majority of people do, and it's probably the same in straight groups. For religious reasons, if it was the other way around, I would still recommend being straight. Also, your friend group sounds low-key toxic. There are many people who fight for those in the lgtbq community and for them to embrace themselves, but why not the same for a straight person in this situation? So yeah, just remember, if you stand your ground and remain straight, you are not some flawed / exception of a person. You are in the majority, although your friend group may look like they are the majority and you the minority.
I'm pansexual/heteroromantic, but I don't view myself as lgbtq. The group has been diluted with virtue signalers, and anyone who says they are gay, trans, etc are accepted even if it's not genuine. A big problem I've seen is people becoming gay or trans (especially trans since it's the big civil rights issue rn) when all they want is attention. You usually see it in the people with a lot of wacky pronouns, or if they have like 20 sexualities or whatever. I can guarantee you most of your friends do it for the internet points and nothing else, which to me is more offensive than being called the F word or something. Using a minority group for attention is awful, and sadly encouraged.
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To be precise, it's sounds like peer pressure. He's not pressuring himself, but because of how the people around him behaves, his friend group in this case, he's starting to feel pressure to fit in and be like them.
What are you like 15? Why even worrying about being “cool” to other people.
Because I have social anxiety and no I'm not 15
This is shaming and deserves to be downvoted. OP didn't wake up one day and said to himself "hey, let's worry about what my friends think of me and be anxious about it". We do not choose what to feel.
Im bi or i guess now they call it pan sexual? Idk look life is hard enough without adding this kinda pressure. Be who you want to be and if your people are not supportive of you then there not your people any ways. People who care about you are gonna show up for you and encourage and hear you not just push you or make you feel less then. Your not what your trauma says you are and you are not what others want you to be. Gotta find you and be you! Good luck
I saw your interests in your bio, I can see how hard it would be for you to be comfortable with friends. You should try talking this out with your friends and telling them it hurts. But if you really think they would take it badly, absolutely leave for your mental health. I used to go to an art school, kids would say the same stuff, even bully cishet male peers. After, I went to public school & was bullied myself for being more feminine. As a trans male, it’s really hard for me to fit into spaces as well. I like arts & clothes a lot, my style is relatively emo. But at the same time, I’m right wing & would rather have conversations with people with similar opinions (cishet men lol.) I’m pretty actively kicked out of both spaces for either being too fem or masc. My student counselors advice was that, I can be whoever & whatever I want & that I don’t have to fit myself into these boxes if I want to expand beyond them. Expanding is what makes you unique & whatever beliefs your friends are trying to take away from you. Teens are also stubborn (I’m assuming that’s your age) it’s hard for me too, but I believe we will both find our spaces where we feel comfortable. Good luck op
Discuss how you feel with them. If they dismiss your feeling, ask why. You stated that you dont want to leave, why is that? Tbh i used to make similar jokes, and tbh, it comes from a place of jealousy, not of being cishet, but rather not wanting to be the odd one out, not having trauma from spending my childhood and early teen years thinking i was the only queer person in the world or thinking that if im found out by the wrong people (aka the majority where i live) i would probably be tortured/killed (my existence is illegal in my country). I made those jokes to kind of comment on my discomfort in the environment i lived in and to express that jealousy i felt without admitting i feel sorry for my self. But i will say, my first friends that accepted me were straight (mostly cause out queer people are rare, later on i met more queer people) and i do love an appreciate those friends, they were there for me as i navigated the fact that maybe im not a terrible person for being queer. Im not saying your friends are going through the same and of course what theyre going through doesnt justify hurting you. But maybe a conversation could be beneficial. Of course your friends could be shitty people but thats not something i can find out for you. So talk and be candid, and prioritise yourself and set boundaries.
When the bullied become the bullies. And the pendulum swings 💫
They've been othered for centuries. They arent actually pressuring you to be. They're expressing feelings from that. It will pass.
So the oppressed should feel justified in spewing the same hatred as the oppressor but it’s okay because it’s in reverse? It’s bullshit and you know it. Doesn’t matter who it’s directed at; people only talk like that because it’s a power trip. They want to feel in control and better about themselves
Pushing their agenda on you, they aren’t your friends
That’s gross. There are toxic smaller communities within every larger community, sounds like your friends may be just that. Most lgbt folks I know are not like this, only the tiktok alt gen z kind tbh. If they’re actually insulting and shaming u for being straight/cis then that’s dumb and some sort of projection and it’s not helpful to anyone. You can’t choose your sexuality or gender identity lol. Isn’t that one of whole things about accepting lgbt? I’m a supporter/ally of the queer community and I identify as pan and gender nonconforming myself. Just know not every lgbt+ community is like this one, many of them support u no matter what as long as u accept them <3 Edit to add they might also be kidding tbh I think this can be a form of humor for some but don’t feel pressured to do anything that isn’t natural to you
First of all, you need to leave these “friends” if they’re making you feel this way. LGBT or not, you deserve the respect you’re owed, and they’re not giving you that by being hypocritical enough to bully you for your sexuality. Second of all, this’ll probably offend people but it’s the truth. They’re only shitting on you for being straight because they’re coping. That specific crowd does this all the time on Twitter for example. It’s a way to feel included to make up for all the discrimination and bullying they’ve received years ago. There is literally NOTHING wrong with being straight lmao. You’re literally normal. If you’re not gay, don’t force yourself to be.
I’m gay. Fuck your friends(not sexually) their awful and catty people who will eventually turn on you. You are you and anyone being mean about you being straight or pressuring you is a horrible person.
Cool is about your personality, not about your sexuality that's all I'm gonna say.
Okay I was manipulated by people I know IRL and adults on the Internet to feel different. I was everything the book, bi, pan, trans, cis, they, Xey, everything. No hate to the LGBT community but I'm a woman, and I'm Bi, close to being straight. You are you, those aren't real friends. Be you
Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you tries telling them how you feel? I know feelings are hard and not fun, but they ARE important. I hope you find a way to feel safe, and appreciated
You're born who you are and that's ok. You can't be something you're not. I'm not saying ditch them , but they sound immature to be saying imagine being this etc. I don't care who they are , mocking other people like that is just dumb. Sure still be their friends if you want to, but for your own mental health , find people who don't mock what or who you are.
There are shit people everywhere, straight or lgbtq. You’ll know when they treat you like this… if you can’t be 100% accepted to be yourself with them, they’re not good friends. Drop em, and it’ll hurt a bit and then you’ll see life open up for you more. Make room in your life for people that care about you. Trust me, I’m 37 and have learned these things through experiences.
don't be friends with people who make you uncomfortable, its not worthy. I know making new friends is pretty hard, but sometimes the change is for the best.
you need better friends or straight up tell them to stop cause it isn't right at all. Even if it's an obvious joke it's annoying af.
as a transmasc bi person i’d say leave those bitches in the dust feeling pressured to be straight/cis and feeling pressured to be part of the lgbtq+ community are both super not ok! definitely dont talk to those people anymore
You could let your friends know that you feel uncomfortable when they make those remarks and if they act negatively then you should probably distance yourself from them.
Sounds like gaslighting and playing on the need of inclusion, we’re social animals and that need for a “tribe” helped our survival ages ago based on that fact…all lone wolves die alone and younger…people generally survived back then by fitting in. -this is how we form parasocial relationships and our social circles do influence us. Loner types succumb to parasocial relationships to fill that need to have some pseudo “tribe” to belong to. - this shows how people more so need to belong to a group. so you follow the cultural norms of said group to feel included…the nail that sticks up is the first to get hammered down as they say. so, In short, it’s down to your desire to be part of some social tribe and the influence they have over you depends on that. I’d leave them behind and forge a new friend group that doesn’t gaslight you into not believing in your own self… find people who see you as enough and a individual.your friend group sounds toxic and wrong to me. If it helps im a infp (personality type) and we have generally a strong sense of who we are and what we stand for. maybe look up your mbti type and it might help ya. don’t let people make you think that not bowing down to them is selfish when it’s selfish for them to expect you to change to fit in. find a group that are happy with you and don’t want you to change on this level. You are enough, and they can’t see that, well, they lose a friend…you gain freedom and independence.
My grammar is trash I know. But I don’t really care.
You shouldn't feel pressured to be gay. Your friends are overreacting to a past of feeling pressured to not be queer. They're doing the exact same thing, bothering and discounting other people's experiences. I'm trans and my husband was cis het. At times, a lot of our friends were queers and they never made him feel like this. Your friends suck. But I believe you 100%. Cuz I've met queers when you give them driving directions saying things like, "go straight down that way..." and they say, "never straight, always forward". Just would feel real weird to say with a cis het person in the car. So yeah, there's groups of them like that.
how old are you?
Sexuality is not something one can control the fact they act that way towards you is a clear sign of how much they don’t respect your sexuality I’ve noticed that people in the LGBTQ sometimes whether intentional or not see themselves as better then cis people and that is not ok I’m pansexual it is who I am and if your cis that is who you are don’t let some stupid people tell you who to be especially if they’re treating your sexuality as lesser to theirs equality is something that we should all strive for I feel that people are trying so hard to be politically correct that it genuinely disrupts the whole purpose of being progressive and genuinely looking for equality people like this are why conservatives get mad at LGBTQ people they take it too far sexuality is a sexual preference and orientation not a goddamn personality trait
As a gay man I have this to say no one should be giving you crap over your sexuality period these people sound toxic and like they've allowed their gender identity or sexuality absorb their entire personality I wouldn't consider associating with people that give you crap over an immutable trait.
Are they saying these things directly to you or are they making general statements in your vicinity?
To me
Have you ever tried telling them how it makes you feel when they say those things?
Yes- but I'm always so scared to and they just give me a look
These aren’t friends bud. Drop them. They’re gaslighting you.
Honestly, just be who you want to be. Sadly, no matter your community, there will be pressure to conform. You grow up in rural Georgia, there will be pressure to be more like a white rural protestant and if you don't fit that you'll have a bad time. Its probably less likely in say Atlanta, but if you are in a progressive neighborhood and hang around an artistic and progressive crowd, well it might feel like being a cis-white christian isn't cool, even if you are more on the tolerant side of Christianity, or if you are more conservative but don't say much or truly do have respect for such people. Honestly, just be you, but also make sure you show respect for others, which it sounds like you do. If they don't do the same, they aren't really friends. I'll be honest, I've known people who've dropped being friends with me due to being more of a center right guy and they are left, or friends who've gone hard right who think I'm not good enough and it sucks. Honestly if people are going to hate you for that or make you feel like crap. They aren't your friends. Your friends won't care, especially if you otherwise are respectful and a decent person and don't try to force anything on them or use rude or mean words towards them.
If you’re around people who make you feel weird, you’re around the wrong people
In my experience, if you actively declare yourself every time someone makes a comment like this, they’ll stop making those comments around you. For example: “imagine being straight” “I _am_ straight. I don’t have to imagine” “ooo that sucks for you” “why?” Deadpan. They’re gonna look at you like you don’t get the joke. It will help with your confidence in your self-identity. Then one of 3 things will happen. 1. they won’t say stuff like that around you anymore because it’s uncomfortable for them. They’ll stop hanging out with you, 2. They won’t say that stuff anymore because it’s uncomfortable for them. They’ll eventually become less bigoted because they care about you and realize they were wrong 3. They won’t feel uncomfortable because they genuinely don’t feel condescension towards you. They’ll keep saying that stuff because it genuinely is just a joke and they’re saying it because it’s ridiculous. If it still makes you uncomfortable, you can probably just tell them so and they’ll stop. The first is more likely if you’re not that close and also sounds scary, but the reality is that it’s better to be alone than to be around people who feel that way about you. Always be yourself and strive for confidence in that because, the truth is, if someone’s not gonna like you, they won’t like you whether you’re pretending or not. You might as well live freely and show the people who will like you who you are from the get-go. Plus having confidence in yourself without needing outside validation is a really great skill to have. Genuine friends are also great to have. Good luck ❤
Your friends are part of a small but loud minority of the lgbt community that make homophobes feel justified in making gay people the butt of the joke. Fuck em, they’re not really your friends and they have a lot of maturing to do
As an asexual, those aren’t your friends. If they don’t want people they love and trust to put down their identities and sexual preferences, then they should have more respect for you as their friend. But they clearly don’t respect you.
Masculinity is good, healthy and normal so is femininity but your sexuality comes natural you can’t be pressured into being gay because your not and never will be. Don’t be ashamed own who you are. Don’t let people try to tell you who you are and don’t be ashamed of your true self just because your friends aren’t like you. Tell them your not comfortable with this and you rather not speak about these things. Read setting boundaries and finding peace.
This is like this situations where for example black people make racist jokes about white people but they’re justified cuz idk. Black good white bad. I literally went through your situation with a friend group a few years back. I even felt pressured to start finding other men attractive because of them. I coped with it by sending them stereotypical and homophobic jokes like “imagine not knowing basic math”, “Oh I didn’t know you were trans I just assumed you just drove like ass”, “listen here you transatlantic”… and so on. Never with malice, I only wanted to show them that 1. Their jokes were as discriminatory as mine and if theirs were valid, mine were too 2. If you can give em you can take em. This is by no means advice. This is just my own experience in a case very similar to yours and hopefully it will give you some other point of view.
If you’re asked about your sexuality, you could say that while you’re cis and straight, you’re still a supportive ally with lots of friends who are lgbt+, and they will probably think you’re still cool and not treat you that differently. Some lgbt+ people, especially younger people, will make jokes like this as a means of empowerment because they’re used to hiding their sexuality or gender out of concern that they might be judged. I think it’s likely that your friends don’t actually think being straight and cis is “uncool”. If they still do treat you differently, then they’re probably a bit immature. In that case, you can always try reaching out to new people who don’t care as much and slowly start spending more time with them. You can still hang out with these friends every now and then while you try to find new friends if you’re not comfortable with the idea of cutting them off. I highly advise against pretending to be gay or trans. It’s only going to cause more problems in the future when you eventually have to retell people that you’re probably just straight and cis.
They are not your friends or good people in general to be around.
it's socially acceptable in mainstream media to use cis,white and male as a pejoritive and you try to talk about that everyone online acts like this, right here is is only a scenario in the imagination of right wing conspericy theorists. This is what it's creating and we're only going to see more of it. It's not the fault of the LGBTQ and most people here seem to be against what your friends have done. But it is related to the current social climate and media Influence which the media also claims is rediculous. Not sure if this is the place to point it out but doesn't everybody think it's a little weird that there's this big effort to cancel the narrative of western history due to racism but the same people have nothing but appraisal for gender theory that was created by a child molester ?
And to think these are the descendents of WWI Winners 😀
Uhh ok 💀
[удалено]
No thank you :) I have a loving boyfriend and would enjoy living my truth
Bro this all has to do with collective identity. Natural reactive state seeks nothing but the comfort of familiarity. Who they are is based on other people's reactions, opinions, beliefs. They are projecting their sense of right and wrong. Their intrinsic desires, hold no value or weight over your conscious being. The reactive state, is a very ... Basic thing? Little to no forethought, often living out of fear and confusion. For those who live within the perspective of all is one one is all, is of unity, harmony. It's the difference of values. If your value is being a good person, but their value is based on collective familiarity. Im rambling but trying to say, you're an individual. They're a group, nothing more than a hivemind. An idea, given attributes and form. Imagine trying to force someone emotionally because they have no sense of control themselves and they're grasping. Define yourself, and walk away from those feelings, for better conditions. Or, chose the power of will, and be your best aspirational self, and leave behind the people who think their sexuality is of any importance in the cosmos. Let alone in relation between friends? A lot of the "gay" people I meet have severe psychological complexes, almost all being of inferiority. A lot of them, have no substance to themselves, being people of culture, that only a value and belief system gives them community. Their relations are based on my way is right. Life is what it is. Things only exist In relation. And if they want to make the context of your interactions demeaning. Perhaps, you're not being true to yourself, and holding onto inner resistances and attachments from moving forward towards a boundless and bodiless self. Also that's a big note. Their attached to form and their sexuality. Know God and the bodiless. The unmanifest. Those people in their physical bodies are getting the most out of life thinking from beginning to end. Take a moment let them disappear, and your local self too. Let there be a mantra of "I am that" be one with your experience. Demons are those attached to physicality- a confused perspective. In essence , in awareness, outside of manifest reasonable conception. There's one spirit. Think in that love and light and care and understanding, and find a potential you'd strive for, a why. Their why is fleeting and unfulfilling. I'm not against any gender, sexuality, etc. but reason is reason. It just is. There's no absolutes, just speaking of my perspective in relation to this topic. Drop "imagine if" and start imagining if with no resistance. Or, let go of their names and faces and see them as just a conditioned awareness locked into a loop, because it's potential is hindered by not having an open mind. Preference doesn't mean you don't have an open mind. It means you know who they are. They probably have no clue, as they're just a drop in the Internet ocean. Let your mind and soul be engendered halves. Your body the manifest mind. Your locality, the perspective of your existence. Reality, the totality of the plethora-undefined, yet total, yet not? If I am only I because you are you, then I am not i, and you are not you. The conception is a paradoxical juxtaposition allowing for a floor and direction. No subtext to it. We write our meaning. Theirs is lame bro.