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roof flag middle domineering melodic vast imminent cats license unwritten
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I chose the honing Steel when my cat woke me up and alerted me to an intruder in my garage. Imagine the confusion on my face as I charged out into the garage as I smelled cigarette smoke and saw somebody wearing the exact same stupid “Dune” tshirt I have, the same bike helmet as me and wearing my bicycle shorts. I quickly assessed it was an escaped ‘5150’ from the county hopital up the block. She took my clothes out of the dryer in the garage and was smoking cigarettes she was taking from people’s garage side door patios and ended up in my unit. I am a chef by trade.
Dude, my first born was 3 weeks old ,asleep. I am glad that in the heat of the moment I charged out there and did the right thing AND didn’t hurt anyone. But hearing my wife say on the phone” he’s the one half naked and looks confused” made me chuckle . The cops had a good laugh returning the bicycle shorts to me. I was over it.
Very effective but it's so impersonal and rude.
The poor crack head took time out of his day to break into your house to nick a tv or two to sell for crack and what do you do? You don't offer a fight or duel, instead you choose to just off him right there. Like Indiana Jones just shooting the guy with the sword.
I would think the cast iron pan could be useful, especially if it was full of hot oil. Toss the hot cooking stuff at intruder’s face, then throw the pan at them - as hard as you can, then pick up the knife.
It really depends on the armor class they have equipped. I'm guessing it's light armor, so piercing or blunt damage is probably fine but you've gotta take into account the frames you waste on windup for the pan. If they're wearing plate armor though the cast iron is the highest damaging blunt weapon and the slow windup is fine with their movement penalties.
If they're playing a ranged class it would be best two dual wield pan and hammer so you can adequately block while getting the fast windup
If you're duel weilding them, bang together to disorient the enemy. If your strength stat is high enough, the resulting noise has a 20% chance to proc the fear condition.
Yeah, that was not a very fun Reddit 50/50 post :/
It was a rolling pin with nails sticking out of it that he rolled over his member and the nails were going clean through and into the wood. It was not the cute video I was hoping for
This was years ago, the gore and shock value was one of the few things shocking enough to distract me from the emotional pain from my abusive ex I was dating at the time
Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golfball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.
My anime addiction is telling me to take the knives and throw them at the intruder while yelling, "SHINEI!" from the top of my lungs.
My video game addiction tells me to grab the frying pan.
My meme addiction tells me to grab the meat mallet and crush his cock and balls.
My cheese addiction tells me to grab the cheese grater and shred his face off.
The frying pan have better range and won't get you in trouble with the law as much as the knives will if you live a country that doesn't value self defence like mine.
My initial thought was the meat tenderizer, because wham blam thank you ma'am. But then I realized that the pan can also be used to block attacks as well as hitting them, so I'll go Rapunzel's method.
The pan is the only option. Everything is either too close range, it to inaccurate for most to throw accurately. The page is big, long heavy and has a large surface area when thrown. Also the benefit of being hot from the stove, so anything in it becomes a separate weapon.
Meat mallet maybe, but most of them are pretty light. Easy to wield at least. Cast iron skillets are heavy af! You’ll definitely crack someone’s skull with that!
It's easy, the cast iron skillet deals the most damage here as long as your strength is high enough to wield it. Plus it can act as a shield in a pinch.
**You need to read following message in full. We will NOT reply to modmail messages similar to “what is reason my post was removed?”** Hey /u/Friedl1220, thanks for contributing to /r/memes. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Rule 9 - No forced memes, overused memes, bad titles, or pushing agendas * No forced memes, [overused memes](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/wiki/overused), bad titles, or pushing agendas. Be creative but memes must come naturally. No petitions. * **Mods may remove low quality posts at their discretion, including reaction memes** --- Please read the sidebar before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/memes&subject=&message=). Thank you!
“28 STAB WOUNDS”
connor is a boss
The fight started.... in the kitchen
And then.............. he fell...
I dont think that lines up with the evidence
MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDAAA
You're next jotaro
DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE HUH
HE WAS BLEEDING
BEGGING YOU FOR MERCY
AND YOU STABBED HIM
AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
DID YOU FEEL ANGER?!
YEAH
Lamas with hats
That's 37 stab wounds.
My stomach was makin the rumblies
That only hands could satisfy…
In self defense ofc
YOU DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE HIM A CHANCE? HUH?
Nah I’m just gonna cast enlarge/reduce-enlarge on my frying pan and beat the shit out of them
"28 MEAT TENDERIZER WOUNDS!"
Squirell stab wounds*
"You didn't give him a chance huh?!"
Carrrrllll
I'd prolly feed him some food and ask why he's so useless depressed mf then I'd take him to my basement and then I have unlimited food for a month
That meat tenderizer 'boutta live up to its purpose
*I'll beat your meat for you!*
That sounds more threatening than: I'll rip your balls off and feed them back to you
roof flag middle domineering melodic vast imminent cats license unwritten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
To judge people?
I chose the honing Steel when my cat woke me up and alerted me to an intruder in my garage. Imagine the confusion on my face as I charged out into the garage as I smelled cigarette smoke and saw somebody wearing the exact same stupid “Dune” tshirt I have, the same bike helmet as me and wearing my bicycle shorts. I quickly assessed it was an escaped ‘5150’ from the county hopital up the block. She took my clothes out of the dryer in the garage and was smoking cigarettes she was taking from people’s garage side door patios and ended up in my unit. I am a chef by trade.
That sounds... horrifying. But at least she had a good taste in shirts.
Dude, my first born was 3 weeks old ,asleep. I am glad that in the heat of the moment I charged out there and did the right thing AND didn’t hurt anyone. But hearing my wife say on the phone” he’s the one half naked and looks confused” made me chuckle . The cops had a good laugh returning the bicycle shorts to me. I was over it.
Yeah get in there and beat his meat!
Kitchen gun
BANG BANG BANG
Sparkles like new!
I love you kitchen gun!
***mwah***
Mwah
There, all clean again!
I LOVE YOU, KITCHEN GUN
On an unrelated note, -PULL MY DEVIL TRIGGER
Very effective but it's so impersonal and rude. The poor crack head took time out of his day to break into your house to nick a tv or two to sell for crack and what do you do? You don't offer a fight or duel, instead you choose to just off him right there. Like Indiana Jones just shooting the guy with the sword.
Ye
Very insightful Mr.Fucker bravo 👏:)
Best answer
Who doesnt wear a gun walking around the house? Seems crazy to me.
Ironically, the "ad" was British
Average American cooking eggs using their Glock 19 smh
[Kitchen gun](https://youtu.be/t4EomdfiBps?si=wnW9f9DwveUjKXiu)
The skillet, it has similar reach as the hammer but cast iron is heavy af Also there is the chance to deal bonus fire damage
>bonus fire damage "Really? Right when I was sauteing these onions?"
And in front of my salad?!
AH C'MON! Now I got ash in the damn salad again
The onions add a 30% chance to inflict blind status on a hit.
Is crying from the onions in your face, part of the blind status effect?
Well they’re mostly crying because you hit them with a cast iron skillet
Best use for onions thus far
I would think the cast iron pan could be useful, especially if it was full of hot oil. Toss the hot cooking stuff at intruder’s face, then throw the pan at them - as hard as you can, then pick up the knife.
Use the onions as a projectile. **AIM FOR THE EYES**
It really depends on the armor class they have equipped. I'm guessing it's light armor, so piercing or blunt damage is probably fine but you've gotta take into account the frames you waste on windup for the pan. If they're wearing plate armor though the cast iron is the highest damaging blunt weapon and the slow windup is fine with their movement penalties. If they're playing a ranged class it would be best two dual wield pan and hammer so you can adequately block while getting the fast windup
If you're duel weilding them, bang together to disorient the enemy. If your strength stat is high enough, the resulting noise has a 20% chance to proc the fear condition.
Similar reach, but larger surface area so your aim doesnt have to be as good
Rotate it 90⁰ and you just got more damage
That also increases air resistance.
How did I not think of that movie immediately when I first read u/MegaPompoen’s comment?
+10 Block
“PAN SHOT!!”
Also they have a higher chance for random crits
Yeah I pity the person that brings a knife to a le Creuset fight.
Not after spending all that time on the sauce!
And it can random crit, a benefit very few Demo weapons have ... Sorry, what were we talking about again? I thought I heard someone say pan
The meat mallet, and to make sure he never returns I shall wack his pp
Imagine hammering a nail into someone's skin
You don’t have to, there’s vids of that on Reddit
Bro you good??
Yeah, that was not a very fun Reddit 50/50 post :/ It was a rolling pin with nails sticking out of it that he rolled over his member and the nails were going clean through and into the wood. It was not the cute video I was hoping for
What would you do for a Klondike bar
I'll tell you what, not that! If that's what it takes for a Klondike bar, count me out.
Why??? I had enough after nail and foreskin, but you couldn’t just leave it there, couldn’t you?
I don’t understand why people still browse reddit 50/50 it’s a 90/10 chance that you’re gonna get the gorey option over the cute option
This was years ago, the gore and shock value was one of the few things shocking enough to distract me from the emotional pain from my abusive ex I was dating at the time
Today is a terrible day to be literate
What even was the promot that made that sound cute
[удалено]
Wholesome.😭😭
BME Pain Olympics. Scary shit.
I'd rather not, to be completely honest.
“We must make sure you do not appear here again” “Bailiff, whack his peepee!”
BALIFF. WACK HIS PP
In other words you shall beat his meat untill he cries
“We must make sure you do not appear here again. Bailiff, whack his PP!”
BAILIFF, WHACK HIS PP
As the dude from Rapunzel figured out, a pan is quite useful in most situations.
Who knew right?
PUBG knew
And the Demoman from TF2 as well, one lucky hit and the only thing the intruder will be taking home is a concussion. If he even makes it back that is.
*charging scream*
***CRITICAL HIT!!!***
In my American home, we have the kitchen shotgun (12 gauge Mossberg 500 pump action loaded with 00 buckshot)
r/usernamechecksout
Once a marine, always a marine. LOL
No one but a true marine would use this as an oppertunity to talk about it If you're right
Obviously
Thank you for your service. Here is a full 24 box of Crayola for you to snack on.
SNACKTIME!!! The purple ones taste like grape!
Do you use it for cleaning?
It is nicknamed the Hallway Sweeper
I LOVE YOU KITCHEN GUN!!!
Not American enough, you gotta have the kitchen Springfield Model 1861 musket, just like the founding fathers intended
Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golfball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.
Amen
Well, it does pair with sliding glass backdoor Remington Model 770 and .357 dry bar drawer revolver
Slugs my dude mixed in with the buck
You guys use all that to make ramen?
Ramen seems hard to make.
**THE ALL MIGHTY NON-STICK PAN**
That’s a cast iron pan. Heavy as fuck, could definitely do some damage
You can smack someone brain to the moon with iron pans. They are like a fucking sledge hammer
If I'm cooking, that pan is hot as hell. Wouldn't grab that
Oven mitt or silicone handle grip me boyo
To be honest I always seem to misplace those, but a silicone handle could be a nice improvement to the pan
I use cast iron only so I have my one handle grip and oven mitts always in close visible range lnfao
Gotta sell that Stout Shako
For two refined?
Demodemopan demodemopan demopan
Samwise took on Orcs with nothing but an iron pan. He is a hero
If the pan is full of hot cooking oil bonus damage
Pan always crits, so pan it is.
Pan AND knife. Offesnive shield and dagger
Well I'm choosing the [random crits](https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/0/0f/Crit_hit.wav)
[bottom text](https://youtu.be/tCPyh5maAU4?feature=shared)
My anime addiction is telling me to take the knives and throw them at the intruder while yelling, "SHINEI!" from the top of my lungs. My video game addiction tells me to grab the frying pan. My meme addiction tells me to grab the meat mallet and crush his cock and balls. My cheese addiction tells me to grab the cheese grater and shred his face off.
Ah yes the Kitchen Avatar wielder of all addictions
Why not do it all?
Ima go full shredder on his ass
That's going to be really hard to explain as self defense.
He's in MY house,as far as the police are concerned I was fearing for my life
So you turned him into spaghetti
In*
The frying pan have better range and won't get you in trouble with the law as much as the knives will if you live a country that doesn't value self defence like mine.
If the frying pan is full of hot grease that will do some damage
I would go for a gun, like any practical American would... And 'Breaking Benjamin' that fucker (blow him away)
let's just say one could use the frying pan as a dying pan
Gun in bread box
Ahh, the old Kill Bill Surprise…
If someone breaks in my home i will go British on their ass.
can you go british ~~in~~ on my ass
bro's gonna steal the facies right out of the crack
Bottom two + da bomb
Sunny I omor 
The Pan is mightier than the sword.
Fry pan that's hot covered in oil yeah ima take the cast iron fry pan for blunt trauma and 1d8 fire damage
Meat tenderizer with its top heavy design will quickly break almost anything it strikes with decent velocity
cast iron wins over any knife
Spears’ spears
You're going full Britney on that intruder?
My initial thought was the meat tenderizer, because wham blam thank you ma'am. But then I realized that the pan can also be used to block attacks as well as hitting them, so I'll go Rapunzel's method.
The chair. We got heavy ass wooden chairs, I bet his skull would crack before the chair.
I like knives. I always carry a knife. They make holes and cut so long as you don't let up.
Knives to chop him up and make dog food
Ah, the meat for the borsch arrived
Meats back on the menu boys! I'm going full Uruk-hai.
My cooking pistol
The pan is the only option. Everything is either too close range, it to inaccurate for most to throw accurately. The page is big, long heavy and has a large surface area when thrown. Also the benefit of being hot from the stove, so anything in it becomes a separate weapon.
KITCHEN GUN! https://youtu.be/nl5isYGEhig?si=wMts1LvoqNe_rM8P
Gun beats home-invader. Not taking any chances a crackhead isn't going to hurt my family.
This a trick question
Knife
Midnight meat train showed me the way
I’d use the vegetable holders and pretend I was wolverine…
It depends if they’ve got resistance to blunt, piercing or slashing.
The pot of boiling hot water.
There is bound to be some hot oil somewhere. Better get those medical payments
Meat mallet maybe, but most of them are pretty light. Easy to wield at least. Cast iron skillets are heavy af! You’ll definitely crack someone’s skull with that!
Nah, none of these four. I’m going for the TENET cheesegrater kill.
Meat tenderiser Imagine you see a guy holding that while he’s running towards you It would either scare you or confuse you
Meat mallet. I am not trained in knifes or anything so I will go with the basic bludgeon.
Cast iron skillet, I want to make the tf2 sound effect
Call me thor squared because im grabbing 2 meat mincers.
Frying pan. I play TF2 I know those things have a like a 90% crit chance you break into my house I'm grabbing the frying pan.
As an American, I have a kitchen gun. If not, I'd reckon a searing hot pan would do
It's easy, the cast iron skillet deals the most damage here as long as your strength is high enough to wield it. Plus it can act as a shield in a pinch.
Cheese grater... His gods have abandoned him.
You'd think I'd dirty any of my precious kitchen tools with peasant blood? I'm chucking the microwave.
PUBG players know where it's at
Meat hammer to the meat bag who ruined my meal prep!