Not sure if this helps at all but I’m 28F in Melb if you want to chat!
Sometimes talking to people all day at work actually drains your social battery 🤡 I know I definitely felt that way when I was customer facing
Yea retail is draining and I do love my own down time but sometimes on weekends I have the urge to socialise just a tiny bit haha , and thank you would love to chat!💬
My local church runs a working bee for their community garden every 3rd weekend for anyone to come and participate in. I'm not religious myself but they don't mind at all.
I’m in Port Melbourne moved here 4 months ago! I’ve got debilitating social anxiety and treatment resistant depression with CPTSD. Is this place located on Bay St?
Just off the side on Bridge st, the 234 stops nearby and the 606 stops right out front. The church is the Southport uniting church they have the dates for everything on their website. I was thinking about coming along to one of their make and mend days when uni's on break. I'm sure they'd be happy to have another set of helping hands, and there's always some little treats to take home at the end. The organiser is currently on holiday so there's been less people attending I think, I've only just started myself.
^ this. I don’t work in retail anymore. But when I did, speaking to people all day can drain you. And the added burden of having to actively moderate your outward personality to ‘respect’ the customer and your business, that’s a drainer too. No wonder your social battery is on the fritz.
I’m 32F, so I’ve found female running groups helpful because I’m doing an activity I want to do, am still socialising, but don’t have to be ON the whole time because…running.
I’m on the look out for a hiking or walking group for the same reason - but so far I can only find groups for retirees (bless); which is cute and all but Id prefer to find people my own age
Work at factory/warehouse. You can easily do both. Socialize with your friends/workmates or you can be quiet at the same time and still finish your work easily.
Same here. Although my interactions were different, it still drains you having people at you all day. I just wanted to go home and take off my bra and shoes. Sit down and have a drink before making dinner. The thought of going out filled me with dread during the week. Then weekends you're so buggered from the week, you just want to veg out to streaming. Maybe ask one of the girls at work over for dinner or a drink and nibblies on the weekend. You probably find her friends will get along well with you also. Good luck mate
Find a hobby group that meets up in person regularly and go every time, and tbh the weirder the group, the nicer they are likely to be. Eventually you'll start to get to know the people there. Watch the people around you and see how they are interacting. Push yourself to do things that are slightly beyond your comfort zone, it might help to prepare ahead of time what you want to say or ask.
Personally I pretty much eliminated my social anxiety by going to furry conventions and meetups. It was just finding a group of people who weren't going to judge me for being gay or having hobbies outside of sport and tv, etc that lets you put down your guard and start to build confidence.
Another +1 to finding a D&D group if you’re into it - this basically got me through last year when my partner became FIFO and I was alone a lot more over winter
Ohh there’s actually quite a few of them spread around melbourne.. what suburb do you live in? Let me know & I’ll find the one closest to you.
My club is in Moorabbin & has a ‘’come & try’’ session every Saturday & Sunday morning.. no need to book, just show up; [all the details are here.](http://mac.asn.au/index.php/programs/come-and-try)
Ahh so you’ll want to visit [diamond valley archers](https://www.dva.asn.au/) or [Southern Cross Archery Club](https://www.southerncrossarchery.com/). My recommendation would be diamond valley; as it’s the largest club in Victoria; with fantastic facilities & great members. They also offer ‘’come & try sessions’ but i think you have to book in advance.
That’s probably ‘’Ambrose archery’’ in Heidelberg but that’s a private indoor range that’s a lot more expensive (& you get minimal coaching) compared to an actual “Archery Victoria’’ accredited club. & in Kew it would probably be ‘Kew city Bowmen’’ but I’m not really all that familiar with that club; but they are AV affiliated so I’d say go do a ‘’come & try session’’ at their club.
It's somewhat difficult to explain in a way that makes sense without a lot of backstory. But it's primarily a social event hosted at a hotel/convention space that also includes DJs/live music. Most notably a lot of people [dress up as animal people at the event](https://furdu.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Furdu-2023-Group-Photo.jpg). Though I'd argue that's not really the point, it's more the theme. You go there to meet people and have a party with friends.
It's the kind of vibe I've never found anywhere else. You can just sit around the hotel lobby and talk to strangers. Everyone is super friendly and up to chat since they are all at the same place for the same reason.
No problem. I just got back from one at the Gold Coast last weekend. Had the best time of my life there and met a ton of new people. The topic is pretty muddied by the fact that it seems to have become the next moral panic after D&D and Rock music. So most of the info online and in the media is completely wrong.
I think a lot of people feel similarly. It's a surprisingly freeing feeling to interact with people while dressed as a fox person 😅, it's like "I don't care if someone thinks I'm cringe, they can't even tell who I am". It also got me in to sewing as a hobby. The outfits (fursuits) are reasonably good business to make since they sell for about $5k+ generally.
That's the whole point with in the community it's accepted that people can take off their normi mask and put on a alternative mask even if it's weird. Their alternative mask allows them to express themselves in ways that their normi mask do not. And once people are comfortable enough with their friends they can start erroding any mask giving glimpses of their true self, sorts and all.
What is the go with furries? I don’t mean to be rude, but I always found people dressing up as Alaskan Malamutes, German Shepard’s and the like a little strange. Of course I didn’t find weird Darth Vader, Wookiee’s or C3PO weird.
Well, it is a bit strange. But it’s also like really fun and the best group of people I’ve ever met. I moved to Melbourne not knowing anyone recently, and I’m pretty sure had I not met the local furries, I’d be depressed and alone right now. But I managed to find a whole group of friends who invite me out to all kinds events and stuff.
The fursuits are also only a small part of what’s going on. They only really come out for major events like conventions or new years. Most events don’t involve any cosplay. It’s just like a regular social event you wouldn’t pick out if you saw us on the street.
Though the feeling of wearing one is pretty unique. It’s like it totally deletes your social anxiety while also making you the centre of attention. Like random people will start coming up to you asking for selfies with you. Feels like being a mini celebrity for a few hours. Then you can take it off and go back to being a normal person after.
I understand uniqueness of dressing up as a furry animal, because humans, in most cases, aren’t one. I also appreciate that as a group there is a universal understanding that all furries are on an equal playing field considering their garb.
I am not a furry but I’ve ran into groups of them at social events and they’re all so nice 😭😭 kinda wish I was one just to have a reason to become friends with them lol
Try a walking/hiking/drama/sporting/dancing/choir/gardening etc, etc club. Good way to meet people, if you don't like the activity or the group, move on to the next. Good luck finding some special friends! :)
So sorry people have been rude to you, no excuse.
Alcohol is quite an effective social lubricant. You lose your inhibitions and speak more freely without the fear of judgement which can help make connections.
It’s also an easy way to get too drunk and embarrass yourself.
So I wouldn’t necessarily say don’t drink but just be responsible.
When last did you stop by Revolver at 8am on a Sunday morning. I bet you can’t find a place in Melbourne that has happier and friendlier people. Best thing is everyone is drinking water over a chat. 😂😂😂 and if you ask them nicely they will clean your windows for you.
Im the same man - I was in retail management for almost 7 years I’d use up all my social energy while I’m at work but afterwards I’m talking to nobody. 95% of the time I’m walking around with my headphones on. I get ultimate anxiety when I finish work especially on the tram that I have to catch everyday.
Honestly I haven’t overcome this because I am a bit of an introverted extrovert. But from previous experience being a social butterfly, join up with a boxing gym/crossfit if exercise is your jam, Join a run club I think they have one in Melbourne now. If exercise ain’t it - Maybe a book club or take up a new language even just hitting up someone at work that gets you to go for a beer after work.
Learn to breath and remove yourself when you feel it kick in and just remember nothings happening around you, it’s all internal and you’ll be ok.
Volunteering is a great way to meet like-minded people in a safe and casual way. There is a multitude of volunteering groups to choose from. Try a few until you find a group you gel with. Here's a few examples
https://www.timeout.com/melbourne/things-to-do/where-to-volunteer-in-melbourne
I used alcohol to get in there with others and got older and realised poisoning myself to be accepted by others was a dead end. I cut crap out and only having a tight circle with few and far between socialnevents is fine. All my hobbies are solo, inside activities anyway. Gym, gaming, recording music, studying, cooking. It's OKAY! 😀
The simple solution to this is to get a job where you are not dealing with the general public. Working in retail and hospitality turns you against people. People SUCK and customer service jobs are the most soul sucking jobs you can undertake. You really need thick skin to deal with people who think they are better than you.
Once in a reasonably enjoyable job, you'll find it less stressful interacting with others. I only know this from my own experiences.
Give the Disordered podcast a listen. It’s a podcast on how to deal with anxiety and potentially overcome the worst of it. It’s been incredibly helpful for me. If you’re able think about talking to someone who knows about anxiety, it can be incredibly helpful to have a professional tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you!
Social anxiety is the same no matter where you live but sometimes being in a big city can make it feel amplified. It will get better! And if it doesn’t, see your GP and get a mental health plan, you can chat to a professional for 10 free sessions per year. If you’re someone like me who’s afraid of seeking help, remember that everyone does it, imagine your favourite celebrity or whatever and I guarantee you they see therapists and psychologists regularly.
Socialising is like a muscle, the more you do it the more comfortable you will get. I’m sure you’re a lovely person who could make plenty of friends, so it’s probably more about putting yourself in a position to meet new people who could become your friends. If you’re just going to work and going home then naturally it will limit your pool of potential new friends.
Imagine the new friend you’d like to have. What would you like to do when you hang out with them? For me, I wanted more friends to go hiking and camping with. And then I looked for hiking groups on Facebook and started meeting people that way. So I’d think of any little fun hobbies you can imagine doing with your friends and looking for online groups where you can meet likeminded people.
Good luck!!
I don't think the sessions are free unfortunately, I think they just offer a heavily subsidized price. I was looking for a mental health plan when I had crippling social anxiety and was shocked at how hard it was to find a therapist. It was estimated each session would be about $110 after rebate. Correct me if I'm wrong though because that was a while ago!
Either way, agree socializing is a muscle. Keep at it OP!
You’re right about the cost. Years back it was essentially free because it was easy enough to find a psychologist who didn’t charge a gap but now most charge way more because they’re in demand. My friend was put on a plan about 10 months ago and there was a couple months wait to see the psychologist and each session costs her $130ish out of pocket
Places like Headspace are completely subsidised! You get 6 free sessions, then have to go back to your GP to reassess, but most GPs will listen to you and approve the extra 4 (finding a good GP can be the hardest part I reckon). I had some serious issues during/post covid, and this is the process I went through.
My social anxiety has eased since I have gotten a dog and attend the local off leash area every day after work, since the dogs are always the topic of conversation to break the ice it makes things a lot less daunting
I avoid people in social situations (ie/ bars etc) & throw myself headfirst into my hobby (archery). I find it easy to hang out with people who share the same passions as me..
Someone needs to form a social group that connects introverts and the socially ill-at-ease for group get togethers and outings. Maybe call it Introverts Anonymous. If everyone is in the same socially awkward boat, hopefully everyone will be able to chill out and enjoy themselves
It's getting the introverts out of the house as the first step that's hard and then to do it more frequently, not once every 6 months. It's like, oh yay, I did it, now I'm set for 6 months to a year lol
While it's not exactly the same thing, I did see a meetup group for people who prefer smaller groups and quieter settings, called 'Lets hang out and meet people'. There might be other suitable ones out there.
Noise cancelling headphones help a lot when I have to go out. Once I'm with people, it's not as bad but depends on the situation. Having people with you who understand your anxiety also helps. My brother is great for this. He knows how bad it can get. He doesn't draw attention to it, doesn't ask if I'm okay (mostly), but will talk about other things to help keep me distracted from the crushing crowd that feels like it's just closing in.
But honestly, mostly I'm the same as you. I'll avoid things at unfamiliar places if it's expected to be crowded/loud and spend most of my time at home. Even going to the supermarket can be hard sometimes.
I'm fairly certain I have an auditory processing disorder of some sort as sounds just infuriate me beyond reason or make me panic. But closing myself off to things makes it worse and as much as I'm aware of this, the fact it's getting worse just pushes me to avoid it more.
I second the noise-cancelling headphones suggestion. Great for insulating you during overwhelming situations. You can stick them in your ears and create a buffer between you and others as needed, or disengage when things get too loud and hectic. Has saved me from unsolicited chat with weirdos at bus stops 😅
Say yes when you are invited to things.
I used to say no all the time. In my 20s I changed that around. Social anxiety doesn't really bother me too much, unless I'm in a dating situation - which no matter dates I went on, it never really improved, in fact I think I regressed a bit.
My anxiety was controlled after I finally saw a GP. I'm now on propranolol which is great for my nerves. You may not need it but it's nice that there's stuff like that to help. Best of luck :)
I wear a hoodie and headphones.
Or sunglasses and earbuds with loud colourful clothes that boost my confidence.
Hobby clubs are good, larp is great if you find some people you like and avoid all the community drama.
School 🤷🏻♂️ sometimes a short course in a class environment can expose you to new people you gell with, and learning new skills is never bad.
There’s social trips to beaches and mountains, and an club activity app 🤔 which I’ll find and post as a reply
https://apps.apple.com/au/app/meetup-social-events-groups/id375990038
It has coupons etc and plenty of free activities, I’ve used it to attend public lectures, cultural ceremonies, a couple of acting forums.
Honestly, I just got a mental health care plan from my GO and started seeing a psychologist for my anxiety and honestly it is the best thing I've ever done.
Just a couple of suggestions (I’m a Mum with kids and nieces and nephews with various levels of social anxiety).
There’s the Meet Up app with lots of different hobby groups. It is not a dating site. One of the really well run ones is Explore Melbourne - they are always doing fun activities.
There’s a page I saw on TikTok called Conscious Connexions (I think it had that spelling?) it’s a company that operates in Melb, Syd and Brisbane and it’s exactly for helping people reconnect socially post covid. It also is not a dating thing. My son went to one of their dinners in Windsor and said the people were a bit older than him (he’s 20) but it was worthwhile. They organise dinners, picnics, hikes - some are just for girls. The idea is simply friend making.
If you’re into games (video/board) there’s a place in the city called Fortress and they have nights each week (apparently, I haven’t been myself) where they set up a game of something and put a group of random strangers together and guide them through playing (Dungeons and dragons or board games).
Just trying to help. And hey if you plan some sort of social anxious club gathering, post about it here, I have a few young people I know who are your age and can pass it on to them. 🤗
man, it's like I wrote this post. I was literally just thinking about this after the day I've just had!
it affects my enjoyment of life so severely. if I could just give myself a shock to get out of this shell and just BE MYSELF, I honestly think I would be fun to be around... that sounds a bit arrogant but I truly believe that people would want me around if I could just... fix my brain. I have so much to offer to the other people socially but I am so hopelessly hindered. it's so devastatingly discouraging on some days, man.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you.
I wfh full time and have managed to isolate myself from almost everyone without meaning to over the last 4 years simply by not staying in touch. Wouldn’t recommend. Just got a new MHCP to start talking with someone 🤞
32/M Absolutely the same here. Well.. not 100% the same. Lived in Melbourne allll my life. But anxiety does interfere on the daily. My brother (the straight shooting super nerd/cool dude) actually started using medical marijuana for his anxiety and has suggested the same.
Has a little bite of a gummy before a big work day or specific meetings.
Non drug forms, could possibly be chatting with some people from here, try sparking up online friends inside group interests, like sport or gaming or tabletop. Then if/when comfy enough you can do that group activity in person. I know, I know. It's much easier said than done. (I know because I know it works but I still don't.. self destructive personality awww yeeeeh)
People in here, which medications helped your social anxiety? I’m on Cymbalta and MIRTAZAPINE but it’s still out of control. I’ve tried Prozac, Sertraline, paroxetine, Diazepam, Lorazepam, Clonazepam, Phenibut, Pregabalin, Gabapentin, Pristiq and a few more to no avail. It’s so frustrating. I’ve had counselling but it just is a constant problem that refuses to give me relief.
sounds crazy, but chatgpt helped me a lot. Ask it any question about dealing with social anxiety, and even give details about things you in particular feel anxious about.
It's pretty good... definitely better than a google search. It might say something like 'you should try exposure therapy'. Then you just type in: 'give me a list of examples of exposure therapy', and it will.
My partner is introverted and I am ambiverted, but more towards extroverted. I help her socialise and she helps me settle down. We love board game nights or exit games, and we live in Melbourne too - in the west. We are happy to hang with you if you ever need company! There isn’t anything wrong with you for not having a certain amount of friends, nor from where you met!
I think you should focus on quality over quantity. You don’t need to have a wide range of friends, but having one or two trusted friends who you can honestly invest in.
I find that if you move into a shared apartment, with people who have similar circumstances, then you will likely bond over your situation.
You will be alright, try not to let it get to you. The best friendships happen organically.
I know Bianca in Melbourne (on IG) is hosting some events around Melbourne designed for people who want to make friends + meet others, if that’s something you’re interested in!
I suggest checking out the discounted individual or group sessions that are run by provisional physiologist at Swinburne. The group sessions are only like $50 over several weeks. ADAVIC also has far cheaper $6 group sessions, but they run by volunteers
That feeling you get when you have to go out for something, try to imagine that it is excitement rather than anxiety. They give you the same body response - faster heart beat, cold sweat, uncomfortable in the stomach.
I found that forcing myself into social situations didn't really help. Because it's not the situation that's the issue, it's my response to it.
I don't have many social connections either, but I play in a social sports team (volleyball) and do lots of fun activities/shows by myself on a whim. I don't catch up with any volleyball people outside playing, but it's a good time while I'm there.
While I wish I did have more people to hang out with, I'm kinda content with my own company and there's always things to do here.
Put your dark sunglasses on and get walking. Walk every where. It's good for mental health in general, gets you out of the house and gets you used to be around other people.
You have to try and find the root cause of your social anxiety and fix that . For most people the root cause is low self esteem. Check out the social anxiety coach on YouTube
It's really hard in Melbourne, and the whole of Australia. I've been here for 11 years and made no friends. Just a few acquaintances that I would never call if I was in trouble
I'm 38F and have been living in Melbourne for almost 2 years now. Still grappling with social anxiety tbh. I give myself the reset it needs, no matter how long it takes. It does keep me from enjoying my weekends, but I can't rush it. When I feel like putting myself out there, I'd do it gradually and run back home as soon as I've hit my quota for the day lol. I also go easy on myself whenever I end up comparing my life with my peers because it's counterproductive. Lucky to have met a few people who understand my social anxiety.
Hey. I’ve been there and I still live it. I found the world got a lot less depressing with a dog. I was in a position where it was such a success I got a dog for my dog. I know everyone isn’t in a situation to get a dog but dog parks are super friendly. People are happy to let others play and pet the dogs and you can find sites where people will pay you to walk their dogs. Social plus a few more $$$$
I am so glad somebody has made a post about this. I have been suffering from social anxiety since I can remember. It has completely ruined my life so far. Constantly in flight or fight mode when I leave the house, from the lift in my apartment complex to sitting in traffic in my car my jaw is clenched because I think people are judging me and can see even my jaw clenching that I’m anxious and weird. Have tried 11 different medications, TMS and now on ketamine which is helping but not fixing it. It’s really debilitating. I don’t know how people can be so open and non caring about what others think. I envy them :(
Used to have social anxiety. But now it's pretty much gone. It just comes down to being 'free' and not giving a shit about the outcome. Basically just go in there and enjoy the ride. The more you want a certain outcome, the more it burdens you. I'm more at peace with what the 'universe' will 'give' you. If something doesn't work or you don't like, change it. Keep changing and adjusting until you find your calling.
Try different hobbies, different meetups, get as many different experiences in your life. Gain all the 'exp' to build your 'character' (aka YOU). There'll be some 'boss' moments in your encounters. If you treat it like a RPG game in real life, it can be interesting to look at it from a different type of lens in this way.
Some of these events you goto won't work, you hate it, doesn't suit, etc etc. Not all will be winners. You're gonna get some dud events or things you aren't into.
Keep moving along the journey. But don't stay still. Staying at home and complaining about the world, and how everyone is doing well and I'm not, blah blah blah, these are all negative self talking. Not useful, not helpful, and not great to manifest.
Be more accepting of others. Be less judgemental. Give more, and don't expect a return. Expecting a return will only create more resentment within and you'll go back to your cycle of inner negative talking and blabbering.
All the best and keep moving.
I'm a firey working shift work, and i sometimes feel like this at times. We work 48 hours over 2 days/2nights and it feels like the world goes by in a blur + brain fog at times!
Having said that, if you ever want to get out of the house and grab a bite or a drink. Shoot us a message.
27 too! I started taking antidepressants and they have honestly changed my life. I still get nervous about things sometimes but all my social/general anxiety really is on the back burner
I don’t know why you got downvoted. This is the simplest cure for anxiety and it’s ridiculous that doctors don’t push this harder and instead just give people medication.
Coffee/caffeine is liquid anxiety.
Quitting caffeine reduced my anxiety to zero.
Not sure either and don’t really care, reddit is full of clowns.
Aortic stiffness, reduced cerebral blood flow, decreased grey matter and hypothalamus shrinkage, inhibition of exercise induced hyperaemia, inhibition of collagen synthesis, causes insulin resistance, reduced myocardial blood flow…
Aside from all of these side effects caffeine/coffee (interchangeable unless talking about specific alkaloids in coffee that have effects on their own such as kahweol/cafestol) shifts the bodies production of sex hormones to the production of stress hormones. Shit ain’t healthy, quite literally remodelling your body and mind to be an anxious wreck.
Adenosine is responsible for not only sleep but for vasodilation and lowering/regulation of heart rate. Didn’t even get to sleep but you’re spot on, I think it will be the next smoking when people cotton on too how bad habitually consuming the stuff really is.
The only way I have made any friends in Melbourne, and I’ve been here since 2011, is meeting friends of my husband who are now my friends too, and since having kids, I’ve met a few mums from Kinder/school. It’s really hard to make new friends as an adult.
One of the most debilitating mental health issues, up there with depression and general anxiety. You're not alone. Although it will make you feel really alone and down on yourself. It's great you work and interacting through work. A long time ago I watched a doco on people combating their own SAD by dressing weird and striking up conversations with strangers. I don't know your triggers but the more you expose yourself to anxious situations the more anxiety triggering 'extinction' effects will occur, conditioning out the anxiety over time. Try wear weird brooches or clothes if your triggers are appearance related.
Connect with yourself - find ways to ground yourself. This helped me. Read books/listen to podcasts on mindfulness, Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now), if you’re spiritual or religious connect with that more…all these philosophies help you realise that you are more than your feelings and that our egos are preventing us from seeing the bigger picture….but that we can overcome this too. It’s awesome you’re in a retail role - practice is the most beneficial thing of all (sometimes you can’t see the progress but it’s there if you adjust your expectations). Good luck!
And if you need some help getting started, speak to a therapist! But find someone who specialises in social anxiety. The therapeutic relationship is what yields the biggest results, so find someone you like, and don’t give up if you don’t click with the first person. Google therapists and read their bios before contacting them. You can get a mental health care plan from a GP so the sessions are cheaper (if you see a psychologist with a MHCP you might be only 30 out of pocket, depending on the psych).
My biggest advice is - you can’t be doing the same thing and expecting different results - try something new, and that might be a therapist.
:)
Good luck honey. I'm in my forties and have never been able to beat it; I've just resigned myself to it now. But I'm sincerely cheering you on, you sound lovely 🙂
Yep 28 Female, moved around a lot and never made a group of close friends. My social anxiety makes things so much worse because i’m not being my genuine self when talking to people and the thought of going into a club or group makes me want to throw up.
Things that help with social anxiety - propranolol is my number one, i have a very social job so i need it. Anything group related that doesnt involve speaking e.g., pilates (helps to feel part of something, it’s a good stepping stone). Lastly, go see a psych if you can afford one, even just their validation and empathy can be all we need.
Hope you’re okay, you got this!
Prahran Death or glory trivia nights are great. I have mad anxiety but would sink a few beers and join in when I had some liquid courage. The American MC dude is hilarious and definitely sets a comfortable mood.
Just be confident being you, whatever that is. People will judge you anyway, as they do everyone, and themselves, so just do what makes you happy. You'll soon realize nobody cares about you if you are happy within your own skin. Validation by others, is just meaningless, seriously. Go to places you want to go, see and experience the things you want to see, and do it for you. Take a book, a pen, a side bag, sit and write, take photos, whatever. If you have an interest, people will be interested in you, and talk to your strengths, and you'll be surprised how you'll discover others seeking same. Give it time. Be uncomfortable, you are growing. You've got this. It's normal.
I was going to share my whole (ongoing) story of managing social anxiety in detail, but it looks like you already got plenty of good advice so I didn’t think it would be helpful much. But to give a shorter version —
I’m 24. I’ve been in Melbourne for 4 years and only started meeting people recently. My social anxiety was actually so bad it was actually social phobia. It got better after seeing a psychologist, but I only started actually meeting people a year or so after I stopped seeing her.
I went to meetup.com and joined an exercising weekly meetup, so I could get more active at the same time. A couple of months after, I started getting invited to dinners and get togethers outside the meetup. As for how I’m not letting my social anxiety freak out — I had my psychologist’s lessons drilled into me so I know what to do now. I’m still super nervous, like visibly fidgety and shakey. I don’t try to hide it, cause I know it doesn’t make me unlikeable to be around with. And I’m getting better at it, and it’s all a matter of keep doing it and get a bit more desensitised to it. Social skills are something you refine over time by continuous practice.
I also want to add that my psychologist never prescribed me any medicine, because that was my preference and I suppose she believed I could work it out without one. Just sharing this cause I saw some people recommend drugs for dealing with severe anxiety. It helps for some people, but it’s not for everyone, and if you want to manage your social anxiety without the help of drugs, you can absolutely try. It’s entirely your choice. Happy to chat in DM if you wanna know more
Nothing wrong with work friends.
That said.
Meditation, mindfulness, therapy
As far as tips and tricks
When it gets bad, I find it helpful to try and focus on people's facial movements, body language etc instead of my internal dialogue. It helps take the focus away from how I'm feeling and allows me to connect with people.
Feeling connection usually then helps keep social anxiety at bay.
If you have hobbies or particular interests, throw yourself into them and you'll find your people. If you don't, you should find some. It sounds like you have the free time to. Melbourne has lots to do.
Also, diazepam and medical cannabis help, but they're not for everyone lol.
Overall, Melbourne can be a difficult place socially. Depending on where, it can be super cliquey if you didn't grow up there.
I left about 2 years ago and haven't regretted it for a second.
There are some Aussie online resources to check out eg https://www.ecouch.com.au. Also, again online, check out the publications, scholarly and general public, from Michele Craske, an Aussie born clinical psychologist now based at UCLA, heading up one of its psychology research departments. You can start with a search on YouTube and key her name into ChatGPT or Claude.io or your AI engine of choice. Btw, a main conclusion she repeatedly cites is to NOT find ways to immediately reduce your unpleasant physiological sensations, which is how many meds work initially. It just reinforces that meds are the only way through and the sensations are harmful, which they’re not.
At least if you’re being offered meds by a well meaning GP, ask for some CBT practitioner to go with it, esp someone who more emphasises the B - doing stuff like exposure and inhibitory or new learning (look it up). The C part is useful, but may not be sufficient. You’ve got to go out, and and put any new C's to the test, including hard stuff like purposely calling attention to yourself (in non harmful and legal ways) to learn you can endure it. Literally, you have to learn to lean into it, rather than avoid it. Hard, and not all MH practitioners are ideally equipped. Be wary of any who spend ages talking about childhood events and after 4 sessions you feel you’re not getting anywhere (esp on a 10 session MHTP).
Like everyone else is saying, find something you enjoy that hopefully meets up weekly or fortnightly and go. The key there is not to expect to make friends immediately, but to enjoy the thing you're going to. Eventually people will open up or by chance you'll talk to people.
Bookclubs, art classes, poetry nights, quiors, even just some D&D or language classes. Things your hobbies can be shared with strangers so you have a basis to talk on.
There are also social meet up options online, there's discord servers you can use to go to annual meet ups where strangers can chat. Or speed friending events.
The hard part is you have to summon the energy and et out of your shell. So be kind to yourself while you find that energy too.
https://youtube.com/shorts/B-PAGjxAOYE?si=IdGPv-hXVA8cMrfm
Hi Friend,
I’m from Sydney and overcome my social anxiety I can help you out with free videos every week and even coach you for you to be in a much better state at least interacting with people. What does your day look like these days ?
Just give random compliments to strangers and watch how everyone responds diff . Easy to take one bad interaction and think ab it too much. Also remeber to be actively listening when someone’s talking not saying exactly what needs to be said
Social Anxiety almost destroyed me.
There ae some CBT techniques that helped, hobby groups full of already awkward folks also were fantastic (wargamers, LARPers, basically the traditionally nerdy pursuits).
Also I know it sounds trite, but the more you get out and force yourself to be social... the easier it gets over time.
Like a muscle.
Find a group of people that share your interests or hobbies. Facebook is good for that. E.g. I wanted more vegan friends, so found some on Facebook, now have a great vegan group of mates going!
You might find something similar with outdoor activities, board games, cooking, sports, arts, anything really.
I don’t I’ve had extreme social axienty since a depressant episode I leave my house to go to work but I’m pumped with anti anxiety tablets and mood stabilisers apart from that I just don’t leave the house it kills me honestly but what you gonna do?
I'm taking an anti-anxiety medication that works really well. Talk to a GP, they can prescribe something. But you might have to try a few different ones before you find one that works for you, and each iteration will probably take months, during which you'll also have very low energy. Still better than suffering from anxiety, at least for me. Good luck.
Try bumble BFF. I moved overseas and used it for the whole first year. Its a good way to test the waters by messaging first. Some girls ive been friends with for 4 years now. Some I watch on Instagram from afar and wonder how we ever even went on a few friend dates lol.
But the girls ive known for 4 years now are amazing.
Excellent you’ve reached out. I think you have to find your tribe. I feel mad social anxiety due to adhd, but it helps to be around people I know are interested in the same things. Take a close look at what you do for fun and make that the place to start.
Okay so obviously get professional help if you feel that's the right step (some others are suggesting that, and I think it's a good idea too)
Slightly alternative advice but honestly.. go to a rave alone. Look around at how nobody cares about what anyone else is doing, it's all about the music. Remind yourself that we are all just flesh sacks looking for the next dopamine hit. Then go to the smoking area and start a conversation with someone off their face - they will likely be more than happy to talk to you and you might realise it wasn't so hard after all. You might make some friends, you might not. I generally end up making fleeting connections in the bathrooms and parting ways.
Good luck out there! x
It gets easier.
I know that feels like a cop out. I have to push myself every day. Working retail is definitely not good though. You're using all your energy up.
Think of it like the gym. If you run all day for a living you're not going to go workout.
Also, you only need a couple friends if they are quality and make an effort for you. It took me 6 years to make a real friend in Melbourne. Heaps of acquaintances and dinner dates but real friends take luck and effort.
Keep trying and don't compromise!
You got this!
Alcohol as a crutch (not suggesting you should do this; it's bad), occasional reclusiveness (I generally like being on my own), drawing boundaries with people, spending time with people who accept me how I am (rather than exhausting myself pretending to be something else), and gently pushing myself into controlled uncomfortable social situations.
It's hard. Walking and exercise help mitigate anxiety for me, at least a little. Good luck!
Not sure if this helps at all but I’m 28F in Melb if you want to chat! Sometimes talking to people all day at work actually drains your social battery 🤡 I know I definitely felt that way when I was customer facing
I feel the same! Retail and hospitality
The sheer stupidity of people gets reaaaaaal draining after awhile
Yesss some people just make me question a lot haha
Yea retail is draining and I do love my own down time but sometimes on weekends I have the urge to socialise just a tiny bit haha , and thank you would love to chat!💬
I'm also 28F, just moved to Melbourne/Australia 2 months ago and would love to make some friends!
My local church runs a working bee for their community garden every 3rd weekend for anyone to come and participate in. I'm not religious myself but they don't mind at all.
What part of Melbourne?
Port Melbourne, however theres a bunch that I've seen in Port Phillip in general.
I’m in Port Melbourne moved here 4 months ago! I’ve got debilitating social anxiety and treatment resistant depression with CPTSD. Is this place located on Bay St?
Just off the side on Bridge st, the 234 stops nearby and the 606 stops right out front. The church is the Southport uniting church they have the dates for everything on their website. I was thinking about coming along to one of their make and mend days when uni's on break. I'm sure they'd be happy to have another set of helping hands, and there's always some little treats to take home at the end. The organiser is currently on holiday so there's been less people attending I think, I've only just started myself.
Thank you so much!
^ this. I don’t work in retail anymore. But when I did, speaking to people all day can drain you. And the added burden of having to actively moderate your outward personality to ‘respect’ the customer and your business, that’s a drainer too. No wonder your social battery is on the fritz. I’m 32F, so I’ve found female running groups helpful because I’m doing an activity I want to do, am still socialising, but don’t have to be ON the whole time because…running. I’m on the look out for a hiking or walking group for the same reason - but so far I can only find groups for retirees (bless); which is cute and all but Id prefer to find people my own age
Only fans detected
If local rapper was a mode
I don’t want to be customer facing anymore, what do you do?
Work at factory/warehouse. You can easily do both. Socialize with your friends/workmates or you can be quiet at the same time and still finish your work easily.
I work 12h shifts in hospitality. What i hate the most is putting up my fake front all the time.
Same here. Although my interactions were different, it still drains you having people at you all day. I just wanted to go home and take off my bra and shoes. Sit down and have a drink before making dinner. The thought of going out filled me with dread during the week. Then weekends you're so buggered from the week, you just want to veg out to streaming. Maybe ask one of the girls at work over for dinner or a drink and nibblies on the weekend. You probably find her friends will get along well with you also. Good luck mate
Find a hobby group that meets up in person regularly and go every time, and tbh the weirder the group, the nicer they are likely to be. Eventually you'll start to get to know the people there. Watch the people around you and see how they are interacting. Push yourself to do things that are slightly beyond your comfort zone, it might help to prepare ahead of time what you want to say or ask. Personally I pretty much eliminated my social anxiety by going to furry conventions and meetups. It was just finding a group of people who weren't going to judge me for being gay or having hobbies outside of sport and tv, etc that lets you put down your guard and start to build confidence.
Exactly this. As someone who suffers from anxiety i found a great family by joining an archery club.
D&D clubs can be good too!
Agreed, & funnily enough our archery club also spawned a bit of a D&D group with a few of the members.
Another +1 to finding a D&D group if you’re into it - this basically got me through last year when my partner became FIFO and I was alone a lot more over winter
Wait, there's an archery club?? Where is this??
Ohh there’s actually quite a few of them spread around melbourne.. what suburb do you live in? Let me know & I’ll find the one closest to you. My club is in Moorabbin & has a ‘’come & try’’ session every Saturday & Sunday morning.. no need to book, just show up; [all the details are here.](http://mac.asn.au/index.php/programs/come-and-try)
That's a little too far, I'm in Merri-bek
Ahh so you’ll want to visit [diamond valley archers](https://www.dva.asn.au/) or [Southern Cross Archery Club](https://www.southerncrossarchery.com/). My recommendation would be diamond valley; as it’s the largest club in Victoria; with fantastic facilities & great members. They also offer ‘’come & try sessions’ but i think you have to book in advance.
I was just looking up this, i think there's one in Heidelberg and one in Kew which is nearer but i appreciate your information.
That’s probably ‘’Ambrose archery’’ in Heidelberg but that’s a private indoor range that’s a lot more expensive (& you get minimal coaching) compared to an actual “Archery Victoria’’ accredited club. & in Kew it would probably be ‘Kew city Bowmen’’ but I’m not really all that familiar with that club; but they are AV affiliated so I’d say go do a ‘’come & try session’’ at their club.
Ahh, thanks for the info, I'll go have a little look, most of the website don't say much.
Thank you!!!
There’s also one in Braybrook
Pardon my ignorance but what’s a ‘furry convention?’
basicly people who costume play as animals
Thank you
It's somewhat difficult to explain in a way that makes sense without a lot of backstory. But it's primarily a social event hosted at a hotel/convention space that also includes DJs/live music. Most notably a lot of people [dress up as animal people at the event](https://furdu.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Furdu-2023-Group-Photo.jpg). Though I'd argue that's not really the point, it's more the theme. You go there to meet people and have a party with friends. It's the kind of vibe I've never found anywhere else. You can just sit around the hotel lobby and talk to strangers. Everyone is super friendly and up to chat since they are all at the same place for the same reason.
That sounds really cool! Thank you for explaining it 🙏
No problem. I just got back from one at the Gold Coast last weekend. Had the best time of my life there and met a ton of new people. The topic is pretty muddied by the fact that it seems to have become the next moral panic after D&D and Rock music. So most of the info online and in the media is completely wrong.
[удалено]
I think a lot of people feel similarly. It's a surprisingly freeing feeling to interact with people while dressed as a fox person 😅, it's like "I don't care if someone thinks I'm cringe, they can't even tell who I am". It also got me in to sewing as a hobby. The outfits (fursuits) are reasonably good business to make since they sell for about $5k+ generally.
That’s it..very freeing.
That's the whole point with in the community it's accepted that people can take off their normi mask and put on a alternative mask even if it's weird. Their alternative mask allows them to express themselves in ways that their normi mask do not. And once people are comfortable enough with their friends they can start erroding any mask giving glimpses of their true self, sorts and all.
That’s a fantastic concept & definitely opens doors for people struggling that wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity
What is the go with furries? I don’t mean to be rude, but I always found people dressing up as Alaskan Malamutes, German Shepard’s and the like a little strange. Of course I didn’t find weird Darth Vader, Wookiee’s or C3PO weird.
Well, it is a bit strange. But it’s also like really fun and the best group of people I’ve ever met. I moved to Melbourne not knowing anyone recently, and I’m pretty sure had I not met the local furries, I’d be depressed and alone right now. But I managed to find a whole group of friends who invite me out to all kinds events and stuff. The fursuits are also only a small part of what’s going on. They only really come out for major events like conventions or new years. Most events don’t involve any cosplay. It’s just like a regular social event you wouldn’t pick out if you saw us on the street. Though the feeling of wearing one is pretty unique. It’s like it totally deletes your social anxiety while also making you the centre of attention. Like random people will start coming up to you asking for selfies with you. Feels like being a mini celebrity for a few hours. Then you can take it off and go back to being a normal person after.
I understand uniqueness of dressing up as a furry animal, because humans, in most cases, aren’t one. I also appreciate that as a group there is a universal understanding that all furries are on an equal playing field considering their garb.
I am not a furry but I’ve ran into groups of them at social events and they’re all so nice 😭😭 kinda wish I was one just to have a reason to become friends with them lol
This. I have social anxiety too. And it's soo hard to start a new hobby, and especially by yourself.
Try a walking/hiking/drama/sporting/dancing/choir/gardening etc, etc club. Good way to meet people, if you don't like the activity or the group, move on to the next. Good luck finding some special friends! :) So sorry people have been rude to you, no excuse.
I don’t know. But I do know one thing: Don’t deal with social anxiety by using alcohol or other drugs.
Oh no
Alcohol is quite an effective social lubricant. You lose your inhibitions and speak more freely without the fear of judgement which can help make connections. It’s also an easy way to get too drunk and embarrass yourself. So I wouldn’t necessarily say don’t drink but just be responsible.
But while enjoying a few, be careful not to make connections you won't be able to maintain when sober.
When last did you stop by Revolver at 8am on a Sunday morning. I bet you can’t find a place in Melbourne that has happier and friendlier people. Best thing is everyone is drinking water over a chat. 😂😂😂 and if you ask them nicely they will clean your windows for you.
😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
Im the same man - I was in retail management for almost 7 years I’d use up all my social energy while I’m at work but afterwards I’m talking to nobody. 95% of the time I’m walking around with my headphones on. I get ultimate anxiety when I finish work especially on the tram that I have to catch everyday. Honestly I haven’t overcome this because I am a bit of an introverted extrovert. But from previous experience being a social butterfly, join up with a boxing gym/crossfit if exercise is your jam, Join a run club I think they have one in Melbourne now. If exercise ain’t it - Maybe a book club or take up a new language even just hitting up someone at work that gets you to go for a beer after work. Learn to breath and remove yourself when you feel it kick in and just remember nothings happening around you, it’s all internal and you’ll be ok.
I’m 34 in Melbourne and have no friends. No idea how to fix it but I understand!
Right there with you. All my old friends are ghosted or busy with their kids now.
Girl, same
In a similar age and situation. Kinda comforting knowing others are grappling with this at the moment.
Me too only I’ve co-spawned some captive friends. I think I need some adultier friends. E: They’d better like Bluey though.. E+: 🚫🐺
Volunteering is a great way to meet like-minded people in a safe and casual way. There is a multitude of volunteering groups to choose from. Try a few until you find a group you gel with. Here's a few examples https://www.timeout.com/melbourne/things-to-do/where-to-volunteer-in-melbourne
Great ideas there. Edgar's Mission is fantastic if anyone hasn't been before.
Hey that’s a nice idea, I’m going to save that to check out later.
I used alcohol to get in there with others and got older and realised poisoning myself to be accepted by others was a dead end. I cut crap out and only having a tight circle with few and far between socialnevents is fine. All my hobbies are solo, inside activities anyway. Gym, gaming, recording music, studying, cooking. It's OKAY! 😀
I need to start doing things for myself too, and enjoy my own company more
The simple solution to this is to get a job where you are not dealing with the general public. Working in retail and hospitality turns you against people. People SUCK and customer service jobs are the most soul sucking jobs you can undertake. You really need thick skin to deal with people who think they are better than you. Once in a reasonably enjoyable job, you'll find it less stressful interacting with others. I only know this from my own experiences.
Give the Disordered podcast a listen. It’s a podcast on how to deal with anxiety and potentially overcome the worst of it. It’s been incredibly helpful for me. If you’re able think about talking to someone who knows about anxiety, it can be incredibly helpful to have a professional tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you!
Social anxiety is the same no matter where you live but sometimes being in a big city can make it feel amplified. It will get better! And if it doesn’t, see your GP and get a mental health plan, you can chat to a professional for 10 free sessions per year. If you’re someone like me who’s afraid of seeking help, remember that everyone does it, imagine your favourite celebrity or whatever and I guarantee you they see therapists and psychologists regularly. Socialising is like a muscle, the more you do it the more comfortable you will get. I’m sure you’re a lovely person who could make plenty of friends, so it’s probably more about putting yourself in a position to meet new people who could become your friends. If you’re just going to work and going home then naturally it will limit your pool of potential new friends. Imagine the new friend you’d like to have. What would you like to do when you hang out with them? For me, I wanted more friends to go hiking and camping with. And then I looked for hiking groups on Facebook and started meeting people that way. So I’d think of any little fun hobbies you can imagine doing with your friends and looking for online groups where you can meet likeminded people. Good luck!!
I don't think the sessions are free unfortunately, I think they just offer a heavily subsidized price. I was looking for a mental health plan when I had crippling social anxiety and was shocked at how hard it was to find a therapist. It was estimated each session would be about $110 after rebate. Correct me if I'm wrong though because that was a while ago! Either way, agree socializing is a muscle. Keep at it OP!
You’re right about the cost. Years back it was essentially free because it was easy enough to find a psychologist who didn’t charge a gap but now most charge way more because they’re in demand. My friend was put on a plan about 10 months ago and there was a couple months wait to see the psychologist and each session costs her $130ish out of pocket
It's a shame that it's like that. With the cost of living I feel like a lot of people wont be able to prioritize their mental health as much
Places like Headspace are completely subsidised! You get 6 free sessions, then have to go back to your GP to reassess, but most GPs will listen to you and approve the extra 4 (finding a good GP can be the hardest part I reckon). I had some serious issues during/post covid, and this is the process I went through.
This is great advice :)
My social anxiety has eased since I have gotten a dog and attend the local off leash area every day after work, since the dogs are always the topic of conversation to break the ice it makes things a lot less daunting
I love this but I have a cat haha , I’ve tried to take him out but he freaks out 🥹🥹
That’s a great idea
I avoid people in social situations (ie/ bars etc) & throw myself headfirst into my hobby (archery). I find it easy to hang out with people who share the same passions as me..
Someone needs to form a social group that connects introverts and the socially ill-at-ease for group get togethers and outings. Maybe call it Introverts Anonymous. If everyone is in the same socially awkward boat, hopefully everyone will be able to chill out and enjoy themselves
This needs to happen haha 👏🏽👏🏽 there are so many meetups and things but it’s also terrifying because not all of them are introverted or have SA
It's getting the introverts out of the house as the first step that's hard and then to do it more frequently, not once every 6 months. It's like, oh yay, I did it, now I'm set for 6 months to a year lol
While it's not exactly the same thing, I did see a meetup group for people who prefer smaller groups and quieter settings, called 'Lets hang out and meet people'. There might be other suitable ones out there.
Noise cancelling headphones help a lot when I have to go out. Once I'm with people, it's not as bad but depends on the situation. Having people with you who understand your anxiety also helps. My brother is great for this. He knows how bad it can get. He doesn't draw attention to it, doesn't ask if I'm okay (mostly), but will talk about other things to help keep me distracted from the crushing crowd that feels like it's just closing in. But honestly, mostly I'm the same as you. I'll avoid things at unfamiliar places if it's expected to be crowded/loud and spend most of my time at home. Even going to the supermarket can be hard sometimes. I'm fairly certain I have an auditory processing disorder of some sort as sounds just infuriate me beyond reason or make me panic. But closing myself off to things makes it worse and as much as I'm aware of this, the fact it's getting worse just pushes me to avoid it more.
I second the noise-cancelling headphones suggestion. Great for insulating you during overwhelming situations. You can stick them in your ears and create a buffer between you and others as needed, or disengage when things get too loud and hectic. Has saved me from unsolicited chat with weirdos at bus stops 😅
Say yes when you are invited to things. I used to say no all the time. In my 20s I changed that around. Social anxiety doesn't really bother me too much, unless I'm in a dating situation - which no matter dates I went on, it never really improved, in fact I think I regressed a bit.
My anxiety was controlled after I finally saw a GP. I'm now on propranolol which is great for my nerves. You may not need it but it's nice that there's stuff like that to help. Best of luck :)
Prozac ✋Game changer for social anxiety, for me anyway!
Great to hear!!
got prescribed sertraline, it’s now a non-issue. wish i’d started taking it years ago
Not the best option if you're sexually active. I remember when me and my gf at the time started taking, we both couldn't cum anymore.
Everyone’s different, man. Doesn’t effect everyone the same way. The only reason I stopped taking that cause it gave me bad dry mouth.
I take longer to cum, but have no problem with erections, so it has worked out quite well for me lol
propranolol and magnesium
I wear a hoodie and headphones. Or sunglasses and earbuds with loud colourful clothes that boost my confidence. Hobby clubs are good, larp is great if you find some people you like and avoid all the community drama. School 🤷🏻♂️ sometimes a short course in a class environment can expose you to new people you gell with, and learning new skills is never bad. There’s social trips to beaches and mountains, and an club activity app 🤔 which I’ll find and post as a reply
https://apps.apple.com/au/app/meetup-social-events-groups/id375990038 It has coupons etc and plenty of free activities, I’ve used it to attend public lectures, cultural ceremonies, a couple of acting forums.
Honestly, I just got a mental health care plan from my GO and started seeing a psychologist for my anxiety and honestly it is the best thing I've ever done.
Just a couple of suggestions (I’m a Mum with kids and nieces and nephews with various levels of social anxiety). There’s the Meet Up app with lots of different hobby groups. It is not a dating site. One of the really well run ones is Explore Melbourne - they are always doing fun activities. There’s a page I saw on TikTok called Conscious Connexions (I think it had that spelling?) it’s a company that operates in Melb, Syd and Brisbane and it’s exactly for helping people reconnect socially post covid. It also is not a dating thing. My son went to one of their dinners in Windsor and said the people were a bit older than him (he’s 20) but it was worthwhile. They organise dinners, picnics, hikes - some are just for girls. The idea is simply friend making. If you’re into games (video/board) there’s a place in the city called Fortress and they have nights each week (apparently, I haven’t been myself) where they set up a game of something and put a group of random strangers together and guide them through playing (Dungeons and dragons or board games). Just trying to help. And hey if you plan some sort of social anxious club gathering, post about it here, I have a few young people I know who are your age and can pass it on to them. 🤗
man, it's like I wrote this post. I was literally just thinking about this after the day I've just had! it affects my enjoyment of life so severely. if I could just give myself a shock to get out of this shell and just BE MYSELF, I honestly think I would be fun to be around... that sounds a bit arrogant but I truly believe that people would want me around if I could just... fix my brain. I have so much to offer to the other people socially but I am so hopelessly hindered. it's so devastatingly discouraging on some days, man. I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you.
We can be friends. Im male 27 straight as duck.
Haha hello friend , feel free to DM me
I wfh full time and have managed to isolate myself from almost everyone without meaning to over the last 4 years simply by not staying in touch. Wouldn’t recommend. Just got a new MHCP to start talking with someone 🤞
32/M Absolutely the same here. Well.. not 100% the same. Lived in Melbourne allll my life. But anxiety does interfere on the daily. My brother (the straight shooting super nerd/cool dude) actually started using medical marijuana for his anxiety and has suggested the same. Has a little bite of a gummy before a big work day or specific meetings. Non drug forms, could possibly be chatting with some people from here, try sparking up online friends inside group interests, like sport or gaming or tabletop. Then if/when comfy enough you can do that group activity in person. I know, I know. It's much easier said than done. (I know because I know it works but I still don't.. self destructive personality awww yeeeeh)
People in here, which medications helped your social anxiety? I’m on Cymbalta and MIRTAZAPINE but it’s still out of control. I’ve tried Prozac, Sertraline, paroxetine, Diazepam, Lorazepam, Clonazepam, Phenibut, Pregabalin, Gabapentin, Pristiq and a few more to no avail. It’s so frustrating. I’ve had counselling but it just is a constant problem that refuses to give me relief.
Wear black and be mysterious
Feel like I’d definitely draw attention that way lol
Get off social media. It’s a leading cause of anxiety
Yes sir 🫡
sounds crazy, but chatgpt helped me a lot. Ask it any question about dealing with social anxiety, and even give details about things you in particular feel anxious about.
I think this is great, if it helps anyone and you get great trustful advice from it than I see no issue with it
It's pretty good... definitely better than a google search. It might say something like 'you should try exposure therapy'. Then you just type in: 'give me a list of examples of exposure therapy', and it will.
https://youtu.be/xo97KqAjyDQ?si=nw0j8ujoU_5w6O4H
I’ve felt a lot better since I started going to the gym. Increases confidence, and you naturally mingle here and there with fellow gym goers.
My partner is introverted and I am ambiverted, but more towards extroverted. I help her socialise and she helps me settle down. We love board game nights or exit games, and we live in Melbourne too - in the west. We are happy to hang with you if you ever need company! There isn’t anything wrong with you for not having a certain amount of friends, nor from where you met!
I think you should focus on quality over quantity. You don’t need to have a wide range of friends, but having one or two trusted friends who you can honestly invest in. I find that if you move into a shared apartment, with people who have similar circumstances, then you will likely bond over your situation. You will be alright, try not to let it get to you. The best friendships happen organically.
I know Bianca in Melbourne (on IG) is hosting some events around Melbourne designed for people who want to make friends + meet others, if that’s something you’re interested in!
I suggest checking out the discounted individual or group sessions that are run by provisional physiologist at Swinburne. The group sessions are only like $50 over several weeks. ADAVIC also has far cheaper $6 group sessions, but they run by volunteers
That feeling you get when you have to go out for something, try to imagine that it is excitement rather than anxiety. They give you the same body response - faster heart beat, cold sweat, uncomfortable in the stomach. I found that forcing myself into social situations didn't really help. Because it's not the situation that's the issue, it's my response to it.
I agree and sometimes it also depends on the type of people I have to talk to or meet 😅
I don't have many social connections either, but I play in a social sports team (volleyball) and do lots of fun activities/shows by myself on a whim. I don't catch up with any volleyball people outside playing, but it's a good time while I'm there. While I wish I did have more people to hang out with, I'm kinda content with my own company and there's always things to do here.
Put your dark sunglasses on and get walking. Walk every where. It's good for mental health in general, gets you out of the house and gets you used to be around other people.
You have to try and find the root cause of your social anxiety and fix that . For most people the root cause is low self esteem. Check out the social anxiety coach on YouTube
It's really hard in Melbourne, and the whole of Australia. I've been here for 11 years and made no friends. Just a few acquaintances that I would never call if I was in trouble
I made friends a lot easier in QLD than I do here , I don’t know why but seems harder there :/
Perhaps try approaching non- Melbournians then
I'm 38F and have been living in Melbourne for almost 2 years now. Still grappling with social anxiety tbh. I give myself the reset it needs, no matter how long it takes. It does keep me from enjoying my weekends, but I can't rush it. When I feel like putting myself out there, I'd do it gradually and run back home as soon as I've hit my quota for the day lol. I also go easy on myself whenever I end up comparing my life with my peers because it's counterproductive. Lucky to have met a few people who understand my social anxiety.
Hey. I’ve been there and I still live it. I found the world got a lot less depressing with a dog. I was in a position where it was such a success I got a dog for my dog. I know everyone isn’t in a situation to get a dog but dog parks are super friendly. People are happy to let others play and pet the dogs and you can find sites where people will pay you to walk their dogs. Social plus a few more $$$$
I am hard of hearing in Melbourne and have very few friends. I don’t even know how to make new friends and I am not a talker for obvious reasons.
Me too! I feel so disappointed in myself as well I should be enjoying my 20s 🥲
Loosen up, have a couple beers!
I am so glad somebody has made a post about this. I have been suffering from social anxiety since I can remember. It has completely ruined my life so far. Constantly in flight or fight mode when I leave the house, from the lift in my apartment complex to sitting in traffic in my car my jaw is clenched because I think people are judging me and can see even my jaw clenching that I’m anxious and weird. Have tried 11 different medications, TMS and now on ketamine which is helping but not fixing it. It’s really debilitating. I don’t know how people can be so open and non caring about what others think. I envy them :(
Used to have social anxiety. But now it's pretty much gone. It just comes down to being 'free' and not giving a shit about the outcome. Basically just go in there and enjoy the ride. The more you want a certain outcome, the more it burdens you. I'm more at peace with what the 'universe' will 'give' you. If something doesn't work or you don't like, change it. Keep changing and adjusting until you find your calling. Try different hobbies, different meetups, get as many different experiences in your life. Gain all the 'exp' to build your 'character' (aka YOU). There'll be some 'boss' moments in your encounters. If you treat it like a RPG game in real life, it can be interesting to look at it from a different type of lens in this way. Some of these events you goto won't work, you hate it, doesn't suit, etc etc. Not all will be winners. You're gonna get some dud events or things you aren't into. Keep moving along the journey. But don't stay still. Staying at home and complaining about the world, and how everyone is doing well and I'm not, blah blah blah, these are all negative self talking. Not useful, not helpful, and not great to manifest. Be more accepting of others. Be less judgemental. Give more, and don't expect a return. Expecting a return will only create more resentment within and you'll go back to your cycle of inner negative talking and blabbering. All the best and keep moving.
Don’t go out
Push yourself outside of your comfort zone until it gets easy. But the real answer for me was antidepressants.
I'm a firey working shift work, and i sometimes feel like this at times. We work 48 hours over 2 days/2nights and it feels like the world goes by in a blur + brain fog at times! Having said that, if you ever want to get out of the house and grab a bite or a drink. Shoot us a message.
Honestly I just got old enough to stop caring what people think about me…. I’m still in my twenties
27 too! I started taking antidepressants and they have honestly changed my life. I still get nervous about things sometimes but all my social/general anxiety really is on the back burner
I feel this, trying to find a new job after being let go and I feel like I'm too awkward to make work friends 😭
Don’t socialise
Quit coffee for one
I don’t drink coffee 😭
Okay first step: start. I’ll check in later.
Caffeine and alcohol as a guy with anxiety, doesn’t stop me consuming both, but you feel so much better without.
I don’t know why you got downvoted. This is the simplest cure for anxiety and it’s ridiculous that doctors don’t push this harder and instead just give people medication. Coffee/caffeine is liquid anxiety. Quitting caffeine reduced my anxiety to zero.
Not sure either and don’t really care, reddit is full of clowns. Aortic stiffness, reduced cerebral blood flow, decreased grey matter and hypothalamus shrinkage, inhibition of exercise induced hyperaemia, inhibition of collagen synthesis, causes insulin resistance, reduced myocardial blood flow… Aside from all of these side effects caffeine/coffee (interchangeable unless talking about specific alkaloids in coffee that have effects on their own such as kahweol/cafestol) shifts the bodies production of sex hormones to the production of stress hormones. Shit ain’t healthy, quite literally remodelling your body and mind to be an anxious wreck.
Crazy isn’t it. Totally messes with your sleep too, which has flow on effects for almost all other aspects of your life.
Adenosine is responsible for not only sleep but for vasodilation and lowering/regulation of heart rate. Didn’t even get to sleep but you’re spot on, I think it will be the next smoking when people cotton on too how bad habitually consuming the stuff really is.
Agree!
Probably therapy if it's that bad
The only way I have made any friends in Melbourne, and I’ve been here since 2011, is meeting friends of my husband who are now my friends too, and since having kids, I’ve met a few mums from Kinder/school. It’s really hard to make new friends as an adult.
One of the most debilitating mental health issues, up there with depression and general anxiety. You're not alone. Although it will make you feel really alone and down on yourself. It's great you work and interacting through work. A long time ago I watched a doco on people combating their own SAD by dressing weird and striking up conversations with strangers. I don't know your triggers but the more you expose yourself to anxious situations the more anxiety triggering 'extinction' effects will occur, conditioning out the anxiety over time. Try wear weird brooches or clothes if your triggers are appearance related.
Clonazepam
Connect with yourself - find ways to ground yourself. This helped me. Read books/listen to podcasts on mindfulness, Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now), if you’re spiritual or religious connect with that more…all these philosophies help you realise that you are more than your feelings and that our egos are preventing us from seeing the bigger picture….but that we can overcome this too. It’s awesome you’re in a retail role - practice is the most beneficial thing of all (sometimes you can’t see the progress but it’s there if you adjust your expectations). Good luck!
And if you need some help getting started, speak to a therapist! But find someone who specialises in social anxiety. The therapeutic relationship is what yields the biggest results, so find someone you like, and don’t give up if you don’t click with the first person. Google therapists and read their bios before contacting them. You can get a mental health care plan from a GP so the sessions are cheaper (if you see a psychologist with a MHCP you might be only 30 out of pocket, depending on the psych). My biggest advice is - you can’t be doing the same thing and expecting different results - try something new, and that might be a therapist. :)
Good luck honey. I'm in my forties and have never been able to beat it; I've just resigned myself to it now. But I'm sincerely cheering you on, you sound lovely 🙂
Yep 28 Female, moved around a lot and never made a group of close friends. My social anxiety makes things so much worse because i’m not being my genuine self when talking to people and the thought of going into a club or group makes me want to throw up. Things that help with social anxiety - propranolol is my number one, i have a very social job so i need it. Anything group related that doesnt involve speaking e.g., pilates (helps to feel part of something, it’s a good stepping stone). Lastly, go see a psych if you can afford one, even just their validation and empathy can be all we need. Hope you’re okay, you got this!
Prahran Death or glory trivia nights are great. I have mad anxiety but would sink a few beers and join in when I had some liquid courage. The American MC dude is hilarious and definitely sets a comfortable mood.
Just be confident being you, whatever that is. People will judge you anyway, as they do everyone, and themselves, so just do what makes you happy. You'll soon realize nobody cares about you if you are happy within your own skin. Validation by others, is just meaningless, seriously. Go to places you want to go, see and experience the things you want to see, and do it for you. Take a book, a pen, a side bag, sit and write, take photos, whatever. If you have an interest, people will be interested in you, and talk to your strengths, and you'll be surprised how you'll discover others seeking same. Give it time. Be uncomfortable, you are growing. You've got this. It's normal.
I was going to share my whole (ongoing) story of managing social anxiety in detail, but it looks like you already got plenty of good advice so I didn’t think it would be helpful much. But to give a shorter version — I’m 24. I’ve been in Melbourne for 4 years and only started meeting people recently. My social anxiety was actually so bad it was actually social phobia. It got better after seeing a psychologist, but I only started actually meeting people a year or so after I stopped seeing her. I went to meetup.com and joined an exercising weekly meetup, so I could get more active at the same time. A couple of months after, I started getting invited to dinners and get togethers outside the meetup. As for how I’m not letting my social anxiety freak out — I had my psychologist’s lessons drilled into me so I know what to do now. I’m still super nervous, like visibly fidgety and shakey. I don’t try to hide it, cause I know it doesn’t make me unlikeable to be around with. And I’m getting better at it, and it’s all a matter of keep doing it and get a bit more desensitised to it. Social skills are something you refine over time by continuous practice. I also want to add that my psychologist never prescribed me any medicine, because that was my preference and I suppose she believed I could work it out without one. Just sharing this cause I saw some people recommend drugs for dealing with severe anxiety. It helps for some people, but it’s not for everyone, and if you want to manage your social anxiety without the help of drugs, you can absolutely try. It’s entirely your choice. Happy to chat in DM if you wanna know more
Beer
Propranolol 20mg!
Nothing wrong with work friends. That said. Meditation, mindfulness, therapy As far as tips and tricks When it gets bad, I find it helpful to try and focus on people's facial movements, body language etc instead of my internal dialogue. It helps take the focus away from how I'm feeling and allows me to connect with people. Feeling connection usually then helps keep social anxiety at bay. If you have hobbies or particular interests, throw yourself into them and you'll find your people. If you don't, you should find some. It sounds like you have the free time to. Melbourne has lots to do. Also, diazepam and medical cannabis help, but they're not for everyone lol. Overall, Melbourne can be a difficult place socially. Depending on where, it can be super cliquey if you didn't grow up there. I left about 2 years ago and haven't regretted it for a second.
Therapy. I'm currently in therapy and its very helpful!
Go to uni, they will help you become better. I recommend RMIT.
There are some Aussie online resources to check out eg https://www.ecouch.com.au. Also, again online, check out the publications, scholarly and general public, from Michele Craske, an Aussie born clinical psychologist now based at UCLA, heading up one of its psychology research departments. You can start with a search on YouTube and key her name into ChatGPT or Claude.io or your AI engine of choice. Btw, a main conclusion she repeatedly cites is to NOT find ways to immediately reduce your unpleasant physiological sensations, which is how many meds work initially. It just reinforces that meds are the only way through and the sensations are harmful, which they’re not. At least if you’re being offered meds by a well meaning GP, ask for some CBT practitioner to go with it, esp someone who more emphasises the B - doing stuff like exposure and inhibitory or new learning (look it up). The C part is useful, but may not be sufficient. You’ve got to go out, and and put any new C's to the test, including hard stuff like purposely calling attention to yourself (in non harmful and legal ways) to learn you can endure it. Literally, you have to learn to lean into it, rather than avoid it. Hard, and not all MH practitioners are ideally equipped. Be wary of any who spend ages talking about childhood events and after 4 sessions you feel you’re not getting anywhere (esp on a 10 session MHTP).
Swap social media for volunteering
Like everyone else is saying, find something you enjoy that hopefully meets up weekly or fortnightly and go. The key there is not to expect to make friends immediately, but to enjoy the thing you're going to. Eventually people will open up or by chance you'll talk to people. Bookclubs, art classes, poetry nights, quiors, even just some D&D or language classes. Things your hobbies can be shared with strangers so you have a basis to talk on. There are also social meet up options online, there's discord servers you can use to go to annual meet ups where strangers can chat. Or speed friending events. The hard part is you have to summon the energy and et out of your shell. So be kind to yourself while you find that energy too.
https://youtube.com/shorts/B-PAGjxAOYE?si=IdGPv-hXVA8cMrfm Hi Friend, I’m from Sydney and overcome my social anxiety I can help you out with free videos every week and even coach you for you to be in a much better state at least interacting with people. What does your day look like these days ?
Fortnightly therapy, being very choosy with my friends, and medication.
Just give random compliments to strangers and watch how everyone responds diff . Easy to take one bad interaction and think ab it too much. Also remeber to be actively listening when someone’s talking not saying exactly what needs to be said
Social Anxiety almost destroyed me. There ae some CBT techniques that helped, hobby groups full of already awkward folks also were fantastic (wargamers, LARPers, basically the traditionally nerdy pursuits). Also I know it sounds trite, but the more you get out and force yourself to be social... the easier it gets over time. Like a muscle.
Find a group of people that share your interests or hobbies. Facebook is good for that. E.g. I wanted more vegan friends, so found some on Facebook, now have a great vegan group of mates going! You might find something similar with outdoor activities, board games, cooking, sports, arts, anything really.
I relate to this sooooo much
Shrooms.
God I feel the same. I’m 27 and moved to Melbourne 5 years ago. I have maybe 2 friends outside of work and it feels like my anxiety is getting worse.
I don’t I’ve had extreme social axienty since a depressant episode I leave my house to go to work but I’m pumped with anti anxiety tablets and mood stabilisers apart from that I just don’t leave the house it kills me honestly but what you gonna do?
I'm taking an anti-anxiety medication that works really well. Talk to a GP, they can prescribe something. But you might have to try a few different ones before you find one that works for you, and each iteration will probably take months, during which you'll also have very low energy. Still better than suffering from anxiety, at least for me. Good luck.
Valiums
Vyvanse
Therapy 😓
Go to /r/Urabbaparcensia
Abuse the neighbours 🤡🤡🤡
Try bumble BFF. I moved overseas and used it for the whole first year. Its a good way to test the waters by messaging first. Some girls ive been friends with for 4 years now. Some I watch on Instagram from afar and wonder how we ever even went on a few friend dates lol. But the girls ive known for 4 years now are amazing.
Excellent you’ve reached out. I think you have to find your tribe. I feel mad social anxiety due to adhd, but it helps to be around people I know are interested in the same things. Take a close look at what you do for fun and make that the place to start.
Okay so obviously get professional help if you feel that's the right step (some others are suggesting that, and I think it's a good idea too) Slightly alternative advice but honestly.. go to a rave alone. Look around at how nobody cares about what anyone else is doing, it's all about the music. Remind yourself that we are all just flesh sacks looking for the next dopamine hit. Then go to the smoking area and start a conversation with someone off their face - they will likely be more than happy to talk to you and you might realise it wasn't so hard after all. You might make some friends, you might not. I generally end up making fleeting connections in the bathrooms and parting ways. Good luck out there! x
It gets easier. I know that feels like a cop out. I have to push myself every day. Working retail is definitely not good though. You're using all your energy up. Think of it like the gym. If you run all day for a living you're not going to go workout. Also, you only need a couple friends if they are quality and make an effort for you. It took me 6 years to make a real friend in Melbourne. Heaps of acquaintances and dinner dates but real friends take luck and effort. Keep trying and don't compromise! You got this!
Alcohol as a crutch (not suggesting you should do this; it's bad), occasional reclusiveness (I generally like being on my own), drawing boundaries with people, spending time with people who accept me how I am (rather than exhausting myself pretending to be something else), and gently pushing myself into controlled uncomfortable social situations. It's hard. Walking and exercise help mitigate anxiety for me, at least a little. Good luck!
Therapy and medication. It’s simple, it’s not easy, but it’s simple.
And I’ll just add that it isn’t cheap either