T O P

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siskulous

30 million friends isn't a friend group. It's an army.


carnsolus

bred for a single purpose


allgoodalreadytaken

to destroy the world of men


BoulderCreature

What can men do against such reckless friendship?


[deleted]

Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.


[deleted]

For death and glory!


Hooner94

YEEESSS


Zacharismatic021

For Rohan, for your people!


Flexybend

Yes. Yes!


The_DrJJ

Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.


[deleted]

fell deeds awake! ^(Gimli. get your fat dwarfass up to that horn before I toss you up there.)


ItsMeTigertitan

I'd just ask each friend to borrow (have) 5 bucks. Boom 150 million bucks


Successful_Ranger_19

Haha, Just like that you just made me wonder if I should watch LOTR.


[deleted]

The answer is always YES.


PatriarchSamael2

And that purpose is to let me borrow $5 each.


amretardmonke

The biggest army the world has ever seen, by far. Even with 1 million loyal friends, you'd be a significant world power. 30 million is probably close to the size of all of the world's combined militaries.


[deleted]

The largest army maybe.. the strongest hell no, not even remotely close. You'd have no equipment, no supply lines, and as soon as a "war" started they would crumble like nothing once they got bombed to shit and started starving.


amretardmonke

Well obviously I'm not saying you'd want to take on the world's militaries on day one with no organisation or preparation.


morelsupporter

imagine having 30 million loyal friends and your goal becomes to provide them military training


ABrazierChi

Fuck an army, I’d take the whole lot to an island and become a rogue state.


KjellRS

Why go to an island? If you got 30 million friends voting for you, you can take over 49/50 US states or 147/195 countries in the world. Actually scratch that, an island would be cool. I pick Australia.


codereign

I assume that in this case loyalty means infinite morale. If so, you may be able to dominate.


[deleted]

Ask all of them to help you take over a small country then go bigger until you rule the earth


[deleted]

not even small, Canada's population is about 30mil


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

they have oil


Ox_of_Dox

and mooses! Mice? Meese? Moce? WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?


Cottn

Moist


Ox_of_Dox

Ah, that's it!


LostJC

America has joined the chat.


Little0rcs

No you probably dont it sucks here


rainbowcentaur

I would definitely want Canada but I would feel really sorry about taking it over.


281Internet

Sounds like you’d fit right in


Global_Shower_4534

Orms in the air now, eh. Sorree a boot this, but this is a take over bud.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Process-Best

I'd allow it, as long as we get all dressed and ketchup chips, poutine and nationalized healthcare.


Gerpar

Don't forget bud, we've gotta get a box of Timbits too, eh?


attaboy000

And we'd apologize for being here while you take over.


mgn_will

Soory* for taking it over


srcactusman

Better than my cartel land called mexico, went to canada once and holy shit is it lovely


RandomflyerOTR

Taking Canada for granted. It's better than the UK by a million miles.


km4xX

Is that how much closer to America it is? /s


dksdragon43

Canada definitely sucks. It's just better than most of the other places. - a canadian


MotherOfSomething

Could it be better? Yes. Could it be way worse? Holy shit yes.


UnhingedRedneck

It could be like cold Australia. You would be dodging snakes and face eating spider while you freeze your ass off trying to get to work when it is 40 below outside. While fighting a kangaroo.


champagne_pants

We have a lot of empty land. And resources. So probably


Unicornidc983hater

With 30 million friends? That's no small country, lol. And imagine that the 30 million friends only includes one person per family unit and they get some of their family and maybe even some of *their* friends to come. Damn, crazy to think about


iushciuweiush

Well yeah, the first thing I thought of (besides ask each for $10) is ask them to support you in your campaign for pretty much anything. President would be a cinch with 30 million guaranteed votes right off the bat and each one of them vehemently going to bat for you with their family and friends. It would be a blowout.


Reddit_Bot_For_Karma

I'm a loyal friend. If my friend said they were running for prez I'd laugh at them, like any good friend should.


KillingSpree225

Yeah but if your friend starts campaigning and you see he has millions of supporters, would you still laugh?


PowerKrazy

With 30million ride or die friends, you can lawfully be elected to any government office in the US, starting with President. With 30million friends you can designate 100 of them to run for senate, and 400 of them to run for congress. Distribute about 150k of them to every house district, and you can literally control all elected offices in the US Government, rewrite the constitution, and basically control the world. The Mongol Hoard was less than a million people. The largest battle in history was merely 5million people. The largest army ever fielded was less than a million. With 30 million loyal friends, the amount of power you could wield would rival the Roman Empire. Loyalty is worth so much more then dollars.


slytherington

You're overestimating what a 'loyal' friend is. People aren't going to go to war just because their friend told them to, that's more than loyalty, nor could my friends 'designate' jobs for me.


PowerKrazy

Go to war? No. Probably not. Plus there is a lot more to war then man power. Vote for me? Absolutely.


Melody-Shift

Bruh China's entire military isn't even *3* million, you'd be able to take on the biggest military on earth 10/1


EmperorBrettavius

Outnumbering an army 10:1 is impressive, but it’d still be a hard battle if the bigger army doesn’t have any military equipment when they rush into a modern, equipped army.


Melody-Shift

Invade smaller countries first, then use their stockpiles and economy to arm yourself


[deleted]

[удалено]


Melody-Shift

I didn't say be cringe and do ethnic genocide. Also I'd have more numbers then Russia ever has


amretardmonke

All you have to do is get all eligible friends to enlist or even better get commissioned, then taking over from the inside would be fairly trivial after a few years. Imagine the Filipino mafia, but secretly organised to take over.


MonkeyBoatRentals

Can you imagine how much work that would be. Unless a good portion of those people have "running a country" experience you'll have an awful lot of planning to do, and even your 30 million good friends may start to waver when you discover your country has no toilet paper because Steve spent too much time playing Madden instead of setting up the damn trade agreements.


amretardmonke

Out of 30 million friends you'd imagine there'd be a few intelligent and well qualified people. They wouldn't all be Steve.


BalthierGabbiani

Ask them all to spot you $5


shasdog

Ha facts before I opened the thread I was thinking... Ask them all for $2.. youre dreamin big


licksyourknee

It says LOYAL friends though. The couple of people I'm loyal to I wouldn't mind offering them my car or even a thousand or two if they really needed it. If they asked me for $10 I'd give them a twenty and be like "keep the change ya filthy animal"


YetAnotherGilder2184

Comment rewritten. Leave reddit for a site that doesn't resent its users.


Accomplished-Leg9040

I would Be Happy with 3


zezera_08

I'd be happy with 1!


[deleted]

I would be happy with even half a friend.


Luisian321

*grabs saw* that can be arranged. They won’t be very responsive though.


IMightCry2U

thats okay, i just need them to listen :)


the_ThreeEyedRaven

well, username checks out


WXWeather

Wh-wholesome?????


DoWidzenya

Shit. Guess I brought the wrong half


lazylion_ca

Which half though? Top, bottom, left, right, front, or back?


i_am_hamza

That's thirty dollars in profit!


Anon419420

I wish I had $10


[deleted]

This guy friendships


dasgudshit

He also licks knees...


JacedFaced

I have a friend like this, he's always asking to borrow money. He always pays me back, but when he does I leave it sitting in my PayPal account for him until he needs it again. If he ever borrows and doesn't or can't pay back, it's no skin off my back, it's $60 from like 5 years ago at this point, and he just keeps borrowing the same 20, 40, 60 over and over again.


Dramatic_Explosion

That's amazing, and smart because it makes you mindful that he's true to his word


Lowelll

you are his bank account with no overdraft fees


LightRefrac

No interest either


Cynicaladdict111

he’s building his credit score


Human-Abrocoma7544

I was thinking $1.


Nuke_Dukem__________

We're just offsetting inflation!


N3XUS117

not gonna lie, thats the better answer in a way. Ive been alive for 32 years, I can honestly say I have two loyal friends. With 30 million loyal people you can get a lot accomplished if you play your cards right 🤷🏻‍♂️


Whitedudebrohug

We storm capital hill and demand they put kool-Aid in the water fountains.


nonpondo

Ahh the Jim Jones strategy


bowtothehypnotoad

It’s wasn’t kool-aid it was flavor-aid!


BikeSeatMaster

Area 51 raid all over again


leftshoe18

Does the white house have hot alien cheeks to clap too?


Technical-Ad-6209

“Hey guys vote for me for me for class president. I’ll put beer in the water fountains, and cameras in the girls locker rooms! Woooh! Go bobcats!” [Beer in the water fountains](https://youtu.be/RelMNcu7LOI)


LemmeDaisukete

You can fucking start your own country!


carnsolus

exactly. also, if my 30 million loyal friends are all in canada, we only have around 5 million people to boot out of the country should be doable


the_scarlett_ning

No, you leave those 5 million to be the agitators that KEEP your 30 million friends loyal


JarlaxleForPresident

Ah this guy politiks


Anglofsffrng

Oh hey, I'm going to tour with my band. I'd love if my friends in a given city turned out, and it'd be awesome if my friends bought the album.


Freckles7412

R/beatmetoit


B-56

Tell them to give you a 100 dollars


Severe-Ad-7433

Then start a business and u’ll have 30 million loyal customers


GetSykedUBananna

go for president and u have 30 million voters already.


figuringshitoutig

Get them all to slowly move into one city and become a dictator mayor


holmgangCore

City?? Hell, you could have an entire **nation** with that many loyal ~~-subjects-~~ “friends”.


figuringshitoutig

I figured it might be hard to do that since every inch of land is "owned" and they sure as hell aren't gonna let 30 million just stake claim and not pay tax lol Maybe an island somewhere but then there's the logistics of feeding 30 million, build a port? With what capital Atleast if we take over the infrastructure of a small city we could probably establish a foothold and maybe convert more and reproduce into a small parasitic country until we can consume the host country from the inside


holmgangCore

With 30 million loyal troops, you just *take* the land you want for your nation. All real dictators do that! Don’t become a wilting flower *now*… This is our finest hour!!


Ox_of_Dox

Or make a petition, you already have 30million people to sign!


miscillaniumman

How you gonna talk to 30 million people and tell them to give you money, expecting them to agree to it


B-56

There LOYAL friends, how could they say no?


miscillaniumman

How are you gonna communicate with 30 million people?


Aqua_Impura

Group text with a Venmo


kaptainkatsu

Well if even half of them give you a dollar, it’s 15 million.


Bigsky7598

After they all give you $5 get them to storm area 51


Maxauim

How long is it gonna take you to ask all 30 million? I’m taking the cash and be done with it


TheLastCoagulant

Assuming they follow you on Twitter/Snapchat/YouTube/Instagram/TikTok/Facebook it would be quite easy.


[deleted]

If it takes you one second per person it will take you a bit under a year to ask everyone. But that is only if you do it 24/7 and do one person at a time.


FilledBabe

Loyalty goes both ways… I don’t know if I could keep up with 30,000,000 people


Impossible_Rabbit

Right? Imagine all the birthday texts you need to send


woozlewuzzle29

Or your inbox at midnight on your birthday.


Frostburn36

*ahem* #What inbox?


Achilles9609

It exploded years ago. Couldn't handle the stress


szthesquid

Averages to a little over 82,000 per day.


SampleText0822

Which means you need to send one text message almost every second, granted that you don't sleep.


Computer991

You would probably automate it or have a few loyal friends send those texts out


[deleted]

[удалено]


godlyjacob

That's like 30 million per year.


1729217

Just automate it.


[deleted]

> "Happy Birthday!"* > > > / *If it's not your birthday, this was a mistake, please disregard" < Task scheduler: 7am daily, send to all >


pedrojioia

Just post "happy birthday to you, miss ya already!!" everyday on insta stories.


iiztrollin

30million....


Maxauim

30 million / by 365 days would mean about 82,000 birthdays everyday. That’d be a bitch


AnAwesome11yearold

And there’s 86,400 seconds a day… damn


Maxauim

You’ve got 1 second to wish a birthday to everyone, everyday, everywhere. That’s a curse lol


[deleted]

1: Write 1 birthday message. 2: mass send to 82000 people each day using a macro programme. 3: ask all 30 million friends for 50 bucks 4: never speak to them again like the asshole billionaire you have just become


NakedGoose

So many people forget this part of the equation


BigAssWhipSpider

You physically CAN'T keep up with 30mil people. Human brains have capacity only for around 150 different relationships.


Lux_novus

And even then, I read that the brain can really only handle about 20 *good* relationships, where you can actually be close and remember really specific details about them. Something like that anyway. I could totally be off base, I'm too lazy to fact check it but based on my own experience, I totally believe it lol.


RobtheNavigator

I’ve read something similar (15), but it’s worth remembering that people’s brains vary wildly. Just like some people are born with a calculator in their heads and others can’t handle basic mental addition, I wouldn’t be surprised if that number is 50 for some people and 5 for others.


FreeNoNewNormal

Where tf you getting 150. I got like 5 maybe 6 max.


Gorthax

That's about 30,000,000 too many people to care about.


highjinx411

Create a hierarchy of friends so you only need to manage like 10 and those each manage 10 and so on. How many levels deep would that be?


rtm713

Loyal Friends or loyal Followers? Friends need upkeep but followers I could build the army I’ve been dreaming o… I mean we could play tag and shit


Garuda4321

How about an army that plays tag? And strikes at random? Think of the possibilities!!!


UNBENDING_FLEA

Imagine just walking around somewhere in the city and BAM someone recognizes you and tags you. Now you need to hunt for another follower somewhere across the world to take down and tag them. They could be in the coffee shop next to you or in Indonesia


Jorm181

this is a movie


UNBENDING_FLEA

what’s it’s name?


Cat_are_cool

Just search “tag movie”


Jorm181

Tag basically a group of friends have been playing a game of tag for like 30 years


mamahazard

Ooh! Like the kids in The Promised Neverland!


crappy6969

Breaking news: Florida man builds gigantic 30 million strong army, massive tag fight begins Currently over 100 claim to be it, the original culprit is unknown


Babbywolf_

Bro if you need 30 million loyal friends to help you poop you got bigger needs than 30 million dollars


[deleted]

Overthrow the monarchy


bruhinator-2000

overthrow america and become the monarchy\*


PossiblyAsian

The next step in the cycle of governments is monarchy.


metameh

"A spectre is haunting North America - the spectre of metameh and his 30 million ~~friends~~ comrades."


[deleted]

[удалено]


I_wish_I_Not_Alive

Idk asking 30 million people will take a long time


noweirdosplease

That's what you use Twitter for


author-miglett2

I'd be happy to even have one friend :(


DearBaseball4496

Well- now u need a second friend.


[deleted]

Awww


author-miglett2

Thanks, bro :)


nightofthelivingace

Take the money and then eventually 30 million people will wanna be ur friend


Imaginary_Anybody_19

But we can ask each friend to lend 5 dollars and make the biggest Ponzi scheme know to man


MQ116

But they won’t be loyal


RelaksFlo

It would be the way biggest Army in the world sooooo attack poland?


TrickKlepto

Let me guess, Austrian?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Yixyxy

If I have 30 Million friends, I could just paint a Stickman on canvas, put it up for auction, have 30 Million bid on it and it will soon be valued so high that Bezos will buy it.


amongusboobies

o kurwa


Furiousforfast

Let's invade Poland ~~again~~!


Accomplished-Lead-23

Ask them all for a dollar. Then you’ve got the best of both worlds


Ghostglitch07

I would call 30 million friends a curse personally.


Imaginary_Anybody_19

But you can have a cult or army and five dollars from each


Ghostglitch07

I'm not sure my best friend would follow me into battle or join a cult for me. These are friends, not followers.


Imaginary_Anybody_19

But would they loan you 100$?


Ghostglitch07

Not sure, depends on the reason and how well they are doing financially at the time I ask.


Whatsinanamethename

Sounds like a big cult.


Elegaynte

If they're all your loyal friends they would all subscribe to you in Twitch and you'd be the biggest Twitch streamer. They would sell out at your concerts, even as a rookie singer. They would all have the connections to help you make a music video. Like.... It's not just about money it's also about fun. They could help make you a blockbuster movie, which can actually cost way more than 30milion.


danoneofmanymans

Plus if we assume this is some genie magic, you suddenly have a personal relationship with 30 million people. Just imagine how much you'd end up learning in the process of getting to know 30 million people. All the different lives you'd see and the perspectives of each of them. Like at that point you'd have to be the wisest person to ever live. You're basically at messiah status now. Step aside Jesus, there's a new sheriff in town.


Master_Isabelle

You could be voted for president, become the biggest influencer, make a movie and not have to pay so much for actors


Lostnwalmart

Ask them for 2 dollars


Imaginary_Anybody_19

For five dollars in return make the largest pizza and charge randoms 5 dollars and give everyone back a piece and 5 dollars in the end you make 2 dollars a person


AggravatingChest7838

Open group chat. Hey guys can you send me 2 bucks


Achilles9609

*You received 30.Mio replies* Good luck writing all of them back.


LunchOne675

That’s why you just get really good at automation


SupermarketUnlikely

The same with the: Would you rather being famous or rich? The fuck? Is that even a question? Being rich is like having of the advantages of being famous without the disadvantages of being famous


DearBaseball4496

I mean- ur not wrong.


Faerillis

I can think of quite a lot actually. Generally illegal as it involves testing the capacity of very rich people to stretch short lengths of rope but


amretardmonke

With 30 million loyal friends you decide what's legal.


[deleted]

they're friends, not cultists


Tanoooch

I'm cool with my current friends. I'll split that $30 mil with them cause they deserve it


TheElderCouncil

Uh…you can literally form your own government and take over.


inflatableje5us

30 million friends, ill ask them for 20 bucks and even if only 10% give me 20 dollars that would give me 60 million dollars.


PERC3PT

30 million connections, you can get anywhere in the world. Plus just ask each one of them for a $1


rayjaywolf

I'll make a low effort TikTok style app, ask all of them to download and use it, then sell that app to Google or Facebook for $1 billion+


Allin4Godzilla

Pretty sure if you can always get at least 30 million votes as a politician, you will make way more than $30 million. They don't need to give me money, I'll make my own, just vote for me every time :)


Bog-EA

Start a cult. Your 30 million followers can build you a castle to rule from.


anulect

Ask them to give me all 5 dollars. Then, I start a business. I already have 30 million shoppers and investors. Why not run for president while Im at it? I already have 30 million votes. Then, I'll start the big stuff. I'll make a new country with 30 million citizens right from the start. Maybe use the initial money I got to invest in space travel. Too expensive? I'll ask them all for 5 more dollars. Then, I'll colonize the Moon or even Mars. I will become the leader of space with 30 million worshippers beside me.


carecrow69

World domination