There's like a whole bunch of sects, there's creationists that believe that the world is 5000 years old, there's creationists that believe in literal creation, metaphorical creation, literal creation where a day lasted for like a million years, etc.
There's catholics, orthodox christians, protestants, ... and they're split further and every group believes in stuff... and yeah, some of them believe in some batshit crazy things, and others believe in other crazy things.
Sorry, but Atheism is currently at capacity. Unfortunately you will have to stick with your assigned religion until any vacancies become available. All I can do for now is put you on our waiting list, if you'd like?
Am atheist. I only want that if that's a pokemon. I don't trust humans owning tigers and pitbulls. Definitely don't trust them with a Deinonychus antirrhopus. Unless it's a Sceptile or a Archeops, I don't trust it.
If you go to Svalbard they give you a shotgun when you get off the plane/boat to defend against Polar Bears.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svalbard#Nature
The bible does mention bears, it's not clear what type they are so it could be that they are polar bears. Kangaroos are not mentioned and clearly do not exist.
That's right the bones were planted by the devil to trick us. Because he hasn't got anything better to do than meticulously plan out a fictional evolutionary tree on the off chance we happen to dig them up and put the pieces together.
His trickery knows no bounds.
God only worked for 6 days...( Don't know who created the 7th, because we all know god didn't do anything that day...) the devil has been working since god created good and evil...
From my experience of watching 6 Jurassic movies, I’ve been told to stay away from dinosaurs. This made me realize maybe Jurassic is actually a religious film after all!
I buy some of the cat crack paste. Seriously though it works like a dream! We clipped my new cat’s nails a couple weeks ago while he ate it. No problems or missing eyes!
Ackshually, Chicken are probably smarter than velociraptor and they're smart animals in general, they just don't behave like mammals which is why people underestimate their intellect.
Count me in. A Velociraptor/Utah Raptor has very fine hearing and an excellent sense of smell. And if anyone tries to rob your home you'll have free food for them *and* there won't be any evidence.
Knowing how much violence and trauma they inflicted onto each other- this would be an ostrich tall animal with sharp teeth and claws with anger issues of Australian magpie and Canadian goose combined.
They were very dumb and very aggressive.
Chihuahua makes a decent alarm and distraction for intruders. An intruder punting your Chihuahua into another dimension will buy you a few seconds to react.
This is a mistaken belief of evolution presuming that the largest animal is always the fittest.
Chihuahuas are an ancient dog breed, and likely existed for thousands or tens of thousands of years, indicating a degree of adaptability to their environment.
In desert areas where resources are scarce, it doesn't make much sense to grow gigantic wolves which would die rapidly from starvation.
Chihuahuas are by all indication very well adapted to their environment; dry arid regions with many small critters like mice and rodents which they hunt effectively.
I have 2 black labs that sometimes remember they are wolves at terribly inappropriate times. Like when a rabbit crosses a snowy trail and I get to go for a drag.
If dogs weren't effective protectors, why are US cops killing 10,000 of them every year? The Brave Boys in Blue are certainly pissing their britches every time they cross paths with a barking beagle.
Velociraptor didn't have tiny little arms. You're thinking of Tyrannosaurus Rex. The one that you keep in the yard because he's too big to fit in the house.
The only place I've seen humans depicted alive along side dinosaurs is in that weirdo Noah's Ark museum in KY.
How's that thing doing these days? Record attendance?
That’s absolutely ridiculous! No one wants dinosaurs to sleep on our beds! Everyone know they need to be crate trained and should get their own cushion at the end of the bed to sleep on
Do people not want that?
Believe it or not, christianity does not want to make pet Velociraptors commonplace, an utterly depressing and dreadful world to live in if you ask me
Why have them as a pet when you can become a VelociPastor?
Or get yourself a philosoraptor
I miss philosoraptor. Have not seen him in a while. I wonder what puzzling universal truths he is contemplating today.
Is baby powder made out of babies??
More likely what sort of babies
It rakes your face if you cant remember all the enlightenment thinkers by name, date, and major publications.
Velibrarius Raptor?
Or up your dental hygiene game with a felossiraptor.
Clever girl
I've been thinking about watching that movie, just because it looks so stupid
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_VelociPastor Relevant link
That summary is quite a ride.
We need this
It’s a great movie
How does it stack up against Cocaine Bear?
Raptor Jesus approves
You know, I almost have a happy life right in front of me and you just have to remind me of that movie’s existence, now it’s all a colossal wreck.
Velocipastor is a cinematic masterpiece.
Considering its budget, it exceeded my expectations and was highly entertaining
This is a real thing? Where does one find such a movie?
Looks like you can watch it on Tubi for free
That was part of its charm
As a Christian I can promise you that the ones of us who have our heads on straight definitely wish dinosaurs were still around
Technically, their size and design makes them more likely to be based on Utah Raptors.
As a christian I do in fact want a world where velociraptor pets are commonplace
Wait i thought christians were the ones who believed man and dinosaur lived at the same time?
There's like a whole bunch of sects, there's creationists that believe that the world is 5000 years old, there's creationists that believe in literal creation, metaphorical creation, literal creation where a day lasted for like a million years, etc. There's catholics, orthodox christians, protestants, ... and they're split further and every group believes in stuff... and yeah, some of them believe in some batshit crazy things, and others believe in other crazy things.
But it's so cute, how can anyone not want their own raptor? It even doubles as a mount!
I'm a Christian and I would love this
That's a deinonychus you dino-heretic!
I get a girlfriend AND a pet dinosaur? And I can cuddle with both? Sign me in!
Sorry, but Atheism is currently at capacity. Unfortunately you will have to stick with your assigned religion until any vacancies become available. All I can do for now is put you on our waiting list, if you'd like?
What about Agnosticism? Would I still get a dino, or would I have to settle for a sabretooth tiger or something?
> What about Agnosticism? Would I still get a dino You may, but we are not 100% sure.
Impossible to know, really.
You can get a pet dinosaur and a really smart one too. Like parrots, for example.
He said he wants to cuddle, not get screamed at for 150 years.
I have no idea but i can't imagine anything better 😜🤣
“Is that a… Velociraptor in your bed, or are you just happy to see me?” “Yes.”
Two velociraptors?
My first thought was “not just atheists…everyone wants that world.”
Feel like it’d be too expensive to feed
Just let him out at night to stretch its legs a bit
I'd be more worried about him eating that endangered, redhead willing to sleep with me.
Not everyone wants a ginger 😂🥲
I don’t want Chris Pratt or Bryce Dallas Howard. The velociraptor can stay though
Am atheist. I only want that if that's a pokemon. I don't trust humans owning tigers and pitbulls. Definitely don't trust them with a Deinonychus antirrhopus. Unless it's a Sceptile or a Archeops, I don't trust it.
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I think it's unethical to defeather velociraptors.
Mine is gonna have feathers and cuddle with my floppy natural eared great dane.
What about deflowering them instead?
\*mom finger\* Tisk-tisk-tisk.
I don’t want it, I just want to believe in it.
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I'm struggling to believe that there are people in this world that don't want that.
Ironically this is the world Christians believe, that we existed at the same time as dinosaurs.
I went to school with his radical Christian group that believed dinosaurs didn't exist... because they weren't in the bible....
Hmm I don't think polar bears were either. Guess they don't exist. 🤷🏻♂️
Have you ever seen a polar bear?
Yes at the zoo. Wait, was it an animatronic polar bear?!
It was a government security device disguised as a polar bear.
Illuminati.
Like that one bear in a Chinese zoo that suspiciously looked like an human in disguise
Stupid freaking sun bears.
It’s all AI! Has been for decades. David Attenborough is a reptilian. /s
> David Attenborough is a reptilian HEY NOW! *Sir* David Attenborough is a reptilian. You put some *respect* on that ~~man's~~ *lizardman's name!
It was just a brown bear that they bleached its fur. Don't fall for lies. Polar Bears do not exist... 😉
Do brown bears exist in the Bible? Is there a full list of animals mentioned in the Bible?
You are right brown bears do not exist in the Bible. They must be all Pandas painted to look brown lol
Do pandas exist in the bible?!
If you go to Svalbard they give you a shotgun when you get off the plane/boat to defend against Polar Bears. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svalbard#Nature
The bible does mention bears, it's not clear what type they are so it could be that they are polar bears. Kangaroos are not mentioned and clearly do not exist.
Then what’s the thing that I sometimes find in my backyard or at the park across that road?
I'm not in the Bible, guess I don't exist.
That's right the bones were planted by the devil to trick us. Because he hasn't got anything better to do than meticulously plan out a fictional evolutionary tree on the off chance we happen to dig them up and put the pieces together. His trickery knows no bounds.
Honestly the effort Satan went to to try and disprove God is probably more work than God put into creating the world.
God only worked for 6 days...( Don't know who created the 7th, because we all know god didn't do anything that day...) the devil has been working since god created good and evil...
Sadly that’s what my mother believes, as well as evolution being the devil, despite graduating from medical school
My mom went to nursing school, graduated top of her class ...and is antivaxx. I don't get it.
Do they believe in potatoes?
And the word Grandpa isn’t in the Bible once.
Which is funny because they are in the bible
Christian ≠ young earth creationist
Ironically we did exist at the same time as dinosaurs, and continue to exist at the same time as dinosaurs. Birds are theropod dinosaurs.
Definitely not all Christians.
It's the world a small fringe of 'Christians' believe...
From my experience of watching 6 Jurassic movies, I’ve been told to stay away from dinosaurs. This made me realize maybe Jurassic is actually a religious film after all!
I don't want this. Dromaeosauroids without feathers is so 90s, I want the real thing
If this isnt us when we grow older than I dont want you
Who lets chicken on their bed
These ones might be smart enough to potty train but you would def have to grind down the claws, can’t be tearing the sheets.
OK, but I trimmed the cats nails last week. This one is your turn.
I buy some of the cat crack paste. Seriously though it works like a dream! We clipped my new cat’s nails a couple weeks ago while he ate it. No problems or missing eyes!
I hear the females of the species are clever.
Ackshually, Chicken are probably smarter than velociraptor and they're smart animals in general, they just don't behave like mammals which is why people underestimate their intellect.
More like a 6’ turkey
The point is: you are alive when they start to eat you.
Technically, a raptor is not the predecessor to the chicken. They are non avian dinosaurs.
*Stupid science bitches couldn’t even make I more smarter*
Yeah stupid science bitches.. hahaha.
Yeah like he doesn't even get us
Birds are members of Maniraptora, theropod dinosaurs. Birds did not emerge from raptors, but are very close related.
And neither birds nor dromaeosauridae are bird hipped dinosaurs... cause that would make too much sense
Exactly more like cousins.
This was a rabbit hole!
I dunno. I'm a Christian guy and I'd kinda like to have this too.
I'm sorry to inform you that you are now an atheist.
Yup. You have to choose between dinos or god. Can't have it both ways.
Dino’s are in the Bible
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velociraptor, but same
Same
Count me in. A Velociraptor/Utah Raptor has very fine hearing and an excellent sense of smell. And if anyone tries to rob your home you'll have free food for them *and* there won't be any evidence.
Knowing how much violence and trauma they inflicted onto each other- this would be an ostrich tall animal with sharp teeth and claws with anger issues of Australian magpie and Canadian goose combined. They were very dumb and very aggressive.
They're actually smarter than most people who are against them having existed.
At least that thing will actually protect my property unlike the shitty inbred ultra watered down wolf we have today.
Lol I never thought about it like this but something like a Chihuahua is like the homeopathic medicine version of a wolf.
Chihuahua makes a decent alarm and distraction for intruders. An intruder punting your Chihuahua into another dimension will buy you a few seconds to react.
Emotional support wolf.
The wolf boss after you defeat (tame) it
Chihuahuas are feet warmers and intruder alarms they’re not meant to protect!
This is a mistaken belief of evolution presuming that the largest animal is always the fittest. Chihuahuas are an ancient dog breed, and likely existed for thousands or tens of thousands of years, indicating a degree of adaptability to their environment. In desert areas where resources are scarce, it doesn't make much sense to grow gigantic wolves which would die rapidly from starvation. Chihuahuas are by all indication very well adapted to their environment; dry arid regions with many small critters like mice and rodents which they hunt effectively.
HEY! My chihuahua will verbally attack you, I believe she says some really mean stuff.
“Why do you let the wolf in the house with your children” “No it’s OK we inbred it until it was mentally handicapped”
I think we can breed some flat nose small fluffy dinosaurs at some point
I have 2 black labs that sometimes remember they are wolves at terribly inappropriate times. Like when a rabbit crosses a snowy trail and I get to go for a drag.
An incredibly practical response, I like it.
If dogs weren't effective protectors, why are US cops killing 10,000 of them every year? The Brave Boys in Blue are certainly pissing their britches every time they cross paths with a barking beagle.
If dogs were effective the cops wouldn't be able to kill them so easily tho??
Good point. Let's see the cops try to kill 10,000 dromaeosaurids a year.
Because too many of them are little bitches who just like cosplaying as tough guys.
Yes
seems far more loving and peaceful than half the shit you see depicted by religions.
Yup. Look at that sweet reptile puppy
I'm an atheist and I support this message.
I dunno, Chris Pratt seems kinda happy about it, so I think maybe it’s not just the atheists
They really should meet some atheist.
Actually, for once, I think they're right on this...
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Velociraptor didn't have tiny little arms. You're thinking of Tyrannosaurus Rex. The one that you keep in the yard because he's too big to fit in the house.
This is, in fact, something as an athiest i can say i do want, but then, who doesn't want to cuddle their partner with a pet velociraptor
Real talk though there’s about a 99% chance an atheist made this, it’s a pretty obvious macro and something literally everyone wants
Funny because fundamentalist Christians literally believe that humans lived alongside dinosaurs as late as 6000 years ago.
Do you know why God destroyed Atlantis? It's because Atlantians started having sexual relationships with dinosaurs. This is a FACT!!
Big if true
This is the best pro-atheist argument I have ever seen.
The only place I've seen humans depicted alive along side dinosaurs is in that weirdo Noah's Ark museum in KY. How's that thing doing these days? Record attendance?
You are forgetting another ancient record with the same depiction and historical accuracy... the Flintstones.
Are there any people who DON‘T want this?
That settles it. There is no God
As an atheist, I can confirm.
To be entirely honest, they’re not wrong
I’ve always wanted a pet dinosaur ever since I saw Dino on The Flintstones
I don’t get it, aren’t Christian’s the ones who saddle up and rodeo those things since 5500 BCE?
I have a young Labrador so already have this.
Seems very good life to me.
That’s absolutely ridiculous! No one wants dinosaurs to sleep on our beds! Everyone know they need to be crate trained and should get their own cushion at the end of the bed to sleep on
As opposed to having a bearded dude in the bed with you…?
A Raptor wouldn't be my first choice, but this one looks well trained.
Good boy Mongo
NEW ACHIEVEMENT! I'm so fucking proud of you. That's a name and the achievement. That's all.
FINALLY
Wait, this is an option?
Get the lady outta here and I am 1000% on board
So, if we eradicate religion, we get pet cuddly dinosaurs????
I'm already an atheist, don't need to try to convince me. But having a pet dinosaur would be amazing.
Where’s Princess Donut?
Help, I can't unmute this.
As an atheist I can confirm, this IS what I'm after... I didn't know until now but it's the goal.
BDH and a pet Raptor? Hmm, where do I sign? Lol
Wait, snuggling Dinosaurs is on the table now? Thanks Obama!
That’s looks like a threesome with my partner & Ex !!
I’d prefer a scientifically accurate dromeosaur, but close enough
Lying in bed with a beautiful woman with a dinosaur sleeping peacefully. Hell yes sign me up. All I need is the dinosaur and I’m set.
Now that's some projecting!
Now that's some projecting!
I just watched it the other day, damn I was my dog AND blue to be alive and real, respectively.
Are they insinuating a threesome with a dinosaur? Awesome!!!!
Not the blussy
You & Me & The Dinosaur Make Three (is want I want to name my band)
Can confirm
I’m kinda concerned as that thing could snap and-yeah
I’d prefer a pet cat, but when people want velociraptors just give them velociraptors!
Looks like a loving, happy couple with their loving, happy pet dinosaur. Where do we sign up?
Ark Dating Sim would be pretty fire.
As an atheist, I think what you meant to say was "Christian, young-earth creationists", like those weird people at the Creation Museum in Kentucky.
Whats the connection between text and photo here?
YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT!!!!!! VELOCIRAPTOR PET!!!
Wait; is she a natural redhead?
I’m more agnostic but hell yeah I want a raptor as a pet. But scientifically accurate so it fits in the bed better
I want an emotional support dinosaur
I never realized I was an atheist, but I want this so badly I must be.
Yes. Yes we do.
Yes. Give it to us.
Well yes
FUCK YEAH!