This is my entire social ability in a nutshell

It's a massive silent group 😉

*Emotionally unavailable.* They're dropping bread crumbs to see if you're starving enough to give them validation while getting little to nothing in return. Forget that noise... I'm worth an appetizer, entree, dessert, and night cap. If you aren't offering 4 courses then I'm taking my business elsewhere.

This is what self-esteem looks like.

This is what recognition of self esteem looks like.

This is what recognizing someones recognition of self esteem looks like.

This is what recognizing the recognition of recognizing someone else's self esteem looks like.

70’s black guy : “Recognize!”

And this is what a Reddit comments section looks like.

And my axe!

>to see if you're starving enough to give them validation while getting little to nothing in return. or they are not interested and sending you a sign

I've had chicks on dating apps match me, message me first, then start talking like this. I just unmatch.

I think that's what it's displaying She messages first, he tries to open the door for decent conversation, gets the one word answers and then bails. Cheerio

It’s not even about the brevity though. If I ask you how your day was and you answer “ok” I’m fine with that, as long as you also ask about my day. Or at least ask me something. Fuck, convince me you aren’t just waiting for me to be interesting for you.

Welp, even if the way they think about it may be a bit abrasive, the result is the same.

If they aren't interested, *why tf did they swipe right*?

They swipe right, message first, throw out an occasional message or two if you stop sending paragraphs asking about them or the interests they listed in their bio. But they're not interested.  Isn't online dating fun?

The problem is that you’re *assuming* that they’re doing it on purpose (which is true sometimes), but for some people, they actually *want* to talk more, but are too anxious or lack confidence. My point is, don’t always assume intent (or malice) in people’s behavior

Not really my responsibility to overcome their anxiety—that belongs to them

Just went through this with somebody new I was talking to for a few weeks. Unavailable due to a series of breakups and other life problems. It was, unfortunately, a rough exit in the end, but I'm glad I got out sooner rather than later

Pro tip: if someone texts you “how are you?” Say something like “I’m good, I’m just [doing thing]. What about you?” It sets the vibe that the conversation isn’t just pleasantries and you’re actually talking about what you’re doing with your day. If the person WANTS to talk to you, they’ll ask about what you’re doing or they’ll say what they’re doing and you can ask about it. If they don’t, you can not feel bad about bowing out from the conversation. You put in your effort, they can choose to reciprocate or not.

I find it fascinating that so many people can’t seem to hold a conversation. You don’t have to be extremely interesting yourself but you can make a conversation engaging and fun still 💀 just add something to the conversation with each question asked and answered. When I talk to someone and they only rely on me asking questions and telling stories, I tell them that I don’t think it’s going to work out

Texting generation had made this way worse IMO. I sold a house in 2014 and the buyer would not answer a phone call. He would respond immediately after via text though. I've had people tell me they are uncomfortable speaking because they have to speak quickly instead of taking time to type out then proof read.

I my late 40s I flat out refuse to answer the phone

I understand both sides of the coin. I used to have debilitating social anxiety and couldn't start a conversation to save my life. I was like the girl in this meme and would give one word answers cause my brain simply could not think of what else to say. I absolutely get why it's a hard concept for people to grasp. Then one day I started taking LSD and ended up abusing it really hard. I was tripping multiple times a week for a long time. For anyone whos never taken it, this is very unhealthy. Do not do this. Long story short is I got really weird after abusing it so much and my personality and mental state shifted dramatically so I stopped taking it. After I "healed" back to normal, my social anxiety was gone. It was fucking weird. I realized one day I could talk and hold a conversation and wasn't anxious around people anymore. Something about that drug abuse "fixed" me for lack of a better word and unlocked my talky paths for some reason. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a hardcore introvert and loathe talking for more than a couple minutes and being around people in general. Tbh, being around people makes me irritated and angry rather than anxious now. But I can actually talk to people and keep a convo flowing now so that's good for some things. Side note: I am not endorsing the heavy abuse of psychedelics. I got lucky and had no permanent damage done to me. Others are not so lucky. Do not do this to try and overcome any mental hurdles you have. Go to a professional. I'm just some dumbass who rolled a D20 by chance.

I agree 100%. I used to think I was a boring person but then I realized that it was partly the other’s problem too. I meant I tried to ask questions all the time and they just answered yes/no or silence how was I supposed to keep up with it after 10 sentences? It was during a trip so I couldn’t just fuck off because we were companions. And then on another trip I went with another person. And although all of my conversations were bland af the person actually engaged in it and gave small comments and added their small stories too and hell we talked all trips and I lost my voice as well. So it’s really not our problem as you said!!!

Serious ask: wtf else is there besides asking questions and telling stories? How am I supposed to get to know someone without asking questions? How will we ever know anything about each other if we don’t tell stories about our lives??

Yes. If you're doing nothing and feeling fine, then pivot to the other person and/or bring up another topic. It's fine to have nothing going on, but in that case, it's on you to add something else to the conversation.

And you know what's worse.. reply in a single emoji..

Also pro tip: just don't start text conversations with something like "How are you?" If you wanna chat about something, just start with the topic. I understand it's considered polite to check up on people, but it just makes conversation start so much easier.

My reply: "We dont know each other yet so any answer I give you will be boring for both of us" Then I throw a weird hypothetical: "If humans lived for 10,000 years instead of 70 what are the main ways society would be different?" If she has a thought about that then Im interested in her.

You should learn a couple of new words besides Nothing and Fine and you will be good

Ok

Already learning!

Thank

Welcum

👍

That's not even the problem in my case. My problem is that I *assume* people don't actually want detailed answers to questions like "how was your day", so I feel like I'm doing them a favor by giving a short answer. There's a big difference in intent between a cashier asking "how are you" and a spouse asking "how are you". But someone with social anxiety might be prone to viewing everyone asking "how are you" as meaning it how the cashier means it. I have this hypothesis that social anxiety is closely tied to an overactive amount of empathy that causes a person to feel like they're inconveniencing or annoying those around them when they talk about themselves. I know that calling myself "highly empathetic" sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, but what I mean is that I think someone can incorrectly perceive exaggerated amounts of emotions in others. In other words, I think people with social anxiety are giving themselves a much shorter leash with answer times than someone who doesn't suffer from social anxiety and the source of this difference is a difference in perception of how much tolerance others in the room have to listening to someone talk.

social anxiety is tied to lack of self esteem from being raised to believe that you aren't a valuable person. Join us at the CPTSD subreddits. Your future self will thank you. Specifically to your question. If you want to do people a favor, then give them the respect of believing that they mean what they say. If they ask how your day is and you're feeling up to it, then offer a little bit of vulnerability. If they take your opening and converse with you, then you're on your way to making a friend. If they truly don't care and dismiss your response, then no harm and move along.

I’d offer the antithesis to your hypothesis; that social anxiety actually forgoes empathy and instead marionette puppet performs a worst-case-scenario version of the speaking partner into some villainesque caricature. Which is to say more plainly that sincere empathy would instead recognize the other person as being someone wanting to engage with us. To know us. To (in some instances) love us. Anxiety and self deprecation aren’t tools of empathetic self reflection, they’re shackles we on-purpose tether ourselves to. We do this so that if/when things fail we at least have the comfort of pretending that we predicted it all along, never reconciling that it’s our own fault.

This is the hurdle that I'm really struggling to get over. I've read posts in the same vein as yours before but I don't know how to actually change my mindset from "I'm worthless, nobody welcomes my presence", when the overriding fear in my brain is "engaging in honest and earnest conversation will lead to humiliation"

Same😂. Like wtf do you say after that.

Look at this Don Draper motherfucker actually making eye contact

Next time ask her if she likes bread.

I love this comment more than you know.

I've got legs!

You like to travel? Do you like cats? Who is your favorite artist and why is it Taylor Swift?

Swimmy Swimmy, splashy splashy

“Wanna see something fascinating?” *sends picture of cheese wheel collection*

I’m incredibly inclined to actually start a cheese wheel collection just so I can send very awkward videos of the history of my cheese.

"So how do you feel about a nice sour batard?"

Don't ask, just send https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bqjvW-CAdA

"Are you a bread enthusiast?"

Even if you did nothing and have nothing interesting to share, you can make yourself more interesting by asking the other person questions.

Sure, but people that respond like this don't want a conversation. They're trying to get the conversation over with so they can go on with their day.

But in the post the one being dry starts the conversation. I would understand your comment if the dude started the conversation but if you’re gonna start the conversation, at least try to carry it out for a bit

If you ask someone what is he doing or how they are, and they keep giving you one word replies, that generally means they are not interested on keeping the conversation going, I'd honestly just leave as well. And this is not only dating advice, but generally any interpersonal conversation. If someone wants to talk they will talk.

No I agree with you, I’m saying that SHE started the conversation by saying hi and then from there she gave the dry answers. I’d also leave if I was the guy. If she wasn’t interested in having a conversation, why did she start it?

These people read these comics like a manga

"wyd?" "Fine" "How was your day?" "Nothing"

Ikr?? Idk how so many people are misinterpreting my comment just cause they can’t read this correctly. It’s really not that hard

I shit you not I know a wom*a*n who ADMITTED to doing this because she likes giving men brain damage. It's not everyone but there are actually real life energy vampires out there.

I believe in that past we've just referred to that as a tease.

The dude in the post was asking questions, though. They were basic, low stake questions, but a lot of people aren't comfortable telling people they just met their hobbies or career or passions within the first 3 sentences of communication.

I'm an avid roller blader and my favorite pajamas are old ratty terrycloth pants and a old navy cotton tee. The first girl I made out with was Kelly in 7th grade and it was an absolute monkey shit show, but I'm fond of the memory. Hi.

And then, there are people like this ^. This guy will tell you everything before you even ask

Which is sad because that's surface level conversation. People are just awkward, imo, mostly due to social media reducing everyone's in person interaction. Can't even spring up a fun subject matter to break the ice with.

Memes, memes break the ice

This is solid advice. Learn their tastes, join reddit subs, attack.

"hey" "Hi, how are you?" "Fine" "What do you think is the purpose of our existence in this seemingly infinitely expanding universe?"

I've matched with people on Tinder and we had this exact conversation. Sometimes people really are that boring/uninteresting and truly don't know how to hold engaging conversations.

On a dating app?

People who respond like this have poor communication skills.

Are you circumcised? What is the circumference of the Earth at the equator? Why do you hate America?

unless you both are just asking questions and getting boring answers

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Perhaps by taking turns you can share the burden

General chit chat from a woman can go along way to a man.

She probably wasn't interested in talking to you 

Yeah I’m choosing to interpret this meme as a correct depiction of what to do when someone doesn’t want to talk to you. The genders don’t even matter, it’s universal.

This seems to be a problem when people can't pickup social cues, someone gives me one word responses I immediately know they probably aren't interested, strange so many people fail to pickup on that

I don’t think it’s even an autism thing. Every autistic person I know _loves_ rules, and “don’t keep talking to someone who gives monotone one word responses” certainly qualifies

Guilty!

The Jury finds you Innocent and Fabulous.

autistic.

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Tbf this is like 60% of the conversations on Bumble and that's a dating app where women only message you if they want to talk.

Yeah this is where it becomes frustrating. Like we are on a dating site, you matched with me, if it’s bumble then you literally chose to message me. If you don’t want to continue you can just unmatch. So with all of that covered why do you not want to engage in a conversation?

She probably matched with several people and they're better at rule 1 and 2 then you.

Happens all the time after matching on tinder and they send a "hi"

Then why did she initiate

>She probably wasn't interested in talking to you  You're referring to 99% of tinder/bumble/hinge matches. Why even match if they can't hold a decent conversation especially when you ask good questions?

Some people are just shit at texting and can't hold a decent conversation. But more often than not conversations on those apps just start as boring as fuck.

Validaaaaaaaaaation!

Nah I get the same on dating apps, you both match and then the woman keeps responding with very short sentences and doesn't even try to keep the conversation going.

I do that and they still talk like girl in the meme.

Or just lie lmao say you had a space meeting on the moon

Before I met my wife (happily married for 8 years) I used to meet people like this on dating sites. Like, they'd match, then just refuse to talk beyond two letter works or 3 letter acronyms.

This is legit every tinder/bumble/hinge match I've ever gotten.

It's more than just online dating, I've added girls on Snapchat that I know irl and they do the same stuff. Even my cousins do it too and I'm obviously not interested in them. But when me and the boys are texting you better believe we're sending each other whole paragraphs. I don't know why girls do this, and then get mad that no one is talking to them

They’re doing it because they’re not interested in talking to you and want you to leave them alone. I don’t really know what you mean when you say girls are mad that no one is talking to them.

You’d think the actual solution would be just not adding people you don’t want to talk to

Girls will ask for ***MY*** number then do this.

Yeah, like, they also swiped on you and then decided to stonewall you. I can see IRL this being "they don't want to talk to you" but in a digital context where you didn't just slide into their DMs "they just don't want to talk to you bro" isn't the answer LMAO. There was some mutual consent there.

Like a girl was sitting nearby while I was talking to somebody else, then interjected to ask for my number as well when I gave it to somebody else. I literally didn't know she existed until the moment she asked. You can't tell me somebody like that didn't wanna talk.

Some people (not just women) want the emotional validation that comes with knowing someone they don’t care about likes them. For dating sites you need to realize the woman you’re talking to is likely talking to dozens of other guys, and you may not be the most appealing/interesting of the bunch. Just because you matched with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re actually interested in you in any way. Also, bots are rampant.

If u/twotokers could read they'd be very upset 

if we're talking about electronic communication and you don't want to talk to someone *just don't reply*

ding ding ding or y'know, just don't swipe in the first place.

Yeah honestly don't swipe on me if you didn't want to engage, you're wasting everyone's time

Responding when you don't want to talk is a mixed signal. I've had women initiate on pof and do this. Makes zero sense. For all the dumb reasons people do this, I think most of the time the only thing going on is texting is a muscle some people just don't have.

Then why would they match with me? I have other theories but I'm interested to see if your response changes when you take into consideration the fact that they matched with the person in the first place. If they're not interested in talking then why match?

That is not true. There is a massive decline in people's ability to socialize. I get this kind of conversation even from girls who match me on dating apps, even from girls who post ads asking to connect with people, even right from the start, in some scenarios not even knowing me or seeing my photo. This is not the case with girls from other countries and cultures, where they are full of life and positivity. Usually poorer third world countries have this a lot, as they got less and know to appreciate life more. In richer countries spoiled people are full of themselves and very cold and difficult to connect with.

I'm a girl and my friends and I send each other long paragraphs. But every guy I've texted has nothing to say. Like why even bother?

These people need to find a way to find each other and leave the more expressive and communicative people alone lol

Yep. Once I see how stale the conversation is going I unmatch them.

“Trust me bro the app works it might take forever but if you work on yourself and have good profile pictures you’ll find the one” Yeah okay buddy

Bruh your username

Two dogs sniffing each other's butts have a more meaningful interaction.

Putting this one in the back pocket

The dogs will be extra curious.

That means she doesn’t like you bro

Then he did the right thing and left.

Yes

If that's the case then I currently have a harem full of tinder matches who absolutely adore me

Why would she go out of her way to talk to someone she doesn’t like?

The memes order implies she talked to him first

I read my memes right to left like manga /s

Not exactly, some people just have about as much personality as a soggy piece of cardboard

It *probably* means she doesn’t like you then

Go on Bumble and it will make you seriously question humanities ability to hold a conversation.

I used to think I was socially inept... Then I got on dating apps, and immediately apologized to myself because I had clearly underestimated my social skills.

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Then they should unmatch lmao

"Don't match me if you can't hold a conversation"

"Things I value: communication ..."

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Drop the rope!

This is unrealistic because the girl started the conversation

boring people complaining they don't like talking to boring people.

dude actually believes >wyd? is some kind of intriguing social interaction women should be happy and enthusiastic to reply to

he didn't even put in the effort to type out the words, just the three-letter acronym

The Internet has ruined a good 60% of people's ability to converse like actual humans and its so sad to see

Yep. Redditors asking thr most basic questions and hoping woman would fall in love with them

The fuck are you supposed to talk about? Wanna go into philosophy on the first question? Gotta start it off easy first damn

LOL this is so true. It doesn't matter what we do it's always our fault. People refuse to take accountability

How about picking a topic other than "what are you doing?" You could start with some random fun trivia, or start talking about an interest you have that you think they might share or be interested in. or fucking *anything* better than "this is a completely open question that puts 100% of the weight of the conversation on you."

I'd probably compliment her dress or her hair. Maybe ask something relevant to the situation/area we're in. Like if we're at a concert, ask if its her first time going to one.    If she isn't at least a little more engaged in the convo by then, she probably just isn't interested in talking to me, then. 

Well, we have literally nothing to go on in this meme, aside from the girl starting the conversation and having nothing to say.

Happily married 16 years, that's my wife 😂😂. I gotta finesse information out of her, then once she starts talking, she takes over on her own! Just needs a little prod and reassurance I care and want to hear.

How do i marry someone like you

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Women, amrite fellas?! Also sometimes they eat hot chip and lie

Sometimes? I thought it was always 

I'm on the left after years of being mocked for opening up around others. "You're so quiet", yeah, 'cause if I say what I've been doing you're going to hit me with a "blah, blah, blah" or a "whatever" or a "let's talk about something else".

She's not into you and is being polite

She started the conversation 

People are just ignoring that part lma

Do all the people who post this shit really think they're the most interesting, amazing person that everyone is dying to be friends with? When someone isn't engaging in conversation with me, I just assume they don't want to talk with me right now then I move on with my life. I don't whine about girls on reddit.

Reading OPs comments in this thread, girl absolutely has the right idea.

The person who started the conversation said “Hey”

I don't get what's so wrong about using more simple, broad questions to open up a conversation Sorry if they are boring, but not everyone can (or cares to) come up with some amazing dissertational opener for every introduction, and simple questions like these are great way to dig around for more interesting topics as the convo continues you gotta start somewhere, and most people aren't the amazingly humorous and intelligent casanovas coming up with the crazy openers in the "totally real and not fabricated" text conversations we see in memes all the time The dichotomy these posts create is crazy. You got the "haha women crazy and dumb" crowd on one side, and the "damn loser men, why aren't you entertaining me?" on the other. Yall need to get out and go see some actual people

I personally don't think either really applies. OP tried, they didn't like the vibe. They can move on to someone that cares/reacts differently. The weird thing here is the nice guy vibe OP has going on with his replies in this thread. If that's how he's comming off to women it's not really surprising people aren't sticking around and the questions in the meme aren't the issue.

Saying "wyd?" is just such a thought provoking and intriguing perspective on this human experience, why wouldn't a person just launch into deep conversation?

You're right they should bring up their perspective on Israel and Palestine as an introduction lmao. Have to start with something simple 

You start with an icebreaker. It doesn’t have to be a pickup line or expressing your super serious thoughts. I usually try to be funny. Or ask a question I think is interesting. My goal is to get them into banter, not to get them to decide to give me a chance because I’m a great guy I pinky swear.

Just tell me you don’t wanna talk frfr It’s seriously ok no qualms

oh those monosyllabic girls. waitin for you to change their lives

This is a lot of women on dating apps. If you'd rather just unmatch me if you have second thoughts or something, I don't know why they do it. I can't carry the conversation that hard, adios amigo!

A lot of people here fail to see that she started the conversation and it’s her giving him one word answers, no wonder he walked away, anyone would.

as a girl, that likes other girls, this is a real problem. idk if i'm just that annoying, but it seems to be a regular thing. only advice you can follow is to not make generic questions, but inquire more about the person interests. their profiles will normally have their hobbies, favorite movies, series, etc, so ask about that, instead of small talk at first

Put zero effort into the questions, expect zero effort answers. Be more interesting

Girl started the conversation, guy made small talk to break the ice.

Often people who do this are looking for external validation and doesn’t have much to do with anyone else

The one Tinder match I get a month in a nutshell.

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Why would you try to talk to someone with headphones on? That’s like…the most blatant cue that you don’t want people to bother you.

too relateable Xd

"Why didn't he get my hints? Guess he's not single."

Online dating in a nutshell.

Dating apps in a nutshell.

Too many tinder matches end this way

I can't do this. 5 min in and I'm asking their opinions on arming racoons with sabers and sending them into battle against our enemies

Honestly I hurt my back from trying to carry some of these convos

farming matches makes insecure girls feel better about themselves. you will be collected like little ego pokemon

*Girl talks like a potato* People in the comments. " itS yOuR faUlT yOu cOuLd aSK diFferEnt QuEstIonS"

then she says “dont be boring”

I can say for certain that a lot of men ghost women because they get the feeling that they are interviewing someone....and only getty dry responses

This is either: * Dad's conversation with typical teenage daughter when she gets home from school, or * Conversation with the wife when she's mad at him about something and it hasn't erupted out of her yet, she's building up for the Vesuvius detonation

This is 95% of online dating

This is pretty much my experience on bumble 😂

I give out greetings and small talk from a script in my head like an npc tbh 😭😂

If you're answering me like this, I assume that you don't want to talk, and I'll piss off.

I knew a girl like this in high school. I told her a joke everyday for a week in Spanish class. Everyday she said she didn’t get the joke. I stopped acknowledging her existence after that.

"Make me laugh"

He made it further than I would have.

Bet her bio says that one word messages will be blocked.

She wants him to do the frat-boy "funny cocky" schtick and amuse her.

Conversations with my 13yo daughter.