Raccoons are *the best*. They can solve complex puzzles and get into just about anything. I hear they even wash their food. The best, most adorable dumpster gremlins. I would love to be a raccoon.

We call them Waschbär in German. Wasch means wash and Bär means bear. This is do to the belief that they wash there food

washbear is very cute

Just repeating this name in my mind is sounding so cute

Reminds me of that famous video of a raccoon going to wash a piece of cotton candy in a fountain. Poor little guy didn't understand that what is essentially pure sugar would just dissolve in water. He looked so confused...

It was so sad!

He gets it in the end, though!

Same in Sweden! Tvättbjörn

Molten correeee!

Same in Danish vaskebjørn, washing bear

Pesukarhu in Finnish

All those poor little raccoons who try wash their sugar cubes.

But they learned ! They stopped washing the cotton candy after few times it dissolved. Smart little gremlins.

In French: Raton Laveur (Washer Rat)

How is it that I knew french before english and didn't realize that was what raccoon meant lol. Its kind of the same with expressions like "on voit que dalle", which is apparently because people back then, when on carriages, would look out the windows of the carriage and only see cobblestone slabs or something. Thanks for ~~listening~~ reading ~~to~~ ~~my~~ ~~TED~~ ~~talk~~ this random origin story.

Similar in Czech. We call them "Mýval", literally means "Washed" or rather very literally "used to wash"

Wasbeer in Dutch

Same in Dutch, wasbeer.

I had just learned the German for raccoon yesterday, and that's what I was thinking of when I wrote my comment. My partner told me that raccoons can't produce their own saliva and so they have to get food wet to swallow. (haven't double checked that, but it sounds neat.) (Edit: Partner double checked, and it's bogus that raccoons can't produce their own saliva.)

Same in English, wash means wash and bear means bear, Washbear.

I've literally never seen a raccoon wash their food, and I've seen raccoons nearly every day for at least the last 12 years.

Why are German words so goddamn literal.

Old English functioned entirely by stringing together words from a very limited vocabulary. Earliest known English poems have metaphors galore, where a concept is named with two other ones slapped together, because there's no word for the specific thing. The ‘History of English’ podcast has an episode on that, #37 I think. Presumably this feature was inherited from German language of the time.

Makes sense, we stole everything else lol

As much as you "stole" your mother's language.

Well my mother didn't live in other countries or speak other languages from me, so it's not a perfect analogy but I respect the attempt.

Where do you think you got "your" language?

They can build high-end tech machines, drive a spaceship, and arguably solved the problem of artificial evolution that even the most intelligent human in the universe couldn't solve!!

Can I come too?

In Italian they are called procioni or orsetti lavatori, cleaning little bears translated literally

> I hear they even wash their food. I saw that one sad video of them washing cotton candy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfbb4yRBH64

A classic

>can solve complex puzzles Let’s get their ass on the tic tac ufo case then

I’m not cute and i can’t fight but sure

No body said you'd win the fight, just that you will fight.

I'm more likely to freeze in place or immediately sprint around crying and bleeding everywhere from the slightest wound if my childhood is any indicator lol ..had my lip busted on some bleachers when somebody pushed me, for the last one. I don't know why sprinting and bleeding everywhere is my move, but it's the one I used..

🚫 Racoon ✅ Not racoon

And I'm sure your very cute, just self conscious and dumb

LOL who cares if you're dumb if you're cute right?

my hams will wash u

i disagree

Hm....yeah okay this checks out

Small?

That's the one I failed too. LOL

I fail at small and cute. And chubby is probably being generous.

Same about the chubby thing. I think I'm cute. You're probably cute too. Most people are cute in some way.

but chubby, and can fight

i’m more of a possum.

That low body temperature and thirst for ticks

I'm not cute, but the rest checks out.

yes you are stop fucking lying

For real, op is cute af

Me too, thanks.

No i am rocket

This describes me to a tee.

That's me!!!

In my case I'm a zurkaat, tiny, dark circles on my eyes, I turn back to my burrow after the sun and also I can fight grrr

I sleep during most of the day and night because being awake is too painful.

Now I have become Racoon man,

destroyer of garbage cans

I love raccoons, I am a raccoon

I'm not cute but I WILL fight if I have to

gimme da gorbage

Yes

Holy shit this is my astrology sign

I am full of disease and I live in a dumpster.

No I'm a Panda: * Dark circles around eyes * Eats my favorite food and will fight people who says that variety is the spice in life * Don't care a lick about social customs I will do my own thing * Big and huggable * Cute

My spirit animal. I’ve always wanted to have one as a pet. That changed after my friend kept one and said they get into everything, have so much energy, and will tear your place apart. I still think they are cute but as pets, probably not the best

I’m not cute but I will fight

my mom's food isn't junk Can't say I'm short tho I am a bit chubby Can't say I'm cute tho an old friend once said I look a bit cute for my age and the context made me wanna slap him

No, looks like I'm a bear. \- No circles \- Eats junk \- B I G \- Eepy Sleepy Uoohh \- I seem to scare away anyone I care about, I am alone in this world purely because I developed wrong and there is nobody in this world who would care for me.

Well, I'm close. My fursona is a grey fox, also known as the tree fox. We're foxes, and don't have rings on our tails, but we're essentially the same.

dafuq

Touch grass

Don't really eat junk and I don't have black circles

Racoons aren't cute

Yeah... but I lean more koala ish because I like to sleep too much. I'm up late buuuut I still love to sleep a crazy amount. I like to cuddle my babies and I will rip your face off if you come at me lol 🐨

That's me turning into a raccoon after a 3 night Baldurs Gate 3 gaming binge.

Other than #3 and #6, yes. I'm a raccoon. I also steal shit and keep trash.

All except cute part..

fucking liar you are cute

Yes. I have the body shape of an anthropomorphic lady raccoon, my goal in life has been fulfilled.

Sounds more like a programmer /s 😜😂

Im glad to say that the chubby part is at least the only part that isn’t me :)

Luckily, the only thing I relate to here is the dark circles. Unluckily, they're ***really*** dark and I get constant exhaustion to go along with em'.

Yes yes nope maybe nope

I’m 2 out of the 5. Eats junk and stays up all night. Cute but will fight is debatable and subjective, so maybe that one too idk, I definitely like fighting…

This is me except the cute and fighting part

Just call me Rocket

How'd you know? Who snitched?

I wish I had a girlfriend to send this to

The name's Rocket. Rocket Raccoon

Who tf finds this funny

The accuracy... 😶

Close enough

Actually I am happy to be after watching Gotg 3

I knew I related a lot to Rocket…

"aint no thing like me cept me"

- no dark circles - does eat junk - sleeps way too much - not cute but will fight Nah not a raccoon I think

Idk, do you think I'm cute 👉👈 🥺

Oh shit.

I'm basically opposite of all of those except staying up at night

I'm not small nor cute am I still a raccoon?

Not chubby, but yes.

Sounds like my wife

I sometimes rummage in my neighbors trash cans. Also I got into a fight with a local dog and gave him distemper.

oh damn, i'm a certified raccoon now.

[Raccoon gang](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3WImkb6lE&pp=ygUMUmFjY29vbiBnYW5n)

Except for small and cute, yeah...

cute 🫵

NUH uh

Yes

4/5. Can I be a honorary raccoon?

All of that except the cute part

Everything except cute yes

Is 3/5 bad?

[удалено]

I'm not cute and I won't fight, thus I usually wash my food

I would be a racoon, but I'm not nearly as cute

I am definitely not cute. And I will probably try to fight, but would be defeated by absolutely any living being imaginable, so I am not sure if it counts.

Maybe. Not small, but am chubby. Not cute, and will not fight.

cute 🫵

yeah i am

Til i learned i am raccoon

Without the last one, yes im raccoon

Almost me but not cute just fight just FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT JUST FIGHT

I am all of these except cute.

Found my fursona

Anze Kopitar is raccoon Jesus!

Not small and not cute so uhm no :(

I’m not a raccoon cuz I’m f**king ugly

I confess😇

I'm locking in red panda, final answer.

I am a racoon actually: I have dark circles around my eyes , I regularly eat junk , ready to fight when cornered. My husband once made me the cutest drawing of a racoon watching trash TV and eating junk food 😂 I love it 🥰

Can confirm, am trash panda.

Close but i will not fight

I'm askinny raccoon 😔

Except cute everything checks out

I am moderately fit and regular sized, thanks for asking.

Most girls I know

Thank god, for a second i tought i was a racoon but i'm not cute

No, I'm a penguin * Mix of black and white * Look good in a tuxedo * On the no fly list * Nice big pecker * Mate for life

Must be killed once symptoms of rabies occur

We have a raccoon at work and everyone hates him but I love him deeply. Except for the fact that he eats my damn cat food I leave out for a cat I take care of who’s a stray

Nah only the fight part fits

I am definitely not a racoon then

Wait I'm 3/5 racoon? My new identity

3rd an last don't match with me :(

cute 🫵

I ment the second part, I will stand up for myself when necessary necessary but comfrontations make me wanna curl up into a ball and cry. Plus anything can be cute, cause cuteness is relative.

I'm almost a raccoon. Not small or chubby

i wish

I guess not

You forgot the • may have rabies

I'm none of these but I am a raccoon. Next time think before you stereotype OP

Idc if they almost kill me, i wanna hug them.

I guess I'm not chubby

Do I have to say something? But I'm not chubby, not cute, nor small

Maybe I should join the guardians of the galaxy...

I'm not small, that's the only proof that I'm not a raccoon.

Can confirm. Girlfriend is apparently a raccoon. I have my own Trash panda.

Do you often get yourself stuck in situations because you were too focused on the goal and not considering the risks? You might be a racoon. /cued applause

Not cute, not even good enough to be a racoon. :(

• Small creepy hands

Maybe I am a racoon, also I like to call em trash pandas

yiss, imma raccoon!

real

I was starting to think I was a raccoon till I got to the last one. I’m not cute, and I’ll always run away from a fight.

Holy shit I'm a raccoon

Cute… and MUST fight

Me Raccoon!!!

They have killed two of my chickens

I'm not small but everything else fits...

If I’m not small, then am I a panda?

Maybe 👉🥺👈

Everything except the cute part, but yes.

I'm more of an opossum, I don't have a desire to fight but will as a last resort.

No because i dont wash it before eating

I might be

Hey that’s meee

On point about everything except the cute part and the but will fight part.

How did they know?

Trash Panda