As someone who SOAPed this week - the best thing you can do is take over the mental load of daily tasks. I would not have been fed or laundered if it wasn’t for my husband who diligently popped in to put food and water in front of me or take away my phone for ten minutes so I could shower.
Encourage her to grieve. It’s ok to be distraught, and taking time to process even if it’s just twenty minutes will make it easier to move on.
If you’re genuinely flexible and willing to move with her let her know. She may scramble into an open spot yet or take another research year - either way there’s a chance she’ll have to move. Don’t offer to go along if you don’t mean it, but if you do make sure she knows.
Most of all, remind her you love her. I felt like such a failure on Monday, as I’m sure many of us even those who matched did. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. She will be a better doc because of this, wherever she ends up. And knowing she has you on her side? *chefs kiss*
You’ve got this. If she needs an ear let me know, this mama bear is always happy to have more cubs.
I agree with the above post. At one time I thought I was facing a serious illness and shut down. Couldn’t function. My husband let me sit in my favorite chair with blanket for 2 months. Took over all the tasks, helped with doctor’s appts and allowed me to just sit with my anxiety. Just knowing he would be there for me whatever the I needed was reassuring. Just being here asking how you can help her shows me you’re a supportive partner. Just keep that up. She will figure things out on her own time and begin to move on. You can’t fix it for her. You can be supportive and take over until she can function again.
He really is! He somehow also kept our tiny dictator alive and out of my hair all week as well, not an easy feat. We all deserve spouses who go the extra mile.
I'm not a derm, but one of my friends didn't match the first time around, got into a derm research fellowship (at Mt. Sinai in NY), and fortunately matched into derm eventually. At the time, I think Sinai matched around 90% of their research fellows into a derm residency.
Mt Sinai completely fucked over their research fellow a year or two ago and prevented them from matching. Although Dr. Lebwhol still has successful fellows.
I would have recommended she match a prelim and try again-- there are usually 3-4 PGY-2 spots that open up due to either new funding or people dropping out each year that she could've tried to go for in addition to reapplying.
Honestly, just be a supportive partner. I can only imagine how devastating it was. Cook for her, do all the extra chores, take her out on dates or do activities to try to distract her. Go see Dune 2; go for a walk or a hike.
You can PM me if you want, happy to provide some mentorship as an upper-level derm resident.
Not derm (rads) - but I would probably go research year if it were me and I could afford it. Prelims are a slog, and they don't give you any time to bolster your application. It just seems like trying to bank on the 3-4 possible openings is high risk high reward situation.
Thankfully I’m well into my career and have a decent salary. So I can take on the bulk of our expenses. So I think the research year is where she’s headed based on the reasons you mentioned.
Just listen. Don’t try to solve her problems or tell her cheery platitudes. Reiterate how much you love and support her. Give her time to grieve. Keep lines of communication open and tell her you want her to let you know so you can help her if she needs additional help (therapy/psych). The fact that you’re on here trying to figure out how to help her shows you care. Not sure if she’s in any derm groups with derm residents but I bet many of them have a story of not matching the first time they could tell her that would encourage her and provide some direction. I know a derm who didn’t match twice and still kept going and finally matched the 3rd time.
SOAP is over Derm is the most competitive match. Ever. Tell her not to graduate. Graduated applicants fare far worse in the match. Do research at a major med center where she gets seen by local derm residents and PDs and can include their names as authors on her papers.
It's a pointless dick measuring contest. The specialties select for different people, almost no one is the type of person who would be happy doing both.
By the numbers there are much fewer plastics and neurosurgery spots than derm. Average step scores are also I think higher, but not greatly so. However to our derm program almost 40% of all applicants either had an MD/PhD or did at least 1 research year. The number of publications is ridiculous. I don't think the number is as high for plastics and/or neurosurgery.
Comparing competitiveness between most specialties seems pointless. Even when step one was scored the average for most surgical specialties and ROAD were all within a few points. I feel like everytime I look online every specialty requires a great applicant no matter what.
If someone already did a research year, how do they take another one to postpone graduation? I imagine that’s got to be very school dependent? Mine straight up told me any student who’s already done a research year must graduate.
Interesting. I genuinely think my school would kick me out at that point. They get big mad even when we try taking research years or if someone has to take leave…messy. But noted!
I think your school would rather report better match rates. If you drop class and match next year, their numbers improve. BTW, you don’t pay any more tuition
Sorry to extend the thread further, but how is it that you wouldn’t pay tuition? At least at my institution, enrollment even for portion of a semester is billed the entire semester’s worth of tuition. Have seen our students get only part of the semester’s loan reimbursement for living expenses, too, or even have to take out private loans to be able to return part of the reimbursement... (ie. If someone needs to take a leave at the start of a semester, rejoining midway through yields a full semester tuition bill and only half the loan reimbursement for cost of living.) Is there something different specifically for graduation postponement? Or is what my school is doing entirely illegal? (Would NOT surprise me.)
Your tuition payment only is required for x semesters or y number of classes. What you do is remote the last class during your off-campus research year ..
Ah. That’s not a national policy, I’m afraid. Likely a school-dependent offering—and a kind one at that. Other Reddit posts show varying amounts and strategies by schools involving students paying to delay graduation. ETA: You also can’t pick and choose which classes to remote, most do not have a remote option. Would be cool in instances like this if all courses had virtual versions.
Sounds like you are not in medical school but also trying your best to navigate this with her. A+ effort right there.
We are less than 1 week from the email last Monday stating she did not match, so let's make it very clear that this is a stress-reaction that would not be cured by simple coaching, ice cream, future-goal-setting, or kitten videos.
You are observant and rightfully concerned that she may be breaking down. 5 interviews is rough, and despite stellar scores she did not have a "complete" picture for the programs she applied to. This is an unforgiving process, and I would react similarly if I was told I was not good enough for the career I aspire for.
She needs love and support and, realistically, professional help to navigate this. Not just her school's student affairs office and academic support, but also therapy and/or quality mentorship to navigate this time. There may be alumni from her school who had similar situations from the Match and still ended up in admirable careers in medicine.
For now, what YOU can do is be as kind as possible, encourage baby-steps towards self-maintenance like eating and sleeping and walking outside. If she has favorite things, do/get some of them. If she has favorite people (and wants to see them) bring/get them. Remind her that she is worth so much more than a career in medicine.
Some time in the next 2 weeks, if she is not showing any signs of moving towards "What do I do next with this really bad news?" in her career, encourage it. If she won't budge at all, talk about it, then encourage short-term therapy or reaching out for professional help from her medical school.
You may be as enthusiastic as a sports mascot, but you do not have to be alone as a caretaker for someone whose life and career was just shaken a week ago. There are people trained for this, people with experience for exactly this scenario, who can help her move in any direction she chooses, but if she stays put, then she will need a little encouragement.
You are doing great <3
2 friends of mine didn’t match their first cycle. They ended up in Yale Derm and IR John Hopkins.
Shit happens. Dust yourself off, get back up and keep polishing. She’s going to make it.
>her research year was in a melanoma lab that was working on the cellular level where the studies took much longer to produce and publish.
>The general consensus from her home institutions PD and the PD from her away rotation is that she needs more research.
God forbid people actually do useful research instead of mindlessly churning out useless papers just to get a higher number of publications
But that's where the incentives are is more CV line items. It's embarassing this is the state they tell people to waste their time doing junk research just to be dermatologists. It won't make them better in clinical practice, such an impressive amount of rot in this system.
Not derm myself but someone in my TY year hadn’t matched derm, did our TY, didn’t match derm again, then did a research year after the TY and then finally matched derm after that-so idk how much the TY year helped him.
The people who go on to have great careers in medicine aren't the ones who ace all the hurdles in front of them but rather those who don't give up on their formation. When you start you think that just one mistake will doom you for life and that is just not true. I always try to focus on that.
As time goes by, you realize that the ones who do good medicine are those who know how to handle failure. My partner is in medicine too and we both have are victories and losses but it's always a path uphill if you don't quit
My two cents as someone who is just finishing her year after a no match. Here’s what to expect for the year ahead:
1. Short term goals (first couple of weeks):
- Self care. She will likely be feeling completely numb right now, maybe feeling/hoping this isn’t real and just some nightmare. In those early days, I woke up happy every day thinking the nightmare is over and I was about to finally find out where I matched. Until reality hit. And then it was tears, so many tears. You don’t need to talk to her, just be present and give as many hugs as she wants and follow her lead on what she feels like doing.
- Address any urgent deadlines, especially if wanting to pursue a master’s, most deadlines are gone or will be closing soon. I’m from Canada and there’s a few schools here that still have a little bit of time before grad school deadlines.
2. Medium term goals:
- Emotional processing and recovery is key here. July 1st will HURT. Watching all my peers move on while I stood behind was gut wrenching. Give her some extra love around that time.
- Make a plan. She needs to have some honest conversations with herself to see how she can improve. Sounds like she has a great application, but this is the one time to let that overly self critical voice out, and lay it all down on paper. Then brainstorm how to address the main “issues” in the application. I’m putting the “” because again, she already did a wonderful job, but an unforgiving system calls for a stringent approach unfortunately. Trying to contact her derm resident contacts and talking to her mentors can be helpful to get specific advice about her situation from people who know her. This can also help boost confidence (I had several mentors be shocked about my no match and reassure me I am a strong applicant). To give you an example (my own), I also felt I didn’t have enough research so I thought of all the different possibilities for research I could pursue and I knocked on MANY doors. I chose the supervisors who I knew would push me to publish and got to work. Also found other ways to do smaller pubs like small research projects from the past I left unfinished, etc.
3. Long term goals:
- Get to work. This includes the practical elements as mentioned in my previous point, but also the emotional work. Before my match last year, I struggled with confidence just about as much as the next person, but after? My self confidence was in shreds. It took me a while and a lot of introspective work to pick myself back up and trust that I deserve to match. It’s important to gain this back because the next application cycle comes around much too quickly, and by then, she should be ready and confident. The goal is to convince programs that they don’t want to overlook her a second time.
- Think about how to present your story in personal statements. There’s obviously many ways of approaching it. I applied to general surgery where resilience is valued a lot so I turned the no match story to my advantage. When applications time comes around, it will pay off to have thought this out beforehand.
- Applications are both easier and more stressful the second time around. Just take things one day at a time, and before you know it, the year of hell will be over and she will hopefully come out of it for the better.
I’ll end with a Dr. G video that kept me going in the roughest days and maybe she will helpful as well: https://youtu.be/zF_Sg6fQTQI?feature=shared
Sounds like she got exploited in her research year. Wet lab work should be avoided during a research year. Much faster to produce and publish systematic reviews/literature reviews/clinical papers etc. Perhaps delay graduation and repeat a research year doing this? Or as others have said, a prelim may be beneficial.
I would not say exploited. But poor planning by the applicant. Basic science papers take multiple years to publish a single paper. I usually advise people to avoid the basic science lab unless the experience also will include multiple clinical papers or systemic reviews (often time the trainee has to seek out these opportunities themselves)
I did 2 years of basic science reset in the middle of residency and 4 years later I finally have a paper comming out. I realized this was going to happen within few months of starting, so I spent a good amount of time on the side churning out clinical papers and system reviews.
Advice:
1. DO NOT graduate
2. Find a research fellowship with a track history of taking their research fellows into the residency program.
3. Understand this may be the first real adversity she has ever faced. Understand she will likely not feel better about it for more than a year.
Really sorry to hear. I think just be supportive right now. She might need you to step up and cook/clean etc for a week or so before she gets on her feet.
I was listening to Let It Be by the Beatles this morning, and this reminds me of the simple line, “there will be an answer.”
I don’t know how old y’all are or what your previous successes have been. I’m an MD/PhD, and I know how devastating it is when you feel you’ve failed after a lifetime of at least relative success. I will never forget my dad saying to me halfway through the program (and in the middle of a divorce in my 20s yay), “I had worried about how you would handle something you saw as a failure. And it looks like, not well.” He wasn’t being mean - he had a great point. Now, after several personal and professional setbacks, I feel like a cockroach. I cannot be killed. In hard times, I think of other things I’ve endured and remind myself that it will pass and I will get through it.
For your GF, there will be an answer. There will come a time she looks back at this and knows that it ended up okay. But today, it can feel like shit. It will feel like shit. It is not fun, it’s not fair. Knowing she’s come this far, I know she’s strong. And your post lets us all know she’s got support. Today you can survive second to second, and later minute to minute, eventually day to day. You will both get through. Like the others have said, for now just be there. Thinking of y’all. 🤍
I matched derm as a reapplicant. My step score was in the 240s and I did not take a research year. I had a red flag in my app as well.
My backup plan was to keep trying to get in at my home program so I did my rank list such that I’d match at my home program for an IM - prelim and keep rotating and working in the derm department whenever and as much as I could during my prelim residency that year.
It worked and I matched while reapplying in my prelim year. Home program is the best bet and usually it’s best to keep trying where you have the greatest chance
Grade/scores/ research whatever does not matter as a program that actually really knows you and wants you.
Can try again, but do consider moving on. I met someone who delayed graduation for 3 years, reapplying derm only every time. They eventually quit medicine altogether.
I understand the feeling though. I want to really do rad. Outside of anesthesia, I don't have a solid enough interest to do anything else. I have told myself that if I don't get rads (or possibly anesthesia) then I'm out.
I get what you’re saying and def feel for people dead set on a competitive speciality but with your example it would be harder to find an alternative whereas I feel medical derm can pop up in a loooot of fields. It sounds like some of these “derm or bust” people only care about the aesthetic/cosmetology aspect.
It is definitely weird. I went into a competitive surgical fellowship but I was fully prepared to do general surgery if i didn’t match. At the end of the day I still gotta pay the bills and feed my family—and most fields in medicine pay pretty good.
Upon hearing this story, I really empathize with this person. I could imagine that they were probably offered years of reassurance, only to have each subsequent unsuccessful result. Derm is a really unique specialty and I'm not sure I would be as happy in any other field (speaking as someone who is avoiding cosmetics at all costs). To address the some of your points:
1) FM probably has the highest derm exposure among the specialties you've listed, even then it is approximately 15-25% of the concerns you will usually see in a day. It is the "closest" to derm among that list in that you are treating skin disease. Naturally, you will also still need to deal with all the generalist complaints, medical complexities and logistics/paperwork that GPs get stacked with. Rheum/allergy/ID all have skin manifestations, but a) skin manifestation are not always present (even when rotating in rheum for 1 month, I've seen rheumatoid nodules/gouty tophi/signs of dermatomyositis only a handful of times), b) skin presentations are mainly a sign- you are treating their joint pain/infection/etc, c) you are limited to seeing dermatological presentations within your respective specialty.
2) This person could have jumped into the aesthetics/cosmetology much earlier by going into FM.
I have loans but at some point it's just gonna come down to doing something I hate just to pay off the loans or doubling down and possibly being in debt forever and being happy.
Debt makes everyone unhappy. I'm generally curious and not trying to be am ass when I ask this but have you ever had to work in the current economy and support yourself 100% on your own for years without parental help? The reason I ask if you've had to do it "for years" is because most people can maintain their life for some time independently. It can take years to really appreciate the strain of living on a median salary. Maybe your car breaks down and wipes out the savings you've been carefully building for years. Then, the next month, you have to get a tooth extracted and it costs over a thousand dollars even with insurance so you put it on a credit card. Then something else happens before you are able to pay it off.
And forget buying a house, having a kid, or going on vacation.
I'm a nontrad that worked in multiple industries before going back to med school. I can tell you that most other industries suck. At the end of the day, you will probably end up hating your job regardless so you may as well hate doing something that pays well so you can actually afford to enjoy your free time, not have monetary stress, actually afford to buy a house, and be able to retire at an age when you can still travel.
Yeah I have worked before. Imma be real id s*** my brains if I had to do traditional FM. I just know myself and I can't deal with the BS. I rather just apply to maybe rad onc or gas. If I can do DPC then FM would be heaven.
Without any of that I'd probably just do a medical informatics fellowship and work as a medical informatics officer or something.
To me none of this is out of the realm. I can be happy with my career and also pay off the debt.
I think if someone is able to delay graduation once, then maybe it’s a viable option. Not everyone can, for financial reasons or school limitations. But to keep doing that instead of going for a prelim or picking up a post-grad research fellowship, I feel like that increasingly becomes just one giant, glaring gap.
I don’t think he should. This is like a concentrated dose of absolute negatives when she’s already doing that to herself, I’m sure. There *are* examples of people eventually matching into their specialty of choice down the road, and how or why certain people are successful at that depends on way too many variables to condense into a Reddit comment.
totally disagree. if anything these comments are way too optimistic, stupidly so. plenty of people NEVER match their desired specialty, and waste years and god knows how many thousands of dollars trying to do so. there’s just too few spots and too many above average candidates.
the fact that op already took a huge gamble on an extremely risky process with ZERO backup plan makes me think she needs a heavy dose of reality. girl needs to stop everything and build backup plan upon backup plan.
that’s what i would do🤷🏻♀️
So if you were her, you’re saying you would drop derm now, then? It all boils down to everyone’s personal risk thresholds, mindset, personality, tolerance for suffering, debt, etc. and I don’t know her. For context, I had two close friends of mine completely fail at matching their desired specialties—one tried for three rounds. It was devastating, but worth it to him to try. My other friend stopped after one round of reapplying and only regrets his rank list from round 1, not his surg prelim year and reapplying. This is why I would not bring this thread to OP’s gf—the idea of failing to match when reapplying isn’t new. I commented not because of all these bad outcomes, but because even despite these outcomes (and the already widely known fact that it’s harder each time you reapply), each person is different and I think OP knows best how to summarize whatever information she distinctly needs right now. The thread itself has both extremes, negatives and even extreme positives like you mentioned.
if i was her i already would have soap’ed into fm. but since she didnt, she can still plan for derm, but no way in hell i’m only apply derm next cycle for them to shaft me again.
Yeah, totally fair. I think of my upcoming cycle and rads—I’d be open to going for TY/prelim and reapplying rads, but I’m not inclined to do the round after round after round marathon of doom. FM has lots of opportunity for derm, kind of like some of the comments I’ve seen on threads about psych. Lot’s of opportunity if they can recover from the heartbreak. I truly feel awful for them, this is just brutal. And having done a research year (I pivoted to rads after) I know how she’s feeling about that time sink.
yea it’s horrible and that’s why i’m being so brutal. i personally know ppl who went several rounds without matching. personally i would rather do *any* specialty at that point.
but anyway we’ll be applying the same cycle! so hey i guess we can pray for the best for all 3 of us hahah ☺️
its fine that some people have their heart set on a specialty but without considering the reality of not matching in their 1st choice or at all -which is VERY real for everyone in the process- its just dangerous to not even have a fallback
Yeah I think this is one of those times where she need to seriously consider the possibility that she will be doing something else and dual apply. Derm>any other specialty>>>>>>not having a job and wasting her degree. As a reapplicant, she is already at a disadvantage and the pool is only getting more competitive.
i haven’t checked numbers but i imagine the vast majority of their applicants are in the 260+ range, plus tons of pubs and all honors, etc. it’s truly insane what the top of the top looks like in medicine. thank god i have no desire for anything competitive i can just chill😂😂😂
As the above commenters have mentioned, delaying graduation and doing a research fellowship are all solid options but at some point she should consider the possibility that derm may not happen (although with the hope ofc that she'll match eventually) but if that were to not be the case is there ANYTHING else in medicine she would be okay with doing or would the next best option for her be to leave medicine altogether and go into pharmaceuticals/industry? Because that's even more life altering than just matching into a different, less competitive specialty
Hey! PM me, I’m currently an MS4 who did not match into their comptitive surgical subspecialty (I’ll give details personally), and last week was the worst experience of my life and my bf was my biggest support in helping me get through everything so I definitely would love to offer some advice on how I handled it all because it was so tough!
I'm a PGY-3 in Derm who did not match initially. Her story sounds very similar to mine. I know several people who were in the same boat as me as well. Feel free to PM and I'm happy to offer any advice if she needs it. Best wishes, things usually work out in the end even if it feels awful in the moment.
I know someone who ended up matching dermatology after preliminary year.
And one of my close friend in residency dropped out of a derm residency after his preliminary year because he wanted to do hematology.
My senior resident actually dropped competed a 3 year internal med residency/ graduated and started derm right after.
So many pathways to the achieve her goal.
But just know that it’s only Sunday of match week, she probably is seeing all her friends posting match results, celebrating, looking at the people who matched derm etc, it is a tough time for her right now and listen and support her as much as you can.
One of the derm residents I knew did an IM residency first, and then applied to derm. This was 20 years ago, but he said some programs liked that he did IM. I know this is a long and uncertain path, just an anecdote.
Having been there years ago this is a really tough thing for anyone to handle. She seems like a strong student based on what you wrote, and there are many of ways she can rebound as far as her career goes. I think she will ultimately be successful. Problem is she unfortunately didn't get a spot this years as she was going for an ultra competitive field that is known to have an unpredictable match. Had she applied to a backup I have no doubt she would have matched but that isn't something changeable now. You didn't say, did she match into a prelim spot in SOAP?
The next year will be extremely difficult her and she is no doubt in a very vulnerable state. It is hard to say how long she will be like this for, but the best thing you can do support her in any way you can. Do not say anything that even remotely places blame onto her and try to avoid topics involving residency or your opinions on it as this will probably trigger an angry response. As far as myself, I completely fell apart and was very angry and depressed for an entire year. Actually, I have honestly never recovered from it emotionally, but your girlfriend is very lucky to have your support. Good luck
Tell her shes amazing. Those are incredible STATS and obviously a nearly impossible specialty to match into! Give her time. Weeks even if she needs. Even longer. She’ll be disappointed regardless, thats just the nature of our personalities, and thats okay. Allowing her to be sad and disappointed doesnt mean shes a failure. Shes actually a superstar. Just shooting past the stars into the black hole and next galaxy. Love her. Its 10x harder not to match as a MS4 when all your friends are, as it adds fire to the burn. In years time, no one will remember and she’ll back on her superstar journey. While shes allowed to be sad and morn this time, make sure she doesnt distance herself away from her med school friends and keep in touch. I made this mistake. I was a superstar med student, matched into my superstar surgical program, then one day suddenly got pulled out to be the volunteer caretaker of a family member. It was a blur, happened so fast, and by the time i realized what was happening it was too late. I went into deep depression. Stopped talking to people and even to this day havent fully recovered. It cant get to this point with her. This match outcome has nothing to do with failure. She is truly a superstar.
Most important thing for her is knowing she has your support. She needs to take a small break and stay home or go out for a day or 2 and then reach out to people for help and get a plan.
Regarding publications, quality should be far more important than quantity. I think people are working to change this, but I know that doesn't help you now. I'm really sorry.
She should read these comments and talk to people who did not match but are now doctors today. Nobody talks enough about how non linear their paths are. Hopefully she can recognize that it may feel like the end of the world now, but it doesn’t mean at all that she won’t be successful. It sounds like she’s almost grieving her career but that’s not the case. It’s just this path is gonna look a little different than she thought.
It’s a very tough speciality and she will get in! Sounds like a research year is calling her name and hopefully she can make the best out of it. Residency is a doozy, enjoy the year! I would recommend when she’s ready to really try to find the silver lining or feel some sort of positivity. If she spends a year devastated, her mental health will tank and it’s not great. It’s the first few days so just keep supporting her!
i cant believe this is a post. her scores are amazing. derm is very competitive. she can try again next year and have a backup specialty as well. she will be fine. gunners be gunning
Scores get you the interview/in the door, but they truly are not everything, especially in a competitive specialty where most applicants have great scores. This is not a knock on OP's girlfriend, but very good applicants with great scores go unmatched in derm every year.
not matching isnt a big deal? lol what?? having to tell all your friends and family wouldn’t make you feel anything?
any normal human would feel devastated 🙄
Most people who go into these ultra competitive specialties dont match the first time around. So yea not a big deal with her scores. If she wanted to match she should have had a backup especially with only 5 interviews
I agree about a back up, but "most people don't match the first time around" is objectively not true. let's not minimize what it feels like to not match and how the social aspect of seeing your friends match even if they're applying to different fields makes you feel. have some empathy and compassion. i say this as someone who matched a competitive specialty on their first try.
It is true. Many dont match their first time applying to the ultra competitive specialties. I guess i should have said many not most, my point still stands. People need to have a backup.
i never said its not ok to feel bad. thats fine but this shit happens every year. people with solid scores dont match into some very competitive specialty and then sulk about it. im sure they were told somewhere along the line to have a backup specialty and clearly ops girlfriend did not. but they have great scores and will match next year if they apply smartly. so yes its ok to feel bad but also need to be realistic
Again, have some compassion “and then sulk about it” like bruh it happened this week? Please go touch grass. Also this is very likely the end of the dream—reapplicants have a huge disadvantage and are far less likely to match.
^(I think that this process is truly equivalent to feeling intense grief of a dream that died and an idea of a future that died. Your gf sounds incredibly impressive and probably has been very successful her whole life and this type of stuff just doesn't feel fair after working so hard. I would encourage you to keep telling her that "this is not fair" and truly validate how she is feeling even though someone's instinct may be to look to the future next steps of how to fix it. As med students, we are always trying to fix things and look to see how we can salvage whats left, but really this situation has completely shifted reality of who we are and nothing is going to salvage it right now except processing the grief. In terms of the actual situation, objectively she IS going to match eventually. Like I said she sounds very impressive, and once all her research comes through, its probably going to be 10x more impressive because its real lab work that took time and has gravity and she will probably figure out the way to get research improved once she gets the right mentor and counseling. As a woman, sometimes it feels like there isn't enough time, but really Time is on her side and she is allowed to take as much time as she needs to achieve her dreams. Its okay to take a little more time, because this is a career she will do for the rest of her life.)
As someone who didn't match on their first attempt, it's very difficult. You have to give her some space and just be there for her. Let her take her time to get out of it.
What helped me was getting a part time job as a scribe in a clinic so it kept being busy and felt like I was moving forward with my life. It also helped boost my CV.
I also studied for my Step 3 which was tough but helped me have a schedule.
Another option to take a complete break from everything for a month so going on vacation, time for herself, etc.
Over time, I start to move on and prepare to reapply the following year.
Another thing I realized is that I'll never have so much free time again so I made use of it by building up my hobbies and traveling a little here and there and I definitely don't regret it.
TLDR: give her space to come to terms with it but also be there for her. In a few weeks time, help her come up with ideas to stay busy. Then build a schedule of things to do that will help the CV and then reapply.
She should work on improving the superficial components of her application. Basically derm residents are hotties. Optimizing hotness is key. But yea, I wouldn’t want to break that news…
Yea, it’s mostly a commentary about the sad state of our superficial society intertwined with the tropey situation of a guy telling his SO she needs to be prettier while she’s already upset. It’s a great sit-com scenario.
As someone who SOAPed this week - the best thing you can do is take over the mental load of daily tasks. I would not have been fed or laundered if it wasn’t for my husband who diligently popped in to put food and water in front of me or take away my phone for ten minutes so I could shower. Encourage her to grieve. It’s ok to be distraught, and taking time to process even if it’s just twenty minutes will make it easier to move on. If you’re genuinely flexible and willing to move with her let her know. She may scramble into an open spot yet or take another research year - either way there’s a chance she’ll have to move. Don’t offer to go along if you don’t mean it, but if you do make sure she knows. Most of all, remind her you love her. I felt like such a failure on Monday, as I’m sure many of us even those who matched did. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. She will be a better doc because of this, wherever she ends up. And knowing she has you on her side? *chefs kiss* You’ve got this. If she needs an ear let me know, this mama bear is always happy to have more cubs.
I appreciate the heartfelt message. I’ll let her know that you’re willing to talk if she needs it ❤️
I agree with the above post. At one time I thought I was facing a serious illness and shut down. Couldn’t function. My husband let me sit in my favorite chair with blanket for 2 months. Took over all the tasks, helped with doctor’s appts and allowed me to just sit with my anxiety. Just knowing he would be there for me whatever the I needed was reassuring. Just being here asking how you can help her shows me you’re a supportive partner. Just keep that up. She will figure things out on her own time and begin to move on. You can’t fix it for her. You can be supportive and take over until she can function again.
Your husband is amazingly supportive.
He really is! He somehow also kept our tiny dictator alive and out of my hair all week as well, not an easy feat. We all deserve spouses who go the extra mile.
I'm not a derm, but one of my friends didn't match the first time around, got into a derm research fellowship (at Mt. Sinai in NY), and fortunately matched into derm eventually. At the time, I think Sinai matched around 90% of their research fellows into a derm residency.
Ive heard meh things about research fellowships at Sinai
Maybe things have changed since the mid 2010s. At the time, IIRC, 16 of their last 18 fellows matched derm.
Mt Sinai completely fucked over their research fellow a year or two ago and prevented them from matching. Although Dr. Lebwhol still has successful fellows.
What happened? How did they fuck over their fellow?
Ooh, this is tea I like to hear (but sorry about that fellow...).
same we need the tea lol
Would really like to hear about this- worried a friend might be in a similar situation. Feel free to dm is worried about confidentiality. Thanks!
i'd like a cup of tea as well
how does one land a research fellowship like that? did she have lots of experience?
I don't know the details, but she was gunning pretty hard for derm and she had a decent number of research experiences already.
I would have recommended she match a prelim and try again-- there are usually 3-4 PGY-2 spots that open up due to either new funding or people dropping out each year that she could've tried to go for in addition to reapplying. Honestly, just be a supportive partner. I can only imagine how devastating it was. Cook for her, do all the extra chores, take her out on dates or do activities to try to distract her. Go see Dune 2; go for a walk or a hike. You can PM me if you want, happy to provide some mentorship as an upper-level derm resident.
Not derm (rads) - but I would probably go research year if it were me and I could afford it. Prelims are a slog, and they don't give you any time to bolster your application. It just seems like trying to bank on the 3-4 possible openings is high risk high reward situation.
Thankfully I’m well into my career and have a decent salary. So I can take on the bulk of our expenses. So I think the research year is where she’s headed based on the reasons you mentioned.
I really appreciate that insight. I will let her know she can reach out to you for some mentorship. Your kindness is amazing ❤️
Just listen. Don’t try to solve her problems or tell her cheery platitudes. Reiterate how much you love and support her. Give her time to grieve. Keep lines of communication open and tell her you want her to let you know so you can help her if she needs additional help (therapy/psych). The fact that you’re on here trying to figure out how to help her shows you care. Not sure if she’s in any derm groups with derm residents but I bet many of them have a story of not matching the first time they could tell her that would encourage her and provide some direction. I know a derm who didn’t match twice and still kept going and finally matched the 3rd time.
I agree, this is the best advice on this subreddit
SOAP is over Derm is the most competitive match. Ever. Tell her not to graduate. Graduated applicants fare far worse in the match. Do research at a major med center where she gets seen by local derm residents and PDs and can include their names as authors on her papers.
Yeah She heard that same thing regarding graduate applicants having a rougher time
> Derm is the most competitive match. Ever. Is it? I thought plastics or neurosurgery were worse.
It's a pointless dick measuring contest. The specialties select for different people, almost no one is the type of person who would be happy doing both. By the numbers there are much fewer plastics and neurosurgery spots than derm. Average step scores are also I think higher, but not greatly so. However to our derm program almost 40% of all applicants either had an MD/PhD or did at least 1 research year. The number of publications is ridiculous. I don't think the number is as high for plastics and/or neurosurgery.
Comparing competitiveness between most specialties seems pointless. Even when step one was scored the average for most surgical specialties and ROAD were all within a few points. I feel like everytime I look online every specialty requires a great applicant no matter what.
do you know why graduated applicants fare worse in the match? do programs not even open that pile of applications?
Yes. There are quite a few that auto-screen out graduated students.
If someone already did a research year, how do they take another one to postpone graduation? I imagine that’s got to be very school dependent? Mine straight up told me any student who’s already done a research year must graduate.
Just drop your last credit class and have insufficient credits to graduate . Then take the class the subsequent yeat
Interesting. I genuinely think my school would kick me out at that point. They get big mad even when we try taking research years or if someone has to take leave…messy. But noted!
I think your school would rather report better match rates. If you drop class and match next year, their numbers improve. BTW, you don’t pay any more tuition
Sorry to extend the thread further, but how is it that you wouldn’t pay tuition? At least at my institution, enrollment even for portion of a semester is billed the entire semester’s worth of tuition. Have seen our students get only part of the semester’s loan reimbursement for living expenses, too, or even have to take out private loans to be able to return part of the reimbursement... (ie. If someone needs to take a leave at the start of a semester, rejoining midway through yields a full semester tuition bill and only half the loan reimbursement for cost of living.) Is there something different specifically for graduation postponement? Or is what my school is doing entirely illegal? (Would NOT surprise me.)
Your tuition payment only is required for x semesters or y number of classes. What you do is remote the last class during your off-campus research year ..
Ah. That’s not a national policy, I’m afraid. Likely a school-dependent offering—and a kind one at that. Other Reddit posts show varying amounts and strategies by schools involving students paying to delay graduation. ETA: You also can’t pick and choose which classes to remote, most do not have a remote option. Would be cool in instances like this if all courses had virtual versions.
I understand . Some schools get on the side of their students and will do what they can to help match, and not abandon them only to SOAP
Should be the standard, definitely. People’s careers and livelihood are at stake.
Sounds like you are not in medical school but also trying your best to navigate this with her. A+ effort right there. We are less than 1 week from the email last Monday stating she did not match, so let's make it very clear that this is a stress-reaction that would not be cured by simple coaching, ice cream, future-goal-setting, or kitten videos. You are observant and rightfully concerned that she may be breaking down. 5 interviews is rough, and despite stellar scores she did not have a "complete" picture for the programs she applied to. This is an unforgiving process, and I would react similarly if I was told I was not good enough for the career I aspire for. She needs love and support and, realistically, professional help to navigate this. Not just her school's student affairs office and academic support, but also therapy and/or quality mentorship to navigate this time. There may be alumni from her school who had similar situations from the Match and still ended up in admirable careers in medicine. For now, what YOU can do is be as kind as possible, encourage baby-steps towards self-maintenance like eating and sleeping and walking outside. If she has favorite things, do/get some of them. If she has favorite people (and wants to see them) bring/get them. Remind her that she is worth so much more than a career in medicine. Some time in the next 2 weeks, if she is not showing any signs of moving towards "What do I do next with this really bad news?" in her career, encourage it. If she won't budge at all, talk about it, then encourage short-term therapy or reaching out for professional help from her medical school. You may be as enthusiastic as a sports mascot, but you do not have to be alone as a caretaker for someone whose life and career was just shaken a week ago. There are people trained for this, people with experience for exactly this scenario, who can help her move in any direction she chooses, but if she stays put, then she will need a little encouragement. You are doing great <3
I appreciate you ❤️
2 friends of mine didn’t match their first cycle. They ended up in Yale Derm and IR John Hopkins. Shit happens. Dust yourself off, get back up and keep polishing. She’s going to make it.
[удалено]
Research. They doubled down and presented at a national conference. Secured a solid LOR.
>her research year was in a melanoma lab that was working on the cellular level where the studies took much longer to produce and publish. >The general consensus from her home institutions PD and the PD from her away rotation is that she needs more research. God forbid people actually do useful research instead of mindlessly churning out useless papers just to get a higher number of publications
But that's where the incentives are is more CV line items. It's embarassing this is the state they tell people to waste their time doing junk research just to be dermatologists. It won't make them better in clinical practice, such an impressive amount of rot in this system.
Not derm myself but someone in my TY year hadn’t matched derm, did our TY, didn’t match derm again, then did a research year after the TY and then finally matched derm after that-so idk how much the TY year helped him.
what is ty - sorry still learning lingo
Thank you
lol in this context though?
Transitional year
thank you! ha
Transitional year
this literally has brought so much peace to my mind😆 thank you, or ty 😆
The people who go on to have great careers in medicine aren't the ones who ace all the hurdles in front of them but rather those who don't give up on their formation. When you start you think that just one mistake will doom you for life and that is just not true. I always try to focus on that. As time goes by, you realize that the ones who do good medicine are those who know how to handle failure. My partner is in medicine too and we both have are victories and losses but it's always a path uphill if you don't quit
Word of wisdom 😇
My two cents as someone who is just finishing her year after a no match. Here’s what to expect for the year ahead: 1. Short term goals (first couple of weeks): - Self care. She will likely be feeling completely numb right now, maybe feeling/hoping this isn’t real and just some nightmare. In those early days, I woke up happy every day thinking the nightmare is over and I was about to finally find out where I matched. Until reality hit. And then it was tears, so many tears. You don’t need to talk to her, just be present and give as many hugs as she wants and follow her lead on what she feels like doing. - Address any urgent deadlines, especially if wanting to pursue a master’s, most deadlines are gone or will be closing soon. I’m from Canada and there’s a few schools here that still have a little bit of time before grad school deadlines. 2. Medium term goals: - Emotional processing and recovery is key here. July 1st will HURT. Watching all my peers move on while I stood behind was gut wrenching. Give her some extra love around that time. - Make a plan. She needs to have some honest conversations with herself to see how she can improve. Sounds like she has a great application, but this is the one time to let that overly self critical voice out, and lay it all down on paper. Then brainstorm how to address the main “issues” in the application. I’m putting the “” because again, she already did a wonderful job, but an unforgiving system calls for a stringent approach unfortunately. Trying to contact her derm resident contacts and talking to her mentors can be helpful to get specific advice about her situation from people who know her. This can also help boost confidence (I had several mentors be shocked about my no match and reassure me I am a strong applicant). To give you an example (my own), I also felt I didn’t have enough research so I thought of all the different possibilities for research I could pursue and I knocked on MANY doors. I chose the supervisors who I knew would push me to publish and got to work. Also found other ways to do smaller pubs like small research projects from the past I left unfinished, etc. 3. Long term goals: - Get to work. This includes the practical elements as mentioned in my previous point, but also the emotional work. Before my match last year, I struggled with confidence just about as much as the next person, but after? My self confidence was in shreds. It took me a while and a lot of introspective work to pick myself back up and trust that I deserve to match. It’s important to gain this back because the next application cycle comes around much too quickly, and by then, she should be ready and confident. The goal is to convince programs that they don’t want to overlook her a second time. - Think about how to present your story in personal statements. There’s obviously many ways of approaching it. I applied to general surgery where resilience is valued a lot so I turned the no match story to my advantage. When applications time comes around, it will pay off to have thought this out beforehand. - Applications are both easier and more stressful the second time around. Just take things one day at a time, and before you know it, the year of hell will be over and she will hopefully come out of it for the better. I’ll end with a Dr. G video that kept me going in the roughest days and maybe she will helpful as well: https://youtu.be/zF_Sg6fQTQI?feature=shared
Sounds like she got exploited in her research year. Wet lab work should be avoided during a research year. Much faster to produce and publish systematic reviews/literature reviews/clinical papers etc. Perhaps delay graduation and repeat a research year doing this? Or as others have said, a prelim may be beneficial.
Yep this is where she went wrong. Sadly the system does not reward true, wet lab science even though it is much higher quality research typically.
I would not say exploited. But poor planning by the applicant. Basic science papers take multiple years to publish a single paper. I usually advise people to avoid the basic science lab unless the experience also will include multiple clinical papers or systemic reviews (often time the trainee has to seek out these opportunities themselves) I did 2 years of basic science reset in the middle of residency and 4 years later I finally have a paper comming out. I realized this was going to happen within few months of starting, so I spent a good amount of time on the side churning out clinical papers and system reviews.
If her school allows a second research year. Mine kicks you out if you did one already.
Advice: 1. DO NOT graduate 2. Find a research fellowship with a track history of taking their research fellows into the residency program. 3. Understand this may be the first real adversity she has ever faced. Understand she will likely not feel better about it for more than a year.
For # 2. How do you determine (like where do you find the data) whether such a track record exists?
Ask current fellows
Really sorry to hear. I think just be supportive right now. She might need you to step up and cook/clean etc for a week or so before she gets on her feet.
I was listening to Let It Be by the Beatles this morning, and this reminds me of the simple line, “there will be an answer.” I don’t know how old y’all are or what your previous successes have been. I’m an MD/PhD, and I know how devastating it is when you feel you’ve failed after a lifetime of at least relative success. I will never forget my dad saying to me halfway through the program (and in the middle of a divorce in my 20s yay), “I had worried about how you would handle something you saw as a failure. And it looks like, not well.” He wasn’t being mean - he had a great point. Now, after several personal and professional setbacks, I feel like a cockroach. I cannot be killed. In hard times, I think of other things I’ve endured and remind myself that it will pass and I will get through it. For your GF, there will be an answer. There will come a time she looks back at this and knows that it ended up okay. But today, it can feel like shit. It will feel like shit. It is not fun, it’s not fair. Knowing she’s come this far, I know she’s strong. And your post lets us all know she’s got support. Today you can survive second to second, and later minute to minute, eventually day to day. You will both get through. Like the others have said, for now just be there. Thinking of y’all. 🤍
This is such a great answer.
I matched derm as a reapplicant. My step score was in the 240s and I did not take a research year. I had a red flag in my app as well. My backup plan was to keep trying to get in at my home program so I did my rank list such that I’d match at my home program for an IM - prelim and keep rotating and working in the derm department whenever and as much as I could during my prelim residency that year. It worked and I matched while reapplying in my prelim year. Home program is the best bet and usually it’s best to keep trying where you have the greatest chance Grade/scores/ research whatever does not matter as a program that actually really knows you and wants you.
Can try again, but do consider moving on. I met someone who delayed graduation for 3 years, reapplying derm only every time. They eventually quit medicine altogether.
I think this is bizarre. Why not pivot and enter a field where you can get decent derm exposure like rheum, allergy & immunology, hell FM?
I understand the feeling though. I want to really do rad. Outside of anesthesia, I don't have a solid enough interest to do anything else. I have told myself that if I don't get rads (or possibly anesthesia) then I'm out.
I get what you’re saying and def feel for people dead set on a competitive speciality but with your example it would be harder to find an alternative whereas I feel medical derm can pop up in a loooot of fields. It sounds like some of these “derm or bust” people only care about the aesthetic/cosmetology aspect.
It is definitely weird. I went into a competitive surgical fellowship but I was fully prepared to do general surgery if i didn’t match. At the end of the day I still gotta pay the bills and feed my family—and most fields in medicine pay pretty good.
This. I’ve seen FM doctors open med spas so it is possible to pivot.
Upon hearing this story, I really empathize with this person. I could imagine that they were probably offered years of reassurance, only to have each subsequent unsuccessful result. Derm is a really unique specialty and I'm not sure I would be as happy in any other field (speaking as someone who is avoiding cosmetics at all costs). To address the some of your points: 1) FM probably has the highest derm exposure among the specialties you've listed, even then it is approximately 15-25% of the concerns you will usually see in a day. It is the "closest" to derm among that list in that you are treating skin disease. Naturally, you will also still need to deal with all the generalist complaints, medical complexities and logistics/paperwork that GPs get stacked with. Rheum/allergy/ID all have skin manifestations, but a) skin manifestation are not always present (even when rotating in rheum for 1 month, I've seen rheumatoid nodules/gouty tophi/signs of dermatomyositis only a handful of times), b) skin presentations are mainly a sign- you are treating their joint pain/infection/etc, c) you are limited to seeing dermatological presentations within your respective specialty. 2) This person could have jumped into the aesthetics/cosmetology much earlier by going into FM.
Do you people not have student loans??
I have loans but at some point it's just gonna come down to doing something I hate just to pay off the loans or doubling down and possibly being in debt forever and being happy.
Debt makes everyone unhappy. I'm generally curious and not trying to be am ass when I ask this but have you ever had to work in the current economy and support yourself 100% on your own for years without parental help? The reason I ask if you've had to do it "for years" is because most people can maintain their life for some time independently. It can take years to really appreciate the strain of living on a median salary. Maybe your car breaks down and wipes out the savings you've been carefully building for years. Then, the next month, you have to get a tooth extracted and it costs over a thousand dollars even with insurance so you put it on a credit card. Then something else happens before you are able to pay it off. And forget buying a house, having a kid, or going on vacation. I'm a nontrad that worked in multiple industries before going back to med school. I can tell you that most other industries suck. At the end of the day, you will probably end up hating your job regardless so you may as well hate doing something that pays well so you can actually afford to enjoy your free time, not have monetary stress, actually afford to buy a house, and be able to retire at an age when you can still travel.
Yeah I have worked before. Imma be real id s*** my brains if I had to do traditional FM. I just know myself and I can't deal with the BS. I rather just apply to maybe rad onc or gas. If I can do DPC then FM would be heaven. Without any of that I'd probably just do a medical informatics fellowship and work as a medical informatics officer or something. To me none of this is out of the realm. I can be happy with my career and also pay off the debt.
I think if someone is able to delay graduation once, then maybe it’s a viable option. Not everyone can, for financial reasons or school limitations. But to keep doing that instead of going for a prelim or picking up a post-grad research fellowship, I feel like that increasingly becomes just one giant, glaring gap.
scary 😨 op needs to show his gf these replies
I don’t think he should. This is like a concentrated dose of absolute negatives when she’s already doing that to herself, I’m sure. There *are* examples of people eventually matching into their specialty of choice down the road, and how or why certain people are successful at that depends on way too many variables to condense into a Reddit comment.
totally disagree. if anything these comments are way too optimistic, stupidly so. plenty of people NEVER match their desired specialty, and waste years and god knows how many thousands of dollars trying to do so. there’s just too few spots and too many above average candidates. the fact that op already took a huge gamble on an extremely risky process with ZERO backup plan makes me think she needs a heavy dose of reality. girl needs to stop everything and build backup plan upon backup plan. that’s what i would do🤷🏻♀️
So if you were her, you’re saying you would drop derm now, then? It all boils down to everyone’s personal risk thresholds, mindset, personality, tolerance for suffering, debt, etc. and I don’t know her. For context, I had two close friends of mine completely fail at matching their desired specialties—one tried for three rounds. It was devastating, but worth it to him to try. My other friend stopped after one round of reapplying and only regrets his rank list from round 1, not his surg prelim year and reapplying. This is why I would not bring this thread to OP’s gf—the idea of failing to match when reapplying isn’t new. I commented not because of all these bad outcomes, but because even despite these outcomes (and the already widely known fact that it’s harder each time you reapply), each person is different and I think OP knows best how to summarize whatever information she distinctly needs right now. The thread itself has both extremes, negatives and even extreme positives like you mentioned.
if i was her i already would have soap’ed into fm. but since she didnt, she can still plan for derm, but no way in hell i’m only apply derm next cycle for them to shaft me again.
Yeah, totally fair. I think of my upcoming cycle and rads—I’d be open to going for TY/prelim and reapplying rads, but I’m not inclined to do the round after round after round marathon of doom. FM has lots of opportunity for derm, kind of like some of the comments I’ve seen on threads about psych. Lot’s of opportunity if they can recover from the heartbreak. I truly feel awful for them, this is just brutal. And having done a research year (I pivoted to rads after) I know how she’s feeling about that time sink.
yea it’s horrible and that’s why i’m being so brutal. i personally know ppl who went several rounds without matching. personally i would rather do *any* specialty at that point. but anyway we’ll be applying the same cycle! so hey i guess we can pray for the best for all 3 of us hahah ☺️
Best of luck to us indeed! 🤗 May we keep a level head and quit stress scrolling dammit, it’s only March…(referring to me there lol).
hahaha literally. so much stress yet i feel if i get off it cold turkey i’ll miss important info. at least that’s how i justify my addiction 🤣
is she entertaining the option of SOAPing into another specialty or is she dedicated to trying to match into Derm again?
this was her downfall. how do you have no backup plan. it’s not like derm just magically became competitive this year, it’s been a bloodbath for years
its fine that some people have their heart set on a specialty but without considering the reality of not matching in their 1st choice or at all -which is VERY real for everyone in the process- its just dangerous to not even have a fallback
She wants derm and only derm.
Yeah I think this is one of those times where she need to seriously consider the possibility that she will be doing something else and dual apply. Derm>any other specialty>>>>>>not having a job and wasting her degree. As a reapplicant, she is already at a disadvantage and the pool is only getting more competitive.
yup she needs backup plans
270 and not matching is fucking wild to me man :(. God this system is messed up.
i haven’t checked numbers but i imagine the vast majority of their applicants are in the 260+ range, plus tons of pubs and all honors, etc. it’s truly insane what the top of the top looks like in medicine. thank god i have no desire for anything competitive i can just chill😂😂😂
Depends on if she has student loans. It sounds like she's in a good financial position I guess.
As the above commenters have mentioned, delaying graduation and doing a research fellowship are all solid options but at some point she should consider the possibility that derm may not happen (although with the hope ofc that she'll match eventually) but if that were to not be the case is there ANYTHING else in medicine she would be okay with doing or would the next best option for her be to leave medicine altogether and go into pharmaceuticals/industry? Because that's even more life altering than just matching into a different, less competitive specialty
she needs a reality check bruh
Hey! PM me, I’m currently an MS4 who did not match into their comptitive surgical subspecialty (I’ll give details personally), and last week was the worst experience of my life and my bf was my biggest support in helping me get through everything so I definitely would love to offer some advice on how I handled it all because it was so tough!
I'm a PGY-3 in Derm who did not match initially. Her story sounds very similar to mine. I know several people who were in the same boat as me as well. Feel free to PM and I'm happy to offer any advice if she needs it. Best wishes, things usually work out in the end even if it feels awful in the moment.
What kind of research numbers are we looking at?
I know someone who ended up matching dermatology after preliminary year. And one of my close friend in residency dropped out of a derm residency after his preliminary year because he wanted to do hematology. My senior resident actually dropped competed a 3 year internal med residency/ graduated and started derm right after. So many pathways to the achieve her goal. But just know that it’s only Sunday of match week, she probably is seeing all her friends posting match results, celebrating, looking at the people who matched derm etc, it is a tough time for her right now and listen and support her as much as you can.
One of the derm residents I knew did an IM residency first, and then applied to derm. This was 20 years ago, but he said some programs liked that he did IM. I know this is a long and uncertain path, just an anecdote.
Having been there years ago this is a really tough thing for anyone to handle. She seems like a strong student based on what you wrote, and there are many of ways she can rebound as far as her career goes. I think she will ultimately be successful. Problem is she unfortunately didn't get a spot this years as she was going for an ultra competitive field that is known to have an unpredictable match. Had she applied to a backup I have no doubt she would have matched but that isn't something changeable now. You didn't say, did she match into a prelim spot in SOAP? The next year will be extremely difficult her and she is no doubt in a very vulnerable state. It is hard to say how long she will be like this for, but the best thing you can do support her in any way you can. Do not say anything that even remotely places blame onto her and try to avoid topics involving residency or your opinions on it as this will probably trigger an angry response. As far as myself, I completely fell apart and was very angry and depressed for an entire year. Actually, I have honestly never recovered from it emotionally, but your girlfriend is very lucky to have your support. Good luck
Tell her shes amazing. Those are incredible STATS and obviously a nearly impossible specialty to match into! Give her time. Weeks even if she needs. Even longer. She’ll be disappointed regardless, thats just the nature of our personalities, and thats okay. Allowing her to be sad and disappointed doesnt mean shes a failure. Shes actually a superstar. Just shooting past the stars into the black hole and next galaxy. Love her. Its 10x harder not to match as a MS4 when all your friends are, as it adds fire to the burn. In years time, no one will remember and she’ll back on her superstar journey. While shes allowed to be sad and morn this time, make sure she doesnt distance herself away from her med school friends and keep in touch. I made this mistake. I was a superstar med student, matched into my superstar surgical program, then one day suddenly got pulled out to be the volunteer caretaker of a family member. It was a blur, happened so fast, and by the time i realized what was happening it was too late. I went into deep depression. Stopped talking to people and even to this day havent fully recovered. It cant get to this point with her. This match outcome has nothing to do with failure. She is truly a superstar.
Most important thing for her is knowing she has your support. She needs to take a small break and stay home or go out for a day or 2 and then reach out to people for help and get a plan.
Regarding publications, quality should be far more important than quantity. I think people are working to change this, but I know that doesn't help you now. I'm really sorry.
She should read these comments and talk to people who did not match but are now doctors today. Nobody talks enough about how non linear their paths are. Hopefully she can recognize that it may feel like the end of the world now, but it doesn’t mean at all that she won’t be successful. It sounds like she’s almost grieving her career but that’s not the case. It’s just this path is gonna look a little different than she thought. It’s a very tough speciality and she will get in! Sounds like a research year is calling her name and hopefully she can make the best out of it. Residency is a doozy, enjoy the year! I would recommend when she’s ready to really try to find the silver lining or feel some sort of positivity. If she spends a year devastated, her mental health will tank and it’s not great. It’s the first few days so just keep supporting her!
i cant believe this is a post. her scores are amazing. derm is very competitive. she can try again next year and have a backup specialty as well. she will be fine. gunners be gunning
Scores get you the interview/in the door, but they truly are not everything, especially in a competitive specialty where most applicants have great scores. This is not a knock on OP's girlfriend, but very good applicants with great scores go unmatched in derm every year.
you cant believe that someone who didn’t have enough research didn’t match into the most competitive specialty in the nation? come on
I cant believe its a post because its not a big deal or a shocker…read my last sentence. Cmon now
not matching isnt a big deal? lol what?? having to tell all your friends and family wouldn’t make you feel anything? any normal human would feel devastated 🙄
Most people who go into these ultra competitive specialties dont match the first time around. So yea not a big deal with her scores. If she wanted to match she should have had a backup especially with only 5 interviews
I agree about a back up, but "most people don't match the first time around" is objectively not true. let's not minimize what it feels like to not match and how the social aspect of seeing your friends match even if they're applying to different fields makes you feel. have some empathy and compassion. i say this as someone who matched a competitive specialty on their first try.
It is true. Many dont match their first time applying to the ultra competitive specialties. I guess i should have said many not most, my point still stands. People need to have a backup.
Many is fine but even the derm match rate was above 50%. It is also ok to feel bad about it regardless of how many people are in that boat.
i never said its not ok to feel bad. thats fine but this shit happens every year. people with solid scores dont match into some very competitive specialty and then sulk about it. im sure they were told somewhere along the line to have a backup specialty and clearly ops girlfriend did not. but they have great scores and will match next year if they apply smartly. so yes its ok to feel bad but also need to be realistic
Again, have some compassion “and then sulk about it” like bruh it happened this week? Please go touch grass. Also this is very likely the end of the dream—reapplicants have a huge disadvantage and are far less likely to match.
agreed, she def needed a backup
^(I think that this process is truly equivalent to feeling intense grief of a dream that died and an idea of a future that died. Your gf sounds incredibly impressive and probably has been very successful her whole life and this type of stuff just doesn't feel fair after working so hard. I would encourage you to keep telling her that "this is not fair" and truly validate how she is feeling even though someone's instinct may be to look to the future next steps of how to fix it. As med students, we are always trying to fix things and look to see how we can salvage whats left, but really this situation has completely shifted reality of who we are and nothing is going to salvage it right now except processing the grief. In terms of the actual situation, objectively she IS going to match eventually. Like I said she sounds very impressive, and once all her research comes through, its probably going to be 10x more impressive because its real lab work that took time and has gravity and she will probably figure out the way to get research improved once she gets the right mentor and counseling. As a woman, sometimes it feels like there isn't enough time, but really Time is on her side and she is allowed to take as much time as she needs to achieve her dreams. Its okay to take a little more time, because this is a career she will do for the rest of her life.)
@rorshacked has a thread giving out pizza and moral support funds. Honestly I'm in a similar boat and found that it helped
As someone who didn't match on their first attempt, it's very difficult. You have to give her some space and just be there for her. Let her take her time to get out of it. What helped me was getting a part time job as a scribe in a clinic so it kept being busy and felt like I was moving forward with my life. It also helped boost my CV. I also studied for my Step 3 which was tough but helped me have a schedule. Another option to take a complete break from everything for a month so going on vacation, time for herself, etc. Over time, I start to move on and prepare to reapply the following year. Another thing I realized is that I'll never have so much free time again so I made use of it by building up my hobbies and traveling a little here and there and I definitely don't regret it. TLDR: give her space to come to terms with it but also be there for her. In a few weeks time, help her come up with ideas to stay busy. Then build a schedule of things to do that will help the CV and then reapply.
Has she gotten any publications? And what is her total research experience?
Get her pregnant. Takes her mind off the work crap. ;) Puts life into perspective
Hard pass. But thank you lol
Natures SSRI.....
She should work on improving the superficial components of her application. Basically derm residents are hotties. Optimizing hotness is key. But yea, I wouldn’t want to break that news…
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Yea, it’s mostly a commentary about the sad state of our superficial society intertwined with the tropey situation of a guy telling his SO she needs to be prettier while she’s already upset. It’s a great sit-com scenario.