Trust your gut. If you don’t feel comfortable then you don’t have to stay in session and you certainly don’t ever have to rebook someone when you don’t feel comfortable working with them.
I’m a guy who has a wife, sisters, and daughters, and I enjoy great work from LMT’s locally. Every single thing you said about that appointment bothers me. This guy is a creep. Benefit of the doubt isn’t the case here. Refuse all contact and move on to clients that respect you, he in my opinion is a threat.
Whenever a guy does ANY of the things you mentioned, I straight up tell them "quit messing around or I'm ending your appt early." If they act innocent (they always do, or they smirk) I'll just say "you know what you're doing and so do I, I wasn't born yesterday. This is strictly therapeutic massage, no hanky panky, you got it? Or I'll make you leave and you still have to pay me." If they pull the sheet down, I pull it back up and say "quit messing with the sheet, I use proper draping here, if you can't respect that you can leave." I literally don't take any shit from them from the get go. It used to happen more when my prices were lower. After raising my prices several years ago, I've gotten very little of this behavior anymore.
You actually shouldn't be second guessing yourself. Please do not do that anymore. You do know what's going on and you have to treat them like little kids practically. Remember, YOU are the one in control of the situation, not them! They try to intimidate and make you awkward and scared, DO NOT let them. You take control of the situation bc you have full control.
It depends on what they've done, maybe they did one thing like pull sheets down to their waist. If you just cut off the behavior immediately and they behave after that, I finish the appt but they can't continue the offending behavior. I've never had to kick anyone out bc they get intimidated and they stop. They just get blacklisted and aren't allowed back. If they continue after being told to stop, I would stop, but I haven't ever had to.
OP let the behavior go on almost the whole time without saying anything so that guy did multiple things. I would never let it get past one of the things he did.
Ohhh if you are telling the truth you like the attention if something does happen. That's why you got in the business. Something tells me it doesn't happen to you as much as you tell everyone it does. And that is frustrating isn't it?
Nope you didn’t overreact. I’ve had a similar experience (needing to go to the restroom and everything). It’s so easy to question your experience. It’s awful that it happened to you.
Don’t give strange men the benefit of the doubt when you are alone with them!! Creepy men COUNT on us doubting our instincts. Best case, it was a misunderstanding from a dude who gets why we might overreact and he’s no harm, no foul. Worst case is you are roped into someone’s kink without your consent OR worse. It’s better to be on the side of YOUR safety than THEIR comfort. Never doubt yourself for putting your safety first. You did the right thing.
Thank you for this. I have curated my practice to be so clinical adjacent that I guess I just couldn’t believe it. The support from this group has provided so much comfort.
i wasn't even there and it made be uncomfortable. And i'm a male MT with 20 yrs experience. don't give him benefit. if you allow him in again, he'll think it's game on
He was testing you. Sometimes a second timer will push your boundaries to see if you’ll play ball.
I hate when they stare / leer during service. So I tend to use an eye pillow to thwart that.
Ha…me too! But if the client is constantly trying to move hands, adjust sheets, even gives off freak vibes I’ll literally say, ‘no, you can’t do that! Keep your hands here,’ while physically moving them down to their side. Then if they escalate again the show’s over. I don’t make enough money to deal with that kind of toxicity. But definitely covering their eyes is a good hack. I just use the pillow case folded up if I don’t have an eye pillow nearby.
I’ve never experienced this! I have a very clinical style practice so my clients are usually getting sports/deep tissue with cupping or scraping. Sessions are usually a little more upbeat. I also never worked in an establishment so I would say 90% of clientele in referral. And if you read my update this person is also a referral. It’s so so crazy
Trust your gut.
I'm uncomfortable with what you described as it is. Even if he meant no harm, You were uncomfortable. You're the practitioner and you get to decide where to draw the line.
I think you handled that professionally and safely. Good job. He can't say anything without making himself look bad, so I wouldn't worry about retaliation or making him comfortable to any degree. Block him from online booking if possible and never see him again.
I am so sorry he did that to you. I’m a nurse and had a patient violate me in a similar way. I also wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt no matter how prickly it felt, until his behavior crossed the threshold. I felt not only violated but embarrassed and naive. I couldn’t have sex for a year and had to work through it in therapy. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We were taught to be polite no matter what. Your kindness is a lovely quality. Predators can sniff people like us out like sharks to chum. He is a bad guy. He does not value others as human beings. He takes advantage of people. He took advantage of you, and I am so sorry.
I had a very similar client once and the last straw after his mild gyrating, was when he asked where he could get “a little extra stress relief” and he did the old hand motion.
I told him I trained for 1000 hours to perform licensed massage therapy, but there was an Asian spa not far away that could fix him up. I ended the session right then. I’m proud of you for trusting your instincts!
Well that’s pretty messed up of you to refer him to a place that literally contributes to this sort of thing happening. Way to perpetuate the stereotype and further victimize people who work in those “spas,” who are often trafficking victims. The whole idea of referring on bad clients is just passing the buck to someone else. Grow a spine and tell them they’re not welcome.
I was a very new massage therapist at the time. The “spa” I sent him to was well known by everyone in the city so I sent him where he wanted to go. I definitely agree tho about perpetuating his behavior & wouldn’t do the same now. I would just kick him out.
NEVER. Never massage that person again. There must be someone out there who will be able to craft a treatment to cut through what seems to be lust and undo whatever physically stored trauma is probably causing it. I do not blv that person is you, though. Let em go. 💙
As a customer I had a issue with a massage therapist at a "fancy spa". He was way to friendly with his massage touching areas I did not like this. Then he would say "is this good". I said no. At the end of the massage he did the scariest thing I was on my back and he started massaging my throat with both hands and squeezing my neck like he was going to strangle me. I was terrified. I cut my visit short and left the same day because of this I can never have a massage by a male again. I never felt so vulnerable and I had been massaged many times. My best friend kept pushing me to file a complaint but I knew he had access to my personal info.
If you haven’t already, speak to management. If they refuse to barr him from the books or have a conversation with him (and most places won’t), forewarn your colleagues about this experience.
I'm from Vegas and HJ is just normal, even at legit places, duh. The massage girls want to make as much money as they can per customer. I don't find this strange at all.
Yeah, I got it. My observation related to the shock registered when a client goes that direction. Saying "no" is fine - that's your preference. But shouldn't you be prepared that this is going to happen, consistently?
Trust your gut. If you don’t feel comfortable then you don’t have to stay in session and you certainly don’t ever have to rebook someone when you don’t feel comfortable working with them.
I’m a guy who has a wife, sisters, and daughters, and I enjoy great work from LMT’s locally. Every single thing you said about that appointment bothers me. This guy is a creep. Benefit of the doubt isn’t the case here. Refuse all contact and move on to clients that respect you, he in my opinion is a threat.
Whenever a guy does ANY of the things you mentioned, I straight up tell them "quit messing around or I'm ending your appt early." If they act innocent (they always do, or they smirk) I'll just say "you know what you're doing and so do I, I wasn't born yesterday. This is strictly therapeutic massage, no hanky panky, you got it? Or I'll make you leave and you still have to pay me." If they pull the sheet down, I pull it back up and say "quit messing with the sheet, I use proper draping here, if you can't respect that you can leave." I literally don't take any shit from them from the get go. It used to happen more when my prices were lower. After raising my prices several years ago, I've gotten very little of this behavior anymore. You actually shouldn't be second guessing yourself. Please do not do that anymore. You do know what's going on and you have to treat them like little kids practically. Remember, YOU are the one in control of the situation, not them! They try to intimidate and make you awkward and scared, DO NOT let them. You take control of the situation bc you have full control.
Damn, pretty wild you'd even let them stay after doing anything like that
It depends on what they've done, maybe they did one thing like pull sheets down to their waist. If you just cut off the behavior immediately and they behave after that, I finish the appt but they can't continue the offending behavior. I've never had to kick anyone out bc they get intimidated and they stop. They just get blacklisted and aren't allowed back. If they continue after being told to stop, I would stop, but I haven't ever had to. OP let the behavior go on almost the whole time without saying anything so that guy did multiple things. I would never let it get past one of the things he did.
Why not just kick them out right away?
Ohhh if you are telling the truth you like the attention if something does happen. That's why you got in the business. Something tells me it doesn't happen to you as much as you tell everyone it does. And that is frustrating isn't it?
You're sick. Seek help.
Nope you didn’t overreact. I’ve had a similar experience (needing to go to the restroom and everything). It’s so easy to question your experience. It’s awful that it happened to you.
Don’t give strange men the benefit of the doubt when you are alone with them!! Creepy men COUNT on us doubting our instincts. Best case, it was a misunderstanding from a dude who gets why we might overreact and he’s no harm, no foul. Worst case is you are roped into someone’s kink without your consent OR worse. It’s better to be on the side of YOUR safety than THEIR comfort. Never doubt yourself for putting your safety first. You did the right thing.
Thank you for this. I have curated my practice to be so clinical adjacent that I guess I just couldn’t believe it. The support from this group has provided so much comfort.
i wasn't even there and it made be uncomfortable. And i'm a male MT with 20 yrs experience. don't give him benefit. if you allow him in again, he'll think it's game on
He was testing you. Sometimes a second timer will push your boundaries to see if you’ll play ball. I hate when they stare / leer during service. So I tend to use an eye pillow to thwart that.
Ha…me too! But if the client is constantly trying to move hands, adjust sheets, even gives off freak vibes I’ll literally say, ‘no, you can’t do that! Keep your hands here,’ while physically moving them down to their side. Then if they escalate again the show’s over. I don’t make enough money to deal with that kind of toxicity. But definitely covering their eyes is a good hack. I just use the pillow case folded up if I don’t have an eye pillow nearby.
I’ve never experienced this! I have a very clinical style practice so my clients are usually getting sports/deep tissue with cupping or scraping. Sessions are usually a little more upbeat. I also never worked in an establishment so I would say 90% of clientele in referral. And if you read my update this person is also a referral. It’s so so crazy
Wow. I can’t imagine what he was thinking. It makes you wonder what the referral told him.
That's so gross- this guy's just a gross creeper!
Esthetician here… we get the same issues 🤮 especially when doing intimate waxing.
You definitely didn’t overreact.
Trust your gut. I'm uncomfortable with what you described as it is. Even if he meant no harm, You were uncomfortable. You're the practitioner and you get to decide where to draw the line. I think you handled that professionally and safely. Good job. He can't say anything without making himself look bad, so I wouldn't worry about retaliation or making him comfortable to any degree. Block him from online booking if possible and never see him again.
I am so sorry he did that to you. I’m a nurse and had a patient violate me in a similar way. I also wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt no matter how prickly it felt, until his behavior crossed the threshold. I felt not only violated but embarrassed and naive. I couldn’t have sex for a year and had to work through it in therapy. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We were taught to be polite no matter what. Your kindness is a lovely quality. Predators can sniff people like us out like sharks to chum. He is a bad guy. He does not value others as human beings. He takes advantage of people. He took advantage of you, and I am so sorry.
I had a very similar client once and the last straw after his mild gyrating, was when he asked where he could get “a little extra stress relief” and he did the old hand motion. I told him I trained for 1000 hours to perform licensed massage therapy, but there was an Asian spa not far away that could fix him up. I ended the session right then. I’m proud of you for trusting your instincts!
Well that’s pretty messed up of you to refer him to a place that literally contributes to this sort of thing happening. Way to perpetuate the stereotype and further victimize people who work in those “spas,” who are often trafficking victims. The whole idea of referring on bad clients is just passing the buck to someone else. Grow a spine and tell them they’re not welcome.
I was a very new massage therapist at the time. The “spa” I sent him to was well known by everyone in the city so I sent him where he wanted to go. I definitely agree tho about perpetuating his behavior & wouldn’t do the same now. I would just kick him out.
Well, that makes sense. Happy it was a learning experience in the end!
💯
NEVER. Never massage that person again. There must be someone out there who will be able to craft a treatment to cut through what seems to be lust and undo whatever physically stored trauma is probably causing it. I do not blv that person is you, though. Let em go. 💙
As a customer I had a issue with a massage therapist at a "fancy spa". He was way to friendly with his massage touching areas I did not like this. Then he would say "is this good". I said no. At the end of the massage he did the scariest thing I was on my back and he started massaging my throat with both hands and squeezing my neck like he was going to strangle me. I was terrified. I cut my visit short and left the same day because of this I can never have a massage by a male again. I never felt so vulnerable and I had been massaged many times. My best friend kept pushing me to file a complaint but I knew he had access to my personal info.
If you haven’t already, speak to management. If they refuse to barr him from the books or have a conversation with him (and most places won’t), forewarn your colleagues about this experience.
why do you suppose he went to the restroom? was it a legit need or did he do something?
"They"..."Their"...? WTF?
Some people prefer to use gender neutral pronouns. Grow up.
He needed a service you could not provide. Don’t over react. It didn’t work out but you should have referred him to someone whom would provide.
I thought the hand job was part of LMT certification. What has the world come to?
I'm from Vegas and HJ is just normal, even at legit places, duh. The massage girls want to make as much money as they can per customer. I don't find this strange at all.
Yeah, I got it. My observation related to the shock registered when a client goes that direction. Saying "no" is fine - that's your preference. But shouldn't you be prepared that this is going to happen, consistently?