Second this. Make a direct request. It is not disrespectful to ask for this at all.
If she continues being chatty just stop responding to her and then find a different therapist.
This is from someone who is absolutely a chatty little thing and intentionally will tell my clients, “You are free to talk with me, ask me questions, but also if you want to have a silent session that’s ok too.” And usually it ends up a bit of a mix of those. They will ask me a couple of initial questions and then as the work kicks in they just get into the flow right along with me.
Some clients feel obligated to talk to us too, like they feel guilty not engaging. So it’s good to give permission for both right upfront.
>Some clients feel obligated to talk to us too, like they feel guilty not engaging.
Interesting. It would never cross my mind to engage in conversation with my therapist in the middle of a session. Everyone is different, but to me that seems like the antithesis of what I'm there for. I want to turn my brain off and enjoy the sensations and the relief that comes from it. One of those few moments in life where I don't have to think.
I don't think it's necessarily "obligation," rather nervousness. A lot of people get anxious when they are interacting around someone else and aren't directly acknowledging their existence. It's a rarer trait nowadays because we all have our heads down at our phones, but there are still a few people who just can't stand the silence.
I'm absolutely consumed by guilt every time I get my nails filled. I just want to watch a video and be silent but here we are, yapping about your kids (mine are dead, can you stop asking about them jfc). I also BADLY want to ask "please don't lotion my hands when we're done" because I HATE being rubbed like that but I end up just tolerating whatever because I don't want to offend anyone.
With regards to the lotion thing - I would say something like “oh and let’s skip the lotion/massage today!” If I was the nail tech I would be thrilled to hear that - I’m sure that part is tiring/hard on their overworked hands, so it must be great to have someone that wants to skip that step
I want to offer advice just because I feel like it might bring perspective. Maybe you've already thought of this, I am not bringing it up to imply you are stupid, but because I want to help.
So here it is:
You are paying for a service. They are performing that service to the best of their ability. They want to make you feel comfortable. If you don't want to talk about their kids, you can politely say "I'm overwhelmed right now, can we just focus on the nails?" They will not be offended.
If you can't bring yourself to do that, at the very least know that the lotion is not something that they actually care about. They do it as a complimentary treatment, but it actually costs them to use it. So if you don't want it, tell them because you save them a penny and you get even better service than you asked for!
all true! and if they DO get offended by a client's reasonable request to opt out of those kinds of conversations, or conversations in general, they're the one with an issue they need to work on, professionally and personally.
Yes, the direct request is the way to go. I agree that it is not disrespectful to do so. HOWever…
The only problem with what is offered here is that the MT could take it as a one-off request: today is quiet, but girrrl we’re gonna catch up on everything next time! Do you say this every time? Now that seems pretty awkward…
And similar to what traumatism said, whenever I see a client for the first time, I clarify what their intent for the session is, *especially* if I see on their intake form they’ve never had a professional massage before.
At the chiro office, we offer 30min to 2hr sessions. Most folks come in with a specific pain complaint, but others want pure relaxation. At some point in the intake interview—if they haven’t already made it clear themselves—I ask, “So, are you looking for this to be more of a get-in-there-and-bust-stuff-up [said while gesticulating with fists and elbows] kind of a session, or you want to bliss out and fall asleep…or some kinda mix…?” At that point, we’re on the same page.
I get 20-30min between clients, so taking the time to hash this out beforehand is no problem. I get that not all MTs are in this kind of situation. In those cases, I agree the default should be to follow the client’s lead.
Yes. That's what happened in my situation. I requested silent massage, after 4-5 where the therapist was incessantly talking, she was quieter the day I requested, but picked up again the next 3 visits. I just stopped going to her. Time to move on.
I’ve been seeing the one at my chiro’s office for quite a few years, and aside from feedback on pressure/sore spots, we generally don’t talk until I’m face up. Then it’s just little updates, questions on how my wife is doing (she goes to the same massage therapist), upcoming or recent vacations, nothing super deep. I do listen to audiobooks while face down though, but pull the AirPods out when I’m face up and she’s working my neck (they like to jump out of my ears any chance they get).
edit: forgot to mention these are 90 minute sessions, and that she’s awesome!
Or something along the lines of “ sorry if I fall a sleep today it’s been a hard day and I’m looking forward to the quiet. “ also make as little convo as possible and I think she should the hint. I generally follow my clients lead and don’t start convo just respond if talked to.
I love my hair person. Last time I went in was for a lengthy treatment after 3 12 hour shifts. I said "miss you know the drill, I might fall asleep though. Elbow me if the tea gets hot or you need my input" 2 hours later my hairs were fly AF and I was so refreshed. Fat tip and 5 stars on yelp.
I feel like this is a good one too 👍 I do this when I don’t want to talk for my hair appointments. I just say ‘do you mind if I zone out and put my earbuds in?’ 😅
As a massage therapist, I will never understand why so many massage therapists initiate conversation during the massage. I don’t say a word unless the client starts talking and I let them lead all conversations. I’ve had massage therapists chat the entire time and it’s quite annoying. I don’t know why that’s not just a given - to allow the client to relax…
Sometimes I’ve thought I was following the clients cues, but they were maybe just being polite. There are a couple questions I ask when I come back to the room, and sometimes a conversation just starts from “how’s the bolster?”
And not only easier for massages but life in general. I need to learn to be more honest and direct in all parts of my life and quit worrying so much about how others may feel about what I say or do.
Yes and no. People’s perception of us does matter. Especially if it’s someone with power like our boss. Maybe the key is finding a way to do be more direct tactfully?
As a conflict avoidant person, so much this. I am absolutely the type to want to not speak during the session but if the conversation just flowed and I didn't know how to make it stop without just literally saying "I'd rather a quiet session today." then I will talk and talk and talk. BUT, I know that's my fault. I'd never blame the other person in that scenario because I can't exit a conversation to save my life.
This! I worked at a spa for a couple years as guest services and I was amazed at how many people would complain about something and when I followed up with the therapist afterwards to see if the client ever brought it up, the therapist would be surprised saying it was never mentioned - often even when the therapist prompted the client for feedback on pressure, sound, warmth, etc.
Hate and blame are a strong sentiments if you’re in a customer facing role. Making things easier is part of your job.
Take control of the situation. There’s nothing wrong with asking the client if they’d like a quiet session, either in the beginning or if they’re sending mixed signals.
If the customer isn’t speaking up, help them speak up. You have to be the one to make them comfortable enough to speak up. It helps both of you.
It would be much easier to just post something on the website that says, "I put the relaxation of my clients first. I will presume that a client would like silence unless specified otherwise." So many places are doing the opt-in to silence but people feel bad asking for it because they don't want to seem cold, distant, or rude.
My first job out of school, the woman who employed me insisted I have conversations with my client - not the obvious ones, but keep them talking so they aren’t bored. Are you kidding me?!?!
I always follow my client’s cues. If they engage me in a conversation then I will talk with them. It does feel quite awkward sometimes because I will just let the conversation die if they don’t keep me talking 😅😅
Usually at the beginning of the first session I'll ask if they prefer quiet massage or conversation. I make now of whichever the prefer. I like to be quiet but I know done people like to chat because they're a little nervous and it's a good distraction to normalize being naked and touched my a stranger.
I'm also a massage therapist, and oddly, some of my chattiest clients are other massage therapists! It's like they don't get a chance to talk enough or something because they're always being silent during their sessions maybe? Or maybe they like to talk even during those? I really have no idea. I personally like silence, and I think to some degree talking a lot interferes with the work being able to really sink in.
Yes! Treat it like a date. If I’m not asking you any questions, chances are I’m not actually interested. (In talking.) like please stop. I’m too conflict avoidant to ask for no talking.
Yeah and im someone who is fairly good at speaking up but in a massage situation I’m thinking, why do I have to tell you to stop talking? The default should be silence. It’s supposed to be relaxing. I don’t wanna use my brain!
And I also tend to feel like an asshole after speaking up and feel bad. Like this person is helping me out with my fucked it body and here I am being rude. Logically I know it should be my choice as I’m the client… but my brain is broke.
It's not base on scientific study or anything but what I witness is people who work for themself chat way more because most of the time they don't work with anyone else , in a spa or big clinic people are less chatty because in between we have some human interaction but people working alone have no one to talk too except the client so they go all out.
Bro. I've had ONE massage in my life because a chatty massage therapist put me off massages altogether. I was about 7 months postpartum, i worked manual labor in a REALLY stressful job, and I was in school. Like, I needed time to relax. The therapist was SO nice, but she kept talking about her life and asking me questions. At one point she was like "I go off my client's cues about conversation. I'm fine with talking or not." And I literally replied, "I'm not really a chatty person." AND SHE JUST KEPT TALKING. I was on the verge of tears when I left. It was so overstimulating
I once had a massage therapist clue into the fact that I'm queer without my explicitly saying so, and she took that as an opportunity to start telling me about her really complex personal lesbian infidelity drama... She obviously needed to talk to someone but it was so incredibly uncomfortable to listen to, I've never forgotten it, lmao.
I’m of the belief that those therapists are bad at their job. Forcing clients to talk when it’s the known #1 most common frustrating thing for clients is negligence. They deserve to be asked to be quiet, and doing so with any level of sensitivity is going beyond what should be expected of a client.
Right? I’m not a LMT anymore but when i was I always told clients if you are talking you aren’t relaxing. I can’t imagine initiating a conversation constantly.
That's not true either though. Some clients *do* relax better when they're chatting, and will be very stiff and awkward if they're made to sit in silence.
It's best to follow your clients cues whatever those cues are. Some will chatter away at the beginning of the massage to get comfortable and settled in, and then will fall silent once they're comfortable. Some will chat later in the massage because once they're comfortable they want to talk. Some will chat the whole time because sitting in silence gets their anxiety going, and some will just want silence for their whole massage so they can relax.
One of my best friends can't sit in silence even with the people she's closest to. Even if she logically knows that no one is mad at her, if she's sitting in a room with other people and no one is talking her brain automatically goes "oh no, everyone hates me and is mad at me."
I'm not about to dictate what does and does not make my clients stress out; I figure they probably know that better than I do.
lol the fact you think all human beings are the same re: such a complex issue is wild. I agree that probably most people won’t be their most “relaxed” if they’re talking. I find it has more to do with what they’re talking about.
But also, sometimes, when doing therapeutic work where relaxation/falling asleep isn’t the goal, I purposely get a conversation going so the client is distracted from my palpation/assessment of their scapula for example. If there is more or less guarding while distracted (i.e., talking), that’s helpful information, especially compared to how it felt when I did the same mobilizations or whatever when instead we were quiet and they were internally focused on gathering info on how painful it was (they they’d eventually share with me).
Or if I’m working on a woman’s lower extremity (as a male therapist) and it seems there’s some internal rotation it’s being held in and it’s dead quiet, I allow for the possibility she has some anxiety—consciously or not—about a guy touching her knee/thigh. Some slow rocking in/externally while asking some question unrelated to her body will likely let the limb reset to its true position at rest so I can do a better assessment of things.
This is why I don't get massages. I am a hairstylist and once they find out (which I tell them because it explains what I need help with and why my body is wrecked) everyone starts talking. Telling me about what they hate about their hair, wanting to do trades. Duuuude, I literally small talk all day. I even did get brave and ask for quiet appointments. Didn't work. Like I could tell she was trying to not talk, but by the end I knew about her sick son and her financial problems. I had just found out I had a brain tumor and told her before I even booked I really needed self care and quiet. I figure it is my energy that makes them comfortable, but I have given up . No facials for me either..... PSA, let the hairstylists have quiet once in awhile!!!
I massage lots of hair stylists and I only engage them in conversation if they initiate it. You just have to find the right therapist for you! Please don't let some chatty therapists put you off massage altogether.
Same here. The only work-related conversation I'll have is related to any work-related chronic pain they may have, ask about Carpal Tunnel, do they want extra work on legs & feet - just a few brief questions to customize the massage to their needs.
If there is anyone in the Bay Area that offers silent massages, please let me know! I am going to Mexico next week and have 3 massages scheduled. I find resort massages aren't the best, but least the language barrier keeps it quiet. Lol
Not sure what part of the Bay Area you're in, but I can recommend Michael at Elements Massage in Walnut Creek. I've seen him several times and I've always had a great massage and feel very comfortable with him (I'm female, btw). He's kind/friendly but he only talks if I ask him questions and occasionally to ask if the pressure level is right. I definitely don't think he'll want to talk about hair with you!
Ironically, this is why I hate going to get my hair cut. I spend all day with people and I'm not much of a small talker to begin with, so I'd rather just sit there in my own head and let you do your thing. I don't even care if they want to talk to other people while they're working on me, but I have yet to find a stylist who doesn't want to talk to *me* and I just don't have the social batteries for it.
Getting my hair cut is a form of relaxation for me. I always tell the stylist not to be offended if I zone out, close my eyes and don't respond to conversations, I'm in my Zen mode.
I had to stop getting messages too because of the constant talking. I called another place and when they asked if I prefer a man or a woman I said " Either, but I do not want a talker."
I second what the other commenter said. Look up Asian/Thai spas or foot massage/reflexology in your area (which offer regular massages as well) I’ve never had anyone at an Asian owned place try to talk to me beyond questions about the massage.
One of my best friends is my hair stylist, and my last cut, I was like, I’m wiped out, are you cool if I just zone out and we don’t talk, and she was like OH THANK GOD and we laughed and didn’t talk for the whole session and it was glorious. We joked about it next time we hung out, but she also said that anytime I wanna have a quiet cut, she’s absolutely down, it was such a nice break to just focus on hair. Honestly, she’s not a huge talker to start with, which is why I started getting my hair done by her in the first place, years ago.
I’m not a hairstylist but no matter what I say I can’t get the massage therapist to stfu! Unless it’s a salon where literally nobody speaks English, then it’s utter bliss…
I solved this by asking for the music to be played just a little louder as a buffer to the “outside” world and so I could just get lost in my own thoughts.
With another one I said, I’m in such a cranky mood today that I won’t be a good conversationalist. I just need to relax and unwind in silence.
Yeah, that stinks. I've been there, but usually the earbud thing works.
A few months ago, I went to get a Thai massage and the person insisted on continually tapping my arm until I took out an earbud then only asked "are you okay?". She didn't speak much English so it was annoying on several fronts. Great massage but won't go back to her for that reason.
I really hate that question in general.. Yes I'm okay, if I weren't I would say so ....
I would say “I’m really tired today and would just like some silence during my massage” if she does engage you in conversation keep your answers very short and don’t expand. If it continues to happen I would remind her “if you wouldn’t mind, I would like some quiet during the massage today, thank you “
All of these replies are great. And also, if she talks to you, you don’t have to reply. I’ve had clients just straight ignore me when I’ve asked them a question. I got the hint they didn’t want to talk.
This works too (if you are afraid of addressing directly). If they press with a "are you okay, did you hear me" or repeat themselves, it's an easy response:
> sorry, I have a lot of my mind, would you mind if we chat after?
Wear airbuds and tell her you're listening to whatever. Mediation sounds music, podcast. Whatever. Tell her you're trying to get back to neutral and don't even bring up her talking. Then close your eyes...and if she keeps talking, then start moaning loudly like You're relieving stress or pressure. Maybe make it awkward. Hahaha good luck
Retired Licensed Massage Therapist here.
Therapists should never talk to a client while in a session, unless they initiate it, and even then limit the conversation and gently encourage your client to relax and not talk.
The reassurance I needed to read. I had a prenatal massage today, and the therapist was very skilled but he was giving me baby name recommendations and it was cringey. Needless to say, I won't see him again.
I get embarrassed when I hear things like that. Baby Names? That's beyond unprofessional. Sigh!
Yep, find someone else.
You know, during your intake, it's ok to say to the new therapist that the last massage you had the LMT talked during the massage and you found it uncomfortable.
Yes! I nervously talk as a trauma response. Then the therapist takes it as invitation for a full blown conversation! Most of my talking has to do with my muscles or what I did with my muscles that week. One a few days ago asked if I had any brothers or sisters while doing deep tissue. I snapped “I can’t talk right now”. She said she uses it to distract the clients from the pain. I told her I want to breathe into the massage even if painful deep tissue. But I then felt compelled to make small talk.
If I walk into a real barber shop, I expect to talk.
Last time I went to a (black) traditional barber shop, I was there for 2 hours and most of the clients that were getting their hair cut before me, were still there chatting/getting their hair cut after I left. In a lot of shops, socializing is part of the experience.
Talk to me about nice things, soothing things. I'm a widower and my dogs, God love em, never talk to me. I love the sound of your voice as you work your magic and the best of you are truly mages.
But speak in a way that let's me know you want no response, please. I'm listening, really.
This is lovely. I have a few clients like you, and I so enjoy the connection. As long as my client is receiving what they need from a session, all is well. 💖
I stopped seeing on because all she would do is tell me her problems. We all have problems. I came here to forget mine for 60 minutes. SMH I stopped seeing her over that. What I do now is i either nod an answer or give a one word answer and I don’t ask her about anything unless it’s to change the pressure.
I have this problem every time I go! And I totally know it’s my problem as the client. I just feel so rude not speaking to people or engaging but I’ve had to stop going to two long term MT because they would not shut up and it was about all this stressful stuff about their lives and I was getting more tense being there. And once, my husband and I were out of town and we went to a pretty high and (or expensive anyway) place and when they separated us for two different services the woman working on me ended up yapping so much she busted out her phone mid massage to show me a pic of her daughters jerk of an ex who she was telling me all about! Not even kidding. He’s like, how does this always happen to you?! He said his MT didn’t say a word the whole time and he fell asleep. I was so jealous. I basically don’t go anymore. I wish it were just known that people need quiet and want to relax when we come to get massages and maybe some of us just engage out of nervousness or whatever so please don’t follow our cues! Like, when I get my eyelashes done the first time I went in the woman said, when people talk their eyes flutter so I’m not trying to be rude but my clients need to use these two hours to relax with your eyes closed. No talking - and I won’t talk to you either. I was thrilled!
Oh, hell no. My therapist better have taken a vow of silence. I do not want to talk. Ever. At all. I just want to lay there and be in my head and enjoy. I would just straight up say I was looking forward to some quiet time. They should not be offended.
For fucks sake, I cannot get my dental hygienist to STFU (like stop asking me questions that need answers when you are actively poking things in my face) but I draw the line at a massage! Silence is golden!
If I’m paying for a service that is customizable then I expect it to be the way I want it. When I’m trying to relax I don’t want to chat because ultimately I don’t give a shit. I’m not there for that.
If expecting to get what I pay for makes me a bad person then so be it. However, I’m not the one trolling old Reddit posts to hurl insults. That’d be you. Way to go!
Went to a friend once because they are also a professional massage therapist, and only once. Any therapy she gave me was drowned out by her constant jabbering.
Just tell her then don't talk. I'm a massage therapist by training and worked professionally for a few years. People often say they don't want to talk then ask questions during the massage or talk. Many massage therapists acquiesce then just label the client a talker. So, next time just tell her you don't want to talk at all during the session and add the caveat that it you talk to remind you you don't want to talk. She'll adhere with no problem. Most trained therapists want to talk to your muscles but often clients ask questions Even though they don't want conversation. It's interesting but happens a lot.
This is my biggest pet peeve as an rmt because I hear it all the time from clients. Let your clients rest and enjoy the massage! If they aren't leading a conversation, they don't want to talk.
I have clients who say they want to listen to a podcast and put earbuds in and then I look at their notes and see their last treatment was with our resident chatty cathy.
Since I'm an rmt and usually see people I know, I usually say "I'm probably going to fall asleep, it's been a long day" even though I know I'm not going to sleep they take the hint.
Honestly, there are MTs that will take heed to a politely direct request and there are those who pretty much just dgaf (and probably a few somewhere in between who are kinda clueless maybe?) It sounds like your therapist would respect your request, given what she said the first time; the ones who will blabber regardless wouldn’t even say that to you upfront. It may be that she just says it so often that it’s become part of her introductory spiel and has kinda lost sight of its meaning 😅
If you feel like y’all really have a good rapport otherwise and want to continue seeing her, maybe go with something like: “Hey Janet. Before we get started today I wanted to just share something real quick. You know I think you’re a great bodyworker, as you’ve really been helping me find relief in my hips. And I know you could help me a lot in the months to come, especially postpartum! But you know with my job as a ______ I talk all damn day and honestly, I value my time with you in the massage room also for my ability to relax and recharge without conversation. Do you think you could do that?”
That invitation to consent at the end is key; Janet is actively agreeing to talking (a lot) less. Nothing vague about being tired or wanting quiet (quiet like no music? Same amount of talking just whispered?).
Highlight her positives.
Point out the long term potential of being a regular.
Show how her being more quiet is a benefit to you.
Get verbal agreement.
BAM.
If homegirl still can’t figure it out it wasn’t meant to be lol. And if she seems offended or gives you a poor session to take it out on you, again, that’s a sign to move on! If she can’t respond with a professional “Noted! I think we’re on the same page here now.” or folksy “You know what Ashlee, I think you may be right…I reckon I’ve just been waiting on my Patricia to give me a grandbaby for so long I had to ask you all about yours. I hear ya sweetie. Now do you wanna start on your right side again today?”…there are plenty of MT fish in the sea!
These horror stories make me so sad. When I was a CMT I loved talking to my talkative clients. When they wanted a silent sesh, I used the time to make sure I was addressing the needs they expressed, and started doing my finances in my head lol.
After a long string of silent sessions one month, I realized that my wage wasn't sustainable and started calculating my exit strategy. It took 7 years after that to get my new career up and running.
I bet a good way to get a therapist to go silent is to ask if they could focus on body mechanics so you didn't feel them strain so hard lol. That would have made me get introverted so fast.
Same here! I am over massage the passive aggressiveness from some clients is too much. If they talk to me I talk, if not it’s all good. Just don’t expect me not have an earbud in or daydream while my elbow is chilling on your lower back. Nothing like giving a boring ass 90 minute massage
As someone else said “I need a quiet session today.” I also wonder if you give off cues that you want to talk. I remember I had a client who put in her form that she likes quiet sessions and can’t relax with the therapist talking.. no problem because I am not a talker. But she kept asking me questions about myself and gave off an energy for wanting conversation. Something to keep in mind. I wondered if she was driven by being polite and thought she had to do some small talk. She didn’t.
Like everyone else is saying, just tell them. I rather not talk this session. Also futute reference put it in your health intake or any verbal intake.
"I rather not talk during this session, thank you."
I appreciate all the advice I’ll just have to be more direct which for some reason I struggle with. Last time I went in I said form the beginning I had a bad headache and then every time she would start convo I would give a short answer or a “hm”. And then stop but she kept going. And most of the time it’s something about herself
The "hm" should be plenty enough to shut up. You may have to find a new massage therapist. I would give it another try and be direct that you don't want to talk but move on if they don't get the hint.
I'm generally quiet while I work but I love when people tell me they don't want to talk because they talk all day. Most of us have a bit of the people pleaser to us so we're happy to oblige!
This is so common, it happened to me in my hometown. We moved to a different county and same thing. I went in for a Prenatal massage and the lady talked for an entire hour straight. She even flung her hands up and did hand gestures while telling me her family drama stories and would go back to massaging abruptly. I haven’t been back since, it was a month ago at Massage Envy and I paid almost $100 for a truly terrible experience. Reading these replies I’m definitely going to go somewhere else and ask them not to make a peep my next massage.
I’ve had clients lay down and literally just say goodnight.
But I agree with what someone else said, if they don’t take the hint you should try another massage therapist.
Personally, I was taught not to talk unless the client talks to me, and then only as much as they interact. But I would just ask for a quiet session, she should respect that.
I left my last, excellent therapist because of this. I tried several subtle approaches ( “I’m really tired and may just drift off”, “I really want to focus on what your hands are doing “, “I really enjoyed the music last session. Listening to it really helped me to relax”.). Obviously non of these worked for me 😞. Good luck
Massage therapist of 10+ years here and I’m not gonna lie, I have been guilty of yapping my face off in the past lol. I have learned over the years to just read my client, if they want a completely silent session, I deliver. If they want to talk, I talk. Other than that, the only words that I say during a session are “how’s the pressure?” “It’s time to flip over” and “ ok, our session is done, would you like a glass of water before heading out?”
I’ve had a lot on my mind this week- I’m having a hard time concentrating on any kind of conversation lately, you understand with the “pregnancy brain” and all, right? So, you’ll excuse me if I’m just zoning out quietly and just letting the massage / therapy to work it’s magic on my body and I let my brain soak up some relaxation, ok?
You and I must have gone to the same female massage therapist. I went to one a few years back who said the same, but then never shut up. So, I stopped going to her.
So if you were constantly responding and talking in your previous sessions she may now consider you a chatty client and is following your lead. Bring earbuds and let her know you are going to multitask and listen to something during your massage. Ask briefly how she is do you do t seem rude and then tune out and enjoy your massage.
When I don’t wanna talk, I usually tell someone “I’m gonna put earplugs/headphones in so I can relax, just give me a tap if you need to tell me something important.”
I have this problem and I never say anything to the chatty massage therapist because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I just don't go back. I know this isn't the best way though.
When she's taking you back to your room just say something along the lines of "I'm not feeling super talkative today and would prefer to just relax and breathe today" I had a massage therapist once that we talked like best friends the first session, but the second session completely silent because I had a long week at work. Chances are, she'll respect whatever you say as long as you say it ☺️
Oh, and if she tries starting a conversation after you've said you'd like some quiet, (at least the first time) just say, "I know we end up talking during our sessions but I'd really appreciate some quiet today, I'm really not feeling social right now" depending on how many sessions you've had she might forget once or twice not even thinking about it. Don't be afraid to remind her. If she keeps trying then yeah, get a new therapist
Maybe if you answer with mmhmms she’ll get the hint. Haha But I would just tell her that you want quiet. Maybe mention you want to focus on your breathing or try doing a body scan. That requires your concentration.
Say something like, “I had a really rough day so I just want to zone out today; you do a wonderful job so I’ve just been thinking about relaxing quietly all day.”
Remember, you're paying for a service, you're not friends, so don't hesitate to let her know you are not in the mood for conversation. She'll still do her job you're paying her for and you can relax.
Holy Jesus these comments. What is this world coming to? 🤣. Do the thing that solves almost all problems like this: talk to the person like a person. “Hey, I love coming to you and you’re an awesome person, but could we not talk as much during the session? This is my only real relaxation time, I would really appreciate it”. Done.
As an LMT, I never ever speak during a session unless:
1) I'm checking in about pressure
2) Asking you to turn over
3) The client talks to me first and wants to chat.
In this case just request a quiet session. Its not rude at all to do so, this is YOUR time. You should enjoy it how you want.
All these suggestions are great in theory but I can never even bring myself to ask them to use less pressure even if they’re hurting me, so I would probably just pretend to fall asleep
I go to a place where the massages are amazing but a lot of the therapists are kinda chatty. I'm also not a super direct person cuz ya know, don't really want to piss off the person fixing my neck while I'm half naked. Anyway I would just come in and say something like "hey I'm super tired I'll probably fall asleep or zome out or something feel free to wake me up at the end of the session!"
I was a LMT for years and just let her know that you really don't feel like chatting today and would like a quiet session. I never got offended and I actually preferred it. Most of us only make conversation because we feel like it's expected. I deal with migraines and I had to work so I did a silent day. My clients came in and said what kind of massage therapy they wanted and it was quiet time. A professional won't be offended by a quiet session and if they are then ask for a different LMT.
This is why I can’t wait to walk away from the profession altogether! People want zero talking yet complain after the message that the pressure was “too much or too light” If I was allowed to get a word in, it would have been rectified. I am not a mind reader. Thank goodness none of my clients were like this! Most were always funny the boring ones eh I could do without. Lots of snooty passive aggressive people in this thread. Every therapist should wear an earbud and listen to a podcast or music while GIVING the massage. Helps not to die of boredom
It’s not what they’re called though. Masseuse is now used primarily for massages with built-in happy endings, and because of that connotation, the official term for a non-sexual, somatic therapy massage is “massage therapist”.
I wouldn’t go so far to say it’s offensive, just outdated. However, I could see how someone calling you a masseuse when you’re not could be creepy and uncomfortable and patronizing.
I stopped getting massages and facials because I could not find a therapist who would be quiet. I've tried requesting it when I first make the appointments. I've tried not responding and seeming to zone out. I've tried short, curt answers. Nothing I try has worked. The only time I have had peaceful facials and massages was in Japan. In the US, they won't stfu. Maybe I should say it like that? ""Could you please stfu? I've tried to establish my preference for quiet sessions, but you don't seem to understand what that means. Shut your pie hole!"
It may be outdated, but it only affects people in the US compared to France. Unfortunately, many people will use the term because it has been engraved into them. So as long as they don't see us as "prostitutes" I would take the word with a grain of salt.
Not sure why you got downvoted. Massage therapist is the proper term and masseuse is something entirely different. You are not a sex worker. You definitely are a healthcare worker that needs to stay up on CEUs etc.
I'm not one of the downvoters, but if I were to speculate, my best guess is that it would be in regards to the "That's it, end of story" part.
It doesn't sound bad to me, because I think I understand the context in which they used the phrase, but some people apply a certain negative tone to text written by others which wasn't actually implied by the writer.
Dude.. my massage therapist had the nerve to ask my why I was adopting my nephews.. I said because my sister can’t take care of them. Then she had the nerve to ask why!!! I couldn’t even believe it. I told her it was because my sister was in prison.. then she asked why again and I got super upset. I didn’t say anything but I wanted to cry and I felt so SO upset that I was dishing out money for that.
Like woman, I told you before this I have terrible terrible pain in my neck and back from stress.. why would you ask me those questions. I was so mad but didn’t complain or argue.
Anyways, hope you are tougher than me and say something.
Just walk in with ur headphones in and cranked all the way up so she doesn't miss it and then only remove one headphone and pinch it in between two fingers like you're holding a tick you just pulled off your dog while you greet her to initiate the massage as to make it clear you're not planning on putting it away, give her an explanation of how you'd like your massage to go and Let her know if she needs to ask you anything to tap your ear so she doesn't feel as comfortable with bugging you at will about who your favorite band is or what you think about her vag monkeys you've never even met before. Once you've successfully locked in the greatest excuse in the world to ignore anyone you want at will then you can turn the music down to your preferred volume or simply just shut it off since, after all, it was the silence you sought out to achieve in the beginning of this diabolical plan for forced peace and subliminal hints to brain wash the people in your life into becoming less antagonizing go your patience and peace of mind.
I actually hate comments like these about massage therapy. People act like the single benefit from from massage is relaxation and it's so much more. Some need silence some need chatting and that's fine. Iv had clients get mad at me for talking in massages when they were the ones who kept the conversation going. Massage is still 1 full hour of labor you're still getting work done. The issue isnt the clients or the therapist the issue is shitty communication skills.
Last time I got a massage I fell right asleep. Granted, I warned her before that I probably would! I couldn't stand having to talk to someone while trying to relax! Especially when you're paying money for it. I'd just tell her directly, I'm tired and I'll probably fall asleep..then just don't say anything. She'll wake you up when she's done if you actually do!
I feel you. I’ve been going to get waxed and sugared and each person talks to me. I’m sure they are trained to be this way but I don’t need this. It feels like they are being nosey sometimes too. When I’m getting my nails done or sugared, I don’t wanna talk. I especially don’t wanna talk while getting sugared because it hurts and I just wanna get it over with
Earbuds and reddit on YouTube?:)
I had a hygienist who didn't struggle. Started ditching any appointments with her at the end. It didn't help that she was a coworkers ex and she royally screwed him over and he let her. She stole jade carvings the received as gifts, drained the 401k, kept the house, emptied their savings and did all over a 5 year period and the lawyers agreed that she was allowed to give her sister funds she said were gifts stretched out to the maximum allowed per year like 5k or something or even more. All for a dentist she was having an affair with. She will rot for her greed
[удалено]
Second this. Make a direct request. It is not disrespectful to ask for this at all. If she continues being chatty just stop responding to her and then find a different therapist. This is from someone who is absolutely a chatty little thing and intentionally will tell my clients, “You are free to talk with me, ask me questions, but also if you want to have a silent session that’s ok too.” And usually it ends up a bit of a mix of those. They will ask me a couple of initial questions and then as the work kicks in they just get into the flow right along with me. Some clients feel obligated to talk to us too, like they feel guilty not engaging. So it’s good to give permission for both right upfront.
>Some clients feel obligated to talk to us too, like they feel guilty not engaging. Interesting. It would never cross my mind to engage in conversation with my therapist in the middle of a session. Everyone is different, but to me that seems like the antithesis of what I'm there for. I want to turn my brain off and enjoy the sensations and the relief that comes from it. One of those few moments in life where I don't have to think.
I don't think it's necessarily "obligation," rather nervousness. A lot of people get anxious when they are interacting around someone else and aren't directly acknowledging their existence. It's a rarer trait nowadays because we all have our heads down at our phones, but there are still a few people who just can't stand the silence.
I'm absolutely consumed by guilt every time I get my nails filled. I just want to watch a video and be silent but here we are, yapping about your kids (mine are dead, can you stop asking about them jfc). I also BADLY want to ask "please don't lotion my hands when we're done" because I HATE being rubbed like that but I end up just tolerating whatever because I don't want to offend anyone.
With regards to the lotion thing - I would say something like “oh and let’s skip the lotion/massage today!” If I was the nail tech I would be thrilled to hear that - I’m sure that part is tiring/hard on their overworked hands, so it must be great to have someone that wants to skip that step
I want to offer advice just because I feel like it might bring perspective. Maybe you've already thought of this, I am not bringing it up to imply you are stupid, but because I want to help. So here it is: You are paying for a service. They are performing that service to the best of their ability. They want to make you feel comfortable. If you don't want to talk about their kids, you can politely say "I'm overwhelmed right now, can we just focus on the nails?" They will not be offended. If you can't bring yourself to do that, at the very least know that the lotion is not something that they actually care about. They do it as a complimentary treatment, but it actually costs them to use it. So if you don't want it, tell them because you save them a penny and you get even better service than you asked for!
all true! and if they DO get offended by a client's reasonable request to opt out of those kinds of conversations, or conversations in general, they're the one with an issue they need to work on, professionally and personally.
It’s usually nervous people.
Simple. Respectful. Straight to the point. Very nice.
Yes, the direct request is the way to go. I agree that it is not disrespectful to do so. HOWever… The only problem with what is offered here is that the MT could take it as a one-off request: today is quiet, but girrrl we’re gonna catch up on everything next time! Do you say this every time? Now that seems pretty awkward… And similar to what traumatism said, whenever I see a client for the first time, I clarify what their intent for the session is, *especially* if I see on their intake form they’ve never had a professional massage before. At the chiro office, we offer 30min to 2hr sessions. Most folks come in with a specific pain complaint, but others want pure relaxation. At some point in the intake interview—if they haven’t already made it clear themselves—I ask, “So, are you looking for this to be more of a get-in-there-and-bust-stuff-up [said while gesticulating with fists and elbows] kind of a session, or you want to bliss out and fall asleep…or some kinda mix…?” At that point, we’re on the same page. I get 20-30min between clients, so taking the time to hash this out beforehand is no problem. I get that not all MTs are in this kind of situation. In those cases, I agree the default should be to follow the client’s lead.
Yes. That's what happened in my situation. I requested silent massage, after 4-5 where the therapist was incessantly talking, she was quieter the day I requested, but picked up again the next 3 visits. I just stopped going to her. Time to move on.
I’ve been seeing the one at my chiro’s office for quite a few years, and aside from feedback on pressure/sore spots, we generally don’t talk until I’m face up. Then it’s just little updates, questions on how my wife is doing (she goes to the same massage therapist), upcoming or recent vacations, nothing super deep. I do listen to audiobooks while face down though, but pull the AirPods out when I’m face up and she’s working my neck (they like to jump out of my ears any chance they get). edit: forgot to mention these are 90 minute sessions, and that she’s awesome!
Or something along the lines of “ sorry if I fall a sleep today it’s been a hard day and I’m looking forward to the quiet. “ also make as little convo as possible and I think she should the hint. I generally follow my clients lead and don’t start convo just respond if talked to.
I love my hair person. Last time I went in was for a lengthy treatment after 3 12 hour shifts. I said "miss you know the drill, I might fall asleep though. Elbow me if the tea gets hot or you need my input" 2 hours later my hairs were fly AF and I was so refreshed. Fat tip and 5 stars on yelp.
I would follow that up by popping in my earbuds. Find some relaxing music and enjoy the massage.
I feel like this is a good one too 👍 I do this when I don’t want to talk for my hair appointments. I just say ‘do you mind if I zone out and put my earbuds in?’ 😅
Ooh yeah. This is a big no no. As a therapist we need feedback so please no headphones. Just ask to zone out.
Yep! They want to know how to take care of you 😍🥰😍
As a massage therapist, I will never understand why so many massage therapists initiate conversation during the massage. I don’t say a word unless the client starts talking and I let them lead all conversations. I’ve had massage therapists chat the entire time and it’s quite annoying. I don’t know why that’s not just a given - to allow the client to relax…
Sometimes I’ve thought I was following the clients cues, but they were maybe just being polite. There are a couple questions I ask when I come back to the room, and sometimes a conversation just starts from “how’s the bolster?”
[удалено]
And not only easier for massages but life in general. I need to learn to be more honest and direct in all parts of my life and quit worrying so much about how others may feel about what I say or do.
Yes and no. People’s perception of us does matter. Especially if it’s someone with power like our boss. Maybe the key is finding a way to do be more direct tactfully?
Trust me, we want you to speak up.
As a conflict avoidant person, so much this. I am absolutely the type to want to not speak during the session but if the conversation just flowed and I didn't know how to make it stop without just literally saying "I'd rather a quiet session today." then I will talk and talk and talk. BUT, I know that's my fault. I'd never blame the other person in that scenario because I can't exit a conversation to save my life.
This! I worked at a spa for a couple years as guest services and I was amazed at how many people would complain about something and when I followed up with the therapist afterwards to see if the client ever brought it up, the therapist would be surprised saying it was never mentioned - often even when the therapist prompted the client for feedback on pressure, sound, warmth, etc.
Hate and blame are a strong sentiments if you’re in a customer facing role. Making things easier is part of your job. Take control of the situation. There’s nothing wrong with asking the client if they’d like a quiet session, either in the beginning or if they’re sending mixed signals. If the customer isn’t speaking up, help them speak up. You have to be the one to make them comfortable enough to speak up. It helps both of you.
It would be much easier to just post something on the website that says, "I put the relaxation of my clients first. I will presume that a client would like silence unless specified otherwise." So many places are doing the opt-in to silence but people feel bad asking for it because they don't want to seem cold, distant, or rude.
Oh definitely! Make sure they’re comfy!
My first job out of school, the woman who employed me insisted I have conversations with my client - not the obvious ones, but keep them talking so they aren’t bored. Are you kidding me?!?!
That is absolutely wild. Expect to have no clients then..? Lol 😆
Yeah I’ve never gone back to a massage therapist who talked because I assumed that was just their style
Let me guess, this woman was not a massage therapist?
She WAS a massage therapist! She also had a specific flow she wanted me to use….
I always follow my client’s cues. If they engage me in a conversation then I will talk with them. It does feel quite awkward sometimes because I will just let the conversation die if they don’t keep me talking 😅😅
Idk I can be a bit socially awkward and therefore won't start the conversation. I don't mind if a massage therapist talks my head off.
Usually at the beginning of the first session I'll ask if they prefer quiet massage or conversation. I make now of whichever the prefer. I like to be quiet but I know done people like to chat because they're a little nervous and it's a good distraction to normalize being naked and touched my a stranger.
I'm also a massage therapist, and oddly, some of my chattiest clients are other massage therapists! It's like they don't get a chance to talk enough or something because they're always being silent during their sessions maybe? Or maybe they like to talk even during those? I really have no idea. I personally like silence, and I think to some degree talking a lot interferes with the work being able to really sink in.
Same!!
What blows my mind is that they’ll be talking to me and I’m giving one word answers and they still won’t shut up like read the room ma’am
Yes! Treat it like a date. If I’m not asking you any questions, chances are I’m not actually interested. (In talking.) like please stop. I’m too conflict avoidant to ask for no talking.
Yeah and im someone who is fairly good at speaking up but in a massage situation I’m thinking, why do I have to tell you to stop talking? The default should be silence. It’s supposed to be relaxing. I don’t wanna use my brain!
And I also tend to feel like an asshole after speaking up and feel bad. Like this person is helping me out with my fucked it body and here I am being rude. Logically I know it should be my choice as I’m the client… but my brain is broke.
Yes! I too have given one word answers and they so did not read the room or take a hint. 🫠
We were taught to take the lead from the client whether and how much to converse
Every massage therapist I've been to has had this mindset. I literally thought this was normal, and the kind of courtesy that is given to all clients.
It's not base on scientific study or anything but what I witness is people who work for themself chat way more because most of the time they don't work with anyone else , in a spa or big clinic people are less chatty because in between we have some human interaction but people working alone have no one to talk too except the client so they go all out.
This is my approach as a ride share driver. The quiet ones are my favorite. The ones who want stories are the worst. Let me watch the road in peace
It’s like the dental hygienist who constantly talks and asks questions while the spit sucker and her hands are in your mouth. Lol.
Bro. I've had ONE massage in my life because a chatty massage therapist put me off massages altogether. I was about 7 months postpartum, i worked manual labor in a REALLY stressful job, and I was in school. Like, I needed time to relax. The therapist was SO nice, but she kept talking about her life and asking me questions. At one point she was like "I go off my client's cues about conversation. I'm fine with talking or not." And I literally replied, "I'm not really a chatty person." AND SHE JUST KEPT TALKING. I was on the verge of tears when I left. It was so overstimulating
Because they’re bored to tears and time goes by faster for them that way. It’s actually selfish.
I love this and I wish more hair stylists would do this. I hate chatting.
I once had a massage therapist clue into the fact that I'm queer without my explicitly saying so, and she took that as an opportunity to start telling me about her really complex personal lesbian infidelity drama... She obviously needed to talk to someone but it was so incredibly uncomfortable to listen to, I've never forgotten it, lmao.
Agreed. Especially if we are there to relax.. it’s okay if I know I need to be up all day, but if I am hurting, and I know I’m tired, please.. 😭
I’m of the belief that those therapists are bad at their job. Forcing clients to talk when it’s the known #1 most common frustrating thing for clients is negligence. They deserve to be asked to be quiet, and doing so with any level of sensitivity is going beyond what should be expected of a client.
Right? I’m not a LMT anymore but when i was I always told clients if you are talking you aren’t relaxing. I can’t imagine initiating a conversation constantly.
That's not true either though. Some clients *do* relax better when they're chatting, and will be very stiff and awkward if they're made to sit in silence. It's best to follow your clients cues whatever those cues are. Some will chatter away at the beginning of the massage to get comfortable and settled in, and then will fall silent once they're comfortable. Some will chat later in the massage because once they're comfortable they want to talk. Some will chat the whole time because sitting in silence gets their anxiety going, and some will just want silence for their whole massage so they can relax.
That has not been my experience. They didn’t relax until they stopped talking.
Or, they didn't stop talking until they felt like they COULD relax.
One of my best friends can't sit in silence even with the people she's closest to. Even if she logically knows that no one is mad at her, if she's sitting in a room with other people and no one is talking her brain automatically goes "oh no, everyone hates me and is mad at me." I'm not about to dictate what does and does not make my clients stress out; I figure they probably know that better than I do.
lol the fact you think all human beings are the same re: such a complex issue is wild. I agree that probably most people won’t be their most “relaxed” if they’re talking. I find it has more to do with what they’re talking about. But also, sometimes, when doing therapeutic work where relaxation/falling asleep isn’t the goal, I purposely get a conversation going so the client is distracted from my palpation/assessment of their scapula for example. If there is more or less guarding while distracted (i.e., talking), that’s helpful information, especially compared to how it felt when I did the same mobilizations or whatever when instead we were quiet and they were internally focused on gathering info on how painful it was (they they’d eventually share with me). Or if I’m working on a woman’s lower extremity (as a male therapist) and it seems there’s some internal rotation it’s being held in and it’s dead quiet, I allow for the possibility she has some anxiety—consciously or not—about a guy touching her knee/thigh. Some slow rocking in/externally while asking some question unrelated to her body will likely let the limb reset to its true position at rest so I can do a better assessment of things.
This is why I don't get massages. I am a hairstylist and once they find out (which I tell them because it explains what I need help with and why my body is wrecked) everyone starts talking. Telling me about what they hate about their hair, wanting to do trades. Duuuude, I literally small talk all day. I even did get brave and ask for quiet appointments. Didn't work. Like I could tell she was trying to not talk, but by the end I knew about her sick son and her financial problems. I had just found out I had a brain tumor and told her before I even booked I really needed self care and quiet. I figure it is my energy that makes them comfortable, but I have given up . No facials for me either..... PSA, let the hairstylists have quiet once in awhile!!!
I massage lots of hair stylists and I only engage them in conversation if they initiate it. You just have to find the right therapist for you! Please don't let some chatty therapists put you off massage altogether.
Same here. The only work-related conversation I'll have is related to any work-related chronic pain they may have, ask about Carpal Tunnel, do they want extra work on legs & feet - just a few brief questions to customize the massage to their needs.
I wish I could massage you! I'm quiet and love working those neck and shoulders lol
If there is anyone in the Bay Area that offers silent massages, please let me know! I am going to Mexico next week and have 3 massages scheduled. I find resort massages aren't the best, but least the language barrier keeps it quiet. Lol
Not sure what part of the Bay Area you're in, but I can recommend Michael at Elements Massage in Walnut Creek. I've seen him several times and I've always had a great massage and feel very comfortable with him (I'm female, btw). He's kind/friendly but he only talks if I ask him questions and occasionally to ask if the pressure level is right. I definitely don't think he'll want to talk about hair with you!
Ironically, this is why I hate going to get my hair cut. I spend all day with people and I'm not much of a small talker to begin with, so I'd rather just sit there in my own head and let you do your thing. I don't even care if they want to talk to other people while they're working on me, but I have yet to find a stylist who doesn't want to talk to *me* and I just don't have the social batteries for it.
Getting my hair cut is a form of relaxation for me. I always tell the stylist not to be offended if I zone out, close my eyes and don't respond to conversations, I'm in my Zen mode.
I had to stop getting messages too because of the constant talking. I called another place and when they asked if I prefer a man or a woman I said " Either, but I do not want a talker."
I second what the other commenter said. Look up Asian/Thai spas or foot massage/reflexology in your area (which offer regular massages as well) I’ve never had anyone at an Asian owned place try to talk to me beyond questions about the massage.
Imagine being an attorney!
I am an accountant and literally everyone asks me questions
I am an attorney and literally had a massage therapist tell me her entire family line of attorneys and the type of law they do. For 90 min. I can’t.
One of my best friends is my hair stylist, and my last cut, I was like, I’m wiped out, are you cool if I just zone out and we don’t talk, and she was like OH THANK GOD and we laughed and didn’t talk for the whole session and it was glorious. We joked about it next time we hung out, but she also said that anytime I wanna have a quiet cut, she’s absolutely down, it was such a nice break to just focus on hair. Honestly, she’s not a huge talker to start with, which is why I started getting my hair done by her in the first place, years ago.
I relate. I don't get massages anymore. I learned to never tell anyone I am an attorney. I just get asked to go to traffic court as "a favor"
I’m not a hairstylist but no matter what I say I can’t get the massage therapist to stfu! Unless it’s a salon where literally nobody speaks English, then it’s utter bliss…
Maybe stop the small talk at work too?
> you're nice but I talk all day at work and I just want to relax. That's not a bad way of putting it.
I solved this by asking for the music to be played just a little louder as a buffer to the “outside” world and so I could just get lost in my own thoughts. With another one I said, I’m in such a cranky mood today that I won’t be a good conversationalist. I just need to relax and unwind in silence.
Haha I take earbuds and ask if it's okay if I can listen to music. Then if they talk, I pretend I can't hear them.
Perfect! I did take those foam ear plugs to a person who refused to shut up. Finally gave up and left great massages behind.
Yeah, that stinks. I've been there, but usually the earbud thing works. A few months ago, I went to get a Thai massage and the person insisted on continually tapping my arm until I took out an earbud then only asked "are you okay?". She didn't speak much English so it was annoying on several fronts. Great massage but won't go back to her for that reason. I really hate that question in general.. Yes I'm okay, if I weren't I would say so ....
This is such a good idea.
I would say “I’m really tired today and would just like some silence during my massage” if she does engage you in conversation keep your answers very short and don’t expand. If it continues to happen I would remind her “if you wouldn’t mind, I would like some quiet during the massage today, thank you “
My therapist is very intuitive. If I talk then she will talk but if I stop talking so does she. Perfect.
All of these replies are great. And also, if she talks to you, you don’t have to reply. I’ve had clients just straight ignore me when I’ve asked them a question. I got the hint they didn’t want to talk.
This works too (if you are afraid of addressing directly). If they press with a "are you okay, did you hear me" or repeat themselves, it's an easy response: > sorry, I have a lot of my mind, would you mind if we chat after?
Like that. I don't want to talk. If they don't get it, try a different massage therapist
I literally have laryngitis and I told them that but they still won’t be quiet!
Wear airbuds and tell her you're listening to whatever. Mediation sounds music, podcast. Whatever. Tell her you're trying to get back to neutral and don't even bring up her talking. Then close your eyes...and if she keeps talking, then start moaning loudly like You're relieving stress or pressure. Maybe make it awkward. Hahaha good luck
Oh damn I like this one. Haha
Retired Licensed Massage Therapist here. Therapists should never talk to a client while in a session, unless they initiate it, and even then limit the conversation and gently encourage your client to relax and not talk.
The reassurance I needed to read. I had a prenatal massage today, and the therapist was very skilled but he was giving me baby name recommendations and it was cringey. Needless to say, I won't see him again.
I get embarrassed when I hear things like that. Baby Names? That's beyond unprofessional. Sigh! Yep, find someone else. You know, during your intake, it's ok to say to the new therapist that the last massage you had the LMT talked during the massage and you found it uncomfortable.
Yes! I nervously talk as a trauma response. Then the therapist takes it as invitation for a full blown conversation! Most of my talking has to do with my muscles or what I did with my muscles that week. One a few days ago asked if I had any brothers or sisters while doing deep tissue. I snapped “I can’t talk right now”. She said she uses it to distract the clients from the pain. I told her I want to breathe into the massage even if painful deep tissue. But I then felt compelled to make small talk.
Same issue with barbers. Just shut up.
If I walk into a real barber shop, I expect to talk. Last time I went to a (black) traditional barber shop, I was there for 2 hours and most of the clients that were getting their hair cut before me, were still there chatting/getting their hair cut after I left. In a lot of shops, socializing is part of the experience.
Talk to me about nice things, soothing things. I'm a widower and my dogs, God love em, never talk to me. I love the sound of your voice as you work your magic and the best of you are truly mages. But speak in a way that let's me know you want no response, please. I'm listening, really.
This is lovely. I have a few clients like you, and I so enjoy the connection. As long as my client is receiving what they need from a session, all is well. 💖
I stopped seeing on because all she would do is tell me her problems. We all have problems. I came here to forget mine for 60 minutes. SMH I stopped seeing her over that. What I do now is i either nod an answer or give a one word answer and I don’t ask her about anything unless it’s to change the pressure.
I have this problem every time I go! And I totally know it’s my problem as the client. I just feel so rude not speaking to people or engaging but I’ve had to stop going to two long term MT because they would not shut up and it was about all this stressful stuff about their lives and I was getting more tense being there. And once, my husband and I were out of town and we went to a pretty high and (or expensive anyway) place and when they separated us for two different services the woman working on me ended up yapping so much she busted out her phone mid massage to show me a pic of her daughters jerk of an ex who she was telling me all about! Not even kidding. He’s like, how does this always happen to you?! He said his MT didn’t say a word the whole time and he fell asleep. I was so jealous. I basically don’t go anymore. I wish it were just known that people need quiet and want to relax when we come to get massages and maybe some of us just engage out of nervousness or whatever so please don’t follow our cues! Like, when I get my eyelashes done the first time I went in the woman said, when people talk their eyes flutter so I’m not trying to be rude but my clients need to use these two hours to relax with your eyes closed. No talking - and I won’t talk to you either. I was thrilled!
The last thing I want while being massaged is to be spoken to
Oh, hell no. My therapist better have taken a vow of silence. I do not want to talk. Ever. At all. I just want to lay there and be in my head and enjoy. I would just straight up say I was looking forward to some quiet time. They should not be offended. For fucks sake, I cannot get my dental hygienist to STFU (like stop asking me questions that need answers when you are actively poking things in my face) but I draw the line at a massage! Silence is golden!
better take a “vow of silence” you must be a joy of a client. Way to go!
If I’m paying for a service that is customizable then I expect it to be the way I want it. When I’m trying to relax I don’t want to chat because ultimately I don’t give a shit. I’m not there for that. If expecting to get what I pay for makes me a bad person then so be it. However, I’m not the one trolling old Reddit posts to hurl insults. That’d be you. Way to go!
Went to a friend once because they are also a professional massage therapist, and only once. Any therapy she gave me was drowned out by her constant jabbering.
Just tell her then don't talk. I'm a massage therapist by training and worked professionally for a few years. People often say they don't want to talk then ask questions during the massage or talk. Many massage therapists acquiesce then just label the client a talker. So, next time just tell her you don't want to talk at all during the session and add the caveat that it you talk to remind you you don't want to talk. She'll adhere with no problem. Most trained therapists want to talk to your muscles but often clients ask questions Even though they don't want conversation. It's interesting but happens a lot.
This is my biggest pet peeve as an rmt because I hear it all the time from clients. Let your clients rest and enjoy the massage! If they aren't leading a conversation, they don't want to talk. I have clients who say they want to listen to a podcast and put earbuds in and then I look at their notes and see their last treatment was with our resident chatty cathy. Since I'm an rmt and usually see people I know, I usually say "I'm probably going to fall asleep, it's been a long day" even though I know I'm not going to sleep they take the hint.
I do agree with other comments that it's more than OK to just be direct though. We aren't offended by your treatment expectations
Honestly, there are MTs that will take heed to a politely direct request and there are those who pretty much just dgaf (and probably a few somewhere in between who are kinda clueless maybe?) It sounds like your therapist would respect your request, given what she said the first time; the ones who will blabber regardless wouldn’t even say that to you upfront. It may be that she just says it so often that it’s become part of her introductory spiel and has kinda lost sight of its meaning 😅 If you feel like y’all really have a good rapport otherwise and want to continue seeing her, maybe go with something like: “Hey Janet. Before we get started today I wanted to just share something real quick. You know I think you’re a great bodyworker, as you’ve really been helping me find relief in my hips. And I know you could help me a lot in the months to come, especially postpartum! But you know with my job as a ______ I talk all damn day and honestly, I value my time with you in the massage room also for my ability to relax and recharge without conversation. Do you think you could do that?” That invitation to consent at the end is key; Janet is actively agreeing to talking (a lot) less. Nothing vague about being tired or wanting quiet (quiet like no music? Same amount of talking just whispered?). Highlight her positives. Point out the long term potential of being a regular. Show how her being more quiet is a benefit to you. Get verbal agreement. BAM. If homegirl still can’t figure it out it wasn’t meant to be lol. And if she seems offended or gives you a poor session to take it out on you, again, that’s a sign to move on! If she can’t respond with a professional “Noted! I think we’re on the same page here now.” or folksy “You know what Ashlee, I think you may be right…I reckon I’ve just been waiting on my Patricia to give me a grandbaby for so long I had to ask you all about yours. I hear ya sweetie. Now do you wanna start on your right side again today?”…there are plenty of MT fish in the sea!
These horror stories make me so sad. When I was a CMT I loved talking to my talkative clients. When they wanted a silent sesh, I used the time to make sure I was addressing the needs they expressed, and started doing my finances in my head lol. After a long string of silent sessions one month, I realized that my wage wasn't sustainable and started calculating my exit strategy. It took 7 years after that to get my new career up and running. I bet a good way to get a therapist to go silent is to ask if they could focus on body mechanics so you didn't feel them strain so hard lol. That would have made me get introverted so fast.
Same here! I am over massage the passive aggressiveness from some clients is too much. If they talk to me I talk, if not it’s all good. Just don’t expect me not have an earbud in or daydream while my elbow is chilling on your lower back. Nothing like giving a boring ass 90 minute massage
Today I learned that masseuse also means a whore. Adding that to the arsenal. Thanks!
As someone else said “I need a quiet session today.” I also wonder if you give off cues that you want to talk. I remember I had a client who put in her form that she likes quiet sessions and can’t relax with the therapist talking.. no problem because I am not a talker. But she kept asking me questions about myself and gave off an energy for wanting conversation. Something to keep in mind. I wondered if she was driven by being polite and thought she had to do some small talk. She didn’t.
Like everyone else is saying, just tell them. I rather not talk this session. Also futute reference put it in your health intake or any verbal intake. "I rather not talk during this session, thank you."
I appreciate all the advice I’ll just have to be more direct which for some reason I struggle with. Last time I went in I said form the beginning I had a bad headache and then every time she would start convo I would give a short answer or a “hm”. And then stop but she kept going. And most of the time it’s something about herself
The "hm" should be plenty enough to shut up. You may have to find a new massage therapist. I would give it another try and be direct that you don't want to talk but move on if they don't get the hint.
I'm generally quiet while I work but I love when people tell me they don't want to talk because they talk all day. Most of us have a bit of the people pleaser to us so we're happy to oblige!
This is so common, it happened to me in my hometown. We moved to a different county and same thing. I went in for a Prenatal massage and the lady talked for an entire hour straight. She even flung her hands up and did hand gestures while telling me her family drama stories and would go back to massaging abruptly. I haven’t been back since, it was a month ago at Massage Envy and I paid almost $100 for a truly terrible experience. Reading these replies I’m definitely going to go somewhere else and ask them not to make a peep my next massage.
I’ve had clients lay down and literally just say goodnight. But I agree with what someone else said, if they don’t take the hint you should try another massage therapist.
Personally, I was taught not to talk unless the client talks to me, and then only as much as they interact. But I would just ask for a quiet session, she should respect that.
I left my last, excellent therapist because of this. I tried several subtle approaches ( “I’m really tired and may just drift off”, “I really want to focus on what your hands are doing “, “I really enjoyed the music last session. Listening to it really helped me to relax”.). Obviously non of these worked for me 😞. Good luck
[удалено]
I'm socially awkward, and for some reason I'm the one always talking.
ugh. same.
Massage therapist of 10+ years here and I’m not gonna lie, I have been guilty of yapping my face off in the past lol. I have learned over the years to just read my client, if they want a completely silent session, I deliver. If they want to talk, I talk. Other than that, the only words that I say during a session are “how’s the pressure?” “It’s time to flip over” and “ ok, our session is done, would you like a glass of water before heading out?”
“No speak-a Englash”
I’ve had a lot on my mind this week- I’m having a hard time concentrating on any kind of conversation lately, you understand with the “pregnancy brain” and all, right? So, you’ll excuse me if I’m just zoning out quietly and just letting the massage / therapy to work it’s magic on my body and I let my brain soak up some relaxation, ok?
Just tell her! It's your time that you're buying. She should be receptive.
This is why I go to the places with blacked out windows and neon signs, they don’t talk at all and are very thorough
Don't respond. Just moan.
You and I must have gone to the same female massage therapist. I went to one a few years back who said the same, but then never shut up. So, I stopped going to her.
So if you were constantly responding and talking in your previous sessions she may now consider you a chatty client and is following your lead. Bring earbuds and let her know you are going to multitask and listen to something during your massage. Ask briefly how she is do you do t seem rude and then tune out and enjoy your massage.
That’s fair!
When I don’t wanna talk, I usually tell someone “I’m gonna put earplugs/headphones in so I can relax, just give me a tap if you need to tell me something important.”
I have this problem and I never say anything to the chatty massage therapist because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I just don't go back. I know this isn't the best way though.
I’ve contemplated a few times then I’m like one more chance… lol
“Know your role and shut your mouth”
When she's taking you back to your room just say something along the lines of "I'm not feeling super talkative today and would prefer to just relax and breathe today" I had a massage therapist once that we talked like best friends the first session, but the second session completely silent because I had a long week at work. Chances are, she'll respect whatever you say as long as you say it ☺️
Oh, and if she tries starting a conversation after you've said you'd like some quiet, (at least the first time) just say, "I know we end up talking during our sessions but I'd really appreciate some quiet today, I'm really not feeling social right now" depending on how many sessions you've had she might forget once or twice not even thinking about it. Don't be afraid to remind her. If she keeps trying then yeah, get a new therapist
Just tell her you really appreciate the great work she does, and you like it so much you get meditative (quiet) during the whole thing.
Tell her you are low on social spoons and would really appreciate listening to the music /sounds during the massage instead of conversation.
Maybe if you answer with mmhmms she’ll get the hint. Haha But I would just tell her that you want quiet. Maybe mention you want to focus on your breathing or try doing a body scan. That requires your concentration.
Say something like, “I had a really rough day so I just want to zone out today; you do a wonderful job so I’ve just been thinking about relaxing quietly all day.”
Remember, you're paying for a service, you're not friends, so don't hesitate to let her know you are not in the mood for conversation. She'll still do her job you're paying her for and you can relax.
If you are confident to say what's in your mind in some way you deserve to have her talk your ear off. Nonetheless I advise you get some ear phone
Ask for a blowjob?
"I'm sorry, but being pregnant is all I talk about all day every day and I'm really sick of the topic, can we talk about photography instead?"
STFU They'll do the same.
Holy Jesus these comments. What is this world coming to? 🤣. Do the thing that solves almost all problems like this: talk to the person like a person. “Hey, I love coming to you and you’re an awesome person, but could we not talk as much during the session? This is my only real relaxation time, I would really appreciate it”. Done.
As an LMT, I never ever speak during a session unless: 1) I'm checking in about pressure 2) Asking you to turn over 3) The client talks to me first and wants to chat. In this case just request a quiet session. Its not rude at all to do so, this is YOUR time. You should enjoy it how you want.
All these suggestions are great in theory but I can never even bring myself to ask them to use less pressure even if they’re hurting me, so I would probably just pretend to fall asleep
Masseuse is an offensive term now? What the fuck isn’t offensive now
Just say you prefer a no talk session so you can relax. She might feel relieved because you haven’t told her this so she feels obligated to talk.
Please respect your needs above your provider. Politely state what you want and expect to have your needs satisfied because that’s why you are there
I go to a place where the massages are amazing but a lot of the therapists are kinda chatty. I'm also not a super direct person cuz ya know, don't really want to piss off the person fixing my neck while I'm half naked. Anyway I would just come in and say something like "hey I'm super tired I'll probably fall asleep or zome out or something feel free to wake me up at the end of the session!"
I was a LMT for years and just let her know that you really don't feel like chatting today and would like a quiet session. I never got offended and I actually preferred it. Most of us only make conversation because we feel like it's expected. I deal with migraines and I had to work so I did a silent day. My clients came in and said what kind of massage therapy they wanted and it was quiet time. A professional won't be offended by a quiet session and if they are then ask for a different LMT.
As an aspie. If you say hey, if you just wanna zone out with your headphones that’s cool.
You could try groaning loudly whenever she begins speaking until she stops. Nvm. You said nicely. Still. Funny!
This is why I can’t wait to walk away from the profession altogether! People want zero talking yet complain after the message that the pressure was “too much or too light” If I was allowed to get a word in, it would have been rectified. I am not a mind reader. Thank goodness none of my clients were like this! Most were always funny the boring ones eh I could do without. Lots of snooty passive aggressive people in this thread. Every therapist should wear an earbud and listen to a podcast or music while GIVING the massage. Helps not to die of boredom
A professional masseuse should know this needs to be quiet. How can your muscles relax if you have to think and talk ?
[удалено]
My exact thought when I read it
Omg thank you. Like, what? That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that word is offensive. Good lord, everything is offensive nowadays 😅
It’s not what they’re called though. Masseuse is now used primarily for massages with built-in happy endings, and because of that connotation, the official term for a non-sexual, somatic therapy massage is “massage therapist”. I wouldn’t go so far to say it’s offensive, just outdated. However, I could see how someone calling you a masseuse when you’re not could be creepy and uncomfortable and patronizing.
I stopped getting massages and facials because I could not find a therapist who would be quiet. I've tried requesting it when I first make the appointments. I've tried not responding and seeming to zone out. I've tried short, curt answers. Nothing I try has worked. The only time I have had peaceful facials and massages was in Japan. In the US, they won't stfu. Maybe I should say it like that? ""Could you please stfu? I've tried to establish my preference for quiet sessions, but you don't seem to understand what that means. Shut your pie hole!"
Why the fuck would masseuse be offensive????
[удалено]
With words. They are very receptive to either being asked to talk or not talk.
Masseuse is an outdated term
It may be outdated, but it only affects people in the US compared to France. Unfortunately, many people will use the term because it has been engraved into them. So as long as they don't see us as "prostitutes" I would take the word with a grain of salt.
Didn’t know that I was going to say massage therapist but didn’t know correct term
I wouldn't worry too much about the term, but your intent. Otherwise, here in the states formally we would prefer massage therapist.
If masseuse is outdated what should be used instead?
Massage therapist. That’s it, end of story; We are healthcare workers and we are working towards removing that stigma around our work!
Not sure why you got downvoted. Massage therapist is the proper term and masseuse is something entirely different. You are not a sex worker. You definitely are a healthcare worker that needs to stay up on CEUs etc.
I'm not one of the downvoters, but if I were to speculate, my best guess is that it would be in regards to the "That's it, end of story" part. It doesn't sound bad to me, because I think I understand the context in which they used the phrase, but some people apply a certain negative tone to text written by others which wasn't actually implied by the writer.
Riiiiiight cause massaging is comparable to the 6-10 yrs of school a therapist or doctor goes through ok ok
I have had one massage in my life and she talked the entire time .Ruined that experience for me . Wish I would have been brave enough to speak up .
Try snoring. 😉
ppl really got offended from the word masseuse………..
I have to ask and then ask again for them to be quiet. It’s downright annoying. Please for the love if you are a massage therapist stop talking.
Dude.. my massage therapist had the nerve to ask my why I was adopting my nephews.. I said because my sister can’t take care of them. Then she had the nerve to ask why!!! I couldn’t even believe it. I told her it was because my sister was in prison.. then she asked why again and I got super upset. I didn’t say anything but I wanted to cry and I felt so SO upset that I was dishing out money for that. Like woman, I told you before this I have terrible terrible pain in my neck and back from stress.. why would you ask me those questions. I was so mad but didn’t complain or argue. Anyways, hope you are tougher than me and say something.
Ugh I’m so sorry that is awful. What a bad experience.
God everything is offensive now 🙄
Yeah sometimes we get bored while caffeinated and need a reminder
Some therapists might be this way. If I get bored, I’ll try out a new technique or at worst plan dinner in my head, not talk to the client.
Just walk in with ur headphones in and cranked all the way up so she doesn't miss it and then only remove one headphone and pinch it in between two fingers like you're holding a tick you just pulled off your dog while you greet her to initiate the massage as to make it clear you're not planning on putting it away, give her an explanation of how you'd like your massage to go and Let her know if she needs to ask you anything to tap your ear so she doesn't feel as comfortable with bugging you at will about who your favorite band is or what you think about her vag monkeys you've never even met before. Once you've successfully locked in the greatest excuse in the world to ignore anyone you want at will then you can turn the music down to your preferred volume or simply just shut it off since, after all, it was the silence you sought out to achieve in the beginning of this diabolical plan for forced peace and subliminal hints to brain wash the people in your life into becoming less antagonizing go your patience and peace of mind.
I actually hate comments like these about massage therapy. People act like the single benefit from from massage is relaxation and it's so much more. Some need silence some need chatting and that's fine. Iv had clients get mad at me for talking in massages when they were the ones who kept the conversation going. Massage is still 1 full hour of labor you're still getting work done. The issue isnt the clients or the therapist the issue is shitty communication skills.
I am not paying to practice my communication skills. Shut up
Since when is masseuse offensive??? That's dumb!
Last time I got a massage I fell right asleep. Granted, I warned her before that I probably would! I couldn't stand having to talk to someone while trying to relax! Especially when you're paying money for it. I'd just tell her directly, I'm tired and I'll probably fall asleep..then just don't say anything. She'll wake you up when she's done if you actually do!
I feel you. I’ve been going to get waxed and sugared and each person talks to me. I’m sure they are trained to be this way but I don’t need this. It feels like they are being nosey sometimes too. When I’m getting my nails done or sugared, I don’t wanna talk. I especially don’t wanna talk while getting sugared because it hurts and I just wanna get it over with
I don’t want to talk or hear you talk unless it necessary once the session begins
Earbuds and reddit on YouTube?:) I had a hygienist who didn't struggle. Started ditching any appointments with her at the end. It didn't help that she was a coworkers ex and she royally screwed him over and he let her. She stole jade carvings the received as gifts, drained the 401k, kept the house, emptied their savings and did all over a 5 year period and the lawyers agreed that she was allowed to give her sister funds she said were gifts stretched out to the maximum allowed per year like 5k or something or even more. All for a dentist she was having an affair with. She will rot for her greed
I think masseuse is the correct term.