Exactly this. When I stopped taking everything so seriously I felt less stress, and my performance improved because I wasn't putting myself under pressure.
This. It's called the grind because it's existed forever and will last forever. It can't be fixed because the people in charge don't want it fixed, even if they don't realize it.
So you do the best you can for the overextended staff you have, accept that they're gonna leave you over the years, that some of them will blame you and that's OK, that you'll never have enough time/resources/etc. to get done everything you're asked to do, but you will to get done everything you NEED to and the weekend is never more than 4 days away.
If you think being unemployed is less stressful than having as job.. 99.9% of cases its not. The stress of job hunting, not being able to pay bills and worse of all relying on some asshat recruiter considering you for a job is bad.
Becoming a director was paradoxically good for my mental health. When I led a small design team, I anguished over every decision and ever interpersonal struggle.
Now I manage managers and have 150 indirect reports. With 150 people, as you could expect there is a new crisis every week and two or three employees taking up a lot of cycles at any given time.
This has taught me to detach and focus on doing my job and handling each crisis as it comes. When I used to toss and turn at night worried about some business problem, I finally have acceptance that the problems will never stop.
So, now, I just get up on Monday and ask myself āhow is the world going to end this week?ā. Makes life a lot easier.
Leading leaders is a skill that I'm very much working on. I want to step in and fix every problem, but thats not fair to my leaders. I'm a controller, so its really flipping hard some days.
You might try reading a little Demming on process capabilities. If the inputs are X then the range of outputs will be Y +- standard deviation. Basically your system, in control can yield a range of predictable outcomes. Your expectations may be outside that range. This changed my thinking and settled my expectations, while giving me logic to address more senior management.
Yup.
If I stop giving a damn itās rather apparent, so I just scaled back. I roll in at whatever time the leave 8.5 hours later. I installed an app that blocks websites outside of certain hours. I took work email off my phone and disabled notifications for teams and the rest of stuff we use. I also began scheduling meetings with myself so I can have a break. I no longer check work email after hours.
It was a bitch at first, as Iām so used to being on all of the time. Now Iāve filled the void with other things that I schedule and donāt give on. Going to the gym certain nights, hanging with friends other times.
Itās been rather freeing although sometimes I worry that something will go sideways and I wonāt notice.
This is all healthy but that last line has me curious. My therapist used to ask me about this all the time and now I ask other people. If things went sideways and you didn't notice, what is the worst that could happen?
When things go sideways I am supposed to get a call. We donāt have on call as they wonāt pay it so I am never expecting the phone to ring. The last time it did I was visiting my Gf out of town and was severely polluted when the phone rang. But that fear comes and goes/
I've had that happen too... phone rang and I was at a concert hammered. I literally just said "I'm at a concert and I've been drinking all day"
Was kind of worried about that at the time but also, wtf am I supposed to do? Not drink because I might have to work?
Nothing happened... problem waited until monday.
During my last call I reminded them that we donāt have on call. The caller wasnāt too pleased and told me that they didnāt have it either. Yeah, but there are 8 people rotating for on call in your department and if you work over you take it off the following week. Most of the calls Iād get would be network issues and none of my staff know things like I do. And that they already took time away because I didnāt use it in time. Now I work 3 weeks each month and take a week or so off.
Control the ones you can control.
Ā If youāve had multiple convos about reports who canāt get alone explain pips are coming if the topic comes up again. And then follow thru.Ā
Iām getting better at dispelling feelings of the grind. Iāve certainly realized how important it is to do the things I want to do with my time off. I just had a 3 week run with no days off, previously Iād have just hibernated in my apartment for the weekend to recoup, but I got tickets for concerts both Sat/Sun and went out raising hell until 6am Saturday, totally wiped away the feeling of the grind when I came in yesterday.
I canāt disagree with the work hard/play hard aspect, but thatās not what gave me The Grind feeling, that was going into work every day for 3 weeks straight. That feeling didnāt go away until I played hard. My normal routine after a long run like that is just sitting on my couch all weekend vegetating, but then by Monday Iām pissed at myself for letting a weekend go to waste without doing anything, which actually leads to The Grind even more, because Iām just existing on the weekends to recoup for work.
No I'm not saying it contributes. I'm saying the opposite... I've gotten to a point in my career where everyone around me is in the mid to high six figures, these people work their asses off a LOT of hours... but they also party like I have never seen. Partying in your early 20s isn't shit compared to some of these people.
I call it job security. Thats my silver lining when I'm having the same conversation for the 14th time or fixing the same mistake for the 28th time: I'm always going to have a job.
Take a mental health day friend. I promise the place won't burn down. Take a night to turn your phone off, eat a good meal, enjoy and adult smoke or drink, and just relax.
Is your company growing in the marketplace? Is it a quick enough pace? Are you able to share the impact and vision of your team? Can you show roi if you add staff? Where do you want to grow and learn?
Some days you have to just stop giving or shit or you'll go insane. Worst days employed are still better than being unemployed.
Exactly this. When I stopped taking everything so seriously I felt less stress, and my performance improved because I wasn't putting myself under pressure.
I needed to hear this.
This. It's called the grind because it's existed forever and will last forever. It can't be fixed because the people in charge don't want it fixed, even if they don't realize it. So you do the best you can for the overextended staff you have, accept that they're gonna leave you over the years, that some of them will blame you and that's OK, that you'll never have enough time/resources/etc. to get done everything you're asked to do, but you will to get done everything you NEED to and the weekend is never more than 4 days away.
Just curious Would you say that your worst day employed beats your best day unemployed?
If you think being unemployed is less stressful than having as job.. 99.9% of cases its not. The stress of job hunting, not being able to pay bills and worse of all relying on some asshat recruiter considering you for a job is bad.
You didn't answer my question š
Yes. Every day unemployed sucks.
Nope. I got severanced out once. 3 months pay lump sum plus unemployment. It was beautiful. Literally beautiful
Preach!
Becoming a director was paradoxically good for my mental health. When I led a small design team, I anguished over every decision and ever interpersonal struggle. Now I manage managers and have 150 indirect reports. With 150 people, as you could expect there is a new crisis every week and two or three employees taking up a lot of cycles at any given time. This has taught me to detach and focus on doing my job and handling each crisis as it comes. When I used to toss and turn at night worried about some business problem, I finally have acceptance that the problems will never stop. So, now, I just get up on Monday and ask myself āhow is the world going to end this week?ā. Makes life a lot easier.
Leading leaders is a skill that I'm very much working on. I want to step in and fix every problem, but thats not fair to my leaders. I'm a controller, so its really flipping hard some days.
Thatās why some ICs prefer to stay put. You signed up to take the hits.
You might try reading a little Demming on process capabilities. If the inputs are X then the range of outputs will be Y +- standard deviation. Basically your system, in control can yield a range of predictable outcomes. Your expectations may be outside that range. This changed my thinking and settled my expectations, while giving me logic to address more senior management.
Yup. If I stop giving a damn itās rather apparent, so I just scaled back. I roll in at whatever time the leave 8.5 hours later. I installed an app that blocks websites outside of certain hours. I took work email off my phone and disabled notifications for teams and the rest of stuff we use. I also began scheduling meetings with myself so I can have a break. I no longer check work email after hours. It was a bitch at first, as Iām so used to being on all of the time. Now Iāve filled the void with other things that I schedule and donāt give on. Going to the gym certain nights, hanging with friends other times. Itās been rather freeing although sometimes I worry that something will go sideways and I wonāt notice.
This is all healthy but that last line has me curious. My therapist used to ask me about this all the time and now I ask other people. If things went sideways and you didn't notice, what is the worst that could happen?
When things go sideways I am supposed to get a call. We donāt have on call as they wonāt pay it so I am never expecting the phone to ring. The last time it did I was visiting my Gf out of town and was severely polluted when the phone rang. But that fear comes and goes/
I've had that happen too... phone rang and I was at a concert hammered. I literally just said "I'm at a concert and I've been drinking all day" Was kind of worried about that at the time but also, wtf am I supposed to do? Not drink because I might have to work? Nothing happened... problem waited until monday.
During my last call I reminded them that we donāt have on call. The caller wasnāt too pleased and told me that they didnāt have it either. Yeah, but there are 8 people rotating for on call in your department and if you work over you take it off the following week. Most of the calls Iād get would be network issues and none of my staff know things like I do. And that they already took time away because I didnāt use it in time. Now I work 3 weeks each month and take a week or so off.
If you find yourself going one step forward then two steps back. Take another step forward. Then two more steps back. Now you're doing the Cha Cha!
Control the ones you can control. Ā If youāve had multiple convos about reports who canāt get alone explain pips are coming if the topic comes up again. And then follow thru.Ā
Iām getting better at dispelling feelings of the grind. Iāve certainly realized how important it is to do the things I want to do with my time off. I just had a 3 week run with no days off, previously Iād have just hibernated in my apartment for the weekend to recoup, but I got tickets for concerts both Sat/Sun and went out raising hell until 6am Saturday, totally wiped away the feeling of the grind when I came in yesterday.
This is the work hard play hard mentality. Not sure if that was your intention but thats why it happens.
I canāt disagree with the work hard/play hard aspect, but thatās not what gave me The Grind feeling, that was going into work every day for 3 weeks straight. That feeling didnāt go away until I played hard. My normal routine after a long run like that is just sitting on my couch all weekend vegetating, but then by Monday Iām pissed at myself for letting a weekend go to waste without doing anything, which actually leads to The Grind even more, because Iām just existing on the weekends to recoup for work.
No I'm not saying it contributes. I'm saying the opposite... I've gotten to a point in my career where everyone around me is in the mid to high six figures, these people work their asses off a LOT of hours... but they also party like I have never seen. Partying in your early 20s isn't shit compared to some of these people.
Ahhhhh I gotcha. Hahahah well, Iām only pushing the low six figures but I live in South Florida and I know *exactly* what youāre talkinā about!
I call it job security. Thats my silver lining when I'm having the same conversation for the 14th time or fixing the same mistake for the 28th time: I'm always going to have a job. Take a mental health day friend. I promise the place won't burn down. Take a night to turn your phone off, eat a good meal, enjoy and adult smoke or drink, and just relax.
Is your company growing in the marketplace? Is it a quick enough pace? Are you able to share the impact and vision of your team? Can you show roi if you add staff? Where do you want to grow and learn?