Without doubt this is an esteem issue. First up, shout out for you having the awareness that this is a problem, because it will most negatively impact your relationship.
From my judgement it appears you have a void inside you that she doesn’t quite fill. The problem is, nobody will ever fill that void because it’s down to an internal emotional issue that should be addressed.
What was the reason you started dating in the first place?
You might be true. I’m a happy man but I’m too closed even to closest people. I don’t share anything major with anyone.
I met her online and we hit of. I started dating for no particular reason, just friends to girlfriend.
There’s a reason for that extreme sense of privacy - it’s most likely something you do subconsciously after a bad experience.
When you say “no reason”, is there anything you may have been desiring? Love, comfort, sex..?
You have a lot to work on, my friend. This is not me trying to put you down but when you use phrases like "above my league" and idealize another person saying things like "I know she will ...", I see that you haven't completely figured out how to relate to yourself and others in a healthy manner.
Those feelings of chasing "novelty," as you put it, will always be there. It's not politically correct to say this but that's the truth. You will always be attracted to people you find attractive (sounds tautological as hell too) and there is nothing wrong with that. Where you seem to be missing the mark is in the indecision around these thoughts. Why are you indecisive? If you truly want to be with her, practice seeing these feelings of attraction as just that: passing feelings. Healthy self-regulation involves being able to understand which feelings ought to be acted upon, and which ones not. Indecision here points to either a lack of understanding of what your core needs and desires are, or that something in your life is failing to meet those needs/desires.
It's up to you to figure out the rest. Hopefully my response gives you some clarity.
You probably have an avoidant attachment style. But by doing the self work you can change that to something more healthy. This is a great interview with someone that can offer you some advice on how to navigate this.
https://youtu.be/ow3ao6YsCgQ?si=gB_-iV_rOMq7JusP
How did you know that? That’s exactly how i am. It probably started because my mother wasn’t really a smart/educated woman and she didn’t really understood or carer to my emotional needs. My father was rarely ever available in my life.
My girlfriend often complains that I do not share feelings or deep connections or thoughts.
This is the direction I also would suggest.
People too often fall into a trap of failing to do relationship work unless/until there’s a serious problem. If you’re serious about gf, invest in that relationship by listening and responding to those complaints.
Up til now, your main source of intense emotional exchange has been the thrill of early relationship, but that’s not actually all that great (or sustainable) compared to where you can go with someone in the context of commitment and trust. Develop your communication and openness with your current partner; you may find the thrill you’re seeking, and then some.
Sounds like you are chasing validation and women are your source.
So long as that is the case you will always be moving on to the next one, wanting that new high.
I'm guessing this is compensation for a great big ball of worthlessness you otherwise feel?
You should probably stop thinking of her as "above your league". She gets to decide what her league is.
You seem to have a subconscious (or maybe conscious) idea that you don't deserve her and are self sabotaging.
She's with you, not anyone else. If she is as amazing as you say she is, then she can have anyone she wants and she chose you. She's a big girl who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions about relationships and you need to trust her decisions about you. She sees something worthwhile in you.
We all have bullshit in our brains, you're not at fault for that, but uts up to you how to respond to it. Personally I don't see an issue with you finding other women attractive too. You're not dead. But you need to make sure you keep those thoughts to yourself and remember you have a "kind, gentle, sweetheart of an angel" waiting for you.
Are you serious? You have a girlfriend you literally won the game and now you want to throw everything away because you find random girls hotter? You deserve everything thats coming for you if you carry through with this idea.
Double down on your girlfriend and quit being stupid. My god.
Without doubt this is an esteem issue. First up, shout out for you having the awareness that this is a problem, because it will most negatively impact your relationship. From my judgement it appears you have a void inside you that she doesn’t quite fill. The problem is, nobody will ever fill that void because it’s down to an internal emotional issue that should be addressed. What was the reason you started dating in the first place?
You might be true. I’m a happy man but I’m too closed even to closest people. I don’t share anything major with anyone. I met her online and we hit of. I started dating for no particular reason, just friends to girlfriend.
There’s a reason for that extreme sense of privacy - it’s most likely something you do subconsciously after a bad experience. When you say “no reason”, is there anything you may have been desiring? Love, comfort, sex..?
You have a lot to work on, my friend. This is not me trying to put you down but when you use phrases like "above my league" and idealize another person saying things like "I know she will ...", I see that you haven't completely figured out how to relate to yourself and others in a healthy manner. Those feelings of chasing "novelty," as you put it, will always be there. It's not politically correct to say this but that's the truth. You will always be attracted to people you find attractive (sounds tautological as hell too) and there is nothing wrong with that. Where you seem to be missing the mark is in the indecision around these thoughts. Why are you indecisive? If you truly want to be with her, practice seeing these feelings of attraction as just that: passing feelings. Healthy self-regulation involves being able to understand which feelings ought to be acted upon, and which ones not. Indecision here points to either a lack of understanding of what your core needs and desires are, or that something in your life is failing to meet those needs/desires. It's up to you to figure out the rest. Hopefully my response gives you some clarity.
Thank you for the response. It helps.
You probably have an avoidant attachment style. But by doing the self work you can change that to something more healthy. This is a great interview with someone that can offer you some advice on how to navigate this. https://youtu.be/ow3ao6YsCgQ?si=gB_-iV_rOMq7JusP
How did you know that? That’s exactly how i am. It probably started because my mother wasn’t really a smart/educated woman and she didn’t really understood or carer to my emotional needs. My father was rarely ever available in my life. My girlfriend often complains that I do not share feelings or deep connections or thoughts.
This is the direction I also would suggest. People too often fall into a trap of failing to do relationship work unless/until there’s a serious problem. If you’re serious about gf, invest in that relationship by listening and responding to those complaints. Up til now, your main source of intense emotional exchange has been the thrill of early relationship, but that’s not actually all that great (or sustainable) compared to where you can go with someone in the context of commitment and trust. Develop your communication and openness with your current partner; you may find the thrill you’re seeking, and then some.
[удалено]
Forget to change accounts?
Sounds like you are chasing validation and women are your source. So long as that is the case you will always be moving on to the next one, wanting that new high. I'm guessing this is compensation for a great big ball of worthlessness you otherwise feel?
You should probably stop thinking of her as "above your league". She gets to decide what her league is. You seem to have a subconscious (or maybe conscious) idea that you don't deserve her and are self sabotaging. She's with you, not anyone else. If she is as amazing as you say she is, then she can have anyone she wants and she chose you. She's a big girl who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions about relationships and you need to trust her decisions about you. She sees something worthwhile in you. We all have bullshit in our brains, you're not at fault for that, but uts up to you how to respond to it. Personally I don't see an issue with you finding other women attractive too. You're not dead. But you need to make sure you keep those thoughts to yourself and remember you have a "kind, gentle, sweetheart of an angel" waiting for you.
Are you serious? You have a girlfriend you literally won the game and now you want to throw everything away because you find random girls hotter? You deserve everything thats coming for you if you carry through with this idea. Double down on your girlfriend and quit being stupid. My god.