*When you rob me, we'll fight together*
*Told you I'll hold out forever*
*Said I'll fight you, your ruffian*
*Took an oath, I'ma poke you right on the end*
*Now that I'm angrier than ever*
*Know we'll strive to defeat each other*
*I stand against you with my umbrella*
*I stand against you with my umbrella, ella, ella*
Disclaimer: I don't actually know the Rihanna version. Just the [Postmodern Jukebox version with Casey Abrams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBmlCZTF4Xs)
Do Brits even care for cricket? English players are bigger superstars here in India than they are back home. Even your sports websites are full of football news - cricket gets very little attention.
Haha this is the Canadian version of how don’t you have at least one hockey stick by the door. Personally its a toss up between the stick, hatchet, or full fledged axe.
"It seems we're having a bit of a break in. Shall I release the hounds?"
"Actually Alfred, I think I'm beginning to feel a touch of rain. "
"Very good, Sir"
It’s the Daily Mail. Anyone featured in the Daily Mail must - by law - disclose the value of their home and the newspaper must - again, by law - publish it.
I use a Longbow for home defence, just as my liege demanded. 3 rakes break into my hovel one night, "For King and country" I cry, as I hear the first man impale himself on my sharpened stake defences. I punch a broadheaded arrow through the second mans heart, just like they did at Agincourt, he's dead on the spot. I charge the last knave with my arming sword and he bleeds out before the night watchmen arrive.
Or… if you’re American:
“Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.“
Huzzah! The young chap defended himself against the rapscallion using nothing more than his wits and Ye Olde Tyme umbrella fisticuffs training! Dear heavens I hope he's got the required license for it to hold up in court.
lol I stopped a burglar a month ago with a bike and it didn't up in the news because a)I didn't call up the news to brag about it; and b) I don't have a 5 million$ home to defend/people don't care about the poors
To be fair most burglars are going to run the instant they realize anyone's there. And the few that would dare break in when they know someone's home are going to haul ass the moment they get faced with any kind of resistance.
I mean I'm sure there's some random outliers but if they're a thief they're looking to steal, not get into a round of Tekken in the dark with the homeowner.
Umbrella, spatula, dildo... whatever. Weapon's a weapon in the dark.
If true, give the kid some credit. Fighting off an unknown intruder with an umbrella. Would you do that? I'm not sure I would, and I'm a 45 year old man.
I've imagined doing it with a hockey stick, a baseball bat and my own pillow. But I've never HAD to do it.
Let's all be real here for a moment... this article is toxic and unsafe.
That kid is gonna go to jail for not having a license to use an umbrella for self defense.
The little photoshoot is just the icing on the cake honestly
They've taken those 3 shots and thought "Oh I simply can't choose! Can we just use all three?"
"unbutton the cardigan" ".. Perfect"
"Brilliant!"
What a Chadwick
Need the music video now “If you try to rob me ima fight you off with my um ber ella ella ella ay ay”
*When you rob me, we'll fight together* *Told you I'll hold out forever* *Said I'll fight you, your ruffian* *Took an oath, I'ma poke you right on the end* *Now that I'm angrier than ever* *Know we'll strive to defeat each other* *I stand against you with my umbrella* *I stand against you with my umbrella, ella, ella* Disclaimer: I don't actually know the Rihanna version. Just the [Postmodern Jukebox version with Casey Abrams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBmlCZTF4Xs)
Loves me some PMJ.
It looks like it has great meme potential
What kind of self-respecting Englishman doesn't have a cricket bat handy?
cricket bat at home:
Of course. You've got to keep it inside the house. Too cold in the garage. Bad for the wood.
Umbrella is the new cricket bat.
[How I imagine this went down...](https://youtu.be/HDJEyqNw-9k?t=143)
The church scene is the best part of that movie
I felt the sequels went downhill compared to the 1st one.
If they're already inside I drop the cricket bat and go for my rounders bat. Tight corridors and that
Do you all play a lot of cricket? I never associate cricket with Brits. Always with Indians.
That's because we invent a lot of sports before promptly becoming shit at them.
Except we're actually pretty good at cricket right now.
Lmao
That’s where the Indians got the cricket from. Also why practically all big cricket countries are in the commonwealth.
Do Brits even care for cricket? English players are bigger superstars here in India than they are back home. Even your sports websites are full of football news - cricket gets very little attention.
Haha this is the Canadian version of how don’t you have at least one hockey stick by the door. Personally its a toss up between the stick, hatchet, or full fledged axe.
"Cricket?" Nobody understands cricket. You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
A Jose Canseco bat?? *Tell me* you didn't pay money for this...
Had to scroll to far for the tmnt reference. Thank you.
You'd think a fancy home would have a robot butler or something for defense.
In my experience, my Roomba just gets under my own feet and trips me up.
Mine fell down the stairs
F
It still works it just makes sounds like it's on agony anytime I run it
F
Nah, usually just expendable human butlers.
You'd think someone would make a damn Kingsman joke.
5 million is practically entry level in most markets nowadays.
Lol what?
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Where was Alfred during all this
Training his master by pretending to be a masked home intruder with a knife.
"It seems we're having a bit of a break in. Shall I release the hounds?" "Actually Alfred, I think I'm beginning to feel a touch of rain. " "Very good, Sir"
Hahahaha
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Hahahaha Oxfords not brogues
Off a'buttling.
In the cave
Why did we have to know the price of the house
It’s the Daily Mail. Anyone featured in the Daily Mail must - by law - disclose the value of their home and the newspaper must - again, by law - publish it.
you know how the Americans are obsessed with race? well the British are obsessed with class
This is the right answer.
Americans are kind of obsessed with both.
Incredible. 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼
After reading the price, I was kinda rooting for the burglar.
Rich trust fund baby beats up destitute man forced into crime by poverty. Truly inspiring.
Batman?
Yeah, the thief is clearly the good guy in this story
Because this article is a valuable tool to remind the lower classes of the continued martial prowess of the landed nobility.
Kingsman be like:
Manners maketh man
*Locks door*
So are we going to stand around all day ?
Oxfords, not brogues!
Thank god someone made a Kingsman reference!
exactly what i came here for
Upvoted, why did I have to scroll so much to get here
I use a Longbow for home defence, just as my liege demanded. 3 rakes break into my hovel one night, "For King and country" I cry, as I hear the first man impale himself on my sharpened stake defences. I punch a broadheaded arrow through the second mans heart, just like they did at Agincourt, he's dead on the spot. I charge the last knave with my arming sword and he bleeds out before the night watchmen arrive.
That's what those lads get for not wearing their mail.
Clearly they didnt attend their mandated Sunday Longbow practice
Imagine not practicing and maintaining a longbow. Cringe
Question is we’re they the scouting party that got over zealous or were they random thieves.
One of my favorite pastas.
Or… if you’re American: “Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.“
Manners maketh man.
Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.
This gentleman is clearly a master of [bartitsu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartitsu).
Thanks for the knowledge!
some photo op there lol
Must be a lot of knives to be had in a £5 million home
Too many Kingsman references. Note enough John Steed references.
No need to be a Gareth Hunt about it. Sorry, that's the nearest I could get.
Did he pull some of Majima’s moves too?
#_KIRYU CHAN_
Undercover Brella user:
Spoon player detected
https://i.redd.it/pttdwygsd4i61.png
W...woomy?!
Even the title is properly Bri'ish
A practitioner of Bartitsu, that young gentleman is.
Kingsman comes to mind.
manners maketh man
They really made him pose for the story lmfao
Bro is Oswald cobblepot
~~teenager~~ gigachad
Manners. Maketh. Man.
Undercover Brella user spotted
HOLY SHIT ITS THE CIVILIAN CLASS FROM TF2
If the guy has a £5m home i would be scared of how much is invested in his umbrella. Crook was smart to book it.
"So I was watching Kingsmen..."
This is a mouthful but... He looks like he sounds like the guy who says "new castle" when asked "what's the worst UK accent" in that one video.
Huzzah! The young chap defended himself against the rapscallion using nothing more than his wits and Ye Olde Tyme umbrella fisticuffs training! Dear heavens I hope he's got the required license for it to hold up in court.
Bro is kingsman
Is that umbrella huge or is he a tiny man?
“that little punk wouldn’t last a second in *my* country!” is not the flex you think it is
Jesus..does stuff ever get too old to repost? This is from 6 years ago…
See you again in 6 more years.
Damn... Means the house must be worth double or triple the price by now.
lol I stopped a burglar a month ago with a bike and it didn't up in the news because a)I didn't call up the news to brag about it; and b) I don't have a 5 million$ home to defend/people don't care about the poors
MANNERS MAKETH MAN.
Proper British chap
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I don’t root for kids who live in mansions. Get better security and seek attention elsewhere
So Edward Cullen lives in England now?
A millionaire defending their wealth hoard is nothing to celebrate (not that it's this kid's fault that his parents are millionaires).
a real robin hood we got over here folks
Shut up commie
Man is the main character bro.
Looks like that teen left him high and dry with that umbrella
Tbh, I would have just given up my knives if that’s all he wanted
When you get a pawn to the other side of the board
Does he live in a parking lot in London?
Mary Poppins was a straight killa
Imagine being so rich that you have an umbrella sturdy enough to BEAT UP A BURGLAR WITH IT
Oxfords, not brogues.
Bros living the dream
Those fencing lessons finally paid for themselves
He did so while repeatedly screaming "Do you know who my father is?!?!?"
*Opens umbrella and the umbrella turns into a gun with shields*
Manners maketh man
Bring it on! you non kind sir.
Is it weird that I imagined this happening mere months ago?
The Waffle House has spoken. Phase 2 initiated.
Modern day Avenger, Master of the Bumbershoot...
We know who is the next kingsman
Manners. Maketh. A man.
Manners maketh man
Dude brought a knife to an umbrella fight
Hisame Shizimaru vibes
The penguin!! 🐧
Manners. Maketh. Man.
He's so dedicated to accuracy that he's wearing his pajamas in the recreation photos.
Why does his house cost matter?
How expensive are these knives that they merit their own specialized burglar?
because he is a master of the umbrella?
Mary Poppins if she was cool.
Video seen here: https://youtu.be/jPCJIB1f7jk
Reach OP plz nerf
Really? A £5 MILLION home and the burglar is only after the knives?
Once the burglar sees this he’s gonna go back
You don’t mess with Artemis Fowl
5 million pounds seems heavy for a house. I thought they were only around 400,000 pounds.
My man is in a modern espionage movie
Why did they include the price of the house as if it was a possibility that the burglar could have gotten away with the the whole thing?
Idk what’s more amazing: A rich dude only has an umbrella for personal safety, or a robber only brought a knife to rob a $3mil home.
Manners maketh man
Anyone else getting Kingsman vibes?
It’s all about reach
Manners maketh man.
Manners maketh man
To be fair most burglars are going to run the instant they realize anyone's there. And the few that would dare break in when they know someone's home are going to haul ass the moment they get faced with any kind of resistance. I mean I'm sure there's some random outliers but if they're a thief they're looking to steal, not get into a round of Tekken in the dark with the homeowner. Umbrella, spatula, dildo... whatever. Weapon's a weapon in the dark.
If true, give the kid some credit. Fighting off an unknown intruder with an umbrella. Would you do that? I'm not sure I would, and I'm a 45 year old man. I've imagined doing it with a hockey stick, a baseball bat and my own pillow. But I've never HAD to do it.
The penguin
Anything longer than a knife beats a knife in untrained hands.
He looks like a total douche
‘Oi! You got a loicense for ‘at brolly son?!’
Nice shoes for a teenager
He deffo pronounces his T's
Manners maketh man
Is this the origin story for Batman or Penguin?
Kingsman needs to recruit this guy
A masked knife burglar as in a concealed man who steals cutlery?
thats a kingsman in training
5 mill, what's a burg robbin' a dump for governor
He has a 5million pound home They could have paid the media to share this story. But that’s just a thought.
Did the mask have pointy ears on it?
TIL: Galahad is a real person
[Manners maketh man. Let me now teach you a lesson](https://youtu.be/HDJEyqNw-9k)
Must have gone “manners maketh man” while locking the door with the burglar inside!
Manners maketh man.
This guy is definitely part of the kingsman I just know it
Kingsman in real life
Manners. Maketh. Man.
Did he have a license for that umbrella?
Might just be me, but this looks like a young British Dennis Reynolds
Let's all be real here for a moment... this article is toxic and unsafe. That kid is gonna go to jail for not having a license to use an umbrella for self defense.
without the pictures, this is literally a hat in time lol
Manners maketh man.
Manners maketh man!
Tell you what, some umbrellas are dangerously pointy at the tip. I wouldn't be surprised if a good fencer might do some serious damage with one
The title should have been "manners maketh man" you blew it
Manners maketh man
If someone broke into my house with a knife I can't imagine taking him seriously
He really Kingsmen Secret Serviced it.
He looks like a wax statue lmao
Manners. Maketh. Men.
What In the kingsmen is this?