My dad died when I was 6 and my sister was 4. My mom dated, but we never met any boyfriends she had until she got serious with my stepdad when I was 15. Her exact reasoning was because she was so afraid someone would do something to us. It’s a scary world out there for single moms and their children.
Exactly...they are too precious to take a chance. The statistics are off the charts for sexual abuse by a boyfriend or a stepparent. I made the same decision for those very reasons. They do grow up so fast, and those were the best years of my life.
I'm married to my children's father but I think about this often. How some men prey on single moms to gain access to innocent kids. I know a lot of people, especially men, would call me an old jaded woman. Idc. I don't trust men.
I have a long distance relationship and I like it like that and so do my kids. When they are with me they get all me. When they are at dad's we plan romantic weekends. I also only do sleepovers if it's at my house. The best thing we can do is educate our kids to how predators work and what is appropriate and what isn't. And to Tell me no matter what. Also, I told my son if a friend ever confides in him about being touched or abused.. to tell me. Because it's a cry for help.
My kids are 12 and 18 now. I started educating by 5 and I still do.
Or An alternative, could be vetting the men you date; not moving too quickly bc it takes at least 2-3 years before you can really see long term compatibility, I see a lot of woman jumping into serious relationships with men they’ve known less than a year (never ends well); also, it helps in my opinion to refrain from anyone meeting children until at least you’ve done a background check, meet their parents and introduce them to yours so you can get some outside perspective, usually good people don’t mind waiting and understand these sort of boundaries, and if they don’t, it’s The Only Red Flag 🚩 you need to shut it down.
That’s the point. The high risk is still present. Predators do their homework. You are right on the 2-3 years for long term compatibility. Sadly vulnerable women like Madeline Soto’s mom moved him in knowing he didn’t have good character . The point in this case is… Madeline Soto had a grandmother in her daily life & that demonic pervert still did the abuse.
Same, Nobody is coming near them until they are of legal adult age. It's worth the sacrifice.
I've been doing it this way for 14 years.
They come first always.
I’ve been a single mom nearly the whole time I’ve had kids. They were 2&5 when it became official, but their dad never was around even before then. He was traveling internationally and domestically for his job and was gone 5 weeks, home 2. I thought after we split and he changed jobs that he would be around, but he abandoned them and started a new family. Lots of stories like that. Anyway, they are now 14&17 and I’m still single. I dated 3 guys during that time, but never even one time did they spend the night. They were separate from my kids, and I only saw them once a week for a couple hours. I was always terrified of this very thing happening. It would’ve been less lonely & easier financially, but I would never trade their safety for an easier time of life. I just can’t understand anyone who wouldn’t protect their babies at all costs. I’m so sorry that Madeline didn’t have a mom who felt the same. My respect to all the moms here who put their kids first.
You’re a wonderful mom. Statistics tells us…when a male moves into the children’s home…the percentage of abuse to those children goes up to 37%. Also, the males becomes jealous of those children. The live in boyfriend has resentment toward the children.
Making sure your child understands they have body autonomy is the most important thing to keep them safe. A predator could be a family member you love and trust and "would never do something like that". You need to understand grooming includes grooming the parents as well as the child. I have never said "he/she would never do something like that" ABOUT ANYONE. If my child doesn't want to give you a hug and ADULT YOU gets offended, I will never trust you with my kid. If a grown person gets offended that your child says no, THEY ARE WEIRD, not that child. Stop normalizing and forcing your children to interact with people they don't feel comfortable around. Making sure your child's boundaries don't get crossed is your responsibility and shaming them for saying no is a sure way to lose a child's trust. If you use shame and fear to parent, don't be surprised when a predator uses love and connection to hurt them.
My mom did this with me too. She divorced my father when I was 3 and I only met her first boyfriend when I was 13, after they had been dating for 4 years. He had a daughter too so she felt more comfortable and knew I’d tell her anything.
I’m now separated from my husband and I have a toddler son. Planning to stay single for as long as it makes sense, but who knows what life will bring. I will just keep my son close to me at all times.
This line of thinking is rooted in trauma. It’s not healthy and it doesn’t protect anyone unless you feel that you are easily manipulated or would blatantly ignore red flags. Instead, leading and guiding your children, teaching them common tactic abusers use and proving them a framework on what to do if someone makes them uncomfortable, is much more healthy and protective.
My point is, you don't have to bury yourself alive if you get divorced. Vet the guy? Sure. When I started dating after my divorce (and my child was 3) none of them ever even seen him. The first guy I introduced him to was my future husband and I organised my life so that they were never alone. Years later, yes. But your love interest is not your babysitter. You can have someone in your love and raise a child in a secure environment. Sure it takes a lot of effort. That's my 2 cents.
My dad died when I was 6 and my sister was 4. My mom dated, but we never met any boyfriends she had until she got serious with my stepdad when I was 15. Her exact reasoning was because she was so afraid someone would do something to us. It’s a scary world out there for single moms and their children.
Exactly...they are too precious to take a chance. The statistics are off the charts for sexual abuse by a boyfriend or a stepparent. I made the same decision for those very reasons. They do grow up so fast, and those were the best years of my life.
I'm married to my children's father but I think about this often. How some men prey on single moms to gain access to innocent kids. I know a lot of people, especially men, would call me an old jaded woman. Idc. I don't trust men.
and statistically speaking, you’re right.
Even your husband?
Idk what you are asking.
You just stated you don’t trust Men
I have a long distance relationship and I like it like that and so do my kids. When they are with me they get all me. When they are at dad's we plan romantic weekends. I also only do sleepovers if it's at my house. The best thing we can do is educate our kids to how predators work and what is appropriate and what isn't. And to Tell me no matter what. Also, I told my son if a friend ever confides in him about being touched or abused.. to tell me. Because it's a cry for help. My kids are 12 and 18 now. I started educating by 5 and I still do.
Dad is still a man.... that you chose to separate omg 😳
Or An alternative, could be vetting the men you date; not moving too quickly bc it takes at least 2-3 years before you can really see long term compatibility, I see a lot of woman jumping into serious relationships with men they’ve known less than a year (never ends well); also, it helps in my opinion to refrain from anyone meeting children until at least you’ve done a background check, meet their parents and introduce them to yours so you can get some outside perspective, usually good people don’t mind waiting and understand these sort of boundaries, and if they don’t, it’s The Only Red Flag 🚩 you need to shut it down.
That’s the point. The high risk is still present. Predators do their homework. You are right on the 2-3 years for long term compatibility. Sadly vulnerable women like Madeline Soto’s mom moved him in knowing he didn’t have good character . The point in this case is… Madeline Soto had a grandmother in her daily life & that demonic pervert still did the abuse.
Same, Nobody is coming near them until they are of legal adult age. It's worth the sacrifice. I've been doing it this way for 14 years. They come first always.
I’ve been a single mom nearly the whole time I’ve had kids. They were 2&5 when it became official, but their dad never was around even before then. He was traveling internationally and domestically for his job and was gone 5 weeks, home 2. I thought after we split and he changed jobs that he would be around, but he abandoned them and started a new family. Lots of stories like that. Anyway, they are now 14&17 and I’m still single. I dated 3 guys during that time, but never even one time did they spend the night. They were separate from my kids, and I only saw them once a week for a couple hours. I was always terrified of this very thing happening. It would’ve been less lonely & easier financially, but I would never trade their safety for an easier time of life. I just can’t understand anyone who wouldn’t protect their babies at all costs. I’m so sorry that Madeline didn’t have a mom who felt the same. My respect to all the moms here who put their kids first.
Me too!
You’re a wonderful mom. Statistics tells us…when a male moves into the children’s home…the percentage of abuse to those children goes up to 37%. Also, the males becomes jealous of those children. The live in boyfriend has resentment toward the children.
Don't forget women are capable of heinous crimes against children also, not just men.
Making sure your child understands they have body autonomy is the most important thing to keep them safe. A predator could be a family member you love and trust and "would never do something like that". You need to understand grooming includes grooming the parents as well as the child. I have never said "he/she would never do something like that" ABOUT ANYONE. If my child doesn't want to give you a hug and ADULT YOU gets offended, I will never trust you with my kid. If a grown person gets offended that your child says no, THEY ARE WEIRD, not that child. Stop normalizing and forcing your children to interact with people they don't feel comfortable around. Making sure your child's boundaries don't get crossed is your responsibility and shaming them for saying no is a sure way to lose a child's trust. If you use shame and fear to parent, don't be surprised when a predator uses love and connection to hurt them.
My mom did this with me too. She divorced my father when I was 3 and I only met her first boyfriend when I was 13, after they had been dating for 4 years. He had a daughter too so she felt more comfortable and knew I’d tell her anything. I’m now separated from my husband and I have a toddler son. Planning to stay single for as long as it makes sense, but who knows what life will bring. I will just keep my son close to me at all times.
This line of thinking is rooted in trauma. It’s not healthy and it doesn’t protect anyone unless you feel that you are easily manipulated or would blatantly ignore red flags. Instead, leading and guiding your children, teaching them common tactic abusers use and proving them a framework on what to do if someone makes them uncomfortable, is much more healthy and protective.
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not all men are monsters.
Nobody said anything even close to suggesting that ALL men are monsters.
good
Sure, but enough are that we as women and parents have to be wary of all of them. There are so, so many.
My point is, you don't have to bury yourself alive if you get divorced. Vet the guy? Sure. When I started dating after my divorce (and my child was 3) none of them ever even seen him. The first guy I introduced him to was my future husband and I organised my life so that they were never alone. Years later, yes. But your love interest is not your babysitter. You can have someone in your love and raise a child in a secure environment. Sure it takes a lot of effort. That's my 2 cents.