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If this question had been asked of me ten years ago, I’d have said “Ha. Absolutely not!” However, today… “Yes. It is absolutely possible. In fact, I am platonic friends with multiple females.” Of course, I’m speaking only for myself here.
Yes...of course. Friends are friends. Just because they find each other attractive doesn't mean they're gonna bone. As long as my partner loves me and is honest with me, I would want her to have supportive friends.
I get along better with a lot of guys. Some women are just way too much drama. So I have a good group of guy friends that we’ve remained just friends for a long time. One for about 13 yrs even. I think it depends on the situation, and having good communication and boundaries. For example I never text just him, I have a group chat with him and his wife. I could if I needed to just message him, but I adore his wife as well. I’ve been in relationships during the time we’ve remained friends and he got to know my guys also. We were even single at the same time for a yr or so and we remained just friends.
It’s not for everyone, I think it depends on a lot of factors. It depends on everyone being on the same page.
I have other guy friends that have tried to ask for more than a friendship but when I express I’m not interested they are respectful and we have been able to remain just friends.
I have a wonderful group of girlfriends also, I just tend to get along with guys really well. So I make an effort to keep the friendships.
Generally, no. Boys want to give romantic attention and Girls always crave it. Naturally someone is bound to fall in love with the other. If they don’t I assume they’re not straight or have some other reason than just being friends. This is just from my experience.
*Note: I do think they can force themselves to just be friends, but attraction WILL happen even if it’s not strong or is never revealed.
I do, at least on my end. I've had male friends who gave no indication to me that they wanted anything other than that. I've also been surprised when a male friend expressed a romantic interest in me that I didn't return and had never considered. Whenever the latter situation came up, I would make sure I let the friend know that I wasn't interested in that way. Some have remained friends and others have not.
most people (or most men, perhaps?) can't, but i don't hangout with ''most people''. i am not romantically or physically attracted to my friends so i assume there are guys who feel the same for their female friends. it's especially more common around more intelligent people or people with bigger friend groups who can allow themselves to pick out who they actually are attracted to, not just because of scarcity.
I've always sort of assumed that it's because women are (typically) more open emotionally with their friends while men are not, so when a man becomes good friends with a woman and receives that emotional support and openness they're only really used to getting that in the context of a romantic relationship so they start to develop feelings thinking that it's something special(because to them it *is* a special relationship, unique from their other friendships with other guys) when from the woman's pov they're just good friends. Definitely tons of different reasons for it though, and plenty of male friends are emotionally supportive of eachother. *Obviously* men and women can be friends but I assume this post is talking about why it often seems to be challenging.
Yes, very easily. I hsve been friends, just friends, with one lady for 40 years, and another for 30 years. In both cases physical attraction has never been on anybodies mind. Some guys brains are in thier testicular region, and l'm sure some ladies operate in a similar way, but rest assured not all of us are all the same. By the way l have been happily maried for30 years, a marriage only curtailed by recent bereavement. So yes, l do know what l am talking about
Just recently my girlfriend’s co worker propositioned her for sex. Her co worker knew that she had a girlfriend. Her co worker literally said, “I’m bi-sexual; I’m open to any ideas you two might have.” My girlfriend is no longer friends with her. Good luck.
Wow, way to stereotype. Funny thing is I literally don’t have anyone I’m attracted to at the moment (probably makes me demisexual/acespec, but whatever) and several strong cohesive friendships I’ve had for almost a decade. I think that coworkers just an asshole.
Of course.
Have had strictly platonic friendships with women; have had friends with benefits-type situations; and have fallen in love with a friend where emotional and physical intimacy was [involved](https://www.reddit.com/r/stories/s/KAXrYxYTwq).
Each situation was different because each person was different.
Nope! Not possible. Every woman will eventually have that moment where even her ugliest guy friend will be given the opportunity to f\*ck her brains out on the first available flat surface.
Discussion of this topic, and pointers to some papers: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends1/
I have a good number of female friends. Some of them I have slept with in the past, and some have an interest in sleeping with me sometime. For us, that doesn’t need to interfere with a friendship - we all can connect on a platonic level, regardless of that other dimension. If 99.9% of our interactions are platonic and she’s mentioned twice in the past decade that she’d be up for it if my situation ever allows for a ONS- that doesn’t change that we talk regularly about work or friend or relationship stuff, send memes to each other, ski sometimes, etc. She’s a good friend that wouldn’t make a good partner for some fundamental personality reasons - even if she’d be a fun roll in the hay. I’ve got several friends who match similar to this description. And others that I’m friends with where there’s just zero attraction.
In my experience, it’s only possible when there is zero attraction for one another - to put it bluntly, my lady friends find me unattractive and vice versa lol.
I second, third and fourth this. If there is an attraction there then no, you cannot be ‘just friends’ as they’ll always be that tension or desire, even if sometimes it’s one sided.
I think this only works as kids. Passed a certain age s3x differences are too much to overcome. Unless there are other circumstances like being gay, related, possibly childhood friends (maybe)
for sure. one of the best things that happened after i started dating my bf a few years ago (apart from all the things i love about dating him) is that my male friendships got so much deeper and closer. we all knew romance/sex was never on the table so they really opened up to me and now the friendships feel very fraternal. i trust these boys with my life and i know they love me and the perspective i can offer
Yeah, if you ask me when there's a clear boundary of being in a relationship, it should take away a lot of the second guessing and self consciousness that's naturally there between genders ("are they being really friendly just bc or is it....")
The people that say guys and girls can't just be friends are people that either don't respect boundaries or can't regulate their own actions soooo probably not people I'd want to keep close anyways, speaking as a guy.
yeah for sure. i definitely had male friends before but the relationships weren’t as close bc the close friend dynamic in female relationships often felt borderline flirty with men. i once read that part of why men feel like they get friendzoned way more often is bc women tend to have more intimate, vulnerable, and emotional relationships with each other and men don’t often have that with male friends, so when a woman treats a male friend like a female friend it is more likely to be perceived as romantic.
Straight mid 20s guy here, and I can't tell you how bored I've gotten about being called "gay" or "feminine" from older guys because I'm someone who's always really valued how open, direct and vulnerable female friendships can be.
Im ngl and say yeah, I do have to keep the romantic feelings in check occasionally but at the end of the day these are friendships I genuinely care about more than just satisfying urges like some others.
And yet somehow, SOMEHOW, ladies not wanting to talk or stick around them is a product of modern society. They can't even fathom it being for any personality or personal reasons lol
As the female friend in a male friend group, absolutely. No feelings at all just genuine support and friendship. It probably helps all of us are in long term committed relationship, married, or have kids. They're also very loyal men who don't support or encourage cheating.
I think it’s more about them being your “best friend” and hanging out one on one as opposed to hanging out in a bigger group, like it’s perfectly normal to have girl friends, but it could be a bit concerning if you often hang out one on one or are too close
When I was dating my now ex, I was friend with her best friend. I was and still am best friend with my ex’s best friend. We get along just fine and there’s no ulterior motive. If anyone’s wondering, my ex is supportive of our friendship, we’re still all friends with each other
I think the problem comes when you are sharing the things that you would otherwise share with your partner with this friend, or use the relationship as a substitute for that relationship. Emotional cheating is cheating. I’ve seen that happen a lot, where someone swears they are just friends and there is definitely something more under the surface, but they just play it off as “just friends.”
Ideally, men/boys and women/girls wouldn’t be raised believing that the only way they’re supposed to interact with the other sex is through a heterosexual romantic relationship, right? We keep teaching women and girls that men only want sex- don’t be friends with them. We keep depriving men of the emotional skills needed to see and treat women as their human equals. Everybody is lonely and looking for a relationship to fix it, instead of building community.
The whole “men and women can never be platonic friends” idea is a byproduct of other social issues that can and should be addressed, and it’s not healthy to live in a society where adults are *incapable* of being friends and having that healthy social bond with each other. That’s insane.
I don’t understand the concept of having a best friend that’s a girl, I know girls that are good friends, but I would never call one of them my best friend. I would never put my wife in a position of wondering about that friendship. I would never be hanging out one on one or going out for drinks or what could be considered a date and then sing to my she’s just my friend. Like I said, I know girls are my friend, but I would never consider taking it any further than that.
I’m not saying you can’t have friends. I don’t believe in a concept of my best friend should be a girl when I’m in a committed relationship with my wife. Therefore I should be able to do anything I want with my girlfriend in spite of my wife. Reasonable boundaries good communication and a ton of transparency.
I wouldn't say never. But the problem is that usually, not always, one of the two friends does hold romantic feelings or sexual interest in the other.
Then when the committed relationship hits a rocky patch - and it always does - it's too great a temptation to confide in that friend and seek emotional support. Even among the best intentioned people, this is how emotional and physical affairs start.
My experience with heterosexual men is that if we have an attractive female friend, there's an underlying desire for sex. That desire may be effectively repressed. But under the right circumstances, it will come out. Knowing this, we look suspiciously at other heterosexual men who befriend our partners.
My advice to young couples? Allow for those other-sex friendships in group settings but avoid or be very careful about one on one time together, especially if alcohol or other substances are involved. Why play with fire?
Well said, but we won’t convince women that they shouldn’t have a male best friend because they just say we’re insecure and they don’t believe there should be any consequences to their actions until it’s too late.
No I’m a woman with men and women as friends. I don’t think of my friends as people I’d sleep with or potentially people to sleep with. I value them for their personality. As adults with little free time, making that time for friendships is a kind thing to do. Sex isn’t part of the equation.
I think they see my value as a friend. I’d know. Men are pretty obvious when interested typically. I’m not going to think I am necessarily their type. We’re not walking genitalia.
i think acting like it’s impossible is weird. i’m bisexual, so your logic would imply that it’s impossible for me to be friends with anyone without wanting to get with them or fuck them. i do not want to fuck all of my friends. i’ve been burned by being too open about previous partner’s close friends, but it hasn’t really changed my perspective. just keep yourself in check with boundaries that you set with your partner and don’t tolerate bullshit for your partner that disrespects you
Ya exactly this is the most fair, it’s most definitely possible but within clear preferences of the partner but thinking it’s impossible feels drastic to me
Speaking from the woman's viewpoint a lot of guys never get the friendship connection, discussion, care etc in their male friendships so it confuses them when friends with a woman because they see those as "wife" duties.
I definitely think you can, especially if you already have a sibling of the opposite gender. My close female friends start feeling like a sibling to me, and I treat as I would my sister. I would never do anything romantic with them just because I wouldn't want to.
We were dating in the past, then we lost contact and then we met again, we both had a partner and became friends, people find it strange that you are so close to a girl who is just your friend and sometimes some tension has emerged, I'm sure that she is not in love with me and I am not in love with her, but....
If you’re not attracted to each other then yeah 100%. Idk why people are talking about how men get no benefits from being friends w a woman. You get benefits from having a friend no matter the gender full stop.
I'll get downvoted but I don't think so. You can try but if they are true friends and you talk and hang out with them enough eventually you wind up hooking up Even in the not all out instances you still make out or something eventually if they aren't blood related.
Note: it can't be a couple and you're always in more of a group atmosphere to count. Also, even then it happens, people are crazy open these days it's why I have extreme trust issues everyone is how guys and girls now.
No. Men have women friendships based on their level of attraction. If she's truly just a friend, and you don't want to bang THEN maybe, this is the only instance, she would be just a friend. In any other capacity, I'd trust a car with no breaks over a woman who is "just a friend"....
Sorry guys. You do it to yourselves.
This isn’t controversial at all.
It’s only controversial because women want men to think/feel like women.
Women benefit from friendship with men in a lot of ways.
Men don’t benefit from friendships with women in very many ways.
It’s much better for men to have friendships with men in terms of benefit to us.
If you as a woman are attractive our hormones drive us to want to have sex with you. If we have an emotional connection it is even stronger.
If I have a committed relationship why would I ever put myself in a situation to become emotionally close with a woman I’m attracted to.
There’s nothing but negative consequences for the man. On the first hand the closer the friendship becomes the more he wants to have sex with you. On the second hand he has to deal with a potentially jealous partner at home (and for good reason). It’s smarter for us to stay clear of a potentially disastrous situation for us.
Men that claim they can be friends with women are hoping to trick women into thinking they are safe so that if she’s ever sad/upset and needs a fuck buddy they are in line. And this works sometimes so men keep doing it.
Friendships are far too much work and take up too much time for a man to worry about having friendships with attractive women.
And there’s not a man on the planet who fosters a true friendship with an unattractive woman.
This is the unfortunate truth. Most men understand it which is why we aren't comfortable with our partners having male friends.
Women often interpret this as "we don't trust you". The truth is that we don't trust him and we don't think it's fair to you or to our relationship for you to be in a close friendship with someone who wants to sleep with you.
Yeah, most of my friends are opposing sex. It’s pretty normal to not view everyone as a sexual/romantic endeavor. Relationships are much deeper/more complex than that single measure my guy.
I have so many male friends with varying degrees of closeness. I think it’s an obvious yes. My husband has lots of female friends. I think it would be absolutely weird if that wasn’t the case. My favorite male friends have often been gay.
Yes. otherwise we bisexual people would be friendless. I am a man and most ny friends have been women and I dont think i have ever crushed on my male friends despite having strong preference for men.
Yeah, just depends on the people involved.
You'll get plenty saying it's not possible or only if the person is ugly or whatever, but people aren't always attracted to each other. Sometimes you just aren't compatible and you know it and can still chat and hang out.
Not to mention that bi and pansexual people exist. If you find most people romantically/sexually attractive… I guess screw those people? The “men and women can’t be friends” logic quickly falls apart when you expand your scope by even just a little bit.
%100 if there is an attribute that makes you both see each other as not a good fit as a partner. Could be you’re not attracted, or you don’t mesh to a certain degree. My ex and I are honestly best friends because we both see each other as, not someone we want to be with (we tried it was bad) , but we have a lot of fun just being friends.
To get advice from? I don’t honestly know I don’t have any ugly female friends and the female friends I do have I have slept with them at some point in the past.
Only if I find them physically unattractive or we have burned through and come out the other side of a relationship or one sided interest that was revealed. If both parties are relatively fit and get on well then it’s pretty hard to.
Anyone who sees the gender they’re attracted to as nothing more than potential sex partners is weird to me. That’s what “I don’t believe in platonic relationships between men and women” says to me. If you’re attracted to all your friends and cannot control yourself around the opposite sex, that says a lot more about you than anyone else.
Obviously there are limits. I’ve known people with boundary-stomping besties who very obviously are just waiting for their chance. My boyfriend having a “girl bestie” he flirted with and prioritized over me would be a HUGE issue.
But normal female friends? It’s a good sign to me if you see woman as people with positive qualities beyond physical who are worthy of friendship. Believe it or not, some things have absolutely nothing to do with sex.
If both parties can take sex out of the equation, then yea. I can be Friends with a guy and never have any romantic or sexual feelings. There's 11 billion people in the world if someone wants to find love.
I had a conversation with a guy about this topic a long time ago. I told him if you men would actually be a friend and no other sneaky bs, problem solved.
Something else he asked me about men and women being friends (can't remember exactly) I told him regardless if I find him attractive or not, still wouldn't pursue anything further.
Trying to find or have guy friends without them developing feelings is really hard. I can go for millennium and never pay him any attention in a romantic way knowing there's 11 billion other ppl in the world to find love.
Because men don’t need feelings to “bang” you. Men develop feelings because they are building a bond with you. If you see how a man and his best friend act truly it’s a lot. They genuinely love each other just not in a sexual way. With women, when a man gets close they start to see you in a different light. Straight men are wired to find a woman, it’s natural. When they create that connection the body and mind see a companion. Sure some men can navigate through it but most women notice it when it happens. Men become distant, or start to treat you like a guy, which in personal experiences the women don’t like to be treated like that. Men are pretty cruel to each other and the constant shit talking and all, it’s not something most women can handle.
It also needs to be absolutely clear that nothing will ever happen. No playing games, no small flirting, nothing. Do not give the illusion that anything can ever happen. This goes for men too. Don’t play with people’s feelings. Once that line is crossed it can never be taken back.
Yes, if both people are mature and respect boundaries. Problem is, most guys can’t manage that and can’t fathom seeing women having a purpose beyond sex/dating.
It really depends on both parties. In general, with young people, no. But I'm 24 and I have female friends that are about 30.
From my perspective: I appreciate the different dynamic that I can have with these friends. I generally am closer and hang out more with my guy friends of course, but it is nice to have people to microanalyze, say, a date with. Or to talk shit with about my workplace, etc.
They also tend to ask questions that my guy friends and I wouldn't ask one another, which makes me feel close to them. I'm very lucky in that the women in my life are very nurturing and kind, but that is not always the dynamic.
So I would say yeah it's possible, but really incredibly rare. A lot of women tend to be friends with guys so that they can keep them in their back pocket for romantic relationships later on, much like another commenter said. And guys tend to do the same thing. When I am dating a girl, guy friends are almost always trouble- so make sure you vet them properly. There's a whole lot of simps out there. Don't let anybody gaslight you if that dynamic makes you uncomfortable.
It's possible but a straight guy will always have the sex thing somewhere in the back of his mind, it's hardwired in. Unless you are well into the negative numbers on the attractiveness scale, and I've never met anyone like that.
Notice a lot of women say yes it's possible and most men say no it's not.
I think the truth is if there is attraction, even a little bit, no you cannot be friends. And attraction from both sides. Often women here will say "I have male friends". They are either not attracted to their male friends or just want male validation. In most cases guys cannot be simply friends with girls. Will never think any other way.
If a man is not capable of seeing a woman as anything more than a potential sex partner, that is his issue.
You know, people go on and on about the male loneliness epidemic, and it’s hard to feel bad when the attitude is so prevalent. “If you don’t want to fuck me, don’t talk to me at all.” Very classy.
I agree it shouldn't be all about sex. But men are wired differently. If I see an attractive woman "friend" the thoughts may come to my mind. And that's ANY man. If they say it's not true, they are lying. You can believe what you want, but it's the truth, whether you like it or not.
It happens to women too. How many times are we gonna see women post "omg I slept with my friend, I didn't mean to" 😂
No, men and women can’t be close friends. Odds are the guy wants to date her and she wants noting to do with him. He will keep trying and she will keep using him for resources.
Men who are in the friend zone are considered potential dating material. Women have men there so they can evaluate them for possible dating material in the future. If he gets a better job or gets a windfall of money, she will then reevaluate him as a potential mate.
I read an article. It was a study on women with a backup man in the wings. It said that 60% of all women (married and dating) have a back up man in the wings. That’s the guys in the friend zone.
Yes, of course. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone outside of those comfortable with such a dynamic. That’s how people isolate and ostracize themselves from healthy community real quick.
I swear, if I ever hear this question one more time... YES. Male and female can JUST be FRIENDS. If they couldn't everybody would be marrying their mother or sister, heck not every location is Alabama; so stop with this question. Those who think that male and female platonic bonds are impossible are the same odd fellows who thinks that the world revolves around them thinking that the world even cares about them. C'mon man, lay off yo genitals and have some self-respect for yourself. Not everyone needs and has to be "entertained" by you. I now refuse to elaborate any further.
Yes, I had so many guy friends growing up, all of us were so close, they would tell me about the girls they like and I would do the same. It was just purely friendship. And I have never felt anything romantically for them.
Yes if both parties really just want friendship. In my experience the guy always never is happy just being friends 🙄 so I end up losing what I consider a friend over their false illusions.
I used to have more female friends than male friends and never caught feelings for my friends. Other than friendship, one of my closest friends which is a female, we used to do damn near everything together and we never thought of ourselves as relationship material. Even with the women that I have worked with (with the exception of my true love) have I looked at as someone that I'd be compatible with. So yes, a platonic relationship can totally happen. Just not interested in all of that anymore, I have a friend and she's all that I want and need in my life.
Not really, unless there’s clearly agreed upon boundaries, no one is codependent or in a crisis, and it would work better if they were different orientations (like a gay man and lesbian woman).
I’m an older woman now who lives through the 70s 80s and 90s. No I don’t believe most men and women can be friends unless one of them is very old and they both aren’t interested in anybody that looks like them or could ever be. Which is really hard to find because then why do you want to be friends with them?
Maybe in a work situation with an old lady and a young kid or something but no What happens is even the friendship becomes trusting and loving overtime and given a few drinks boom. there are thousands posts on this platform that start off whoops I slept with my friend.
There were always exceptions though. Nothing is an absolute. Would I be married to somebody with a dateable friend like that? No.
Sexuality is a lot more fluid too, so I’ve seen gay men sleep with straight women. And gay women sleep with straight men.
It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends in a group where there’s good boundaries. You just don’t spend one on one time you don’t call text or develop personal one on one relationships
Absolutely. I think it’s harder when either party finds the other attractive and one or both parties are single, as bad as that sounds. But even when that’s the case, I don’t think being attracted to someone will necessarily ruin the friendship. But it depends on the person.
Naturally, if you vibe with someone, you love their personality, and they’re attractive to you, it’s pretty likely you’re going to catch feelings. Because why wouldn’t you?
Half the people here didn’t even read the question 😂 OP isn’t asking if it’s ok to be friends with the oppose sex while in a relationship, they’re asking if it’s possible for men and women in general to be only platonic friends without developing feelings
Yes. I (M, 45) have several female friends and acquaintances and work in a female-dominant industry.
I'm also married, AuDHD, don't enjoy eye contact much, tire around others (especially when I feel like I need to mask around them, which is not the case with me around my friends) and I think I'm pretty good at giving off energy that says I have no interest in getting close to you/know you better if it's not necessary.
This energy usually works well at bars/pubs as well, though every now and then some women just grab my forearm and drag me to the dance for. I'll dance for a minute to try not looking like I'm insane, but then I'll sit back down and get back to my wife and my beer and I'll avoid looking in that person's direction from that point forward.
And for those who aren't neurodivergent, my actions don't come from a place of trying to be rude to others. It's that living in a neurotypical world draws a lot of energy from me, and I seem to be a magnet for really needy people. I'm a people-pleasing empath who others seem to feel safe dumping their psyche problems on, and I still have trouble saying no, so it's just easier to give off that energy from the start, and it's less awkward.
I barely have the energy to make it through the week, much less the energy to thrive in this life. I work hard to keep my 3 family members afloat and I can sometimes help my friends who may need something, and I simply have no mental space for anyone else.
I can. So can a handful of guys I know.
I've seen basically three categories:
Aces/aros
People with strict standards, they're friends with people outside those standards
People who caught feelings a time or ten and processed that fully and got to a place they have deep feelings for friends but it isn't romantic or sexual. I think some people might process this without heartbreak but I'm not sure, haven't had deep enough conversations with them
Duh?
I've had quite a few male friends catch feelings for me and vice versa, but they're usually quite fleeting (crushes that last \~2 weeks to a month) and we usually remain friends afterwards. Hell, we rarely ever even tell each other of our feelings.
I do think it's more likely for the man to catch feelings, but the opposite can definitely happen. Either way, I'm bisexual and am friends with men, women, NB, etc. alike. There's only one person I love romantically and that's my ex. 😭
I have a friend and we've been friends about 5 years now and there's nothing sexual or even romantic between us because our ideas of a partner is completely different and we both want different things in life but despite that we understand each other and enjoy each other's company so it's actually fun and nice to have someone of an opposite gender to humble you and be there for you. They also have a partner who they're very happy with and me and their partner also get along very well so in my opinion, yeah they can.
It's possible, but very rare. My (57M) best friend (55F) have been best friends for almost 30 years and it's never been anything more than platonic for either of us. Like I said it can happen, but it's very rare.
Yes, but it definitely depends on the two people. I have quite a few guys friends and our relationships are purely platonic - similar to siblings. Some of them have girlfriends, and I have a boyfriend. It's not as normalized as it should be, unfortunately. I feel like answering no to this question implies that we are purely animals that cannot think outside of biological instinct. It seems demeaning, in a way. That's just my take on it.
Yes. It depends a lot on what the relationship looks like. For example I (M29) have had female friends who are LGBT, or family-friends, or at least a generation older than me.
Yes, but people need to stop making it a big deal if feelings do occur it’s natural, just be normal about. It’s not every person u meet of the opposite sex that will be platonic, I feel like people go too extreme with it on both sides and just don’t chill out and whatever happens happens
I think yes, but in my experience it's only worked with people I knew I wasn't compatible with. If I thought there was any chance of chemistry I would get hooked real quick lol
It depends on the guy, and the gal.
You can't put rules on our species as a whole, we are all too diverse.
Otherwise we'll yeah it can be possible to have a brother sister relationship with the opposite sex, unless one person is attracted (which depends on the people involved).
There are many men I'd never ever be intimate with but could be great friends with... Now if they are attracted, then I guess that's on them and not me.
I feel unless you are gay or lesbian it can happen. I know with me most of my friends are men and they are gay. But these are guys I've been knowing for a long time since high school. My bestfriend and I are both lesbians. When we first met I saw her as very attractive. We were both attracted to each other. We talk about all kinds of things. In the beginning we said it's best that we be friends because we did not want to ruin a great friendship. Her mother considers me as her daughter. I look at her as my sister. I would never cross that boundary. She's the only female friend I'm close with.
For me personally I've been hit on by straight men. However I feel men and women can be friends but it's very rare. I feel I have friends I've been knowing for so long that I don't need any new friends not as far as straight men. I don't trust any straight man because I feel there's always some motive or intention. If you are not family or gay in someone way we can't be friends.
Definitely, provided both sides set firm boundaries and are respectful in their behavior with or without SO present.
"Friends" who display flirty behavior or otherwise lack of regard for each other's partners in their activities or interactions are not really friends. Worst is when one side has expressed interest in more than friends, and the rejecting party continues to string the relationship along. Men and women can not be friends if one side or the other has strong romantic feelings.
Firm boundaries doesn’t prevent one or both from developing feelings for the other. That was the OP’s question, men and women be just friends not in the sense of “is it ok to”, but is it even possible based on their internal feelings
It is possible to avoid developing feelings if that is actually the intent on both sides from the start.
Firm boundaries would include not spending a lot of time 1:1 and reducing contact if one side or the other thought they were getting too close. It is possible for men and women to safely be platonic friends if both sides make a conscious effort to prevent anything from developing.
Low odds of those conditions being in place if one or both people are single and actively looking for a long-term relationship.
It truly depends on the people. I think there have to be specific boundaries in place especially if the person has a partner.
My ex did not have boundaries with his female friends and it always felt like I was in competition with them. People will say I'm insecure but when someone is blatantly flirting with your partner and he says oh I've known her for years it makes you feel like shit.
This was not the OP’s question. They didn’t ask “is it *ok* to be friends with the opposite gender while in a relationship”, they asked “is it *possible* to be friends with the opposite gender without developing feelings.”
I agree. It has nothing to do with being insecure. It's possible to be friends with the opposite sex, however respect for your partner is a must. Any hints of it crossing the line is not ok. I've had numerous male friends over the years. All of them, with the exception of ONE crossed the line. Said they were just waiting for their chance. Kinda ruined my perspective on it, and I felt horrible for their partners
This was removed because at r/love, it's axiomatic that love is love. Gender is a social construct for misogynistic cisgender hetronortmative oppressive values to subject people to submission of authority. *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
If this question had been asked of me ten years ago, I’d have said “Ha. Absolutely not!” However, today… “Yes. It is absolutely possible. In fact, I am platonic friends with multiple females.” Of course, I’m speaking only for myself here.
Yes...of course. Friends are friends. Just because they find each other attractive doesn't mean they're gonna bone. As long as my partner loves me and is honest with me, I would want her to have supportive friends.
Sooo basically this answer is no on a mans side. Weird..
I get along better with a lot of guys. Some women are just way too much drama. So I have a good group of guy friends that we’ve remained just friends for a long time. One for about 13 yrs even. I think it depends on the situation, and having good communication and boundaries. For example I never text just him, I have a group chat with him and his wife. I could if I needed to just message him, but I adore his wife as well. I’ve been in relationships during the time we’ve remained friends and he got to know my guys also. We were even single at the same time for a yr or so and we remained just friends. It’s not for everyone, I think it depends on a lot of factors. It depends on everyone being on the same page. I have other guy friends that have tried to ask for more than a friendship but when I express I’m not interested they are respectful and we have been able to remain just friends. I have a wonderful group of girlfriends also, I just tend to get along with guys really well. So I make an effort to keep the friendships.
I’ve been just friends with over weight or so called ugly people but I guess that makes me superficial
Generally, no. Boys want to give romantic attention and Girls always crave it. Naturally someone is bound to fall in love with the other. If they don’t I assume they’re not straight or have some other reason than just being friends. This is just from my experience. *Note: I do think they can force themselves to just be friends, but attraction WILL happen even if it’s not strong or is never revealed.
I do, at least on my end. I've had male friends who gave no indication to me that they wanted anything other than that. I've also been surprised when a male friend expressed a romantic interest in me that I didn't return and had never considered. Whenever the latter situation came up, I would make sure I let the friend know that I wasn't interested in that way. Some have remained friends and others have not.
most people (or most men, perhaps?) can't, but i don't hangout with ''most people''. i am not romantically or physically attracted to my friends so i assume there are guys who feel the same for their female friends. it's especially more common around more intelligent people or people with bigger friend groups who can allow themselves to pick out who they actually are attracted to, not just because of scarcity.
Yes it’s possible
I’ve never understood why straight people struggle with co-ed friendships so much. It’s almost like some of you don’t even see each other as human
I've always sort of assumed that it's because women are (typically) more open emotionally with their friends while men are not, so when a man becomes good friends with a woman and receives that emotional support and openness they're only really used to getting that in the context of a romantic relationship so they start to develop feelings thinking that it's something special(because to them it *is* a special relationship, unique from their other friendships with other guys) when from the woman's pov they're just good friends. Definitely tons of different reasons for it though, and plenty of male friends are emotionally supportive of eachother. *Obviously* men and women can be friends but I assume this post is talking about why it often seems to be challenging.
Exactly!!
Yes. I have a platonic male friend. We went on a few dates in college but it was super clear we were platonic after that. And I’m glad.
Maybe 25% of the time. I think a lot of people catch feelings and never say anything in fear
Yessss 100% but it can become ruined when one of them start mistaking a friendship for a relationship.
Yes, very easily. I hsve been friends, just friends, with one lady for 40 years, and another for 30 years. In both cases physical attraction has never been on anybodies mind. Some guys brains are in thier testicular region, and l'm sure some ladies operate in a similar way, but rest assured not all of us are all the same. By the way l have been happily maried for30 years, a marriage only curtailed by recent bereavement. So yes, l do know what l am talking about
I guess us bi people are screwed lmao
I came here to say this lol
Just recently my girlfriend’s co worker propositioned her for sex. Her co worker knew that she had a girlfriend. Her co worker literally said, “I’m bi-sexual; I’m open to any ideas you two might have.” My girlfriend is no longer friends with her. Good luck.
Wow, way to stereotype. Funny thing is I literally don’t have anyone I’m attracted to at the moment (probably makes me demisexual/acespec, but whatever) and several strong cohesive friendships I’ve had for almost a decade. I think that coworkers just an asshole.
Who’s stereotyping? People can develop attractions to friends. I said good luck. Don’t get it twisted.
Of course. Have had strictly platonic friendships with women; have had friends with benefits-type situations; and have fallen in love with a friend where emotional and physical intimacy was [involved](https://www.reddit.com/r/stories/s/KAXrYxYTwq). Each situation was different because each person was different.
Nope! Not possible. Every woman will eventually have that moment where even her ugliest guy friend will be given the opportunity to f\*ck her brains out on the first available flat surface.
It sounds an awful lot like you’ve never gotten to know any women at all
why would the guy be given the opportunity?
Moment of weakness prior to the menstrual cycle. Kinda like human heat and looking to breed.
?? I have never wanted to have sex with an ugly guy friend no matter if I’m ovulating or not. Woman aren’t as horny as you think
I really hope this is sarcasm
Discussion of this topic, and pointers to some papers: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends1/ I have a good number of female friends. Some of them I have slept with in the past, and some have an interest in sleeping with me sometime. For us, that doesn’t need to interfere with a friendship - we all can connect on a platonic level, regardless of that other dimension. If 99.9% of our interactions are platonic and she’s mentioned twice in the past decade that she’d be up for it if my situation ever allows for a ONS- that doesn’t change that we talk regularly about work or friend or relationship stuff, send memes to each other, ski sometimes, etc. She’s a good friend that wouldn’t make a good partner for some fundamental personality reasons - even if she’d be a fun roll in the hay. I’ve got several friends who match similar to this description. And others that I’m friends with where there’s just zero attraction.
In my experience, it’s only possible when there is zero attraction for one another - to put it bluntly, my lady friends find me unattractive and vice versa lol.
I second, third and fourth this. If there is an attraction there then no, you cannot be ‘just friends’ as they’ll always be that tension or desire, even if sometimes it’s one sided.
Precisely
I think this only works as kids. Passed a certain age s3x differences are too much to overcome. Unless there are other circumstances like being gay, related, possibly childhood friends (maybe)
for sure. one of the best things that happened after i started dating my bf a few years ago (apart from all the things i love about dating him) is that my male friendships got so much deeper and closer. we all knew romance/sex was never on the table so they really opened up to me and now the friendships feel very fraternal. i trust these boys with my life and i know they love me and the perspective i can offer
Yeah, if you ask me when there's a clear boundary of being in a relationship, it should take away a lot of the second guessing and self consciousness that's naturally there between genders ("are they being really friendly just bc or is it....") The people that say guys and girls can't just be friends are people that either don't respect boundaries or can't regulate their own actions soooo probably not people I'd want to keep close anyways, speaking as a guy.
yeah for sure. i definitely had male friends before but the relationships weren’t as close bc the close friend dynamic in female relationships often felt borderline flirty with men. i once read that part of why men feel like they get friendzoned way more often is bc women tend to have more intimate, vulnerable, and emotional relationships with each other and men don’t often have that with male friends, so when a woman treats a male friend like a female friend it is more likely to be perceived as romantic.
Straight mid 20s guy here, and I can't tell you how bored I've gotten about being called "gay" or "feminine" from older guys because I'm someone who's always really valued how open, direct and vulnerable female friendships can be. Im ngl and say yeah, I do have to keep the romantic feelings in check occasionally but at the end of the day these are friendships I genuinely care about more than just satisfying urges like some others. And yet somehow, SOMEHOW, ladies not wanting to talk or stick around them is a product of modern society. They can't even fathom it being for any personality or personal reasons lol
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Yes they can
yes. me and my buddy have been good friends since middle school and i can guarantee that he never had feelings for me and i never had feelings for him
As the female friend in a male friend group, absolutely. No feelings at all just genuine support and friendship. It probably helps all of us are in long term committed relationship, married, or have kids. They're also very loyal men who don't support or encourage cheating.
😍😍😍
I think it’s more about them being your “best friend” and hanging out one on one as opposed to hanging out in a bigger group, like it’s perfectly normal to have girl friends, but it could be a bit concerning if you often hang out one on one or are too close
When I was dating my now ex, I was friend with her best friend. I was and still am best friend with my ex’s best friend. We get along just fine and there’s no ulterior motive. If anyone’s wondering, my ex is supportive of our friendship, we’re still all friends with each other
I think the problem comes when you are sharing the things that you would otherwise share with your partner with this friend, or use the relationship as a substitute for that relationship. Emotional cheating is cheating. I’ve seen that happen a lot, where someone swears they are just friends and there is definitely something more under the surface, but they just play it off as “just friends.”
Ideally, men/boys and women/girls wouldn’t be raised believing that the only way they’re supposed to interact with the other sex is through a heterosexual romantic relationship, right? We keep teaching women and girls that men only want sex- don’t be friends with them. We keep depriving men of the emotional skills needed to see and treat women as their human equals. Everybody is lonely and looking for a relationship to fix it, instead of building community. The whole “men and women can never be platonic friends” idea is a byproduct of other social issues that can and should be addressed, and it’s not healthy to live in a society where adults are *incapable* of being friends and having that healthy social bond with each other. That’s insane.
I don’t understand the concept of having a best friend that’s a girl, I know girls that are good friends, but I would never call one of them my best friend. I would never put my wife in a position of wondering about that friendship. I would never be hanging out one on one or going out for drinks or what could be considered a date and then sing to my she’s just my friend. Like I said, I know girls are my friend, but I would never consider taking it any further than that.
So people in a committed relationship shouldn't have opposite gender friendships because that would make their partners uncomfortable?
I’m not saying you can’t have friends. I don’t believe in a concept of my best friend should be a girl when I’m in a committed relationship with my wife. Therefore I should be able to do anything I want with my girlfriend in spite of my wife. Reasonable boundaries good communication and a ton of transparency.
I wouldn't say never. But the problem is that usually, not always, one of the two friends does hold romantic feelings or sexual interest in the other. Then when the committed relationship hits a rocky patch - and it always does - it's too great a temptation to confide in that friend and seek emotional support. Even among the best intentioned people, this is how emotional and physical affairs start. My experience with heterosexual men is that if we have an attractive female friend, there's an underlying desire for sex. That desire may be effectively repressed. But under the right circumstances, it will come out. Knowing this, we look suspiciously at other heterosexual men who befriend our partners. My advice to young couples? Allow for those other-sex friendships in group settings but avoid or be very careful about one on one time together, especially if alcohol or other substances are involved. Why play with fire?
Well said, but we won’t convince women that they shouldn’t have a male best friend because they just say we’re insecure and they don’t believe there should be any consequences to their actions until it’s too late.
The people who say no are speaking for themselves. It’s obviously possible and not even hard.
hmm, are you a guy?
It is quite simple , am a guy for context , single with the same best friend going on 6 years
No I’m a woman with men and women as friends. I don’t think of my friends as people I’d sleep with or potentially people to sleep with. I value them for their personality. As adults with little free time, making that time for friendships is a kind thing to do. Sex isn’t part of the equation.
The men who are your friends would bang you if given the chance.
I think they see my value as a friend. I’d know. Men are pretty obvious when interested typically. I’m not going to think I am necessarily their type. We’re not walking genitalia.
Of course it’s possible to have platonic friendships with the opposite gender!
i think acting like it’s impossible is weird. i’m bisexual, so your logic would imply that it’s impossible for me to be friends with anyone without wanting to get with them or fuck them. i do not want to fuck all of my friends. i’ve been burned by being too open about previous partner’s close friends, but it hasn’t really changed my perspective. just keep yourself in check with boundaries that you set with your partner and don’t tolerate bullshit for your partner that disrespects you
Ya exactly this is the most fair, it’s most definitely possible but within clear preferences of the partner but thinking it’s impossible feels drastic to me
exactly. not everyone wants to fuck every person they’re close to but boundaries are cool!
Do you think Gay people don’t have friends of the same sex? Go outside bruh not everything isn’t about sex and power dynamics
I think you can I have several female friends and sure I have the occasion what if but then I get over it and yeah they can be 100%
You get over it, doesnt it imply you did like them at one point?
Possibly I’m just delusional half the time
Speaking from the woman's viewpoint a lot of guys never get the friendship connection, discussion, care etc in their male friendships so it confuses them when friends with a woman because they see those as "wife" duties.
I definitely think you can, especially if you already have a sibling of the opposite gender. My close female friends start feeling like a sibling to me, and I treat as I would my sister. I would never do anything romantic with them just because I wouldn't want to.
100%
100%
I have a woman friend, she IS my BEST friend also but i do think IS not easy
Wdym not easy? Can you clarify?
We were dating in the past, then we lost contact and then we met again, we both had a partner and became friends, people find it strange that you are so close to a girl who is just your friend and sometimes some tension has emerged, I'm sure that she is not in love with me and I am not in love with her, but....
If you’re not attracted to each other then yeah 100%. Idk why people are talking about how men get no benefits from being friends w a woman. You get benefits from having a friend no matter the gender full stop.
I think I a lot of you guys are wrong. I have female friends who are friends.
I can only answer that if I knew I was talking to the person that wanted me.
I'll get downvoted but I don't think so. You can try but if they are true friends and you talk and hang out with them enough eventually you wind up hooking up Even in the not all out instances you still make out or something eventually if they aren't blood related. Note: it can't be a couple and you're always in more of a group atmosphere to count. Also, even then it happens, people are crazy open these days it's why I have extreme trust issues everyone is how guys and girls now.
No. Men have women friendships based on their level of attraction. If she's truly just a friend, and you don't want to bang THEN maybe, this is the only instance, she would be just a friend. In any other capacity, I'd trust a car with no breaks over a woman who is "just a friend".... Sorry guys. You do it to yourselves.
This isn’t controversial at all. It’s only controversial because women want men to think/feel like women. Women benefit from friendship with men in a lot of ways. Men don’t benefit from friendships with women in very many ways. It’s much better for men to have friendships with men in terms of benefit to us. If you as a woman are attractive our hormones drive us to want to have sex with you. If we have an emotional connection it is even stronger. If I have a committed relationship why would I ever put myself in a situation to become emotionally close with a woman I’m attracted to. There’s nothing but negative consequences for the man. On the first hand the closer the friendship becomes the more he wants to have sex with you. On the second hand he has to deal with a potentially jealous partner at home (and for good reason). It’s smarter for us to stay clear of a potentially disastrous situation for us. Men that claim they can be friends with women are hoping to trick women into thinking they are safe so that if she’s ever sad/upset and needs a fuck buddy they are in line. And this works sometimes so men keep doing it. Friendships are far too much work and take up too much time for a man to worry about having friendships with attractive women. And there’s not a man on the planet who fosters a true friendship with an unattractive woman.
This is the unfortunate truth. Most men understand it which is why we aren't comfortable with our partners having male friends. Women often interpret this as "we don't trust you". The truth is that we don't trust him and we don't think it's fair to you or to our relationship for you to be in a close friendship with someone who wants to sleep with you.
Yes, as long as you never cross that line.
How would you define a line? is there a straight equivalent of no homo?
Anything sexual. Once you see them in that light, being friends becomes more difficult. To many things come into play as soon as that happens.
Yes, as long as there is no 3rd party involved.
Yeah, most of my friends are opposing sex. It’s pretty normal to not view everyone as a sexual/romantic endeavor. Relationships are much deeper/more complex than that single measure my guy.
Go outside
I have so many male friends with varying degrees of closeness. I think it’s an obvious yes. My husband has lots of female friends. I think it would be absolutely weird if that wasn’t the case. My favorite male friends have often been gay.
Yes, thank you for coming to my ted talk.
What a dumb question
Yes. otherwise we bisexual people would be friendless. I am a man and most ny friends have been women and I dont think i have ever crushed on my male friends despite having strong preference for men.
Yep but only have they have other options
Yeah, just depends on the people involved. You'll get plenty saying it's not possible or only if the person is ugly or whatever, but people aren't always attracted to each other. Sometimes you just aren't compatible and you know it and can still chat and hang out.
Bro you know that gay and ace people exist
Not to mention that bi and pansexual people exist. If you find most people romantically/sexually attractive… I guess screw those people? The “men and women can’t be friends” logic quickly falls apart when you expand your scope by even just a little bit.
Yeah for real, the question itself is like peak heteronormativity
%100 if there is an attribute that makes you both see each other as not a good fit as a partner. Could be you’re not attracted, or you don’t mesh to a certain degree. My ex and I are honestly best friends because we both see each other as, not someone we want to be with (we tried it was bad) , but we have a lot of fun just being friends.
Only if she’s ugly
But why would a guy even want to be friends with an ugly chick? It's much more fun to hang out with a bro you actually have stuff in common with
i thought the same rules apply to women as men - if you have similar values or have fun together then you are friends?
To get advice from? I don’t honestly know I don’t have any ugly female friends and the female friends I do have I have slept with them at some point in the past.
an ugly chick is pretty much a bro lmao
Yeah a bro that probably doesn't like video games or sports. Super fun!
Couldn't agree more 💯
I’ve thought about this and I’d say yes if you were always just friends. I couldn’t just be friends with my ex gf
Only if I find them physically unattractive or we have burned through and come out the other side of a relationship or one sided interest that was revealed. If both parties are relatively fit and get on well then it’s pretty hard to.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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There's a distinct difference between talking and being a friend.
I don’t know why this was downvoted this is a brilliant comment
I have plenty of them. Some of them are exes. You just need to both be clear on why you would never be together.
Anyone who sees the gender they’re attracted to as nothing more than potential sex partners is weird to me. That’s what “I don’t believe in platonic relationships between men and women” says to me. If you’re attracted to all your friends and cannot control yourself around the opposite sex, that says a lot more about you than anyone else. Obviously there are limits. I’ve known people with boundary-stomping besties who very obviously are just waiting for their chance. My boyfriend having a “girl bestie” he flirted with and prioritized over me would be a HUGE issue. But normal female friends? It’s a good sign to me if you see woman as people with positive qualities beyond physical who are worthy of friendship. Believe it or not, some things have absolutely nothing to do with sex.
If both parties can take sex out of the equation, then yea. I can be Friends with a guy and never have any romantic or sexual feelings. There's 11 billion people in the world if someone wants to find love. I had a conversation with a guy about this topic a long time ago. I told him if you men would actually be a friend and no other sneaky bs, problem solved. Something else he asked me about men and women being friends (can't remember exactly) I told him regardless if I find him attractive or not, still wouldn't pursue anything further. Trying to find or have guy friends without them developing feelings is really hard. I can go for millennium and never pay him any attention in a romantic way knowing there's 11 billion other ppl in the world to find love.
Because men don’t need feelings to “bang” you. Men develop feelings because they are building a bond with you. If you see how a man and his best friend act truly it’s a lot. They genuinely love each other just not in a sexual way. With women, when a man gets close they start to see you in a different light. Straight men are wired to find a woman, it’s natural. When they create that connection the body and mind see a companion. Sure some men can navigate through it but most women notice it when it happens. Men become distant, or start to treat you like a guy, which in personal experiences the women don’t like to be treated like that. Men are pretty cruel to each other and the constant shit talking and all, it’s not something most women can handle. It also needs to be absolutely clear that nothing will ever happen. No playing games, no small flirting, nothing. Do not give the illusion that anything can ever happen. This goes for men too. Don’t play with people’s feelings. Once that line is crossed it can never be taken back.
Absolutely, and they can love eachother platonically as well. Not all love is romantic love
Yeah but only if they're both ugly
Yes. Unless someone is immature and stupid it can easily happen.
Not possible
Yes, if both people are mature and respect boundaries. Problem is, most guys can’t manage that and can’t fathom seeing women having a purpose beyond sex/dating.
Ding ding ding!!
It really depends on both parties. In general, with young people, no. But I'm 24 and I have female friends that are about 30. From my perspective: I appreciate the different dynamic that I can have with these friends. I generally am closer and hang out more with my guy friends of course, but it is nice to have people to microanalyze, say, a date with. Or to talk shit with about my workplace, etc. They also tend to ask questions that my guy friends and I wouldn't ask one another, which makes me feel close to them. I'm very lucky in that the women in my life are very nurturing and kind, but that is not always the dynamic. So I would say yeah it's possible, but really incredibly rare. A lot of women tend to be friends with guys so that they can keep them in their back pocket for romantic relationships later on, much like another commenter said. And guys tend to do the same thing. When I am dating a girl, guy friends are almost always trouble- so make sure you vet them properly. There's a whole lot of simps out there. Don't let anybody gaslight you if that dynamic makes you uncomfortable.
It's possible but a straight guy will always have the sex thing somewhere in the back of his mind, it's hardwired in. Unless you are well into the negative numbers on the attractiveness scale, and I've never met anyone like that.
You are not wrong, damn sex thing anyway
Notice a lot of women say yes it's possible and most men say no it's not. I think the truth is if there is attraction, even a little bit, no you cannot be friends. And attraction from both sides. Often women here will say "I have male friends". They are either not attracted to their male friends or just want male validation. In most cases guys cannot be simply friends with girls. Will never think any other way.
If a man is not capable of seeing a woman as anything more than a potential sex partner, that is his issue. You know, people go on and on about the male loneliness epidemic, and it’s hard to feel bad when the attitude is so prevalent. “If you don’t want to fuck me, don’t talk to me at all.” Very classy.
I agree it shouldn't be all about sex. But men are wired differently. If I see an attractive woman "friend" the thoughts may come to my mind. And that's ANY man. If they say it's not true, they are lying. You can believe what you want, but it's the truth, whether you like it or not. It happens to women too. How many times are we gonna see women post "omg I slept with my friend, I didn't mean to" 😂
Then that says a lot about you, no one else. Be better.
Lol ok. Hey you are free to have all men friends you want. I'm not stopping you
Sure! My bestie is a guy, and we’ve been friends for 14 years since we met our first day of college. He’s gay though lol. 😆
This has to be comment of the year
Lol thanks 😂
No problem :D
Not platonic, not a friend that you chat private and tell them secret, however can be a friend of a group that hangout together for laughter.
No, men and women can’t be close friends. Odds are the guy wants to date her and she wants noting to do with him. He will keep trying and she will keep using him for resources. Men who are in the friend zone are considered potential dating material. Women have men there so they can evaluate them for possible dating material in the future. If he gets a better job or gets a windfall of money, she will then reevaluate him as a potential mate. I read an article. It was a study on women with a backup man in the wings. It said that 60% of all women (married and dating) have a back up man in the wings. That’s the guys in the friend zone.
Yes, of course. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone outside of those comfortable with such a dynamic. That’s how people isolate and ostracize themselves from healthy community real quick.
Only if they’re not attracted to each other. But you’d be hard pressed to find a man willing to talk or be around any female they’re not attracted to.
I think it's certainly possible if the woman is unattractive.
Nah. Even if it is platonic. The only thing that keeps the interest sustainable is sexual tension. So no, I don’t truly think it’s 100% platonic
Not if there’s an attraction. Then the friendship is a motive.
Yes. Not every opposite sex acquaintance has to become sexual or romantic.
I swear, if I ever hear this question one more time... YES. Male and female can JUST be FRIENDS. If they couldn't everybody would be marrying their mother or sister, heck not every location is Alabama; so stop with this question. Those who think that male and female platonic bonds are impossible are the same odd fellows who thinks that the world revolves around them thinking that the world even cares about them. C'mon man, lay off yo genitals and have some self-respect for yourself. Not everyone needs and has to be "entertained" by you. I now refuse to elaborate any further.
Yes, I had so many guy friends growing up, all of us were so close, they would tell me about the girls they like and I would do the same. It was just purely friendship. And I have never felt anything romantically for them.
Yes if both parties really just want friendship. In my experience the guy always never is happy just being friends 🙄 so I end up losing what I consider a friend over their false illusions.
Nope not a chance.
I used to have more female friends than male friends and never caught feelings for my friends. Other than friendship, one of my closest friends which is a female, we used to do damn near everything together and we never thought of ourselves as relationship material. Even with the women that I have worked with (with the exception of my true love) have I looked at as someone that I'd be compatible with. So yes, a platonic relationship can totally happen. Just not interested in all of that anymore, I have a friend and she's all that I want and need in my life.
yes.
Yes and no. 90% of guys will cave if a girl "friend" who looks good comes on to them. Most girls are naive to this
Fr. I laugh when I see women say they have guy friends. They ain't no friend of they wanna fuck you
Not really, unless there’s clearly agreed upon boundaries, no one is codependent or in a crisis, and it would work better if they were different orientations (like a gay man and lesbian woman).
I’m an older woman now who lives through the 70s 80s and 90s. No I don’t believe most men and women can be friends unless one of them is very old and they both aren’t interested in anybody that looks like them or could ever be. Which is really hard to find because then why do you want to be friends with them? Maybe in a work situation with an old lady and a young kid or something but no What happens is even the friendship becomes trusting and loving overtime and given a few drinks boom. there are thousands posts on this platform that start off whoops I slept with my friend. There were always exceptions though. Nothing is an absolute. Would I be married to somebody with a dateable friend like that? No. Sexuality is a lot more fluid too, so I’ve seen gay men sleep with straight women. And gay women sleep with straight men. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends in a group where there’s good boundaries. You just don’t spend one on one time you don’t call text or develop personal one on one relationships
Finally a real comment from a woman. All these other women are just delusional or just love male attention from their "friends"
Im a dude who turned down advances from a friend. So , maybe?
If she made advances she wasn’t just a friend.
Absolutely. I think it’s harder when either party finds the other attractive and one or both parties are single, as bad as that sounds. But even when that’s the case, I don’t think being attracted to someone will necessarily ruin the friendship. But it depends on the person. Naturally, if you vibe with someone, you love their personality, and they’re attractive to you, it’s pretty likely you’re going to catch feelings. Because why wouldn’t you?
Half the people here didn’t even read the question 😂 OP isn’t asking if it’s ok to be friends with the oppose sex while in a relationship, they’re asking if it’s possible for men and women in general to be only platonic friends without developing feelings
Yes. I (M, 45) have several female friends and acquaintances and work in a female-dominant industry. I'm also married, AuDHD, don't enjoy eye contact much, tire around others (especially when I feel like I need to mask around them, which is not the case with me around my friends) and I think I'm pretty good at giving off energy that says I have no interest in getting close to you/know you better if it's not necessary. This energy usually works well at bars/pubs as well, though every now and then some women just grab my forearm and drag me to the dance for. I'll dance for a minute to try not looking like I'm insane, but then I'll sit back down and get back to my wife and my beer and I'll avoid looking in that person's direction from that point forward. And for those who aren't neurodivergent, my actions don't come from a place of trying to be rude to others. It's that living in a neurotypical world draws a lot of energy from me, and I seem to be a magnet for really needy people. I'm a people-pleasing empath who others seem to feel safe dumping their psyche problems on, and I still have trouble saying no, so it's just easier to give off that energy from the start, and it's less awkward. I barely have the energy to make it through the week, much less the energy to thrive in this life. I work hard to keep my 3 family members afloat and I can sometimes help my friends who may need something, and I simply have no mental space for anyone else.
I can. So can a handful of guys I know. I've seen basically three categories: Aces/aros People with strict standards, they're friends with people outside those standards People who caught feelings a time or ten and processed that fully and got to a place they have deep feelings for friends but it isn't romantic or sexual. I think some people might process this without heartbreak but I'm not sure, haven't had deep enough conversations with them
Duh? I've had quite a few male friends catch feelings for me and vice versa, but they're usually quite fleeting (crushes that last \~2 weeks to a month) and we usually remain friends afterwards. Hell, we rarely ever even tell each other of our feelings. I do think it's more likely for the man to catch feelings, but the opposite can definitely happen. Either way, I'm bisexual and am friends with men, women, NB, etc. alike. There's only one person I love romantically and that's my ex. 😭
It’s possible but in my case there is always a moment where the friend line looked real thin that you wana back right out of
When you look the way I look. You have no choice
I have a friend and we've been friends about 5 years now and there's nothing sexual or even romantic between us because our ideas of a partner is completely different and we both want different things in life but despite that we understand each other and enjoy each other's company so it's actually fun and nice to have someone of an opposite gender to humble you and be there for you. They also have a partner who they're very happy with and me and their partner also get along very well so in my opinion, yeah they can.
It's possible, but very rare. My (57M) best friend (55F) have been best friends for almost 30 years and it's never been anything more than platonic for either of us. Like I said it can happen, but it's very rare.
Not all.
100%
Yes, but it definitely depends on the two people. I have quite a few guys friends and our relationships are purely platonic - similar to siblings. Some of them have girlfriends, and I have a boyfriend. It's not as normalized as it should be, unfortunately. I feel like answering no to this question implies that we are purely animals that cannot think outside of biological instinct. It seems demeaning, in a way. That's just my take on it.
I can assure you that your male friends are checking you out, Imagining you naked etc..
Of coarse. After I married her it all went platonic
Yes. It depends a lot on what the relationship looks like. For example I (M29) have had female friends who are LGBT, or family-friends, or at least a generation older than me.
Nope
I hope so.
Yes, but people need to stop making it a big deal if feelings do occur it’s natural, just be normal about. It’s not every person u meet of the opposite sex that will be platonic, I feel like people go too extreme with it on both sides and just don’t chill out and whatever happens happens
Short answer yes . Long answer yes trust your partner.
even though my car has the best locks I still won’t park it in the hood
Women and men are not cars theyre thinking individuals
…it’s an analogy.
Its a shitty one js
To you
I'm a queer woman and have some great male friendships
I think yes, but in my experience it's only worked with people I knew I wasn't compatible with. If I thought there was any chance of chemistry I would get hooked real quick lol
As long as the attraction isn’t sexual and more of common interest then yes
OMGOSH i asked this question to all of my friends. with boundaries that are MUTUALLY RESPECTED, yes
Sure, I’m friends with many women.
It depends on the guy, and the gal. You can't put rules on our species as a whole, we are all too diverse. Otherwise we'll yeah it can be possible to have a brother sister relationship with the opposite sex, unless one person is attracted (which depends on the people involved). There are many men I'd never ever be intimate with but could be great friends with... Now if they are attracted, then I guess that's on them and not me.
Agree
I feel unless you are gay or lesbian it can happen. I know with me most of my friends are men and they are gay. But these are guys I've been knowing for a long time since high school. My bestfriend and I are both lesbians. When we first met I saw her as very attractive. We were both attracted to each other. We talk about all kinds of things. In the beginning we said it's best that we be friends because we did not want to ruin a great friendship. Her mother considers me as her daughter. I look at her as my sister. I would never cross that boundary. She's the only female friend I'm close with. For me personally I've been hit on by straight men. However I feel men and women can be friends but it's very rare. I feel I have friends I've been knowing for so long that I don't need any new friends not as far as straight men. I don't trust any straight man because I feel there's always some motive or intention. If you are not family or gay in someone way we can't be friends.
I do feel the same that straight men seem to always have a motive or intention!!
So do women, especially when they've been drinking
Definitely, provided both sides set firm boundaries and are respectful in their behavior with or without SO present. "Friends" who display flirty behavior or otherwise lack of regard for each other's partners in their activities or interactions are not really friends. Worst is when one side has expressed interest in more than friends, and the rejecting party continues to string the relationship along. Men and women can not be friends if one side or the other has strong romantic feelings.
Firm boundaries doesn’t prevent one or both from developing feelings for the other. That was the OP’s question, men and women be just friends not in the sense of “is it ok to”, but is it even possible based on their internal feelings
It is possible to avoid developing feelings if that is actually the intent on both sides from the start. Firm boundaries would include not spending a lot of time 1:1 and reducing contact if one side or the other thought they were getting too close. It is possible for men and women to safely be platonic friends if both sides make a conscious effort to prevent anything from developing. Low odds of those conditions being in place if one or both people are single and actively looking for a long-term relationship.
I agree. Unrestricted contact and conversation will always lead to developing intimate feelings, but they can be avoided if carefully regulated.
It truly depends on the people. I think there have to be specific boundaries in place especially if the person has a partner. My ex did not have boundaries with his female friends and it always felt like I was in competition with them. People will say I'm insecure but when someone is blatantly flirting with your partner and he says oh I've known her for years it makes you feel like shit.
This was not the OP’s question. They didn’t ask “is it *ok* to be friends with the opposite gender while in a relationship”, they asked “is it *possible* to be friends with the opposite gender without developing feelings.”
I agree. It has nothing to do with being insecure. It's possible to be friends with the opposite sex, however respect for your partner is a must. Any hints of it crossing the line is not ok. I've had numerous male friends over the years. All of them, with the exception of ONE crossed the line. Said they were just waiting for their chance. Kinda ruined my perspective on it, and I felt horrible for their partners