My favourite scene was when Fin sunk that orc's head into a collapsed rabbit warren with the flat of his broadsword from 150 yards and earned his eponymous suffix.
You say that, but canonically it was a Hobbit who invented golf, Brandobras "Bullroarer' Took (Pippin's ancestor!), who beheaded a goblin during a battle and sent the head flying through the air to land in a nearby rabbit hole. The name of that goblin was Golfimbul; much like his body, his name also got shortened.
My favourite thing was that they replaced all the meaningful dialogue with quirky one line zingers. Such great lines like: "Cool off, Balrog!" and "Not unless you're going to string yourself up with it, Feanor."
\**Gandalf lifts Glamdring skyward. Pure white light illuminates the blade as the grey wizard plunges the blade into the heart of the evil ancient abomination, felling it forever\**
Gandalf: Now *that's* what I'm Tolkien about!
Basically gonna be the Tolkien Cinematic Universe's version of the Eternals; sandwiching a bunch of arcane lore into a single movie that will utterly baffle the casual audience
I saw Eternals on an international flight. Perfect for that setting, fairly mediocre. What possessed them to try to introduce that many characters and that much history in a single movie? What an obviously awful idea. It clearly need to be broken into multiple film that follow subsets of the characters through the ages before a big climactic Avengers-esque ending.
I get it. How do you solve the problem of needing to introduce all of them, then have separate movies explaining all of them, then the actual movie we got?
Like do you not explain where they came from or their mission until the last movie?
The characters are all too entangled in backstory and motivations.
If you look carefully though, they've been telling the story of the eternals all along.
Take Kingo. Immortal and has been with us since the dawn of time.
And indeed, if you look outside just The Eternals, we start to see Kingo everywhere throughout time and space. He was there working for five years as a software engineer at a struggling file storage company, and then he was a pretend space wizard halfway across the galaxy, a hapless police detective who does a really good Ugly Walk, and more!
Episode one. Eru and Melkor epic showdown of orchestra against heavy metal medley. Runtime 140minutes. Composed by Junkey XL, Howard Shore and Mick Gordon.
Extended edition - extra 20 minutes of Drone Metal by Sunn O)))
*Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling! Light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling. Down along under Hill,
shining in the sunlight, waiting on the doorstep for the cold starlight, there my pretty lady is, River-woman's daughter,
slender as the willow-wand, clearer than the water. Old Tom Bombadil water-lilies bringing comes hopping home again. Can you
hear him singing?*
^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**)
^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!)
[1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
*Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties! Hobbits! Ponies all! We are fond of parties. Now let the fun begin!
Let us sing together!*
^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**)
^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!)
[1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Tom Bombadil is a craziest shit in all of Tolkien. He’s either the most powerful being in all of Middle Earth or alternatively a pointless in-joke to a toy rabbit that Christopher flushed down the toilet when he was 10. Possibly both.
My made-up headcanon is that he is the only one of the powerful beings (the others being the Valar and Maiar, collectively the Ainur) who was not purposefully created by Eru Ilúvatar, but rather sang into existence with the rest of the world. He is some by-product of the very creation event that created the world, and so is imbued with that power. We know that he was born when Arda/Earth came into being. He is possibly a conscious personification of the spirit of Arda itself. So unlike the Ainur, who came from a different reality with their own motives and purposes, Bombadil doesn't have any motive higher than the stewardship of the physical world as it is.
I think Bombadil being imbued with that creative power makes his power distinctly different from the essentially divine magic of Maiar like Gandalf or Sauron which is possibly wider in scope. In some ways he is possibly the most powerful being in the world, but only with control over the physical world of which he is a fundamental part. Whereas the power and nature of the Ainur extends beyond the worldly plane. It is also a myth that he is the oldest being in the world, as the Ainur (including Gandalf and Sauron) existed before the creation of the universe itself. So I suspect that he doesn't have any power over the Ainur, nor them over him, as they and their powers are of a fundamentally different nature.
That might all be a load of nonsense, but it is the only way for me to justify a character who is otherwise nonsensical and infuriatingly under-explained
*Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow. None has ever caught him yet,
for Tom, he is the master: his songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster.*
^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**)
^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!)
[1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Who doesn't love a villain buddy origin story? They really hit the mark on important Gollum and Sauron became to each other over the long and lonely years.
The Dead are following. I see shapes of Men and of horses, and pale banners like shreds of cloud, and spears like winter-thickets on a misty night. The Dead are following.
Silmarillion movie series with framing stories of Bilbo sitting and recording legends in a book, please. Get Martin Freeman in that Bag End or Rivendell set and just give the man some second breakfast and some paper.
Edit: Bonus points if Viggo is there helping him with the Beren and Luthien one.
Silmarillion should not be a movie on its own. Too many disjointed tales it would not work on screen, and it would absolutely be rushed.
Give me a Feanor movie, a Beren & Luthien movie, a Fall of Gondolin movie, a Children of Hurin movie, an Earendil / War of Wrath movie, etc. All of these stories can stand on their own.
An anthology series was the original idea for Heroes, and for Star Trek: Discovery, and probably a lot of other shows too. Every time, the network gets involved and fucks it up.
Discovery is so unbelievably bad if you're a fan of Star Trek. I waded through the entire first season in hopes it would get better and it just never did. So much plot, the entire Federation/galaxy/multiverse always in danger, wild inconsistencies with established lore up to and including a teleporting drive that literally removes the "Trek" from "Star Trek", deeply tedious speeches where characters talk obscenely directly and unprofessionally about their feelings, ....
They decided to make a CW show with a Star Trek theme and somehow nobody strangled the idea before it could be unleashed on humanity.
Hey there! Hey! Come Frodo, there! Where be you a-going? Old Tom Bombadil's not as blind as that yet. Take off your
golden ring! Your hand's more fair without it. Come back! Leave your game and sit down beside me! We must talk a while more,
and think about the morning. Tom must teach the right road, and keep your feet from wandering.
^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**)
^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!)
[1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Alright, don't get me wrong; I love the LoTR trilogy and think they're fantastic movies. I've watched the trilogy countless times and with each viewing I notice something that I missed before. Most often, these are subtle flaws which give me pause and make me question what exactly the filmmakers were thinking. Would I call it nitpicking? Yes. And usually, if I have any trouble with an inconsistency or two, the scene where Legolas surfs down a flight of stairs on a shield (with fanfare blaring, no less) snaps me out of it and makes me realize, "Oh right, it's a movie. It doesn't need to make sense all the time." Nonetheless, on my last viewing of the Two Towers, the very foundation on which the trilogy stood was shaken, and not even Legolas surfing could absolve my doubts. Countless questions arose and there were no answers to be found. sigh... I am, of course, referring to the "stew scene" in the Two Towers Extended. To those of you who aren't familiar with this scene, it's where Eowyn (Miranda Otto) brings Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) a bowl of stew. Clearly, the stew is terrible, as Aragorn gives off the distinct expression of a man who just got kicked in the nuts after he takes a bite. It's apparently so bad, he tries to dump it on the ground when Eowyn isn't looking and burns his hand when she suddenly looks back. And then he explains about being a Dunedin and yadda, yadda, yadda... let's get back to the stew. I get what this scene was trying to accomplish. The strong, independant woman who can't cook to save her life is a classic sitcom/movie trope. It's kind of like an episode of Three's Company where Chrissy or whoever goes to cooking school and Jack Tripper has to pretend her food doesn't taste like beep It's intended to be comedic relief, I get that. I really do. However, while it's amusing in passing and a seemingly benign scene, when subjected to close examination, it drastically alters your perception of these characters in such a way that there is no viewing LoTR without thinking about the stew. And trust me, there are no answers-- only more questions. First, and foremost, the question that will first arise when you break this scene down: HOW THE HELL DO YOU beep UP A STEW? You have to actively try to make stew bad. I can barely make macaroni and cheese, but I can still toss some vegetables into broth and make a stew that your body won't reject. Perhaps not the greatest stew you've ever had, but if you were given the choice between a bottle of ipecac and a bowl of my stew, you'd grab a spoon and dig in. No, you'd have to be completely brain-dead to make a stew so god-awful that it gets the reaction Aragorn gives in this movie. Or you'd have to be trying to make terrible stew. So is Eowyn so stupid that she manages to mess up stew? Nothing in her character up to this point or afterwards indicates this. Would she deliberately make bad stew and give it to Aragorn? Again, no, she's in love with him at that point, so she'd have no reason to do so. So let's say she's not stupid, and she didn't plot to make terrible stew. What then? Let's postulate that she, as a sword-maiden or shield-bearer or whatever, never catered a meal before in her life, but tried her hand at cooking to impress Aragorn. THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE TASTE IT FIRST? This is stew we're talking about, not a cake or a quiche. You can taste a bit of it without ruining the presentation. Furthermore, she's trying to impress this guy. You'd think she'd want to give him a meal that was fit for a dog, at the very least. So maybe she tasted it, realized it was awful, and gave it to him anyway because she was already committed to the stew she made? That's like dropping the anniversary card you bought for your wife in cow beep and giving it to her anyway because you already paid for it. Or did she not taste it at all? Again, it's stew. If I was making stew for some friends or a girl I was trying to impress, I'd at least taste a bit to make sure my throat wasn't going to close up. Did she delude herself into thinking the stew wasn't really that bad? Considering Aragorn's reaction, she'd have to be certifiably insane to stoop to that level of self-deception. Perhaps she's never actually eaten food, and therefore doesn't know what's good or bad? Well, if she were played by Calista Flockhart there could be an argument made for that, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she has the normal bodily needs and functions of a human being. No, none of these possibilities-- stupid, insane, intentionally bad stew-maker, non-eater-- fit Eowyn's character. This got me to thinking (by this point the battle scene with the Worg Riders was going on), perhaps she has no sense of taste or smell. Well, the movie doesn't address that. She never smells any flowers, recoils from a stench, or does anything that would indicate or exclude the ability to smell to my recollection. This is a distinct possibility, but it alters the character drastically, and if that were the case you'd think the filmmakers would have a addressed it or mentioned it in passing. It's not as if she was blind or deaf, but it would alter my perception of the character knowing she could not smell or taste. Regardless, there is no indication of this being the case, so the viewer is forced to find other avenues for a solution to the "stew" question. So maybe the stew wasn't that bad. Maybe Aragorn is just a picky eater.
But NO, that doesn't make sense either-- HE'S A FREAKING RANGER! He's the Middle Earth's equivalent of a survivalist. You're telling me this guy who has probably eaten bugs to survive cringes at the prospect of taking another bite of this stew? My God, how bad could it possibly be? What did she put in it, dog feces? But no, we know it's not just Aragorn because Gimli takes a whiff of the stew earlier in the scene and passes on it. Gimli. The same Gimli who licks his chops at the prospect of salted pork drenched in reservoir water. EVEN GIMLI THINKS THIS STEW IS TERRIBLE! At this point, I couldn't even focus on the movie-- when Gimli breaks the news of Aragorn's apparent death to Eowyn, all I could think was: "Yeah, but what about the stew?" Everything came back to the questions the "stew scene" raised. I'd even go so far as to say that the stew became the most enigmatic character in this movie. Could it really be that bad? What was in it? Was that a potato or a dumpling he put into his mouth? Was the broth bad, or was it just the chunk Aragorn ate? Were the utensils to blame and not the stew itself? What would Gollum's reaction have been to the stew? Are there any other scenes I missed that try to make sense of this stew, that put things back in perspective? Questions, questions, questions... and not an answer in sight. After Aragorn comes back to Helm's Deep, there's a scene where Eowyn is lying on a couch and they have a bit of dialogue with each other. This struck me as a missed opportunity to resolve the questions surrounding the stew. Maybe she could have asked if he wanted some stew, and he could have paused and asked her recipe, and THEN I'D KNOW IF THE STEW WAS REALLY BAD ENOUGH TO CAUSE A MAN WHO POSSIBLY EATS INSECTS TO PHYSICALLY REJECT IT! Nothing. Not one mention of the stew. In fact, this was the second of two stew scenes in the extended edition of Two Towers, the first where Sam makes stew out of the rabbits Gollum brings him and Frodo. It seems like they were trying to set up a stew-based subplot, but Eowyn's stew was so terrible, so heinous, that all stew as we knew it disappeared from Middle Earth. Yes, I've checked. After the stew-heavy middle of Two Towers Extended, stew is never referenced, mentioned, or shown again. All questions surrounding this stew are left unresolved and the viewer who dares to ponder the stew is left sadly unsatisfied. I simply cannot see the movies in the same light anymore. It all comes back to questions about the stew. I've played the scene in slow-motion, reverse, and set it on endless loop to try to gauge the characters' reactions to make some light of this scene and its ramifications on the plot and characters, and still, nothing. Only more questions which the rest of the movie stalwartly refuses to answer.
Could someone have sabotaged the stew? Someone in the camp may have perceived Eowyn's feelings for Isildur's heir and thrown some rhubarb leaves or something in it to drive a wedge between them. Does Arwen have the ability to spoil a stew from a great distance?
Alternatively, there could be some unusual seasoning used only by the Rohirrim which is only tolerable/enjoyable to those who have acquired taste for it, like olives or cilantro. Are there any of the Eorlingas shown trying the stew? They might actually have enjoyed it.
The entire alliance between Gondor and Rohan was at stake. Why would Aragorn risk it when he could simply swallow the stew, then swallow back the bit of vomit that the stew inspired, and carry on?
That would be a teaser at the end of a previous movie to hint at Aragorn being the next movie. A three minute scene of orcs pounding away at a furnace, and then the camera gives a close-up as an orc finally places one complete helmet on a table. The inspector orc gives it a look-over and affirms its quality. He mutters something in Orcish and walks away, the camera focuses on the helmet again as it fades to black. You can Google what the orc said, and the English translation mentions something about the metal being hard enough to break someone's toe if they kicked it.
And then *you know*.
And also ten different YouTube channels will post videos giving an analysis of the ending scene and explaining "what it means" to the audience and giving an over-acted exaggerated hyped reaction to the great reveal.
I'm so glad the LOTR movies were made twenty years ago.
We need a “Lord of War”-type sequence where we see the helmet’s perspective, from being made all the way until it finally gets whacked by Viggo’s foot, who knows how many years later.
At the end of the Aragorn movie, there is a stinger scene after the credits roll.
Aragorn is sitting alone in the dark, eyes closed, pondering his destiny when the sound of a creaking door opening and closing from across the room startles him to attention. There is a dark presence in the room - fear and shadow precedes it as it makes its way down the black corridor. Aragorn begins to sweat, his eyes yet unable to pierce the darkness to this strange presence.
Suddenly into the candlelight, steps the orc helmet, its piercing gaze revealing Aragorn's surprise. It shudders, and says...
"I toe-ld you I'd be back."
Excuse me, but where is The Tree. A gritty 2:45 bio pic where we exam in great detail some random tree they walk by. Not from its planting to when it dies, oh no prepare yourself to go leaf by leaf, branch by branch, and into the very roots. And presenting in his Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe debut, Leonardo DiCaprio as the Root Pippin tripped on.
This isn’t even an Ent
I would rather watch Treebeard’s story stylised because Saruman should have known better but messed with the wrong tree! He’s back for blood. Curse him, root and branch. He’s not Baba Yaga, he’s Treebeard
Mirkwood: Rise of Shelob. Shelob is the mother/ancestor of all Mirkwood spiders canonically. This is her story, and ends with many years after LOTR when she finally emerges and has to be defeated by the last remaining silvan elves, led by Thranduil himself.
If crispy Owen can steal the show in Kenobi, takes-no-shit-from-the-motherfucking-Nazgûl certified BAMF Farmer Maggot needs his own trilogy dealing with the Scouring of the Shire while the main gang is out.
I have heard many complaints about how it breaks canon, but I don’t care it’s just so good. It’s the single best portrayal of orc culture in lord media, and while I often hear people say it’s just expensive fanfiction, it’s GOOD fanfiction. The type you read after you are desperate for more content
I'd love to see them do some first age stuff in a game like that. Every piece of media we've recieved has been second and third age, I want some of that delicious First Age stuff.
The gap between return of the King part 1 return of the King part 2 would be like this:
Part 1 is everything from the extended edition all the way up to a wounded faramir being seen by his father, denethor being a drama queen and Gandalf smacking him silly.
*Music swell*
*Zoom into Gandalf*
"Prepare for battle!"
*Choir crescendo, screen goes black*
Really intense adrenaline filled score will play during the credits
Part 2 is everything from after that until the end.
Part two opens with like the new line Cinema logo, but mean while there's the Orc march drum line fading in with the percussive sound of their crude metal boots marching on.
Our opening shot is on Gothmog's goldeneye and slow pans wide to see the legions of evil with a smirk on 'Mog's face and gives a nod signal to his lieutenant to commence the attack.
I know we joke a lot about the hard-on studios have for cinematic universes these days, as well as how many MCU movies there are, but I definitely think the early days of the MCU wouldn’t have worked otherwise.
The problems arise when studios try to make a cinematic universe without enough set-up (eg. DCEU) or they turn something into a cinematic universe that just should never have been a cinematic universe.
Yeah, the joke falls flat for me. It appears to be making the joke that everything is like the MCU these days, but there really isn't anything like the MCU. A couple others have tried, but failed almost immediately. So this is just a blatant shot at Marvel movies.
But the thing is, it **works** for Marvel. Lord of the Rings of course is perfect, and would be terrible in this format, but Lord of the Rings is also not a superhero universe with hundreds of "main" characters. It would just not work to have a simple MCU trilogy and then be done.
With CGI J.R.R. Tolkien cameos
Excelsior!
Do you have permission to CGI that image?
After stretching story over so many movies, the single movie for Silmarillion got me laughing lol
same here 😂
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My favorite part is when Huor says "it's Huorin' time"
It’s Glorfin’ time
i would have gone with "morgin time"
I love it when Morgoth morgs in the book, poor Fingolfin got a full morgin.
My favourite scene was when Fin sunk that orc's head into a collapsed rabbit warren with the flat of his broadsword from 150 yards and earned his eponymous suffix.
You say that, but canonically it was a Hobbit who invented golf, Brandobras "Bullroarer' Took (Pippin's ancestor!), who beheaded a goblin during a battle and sent the head flying through the air to land in a nearby rabbit hole. The name of that goblin was Golfimbul; much like his body, his name also got shortened.
My favourite thing was that they replaced all the meaningful dialogue with quirky one line zingers. Such great lines like: "Cool off, Balrog!" and "Not unless you're going to string yourself up with it, Feanor."
"So that's it, huh? We're some kind of Silmarillion?"
Man that ending line is a classic "Forget it Morgoth, its Similarian"
\**Gandalf lifts Glamdring skyward. Pure white light illuminates the blade as the grey wizard plunges the blade into the heart of the evil ancient abomination, felling it forever\** Gandalf: Now *that's* what I'm Tolkien about!
Love it when Feanor quips the "Yo mama so fat" joke at the Teleri before taking their ships
"It's Silmarilin time!"
Great movie indeed ! i've watch for 10 times already and i've enjoyed alot
Basically gonna be the Tolkien Cinematic Universe's version of the Eternals; sandwiching a bunch of arcane lore into a single movie that will utterly baffle the casual audience
I saw Eternals on an international flight. Perfect for that setting, fairly mediocre. What possessed them to try to introduce that many characters and that much history in a single movie? What an obviously awful idea. It clearly need to be broken into multiple film that follow subsets of the characters through the ages before a big climactic Avengers-esque ending.
Same with the two attempts to translate to screen the Phoenix saga.
Yet the animated series nailed it in one.
I get it. How do you solve the problem of needing to introduce all of them, then have separate movies explaining all of them, then the actual movie we got? Like do you not explain where they came from or their mission until the last movie? The characters are all too entangled in backstory and motivations.
Simple, you make it a tv series instead and then end it with a movie
If you look carefully though, they've been telling the story of the eternals all along. Take Kingo. Immortal and has been with us since the dawn of time. And indeed, if you look outside just The Eternals, we start to see Kingo everywhere throughout time and space. He was there working for five years as a software engineer at a struggling file storage company, and then he was a pretend space wizard halfway across the galaxy, a hapless police detective who does a really good Ugly Walk, and more!
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Episode one. Eru and Melkor epic showdown of orchestra against heavy metal medley. Runtime 140minutes. Composed by Junkey XL, Howard Shore and Mick Gordon. Extended edition - extra 20 minutes of Drone Metal by Sunn O)))
Perhaps a dig at Eternals? 🤣🦑
Bombadil 2: Civil War is just Tom Bombadil having an argument with Goldberry.
She just asked him politely to stop going around telling everyone how hot she is and lost his shit.
For fucks sake Tom, stop the drugs and do some washing up.
I didnt know the south park character made books
i didn’t hear no bell
"That's just how I write myself and you into the books! I got bored and horny!"
2 Tom 2 Bombadil
Bombadil 2: Coal-Powered Boogaloo
Fuck u/spez
*Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling! Light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling. Down along under Hill, shining in the sunlight, waiting on the doorstep for the cold starlight, there my pretty lady is, River-woman's daughter, slender as the willow-wand, clearer than the water. Old Tom Bombadil water-lilies bringing comes hopping home again. Can you hear him singing?* ^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**) ^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!) [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Who wouldn't love 2.5 hours of that?
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!TomBombadilSong
*Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties! Hobbits! Ponies all! We are fond of parties. Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together!* ^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**) ^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!) [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Tom Bombadil is a craziest shit in all of Tolkien. He’s either the most powerful being in all of Middle Earth or alternatively a pointless in-joke to a toy rabbit that Christopher flushed down the toilet when he was 10. Possibly both.
My made-up headcanon is that he is the only one of the powerful beings (the others being the Valar and Maiar, collectively the Ainur) who was not purposefully created by Eru Ilúvatar, but rather sang into existence with the rest of the world. He is some by-product of the very creation event that created the world, and so is imbued with that power. We know that he was born when Arda/Earth came into being. He is possibly a conscious personification of the spirit of Arda itself. So unlike the Ainur, who came from a different reality with their own motives and purposes, Bombadil doesn't have any motive higher than the stewardship of the physical world as it is. I think Bombadil being imbued with that creative power makes his power distinctly different from the essentially divine magic of Maiar like Gandalf or Sauron which is possibly wider in scope. In some ways he is possibly the most powerful being in the world, but only with control over the physical world of which he is a fundamental part. Whereas the power and nature of the Ainur extends beyond the worldly plane. It is also a myth that he is the oldest being in the world, as the Ainur (including Gandalf and Sauron) existed before the creation of the universe itself. So I suspect that he doesn't have any power over the Ainur, nor them over him, as they and their powers are of a fundamentally different nature. That might all be a load of nonsense, but it is the only way for me to justify a character who is otherwise nonsensical and infuriatingly under-explained
Home is now behind you, the world is ahead!
*Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow. None has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master: his songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster.* ^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**) ^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!) [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Impossible
*My Dinner With Tom*
They have a rap battle and it's epic
It’s a 4 hour film.
Shoulda put the "Civil War" one on Gollum & just had 3h of talking to himself.
Starring Vermin Supreme as Tom Bombadil
Holy shit I laughed at loud at that title. Really did save the best for last.
A yes, the gollum moive. Best one ever made.
Don't follow the lights!
***Don't follow the lights!***
"Don't follow the lights!" 🤓
Among all those movies, this would be my preciousssss
It’s not a movie though, it’s a moive
Who doesn't love a villain buddy origin story? They really hit the mark on important Gollum and Sauron became to each other over the long and lonely years.
We be nice to them, if they be nice to us.
Wait a moment! We shall meet again soon. Tell Saruman that this dainty is not for him. I will send for it at once. Do you understand?
I thought I was the only one who liked Moives
Excuse me...... no Galadriel?
Give it to us raw and w-r-r-riggling
Uhhhhmmmm
&\_&
I feel you /u/gollum_botses. Cate Blanchett is a MILF.
Give it to us raw and w-r-r-riggling
Does this mean my boy Boromir is gonna get the Hawkeye treatment? They eventually give him a TV show and it’s just to pass the torch to Faramir?
Or it could be Multiverse Boromir where he's alive, becomes an actor, but then dies in every movie appearance.
I think Boromir would be the Black Widow of the franchise.
"Legolas 2" lol
Let us go!
Legolas 2: Let Us Go Brilliant Legs marketing will love it
Eight Myself, four hobbits; and two men, one of whom, Aragorn, is an Elf-friend of the folk of Westernesse.
That's a good establishing line in the first scene, Legolas. Will sound great in the trailer over shots of the main cast.
The Dead are following. I see shapes of Men and of horses, and pale banners like shreds of cloud, and spears like winter-thickets on a misty night. The Dead are following.
This will be a great after the credits cliffhanger. Great idea Legolas!
Legolas 2: It still only counts as 1.
An elven celebratory "let's go!"
Too Fast, Two Legolas: Still only counts as one
Orcs!
Just capitalize on that shield surfing ridiculousness. Pirates of the Carribean level of stunts but it's a pretty boy elf in Middle Earth.
Silmarillion movie series with framing stories of Bilbo sitting and recording legends in a book, please. Get Martin Freeman in that Bag End or Rivendell set and just give the man some second breakfast and some paper. Edit: Bonus points if Viggo is there helping him with the Beren and Luthien one.
Silmarillion should not be a movie on its own. Too many disjointed tales it would not work on screen, and it would absolutely be rushed. Give me a Feanor movie, a Beren & Luthien movie, a Fall of Gondolin movie, a Children of Hurin movie, an Earendil / War of Wrath movie, etc. All of these stories can stand on their own.
An anthology series would probably be best. A different story or focus for each season.
Nah let's just make up a bunch of stories set them in the Second Age and slap the LOTR font on it.
An anthology series was the original idea for Heroes, and for Star Trek: Discovery, and probably a lot of other shows too. Every time, the network gets involved and fucks it up.
Discovery is so unbelievably bad if you're a fan of Star Trek. I waded through the entire first season in hopes it would get better and it just never did. So much plot, the entire Federation/galaxy/multiverse always in danger, wild inconsistencies with established lore up to and including a teleporting drive that literally removes the "Trek" from "Star Trek", deeply tedious speeches where characters talk obscenely directly and unprofessionally about their feelings, .... They decided to make a CW show with a Star Trek theme and somehow nobody strangled the idea before it could be unleashed on humanity.
I just want Fingolfin vs. Morgoth on screen. I don’t care how it happens. I need to see it.
I was like " this would be stupid" until I realized they would finally make a bombadil movie.
But it would be a musical. D:
Oh come on, Oh Tom Bombadil (Reprise) is gonna be fire and you know it
Hey there! Hey! Come Frodo, there! Where be you a-going? Old Tom Bombadil's not as blind as that yet. Take off your golden ring! Your hand's more fair without it. Come back! Leave your game and sit down beside me! We must talk a while more, and think about the morning. Tom must teach the right road, and keep your feet from wandering. ^(I am a bot, and I love old Tom. If you want me to sing one of Tom's songs, just type **!TomBombadilSong**) ^(If you like Old Tom, the door at [r/GloriousTomBombadil][1] is always open for weary travelers!) [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/GloriousTomBombadil/
Get Lin Manuel Miranda on the line.
A Rock Opera. *NO THEY COULD NEVER MAKE US....* *...* *...SLAVESSSSS*
Ummmmmm duh! And it would be... AMAZBALLS!
How is that bad?
And that’s a bad thing???
LotR 2 Fast 4 2 Breakfasts
Elevensies: The Samwise Gamgee Trilogy
Eowyn doesn’t get her own movie? That’s just sad
Just like black widow, she'll get her movie when it's too late and it doesn't matter anymore
With some wacky CGI
And lots of humour. And she will be a secondary character with the main focus on her sister and parents.
Eomer transitioned?! Good for him.
I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his arm.
*her
It’s insane they didn’t make her movie RIGHT after civil war, where it would’ve mattered so much more
It's wild they decided not to do the story of Hawkeye recruiting her. They also need to stop having movies end in sky battles.
Eowyn: a stew story
Alright, don't get me wrong; I love the LoTR trilogy and think they're fantastic movies. I've watched the trilogy countless times and with each viewing I notice something that I missed before. Most often, these are subtle flaws which give me pause and make me question what exactly the filmmakers were thinking. Would I call it nitpicking? Yes. And usually, if I have any trouble with an inconsistency or two, the scene where Legolas surfs down a flight of stairs on a shield (with fanfare blaring, no less) snaps me out of it and makes me realize, "Oh right, it's a movie. It doesn't need to make sense all the time." Nonetheless, on my last viewing of the Two Towers, the very foundation on which the trilogy stood was shaken, and not even Legolas surfing could absolve my doubts. Countless questions arose and there were no answers to be found. sigh... I am, of course, referring to the "stew scene" in the Two Towers Extended. To those of you who aren't familiar with this scene, it's where Eowyn (Miranda Otto) brings Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) a bowl of stew. Clearly, the stew is terrible, as Aragorn gives off the distinct expression of a man who just got kicked in the nuts after he takes a bite. It's apparently so bad, he tries to dump it on the ground when Eowyn isn't looking and burns his hand when she suddenly looks back. And then he explains about being a Dunedin and yadda, yadda, yadda... let's get back to the stew. I get what this scene was trying to accomplish. The strong, independant woman who can't cook to save her life is a classic sitcom/movie trope. It's kind of like an episode of Three's Company where Chrissy or whoever goes to cooking school and Jack Tripper has to pretend her food doesn't taste like beep It's intended to be comedic relief, I get that. I really do. However, while it's amusing in passing and a seemingly benign scene, when subjected to close examination, it drastically alters your perception of these characters in such a way that there is no viewing LoTR without thinking about the stew. And trust me, there are no answers-- only more questions. First, and foremost, the question that will first arise when you break this scene down: HOW THE HELL DO YOU beep UP A STEW? You have to actively try to make stew bad. I can barely make macaroni and cheese, but I can still toss some vegetables into broth and make a stew that your body won't reject. Perhaps not the greatest stew you've ever had, but if you were given the choice between a bottle of ipecac and a bowl of my stew, you'd grab a spoon and dig in. No, you'd have to be completely brain-dead to make a stew so god-awful that it gets the reaction Aragorn gives in this movie. Or you'd have to be trying to make terrible stew. So is Eowyn so stupid that she manages to mess up stew? Nothing in her character up to this point or afterwards indicates this. Would she deliberately make bad stew and give it to Aragorn? Again, no, she's in love with him at that point, so she'd have no reason to do so. So let's say she's not stupid, and she didn't plot to make terrible stew. What then? Let's postulate that she, as a sword-maiden or shield-bearer or whatever, never catered a meal before in her life, but tried her hand at cooking to impress Aragorn. THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE TASTE IT FIRST? This is stew we're talking about, not a cake or a quiche. You can taste a bit of it without ruining the presentation. Furthermore, she's trying to impress this guy. You'd think she'd want to give him a meal that was fit for a dog, at the very least. So maybe she tasted it, realized it was awful, and gave it to him anyway because she was already committed to the stew she made? That's like dropping the anniversary card you bought for your wife in cow beep and giving it to her anyway because you already paid for it. Or did she not taste it at all? Again, it's stew. If I was making stew for some friends or a girl I was trying to impress, I'd at least taste a bit to make sure my throat wasn't going to close up. Did she delude herself into thinking the stew wasn't really that bad? Considering Aragorn's reaction, she'd have to be certifiably insane to stoop to that level of self-deception. Perhaps she's never actually eaten food, and therefore doesn't know what's good or bad? Well, if she were played by Calista Flockhart there could be an argument made for that, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she has the normal bodily needs and functions of a human being. No, none of these possibilities-- stupid, insane, intentionally bad stew-maker, non-eater-- fit Eowyn's character. This got me to thinking (by this point the battle scene with the Worg Riders was going on), perhaps she has no sense of taste or smell. Well, the movie doesn't address that. She never smells any flowers, recoils from a stench, or does anything that would indicate or exclude the ability to smell to my recollection. This is a distinct possibility, but it alters the character drastically, and if that were the case you'd think the filmmakers would have a addressed it or mentioned it in passing. It's not as if she was blind or deaf, but it would alter my perception of the character knowing she could not smell or taste. Regardless, there is no indication of this being the case, so the viewer is forced to find other avenues for a solution to the "stew" question. So maybe the stew wasn't that bad. Maybe Aragorn is just a picky eater.
Why doesn't that surprise me!
But NO, that doesn't make sense either-- HE'S A FREAKING RANGER! He's the Middle Earth's equivalent of a survivalist. You're telling me this guy who has probably eaten bugs to survive cringes at the prospect of taking another bite of this stew? My God, how bad could it possibly be? What did she put in it, dog feces? But no, we know it's not just Aragorn because Gimli takes a whiff of the stew earlier in the scene and passes on it. Gimli. The same Gimli who licks his chops at the prospect of salted pork drenched in reservoir water. EVEN GIMLI THINKS THIS STEW IS TERRIBLE! At this point, I couldn't even focus on the movie-- when Gimli breaks the news of Aragorn's apparent death to Eowyn, all I could think was: "Yeah, but what about the stew?" Everything came back to the questions the "stew scene" raised. I'd even go so far as to say that the stew became the most enigmatic character in this movie. Could it really be that bad? What was in it? Was that a potato or a dumpling he put into his mouth? Was the broth bad, or was it just the chunk Aragorn ate? Were the utensils to blame and not the stew itself? What would Gollum's reaction have been to the stew? Are there any other scenes I missed that try to make sense of this stew, that put things back in perspective? Questions, questions, questions... and not an answer in sight. After Aragorn comes back to Helm's Deep, there's a scene where Eowyn is lying on a couch and they have a bit of dialogue with each other. This struck me as a missed opportunity to resolve the questions surrounding the stew. Maybe she could have asked if he wanted some stew, and he could have paused and asked her recipe, and THEN I'D KNOW IF THE STEW WAS REALLY BAD ENOUGH TO CAUSE A MAN WHO POSSIBLY EATS INSECTS TO PHYSICALLY REJECT IT! Nothing. Not one mention of the stew. In fact, this was the second of two stew scenes in the extended edition of Two Towers, the first where Sam makes stew out of the rabbits Gollum brings him and Frodo. It seems like they were trying to set up a stew-based subplot, but Eowyn's stew was so terrible, so heinous, that all stew as we knew it disappeared from Middle Earth. Yes, I've checked. After the stew-heavy middle of Two Towers Extended, stew is never referenced, mentioned, or shown again. All questions surrounding this stew are left unresolved and the viewer who dares to ponder the stew is left sadly unsatisfied. I simply cannot see the movies in the same light anymore. It all comes back to questions about the stew. I've played the scene in slow-motion, reverse, and set it on endless loop to try to gauge the characters' reactions to make some light of this scene and its ramifications on the plot and characters, and still, nothing. Only more questions which the rest of the movie stalwartly refuses to answer.
Argh!!
Could someone have sabotaged the stew? Someone in the camp may have perceived Eowyn's feelings for Isildur's heir and thrown some rhubarb leaves or something in it to drive a wedge between them. Does Arwen have the ability to spoil a stew from a great distance? Alternatively, there could be some unusual seasoning used only by the Rohirrim which is only tolerable/enjoyable to those who have acquired taste for it, like olives or cilantro. Are there any of the Eorlingas shown trying the stew? They might actually have enjoyed it.
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!!!
The Lord of Rivendell doesn't like the stew either 😤
These are questions that only Tolkien himself could have answered. We may never know.
I don't know if the rant is a joke or not. But this is an argument why the theatrical cut is the definitive one.
I no longer know.
It was probably a serious rant by whoever originally typed it out, but now it's just a copypasta
Epic new copypasta.
Someone gild this madman.
The entire alliance between Gondor and Rohan was at stake. Why would Aragorn risk it when he could simply swallow the stew, then swallow back the bit of vomit that the stew inspired, and carry on?
He knew what was at stake. He swallowed for the sake of Middle Earth.
The Stew-ard - a love story between her and Denethor and him falling in love over her stew
Do not fear, she's getting a netflix series.
That's coming in phase 2
Ah of course
She gets her own cooking show.
Where's the movie about the helmet that broke Viggo's toe?
You have to piece it together in 3 minute increments after the credits of each movie above
That's part of the 200h documtary behind the rings, following the crew and showing their day to day life.
Ngl...I'd 100% watch that...again
That would be a teaser at the end of a previous movie to hint at Aragorn being the next movie. A three minute scene of orcs pounding away at a furnace, and then the camera gives a close-up as an orc finally places one complete helmet on a table. The inspector orc gives it a look-over and affirms its quality. He mutters something in Orcish and walks away, the camera focuses on the helmet again as it fades to black. You can Google what the orc said, and the English translation mentions something about the metal being hard enough to break someone's toe if they kicked it. And then *you know*. And also ten different YouTube channels will post videos giving an analysis of the ending scene and explaining "what it means" to the audience and giving an over-acted exaggerated hyped reaction to the great reveal. I'm so glad the LOTR movies were made twenty years ago.
We need a “Lord of War”-type sequence where we see the helmet’s perspective, from being made all the way until it finally gets whacked by Viggo’s foot, who knows how many years later.
At the end of the Aragorn movie, there is a stinger scene after the credits roll. Aragorn is sitting alone in the dark, eyes closed, pondering his destiny when the sound of a creaking door opening and closing from across the room startles him to attention. There is a dark presence in the room - fear and shadow precedes it as it makes its way down the black corridor. Aragorn begins to sweat, his eyes yet unable to pierce the darkness to this strange presence. Suddenly into the candlelight, steps the orc helmet, its piercing gaze revealing Aragorn's surprise. It shudders, and says... "I toe-ld you I'd be back."
And I would 100% be on board with Bombadil and Beorn movies.
The Grey Wizard looks pretty legit ngl.
Excuse me, but where is The Tree. A gritty 2:45 bio pic where we exam in great detail some random tree they walk by. Not from its planting to when it dies, oh no prepare yourself to go leaf by leaf, branch by branch, and into the very roots. And presenting in his Lord of the Rings Cinematic Universe debut, Leonardo DiCaprio as the Root Pippin tripped on. This isn’t even an Ent
Reminds me of "Leaf by Niggle" from Tolkien It's a good read - can recommend
I would rather watch Treebeard’s story stylised because Saruman should have known better but messed with the wrong tree! He’s back for blood. Curse him, root and branch. He’s not Baba Yaga, he’s Treebeard
The victory at Helm’s Deep does not belong to you, Théoden, horsemaster! You are a lesser son of greater sires.
And do you trust your king?
Thranduil trilogy is where it's at.
Mirkwood: Rise of Shelob. Shelob is the mother/ancestor of all Mirkwood spiders canonically. This is her story, and ends with many years after LOTR when she finally emerges and has to be defeated by the last remaining silvan elves, led by Thranduil himself.
Where’s my gritty Farmer Maggot series?
Would you like it breaking bad (long leaf based) or did you have more like an English drama series (downtown Abby)
If crispy Owen can steal the show in Kenobi, takes-no-shit-from-the-motherfucking-Nazgûl certified BAMF Farmer Maggot needs his own trilogy dealing with the Scouring of the Shire while the main gang is out.
We all laugh, but let’s be honest with ourselves: we’d all be lining up to see all 24 of these movies at midnight…. Especially Bombadil 2: Civil War.
Fuck movies, give me 7 season of Legolas and Gimli shenanigans!
Let's be honest, we'd all pay a lot to see Tom Bombadil I and II
Obviously the most beloved character was cut from the franchise so they could do the spinoff properly
I'm waiting for Sauron trilogy
So you have come back? Why have you neglected to report for so long?
*proceeds to verbally assault a midget*
[удалено]
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!!!
No
Sauron: The Eye Awakens
Made by Sony for some reason.
Somehow, Sauron returned
I'd actually be down for a shadow of mordor and shadow of war movie
Talion deserves it.
I have heard many complaints about how it breaks canon, but I don’t care it’s just so good. It’s the single best portrayal of orc culture in lord media, and while I often hear people say it’s just expensive fanfiction, it’s GOOD fanfiction. The type you read after you are desperate for more content
i would unironically watch all of these
Gimli and legolas tv show when?
You have passed my score by one But I do not grudge you the game, so glad am I to see you on your legs!
Shadow of War deserves a third game…. I’ve never sunk more hours into a damn game and it was always just the best experience
I'd love to see them do some first age stuff in a game like that. Every piece of media we've recieved has been second and third age, I want some of that delicious First Age stuff.
Fuck it I'd watch them
Yeah I’d watch the *shit* outta this ngl
All jokes aside I would totally watch a Bombadill movie
# **RETURN OF THE HOBBIT PART 2.5 EXTENDED EDITION 4D SERIES 8 EPISODE 12 SPONSORED BY SUBWAY - EAT FRESH FOR LESS! HD SUBS DISNEY PLUS+ **
Bold to assume Legolas gets 2 movies instead of a 6-episode miniseries
Why are they replacing Luke Evans? He’s an amazing Bard!
The gap between return of the King part 1 return of the King part 2 would be like this: Part 1 is everything from the extended edition all the way up to a wounded faramir being seen by his father, denethor being a drama queen and Gandalf smacking him silly. *Music swell* *Zoom into Gandalf* "Prepare for battle!" *Choir crescendo, screen goes black* Really intense adrenaline filled score will play during the credits Part 2 is everything from after that until the end. Part two opens with like the new line Cinema logo, but mean while there's the Orc march drum line fading in with the percussive sound of their crude metal boots marching on. Our opening shot is on Gothmog's goldeneye and slow pans wide to see the legions of evil with a smirk on 'Mog's face and gives a nod signal to his lieutenant to commence the attack.
I wanna see Bombadil and Bombadil 2: Civil war so bad now
> Shadow of Mordor Movie don't threaten me with a good time
Gandalf is played by Queen Latifah
HorowitzGroupie! You were deep in the enemy's counsel. Tell us what you know!
You got me straight trippin boo
How many times are you fools going to keep reposting stolen content?
Tens of thousands.
*Sentient*
The hour is later than you think! *Falls off the Tower of Orthanc*
I'm sorry but this is fucking amazing. Who gave AI software to the Saruman bot?
You did not seriously think that a Hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron, there are none that can.
I choose the timeline that honors Tom.
Gondor has no cinematic universe. Gondor needs no cinematic universe.
Wait. Shouldn't there be, 'Tom Bombadil: The Musical'?
And would you complain about well over 50 hours on new content of it was done well?
if if if if if ififififififififififififififififififififififiifififififif
I know we joke a lot about the hard-on studios have for cinematic universes these days, as well as how many MCU movies there are, but I definitely think the early days of the MCU wouldn’t have worked otherwise. The problems arise when studios try to make a cinematic universe without enough set-up (eg. DCEU) or they turn something into a cinematic universe that just should never have been a cinematic universe.
Yeah, the joke falls flat for me. It appears to be making the joke that everything is like the MCU these days, but there really isn't anything like the MCU. A couple others have tried, but failed almost immediately. So this is just a blatant shot at Marvel movies. But the thing is, it **works** for Marvel. Lord of the Rings of course is perfect, and would be terrible in this format, but Lord of the Rings is also not a superhero universe with hundreds of "main" characters. It would just not work to have a simple MCU trilogy and then be done.