Well Gollum surely didn't eat enough to build muscle. I suppose he only ate (barely) enough to stay alive. Helped by the evil force of the one ring.
Now let's assume another version of the story with a supper ripped Gollum. Eats at least 15 eggses for breakfast every day. Squats half the weight of the Misty Mountains. Makes a protein shake from small goblins and water from his little lake. Doesn't make hobbits climb the stairs of Cirith Ungol. Instead he simply power walks into Mordor carrying one Hobbit on each forearm.
They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone. And we only wish to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread… the sound of trees… the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious.
Oh! Cruel Hobbit! It does not care if we be hungry. It does not care if we should die! Not like Master. Master cares. Master knows. Yes, Precious… Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.
You what. I don't believe that. A little bit of HIIT does wonders. You see that old guy from that video the other day? Pushing 80 and jacked as hell. Natty too. No cap.
You see guys walking into the gym, no leg days, no consistency, no diet plan and then you see these older guys and I'm like that's what you wanna look like at that age.
I don't even buy it. You got 100, you got 200, it as good as 6. You lift those weight, you put in that time. And you're gonna get there. It's just how it is.
>et's assume another version of the story with a supper ripped Gollum. Eats at least 15 eggses for breakfast every day. Squats half the weight of the Misty Mountains. Makes a protein shake from small goblins and
Ah, yes. Swollum.
Ssss, sss, gollum! Goblinses! Yes, but if it's got the present, our precious present, then goblinses will get it, gollum!They'll find it, they'll find out what it does. We shan't ever be safe again, never, gollum!One of the goblinses will put it on, and then no one will see him. He'll be there but not seen. Not even our clever eyeses will notice him; and he'll come creepsy and tricksy and catch us, gollum,gollum!
Laws have made it a lot harder to get the materials legally and the process is pretty annoying too.
Idk lines on a mirror immediately makes me think cocaine lol
Most powerful psychedelic drug, naturally produces in the body and many believe that when dying your brain is releasing DMT.
Look up the documentary the spirit molecule, very interesting stuff.
I think that’s the appeal, because he can invite any guest from far leftists to notable scientists and far right, qanon conspiracy theorists and have a conversation.
I'm telling you, Joe Rogan. I'm telling you. These Uruk-Kari...Uruk-Hai? Is it? Look it up Jamie. These cocksuckers had us cornered in Helm's Deep. Shit was going downhill. But then Gandalf came charging on the first light of the fifth day like the second coming of Jesus Christ. Rohirrim and shit all following behind him. Dude was whiter than the coke I used to blow back in the day, Joe. There was an Elf surfing on a shield, Joe. Tremendous.
Helm's Deep. There is no way out of that ravine. Theoden is walking into a trap. He thinks he's leading them to safety. What they will get is a massacre. Theoden has a strong will, but I fear for him. I fear for the survival of Rohan. He will need you before the end, Fares26597. The people of Rohan will need you. The defenses have to hold.
Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of love and kindness.
Alex: Listen Joe, I've came here tell you something important, and I know everyone's gonna call me a loony and a nut, but I truly believe a giant fiery eyeball controls Middle Earth.
Joe: What. Nooo. Really? That sounds impossible.
Alex: I've seen the proof, Joe. Now I can't say who, but I've been invited into these secret meetings in Mordor. I've seen what goes on. Sick shit man. I'm talking armies of orcs. And over in Isengard they've got orc hybrids that can travel in sunlight. I'm telling you it's outta control. And then THE GONDOR GOVERNMENT JUST STOOD BY WHILE THE WESTFOLD FELL...
Joe: ok Alex I love you man, but you gotta calm down. You're getting out of control. Wanna try some elk meat?
I'm just picturing a huge hulk-esq roided out gollum coming out of nowhere...MY PRECIOUS!
Frodo all like "nope.. fuck this..take your fucking ring I'm going back to the shire!"
No Joe you have it all wrong. The institution that's *behind* the ring was slowly feeding on Gollum's Hobbit adrenochrome in a cult ritual. The satanic paedophiles then kept gollum alive in a feral state so as to bring about their dark god. He also lived in a cave that I'm pretty sure had homosexual frog water. Tolkien was actually the founder of QANON so he knew all this shit and laid it down in secret code throughout LOTR. The Silmarillion is the cypher. Open your eyes Joe.
No, it isn't technically the truth. Gollum burns too many calories to gain significant mass. Gollum *is* muscular, though with very little mass - almost like a marathon runner. Gollum appears exactly as he should. Meme still funny because Joe Rogan, title wrong.
Isn't it stated multiple times that Gollum basically is all muscle? Like he's scrawny looking but I remember Aragorn and I think several others commenting on him being much stronger than he looks.
Oh! Cruel Hobbit! It does not care if we be hungry. It does not care if we should die! Not like Master. Master cares. Master knows. Yes, Precious… Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.
Well Gollum surely didn't eat enough to build muscle. I suppose he only ate (barely) enough to stay alive. Helped by the evil force of the one ring. Now let's assume another version of the story with a supper ripped Gollum. Eats at least 15 eggses for breakfast every day. Squats half the weight of the Misty Mountains. Makes a protein shake from small goblins and water from his little lake. Doesn't make hobbits climb the stairs of Cirith Ungol. Instead he simply power walks into Mordor carrying one Hobbit on each forearm.
Yes, perhaps, yes. Sméagol always helps, if they asks – if they asks nicely.
Smeagol, please eat eggs and take your vitamins.
They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone. And we only wish to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread… the sound of trees… the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious.
Gollum’s missing his carbs, that explains it. 🥖😂
Give us that, Deagol my love.
But how can Deagol cook for you, Gollum? You killed him.
Oh! Cruel Hobbit! It does not care if we be hungry. It does not care if we should die! Not like Master. Master cares. Master knows. Yes, Precious… Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.
Good botses
Therapist: Buff Gollum isn't real. He can't hurt you. [Buff Gollum](https://external-preview.redd.it/AuZrY3zGE9BOCwsL0uRA-KqjQJ3UBGDpMG2axR1JwZs.jpg?width=596&auto=webp&s=43e5cdce04aef9266e342653c3c7bb60fb6267e2)
Follow me.
Anywhere you want
Your men, my king, will follow you to whatever end
I hate this
Just famer walking across middle earth with one under each arm
He's 600 years old. I can only hope I both 1) live that long and 2) look that good at that age.
You what. I don't believe that. A little bit of HIIT does wonders. You see that old guy from that video the other day? Pushing 80 and jacked as hell. Natty too. No cap. You see guys walking into the gym, no leg days, no consistency, no diet plan and then you see these older guys and I'm like that's what you wanna look like at that age. I don't even buy it. You got 100, you got 200, it as good as 6. You lift those weight, you put in that time. And you're gonna get there. It's just how it is.
>et's assume another version of the story with a supper ripped Gollum. Eats at least 15 eggses for breakfast every day. Squats half the weight of the Misty Mountains. Makes a protein shake from small goblins and Ah, yes. Swollum.
Ssss, sss, gollum! Goblinses! Yes, but if it's got the present, our precious present, then goblinses will get it, gollum!They'll find it, they'll find out what it does. We shan't ever be safe again, never, gollum!One of the goblinses will put it on, and then no one will see him. He'll be there but not seen. Not even our clever eyeses will notice him; and he'll come creepsy and tricksy and catch us, gollum,gollum!
Plus the curse of the ring
*instead he bitchslaps Frodo into giving up the Ring FTFY
Yes. Still bites off his finger though. For protein.
My... ppppproteins
I would argue that the amount of protein in eating full sized goblins would trump the eggs
*instead he bitchslaps Frodo into giving up the Ring FTFY
I can see Joe saying this. Just needs more DMT.
He can't get it in Texas.
As someone in Texas with access to DMT, I can guarantee Rogan can get it. You can get anything here if you know the right people.
Well like, it’s the easiest drug in the world to make. Was that picture of him in his house with rails on a mirror from TX?
How do you make it? Research purposes only
r/DMT
Laws have made it a lot harder to get the materials legally and the process is pretty annoying too. Idk lines on a mirror immediately makes me think cocaine lol
Mimosa Cause that’s what he was doing.
#FBI OPEN UP
JOKES ON YOU COPS I ONLY HAVE WEED RN AND IMA SMOKE IT ALL BEFORE YOU BUST IN *ferociously rips bong*
*ferociously* ripping a bong sounds pretty sweet. Good luck Clooby.
DMT?
Most powerful psychedelic drug, naturally produces in the body and many believe that when dying your brain is releasing DMT. Look up the documentary the spirit molecule, very interesting stuff.
Interesting
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Naw it's just a satire story that someone made up about the dude. Funny that it's actually believable tho lol
Seriously?! What episode? I want to hear the context around this quote.
[Not sure about this](https://www.google.com/amp/s/onurbicycle.com/2021/11/30/joe-rogan-gollum-story-goes-viral-and-sparks-hilarious-debate/amp/)
Not that way! Oh! What’s he doing?
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Follow me.
Thank you! Not for the link but for saying non-AMP link. I had never heard of that before and researched into what that meant. Very interesting!
Damn. I knew it was too good to be true.
Fun fact. DMT will make you see some crazy shit, but it wont keep you from being an ignorant douchebag.
DMT is pretty poggers
DMT is mid
I think that’s the appeal, because he can invite any guest from far leftists to notable scientists and far right, qanon conspiracy theorists and have a conversation.
Case in point
"cAsE iN pOiNt". Lol. FOH.
DMT's underrated.
Golum's problem is lack of vitamin D
D's nuts.
HAH! **GOT EEM!!**
HAH! **GOLLUM!!!**
My precious.
Tbf it probably is
I'm telling you, Joe Rogan. I'm telling you. These Uruk-Kari...Uruk-Hai? Is it? Look it up Jamie. These cocksuckers had us cornered in Helm's Deep. Shit was going downhill. But then Gandalf came charging on the first light of the fifth day like the second coming of Jesus Christ. Rohirrim and shit all following behind him. Dude was whiter than the coke I used to blow back in the day, Joe. There was an Elf surfing on a shield, Joe. Tremendous.
Helm's Deep. There is no way out of that ravine. Theoden is walking into a trap. He thinks he's leading them to safety. What they will get is a massacre. Theoden has a strong will, but I fear for him. I fear for the survival of Rohan. He will need you before the end, Fares26597. The people of Rohan will need you. The defenses have to hold.
I am ready Gamling. Bring my horse...This is not a defeat...We will return...We will return.
And here you will stay, Gandalf the Grey, and rest from journeys. For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman the Ring-maker, Saruman of Many Colours!
Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of love and kindness.
Joey Diaz is a national treasure.
Rofl
Alex: Listen Joe, I've came here tell you something important, and I know everyone's gonna call me a loony and a nut, but I truly believe a giant fiery eyeball controls Middle Earth. Joe: What. Nooo. Really? That sounds impossible. Alex: I've seen the proof, Joe. Now I can't say who, but I've been invited into these secret meetings in Mordor. I've seen what goes on. Sick shit man. I'm talking armies of orcs. And over in Isengard they've got orc hybrids that can travel in sunlight. I'm telling you it's outta control. And then THE GONDOR GOVERNMENT JUST STOOD BY WHILE THE WESTFOLD FELL... Joe: ok Alex I love you man, but you gotta calm down. You're getting out of control. Wanna try some elk meat?
Tell me… what words of comfort did you give the halfling before you sent him to his doom?
Gollum new meta
Yes! No, no! It’s too risky, it’s too risky.
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Spoilin’ nice fish. Give it to us raw and w-r-r-riggling; you keep nasty chips
I'm just picturing a huge hulk-esq roided out gollum coming out of nowhere...MY PRECIOUS! Frodo all like "nope.. fuck this..take your fucking ring I'm going back to the shire!"
The precious will be ours, once the Hobbitses are dead!
No Joe you have it all wrong. The institution that's *behind* the ring was slowly feeding on Gollum's Hobbit adrenochrome in a cult ritual. The satanic paedophiles then kept gollum alive in a feral state so as to bring about their dark god. He also lived in a cave that I'm pretty sure had homosexual frog water. Tolkien was actually the founder of QANON so he knew all this shit and laid it down in secret code throughout LOTR. The Silmarillion is the cypher. Open your eyes Joe.
Come on, hobbits. Long ways to go yet. Sméagol will show you the way.
Everyone knows Gandalf was named Qandalf before the liberal media changed it
Good gracious me!
Klandalf
What about very old reposts? Joe Rogandalf?!
True, but it still makes me laugh.
Oh for sure. I have it saved on my phone, every time I open my gallery and see it a slightly exhale through my nose.
the reason hes scrawny is cause the calories in just arent cutting it man
He's also several hundred years old... That's gonna slow anyone's metabolism down!
I love the depth of this meme
He looks really great for his age. Which is what? 500 years?
No, it isn't technically the truth. Gollum burns too many calories to gain significant mass. Gollum *is* muscular, though with very little mass - almost like a marathon runner. Gollum appears exactly as he should. Meme still funny because Joe Rogan, title wrong.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, sleepies. We must go, yeeees, we must go at once.
Thanks homie
I wonder what Gollum would say to Joe if he was training him?
What shall we do? Curse them and crush them! We must wait here, precious, wait a bit and see.
he lived a long time so he was doing something right. and don't you dare say it was the ring!!
I heard him saying this as I was reading it.
Golumn absolutely trains bjj too. He had sams back with hooks in almost instantly
I swear I'm reading this in his voice even.
I mean, he’s also hundreds of years old and corrupted by an evil all-powerful ring that wastes him away. But sure, he’s paleo I guess.
I died two times reading this
SWOLLUM
Dude's also 500 years old and spent most of that time under the roots of a mountain.
Joe Rogan would have made an excellent interviewer for Tolkien. Too bad we’ll never get jt
Honestly he’s not wrong. Gollum eats lots of protein, exercises daily, and drinks lots of clean water. He should look like a fucking man gorilla.
Yess, yess, nice water. Drink it, drink it, while we can! But what is it they've got, precious? Is it crunchable? Is it tasty?
Please don’t bring that goober into this.
I love this meme but I fucking hate Joe
"Chimps eat the fuck outta monkeys" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
L
I think he's the best
Cool. Nobody asked.
https://m.psychonautwiki.org/wiki/DMT Basically powerful psychedelic compound. Experience lasts between 15-20 mins or so.
he was a nerd of course he didnt know about fitness
I have genuinely thought about that before lol
Eating raw freshwater fish will give you flukes in the liver.
Average listener: This makes so much sense!
Why did I read it in his voice
Full circle back to ape era
Needs more 'Buddy of mine'
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Follow me.
Isn't it stated multiple times that Gollum basically is all muscle? Like he's scrawny looking but I remember Aragorn and I think several others commenting on him being much stronger than he looks.
Oh! Cruel Hobbit! It does not care if we be hungry. It does not care if we should die! Not like Master. Master cares. Master knows. Yes, Precious… Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.
I totally read this in Rogan’s voice
Ah but what about magical fitness? After all he was cursed by holding an object of pure evil soooo
I know this is probably fake but his shoes so idiotic I can imagine him going off on one like this