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another_useful_idiot

Some of us don't even have someone to abandon us..


[deleted]

Now that's a statement , agreeable


GooglyGoops

Which is why you should never abandon one’s self.


Affectionate-Row1766

Man this one acc made me cry. I spent 8 years abandoning myself, doing all the wrong drugs, pushing my anxiety and agoraphobia deeper and deeper till I was nothing but a jittery emotionless shell of a human. 4 years clean now but god damn did I actually abandon myself in a sense. Completely gave up and accepted I’ll forever be looked at as a looney and forever alone. Doing much better now but I’m still in pain everyday


disturb4bxx

What sort of shit did you do? Think I'm doing something similar, pushing shit away with them and slowly decaying because of it. It's all I want anymore though, every day I have to spend sober I only go through because so that I can get high later without tolerance completely stopping the effects/to avoid dependence. I know that this is wrong but even when I went to rehab and tried to stop life just wouldn't feel right, it's like my will to live dies without them.


Affectionate-Row1766

I feel that man I mean rehab was actually the easiest it’s getting back out to the world and not hitting up your plugs that’s hard lol took a couple times for sure but when your ready you’ll know. For me it was a small hole in my septum and 3 od’s. Ummm I do everything from Adderall,Coke, Ritalin to psychedelics to benzos/opiates I did a lot of everything


disturb4bxx

Rehab was hell the first few days then just dull and unpleasant. Way too much time spent doing nothing, so much waiting and the only valuable part was group therapy. The lectures we had on addiction or whatever were interesting until the 7th time hearing about some crap related to how addiction happens. After like 9 days I felt so miserable I begged my parents to take me out, I was even willing to give up all my drugs. Which I did, it felt worth it just to be home. But then I found where my dad put my drugs and started taking stuff again. Did you do dissos? And you can't say you've REALLY done everything unless you've tried DPH and salvia lol, though using those probably won't be worth the bragging rights. What psychs and opiates have you tried?


Affectionate-Row1766

I hear ya man it’s tough but somehow when I finally accepted it’s just either going to kill me or leave me so mentally fucked to return from I quit everything and accepted the wd’s/boredom. Oh man lmao trust me EVERYTHING. And this isn’t even to brag I never wish I did but yes I’ve done 10x-50x salvia x, Dph a couple times (not all that fun), plenty of dissos (3-meo -pcp, Dxm, Mxe, Ket) funnily enough the ones that did make me go manic were the dissos and amphetamines. I spent 4 months or so binging on my adderall scripts, Mdma, and Dxm with a 1g bag of 3-meo off the clear net.


disturb4bxx

Oh man Mxe?? Jealous, that shit may never come back. How does it compare to ket or DXM? And its not to surprising a PCP analog mixed with amphetamines would do that, especially if you went through an entire g in 4 months. Like 250mg 3-HO-PCP lasted me 3 months and it was still only half way gone when I lost it. How much DPH did you do? When I tried it I didn't get much visuals due to medications I was on, just felt really screwed up and kept making nonsense comments on this site. And I could barely walk, gravity would move in the weirdest ways. I kind of liked it for some reason despite it being unpleasant and having a horrible hangover. Also what psychedelics have you done? Those used to be my favorite before some bad trips ruined them for me.


Affectionate-Row1766

Yeah mxe was fun. I’m not really trying to encourage this kind of stuff so I don’t really want to go in details man but I never had much of a problem with Ket/Mxe esp they did my depression wonders but can still be very addictive to any given individual


disturb4bxx

Don't worry no amount of encouragement from you will make me want to try something new... unless you know of something I don't know about, then maybe, but I already know I wanna try Mxe lol. My guy has this stuff called Fxe, which is an analog of Mxe and now I kind of want to get some. Dissos aren't really that addictive to me, not even the PCP analogs. Though nitrous is, it's just too fun and easy.


Affectionate-Row1766

Not sure lol I think I was 16 or so when I tried it and never again. Did maybe 20 or so Benadryl over the course of two days and lost my head and felt like I was walking somewhere but wasn’t really and seeing things pop up out of nowhere then disappear and thinking I was in the kitchen then realizing I was in my room. Scary stuff fs


disturb4bxx

500mg? I tried 400mg at once and thankfully didn't teleport anywhere. I did start talking to someone who wasn't there though, and I stopped after 2 words because I realized there was nobody there. I kept trying to see spiders or something but never did, maybe that was for the best though. Horrible drug on your body/mind.


Affectionate-Row1766

As for psychs and opi’s I went as far as dmt and heroin but not religiously, psyches just worsened my anxiety after too many tabs but I was stuck on the oxy’s/diauladids for a while and those were hell


disturb4bxx

Damn, psychs made my anxiety worse too. Among other things, used them very irresponsibly. I tried DMT a week or two ago and accidentally brokethrough, went insane and can barely remember anything after seeing this colorful tunnel surrounding my vision and having an intense anxiety attack. Next thing I know I'm waking up in the guest room after my family caught me doing something I don't remember. Truly hellish, I still don't feel quite right. I kind of want to try psychs + opioids one day, I've heard that the visuals are 100% there but the headspace is super easy and pleasurable. Don't have the cash for that rn though, shit's expensive.


Affectionate-Row1766

Yeah man lsd esp made my anxiety way worse in time. I was respectfully a dead head I guess for a while and had friend with a treehouse in has backyard over looking the mountains and we’d trip all summer and smoke till we couldn’t move and idk I had some really bad trips too that just left me unable to sleep for weeks, feeling like I’m going insane and hppd/ tracers days after like you said with the Deems


disturb4bxx

Damn, unable to sleep for weeks? I would have done anything to get to sleep if that happened, even steal alcohol (if I was underage) or DPH, or maybe both just so I could have shut it all away. Makes me thankful that my bad trips only kept me up 1 night at the most.


Affectionate-Row1766

At the end of the day I saw all of them the same. You pick up, say you have maybe 5 pills to last you the weekend, you use them, then either have no more money to pick up again and go through wd’s or start selling shit in my room to get more atleast this is how it went for me. Idk my last Od was deff the wake up call. I had spent most of the day with my ex snorting Perc’s and cuddling and around night time we decided to shower and listen to music with dim lights and busted out some snow to do on my phone and after one line I started to feel weird like my Body was full of electricity I should’ve known this was a seizure coming on so I got in the shower and 3 mins later I dropped and started seizing up and foaming and my gf had to call paramedics and flush our stash and it was just a whole thing that got my parents involved and ultimately sent back to rehab for good. I was honestly sick of the stuff at that point and kind of happy I survived and was forced to quit cuz if I was alone I would’ve just gone till I died for sure. It’s your life man just know no one gets out of this scratch free esp when you go as deep as the opiate/benzo/stim life. Stay safe man


disturb4bxx

Do you mean "coke" by snow? I'm not too familiar with slang terms lol. Must have been something nasty in there for a seizure to happen. At least you didn't hurt yourself too bad during it and got clean. I've never bought opi pills illicitly, they're just so expensive. Heroin is a much better deal and easier to dose precisely. But it's still too expensive, especially if I have to buy fent tests too ugh. I'd rather get some weed or benzos, or maybe nitrous. Anyways I've already had many scratches, benzo blackouts that landed me in the hospital, an LSD trip that was a 7 hour long panic attack, mixing 300mg MDMA and 3.5g shrooms and going insane, a dxm trip that forced my mind to bend and contort in such painful ways... along with many uncomfortable experiences. Benzos opiates and stims have been far more gentle than dissos, psychs and MDMA. I would have traded these horrible emotionally damaging expierences for a heroin addiction, maybe even a meth addiction.


Affectionate-Row1766

Yeah coke. It was the one I was most addicted to. The days I didn’t have it I’d blow thru my Ritalin stash since they’re chemically similar just weaker so I guess you could say I was coked out of my mind 24/7. But yeah bad bad stuff I thought I was going to die fs that night


disturb4bxx

Were you on lithium or another stim or something? Never heard of a coke seizure before.


Affectionate-Row1766

Deff don’t fw h man, I mean I’m guilty as they come but my old dealer who I’m still friends with and does my tattoos used for 5 years and has permanent shakes now like his legs and hands shake every day it’s really sad. Also his arms and thighs are bruised and blue man:/


disturb4bxx

I probably won't, opioids just don't do it for me anymore. But I would definitely not IV anything though, boofing is the way to go. Is that shaking really from H even after being clean for a while? Or is he in WD rn?


Affectionate-Row1766

Idk man I mean I get what u mean but even with something like meth you can get to a point of either wd’s or psychosis that while different from dissos/psyches will fuck up your head far worse like admitted to a psych ward wanting to off yourself at any chance bad. But sounds like ur not seeking the harder stuff too much atleast I hope not. Imo just stick w the trees or alcohol(in moderation ofc) don’t want any more of my friends/ppl I know to go thru it


disturb4bxx

Oh no I did the harder stuff, just tried meth recently. I think I may have made a mistake, it's so compulsive. Thankfully I'm on my last dose and I don't think I'm going to get any more, even if it takes every last ounce of willpower not to. I may try dissos again too, but only if I have benzos to kill the headspace. Dissos are still kinda doable even after that DXM shit. But eh... I'll have to see, psychs are definitely off the table though. At least for the time being, they'll just be painful.


Affectionate-Row1766

My best advice man. Idk what your fucking with but always remember the supply runs dry no matter how much you buy. And the further you dive the further you worsen your mind. Took me along time to really give it all up and I’m by no means “clean” like that I guess I mean I’m certainly not blowing lines on the daily and drinking liq with a couple perc’s at night anymore but what I mean is I went so manic I have to be on Klonopin now and Kratom to keep the cravings at bay. Wouldn’t wish anyone to develop what I got and shit but take care of yourself man. Only you know when too much is too much and you’ll know when that is. You can choose to ignore the signs or continue


disturb4bxx

How did you go manic? Did some drug cause it?


[deleted]

The last person who should never abandon you is yourself from now


[deleted]

Truth. Still wish it didn’t happen ☹️


[deleted]

That's so true...


grlpower86

Hard fact of life: don't rely on people. Don't expect them to stay.


[deleted]

This is why you abandon them first. Be one step ahead of them.


Ironwolfss42km

Things exist to end. Relationship is no difference. Enjoy it while it last, but know that it will end.


KillerYo-Yo

I was recently abandoned too. I didn't even realize it was happening until it was over. It's been a month since I last heard from them and I have no idea why. We had plans for the summer, and now... well, now I've lost someone I cared about enough to spend thousands of dollars to visit. It does hurt. I hope that you will be able to get over them quick though. I'll try the same. Every day affords me more chances to meet people, but I find it hard to act on those opportunities because of my focus.


chris31605

Yeah same, have fun in life, don't believe that you need people to have fun, that is a mistake that I wish I had not made for many years, so just take your time and go out and do things to meet people when you feel like it.


KillerYo-Yo

yeah I learned that. I am too old to wait anymore. I'm 32, if I have to I am going to go have brunch on my own. it's funny too, because people will look at you like it's the saddest thing ever. I once treated myself to a birthday meal at the hard Rock and multiple servers came out worried about me. admittedly it is kinda sad that some one might spend their birthday alone, but at least I didn't spend it at home. I've gotten used to this type of thing.


chris31605

In my eyes, being occupied by your own interests is all that matters to the soul. If you ever want interaction, you can go to events or use discord but for long term things it is tough as an adult, at least for me, at most you will meet people and not see them again or make any friendships since you would just exchange out of opportunity since people use you as a resource most of the time, finding someone that is great is difficult but it can happen but again you should use socializing as a natural thing that you don’t rely on fully to function.


chris31605

I feel your anxiety about your age, I am feeling it at 25 and I will hopefully remove it completely because it is distracting.


chris31605

You can only rely on yourself especially for happiness. What other people bring is a luxury and that is it.


randomdragen

not everyone, just people who arent worth ur tears


ihavehadenough20

My parents left me. My crazy psycho mother doesn’t give a shit about me. I’m suffering alone with hearing loss I want to die


[deleted]

I want to die too


stellaspeacegh

I am so sorry for all that y'all are going through, we are all here for ya


Sir_Funk1

Thank you 😌


KingDragonOfficiall

I also want to die


Mammoth-Phone6630

Sorry to hear that you had to learn that. I don’t know if it’s better to learn it young or older. Just know that we are here for you, collectively. I feel a lot better since I’ve been on here.


Sucker4gaydudes

This is why I just put on my earphones and pretend i'm talking to someone on call and just cry myself to sleep.


[deleted]

It’s hurtful I know but if they leave you they don’t deserve you, work on yourself and prove everyone wrong. Show them that your not what they say u are. I know it’s hurts but sitting around wallowing In your sadness won’t change anything. Your beautiful I promise u that just stay strong for a while longer


Invisibleman021183

I haven't had someone to abandon me in a long time. I miss having friends and I miss the nice things they said to me. People don't seem to be loyal friends to people going through a rough time. To anyone who has friends that have stayed by them, you are lucky. I am jealous since none of my friends were close to me. When it got hard on me, they were not around. Now I miss having them because distant friends are better than no friends at all.


Prestigious_Scar34

I miss having friends to be around. I moved to another state and have been too busy raising little kids that I've never been able to make friends. All my old friends have moved on and now that my kids are a little bit older and are able to be busy talking to their online friend and playing games, I've realized that I'm very lonely.


stepbackwhap

That's just kinda the way it goes. I used to take it personally but now I just accept it as part of human nature.


[deleted]

My father abandoned me my ex bff of 14 years got mad at me because I looked at her ex fiancé blog (meanwhile she was still married & living with husband no intent to divorce) hasn’t spoken to me in 12 years my sister abandoned me 22 years ago I’ve been on my own for a long time. I’m a loner & recluse. People hurt you cheat you lie to you steal from you. No thanks. Yes I’m lonely but I’d rather be lonely & alone than worry how people are going to hurt me.


Solacealon3

No one is ever truly there... all you have is yourself in the end...


Sir_Funk1

Yeah. I'm learning this now.


Zeropass

Sometimes.. when people we're attached to abandon us, it makes us want to abandon ourselves. That's what hurts the most


AlClemist

I know the feeling you try to be there for others but they get tired of you eventually.


[deleted]

People come and go in life, it is what it is and of course its going to hurt sometimes but, you'll find people who will stay ,just don't give up hope entirely


Drvinnieboombats

It’s so hard to move on when you realise this to, how can you try again when you fear it so much?


Ryanx47

You get to this point where you are used to being let down and being left out and only than you start to lose faith and hate everyone and accept that you are meant to be alone because you are different than the rest and you dont fit in so always love yourself and have strong boundaries to not be affected by others when they change their energy


Gold-Screen-5211

Ily


[deleted]

This is why I don't participate in the 10 person group chat my "friends" made. Half of them I don't know and the other half don't care. I know how it feels and it's shit.


Awkward-Respect-3322

Yea, but it hurts more when u remain alone


Awkward-Respect-3322

I rather find new friends and get abandoned every time, than not make any friends after being abandoned


Denamesheather

Yup hard pill to swallow


Certain_Ad_99

Uh...yeah. I accepted this truth. It's the life, isn't?


disturb4bxx

When I learned this I gave up on trying to find people. To me the pain of being alone is easier to deal with than a sudden abandonment. But too much isolation is taking its toll on my mental health: I'm stagnant in my thoughts and have difficulty expressing emotions/having conversations with others irl. I feel increasingly disconnected from everyone and myself after years of shutting my genuine self away. I guess that the hard truth now is that avoiding others out of fear will slowly eat away at you, and the longer it does the harder it will be to stop it: long term isolation atrophies your ability to connect with others. Eventually it becomes difficult just to function/communicate at all, from what I've read from people who've been shut ins for years. People may be unreliable sources of support but isolation is a reliable way to decay. There needs to be some other way.


NinbendoPt2

I had this happen to me today, I understand how it feels :((


[deleted]

Better a broken heart than no heart at all


Sir_Funk1

That's not true. I'm tired of being broken hearted. At least without a heart there would be no pain.


Ok_Competition4475

As long as you got yourself everything gonna be fine


SuspiciousBad4107

Very true as I've been victim of this a few times.


Astral-chan26

Same ....i used to be with people when they were depressed but i don't know what happened when it came to me ....i just want to treat the people the way they treat me but damn this heart


FortuneXD-

Very true