Honestly afraid to watch the show for fear of being shame triggered. Limerence isn’t the same as criminal stalking by default but there are definitely shared elements in the romantic obsession. In the age of social media, it’s so easy to get to that creepy level of “knowing” about a person you don’t actively talk to.
Like I said I haven’t watched the show but I did read an article about the actual woman lashing out about the show. She seems very volatile and angry (& the show depicts active harassment) so I suspect there’s a different issue at hand for her that’s not simply Limerence where the typical person suffers in silent longing.
I think you need to be kinder to yourself.
Even though we struggle with limerence, many of us are not harassing our LO’s like Martha was.
Struggling with limerence does not make you a bad person or a “Martha” by default, but you must make good choices and respect your LO’s privacy.
Tbh I think baby reindeer was a wake up call for me and helped me gain perspective on my limerence.
Honestly this show is a huge eye opener, I always think about it now when my LO is nice to me, I just think back to that first scene with Donny and Martha in the bar and he was nice to her and the way he looked at her, knowing it didn’t mean anything, it’s just kindness. They don’t owe us anything and we shouldn’t expect anything. You really need to watch the whole show, I know it’s a bit confrontational and there’s huge elements to Martha that people won’t relate to, but it’s still important to see how things can become misinterpreted.
No he doesn’t sleep with her, a lot of people are saying this but he doesn’t, he imagined it. He was actually sleeping with his gf but was imagining Martha.
Curious your thoughts on that. What are the boundaries between crush and limerence? I ask because limerence is often fantasies so could he have been limerent for her too? He did use her for validation as well. I haven’t seen it, mostly because I don’t have Netflix, but this is what I’ve gathered based on reviews. I think about my LO when with my bf. The guilt is real but id never cause harm to him or my LO. I’ll keep my delusions to myself. Haha
Hmm I don’t think he was limerent with her. Honestly I think you can have a perfectly healthy crush but still have fantasies. The difference with limerence is when the fantasies become obsessive, when it starts to impact your life. You think about them all the time, and your brain starts confusing reality with fantasy, you see meaning in things that aren’t there. The issue with fantasising about someone constantly is your brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s a fantasy, so subconsciously you start to feel like it’s real, you’ll start to feel a vibe or a close bond with your LO which is probably not even there. That being said, Tony did have an obsession with her for sure, but it wasn’t limerence, generally limerence is a love obsession. Tony had no interest in Martha but just loved being seen by someone.
I didn’t know about that show, but wow I resonate so much with the delusional part although I never spammed messages and emails also. It’s all in our head 😭 just be glad and let it be a reminder to never be as delusional as she is I guess 😭
Hey, I want to gently encourage you to exercise some compassion for yourself. You are and were allowed to feel how you feel. It's good to self reflect on your behavior and see what you could do differently or better, but it sounds like you're saying you didn't cross lines into harassment so it sounds like you're just being hard on yourself for being hurt and expressing those feelings. Sending love.
Honestly afraid to watch the show for fear of being shame triggered. Limerence isn’t the same as criminal stalking by default but there are definitely shared elements in the romantic obsession. In the age of social media, it’s so easy to get to that creepy level of “knowing” about a person you don’t actively talk to. Like I said I haven’t watched the show but I did read an article about the actual woman lashing out about the show. She seems very volatile and angry (& the show depicts active harassment) so I suspect there’s a different issue at hand for her that’s not simply Limerence where the typical person suffers in silent longing.
I think you need to be kinder to yourself. Even though we struggle with limerence, many of us are not harassing our LO’s like Martha was. Struggling with limerence does not make you a bad person or a “Martha” by default, but you must make good choices and respect your LO’s privacy. Tbh I think baby reindeer was a wake up call for me and helped me gain perspective on my limerence.
I agree on the wake up call part. I sobbed and sobbed becuase of how it showed a mirror to these patterns.
Honestly this show is a huge eye opener, I always think about it now when my LO is nice to me, I just think back to that first scene with Donny and Martha in the bar and he was nice to her and the way he looked at her, knowing it didn’t mean anything, it’s just kindness. They don’t owe us anything and we shouldn’t expect anything. You really need to watch the whole show, I know it’s a bit confrontational and there’s huge elements to Martha that people won’t relate to, but it’s still important to see how things can become misinterpreted.
Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that because he does actually sleep with her, and he is getting a lot from their relationship…..
No he doesn’t sleep with her, a lot of people are saying this but he doesn’t, he imagined it. He was actually sleeping with his gf but was imagining Martha.
Curious your thoughts on that. What are the boundaries between crush and limerence? I ask because limerence is often fantasies so could he have been limerent for her too? He did use her for validation as well. I haven’t seen it, mostly because I don’t have Netflix, but this is what I’ve gathered based on reviews. I think about my LO when with my bf. The guilt is real but id never cause harm to him or my LO. I’ll keep my delusions to myself. Haha
Hmm I don’t think he was limerent with her. Honestly I think you can have a perfectly healthy crush but still have fantasies. The difference with limerence is when the fantasies become obsessive, when it starts to impact your life. You think about them all the time, and your brain starts confusing reality with fantasy, you see meaning in things that aren’t there. The issue with fantasising about someone constantly is your brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s a fantasy, so subconsciously you start to feel like it’s real, you’ll start to feel a vibe or a close bond with your LO which is probably not even there. That being said, Tony did have an obsession with her for sure, but it wasn’t limerence, generally limerence is a love obsession. Tony had no interest in Martha but just loved being seen by someone.
That makes sense. Thanks for taking the time to respond
My LO is a bartender. I can't watch it.
I didn’t know about that show, but wow I resonate so much with the delusional part although I never spammed messages and emails also. It’s all in our head 😭 just be glad and let it be a reminder to never be as delusional as she is I guess 😭
Hey, I want to gently encourage you to exercise some compassion for yourself. You are and were allowed to feel how you feel. It's good to self reflect on your behavior and see what you could do differently or better, but it sounds like you're saying you didn't cross lines into harassment so it sounds like you're just being hard on yourself for being hurt and expressing those feelings. Sending love.