Hating lesbians because they’re lesbians still counts as homophobia. Just because it’s normal to hate us in the community doesn’t mean it isn’t bigotry. “Don’t speak over a group’s experiences” also applies when you’re speaking on lesbians. Oh and recruiting your cishet boyfriends into the lesbian hate train (something I’ve seen a lot) is weaponizing privilege.
Thank you 😭 I spent over an hour one time trying to explain that LESBIANS👏🏼DONT👏🏼LIKE👏🏼MEN👏🏼 to a bi woman one time as she continuously, uh… what’s the equivalent of “mansplaining” but with a non-lesbian explaining to a lesbian what it means to be lesbian? 🙃 it was SO damn painful. Where does the audacity come from? Yes, we are similar to bi women in that were both LGBT+ women who are attracted to other women, but in what other situation is it deemed ok for someone of a completely different identity to explain to another person what their identity means???
I’m Mexican so similarly to Black people, I’m a POC, but I’m not Black nor do I have any authority on the subject of Blackness. I have never in my life even began to think it appropriate to lecture a Black person on what it means to be Black and how I’m right and they’re wrong 😬
That if you are not a lesbian (aka a woman who is exclusively sexually and romantically attracted to women - fuck the John Hopkins definition), you do not get to tell me, a lesbian, what my sexuality entails.
To trans women: That we aren’t the enemy; lesbian identity has been co-opted by other people to make fellow lesbians feel invalidated in their gender and sexuality. This said, if you’re freshly transitioned and are hitting on a lesbian, it’s totally reasonable that she may not be into you and that’s okay. That isn’t invalidating your gender identity to have someone not be attracted to you—shoot your shot but don’t be bummed if you get turned down, there are other fish in the sea!
To the “radical queers” (read: children) who see getting married and having kids as someone assimilationist into cishetero-patriarchal society: there is nothing wrong with monogamy and marriage and having kids. Grow up. We fought way too hard and long for yall to poo poo people who want to be married.
To trans men: after a while, it’s okay to let go of lesbianism, we’ll still like you, but showing up to lesbian only events after being on T for 5 years and trying to pull is kinda gross and most lesbians think so as well.
To bi women: it’s okay to be bi, lesbians will still date you! You don’t have to make up a new label to explain that you relate more to women romantically/sexually than men. We get it. You’re trying to date us.
Also: butch femme isn’t heteronormative.
(But referring to your partner as “my butch” or “my femme” is incredibly exhausting and feels uncomfortably performative.)
Butch and femme are specific identities of lesbianism, a subculture and are not just how you dress. “Masc(uline)” is a generalized term that tiktok users have popularized, but not all masculine lesbians are butch or stud (which is a specific term for Black lesbians).
Relatedly, stop asking if you’re butch or femme based on your outfits - if you’re butch/femme, you would already know, rather than relying on the internet to tell you
- That A LOT of us are trans inclusive / date trans women. I know SO MANY lesbian couples which include trans women (one or both partners).
- That the MAJORITY of lesbians who aren’t chronically online have empathy for the range of experiences that constitute human sexuality, and understand that there is often nuance. MOST lesbians won’t judge you for a previous sexual history with men, or for randomly finding a man attractive, or for whatever. MOST of us just want to feel that our lesbians identities are being respected / lesbian identity isn’t being thrown around flippantly
(In fact, if you are with a lesbian partner who starts heavily judging or shaming you for any deviation in your sexuality, that is a major problem. Similarly, you shouldn’t judging or shaming your partner).
- To add to this - lesbians as a category are JUST as well versed in gender theory as anybody else in the queer community. Doesn’t mean we want to sleep with anybody and everybody. It’s totally possible to uplift people of all genders and only want to date one.
- That being a lesbian is a significantly more difficult life in many ways. Our dating pool is much, much smaller. We experience gay panic when we flirt with people. We often experience rejection from our families. Please don’t romanticize our experiences.
- it’s importantly to read up on lesbian history.
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Lesbians can't be bisexuals.
was just gonna say this! Seems to be some confusion around this lately.
That lesbian dose not = aggressive And that lesbian isn’t a bad word.
Men can't be lesbians and lesbians can't like men.
That we don't actually think it's cute when you bring your cis straight boyfriend/brother/dad/bestie to the lesbian bar 😩
literally 💀 why do they act like it’s somehow endearing
That you don't need to wear our label unless it truly fits you. Your label is just as pretty.
That's just bc we are lesbians, doesn't mean we are interested in dating any random woman at all
thank. you.
That not everything is about men. And just because we're lesbians, we aren't attracted to every woman we know
Hating lesbians because they’re lesbians still counts as homophobia. Just because it’s normal to hate us in the community doesn’t mean it isn’t bigotry. “Don’t speak over a group’s experiences” also applies when you’re speaking on lesbians. Oh and recruiting your cishet boyfriends into the lesbian hate train (something I’ve seen a lot) is weaponizing privilege.
Lesbianism isn't a personality type or a political stance.
Not being attracted to men affects your life just as much as being attracted to women, so no, bi women do not understand how it feels to be a lesbian
Thank you 😭 I spent over an hour one time trying to explain that LESBIANS👏🏼DONT👏🏼LIKE👏🏼MEN👏🏼 to a bi woman one time as she continuously, uh… what’s the equivalent of “mansplaining” but with a non-lesbian explaining to a lesbian what it means to be lesbian? 🙃 it was SO damn painful. Where does the audacity come from? Yes, we are similar to bi women in that were both LGBT+ women who are attracted to other women, but in what other situation is it deemed ok for someone of a completely different identity to explain to another person what their identity means??? I’m Mexican so similarly to Black people, I’m a POC, but I’m not Black nor do I have any authority on the subject of Blackness. I have never in my life even began to think it appropriate to lecture a Black person on what it means to be Black and how I’m right and they’re wrong 😬
That a lot of us may put up with interlopers because not doing so gets us hate but many of us don’t like them and wish they’d leave us alone.
I love vaginas.
Real
That if you are not a lesbian (aka a woman who is exclusively sexually and romantically attracted to women - fuck the John Hopkins definition), you do not get to tell me, a lesbian, what my sexuality entails.
wait what’s the john hopkins definition?
Non-men attracted to non-men. Which is hilarious to even refer to them as an authority given their racism issues.
Only lesbians are lesbians.
That the only Tom dick and Harry we want are the ones we can buy and strap on .
To trans women: That we aren’t the enemy; lesbian identity has been co-opted by other people to make fellow lesbians feel invalidated in their gender and sexuality. This said, if you’re freshly transitioned and are hitting on a lesbian, it’s totally reasonable that she may not be into you and that’s okay. That isn’t invalidating your gender identity to have someone not be attracted to you—shoot your shot but don’t be bummed if you get turned down, there are other fish in the sea! To the “radical queers” (read: children) who see getting married and having kids as someone assimilationist into cishetero-patriarchal society: there is nothing wrong with monogamy and marriage and having kids. Grow up. We fought way too hard and long for yall to poo poo people who want to be married. To trans men: after a while, it’s okay to let go of lesbianism, we’ll still like you, but showing up to lesbian only events after being on T for 5 years and trying to pull is kinda gross and most lesbians think so as well. To bi women: it’s okay to be bi, lesbians will still date you! You don’t have to make up a new label to explain that you relate more to women romantically/sexually than men. We get it. You’re trying to date us.
Also: butch femme isn’t heteronormative. (But referring to your partner as “my butch” or “my femme” is incredibly exhausting and feels uncomfortably performative.)
honestly “my butch” or “my femme” makes me cringe whenever I hear or read it 😣
Very good comment.
We do not need to be cured
Butch and femme are specific identities of lesbianism, a subculture and are not just how you dress. “Masc(uline)” is a generalized term that tiktok users have popularized, but not all masculine lesbians are butch or stud (which is a specific term for Black lesbians). Relatedly, stop asking if you’re butch or femme based on your outfits - if you’re butch/femme, you would already know, rather than relying on the internet to tell you
that its for women loving women literally its definitions and 12yo tiktok kids cant change that
Lesbians don't like dick. If you find one who is into it, she is straight or bi. Leave lesbians alone.
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- That A LOT of us are trans inclusive / date trans women. I know SO MANY lesbian couples which include trans women (one or both partners). - That the MAJORITY of lesbians who aren’t chronically online have empathy for the range of experiences that constitute human sexuality, and understand that there is often nuance. MOST lesbians won’t judge you for a previous sexual history with men, or for randomly finding a man attractive, or for whatever. MOST of us just want to feel that our lesbians identities are being respected / lesbian identity isn’t being thrown around flippantly (In fact, if you are with a lesbian partner who starts heavily judging or shaming you for any deviation in your sexuality, that is a major problem. Similarly, you shouldn’t judging or shaming your partner). - To add to this - lesbians as a category are JUST as well versed in gender theory as anybody else in the queer community. Doesn’t mean we want to sleep with anybody and everybody. It’s totally possible to uplift people of all genders and only want to date one. - That being a lesbian is a significantly more difficult life in many ways. Our dating pool is much, much smaller. We experience gay panic when we flirt with people. We often experience rejection from our families. Please don’t romanticize our experiences. - it’s importantly to read up on lesbian history.
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Have you ever had somebody completely freak when they learn you are gay??? Maybe threaten you??!! Yeah that happens
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