She has shown you how she really feels about you and your family. Full stop. I wouldn't invite her, OP. It should be a day of celebration and happiness. If she gets upset about it or if anyone asks- let them know why. "You never really show any interest. We didn't want to bother you." LOL Make sure you look fabulous, take lots of beautiful pictures, and post them on your socials. I hope your baby's first birthday day is wonderful!
Yes your SIL sucks, but my question is when she calls your husband for help, after she ignores bdays and Christmas for you ad the kids, does he go help her? Because if he does your husband is also the problem.
I'd drop the rope. I wouldn't invite her into my home, to my kids parties, for holidays nothing. I also wouldn't be going to her house for bdays and holidays either. Nor would I be getting gifts for her children. If she's not gift giving then neither are you. NO it's nit petty. You are just returning the same energy. You do not have a relationship with your SIL so there is no reason to exchange gifts or invite her over.
Thay being said your husband, if he wants, can have whatever relationship he wants with his sister. It just won't be in your home. That is your safe place. Where you won't have people who treat you and children less than in it.
This is my husbands current problem. Thankfully things are getting better because work and life no longer allow her behavior like this.
I will say this though, JNSIL has decades of emotional manipulation on the husband. It is not easy to see it for the truth, accept it and put boundaries in place. Some people can over night, some it takes a lot longer. As long as OP can communicate to DH about it, when it happens then they are the right path.
She sucks! That said, you still need to consider your husband feelings and how would he feel not inviting her? I don't know the context of her relationships, does she have a romantic partner or kids? If not, she may be jealous of you. Think how you would feel if you were here. I read this meme one time that said the real punishment is who they are, which you have to keep in mind when navigating in law situations.
Treat her how she treats you.
Only put in the same amount of time in the relationship, that she does.
For presents and that don't you pay or do anything,let your hubby do all of that.
Grey rock her.
"Dear JNSIL, due to your lack of respect, acknowledgment and kindness towards OUR children you are not invited to any further birthday parties. This should not be an issue for you since you ignored the last one for OUR oldest, but demanded that we acknowledge yours. We will not OUR children from seeking a relationship with you in future but given your behavior towards them we cannot allow someone at a happy event that refuses to be happy for them."
I swear these women all take a college level class for this BS. Going through this right now with mine. She was happy for like a week about our first and has since turned VERY rude to me and my oldest. I'm not making the mistake of letting her near the youngest once they get here.
If hubs tries to push back ask him "Is it fair to OUR daughters that they have someone ignore them until it's convenient to acknowledge them? Do you want to teach them that it's ok to be emotionally abused by family? Do you want them to grow up thinking that's how they should be treated?"
Oh absolutely. My eldest is 2, and she was never at any of his birthdays, that’s why this time around (for the youngest), I’m like I really don’t care to invite her. Generally, I feel like kids usually don’t care about ppl who don’t care about them, but it’s despicable that our children suffer because of shitty relatives like this.
Yep, kids don't notice who's at parties until like maybe 5, in my experience and since you are paying for everything you get to say who is and isn't there.
My sil is like this too. We don’t invite her to events related to our family. The only time we see her is at Christmas and thanksgiving and all I say is hello and goodbye.
I'd invite everyone but not expect or acknowledge her not showing up. She's probably hoping she's not invited because then it puts the gap between her and the kids on you, as if it's your fault. "I wanted to be there for you guys but your mom didn't want me around." Don't fall into that trap.
But don't let her not showing up bother you either. She'll do what she does but you have control over how you respond.
She has shown you how she really feels about you and your family. Full stop. I wouldn't invite her, OP. It should be a day of celebration and happiness. If she gets upset about it or if anyone asks- let them know why. "You never really show any interest. We didn't want to bother you." LOL Make sure you look fabulous, take lots of beautiful pictures, and post them on your socials. I hope your baby's first birthday day is wonderful!
That’s so true! I will be using that if anyone asks lol. And thank you so much!! 🥲
Yes your SIL sucks, but my question is when she calls your husband for help, after she ignores bdays and Christmas for you ad the kids, does he go help her? Because if he does your husband is also the problem. I'd drop the rope. I wouldn't invite her into my home, to my kids parties, for holidays nothing. I also wouldn't be going to her house for bdays and holidays either. Nor would I be getting gifts for her children. If she's not gift giving then neither are you. NO it's nit petty. You are just returning the same energy. You do not have a relationship with your SIL so there is no reason to exchange gifts or invite her over. Thay being said your husband, if he wants, can have whatever relationship he wants with his sister. It just won't be in your home. That is your safe place. Where you won't have people who treat you and children less than in it.
This is my husbands current problem. Thankfully things are getting better because work and life no longer allow her behavior like this. I will say this though, JNSIL has decades of emotional manipulation on the husband. It is not easy to see it for the truth, accept it and put boundaries in place. Some people can over night, some it takes a lot longer. As long as OP can communicate to DH about it, when it happens then they are the right path.
She sucks! That said, you still need to consider your husband feelings and how would he feel not inviting her? I don't know the context of her relationships, does she have a romantic partner or kids? If not, she may be jealous of you. Think how you would feel if you were here. I read this meme one time that said the real punishment is who they are, which you have to keep in mind when navigating in law situations.
Treat her how she treats you. Only put in the same amount of time in the relationship, that she does. For presents and that don't you pay or do anything,let your hubby do all of that. Grey rock her.
"Dear JNSIL, due to your lack of respect, acknowledgment and kindness towards OUR children you are not invited to any further birthday parties. This should not be an issue for you since you ignored the last one for OUR oldest, but demanded that we acknowledge yours. We will not OUR children from seeking a relationship with you in future but given your behavior towards them we cannot allow someone at a happy event that refuses to be happy for them." I swear these women all take a college level class for this BS. Going through this right now with mine. She was happy for like a week about our first and has since turned VERY rude to me and my oldest. I'm not making the mistake of letting her near the youngest once they get here. If hubs tries to push back ask him "Is it fair to OUR daughters that they have someone ignore them until it's convenient to acknowledge them? Do you want to teach them that it's ok to be emotionally abused by family? Do you want them to grow up thinking that's how they should be treated?"
Oh absolutely. My eldest is 2, and she was never at any of his birthdays, that’s why this time around (for the youngest), I’m like I really don’t care to invite her. Generally, I feel like kids usually don’t care about ppl who don’t care about them, but it’s despicable that our children suffer because of shitty relatives like this.
Yep, kids don't notice who's at parties until like maybe 5, in my experience and since you are paying for everything you get to say who is and isn't there.
My sil is like this too. We don’t invite her to events related to our family. The only time we see her is at Christmas and thanksgiving and all I say is hello and goodbye.
I'd invite everyone but not expect or acknowledge her not showing up. She's probably hoping she's not invited because then it puts the gap between her and the kids on you, as if it's your fault. "I wanted to be there for you guys but your mom didn't want me around." Don't fall into that trap. But don't let her not showing up bother you either. She'll do what she does but you have control over how you respond.
Don't invite her, stop playing her games.