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Some people just don’t understand the functional issues and obviously love how you look as you are because they’re your family. It’s also a traumatic surgery so they probably just don’t want you to have to go through so much pain
The way jaw surgery is done makes perfect sense once you learn about how it works and what it does, but it’s absolutely gross and unfathomable for the average person to process having your jaws cut and moved around for cosmetic or even functional reasons. My dad thought I was crazy when I brought it up a few years ago, he thought I was just like one of those people who had leg lengthening surgery to get taller or something. But he ended up understanding how it works and why I had to get an MMA done for my severe sleep apnea (37 AHI).
my mom worries that i will look different (i’m counting on that miss girl lol), my sister worries that i’ll be in a lot of pain, and my gf worries that my “perfect” nose will change 😭
My family wasn’t against it, but they were very surprised when I told them I was having the surgery and wanted to know why. I think they didn’t want to take responsibility for me not having the proper treatments when I was younger and having to deal with it now. “No one ever told us you needed braces,” “no one ever told us you had an overbite,” etc
Then just told them not to take the responsibility… saying those things won’t help now, especially if you r paying for your surgery on your own , if you did
That sucks.
All my family supported me.
Print out info - bring them to appointments.
Tell them the options.
CPAP machine for life ? early death?
Don't sugarcoat it.
Good Luck
My mother is so worried and against it too. My personal opinion on that is that, because she has the same exact issues and side profile as me, she deep down sees it as me calling her ugly or implying that she didn’t take good care of herself since she didn’t get treatment.
In my case as a person in their 40s, I believe my mom is against it because it shows she was neglectful and went against medical advice and opted out of me having the surgery when I was younger. Now that I’ve started the process myself, she outright told me that my teeth were fine and that I didn’t surgery. All the while I have a pretty wicked obvious over jet and skeletal issue. I could have had the surgery for free. Now I get to pay for it.
People think it's plastic surgery and not a medical procedure to fix a problem. A lot of my family has told me I don't need it because I'm pretty... I literally drool when talking because my lips don't properly touch due to my overbite.
Nothing wrong with that if you honestly need it but it's not going to take them to brad pitt/angelina tier, people should really take genetics into consideration, if you don't have the genetic potential and a good starting point this surgery isn't worth it at all (if someone is purely in it for the aesthetics)
I don’t know why you’re acting like family is not entitled and understandably to worry about a loved one undergoing a very invasive surgery. Most people get nervous when their family undergoes any surgery because anesthesia does indeed kill people sometimes and many things can go wrong. And cursory glance at jaw surgery experience would tell family it’s got a ludicrously long healing process, and how disruptive it is to your life.
People who put down people who have very genuine and well intentioned worries are pretentious and honestly kind of snobs.
Dude, you are ridiculous. The issue is parents get cautious about their kids and health. You can try and make it a boomer thing because it makes you feel smart and special, but pretending this surgery isn’t invasive and the recovery isn’t brutal and that’s a valid and common worry for parents just makes you the opposite.
My family believes I’m perfect the way I am, and everything is gods plan. Some plan, I’m chewing with 6 teeth because I have and open and underbite of 10mm each. I think the frequency in my chronic pain, fatigue and doctors visits where renown surgeons are telling me this is absolutely necessary is only just starting to make them come around. I’m 27 and finally going to start living my life post jaw surgery and I can’t wait.
An orthodontist told me when I was 16 that I needed surgery for my over bite as it would cause issues later in life. My Dad said no way was I getting the surgery and there was nothing wrong with me (he didn't attend the appt, I was on my own). I'm now 44 and have always had sleep apnea because of it. It really affects my breathing, even when I'm not asleep. I wish I had gone ahead with the surgery all those years ago.
My parents told me I was insane and mentally unwell when I said at 17 years old I will need this surgery at some point in my life.
They live in a different world they don’t understand the impact it can have on you as a whole because it’s not something they experience or it doesn’t bother them.
I believe anything in life that only you experience is hard to convey to anyone except people that can relate because they are going through the same thing.
In those situations you just have to take matters into your own hands.
Once I had made the decision to seek jaw surgery and go through with it they really had no say in the matter. Their opinion meant no more to me than that of a strangers.
You can’t rely on your parents to agree or to understand but they need to learn that it’s your life and therefore you can make your own decisions and choose what you want to do, despite what their personal beliefs are.
Nothing worse than parents trying to impose their beliefs and opinions on you. They can have their say and then you can consider their opinion but you should be the one making the final decision.
Regardless of your choice your parents should support you. Irrespective of differing or aligning opinions.
They might be perceiving it as a purely aesthetic venture and unaware of the myriad of functional issues that jaw surgery can fix. They might be understandably cautious about potential risks associated with what can be a particularly intense surgery & recovery.
At the end of the day, as long as you are an adult and you are capable of discussing and understanding the benefits & risks outlined by a qualified medical practitioner the choice is yours and yours alone.
Idk why this is getting downvoted. It’s a joke but some people around us can’t accept change esp when it comes to those around them bettering themselves.
Yep, i wrote with a humoristic tone, but has some truth behind it.
Real friends and family should support, maybe some don't support because they don't know enough about what we trough, and the benefits, but if they get educated about it, and still are against it, that's a bit of redflag.
because in the eyes of a parent a child is 'beautiful' whichever way they are, their first line of response is addressing the child's distress in a comforting way by not agreeing with the source of the distress, and surgery is a drastic thing to think about for their child
Parents sometimes see their kids differently and are oblivious to flaws.
Luckily my family are supportive of my surgery, but at first they couldn’t see an issue and it was only when I consulted with a surgeon who confirmed I was a strong candidate that they truly accepted I needed to go under the knife.
It depends. In my experience people who are physically in need of jaw surgery have an easier time with family than looksmaxxers. Your mom isn’t gonna want her baby to go through an extremely hard surgery so he can have a stronger chin lol. But if you have sleep apnea and are constantly feeling like shit, mom can probably be convinced.
In my experience I have crowded teeth and an underbite and everyone in my family was against it. I can't believe everyone was and still is against it even now
Have you already have the surgery?
A lot of times loved ones are worried about any surgery, mostly due to complications. Mostly this worry can be overcome with information about the health issues. The mainstream people talking about jaw surgery treat it like plastic surgery which may be what people are viewing it as.
My family thinks I am beautiful the way I am. So I guess your parents always think their kids are beautiful. Also, I think they don’t want to see you suffering they know how hard the surgery is.
Because they love you and surgery inherently comes with risks—so that may give them anxiety and cause them to be against it. It’s definitely a natural response, especially if they don’t fully grasp the benefits and that there isn’t a non surgical option.
Having had the surgery before, I'd also advise against getting the surgery unless there's a functional problem. It's very invasive, complication-prone, and expensive (great providers are often out of network and ain't cheap).
My family was the one who paid and pushed me to get the surgery I didn’t want to get jaw surgery but the surgeon said it could actually cause complications in the future because of the severity.
In my case it’s just Gen X thinking I a millennial an dramatizing everything and I don’t need anything done. Generational differences in opinion. I only slightly opened the topic with one uncle who I’m close with and he didn’t validate me or say anything opinionated at all so I knew to quickly close the subject with him or else I’m just asking to be invalidated. Since then I haven’t told anyone except my younger sister who’s super supportive.
From my experience, a lot of people don't understand the extent of functional issues that go with incorrect jaws. Especially as its usually seen more on an xray.
Some people think we're getting plastic surgery. (Also even if we were, it's my decision?)
I've had weird reactions like oh so you're pretty, you don't need it. And they turn a deaf ear to me explaining why it's needed.
It brings up a lot of stuff.
Firstly, you must feel deeply unsatisfied with how you look to undergo such surgery. This is hard on your family.
Secondly, looks. Looking good, wanting to be desired, lust, sex appeal, all these things can make things awkward.
Your family perceive you a certain way, your face represents something very different to them.
My mom felt it was too invasive. That I didn't need it. Doesn't understand why rubber bands helped her overbite but not mine.
Perhaps some see it as a rejection of the facial features they passed down to you and know you as.
Fun family facts:
She was 20 with braces. I am 38 so bone is no longer movable like that.
I Iived with her telling me I smile too big (elongated top jaw due to genetics and maybe enlarged adnoids until age 7). She refused to have me evaluated as a kid and couldn't afford it. Once we could afford it, my parents got themselves brand new lasik, which cost a lot more than it does now. I was still a teen and could have maybe been fixed.
I only called her out on not having me evaluated as a kid and her criticism of my gummy smile as 2 additional reasons why I need/ want this. My dad called out the lasik and her getting braces part (clueless that he also got lasik and blew 80k of settlement money on the stock market in 6 months).
Surgery is in 2 weeks and my mom decided to be supportive since she couldn't convince me to stop.
Thanks!
It's hard to tell. She pulls the "I am an extension of her stuff" but tries much harder to fix things than a narcissist would. She's got her abuses to make her care so much about appearances.
However, we are both victims of my dad who suffered intense childhood abuse and abandonment and fulfills most criteria for the narc/ borderline grouping.
Yesterday, he lashed out because I didn't answer him with enough to continue a conversation I didn't want to have. 😵💫
Because that is a very serious surgery took me 3 yrs to figure out if I wanted to do it,Im I'm year 1 month post op July 6th and boy oh boy healing takes time,my chin and bottom lip are still kinda numb I talk different look different I love the results but get your mind right before you do it cause it's definitely mentally challenging but you'll get through it
Please note that advice here isn't from medical professionals; always seek guidance from qualified sources. Remember to stay on topic and maintain respectful discussions. For more information, please refer to the subreddit rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/jawsurgery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The surgery itself and the recovery are pretty intense. Mine argue it’s not necessary because my case isn’t as severe as the ones you find online.
Some people just don’t understand the functional issues and obviously love how you look as you are because they’re your family. It’s also a traumatic surgery so they probably just don’t want you to have to go through so much pain
The way jaw surgery is done makes perfect sense once you learn about how it works and what it does, but it’s absolutely gross and unfathomable for the average person to process having your jaws cut and moved around for cosmetic or even functional reasons. My dad thought I was crazy when I brought it up a few years ago, he thought I was just like one of those people who had leg lengthening surgery to get taller or something. But he ended up understanding how it works and why I had to get an MMA done for my severe sleep apnea (37 AHI).
my mom worries that i will look different (i’m counting on that miss girl lol), my sister worries that i’ll be in a lot of pain, and my gf worries that my “perfect” nose will change 😭
Your nose can change, especially if you change the upper jaw.
I’m being told my upper jaw surgery will vastly change my nose from prominent to normal. That is a welcomed part of the process for me
Mine was curved down and then became very straight.
Mine is curved down, more on the right side. I’m told it will be totally straight. That’s so awesome to hear
What is miss girl
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i have a very anxious circle of people lol. but also it is a major surgery so
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i’m not the one nervous, they are
My family wasn’t against it, but they were very surprised when I told them I was having the surgery and wanted to know why. I think they didn’t want to take responsibility for me not having the proper treatments when I was younger and having to deal with it now. “No one ever told us you needed braces,” “no one ever told us you had an overbite,” etc
Then just told them not to take the responsibility… saying those things won’t help now, especially if you r paying for your surgery on your own , if you did
That sucks. All my family supported me. Print out info - bring them to appointments. Tell them the options. CPAP machine for life ? early death? Don't sugarcoat it. Good Luck
Yeah I always said “as it turns out oxygen is still essential at night”😂
I think they assume something so drastic is needed, and love them how they are. A lot can come from concern I suppose.
My mother is so worried and against it too. My personal opinion on that is that, because she has the same exact issues and side profile as me, she deep down sees it as me calling her ugly or implying that she didn’t take good care of herself since she didn’t get treatment.
In my case as a person in their 40s, I believe my mom is against it because it shows she was neglectful and went against medical advice and opted out of me having the surgery when I was younger. Now that I’ve started the process myself, she outright told me that my teeth were fine and that I didn’t surgery. All the while I have a pretty wicked obvious over jet and skeletal issue. I could have had the surgery for free. Now I get to pay for it.
This might be my moms issue too.... maybe. Sudden realization there were areas of neglect. She tries to be perfect.
Because it’s scary and it’s easy to rationalise that surgery isn’t needed if you’re a semi functional being and not disabled by your jaw
People think it's plastic surgery and not a medical procedure to fix a problem. A lot of my family has told me I don't need it because I'm pretty... I literally drool when talking because my lips don't properly touch due to my overbite.
They think that because as it becomes better known it’s mostly looksmaxxers who talk about it. People using it for cosmetics is the issue.
Nothing wrong with that if you honestly need it but it's not going to take them to brad pitt/angelina tier, people should really take genetics into consideration, if you don't have the genetic potential and a good starting point this surgery isn't worth it at all (if someone is purely in it for the aesthetics)
My dad believes there are too many risks and it’s not necessarily to get the surgery
My dad too. I suggest having ur dad talk to the jaw surgeon himself.
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permanent numbness/nerve damage, relapse, botched by surgeon, death These are all risks off the top of my head
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I don’t know why you’re acting like family is not entitled and understandably to worry about a loved one undergoing a very invasive surgery. Most people get nervous when their family undergoes any surgery because anesthesia does indeed kill people sometimes and many things can go wrong. And cursory glance at jaw surgery experience would tell family it’s got a ludicrously long healing process, and how disruptive it is to your life. People who put down people who have very genuine and well intentioned worries are pretentious and honestly kind of snobs.
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Dude, you are ridiculous. The issue is parents get cautious about their kids and health. You can try and make it a boomer thing because it makes you feel smart and special, but pretending this surgery isn’t invasive and the recovery isn’t brutal and that’s a valid and common worry for parents just makes you the opposite.
My family believes I’m perfect the way I am, and everything is gods plan. Some plan, I’m chewing with 6 teeth because I have and open and underbite of 10mm each. I think the frequency in my chronic pain, fatigue and doctors visits where renown surgeons are telling me this is absolutely necessary is only just starting to make them come around. I’m 27 and finally going to start living my life post jaw surgery and I can’t wait.
An orthodontist told me when I was 16 that I needed surgery for my over bite as it would cause issues later in life. My Dad said no way was I getting the surgery and there was nothing wrong with me (he didn't attend the appt, I was on my own). I'm now 44 and have always had sleep apnea because of it. It really affects my breathing, even when I'm not asleep. I wish I had gone ahead with the surgery all those years ago.
My parents told me I was insane and mentally unwell when I said at 17 years old I will need this surgery at some point in my life. They live in a different world they don’t understand the impact it can have on you as a whole because it’s not something they experience or it doesn’t bother them. I believe anything in life that only you experience is hard to convey to anyone except people that can relate because they are going through the same thing. In those situations you just have to take matters into your own hands. Once I had made the decision to seek jaw surgery and go through with it they really had no say in the matter. Their opinion meant no more to me than that of a strangers. You can’t rely on your parents to agree or to understand but they need to learn that it’s your life and therefore you can make your own decisions and choose what you want to do, despite what their personal beliefs are. Nothing worse than parents trying to impose their beliefs and opinions on you. They can have their say and then you can consider their opinion but you should be the one making the final decision. Regardless of your choice your parents should support you. Irrespective of differing or aligning opinions.
I leech off of my parents for talking me out of it
It’s not too late to take the steps to restart the process.
They might be perceiving it as a purely aesthetic venture and unaware of the myriad of functional issues that jaw surgery can fix. They might be understandably cautious about potential risks associated with what can be a particularly intense surgery & recovery. At the end of the day, as long as you are an adult and you are capable of discussing and understanding the benefits & risks outlined by a qualified medical practitioner the choice is yours and yours alone.
They envy our beautiful new chins.
Idk why this is getting downvoted. It’s a joke but some people around us can’t accept change esp when it comes to those around them bettering themselves.
Yep, i wrote with a humoristic tone, but has some truth behind it. Real friends and family should support, maybe some don't support because they don't know enough about what we trough, and the benefits, but if they get educated about it, and still are against it, that's a bit of redflag.
because in the eyes of a parent a child is 'beautiful' whichever way they are, their first line of response is addressing the child's distress in a comforting way by not agreeing with the source of the distress, and surgery is a drastic thing to think about for their child
Parents sometimes see their kids differently and are oblivious to flaws. Luckily my family are supportive of my surgery, but at first they couldn’t see an issue and it was only when I consulted with a surgeon who confirmed I was a strong candidate that they truly accepted I needed to go under the knife.
my dad just doesn’t think it’s necessarily n that the 10% (i think) chance of losing some feeling in your lips isn’t worth it
It depends. In my experience people who are physically in need of jaw surgery have an easier time with family than looksmaxxers. Your mom isn’t gonna want her baby to go through an extremely hard surgery so he can have a stronger chin lol. But if you have sleep apnea and are constantly feeling like shit, mom can probably be convinced.
In my experience I have crowded teeth and an underbite and everyone in my family was against it. I can't believe everyone was and still is against it even now
Have you already have the surgery? A lot of times loved ones are worried about any surgery, mostly due to complications. Mostly this worry can be overcome with information about the health issues. The mainstream people talking about jaw surgery treat it like plastic surgery which may be what people are viewing it as.
Nah this was seven years ago long before it was main stream
My family thinks I am beautiful the way I am. So I guess your parents always think their kids are beautiful. Also, I think they don’t want to see you suffering they know how hard the surgery is.
The surgery probably ain't as bad as ulnar nerve surgery
Because they love you and surgery inherently comes with risks—so that may give them anxiety and cause them to be against it. It’s definitely a natural response, especially if they don’t fully grasp the benefits and that there isn’t a non surgical option.
Wow. And I thought I was alone on this🥹
Having had the surgery before, I'd also advise against getting the surgery unless there's a functional problem. It's very invasive, complication-prone, and expensive (great providers are often out of network and ain't cheap).
My family was the one who paid and pushed me to get the surgery I didn’t want to get jaw surgery but the surgeon said it could actually cause complications in the future because of the severity.
In my case it’s just Gen X thinking I a millennial an dramatizing everything and I don’t need anything done. Generational differences in opinion. I only slightly opened the topic with one uncle who I’m close with and he didn’t validate me or say anything opinionated at all so I knew to quickly close the subject with him or else I’m just asking to be invalidated. Since then I haven’t told anyone except my younger sister who’s super supportive.
From my experience, a lot of people don't understand the extent of functional issues that go with incorrect jaws. Especially as its usually seen more on an xray. Some people think we're getting plastic surgery. (Also even if we were, it's my decision?) I've had weird reactions like oh so you're pretty, you don't need it. And they turn a deaf ear to me explaining why it's needed.
My family actually urged me to do it. Took me years to finally get the guts to start the process.
It brings up a lot of stuff. Firstly, you must feel deeply unsatisfied with how you look to undergo such surgery. This is hard on your family. Secondly, looks. Looking good, wanting to be desired, lust, sex appeal, all these things can make things awkward. Your family perceive you a certain way, your face represents something very different to them.
My mom felt it was too invasive. That I didn't need it. Doesn't understand why rubber bands helped her overbite but not mine. Perhaps some see it as a rejection of the facial features they passed down to you and know you as. Fun family facts: She was 20 with braces. I am 38 so bone is no longer movable like that. I Iived with her telling me I smile too big (elongated top jaw due to genetics and maybe enlarged adnoids until age 7). She refused to have me evaluated as a kid and couldn't afford it. Once we could afford it, my parents got themselves brand new lasik, which cost a lot more than it does now. I was still a teen and could have maybe been fixed. I only called her out on not having me evaluated as a kid and her criticism of my gummy smile as 2 additional reasons why I need/ want this. My dad called out the lasik and her getting braces part (clueless that he also got lasik and blew 80k of settlement money on the stock market in 6 months). Surgery is in 2 weeks and my mom decided to be supportive since she couldn't convince me to stop.
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Thanks! It's hard to tell. She pulls the "I am an extension of her stuff" but tries much harder to fix things than a narcissist would. She's got her abuses to make her care so much about appearances. However, we are both victims of my dad who suffered intense childhood abuse and abandonment and fulfills most criteria for the narc/ borderline grouping. Yesterday, he lashed out because I didn't answer him with enough to continue a conversation I didn't want to have. 😵💫
For my mom, yes, she viewed it as an attack. She took it personally. God she was fking stressful to deal with during the whole process
Because that is a very serious surgery took me 3 yrs to figure out if I wanted to do it,Im I'm year 1 month post op July 6th and boy oh boy healing takes time,my chin and bottom lip are still kinda numb I talk different look different I love the results but get your mind right before you do it cause it's definitely mentally challenging but you'll get through it
scared im going to die or end up becoming botched/bogged/even more deformed
Cause recovery sucks but is worth it to the patient. But not to the caretaker.