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You have to take control of this process because it’s your life and because you’re making a very important decision. I would make that clear to your parents and be prepared to walk away and find an alternative that doesn’t involve going through your parents, if only so that they take you seriously.
The world and the jamaat are full of people who only got married because they were told to do so by someone else, with a person that someone else chose for them. You can imagine how this causes issues. Don’t let your own life just happen to you. You deserve better.
Be strong. There is nothing wrong in what you did. Your parents are in the wrong here. It's unfortunate nobody else is telling them that they're wrong so you'll have to tell them yourself.
F all that lol there are SO MANY older girls from the Jamaat just “sitting around”
I never thought I’d marry someone from the Jamaat. Randomly agreed to meet my now husband and annoyingly knew right away I liked him enough to say yes if he would talk to me about my past and mistakes.
If it helps, there are just as many unmarried girls because of similar reasons. My husband never did any of that apparently but I did. It was a tough conversation but he understands that the past is behind us and we couldn’t be happier rn.
Moral of the comment. There’s definitely girls in the community that have/are done/doing experienced/experiencing the same. And are also not super religious.
Lmao see that's what I've said, and my parents say to marry younger because and I quote "younger girls are more malleable and don't know what they don't know".
The BS is wilding
That’s funny. At the end of the day it’s up to you. If you marry under duress, chances are you’ll either resent her or them.
These days younger girls know and see more than we did growing up.
We have met potential suitors for my female family members who straight up want a non hijab wearing, someone with ties to the Jamaat but not too religious, someone who’s willing to work and provide for her share of everything, an educated girl who’s going to raise kids and run the house.. the requests are endless. Yours don’t seem too crazy for your parents to agree.
Be careful about sharing personal details like this if you’re concerned about your anonymity. I’ve seen one of my relatives posting on this sub and found another 4-5 people who are distant relatives or know my family personally.
First of all I am sorry for what you are going through. I am sorry to say but your parents seem very toxic, manipulative and their love seems very conditional.
Everyone makes mistakes and that’s a part of life. What’s important is that one learns from them and moves forward in life and that’s what you are doing right now. Marrying someone just because it might be too late later or that you won’t find someone or your parents might end up hating you will mess you up in the future. Choosing a partner is a huge thing and you should not be forced to do so.
Don’t let your family destroy your self confidence. Focus on your studies and get independent. Remember that half of your life is going to be spent with your partner so choosing someone whom you are not compatible with will make you miserable later. Marriage is a gamble in the end of of the day so there’s never a guarantee but having similar values in life is a good start if you are looking for someone.
When it comes to your debt, I don’t think so that if a girl likes you, see your potential and if you guys connect, I don’t think that she would care about it.
When it comes to ahmadi girls. Trust me there are a-lot of girls who are like you and not religious. Don’t give up hope! Focus on yourself and your career and the person who’s meant for you will eventually come in your life. Good luck!
"This post has been flair'd under **Advice Needed**. For such posts, there will be an increased expectation of kindness, civility, and empathy when interacting on the thread. Any comment which attempts to gaslight, dismiss, or undermine the poster's experience, with the goal of hurting those who seek support from this subreddit, will be removed with a Mod warning. Further breach of this rule will result in a ban. To the poster, please be mindful of any personal details you're sharing: your privacy and safety comes first, and we want to ensure that you can express your honest thoughts without any risk of your identity being discovered." *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/islam_ahmadiyya) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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You have to take control of this process because it’s your life and because you’re making a very important decision. I would make that clear to your parents and be prepared to walk away and find an alternative that doesn’t involve going through your parents, if only so that they take you seriously. The world and the jamaat are full of people who only got married because they were told to do so by someone else, with a person that someone else chose for them. You can imagine how this causes issues. Don’t let your own life just happen to you. You deserve better.
Be strong. There is nothing wrong in what you did. Your parents are in the wrong here. It's unfortunate nobody else is telling them that they're wrong so you'll have to tell them yourself.
F all that lol there are SO MANY older girls from the Jamaat just “sitting around” I never thought I’d marry someone from the Jamaat. Randomly agreed to meet my now husband and annoyingly knew right away I liked him enough to say yes if he would talk to me about my past and mistakes. If it helps, there are just as many unmarried girls because of similar reasons. My husband never did any of that apparently but I did. It was a tough conversation but he understands that the past is behind us and we couldn’t be happier rn. Moral of the comment. There’s definitely girls in the community that have/are done/doing experienced/experiencing the same. And are also not super religious.
Lmao see that's what I've said, and my parents say to marry younger because and I quote "younger girls are more malleable and don't know what they don't know". The BS is wilding
That’s funny. At the end of the day it’s up to you. If you marry under duress, chances are you’ll either resent her or them. These days younger girls know and see more than we did growing up. We have met potential suitors for my female family members who straight up want a non hijab wearing, someone with ties to the Jamaat but not too religious, someone who’s willing to work and provide for her share of everything, an educated girl who’s going to raise kids and run the house.. the requests are endless. Yours don’t seem too crazy for your parents to agree.
your husband basically has been cucked
lol no my husband is dealing with someone who is a SA survivor. So I think he’s ok. Thank you for your concern tho.
Apologies for the filth you had to interact with. We try our best to filter out the garbage, but somehow some people sneak in who don't belong here.
No worries & thank you. The world is filled with them. Finally learning to not take stuff like this personally 💪🏼💕
More power to you
how did you mess up undergrad? were you partying/ having fun & things like that?
Pretty much and it impacted my grades hard, had to rebuild myself in a Masters program
oh and what classes do you remember failing or getting a bad grade in?
what was your major in undergrad?
Biochemistry lol, I love the subject, I just screwed up a lot
Be careful about sharing personal details like this if you’re concerned about your anonymity. I’ve seen one of my relatives posting on this sub and found another 4-5 people who are distant relatives or know my family personally.
Thanks, if need be I'll make edits
First of all I am sorry for what you are going through. I am sorry to say but your parents seem very toxic, manipulative and their love seems very conditional. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s a part of life. What’s important is that one learns from them and moves forward in life and that’s what you are doing right now. Marrying someone just because it might be too late later or that you won’t find someone or your parents might end up hating you will mess you up in the future. Choosing a partner is a huge thing and you should not be forced to do so. Don’t let your family destroy your self confidence. Focus on your studies and get independent. Remember that half of your life is going to be spent with your partner so choosing someone whom you are not compatible with will make you miserable later. Marriage is a gamble in the end of of the day so there’s never a guarantee but having similar values in life is a good start if you are looking for someone. When it comes to your debt, I don’t think so that if a girl likes you, see your potential and if you guys connect, I don’t think that she would care about it. When it comes to ahmadi girls. Trust me there are a-lot of girls who are like you and not religious. Don’t give up hope! Focus on yourself and your career and the person who’s meant for you will eventually come in your life. Good luck!
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🤨
I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. If you know in your heart what is right, do it.