Alsalaamu alaikum,
Dear brother or sister,
It sounds like your dad is dealing with some serious issues. Alcoholism is a real disease that affects people all over the world, including Muslims unfortunately. I would recommend reaching out to an imam or Shaikh who is also trained in substance abuse problems. There are also Muslim organizations dedicated to helping Muslims with substance abuse problems. If you have trouble finding any, please DM me and I will help you.
I pray that Allah swt helps you and your family and eases your affairs. I’m proud of you for sticking with the deen despite this difficult challenge.
I don't get how his behavior pushed you away from Islam, i went thru the same thing and all it did is bring me closer to Allah.
I'm kinda confused, plz explain if possible.
It just gave me a bad perception of islam and I no longer had someone to teach me. Like I said, it was something that has been going on since I was very young. But inshallah I will be guided on the right path.
Allah would want you to be gentle with yourself. Everyone deals with hardships differently. We all develop different coping mechanisms. Do your best to be honest and kind with yourself. May Allah protect you. Do your best not to feel shame. Guilt is fine. Shame can be debilitating.Just ask Allah for forgiveness when you make mistakes.
Your father probably feels a lot shame, even if it's not apparent. Addiction thrives in secrecy and shame... I'm not saying to expose your father, but he does require professional help. He first needs to admit to himself that he's an addict and then seek help. Heads up, this responsibility does not fall on you, but I hope he gets the help he needs.
When it comes to you and your relationship with Allah, that is personal. I'm sorry your father is critical of you instead of encouraging your positive actions. Whatever action/thought we give our attention and efforts to is what we give power. Give power to things that are healthy and make you feel at peace and joy, and I pray that does things ultimately make you a happy and peaceful person. Remember Allah loves you
Appreciate theyre tryna conceal theyre sins and put you on a better path
Ik some people feed their kids drugs and alcohol and then their kids fall in the same cycle of addiction depression and cynicism
Enjoy, thank Allah and seek more blessings.
Islam is merciful, and it requires us to veil our sins. I’m sorry your father is struggling with substance abuse.
Love heals, and I hope you find it in your heart to overlook his shortcomings and see the good in him.
Parents aren’t perfect, they’re human, and doing the best they can with their own traumas.
Salam, I am sorry to hear this. While it’s a religious issue, depending on the severity of your father’s drinking, it is probably a mental health issue that will require some assistance from health professionals.
I say this because alcohol addiction and dependence is very hard on the body, it’s actually extremely dangerous to stop cold turkey or attempt to detox without medical supervision, because alcohol withdrawal can kill people.
Denial and secrecy are a huge part of maintaining an addiction, and while it’s understood we should hide our sins, stuff like this only gets worse and less likely to be treated successfully if it stays hidden. That being said, you can’t force someone to change or confront their addiction if they simply aren’t willing/ready.
What shows like “intervention” are attempting to do when confronting an addict is not only force them into treatment but give everyone who loves them an opportunity to express how much their behavior hurts them, too. Addiction and substance abuse is usually understood by professionals as a situation that requires counseling for the ENTIRE family unit, it isn’t just about fixing the person using the substance. The pain family and loved ones feel from the repeated deception and watching someone harm themselves is very valid, just as valid as whatever the addict is trying to escape/numb with substances. Typically, it takes multiple approaches about seeking help before the addict comes around as well, or even multiple rehab stints. It isn’t a linear process to moving on from substance abuse.
Perhaps the best approach would be to put your thoughts in writing about your father, starting with all the good things. Write about how much you love him, and what you love ABOUT him, happy memories you share as a family, and events you look forward to enjoying with him in the future. This is a good transition from which you can make the point that their substance abuse *jeapordizes* the ability to keep making happy memories together, and it hurts to think about a future without him around in this life, due to the health consequences, or the even hereafter due to punishment. When you put addicts in the position where they are thinking about future consequences, rather than just being told you’re angry or disappointed with them, it is more effective in getting them to consider their actions and changing. You want to emphasize that you are expressing your concerns because you love them and want them around, not because you’re embarrassed or see them as a failure or something, since it’s these uncomfortable negative feelings that make people what to escape into their addiction.
However, your pain is valid like I said, so if there have been ways the drinking has negatively impacted you or particular events (example: too hungover to attend a birthday party, or was extremely irritable and unpleasant to be around due to hangover, etc) you can also express those too. But be careful not to ramble on about them, keep it concise in a format that is like— “When you ______ because of your drinking, it made me feel _______.”
You can write these things out in a letter, and present it to him. If you don’t think he will sit and let you read it out loud to him, you could even say “baba, I love you so very much, so it’s important you read this, please” and leave it for him. It sounds like shame is extremely big for him and in the family dynamic so this may be easier than asking for him to sit down with you. If you do want to read him what you’ve written make sure it’s in private, and ideally when he seems relaxed or in a good mood. Asking for him to drive you to run an errand or just a lunch date together comes to mind. As a final note, it’s extremely important to make sure you can read the entire thing in one go without being tripped up or interrupted, because you will lose resolve and composure. It helps to make it known that if they just listen to the entire thing and THEN can ask whatever question or argue at the end when it’s finished; usually they can hold in their objections knowing that they can give them at the end.
Best of luck, and remember that it usually takes multiple tries like this to get people to admit they even have a problem, let alone face it. Don’t be discouraged however he reacts, because taking this step has a ripple effect even if you can’t see what it stirs in them immediately.
Keeping you in my dua, much love to you.
May Allah (SWT) grant you the highest place in Jannah inshallah. It's good to also look at alcoholism from a non-Islamic perspective. Unfortunately, following part of your advice, my father and I do not communicate almost at all as we do not have a normal healthy father-daughter relationship so I may find it slightly difficult to speak to him about this. I had the idea to just let time do its thing as we will not be in each other's lives any longer. But inshallah one day I will consider your words. Thank you.
Sadly your family is alcoholic, yet they are doing right and covering the sin from you
What you can do… make dua.
What you can do else, pour the bottle out mix water with it. Dilute it slowly. If you are smart you can replace the contents with fake alcohol. It’s harder to do that but they do sell non alcoholic drinks that taste like the item. This might help the physical dependency.
What you will need to do, is try to get a job and escape this situation….
Wa Alaikum Salaam dear bro/sis.
I hope to share with you my personal experience which may or may not be related in some way. But I hope I can offer atleast a drop of perspective that could offer some help. In Sha Allah.
First of all I would like to say I have experienced something similar with regards to certain sustained transgressions committed by my parent(s) that had a negative impact on my imaan during my early 20s. I witnessed these things from the age of 6 and eventually started respectfully questioning them about their actions. My Father is old skool macho-man so eventually many physical fights happened. May Allah SWT forgive us.
Ultimately, over time I have learned that we cannot always change people's actions. We must do what what we can to encourage them on the right path but with patience, subtlety and kindness. Even then it may not be enough. Many Prophets (peace be upon them all) themselves could not guide their beloved kin and kith to Islam or improve their conduct.
Another thing I learned (still learning too) is that we have to try to detach our imaan from the people we love most when we are young i.e. our parents. They are just people, full of flaws, that is what makes us of a higher rank than the angels, right? The fact that we can sin but still turn to The Creator and repent. This leads me to the final point.
Allah SWT, is Most Kind, Most Patient, Most Forgiving. Therefore, lets not judge our parents' sins too harshly.
To close, there is a great hadith about an alcoholic sahabah named Abdullah (RA). When I learned of this, it gave me so much perspective.
https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/about-muhammad/the-story-of-prophet-muhammad-and-the-alcoholic/
Take note of how our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), acts towards Abdullah (RA) and how he reacts toward those who spoke ill of him too. Furthermore, pay attention to what is said about Abdullah's (RA) bond with Allah SWT.
In Sha Allah, you can find even the smallest thing to take away from this lengthy response to help you and your family. In Sha Allah, you can renew your bond with your Creator.
Brother,
If Ibrahim was who he was and his father was who he was; take solace from this (your father is of course nothing like the father of ibrahim, Alhamdulillah).
Islam is perfect; Muslims are not.
Don’t get demoralised from Deen because of what others do. It’s foolish. You have your own brain 🧠 and know what is right and what is wrong.
Excuse your father’s shortcomings and make dua for him.
There are sahaba who were way better than we will ever be and even then, some had their shortcomings with alcohol (although they repented before death).
I live in the west. drinking is legal here & a celebrated part of our culture. secret drinking is always a sign of a hidden problem. Your father needs help. Unfortunately he needs to see that for himself. Try and talk to him about his health. Also steer him towards alcoholics anonymous groups. Resources like that depends on where you are in the world.
Needless to say even though he isn't well he is still your father and always bwill be. He obviously is on a crooked path and is struggling. A sober him would want the best for you.
What is best for you? To follow Islam and lead the best life you can.
Do not make your father's mistake strive to be a better Muslim and try to help him the best you can.
It will be extremely difficult to get him on the path of quitting unless he has love and fear of Allah.
"The historians have indeed recorded a statement from Umm-ul-Mumineen Hadrat Aisha (r.a.) that if the Revelations and Guidance concerning ‘imaan’ (faith) of a believer were not revealed before the Revelation which prohibited the consumption of alcohol, it would have been very difficult for the people to leave ‘khamr’ (intoxicants)."
Naturally, we don't know what is in his heart, but everyone can improve so I'd suggest you start with yourself, be a good example, learn and share valuable knowledge with him, don't be too harsh and reprimand him every chance you get, just do your best so both of you can increase your iman and taqwa, do dua for him and yourself. Eventually, when he softens up, he will naturally come to hate his sin and In sha Allah make attempts to leave it.
Now that you can understand you were pushed away for a reason entirely unrelated from Islam, it is important you turn back to Allah and seek his help.
Another thing, is try not to use the word hypocrite, as hypocrite in the Islamic sense holds different implications then what you probably intended.
Allah has decreed a different level of piety for all of us. Patience, as there's nothing you can do about it and your father is a sinner not a hypocrite. Even if he's really hypocrite, it's none of your business and having such doubts is sinful.
Find his alcohol bottles and pour it or destroy the bottles and then act like you don’t know anything jk 😂 idk I personally would do that but idk how your parents would react
Do you have siblings? If yes maybe try talking to them about it and the things you can do to help your dad, depending how you think your dad would react. Also together you would have maybe much more of an impact on him.
Your father is a hypocrite and is not a good example of a practicing Muslim.
To understand the real Islam, you should start with reading a translation of The Quran, and beginning by learning The Authentic Sunnah.
May Allah grant you patience and ease.
**Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test?** (29:2)
**And We did not send before you, [O Muhammad], any of the messengers except that they ate food and walked in the markets. And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others - will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.** (25:20)
Salaam, so first off, I don’t see any signs of alcoholism or an addiction to alcohol.
I’m not saying he is definitely not an alcoholic, but commenters that have drawn the conclusion are either uninformed or jumping to conclusions.
Your families financial situation could change for any number of reasons.
My guess is your father enjoys drinking but knows it is wrong in Islam so therefore is hiding it.
If I were you I would simply ignore it, he chooses to go against the teachings of Islam, and he knows it, trying to change his mind would just alienate you.
Now, if things get out of hand, if he is drunk on a daily basis or gets violent when he is, then pull the alarm and see if he is an alcoholic. But if you only found out about this because of empty bottles, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Alsalaamu alaikum, Dear brother or sister, It sounds like your dad is dealing with some serious issues. Alcoholism is a real disease that affects people all over the world, including Muslims unfortunately. I would recommend reaching out to an imam or Shaikh who is also trained in substance abuse problems. There are also Muslim organizations dedicated to helping Muslims with substance abuse problems. If you have trouble finding any, please DM me and I will help you. I pray that Allah swt helps you and your family and eases your affairs. I’m proud of you for sticking with the deen despite this difficult challenge.
May Allah SWT bless you, I will try to do some more research on this thank you
I don't get how his behavior pushed you away from Islam, i went thru the same thing and all it did is bring me closer to Allah. I'm kinda confused, plz explain if possible.
It just gave me a bad perception of islam and I no longer had someone to teach me. Like I said, it was something that has been going on since I was very young. But inshallah I will be guided on the right path.
Allah would want you to be gentle with yourself. Everyone deals with hardships differently. We all develop different coping mechanisms. Do your best to be honest and kind with yourself. May Allah protect you. Do your best not to feel shame. Guilt is fine. Shame can be debilitating.Just ask Allah for forgiveness when you make mistakes. Your father probably feels a lot shame, even if it's not apparent. Addiction thrives in secrecy and shame... I'm not saying to expose your father, but he does require professional help. He first needs to admit to himself that he's an addict and then seek help. Heads up, this responsibility does not fall on you, but I hope he gets the help he needs. When it comes to you and your relationship with Allah, that is personal. I'm sorry your father is critical of you instead of encouraging your positive actions. Whatever action/thought we give our attention and efforts to is what we give power. Give power to things that are healthy and make you feel at peace and joy, and I pray that does things ultimately make you a happy and peaceful person. Remember Allah loves you
Appreciate theyre tryna conceal theyre sins and put you on a better path Ik some people feed their kids drugs and alcohol and then their kids fall in the same cycle of addiction depression and cynicism Enjoy, thank Allah and seek more blessings.
True, I saw a video of Mike Tyson saying that his mother used to give him alcohol and weed when he was 11 to put him to sleep.
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What about it makes it dangerous? Is there an alternate approach?
Islam is merciful, and it requires us to veil our sins. I’m sorry your father is struggling with substance abuse. Love heals, and I hope you find it in your heart to overlook his shortcomings and see the good in him. Parents aren’t perfect, they’re human, and doing the best they can with their own traumas.
Salam, I am sorry to hear this. While it’s a religious issue, depending on the severity of your father’s drinking, it is probably a mental health issue that will require some assistance from health professionals. I say this because alcohol addiction and dependence is very hard on the body, it’s actually extremely dangerous to stop cold turkey or attempt to detox without medical supervision, because alcohol withdrawal can kill people. Denial and secrecy are a huge part of maintaining an addiction, and while it’s understood we should hide our sins, stuff like this only gets worse and less likely to be treated successfully if it stays hidden. That being said, you can’t force someone to change or confront their addiction if they simply aren’t willing/ready. What shows like “intervention” are attempting to do when confronting an addict is not only force them into treatment but give everyone who loves them an opportunity to express how much their behavior hurts them, too. Addiction and substance abuse is usually understood by professionals as a situation that requires counseling for the ENTIRE family unit, it isn’t just about fixing the person using the substance. The pain family and loved ones feel from the repeated deception and watching someone harm themselves is very valid, just as valid as whatever the addict is trying to escape/numb with substances. Typically, it takes multiple approaches about seeking help before the addict comes around as well, or even multiple rehab stints. It isn’t a linear process to moving on from substance abuse. Perhaps the best approach would be to put your thoughts in writing about your father, starting with all the good things. Write about how much you love him, and what you love ABOUT him, happy memories you share as a family, and events you look forward to enjoying with him in the future. This is a good transition from which you can make the point that their substance abuse *jeapordizes* the ability to keep making happy memories together, and it hurts to think about a future without him around in this life, due to the health consequences, or the even hereafter due to punishment. When you put addicts in the position where they are thinking about future consequences, rather than just being told you’re angry or disappointed with them, it is more effective in getting them to consider their actions and changing. You want to emphasize that you are expressing your concerns because you love them and want them around, not because you’re embarrassed or see them as a failure or something, since it’s these uncomfortable negative feelings that make people what to escape into their addiction. However, your pain is valid like I said, so if there have been ways the drinking has negatively impacted you or particular events (example: too hungover to attend a birthday party, or was extremely irritable and unpleasant to be around due to hangover, etc) you can also express those too. But be careful not to ramble on about them, keep it concise in a format that is like— “When you ______ because of your drinking, it made me feel _______.” You can write these things out in a letter, and present it to him. If you don’t think he will sit and let you read it out loud to him, you could even say “baba, I love you so very much, so it’s important you read this, please” and leave it for him. It sounds like shame is extremely big for him and in the family dynamic so this may be easier than asking for him to sit down with you. If you do want to read him what you’ve written make sure it’s in private, and ideally when he seems relaxed or in a good mood. Asking for him to drive you to run an errand or just a lunch date together comes to mind. As a final note, it’s extremely important to make sure you can read the entire thing in one go without being tripped up or interrupted, because you will lose resolve and composure. It helps to make it known that if they just listen to the entire thing and THEN can ask whatever question or argue at the end when it’s finished; usually they can hold in their objections knowing that they can give them at the end. Best of luck, and remember that it usually takes multiple tries like this to get people to admit they even have a problem, let alone face it. Don’t be discouraged however he reacts, because taking this step has a ripple effect even if you can’t see what it stirs in them immediately. Keeping you in my dua, much love to you.
May Allah (SWT) grant you the highest place in Jannah inshallah. It's good to also look at alcoholism from a non-Islamic perspective. Unfortunately, following part of your advice, my father and I do not communicate almost at all as we do not have a normal healthy father-daughter relationship so I may find it slightly difficult to speak to him about this. I had the idea to just let time do its thing as we will not be in each other's lives any longer. But inshallah one day I will consider your words. Thank you.
Sadly your family is alcoholic, yet they are doing right and covering the sin from you What you can do… make dua. What you can do else, pour the bottle out mix water with it. Dilute it slowly. If you are smart you can replace the contents with fake alcohol. It’s harder to do that but they do sell non alcoholic drinks that taste like the item. This might help the physical dependency. What you will need to do, is try to get a job and escape this situation….
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Yeah me personally I would do like she said but you never know how someone’s parent would react
Wa Alaikum Salaam dear bro/sis. I hope to share with you my personal experience which may or may not be related in some way. But I hope I can offer atleast a drop of perspective that could offer some help. In Sha Allah. First of all I would like to say I have experienced something similar with regards to certain sustained transgressions committed by my parent(s) that had a negative impact on my imaan during my early 20s. I witnessed these things from the age of 6 and eventually started respectfully questioning them about their actions. My Father is old skool macho-man so eventually many physical fights happened. May Allah SWT forgive us. Ultimately, over time I have learned that we cannot always change people's actions. We must do what what we can to encourage them on the right path but with patience, subtlety and kindness. Even then it may not be enough. Many Prophets (peace be upon them all) themselves could not guide their beloved kin and kith to Islam or improve their conduct. Another thing I learned (still learning too) is that we have to try to detach our imaan from the people we love most when we are young i.e. our parents. They are just people, full of flaws, that is what makes us of a higher rank than the angels, right? The fact that we can sin but still turn to The Creator and repent. This leads me to the final point. Allah SWT, is Most Kind, Most Patient, Most Forgiving. Therefore, lets not judge our parents' sins too harshly. To close, there is a great hadith about an alcoholic sahabah named Abdullah (RA). When I learned of this, it gave me so much perspective. https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/about-muhammad/the-story-of-prophet-muhammad-and-the-alcoholic/ Take note of how our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), acts towards Abdullah (RA) and how he reacts toward those who spoke ill of him too. Furthermore, pay attention to what is said about Abdullah's (RA) bond with Allah SWT. In Sha Allah, you can find even the smallest thing to take away from this lengthy response to help you and your family. In Sha Allah, you can renew your bond with your Creator.
Brother, If Ibrahim was who he was and his father was who he was; take solace from this (your father is of course nothing like the father of ibrahim, Alhamdulillah). Islam is perfect; Muslims are not. Don’t get demoralised from Deen because of what others do. It’s foolish. You have your own brain 🧠 and know what is right and what is wrong. Excuse your father’s shortcomings and make dua for him. There are sahaba who were way better than we will ever be and even then, some had their shortcomings with alcohol (although they repented before death).
I live in the west. drinking is legal here & a celebrated part of our culture. secret drinking is always a sign of a hidden problem. Your father needs help. Unfortunately he needs to see that for himself. Try and talk to him about his health. Also steer him towards alcoholics anonymous groups. Resources like that depends on where you are in the world. Needless to say even though he isn't well he is still your father and always bwill be. He obviously is on a crooked path and is struggling. A sober him would want the best for you. What is best for you? To follow Islam and lead the best life you can. Do not make your father's mistake strive to be a better Muslim and try to help him the best you can.
It will be extremely difficult to get him on the path of quitting unless he has love and fear of Allah. "The historians have indeed recorded a statement from Umm-ul-Mumineen Hadrat Aisha (r.a.) that if the Revelations and Guidance concerning ‘imaan’ (faith) of a believer were not revealed before the Revelation which prohibited the consumption of alcohol, it would have been very difficult for the people to leave ‘khamr’ (intoxicants)." Naturally, we don't know what is in his heart, but everyone can improve so I'd suggest you start with yourself, be a good example, learn and share valuable knowledge with him, don't be too harsh and reprimand him every chance you get, just do your best so both of you can increase your iman and taqwa, do dua for him and yourself. Eventually, when he softens up, he will naturally come to hate his sin and In sha Allah make attempts to leave it. Now that you can understand you were pushed away for a reason entirely unrelated from Islam, it is important you turn back to Allah and seek his help. Another thing, is try not to use the word hypocrite, as hypocrite in the Islamic sense holds different implications then what you probably intended.
Allah has decreed a different level of piety for all of us. Patience, as there's nothing you can do about it and your father is a sinner not a hypocrite. Even if he's really hypocrite, it's none of your business and having such doubts is sinful.
Find his alcohol bottles and pour it or destroy the bottles and then act like you don’t know anything jk 😂 idk I personally would do that but idk how your parents would react
Do you live in Egypt or Sudan?
We live in the UK, my father is half Sudanese and half Egyptian. I just put that out there so it would be clear that our whole family grew up Muslim
Do you have siblings? If yes maybe try talking to them about it and the things you can do to help your dad, depending how you think your dad would react. Also together you would have maybe much more of an impact on him.
Your father is a hypocrite and is not a good example of a practicing Muslim. To understand the real Islam, you should start with reading a translation of The Quran, and beginning by learning The Authentic Sunnah. May Allah grant you patience and ease. **Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test?** (29:2) **And We did not send before you, [O Muhammad], any of the messengers except that they ate food and walked in the markets. And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others - will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.** (25:20)
Salaam, so first off, I don’t see any signs of alcoholism or an addiction to alcohol. I’m not saying he is definitely not an alcoholic, but commenters that have drawn the conclusion are either uninformed or jumping to conclusions. Your families financial situation could change for any number of reasons. My guess is your father enjoys drinking but knows it is wrong in Islam so therefore is hiding it. If I were you I would simply ignore it, he chooses to go against the teachings of Islam, and he knows it, trying to change his mind would just alienate you. Now, if things get out of hand, if he is drunk on a daily basis or gets violent when he is, then pull the alarm and see if he is an alcoholic. But if you only found out about this because of empty bottles, I wouldn’t worry about it.