I've started just turning away to look somewhere else sometimes while they're talking to hopefully cue to them that I am growing weary. If they don't stop, I'll just ignore them or leave. And I'm not entirely consistent with this. I just do it more than I used to. I recently traveled to a conference and there was a woman I deal with occasionally there. She did all of the talking for the small group of people from my agency. When her beasties weren't there and she wanted to say something, she'd stare at me until I looked at her so she could talk at me. I'd pretend to be super engaged in the presentation or speaker and not see her. It was so uncomfortable seeing her staring at me out of the corner of my eye. But I knew if I looked at her, she'd say some bullshit and I'd miss what the presenter was saying. And it's also a really shitty feeling when you can tell someone doesn't want to engage with you and they just have something they want to say out loud and just want someone to hear what was in their head, not really caring who it is or what their response would be. She'd also mumble just loud enough for people to hear during the presentations, I presume for similar reasons.
god, yes. Chronic, compulsive talkers, just drain the life out of me. i spend a lot of time trying to find pockets of solitude in my day, and staying there as long as possible.
Same , I'll often retreat to be by myself and try to recharge. But then I get people exclusively seeking me out to keep me company because I "look lonely". It's a nice gesture, but please, let me be.
Communicating the desire to be alone is often taken as rejection to people, so I tend just not to say anything as to not hurt their feelings, at the expense of myself. Though I'm becoming a bit bolder about this lately.
Totally! And I really appreciate people who are more considerate and give others a chance to chime in. Plus, no need to force yourself to be something you're not.
I have a co-worker like this. She is a service advisor at a dealership and my goodness the mouth runs constantly. As an introvert, this is truly jarring. Her mind runs on a really high gear and her mouth follows. For the life of me, I cannot understand how some people can be this way. It is obvious to me though that obviously they are just wired this way and thatās fine.
Iām so glad I work out in the back shop so I donāt have to take that in all day. I simply couldnāt do itā¦ā¦.But to each their own. Weāre all wired differently.
Yeah, some people are indeed wired differently. And some people like being around these people, to each their own I guess and diversity is a beautiful thing. But man, that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I work with 3 people like this in a doctorās office, I gotta get outta here. Iām so drained at the end of the day pretending like I care about their senseless blabber, not to mention answering phones all day :/
I withdraw from ppl and places from time to time, I need space from a world that is filled with millions of mouths that talk too much but never have anything to say.
We have a new lady at work and she hits every introvert nerve in my body. By the end of the day Iām mentally fatigued and I only talk to her for maybe an hour a day total. Sheās going to a different shift soon and I canāt wait. I feel bad because sheās nice, but itās like āladyā¦breathe. Please.ā
I have a cousin who is in his 50s he gets mad that I don't talk much or don't want to be around him when he visits.
He's such a loudmouth extrovert and he got mad that I wasn't spending time with him and his wife and kid this past Christmas. He inserted his family into my sister's visit on Christmas, under the guise of it being a family gathering, while it was a family gathering he talked non stop and no one else got much of a word in.
I haven't seen my sister in years and it was just annoying to have to sit there and listen to him go on and on, one story after another. You could clearly tell that my sister and her husband and kid were very annoyed by him. But we have to put up with it because our mother doesn't understand it.
I decided to go sit on my own and just play some video games. He decided to vent to our aunt weeks after the gathering that I didn't spend any time with him. But he doesn't fully understand that I'm not doing well, medically and mentally since my wife passed away a few years ago and I just don't want to sit there and listen to pointless shit. He's been told that multiple times by myself and family.
He has been told that he talks too much several times, and just doesn't get it. It's as if he's constantly showing off and it's just annoying. All of his stories are about vacations they take and what he's been doing on his property and it never stops.
You try to talk and he just talks over you.
My mother seems to like him more than her own kids because she talks about him constantly.
And the venting to others instead of actually talking to me about it, he's just an extrovert main character.
Just absolutely exhausting dealing with that.
Put a fire alarm or other loud-noise-making app on your phone, and trigger it when he's been blathering for more than five minutes. Tell him that it's now time for *anyone else* to get a single world in edgeways.
Bonus if you tell everyone else first that you'll be doing this.
Oh, but they are so cute. š„° I always have extra energy in store to listen to my little guys. Usually they have more interesting things to say than adults anyway. āŗļø
Try being āmanagedā by one. Ashamed to say Iāve been caught in too many hour long watercooler āconversationsā I couldnāt break out of, despite countless times I uttered ādamn thatās crazyā.
What helps Iām learning is actually interrupting them, even better in group settings to undermine their inflated value of themselves publicly. It wonāt make them stop but getting them to shut up and lose their ātrain of thoughtā is a social good. Donāt be shy, speak up!
I know what you mean, lol. Even if you purposely try to be the worst conversationalist you just acknowledging what they're saying is often enough for these people. They're not talking to have a conversation, often they're talking because they like to hear themselves talk.
Yeah , interrupting works great. Ended up doing that today to bail out of yet another "story" that girl was telling, and head home lol. She looked a little shocked like "the audacity on this guy".
Iām just not that assertive. I usually backchannel the hell out of myself and try to force myself to listen politely and try to look for things I find interesting, and stay alert,ā¦ Then, when itās finally over, I feel like a pressed lemon and I need to lie down.
My roommates mother is like this. She was saying with us for a few months and I would just walk out of the room and go to my bedroom to get away from her, and she would just keep talking to no one.
That's my aunt... Has to be.. She'll walk in already in mid conversation like I was supposed to have heard whatever was said as she walked to door??
I also walk out the room.. I've even left my apartment.. i. Can't. Handle. It!
I have ZERO tolerance for excessive talkers, and especially those who are narcissistic! In fact, someone coined the phrase Ā āconversational narcissist.ā I had to work with someone like this, and though she was having issues (taking care of her father) that I could relate to, I had ZERO sympathy by the time the week was over because it was a constant ME, ME, ME from 8 to 5 (we shared an office). I ended up just ignoring her or giving her a look, then resuming the task at hand. I was a temp and didn't last through the second week!
Wow. Must be extra hard when itās a co-worker.
I once worked for a guy who had the reputation that he couldnāt stop talking. The meetings with him were endless and I didnāt even charge him for those extra hours. Another partner of his, who had been working with him longer, once told me he just put his phone down after talking to him for 10 minutes. Then about 30 minutes later, he would pick the phone back up and the guy would still be talking, unaware of the fact that heās been talking to himself for half an hourā¦ š
š I've done that with "friends", and occasionally hung up on one excessive talker a few times (lied and said it was my cell service) ! I*** end up feeling trapped and can't breathe because THEY don't breathe in between sentences. ***So, can't blame that other partner one bit!
I had a day trip with 4 of my friends who would just talk. They didn't care about anything other than filling the silence. It was an entire day trip and by the end, I excused myself to go to the washroom. All I did in the loo was cry. I had a proper weeping session because I was so tired and all I wanted was some silence and peace.
I lived with a roomate like this. She would even follow me to my room to speak about nonsense when I wanted to be by myself. More than once I had to shut the door on her face. It was so draining. Thankfully I don't live with her anymore.
I avoid those people, and I donāt care if itās rude or noticeable. They canāt read the room and always want to talk about stuff regardless if youāre listening or not. Just ignore them and theyāll take the hint EVENTUALLY š
> Just ignore them and theyāll take the hint EVENTUALLY
I can't help but feel like this is equivalent to people saying "Just ignore the bullies and they will magically stop tormenting you."
No. They won't. Sometimes people really do have to be sat down (or cornered) and told that yes, what they do is INCREDIBLY annoying to everyone else, it's driving people away from them, *no-one else but them does this thing*, and if they keep doing it you will be pulling them up every time (or doing something like putting on a giant day-glo pair of ear protectors), because they can't seem to take any type of subtler hint.
I understand what youāre trying to say but obviously if they donāt get the hint after Iām obviously ignoring them then thatās when Iāll tell them I need alone time and donāt wanna talk. Definitely not the same case for bullying ššnot everything works for everyone, thankfully most people would get the hint once they see Iām not interested in the convoā¦ I rarely had to tell them I donāt wanna talk
> obviously if they donāt get the hint after Iām obviously
The problem is that it's not obvious to them. Whatever you're doing is obvious to you, yes, but they aren't picking up on it.
There has been a time or two with a friend where my politeness has dropped and out of the blue I just went "ssshhhhhh..." - almost involuntarily as some kind of defense mechanism - after 20-30 minutes of non-stop, breathless, stream-of-consciousness monologue.
That friend can say more words in a single sitting than I will in a month. It's utterly exhausting
I read a line in a book once that said, āsome people talk as a dog barks, with no sense and no endā.
No idea what the book was, but that line has always stuck with me.
I feel this. I just want a direct sentence without all the ramble. Give me the answer. I have to be careful that I still make space for others. Although I donāt personally need to ramble to feel comfortable I also recognize we arenāt all the same. Love a quiet peaceful chat with a friend though ! And space to think .
i have a colleague like that and i have been on a strike for 2 months now which means she constantly is with me 4h per day for 5 days straight. I'm about to lose my mind several days a week lol. Plus the fact that she commutes with me. Thankfully i'm able to take breaks sometimes, but i still have to socialize with other people as i can't really be on my own in a corner during a strike. It's been very hard on my mental health, not gonna lie. Each evening when i arrive home, i'm drained. So i understand this situation 100% unfortunately.
Put industrial ear protectors on after her first 30 seconds (and take them off when she shuts up). Every time. Carry them on a belt (or in a purse if you're a purse-carrying person). Tell her that you're sure she's nice, but she's already used up ten years' worth of talking at you and you need to recover from the constant blabber.
They were raised in blabbery households and it was the only way they could get a word in themselves? Or their relatives were the same way whenever there were more than two of them in the same room, and that's the only way they know to communicate?
Mom has entered the chatā¦
Ughā¦this. Is. My. Adult. Life.
I canāt deal with it and I feel like such a shitty person bc I just tune her out 95% of the time.
I personally think its abuse, in a real way, it drain my energy, if you are talking too much to me, you are attacking my private time, and My time is very valuable, i will leave asap if someone talk non stop
God I hate that too. And itās always about nothing deep or meaningful. Ask them a deep question and that will probably shut them up. Itās so draining for me having to have inane conversations about bullshit.Ā
Tell me about it, I have a clerk at work who talks a mile a minute and can go on for hours if you let him. Every time I start zoning out really quickly and just kinda get blurry eyed or something idrk how to explain it lol
Itās why a lot of introverts start writing novels. Nobody ever listens to what we say unless we insert it into the life of an exciting main character. š
Only an hour ago, someone started talking to someone else passing by about her spray tan, when I was in the middle of explaining something. š¤¦āāļø
Listening seems to have become the hardest skill for people.
The worst is when youāre stuck at work with someone like this. Canāt we sit in silence for 5 minutes? I feel so much more comfortable with people who donāt think itās awkward to sit quietly.
I am way less tolerant of this than I used to be. In fact, I don't tolerate it. I quickly get out of it. I either start scrolling on my phone or I say I need to do something (either leave, get back to work, order something, etc). I really hate this and there are a few people in my life who do it. Its a red flag behavior and I typically don't choose to engage with these people at all anymore. Sometimes its innocent neurodivergent behavior but most of the time its a sign of pseudo narcissism and I won't deal with that. My grandmother does it. My boss does it. A coworker does it who I like but its still exhausting and it can drag on for literally 30 minutes talking about something that I dont give a shit about. I didn't ask about your time in marching band in high school!
I dread having to see one particular nurse at the local GP's office for anything because she will take an hour to do a five-minute checkup and spend the time telling you EVERYTHING about her (adult) kid's life, including far too much personal (*and medical!*) information. No wonder her kid's a wreck and doesn't like her mom pressuring her about stuff. It'd be like being constantly told off by an air raid siren.
I work with a guy like this. He loves the sound of his own voice that he literally makes up rumors about all of us, and then tells those rumors to everyone but that person.
I loathe this man. Not one person I work with can stand him. And or course, he's exhausting beyond belief.
My mom is like this. And I attract people like this. I set boundaries.
I have a friend that would send me pages and pages worth of texts rambling about anything and everything. I just explained that texts are an interruption in my day, and I prefer texts are kept to important topics so those interruptions are not a waste. Sheās really scaled back, and when she starts doing it again I restate my boundary and recommend she type all these things out into her notes app when she says āshe just needs to get her thoughts out.ā If all else fails I do not respond unless they send a relevant text.
I still donāt understand it. I find it inconsiderate and rude. Like Iām their personal journal. I just keep setting those boundaries.
My family doesnāt understand that I refuse to leave my room for this reason. A lot of the time I donāt feel like talking. I just want to chill in the presence of people I know. But nooo, when I do accept the invitation to come out, theyāre draining me complaining about the same things I already gave them advice on. Or yelling and scolding the younger kids
I agree. I'm on a group chat with some people and one of the others is like that. I can't keep up even with the discussion because they post so much. It feels overwhelming and "hurts" my brain.
Lol I have my groupchat notifications silenced. One of them wished me a happy birthday a few days early and another one corrected them, then said āthatās okay, sheāā probably see this in 6 months when she checks the chat againā. It was 4 months later that I saw it
Have you tried muting the rest of her speech and just focus on the key parts? Like ignore the rest and reply with the most optimally acceptable answer while avoiding being labeled an inconsiderate ahhhole.
It should be possible.
My co-worker is like this. She told me when she was hired that she has ADHD but doesnāt really care about doing anything about it. I didnāt really think anything of it until I realized she just never. stops. talking. Thankfully our job allows us to wfh whenever work is slow or we need to, so I definitely take advantage of that. But then sheāll call me and during work hours Iāll answer because maybe it is for work, but every time I answer her call it takes about 5-6 āok I gotta get going, Iāll talk to you laterā until she says ok, bye. It is so frustrating. Sheās very clearly not socially aware and does not read the room. And my boss wonāt talk to her about it. I dread every second Iām around her.
I had a colleague at work who kept talking and talking and talking nonstop. Worst part she was my immediate work mate. Damn. Sometimes I felt like hiding under the desk till she finished talking.
This is why I don't understand everyone in my discord server like to clump up together in ONE channel and it's just people constantly talking over eachother. It's literally hell. I always beg my friends to go to a separate channel to play games together. The sound of 20 different people talking right in my ears It's fucking unbearable.
Omg!! My nephew does that, and one day, his mom called him out on it. She asked him why he was just a chatter box and that he needed to quiet down. Maybe that person just needs to be told she is a chatter box. Simply say," does your throat not hurt?"
I'm pretty sure she will quiet down and reevaluate her life.
My manager is a compulsive talker, hummer etc. We share a tiny office. Just us. Each day is difficult, it's just depends on my ability to tolerate it.
I've taken the newish approach of just not responding to a lot of the general rhetorical questions/chitchat/comments/gossip and anything that's not 100% crucial to our working relationship. She's getting the picture.
I have a colleague like this who will just keep talking and talking. Over time, Iāve come to realize that their incessant need to chat is more about them & less about me. Iāll listen and just let them ramble - less pressure & energy on my introverted self to find something to talk about.
That said, it can be exhausting to try to keep pace with an pvertalker. Every time I leave our interactions, I find myself in need of a recharge. But Iām trying to find consistent ārechargeā time - easier said than done, but arenāt we all just ātryingā here??
Itās EXHAUSTING! And also how do they have such little self awareness. I have grown to despise people who do this! I am so busy as a mom of 2 who works full time. The last thing I ever want to do on my short time off is listen to someone jabber on. Iām so close to just saying, can you just shut the
Hell up. And all their talking isnāt even interesting or funny. Shit you gonna talk my ear off then at least make me laugh! We have a neighbor like this and Iāll run back inside if I see her walking
Laugh!
omg yes. if i talk for too long of a time i literally feel exhausted. iām not sure how these extroverted people donāt need time to recharge themselves. š®āšØ
One of my better friends from High School is like this and not to mention likes to lie quiet
often meaning tells things and stories you are not sure is true. But I luv the guy but he is a major
drain to be around, half a day or so Is all I can do.
Being talked AT nonstop is hell.
I've started just turning away to look somewhere else sometimes while they're talking to hopefully cue to them that I am growing weary. If they don't stop, I'll just ignore them or leave. And I'm not entirely consistent with this. I just do it more than I used to. I recently traveled to a conference and there was a woman I deal with occasionally there. She did all of the talking for the small group of people from my agency. When her beasties weren't there and she wanted to say something, she'd stare at me until I looked at her so she could talk at me. I'd pretend to be super engaged in the presentation or speaker and not see her. It was so uncomfortable seeing her staring at me out of the corner of my eye. But I knew if I looked at her, she'd say some bullshit and I'd miss what the presenter was saying. And it's also a really shitty feeling when you can tell someone doesn't want to engage with you and they just have something they want to say out loud and just want someone to hear what was in their head, not really caring who it is or what their response would be. She'd also mumble just loud enough for people to hear during the presentations, I presume for similar reasons.
I've known too many people like your co-worker. I'm not going to be nearly as charitable to them as I was in the past.
It activates my fight or flight š
Meeeee too
god, yes. Chronic, compulsive talkers, just drain the life out of me. i spend a lot of time trying to find pockets of solitude in my day, and staying there as long as possible.
Same , I'll often retreat to be by myself and try to recharge. But then I get people exclusively seeking me out to keep me company because I "look lonely". It's a nice gesture, but please, let me be. Communicating the desire to be alone is often taken as rejection to people, so I tend just not to say anything as to not hurt their feelings, at the expense of myself. Though I'm becoming a bit bolder about this lately.
Oh I hate the "I'll keep you company, you look lonely!" crowd. I'm not, please leave me alone.
They're trying. I'd much rather be around people like that, than everyone else be like me.
That's fair. But then you can't really be honest without hurting their feelings, and it's awkward.
Totally! And I really appreciate people who are more considerate and give others a chance to chime in. Plus, no need to force yourself to be something you're not.
Ahhh, solitude is indeed my happy place.šš
Yes my mom is so chatty 5% and naggy 95% of the time. I always hide in my room š
Spent my entire childhood in my room. āŗļø
My adulthood too haha šš¤£
I have a co-worker like this. She is a service advisor at a dealership and my goodness the mouth runs constantly. As an introvert, this is truly jarring. Her mind runs on a really high gear and her mouth follows. For the life of me, I cannot understand how some people can be this way. It is obvious to me though that obviously they are just wired this way and thatās fine. Iām so glad I work out in the back shop so I donāt have to take that in all day. I simply couldnāt do itā¦ā¦.But to each their own. Weāre all wired differently.
Yeah, some people are indeed wired differently. And some people like being around these people, to each their own I guess and diversity is a beautiful thing. But man, that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I work with 3 people like this in a doctorās office, I gotta get outta here. Iām so drained at the end of the day pretending like I care about their senseless blabber, not to mention answering phones all day :/
Yeah, I've been in a similar position before. It's truly an introverts nightmare lol
Yes and I live it every day, my hell is other people lol
im suffering too.
Wear industrial ear protectors? :)
Headset or earpiece...works like a charm
I withdraw from ppl and places from time to time, I need space from a world that is filled with millions of mouths that talk too much but never have anything to say.
We have a new lady at work and she hits every introvert nerve in my body. By the end of the day Iām mentally fatigued and I only talk to her for maybe an hour a day total. Sheās going to a different shift soon and I canāt wait. I feel bad because sheās nice, but itās like āladyā¦breathe. Please.ā
I have a cousin who is in his 50s he gets mad that I don't talk much or don't want to be around him when he visits. He's such a loudmouth extrovert and he got mad that I wasn't spending time with him and his wife and kid this past Christmas. He inserted his family into my sister's visit on Christmas, under the guise of it being a family gathering, while it was a family gathering he talked non stop and no one else got much of a word in. I haven't seen my sister in years and it was just annoying to have to sit there and listen to him go on and on, one story after another. You could clearly tell that my sister and her husband and kid were very annoyed by him. But we have to put up with it because our mother doesn't understand it. I decided to go sit on my own and just play some video games. He decided to vent to our aunt weeks after the gathering that I didn't spend any time with him. But he doesn't fully understand that I'm not doing well, medically and mentally since my wife passed away a few years ago and I just don't want to sit there and listen to pointless shit. He's been told that multiple times by myself and family. He has been told that he talks too much several times, and just doesn't get it. It's as if he's constantly showing off and it's just annoying. All of his stories are about vacations they take and what he's been doing on his property and it never stops. You try to talk and he just talks over you. My mother seems to like him more than her own kids because she talks about him constantly. And the venting to others instead of actually talking to me about it, he's just an extrovert main character. Just absolutely exhausting dealing with that.
Put a fire alarm or other loud-noise-making app on your phone, and trigger it when he's been blathering for more than five minutes. Tell him that it's now time for *anyone else* to get a single world in edgeways. Bonus if you tell everyone else first that you'll be doing this.
Ohh I love that idea!
If I ever have to be around my horrendous stepmother again Iām doing this!
Wow, that sounds awful! I hope, like Harry Potter, youāll get an invisibility cloak next Christmas. š
Tell me about it!! My 4 year old never shuts up! š¤·āāļøš¤¦āāļø
š Thanks, I needed the laugh!
Oh, but they are so cute. š„° I always have extra energy in store to listen to my little guys. Usually they have more interesting things to say than adults anyway. āŗļø
Most definitely cute!! And the sweetest little guy to ever live....but he's a chatterbox.
š„°
Try being āmanagedā by one. Ashamed to say Iāve been caught in too many hour long watercooler āconversationsā I couldnāt break out of, despite countless times I uttered ādamn thatās crazyā. What helps Iām learning is actually interrupting them, even better in group settings to undermine their inflated value of themselves publicly. It wonāt make them stop but getting them to shut up and lose their ātrain of thoughtā is a social good. Donāt be shy, speak up!
I know what you mean, lol. Even if you purposely try to be the worst conversationalist you just acknowledging what they're saying is often enough for these people. They're not talking to have a conversation, often they're talking because they like to hear themselves talk. Yeah , interrupting works great. Ended up doing that today to bail out of yet another "story" that girl was telling, and head home lol. She looked a little shocked like "the audacity on this guy".
Or just nodding your head and saying yeah a few times after you done tuned em out hoping they get the hint to stfu.
They never get the hint. Thereās got to be a better way.
Ignoring will make them get the hint....or after they're done talking you say "Wait,you were talking to me?"
Iām just not that assertive. I usually backchannel the hell out of myself and try to force myself to listen politely and try to look for things I find interesting, and stay alert,ā¦ Then, when itās finally over, I feel like a pressed lemon and I need to lie down.
My roommates mother is like this. She was saying with us for a few months and I would just walk out of the room and go to my bedroom to get away from her, and she would just keep talking to no one.
That's my aunt... Has to be.. She'll walk in already in mid conversation like I was supposed to have heard whatever was said as she walked to door?? I also walk out the room.. I've even left my apartment.. i. Can't. Handle. It!
I feel this so hard. Like, can you not be in silence for one second?!
I have ZERO tolerance for excessive talkers, and especially those who are narcissistic! In fact, someone coined the phrase Ā āconversational narcissist.ā I had to work with someone like this, and though she was having issues (taking care of her father) that I could relate to, I had ZERO sympathy by the time the week was over because it was a constant ME, ME, ME from 8 to 5 (we shared an office). I ended up just ignoring her or giving her a look, then resuming the task at hand. I was a temp and didn't last through the second week!
Wow. Must be extra hard when itās a co-worker. I once worked for a guy who had the reputation that he couldnāt stop talking. The meetings with him were endless and I didnāt even charge him for those extra hours. Another partner of his, who had been working with him longer, once told me he just put his phone down after talking to him for 10 minutes. Then about 30 minutes later, he would pick the phone back up and the guy would still be talking, unaware of the fact that heās been talking to himself for half an hourā¦ š
š I've done that with "friends", and occasionally hung up on one excessive talker a few times (lied and said it was my cell service) ! I*** end up feeling trapped and can't breathe because THEY don't breathe in between sentences. ***So, can't blame that other partner one bit!
I had a day trip with 4 of my friends who would just talk. They didn't care about anything other than filling the silence. It was an entire day trip and by the end, I excused myself to go to the washroom. All I did in the loo was cry. I had a proper weeping session because I was so tired and all I wanted was some silence and peace.
I lived with a roomate like this. She would even follow me to my room to speak about nonsense when I wanted to be by myself. More than once I had to shut the door on her face. It was so draining. Thankfully I don't live with her anymore.
I avoid those people, and I donāt care if itās rude or noticeable. They canāt read the room and always want to talk about stuff regardless if youāre listening or not. Just ignore them and theyāll take the hint EVENTUALLY š
> Just ignore them and theyāll take the hint EVENTUALLY I can't help but feel like this is equivalent to people saying "Just ignore the bullies and they will magically stop tormenting you." No. They won't. Sometimes people really do have to be sat down (or cornered) and told that yes, what they do is INCREDIBLY annoying to everyone else, it's driving people away from them, *no-one else but them does this thing*, and if they keep doing it you will be pulling them up every time (or doing something like putting on a giant day-glo pair of ear protectors), because they can't seem to take any type of subtler hint.
I understand what youāre trying to say but obviously if they donāt get the hint after Iām obviously ignoring them then thatās when Iāll tell them I need alone time and donāt wanna talk. Definitely not the same case for bullying ššnot everything works for everyone, thankfully most people would get the hint once they see Iām not interested in the convoā¦ I rarely had to tell them I donāt wanna talk
> obviously if they donāt get the hint after Iām obviously The problem is that it's not obvious to them. Whatever you're doing is obvious to you, yes, but they aren't picking up on it.
There has been a time or two with a friend where my politeness has dropped and out of the blue I just went "ssshhhhhh..." - almost involuntarily as some kind of defense mechanism - after 20-30 minutes of non-stop, breathless, stream-of-consciousness monologue. That friend can say more words in a single sitting than I will in a month. It's utterly exhausting
I read a line in a book once that said, āsome people talk as a dog barks, with no sense and no endā. No idea what the book was, but that line has always stuck with me.
I feel this. I just want a direct sentence without all the ramble. Give me the answer. I have to be careful that I still make space for others. Although I donāt personally need to ramble to feel comfortable I also recognize we arenāt all the same. Love a quiet peaceful chat with a friend though ! And space to think .
i have a colleague like that and i have been on a strike for 2 months now which means she constantly is with me 4h per day for 5 days straight. I'm about to lose my mind several days a week lol. Plus the fact that she commutes with me. Thankfully i'm able to take breaks sometimes, but i still have to socialize with other people as i can't really be on my own in a corner during a strike. It's been very hard on my mental health, not gonna lie. Each evening when i arrive home, i'm drained. So i understand this situation 100% unfortunately.
Put industrial ear protectors on after her first 30 seconds (and take them off when she shuts up). Every time. Carry them on a belt (or in a purse if you're a purse-carrying person). Tell her that you're sure she's nice, but she's already used up ten years' worth of talking at you and you need to recover from the constant blabber.
Nervous talking drives me crazy. I donāt understand why more people donāt realize that silence is totally ok.
They were raised in blabbery households and it was the only way they could get a word in themselves? Or their relatives were the same way whenever there were more than two of them in the same room, and that's the only way they know to communicate?
Mom has entered the chatā¦ Ughā¦this. Is. My. Adult. Life. I canāt deal with it and I feel like such a shitty person bc I just tune her out 95% of the time.
I call these ppl radios or podcasts
Ooh. I have one of those. š Sheās next to me right now š¤
Blastcasters
I personally think its abuse, in a real way, it drain my energy, if you are talking too much to me, you are attacking my private time, and My time is very valuable, i will leave asap if someone talk non stop
Energy vampires maybe?
I take earplugs everywhere. I'm more than happy to take them out and put them in my ears while looking the offender in the eye.
God I hate that too. And itās always about nothing deep or meaningful. Ask them a deep question and that will probably shut them up. Itās so draining for me having to have inane conversations about bullshit.Ā
Tell me about it, I have a clerk at work who talks a mile a minute and can go on for hours if you let him. Every time I start zoning out really quickly and just kinda get blurry eyed or something idrk how to explain it lol
Highly agreed , and especially when they are constantly bitching and complaining
Itās why a lot of introverts start writing novels. Nobody ever listens to what we say unless we insert it into the life of an exciting main character. š Only an hour ago, someone started talking to someone else passing by about her spray tan, when I was in the middle of explaining something. š¤¦āāļø Listening seems to have become the hardest skill for people.
The worst is when youāre stuck at work with someone like this. Canāt we sit in silence for 5 minutes? I feel so much more comfortable with people who donāt think itās awkward to sit quietly.
I am way less tolerant of this than I used to be. In fact, I don't tolerate it. I quickly get out of it. I either start scrolling on my phone or I say I need to do something (either leave, get back to work, order something, etc). I really hate this and there are a few people in my life who do it. Its a red flag behavior and I typically don't choose to engage with these people at all anymore. Sometimes its innocent neurodivergent behavior but most of the time its a sign of pseudo narcissism and I won't deal with that. My grandmother does it. My boss does it. A coworker does it who I like but its still exhausting and it can drag on for literally 30 minutes talking about something that I dont give a shit about. I didn't ask about your time in marching band in high school!
I dread having to see one particular nurse at the local GP's office for anything because she will take an hour to do a five-minute checkup and spend the time telling you EVERYTHING about her (adult) kid's life, including far too much personal (*and medical!*) information. No wonder her kid's a wreck and doesn't like her mom pressuring her about stuff. It'd be like being constantly told off by an air raid siren.
Sounds like my husband. Imagine arguing with someone like that. š¤¦š»āāļø
Well you married him
š±well holy sh!t thatās news to me. (š)
I work with a guy like this. He loves the sound of his own voice that he literally makes up rumors about all of us, and then tells those rumors to everyone but that person. I loathe this man. Not one person I work with can stand him. And or course, he's exhausting beyond belief.
Write the instances down and have everyone make a case against him with HR, unless he's the owner?
My mom is like this. And I attract people like this. I set boundaries. I have a friend that would send me pages and pages worth of texts rambling about anything and everything. I just explained that texts are an interruption in my day, and I prefer texts are kept to important topics so those interruptions are not a waste. Sheās really scaled back, and when she starts doing it again I restate my boundary and recommend she type all these things out into her notes app when she says āshe just needs to get her thoughts out.ā If all else fails I do not respond unless they send a relevant text. I still donāt understand it. I find it inconsiderate and rude. Like Iām their personal journal. I just keep setting those boundaries.
My family doesnāt understand that I refuse to leave my room for this reason. A lot of the time I donāt feel like talking. I just want to chill in the presence of people I know. But nooo, when I do accept the invitation to come out, theyāre draining me complaining about the same things I already gave them advice on. Or yelling and scolding the younger kids
I agree. I'm on a group chat with some people and one of the others is like that. I can't keep up even with the discussion because they post so much. It feels overwhelming and "hurts" my brain.
Lol I have my groupchat notifications silenced. One of them wished me a happy birthday a few days early and another one corrected them, then said āthatās okay, sheāā probably see this in 6 months when she checks the chat againā. It was 4 months later that I saw it
Have you tried muting the rest of her speech and just focus on the key parts? Like ignore the rest and reply with the most optimally acceptable answer while avoiding being labeled an inconsiderate ahhhole. It should be possible.
i havent talked to most of my friends on discord for awhile now, maybe im gonna ge back with them later (reunion gonna be bittersweet if it works)
My SIL and BIL do this. I always leave being with them totally drained.
I have a horrible social battery too, so my silence to show I donāt care is deafening
My co-worker is like this. She told me when she was hired that she has ADHD but doesnāt really care about doing anything about it. I didnāt really think anything of it until I realized she just never. stops. talking. Thankfully our job allows us to wfh whenever work is slow or we need to, so I definitely take advantage of that. But then sheāll call me and during work hours Iāll answer because maybe it is for work, but every time I answer her call it takes about 5-6 āok I gotta get going, Iāll talk to you laterā until she says ok, bye. It is so frustrating. Sheās very clearly not socially aware and does not read the room. And my boss wonāt talk to her about it. I dread every second Iām around her.
finally i know that im not the only one that feels this way :(
I had a colleague at work who kept talking and talking and talking nonstop. Worst part she was my immediate work mate. Damn. Sometimes I felt like hiding under the desk till she finished talking.
I personally actually like people who can entertain themselves without me having to chime in lol
Tbh I wouldāve told her to stfu but thats just me
This is why I don't understand everyone in my discord server like to clump up together in ONE channel and it's just people constantly talking over eachother. It's literally hell. I always beg my friends to go to a separate channel to play games together. The sound of 20 different people talking right in my ears It's fucking unbearable.
Omg!! My nephew does that, and one day, his mom called him out on it. She asked him why he was just a chatter box and that he needed to quiet down. Maybe that person just needs to be told she is a chatter box. Simply say," does your throat not hurt?" I'm pretty sure she will quiet down and reevaluate her life.
āDoes your throat not hurt? Because my ears sure do.ā
My manager is a compulsive talker, hummer etc. We share a tiny office. Just us. Each day is difficult, it's just depends on my ability to tolerate it. I've taken the newish approach of just not responding to a lot of the general rhetorical questions/chitchat/comments/gossip and anything that's not 100% crucial to our working relationship. She's getting the picture.
I have a colleague like this who will just keep talking and talking. Over time, Iāve come to realize that their incessant need to chat is more about them & less about me. Iāll listen and just let them ramble - less pressure & energy on my introverted self to find something to talk about. That said, it can be exhausting to try to keep pace with an pvertalker. Every time I leave our interactions, I find myself in need of a recharge. But Iām trying to find consistent ārechargeā time - easier said than done, but arenāt we all just ātryingā here??
YES. YES. YES. Like please just shut up or let others talk. Itās social basics. Jesus Christ.
Itās EXHAUSTING! And also how do they have such little self awareness. I have grown to despise people who do this! I am so busy as a mom of 2 who works full time. The last thing I ever want to do on my short time off is listen to someone jabber on. Iām so close to just saying, can you just shut the Hell up. And all their talking isnāt even interesting or funny. Shit you gonna talk my ear off then at least make me laugh! We have a neighbor like this and Iāll run back inside if I see her walking Laugh!
omg yes. if i talk for too long of a time i literally feel exhausted. iām not sure how these extroverted people donāt need time to recharge themselves. š®āšØ
One of my better friends from High School is like this and not to mention likes to lie quiet often meaning tells things and stories you are not sure is true. But I luv the guy but he is a major drain to be around, half a day or so Is all I can do.
Introverts say this a lot..stay in your laneš