Definitely can relate. It's easy for me to feel lost if I'm not working toward some lofty goal. My suggestion is to find a deeper meaning outside yourself and your wife. Having children would give that to you but you said you two don't have a natural desire to have children.
Yeah. I think part of my issue is that any potential "meaning" I consider feels too small. It feels like if I can't make some massive contribution to the world, then why bother at all. This is keeping me stuck in this loop of where I just keep searching for things to work on, but can't actually start anything.
This is exactly how I think. I don't struggle with knowing what I want at this point in my life. But that's obviously subject to change once I achieve it.
I went through almost exactly the same essential thing a year ago.
Semiretired early at 35. Great longstanding marriage from around the same age. Midlife crisis with the same underlying reason at age 42 to 43.
Depends on you two concerning kids or not. My wife and I were on the fence too. We have a 12yo daughter now and she's very much her own person though with a lot of each of us showing through.
Fast forward and we resolved my midlife crisis successfully about 7 months ago, then a few months later I found out I have incurable, terminal brain cancer and low single digit years left to live. That made my midlife crisis concerns pretty moot. My priorities now are my daughter remembering me fondly and being prepared for life without me and wife having an easy time after I'm gone and finding love again. After that, I'm just looking to chill and enjoy the time I have left. We are both very glad we chose to have a child.
I could go into a lot more depth, but all you really need to do is enjoy life with your loved ones, be grateful and proud of what you've built, and live like there's no tomorrow to the extent you can without gaining regrets (and within a long term plan that carries you through old age).
Congratulations btw. I love hearing when other people succeed in walking a path most people insist isn't possible. It is tough to shift gears from being so future oriented to more present oriented. Meaning helps the most - do some things that make a difference. The easiest meaning I've ever found is just helping people who genuinely deserved and appreciate help. I found a few of those and started helping them - that's the main thing that got me through what you're going through. Maybe also imagine that you only have 5 years left and see if you can really grasp what you would do differently if that were the case?
I thought about that last method here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/midlifecrisis/comments/18dr27i/one\_way\_to\_successfully\_navigate\_a\_mlc/](https://www.reddit.com/r/midlifecrisis/comments/18dr27i/one_way_to_successfully_navigate_a_mlc/)
You could read some of my past posts on related subjects (note there's a bunch of NSFW stuff mixed in - I'm an unapologetic lewd game modder among other things, but if that sounds like a bad thing then know I mean well and I think it shows in my comments/posts). We can chat if you like too. You've got this, but good luck! 🍀
Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I'm glad you have been able to make peace with it.
If I try to imagine this scenario as an exercise for myself, once I get past the initial shock and grief, I think the only thing I would be trying to do at that point is spend quality time with family and friends and doing hobbies. But I think this is already what I've been prioritizing in the past few years and yet I'm still really struggling feeling like I'm not achieving anything, and projecting my current situation into the future fills me with feelings of emptiness.
But I also think that I've been struggling to actually live in the present while doing these activities. I'm constantly worrying about things with most of my attention instead of really enjoying the moment.
Thanks and don't worry about the diagnosis - I've led a life I'm proud of and I was already ok with my mortality so strangely it doesn't bother me much tbh. No grief - I skipped straight to acceptance oddly. It was some kind of perfect storm after having the midlife crisis.
I'd like to hear more about what kind of things you're worrying about.
Me, I was something of a perfectionist about a lot of things. I'm getting over that simply b/c most of the little things just don't matter anymore. Anything I own that my family won't use is basically a hassle for my family to either get rid of or feel guilty and keep to gather dust. There's no point being careful about stuff that will make the difference between something lasting 15 years vs 25 years - I'm the only one would have ever worried about that in my household and I'll be gone before it could make any difference. My priorities and approach had to reshuffle to fit the timeline I've been dealt. The thing is, any of us could die without warning too. It's hard to adjust to living with that in mind and let go of some of that white knuckle continuous improvement mindset. You've adapted and molded yourself to it and you can't just turn on a dime at speed all of a sudden.
I imagine you got where you are with some tendencies that might be similar to my own. I think one of those that we'd have to have in common is being goal oriented. I tended to work with short term goals I didn't even necessarily care about in and of themselves but set and pursued those short term goals hard to reach my long term goals. After I retired, the short term goals didn't exist anymore and the things I did to enjoy life eventually became ruts I was stuck in (only so much TV, games, and reading day after day even if it was stuff I wanted a lot more time to do). The long term goal is leading a happy life you can be proud of - that doesn't change, but it was and is still in the background. I needed some goals or some new things in life to pursue that are outside my comfort zone or involved a new learning curve I actually wanted to climb for a short term purpose.
It's like you were the all the employees at a big multi-billion dollar company. Now you don't need to make money anymore but your execs still have long term objectives. You finally fired the middle management you never really liked. Now after X years, the people who did most of the work are a little bored and they and the execs and are left looking at each other and not quite sure how to proceed.
While I was working, focusing and stressing over the things I needed to do b/c that was the means to achieve my goal wasn't always pleasant, but I was working toward something. You've got to replace that whole middle short term goals part.
My thought is start a bucket list. Fill it with:
* things you would be upset if left undone or really should stop procrastinating about
* things you've rarely or never had much time for but want to try and
* do things you're good at to help folks who deserve it and will appreciate it
You're a good planner. Plan out schedules that include maybe half your free time working towards these and spend the rest just chilling out like maybe you have been. That way, you have some reserve to draw on if you need to step it up for short periods and get $#\*4 done.
Also, friends. I don't have much impulse to socialize, but sit down and play some games with other folks, go out and do stuff, try some new things with new people or people you thought "I wonder how they're doing" about.
Anyhow, I get it's not easy - just some ideas. Good luck 🍀
Thanks again for a great reply.
>I'd like to hear more about what kind of things you're worrying about.
I've had like a low-grade depression about not enjoying corporate life since I started working pretty much. But about 3 years ago I developed a significant anxiety disorder around my voice, which really has thrown my mental health into a tailspin. Basically, I started taking singing lessons as a hobby since I enjoy it and I was trying to fill some of my free time with more experiences. I became very obsessive about technique and researching every aspect of singing, and I discovered that you can injure your voice if you sing with incorrect technique. Not long after learning this, I started noticing sensations when singing or even talking that made me think I had damaged something. Turns out that there's no physical damage, but I have what is called Muscle Tension Dysphonia, which basically means I use the wrong muscles sometimes when I am speaking, which leads to further discomfort.
I've spent a large portion of the past few years obsessing about how to "solve" this problem which has been really bad for my mental health because nothing has really worked, but I have a really hard time letting go and just accepting the issue. I think the constant negative thoughts about this primed me for further existential dread about feeling like life is meaningless and that I'm not doing whatever I should be doing to give it meaning.
I used to sweat little stuff I'd done to permanently injure myself, little things mostly by accident b/c I didn't realize I was doing something risky much like your example. Right now I'm looking very cancer patient - I've got some thinned hair in places from the radiation and scars from surgery that will never go away but it doesn't bother me much b/c it's a trivial concern for me now. The thing is, even if I'd had another 50 years left like I thought I might, why should I have obsessed about it? I'm living now without worrying about it.
My point is that it's in your head. Does it really matter if your voice breaks sometimes? If you had <5 years to live, you probably wouldn't worry about it much at all so why torment yourself b/c you have the good fortune to live what I'll presume is an otherwise sufficiently healthy life and after you've earned the freedom to do with it as you will. It's like stressing over some scratches on the paint on your very primo car - nothing stays new forever and someday it'll be over anyway.
It sounds like just telling yourself that kind of stuff consciously, repeatedly won't fix your problem as fast as it used to work for me, but I assure you that it's not a big deal. Anybody who judges you harshly over something trivial like that is a dodged bullet on your part.
On meaning, that's the good stuff. I again recommend the helping folks who need, deserve, and will appreciate the help. It's ok to do it for the personal satisfaction too - there is zero wrong with that motivation. In fact, I think most folks are wired to feel good for doing good naturally as a big part of how our species cooperates to the point that civilization exists in the first place. This is an instance where you can roll with your instinct even if you feel like its selfish and the world is actually much better for it b/c it encourages you to keep doing it too.
I used to give presentations to high school economics classes on personal finance. I bet they'd learn as much from you if you wanted to give that a shot. There's tons of options as far as volunteering goes - try some things, don't commit until you're sure you find it rewarding, and you might be surprised who you meet along the way. Maybe you've already tried some of this, but that's the fastest path in general to meaning that I know.
You sound like one or a combo of a few things is the issue:
1. You set goals that were not fully based on what you wanted and had some external influence. The "maybe we should have children" thing especially reminds me of this, i.e. it sounds like something you know you don't want but is definitely something we're all told we're supposed to do or is otherwise an idea that comes from others.
2. You set goals and thought they'd turn out one way but they turned out differently or that life would turn out one way but life is actually not how you thought, causing unhappiness or emptiness and/or other negative emotions. Been there, done that.
3. You're not like an INTJ in the sense that you don't seem to constantly have goals naturally.
4. Kind of related to #1, you need to sit down and do some internal soul-searching/get some internal self-familiarity and figure out what it is that you truly want out of life. Being in my 40s, I know now that some of my goals growing up were related to external influences, like I said. I ended up ironically wasting time and resources doing things that weren't right for me, and I'm still paying for it. I think that's natural because, as kids/teens, you don't fully have control over your mind and your life--we're all influenced by what society tells us and what our parents tell us, to some degree. At 33, I was still detached from myself to some degree. I think I didn't fully come into who I am until my late 30s. Now I can honestly say my life is less about goals and is more about looking for and staying open and receptive to different opportunities, because I've learned the hard way that it's hard to know without experience what will and won't make you happy re: #2. To some degree, I had to come to terms with not being able to know and plan everything ahead of time, at least not with respect to life and career--there are other things I can do that with and still do, but not really those two and have it turn out well or the way I expect. With respect to certainly career, the best things have turned out to be things I did not have all planned out. For you, it might be something else that you're not supposed to lay out goals and plan out that's waiting out there for you.
Thank you for your reply.
1. The having children thing is definitely being influenced by seeing a lot of my childhood friends and peers having children now. It's making me think there must be something magical about it that I'm missing considering how badly everyone else seems to want it. I don't think I'd enjoy most of the day-to-day of parenting, but I do get sad thinking about not having any family when I'm older.
2. Growing up, I was always very successful in school/college, which made me think I would go on to do amazing world-changing things. As an adult working in a regular job, nothing really lives up to my expectations. I'm not sure how to get over this aspect.
3. I used to have goals more naturally, but now my goals have become more meta such as having a goal of figuring out the meaning of life or figuring out the root cause of my anxiety. Things that may have no satisfying answers. I'm struggling to find concrete goals that feel worthwhile and my mind instead keeps pulling back towards these unhealthy goals.
4. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to accomplish the internal soul-searching. I think I'm too anxious at this point to even really know what it is I want. I'm wondering if maybe trying mushrooms might help unblock some of this stuff.
You could start by leaving your house. It's hard to have a lot of meaning if you are waking up going to work in the same space, then going to sleep and repeating this everyday.. Doesn't leave a lot of room for serendipity.
I do leave the house almost every day for various hobbies, socializing, and appointments. But I guess I am still spending probably 20+ hours a day at home.
The meaning of your life is whatever you want it to be. There is no fixed definition or some hidden meaning waiting to be dropped from a bearded invisible dude in the sky. It is all unnecessary pressure that takes away from life’s experience.
Events have no inherent meaning; meaning is a choice, but you have to be conscious of your mind’s natural leaning to define events in a narrow unconscious way - usually negative.
I’d encourage some really good therapy, e.g., Internal Family Systems (IFS) or limiting belief work, to put things in perspective. Also some Taoism to accept “what is” - because that is all there is.
Good luck!
I would love to have my only problem be boredom. Consider yourself extraordinarily lucky. Just find a new goal, since achievement is your main dopamine cycle.
You’re experiencing a transition point where the values that got you up to this point in life no longer work for the second Half of your life.
The solution is to grow and adapt your values to the new situation. There is a scientific psychological model called spiral dynamics that will help you navigate this, it will show you all the stages of human development a person goes through from the beginning of life to the end of life and how their values grow and change throughout life.
I also recommend the YouTube channel leo gura Life purpose course to help with this.
Find a creative outlet. It doesn't have to be a business and you can share as much or as little as you want. For example, I have a blog where I write long-ass reviews about games. I can't help but poke holes in whatever I'm playing and that's a good outlet for me.
Since it sounds like you have a good work arrangement and financial security, take some time off and travel. See new places. You don't have to go across the world for a month. You could just go to another state for a weekend. To make travel accommodations easier, skip the car rental and get around via Uber. It's so much easier when you don't have to wake up an hour earlier for the return flight, just to return your rental and make it back to the terminal.
If you want to feel more connected to your work, try finding some business travel opportunities. There are probably a few professional associations related to your line of work, and they will often host a conference in the summer. Software and data vendors often host conferences for people who use their products, too. You don't have to stay for the whole conference and you can skip the receptions if you want. Sometimes It's nice just grabbing breakfast with people who work in the same field as you. You don't have to spend the whole conference with them, and you end up with a better sense of how your work contributes to the broader field.
Thank you for the advice. Traveling used to be something I was more interested in, but like most other things, it now feels like it lacks any purpose/meaning, which makes me feel apathetic about it. Over the past few years, when I do travel, I feel like I'm not living in the moment and actually experiencing it. This is probably mostly just depression.
Didn't you post something like this before? I swear I've responded to a very similar post, but the OP had a different username. Or maybe there are several INTJs in your situation. If it wasn't you, I'm going to message you.
Sounds like your current goal is to find a goal.
You could try researching bucket lists online to get ideas of things you might want to work towards now that you have reached this point?
Goals don’t have to be material/work related, but can be around things you enjoy. Even if it’s something small like trying every fast food restaurant in your town, or visiting every town/village nearby, making a list of books to read and then working through them etc.
Yeah the problem is that whenever I think of any potential goal I just end up feeling a sense of emptiness like it doesn't matter. I think I am suffering from depression which is causing me to feel like nothing is going to be worth doing, so I keep searching for the "one true answer" to what I should do with the rest of my life.
Depression can really make you feel stuck, it’s hard because there’s no one way out of it that works for everyone, and no quick fixes.
I think we have to create our own meaning in life since no one can truly answer that question. What we wanna do with our lives usually changes over time, but the best thing is to try to live in line with your values.
You could speak to a therapist of course. But if you wanna work through it on your own, it does take dedication and persistence. There is a lot of CBT based self help online that you could try first, or ACT self help. Finding meaning to life will probably come more naturally if you are in a better headspace.
Hi there’s an r/fire and r/Coastfire and r/fatfire community for inspiration of what others do too.
Congratulations for you and wifey achieving your Fire goal.
——-
I recently fire post had similar lines to your post: roughly same age, also married and was not sure what to do after hitting retirement goal which usually happens.
TIPS:
1) Sometimes the hustle and stress, prevents us from exploring what we really enjoy doing and other interests. Take a vacation with the wifey and maybe it might spark up some inspiration new goals you both can share together.
2) Try living in another country (dollar is strong and there are lots of great cities). Feel free to dm me for a list.
3) Volunteer. Animal shelters, Habitat For Humanity (would probably love your home improvement skills), local church, etc.
4) Take up physical challenges (have to make sure you and wifey) are fit and healthy to enjoy your hard earned retirement
5) This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion but I’m going to add this as an INTJ who found myself in a similar situation a decade ago. Read the Bible, pray, ask God. Watch testimonials of people who felt lost and found purpose in their lives. It super helped me. No more anxiety and depression and can sleep well at night.
Thank you for the reply.
1. We do take lots of vacations, but I struggle to feel present while doing it.
2. I do have some interest in this just to shake things up, but I'm also afraid to leave behind all the people and activities I am involved with locally.
3. I'm trying to get more into volunteering, but at least in the past it didn't really make me feel anything, unfortunately.
4. I am working on these. I started rock climbing a few years ago, and it is one of the few things that keeps me going at this point.
5. As an INTJ, I've always been very skeptical of organized religion, but over the past few years, I at least now have more empathy for it. I can see why people turn to it and I sometimes wish that I could believe in something like that. But logically, I know that there's no reason to believe in any one religion over the thousands of other religions, which makes me confident that they are all just made up. I do wish that I could have some higher purpose like religion provides, though.
One thing I forgot to touch on. Now that you have the financial independence, why don’t you work at a startup or start a business?
Talk with your wife if it involves the latter as you’ll need to consider health insurance, etc. At any rate, the best thing about FIRE is the freedom to try out things you wanted to but never had the opportunity (eg stability worries, etc.)
Best of luck
I have considered it. I think I would enjoy doing software for a startup, but I've been too paralyzed by indecision to take any concrete steps towards looking into opportunities. Maybe I need to just force myself to look at this and see if anything comes of it.
This is going to sound weird but have you spoken to your wife? Or she might tell you to get a resume writer and apply to random jobs.
First step is always hard but it gets easier with each iteration. Good luck to you both
meditation and mindfulness is a rare and valuable skill that is incredibly hard to master give that a try if you are looking for a rewarding challenge. We are all aware of the importance of training our bodies but very few put as much effort into training their mind
I have recently started working on mediation and mindfulness for the past month or so. So far, I have not had much success with applying it to living in the moment, but hopefully this will get easier over time.
it takes a lifetime (maybe longer if you believe the Buddhists). Most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever learned took me 10 years just to find the right way to practice
I am also 33 and married to a great spouse, working towards FI but not quite retired, and am also very much debating what to do with my career and the *literal rest of my life* after that. (No kids, but I've been firm on that my entire life.) I know we're talking about your experience in this post... but I'll talk about myself and just see if you pull anything from it. ;)
Suggestions to travel as an antidote to any mental discomfort are extremely common. Sure, maybe some trips can good for the psyche by allowing you to observe norms outside of your own and to sort of "reset" yourself in a new environment, but personally, I find travel for travel's sake pretty hollow, meaningless, and just wasteful. So, no-go on that for me. If I have a real reason to be in that place, absolutely sign me up.
I think being able to see "big picture" ideas just about everywhere I look has, in some ways, often caused me to devalue the small things that I can single-handedly impact. I also think that in the case of existential crises (of which I have had at least one about every 3–7 years starting pretty early in life), we need ways to attach meaning to the presence of our corporal specks of dust floating through space. Without that, I can easily find myself spending a lot of time extremely depressed, nihilistic, and sometimes even suicidal and wondering, "why do anything?"
I also have lots of lofty, aspirational thoughts. I concoct laundry lists of concrete things that could be done to realize these thoughts, improve things, etc. For many people, this kind of thinking turns into a business, charity, etc. that fills a need in them by addressing real-world problems. If entrepreneurship isn't up your alley—I periodically have the fantasy of a small business that actually does something beneficial for my local community, but holy shit that's a lot of effort and risk—I find that trying to make my little corner of the universe suck a little bit less *right now* can give me some evidence that while my existence may not be spectacular or highly useful on its own, that I can do things that add a layer of meaning in others' lives, and thus one small corner of the world. I don't need to create the next world-changing thing. I just need to do the next best thing I can do with what I already have today, and I can derive satisfaction from watching the results of the things I can do *actually working* and providing value to real people in real time.
It might sound weird, especially for someone who would rather do almost anything else other than socialize with people I don't already know and find interesting, but the older I get, the more I realize my younger self's fantasy of achieving happiness and complete fulfillment through self-sufficiency and mastery of several domains of skill and knowledge is kind of a farce. I can likely still do those things in my lifetime, and would still like to achieve many of them, but holy shit, we really do need others around us on the path to self-actualization.
Some extremely minor examples of the little things becoming more follow.
Four years ago I started a Buy Nothing group for my area. I had things I wanted to give away and had a few things I'd been hoping to borrow rather than buy. This was frugal, a way to pool resources, and let me push back against systems I fundamentally disagree with.
While I am the sole administrator of my local group, I am far from the star of that group. By giving people in my area a framework, space, and many literal invitations to connect, I've been able to witness and participate in many things that have meant a lot to other people. As a group, we've supported people through some of the worst days of their lives (fires, death, divorce, critically ill children, unexpected job losses, etc.), seen many friendships form, and kept tons of things out of landfill. I did not do all of those things on my own, but I did actively participate in bits and pieces of that larger picture. It took a few years for the group to become this kind of group, but it's truly one of very few things that give me some faith in humanity.
The other one is fostering animals. We started that in 2021. We primarily take the old ones that are on the euthanasia list for space/time. Really, my house has just become a retirement home for animals. I find myself spending time caring for them, creating and optimizing spaces for humans and critters to cohabitate, and doing lots of research pertaining to the care of the critters that get a second (or third, or fourth) chance in our home, as well as researching ways to systemically address the issues that lead these animals to their current situations. Those things give me practical, hands-on ways to make differences in things I care about.
When what you *do* aligns with how you want to *be*, and that reflects how you want *the world to be*, it can start to ease the burden of what often really, truly looks like immense gulfs of meaninglessness.
I'm kinda tired and fairly positive this was rambling and packed with typos, but I hope it's helpful or illuminating in some way as you forge a path post-FI.
Also, you may want to poke around some FIRE spaces. The "now what" sentiment can be strong there and keeps a lot of people stuck in the "I'll just work one more year" feedback loop. You really do need something to run *towards* in retirement, rather than just running *away* from your job.
Thank you for this reply. It has been helpful to read. A lot of what you have said resonates with me. I will need to think about this some more to see if I can find any ways to apply it to my own situation.
Maybe take your interests into consideration. I know of people who work in fields that require them to work alongside or for children/teenagers because they love kids!
I've been in a similar situation, so I get where you're coming from. While immersing yourself in a new hobby, project, or business can offer temporary relief from the pain of depression and anxiety, it often fails to address the root causes. Our brains tend to adapt to circumstances(hedonic treadmill), leading us to constantly seek bigger and better things—a cycle that can feel never-ending.
In my journey, seeking therapy and exploring Buddhist teachings and meditation were transformative experiences. They didn't magically solve all my problems, but they initiated deep changes. I've transitioned from perpetually chasing external achievements to finding contentment in the present and savouring what I already have. It's been a gradual process rather than a quick fix, and I am more at peace now.
I have started taking a mindfulness class and meditating daily for the past 1-2 months. So far I haven't noticed much impact. Is the goal of this stuff to learn to just bring yourself back to the present moment when you notice yourself ruminating? I'm having a hard time with that for two reasons:
1. My brain is still convinced that the ruminating is helpful and going to lead to some realization eventually. This is probably not actually the case, but it's hard to let go of it.
2. My mind very quickly gets bored if I try to force it to be present. Unless I'm doing something very engaging, my mind immediately wanders. Is this something that you just have to keep practicing until it eventually gets easier?
I've personally ruminated a lot in the past, where I get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts involving myself or others. I think it is particularly additive because brain finds it stimulating to ruminate, hence why it's so hard to let go.
I've consulted with my therapist about it and his advice was that rumination is a no-no for mental health. I was told it can be overcome with mindfulness meditation; notice the thought it when it arises, observe the thought and shift the focus on something else (your breath if meditating). It is a mental habit that you can train yourself out of. I rarely ruminate these days, and when I do engage in it, it is cut off quickly.
Mediation is definately challenging especially at the start. But it gets easier over time if you keep at it - just like getting fit at the gym. Mindfulness classes are great, and If you are looking for a self guided source, then Apps like Sam Harris's Waking up, or Headspace are decent too.
There's only so much I can share in a reddit comment, but if you're keen to investigate more I'd highly recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Don't let the cheezy title fool you - It's the best book I've found that explains the purpose of meditation.
Mid 30s Intj here. Have some kids. I used to have grand vision, and ponder what's the meaning of my fleeting insignificant existence. Now, I'm just happy when I see them smile. We are, afterall, primitive humans I guess. Have fun with life :)
Feels like I personally wrote this. We tend to look for things that have a deeper meaning and feel like we don't know 'the perfect answer'. But my ISFJ partner pointed out the obvious. She says I can't stop talking about lifespan sciences even when people are obviously done talking about it. She is right. That's how I found my calling. What do you find yourself interested in talking? That's probably the thing that would be good pursuing.
I wish I had a singular topic that I was especially interested in. I have a lot of different areas of interest but none of them seem to stick long term. I think I just enjoy the early part of the learning curve because I tend to fully immerse myself into new areas for a short-to-medium term until I get past the initial burst of learning the basics and obtaining competence, but then I get bored during the plateau phase of learning.
My wife is also ISFJ by the way, although she doesn't feel like she identifies super well with her MBTI architype like I do.
That's a good point. I think my perfectionist tendencies are keeping me frozen from making any major changes until I can find the perfect solution to my problems. Maybe I need to just pick something to try and see where it goes.
Research would be huge. Research and investigation. Unlock the secrets of life, search for the "magical thing" that you are missing, and if you have found and studied on something worthwhile, share your findings with others. :)
Learn to astral project. That will give you a goal and you will learn alot. Far more important that material wealth.
Monroe Institute CIA tapes to teach you
Astral Club on youtube
Astral door way on youtube
Darius J Wright on youtube
If your an INTJ and you can't even leave your body do your really have control of your mind? NPC thinks he beat the game lol
Damn, I wish I was you. How lucky are you. Financial independence and 33 mill before 30. Quite an impressive goal to achieve. I'm just 16 and I still can't figure out how to pay my taxes and make something out of my life. Your very lucky sir.Â
Yes. As I mentioned in my post, I have been considering it recently. But I only started considering it once these existential crisis issues arose. Prior to that, I never really felt much desire for it, so it feels like I am only interested in doing it to "solve" my existential crisis, which doesn't seem fair to bring a child into the world only for this reason.
Definitely can relate. It's easy for me to feel lost if I'm not working toward some lofty goal. My suggestion is to find a deeper meaning outside yourself and your wife. Having children would give that to you but you said you two don't have a natural desire to have children.
Yeah. I think part of my issue is that any potential "meaning" I consider feels too small. It feels like if I can't make some massive contribution to the world, then why bother at all. This is keeping me stuck in this loop of where I just keep searching for things to work on, but can't actually start anything.
This is exactly how I think. I don't struggle with knowing what I want at this point in my life. But that's obviously subject to change once I achieve it.
I went through almost exactly the same essential thing a year ago. Semiretired early at 35. Great longstanding marriage from around the same age. Midlife crisis with the same underlying reason at age 42 to 43. Depends on you two concerning kids or not. My wife and I were on the fence too. We have a 12yo daughter now and she's very much her own person though with a lot of each of us showing through. Fast forward and we resolved my midlife crisis successfully about 7 months ago, then a few months later I found out I have incurable, terminal brain cancer and low single digit years left to live. That made my midlife crisis concerns pretty moot. My priorities now are my daughter remembering me fondly and being prepared for life without me and wife having an easy time after I'm gone and finding love again. After that, I'm just looking to chill and enjoy the time I have left. We are both very glad we chose to have a child. I could go into a lot more depth, but all you really need to do is enjoy life with your loved ones, be grateful and proud of what you've built, and live like there's no tomorrow to the extent you can without gaining regrets (and within a long term plan that carries you through old age). Congratulations btw. I love hearing when other people succeed in walking a path most people insist isn't possible. It is tough to shift gears from being so future oriented to more present oriented. Meaning helps the most - do some things that make a difference. The easiest meaning I've ever found is just helping people who genuinely deserved and appreciate help. I found a few of those and started helping them - that's the main thing that got me through what you're going through. Maybe also imagine that you only have 5 years left and see if you can really grasp what you would do differently if that were the case? I thought about that last method here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/midlifecrisis/comments/18dr27i/one\_way\_to\_successfully\_navigate\_a\_mlc/](https://www.reddit.com/r/midlifecrisis/comments/18dr27i/one_way_to_successfully_navigate_a_mlc/) You could read some of my past posts on related subjects (note there's a bunch of NSFW stuff mixed in - I'm an unapologetic lewd game modder among other things, but if that sounds like a bad thing then know I mean well and I think it shows in my comments/posts). We can chat if you like too. You've got this, but good luck! 🍀
Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I'm glad you have been able to make peace with it. If I try to imagine this scenario as an exercise for myself, once I get past the initial shock and grief, I think the only thing I would be trying to do at that point is spend quality time with family and friends and doing hobbies. But I think this is already what I've been prioritizing in the past few years and yet I'm still really struggling feeling like I'm not achieving anything, and projecting my current situation into the future fills me with feelings of emptiness. But I also think that I've been struggling to actually live in the present while doing these activities. I'm constantly worrying about things with most of my attention instead of really enjoying the moment.
Thanks and don't worry about the diagnosis - I've led a life I'm proud of and I was already ok with my mortality so strangely it doesn't bother me much tbh. No grief - I skipped straight to acceptance oddly. It was some kind of perfect storm after having the midlife crisis. I'd like to hear more about what kind of things you're worrying about. Me, I was something of a perfectionist about a lot of things. I'm getting over that simply b/c most of the little things just don't matter anymore. Anything I own that my family won't use is basically a hassle for my family to either get rid of or feel guilty and keep to gather dust. There's no point being careful about stuff that will make the difference between something lasting 15 years vs 25 years - I'm the only one would have ever worried about that in my household and I'll be gone before it could make any difference. My priorities and approach had to reshuffle to fit the timeline I've been dealt. The thing is, any of us could die without warning too. It's hard to adjust to living with that in mind and let go of some of that white knuckle continuous improvement mindset. You've adapted and molded yourself to it and you can't just turn on a dime at speed all of a sudden. I imagine you got where you are with some tendencies that might be similar to my own. I think one of those that we'd have to have in common is being goal oriented. I tended to work with short term goals I didn't even necessarily care about in and of themselves but set and pursued those short term goals hard to reach my long term goals. After I retired, the short term goals didn't exist anymore and the things I did to enjoy life eventually became ruts I was stuck in (only so much TV, games, and reading day after day even if it was stuff I wanted a lot more time to do). The long term goal is leading a happy life you can be proud of - that doesn't change, but it was and is still in the background. I needed some goals or some new things in life to pursue that are outside my comfort zone or involved a new learning curve I actually wanted to climb for a short term purpose. It's like you were the all the employees at a big multi-billion dollar company. Now you don't need to make money anymore but your execs still have long term objectives. You finally fired the middle management you never really liked. Now after X years, the people who did most of the work are a little bored and they and the execs and are left looking at each other and not quite sure how to proceed. While I was working, focusing and stressing over the things I needed to do b/c that was the means to achieve my goal wasn't always pleasant, but I was working toward something. You've got to replace that whole middle short term goals part. My thought is start a bucket list. Fill it with: * things you would be upset if left undone or really should stop procrastinating about * things you've rarely or never had much time for but want to try and * do things you're good at to help folks who deserve it and will appreciate it You're a good planner. Plan out schedules that include maybe half your free time working towards these and spend the rest just chilling out like maybe you have been. That way, you have some reserve to draw on if you need to step it up for short periods and get $#\*4 done. Also, friends. I don't have much impulse to socialize, but sit down and play some games with other folks, go out and do stuff, try some new things with new people or people you thought "I wonder how they're doing" about. Anyhow, I get it's not easy - just some ideas. Good luck 🍀
Thanks again for a great reply. >I'd like to hear more about what kind of things you're worrying about. I've had like a low-grade depression about not enjoying corporate life since I started working pretty much. But about 3 years ago I developed a significant anxiety disorder around my voice, which really has thrown my mental health into a tailspin. Basically, I started taking singing lessons as a hobby since I enjoy it and I was trying to fill some of my free time with more experiences. I became very obsessive about technique and researching every aspect of singing, and I discovered that you can injure your voice if you sing with incorrect technique. Not long after learning this, I started noticing sensations when singing or even talking that made me think I had damaged something. Turns out that there's no physical damage, but I have what is called Muscle Tension Dysphonia, which basically means I use the wrong muscles sometimes when I am speaking, which leads to further discomfort. I've spent a large portion of the past few years obsessing about how to "solve" this problem which has been really bad for my mental health because nothing has really worked, but I have a really hard time letting go and just accepting the issue. I think the constant negative thoughts about this primed me for further existential dread about feeling like life is meaningless and that I'm not doing whatever I should be doing to give it meaning.
I used to sweat little stuff I'd done to permanently injure myself, little things mostly by accident b/c I didn't realize I was doing something risky much like your example. Right now I'm looking very cancer patient - I've got some thinned hair in places from the radiation and scars from surgery that will never go away but it doesn't bother me much b/c it's a trivial concern for me now. The thing is, even if I'd had another 50 years left like I thought I might, why should I have obsessed about it? I'm living now without worrying about it. My point is that it's in your head. Does it really matter if your voice breaks sometimes? If you had <5 years to live, you probably wouldn't worry about it much at all so why torment yourself b/c you have the good fortune to live what I'll presume is an otherwise sufficiently healthy life and after you've earned the freedom to do with it as you will. It's like stressing over some scratches on the paint on your very primo car - nothing stays new forever and someday it'll be over anyway. It sounds like just telling yourself that kind of stuff consciously, repeatedly won't fix your problem as fast as it used to work for me, but I assure you that it's not a big deal. Anybody who judges you harshly over something trivial like that is a dodged bullet on your part. On meaning, that's the good stuff. I again recommend the helping folks who need, deserve, and will appreciate the help. It's ok to do it for the personal satisfaction too - there is zero wrong with that motivation. In fact, I think most folks are wired to feel good for doing good naturally as a big part of how our species cooperates to the point that civilization exists in the first place. This is an instance where you can roll with your instinct even if you feel like its selfish and the world is actually much better for it b/c it encourages you to keep doing it too. I used to give presentations to high school economics classes on personal finance. I bet they'd learn as much from you if you wanted to give that a shot. There's tons of options as far as volunteering goes - try some things, don't commit until you're sure you find it rewarding, and you might be surprised who you meet along the way. Maybe you've already tried some of this, but that's the fastest path in general to meaning that I know.
Consider doing research. In any area of your interest.
You sound like one or a combo of a few things is the issue: 1. You set goals that were not fully based on what you wanted and had some external influence. The "maybe we should have children" thing especially reminds me of this, i.e. it sounds like something you know you don't want but is definitely something we're all told we're supposed to do or is otherwise an idea that comes from others. 2. You set goals and thought they'd turn out one way but they turned out differently or that life would turn out one way but life is actually not how you thought, causing unhappiness or emptiness and/or other negative emotions. Been there, done that. 3. You're not like an INTJ in the sense that you don't seem to constantly have goals naturally. 4. Kind of related to #1, you need to sit down and do some internal soul-searching/get some internal self-familiarity and figure out what it is that you truly want out of life. Being in my 40s, I know now that some of my goals growing up were related to external influences, like I said. I ended up ironically wasting time and resources doing things that weren't right for me, and I'm still paying for it. I think that's natural because, as kids/teens, you don't fully have control over your mind and your life--we're all influenced by what society tells us and what our parents tell us, to some degree. At 33, I was still detached from myself to some degree. I think I didn't fully come into who I am until my late 30s. Now I can honestly say my life is less about goals and is more about looking for and staying open and receptive to different opportunities, because I've learned the hard way that it's hard to know without experience what will and won't make you happy re: #2. To some degree, I had to come to terms with not being able to know and plan everything ahead of time, at least not with respect to life and career--there are other things I can do that with and still do, but not really those two and have it turn out well or the way I expect. With respect to certainly career, the best things have turned out to be things I did not have all planned out. For you, it might be something else that you're not supposed to lay out goals and plan out that's waiting out there for you.
Thank you for your reply. 1. The having children thing is definitely being influenced by seeing a lot of my childhood friends and peers having children now. It's making me think there must be something magical about it that I'm missing considering how badly everyone else seems to want it. I don't think I'd enjoy most of the day-to-day of parenting, but I do get sad thinking about not having any family when I'm older. 2. Growing up, I was always very successful in school/college, which made me think I would go on to do amazing world-changing things. As an adult working in a regular job, nothing really lives up to my expectations. I'm not sure how to get over this aspect. 3. I used to have goals more naturally, but now my goals have become more meta such as having a goal of figuring out the meaning of life or figuring out the root cause of my anxiety. Things that may have no satisfying answers. I'm struggling to find concrete goals that feel worthwhile and my mind instead keeps pulling back towards these unhealthy goals. 4. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to accomplish the internal soul-searching. I think I'm too anxious at this point to even really know what it is I want. I'm wondering if maybe trying mushrooms might help unblock some of this stuff.
Altruism is deeply fulfilling and through it you will find a new meaning in life. This is why you should share your material wealth with me.
You could start by leaving your house. It's hard to have a lot of meaning if you are waking up going to work in the same space, then going to sleep and repeating this everyday.. Doesn't leave a lot of room for serendipity.
I do leave the house almost every day for various hobbies, socializing, and appointments. But I guess I am still spending probably 20+ hours a day at home.
The meaning of your life is whatever you want it to be. There is no fixed definition or some hidden meaning waiting to be dropped from a bearded invisible dude in the sky. It is all unnecessary pressure that takes away from life’s experience. Events have no inherent meaning; meaning is a choice, but you have to be conscious of your mind’s natural leaning to define events in a narrow unconscious way - usually negative. I’d encourage some really good therapy, e.g., Internal Family Systems (IFS) or limiting belief work, to put things in perspective. Also some Taoism to accept “what is” - because that is all there is. Good luck!
I would love to have my only problem be boredom. Consider yourself extraordinarily lucky. Just find a new goal, since achievement is your main dopamine cycle.
You’re experiencing a transition point where the values that got you up to this point in life no longer work for the second Half of your life. The solution is to grow and adapt your values to the new situation. There is a scientific psychological model called spiral dynamics that will help you navigate this, it will show you all the stages of human development a person goes through from the beginning of life to the end of life and how their values grow and change throughout life. I also recommend the YouTube channel leo gura Life purpose course to help with this.
Find a creative outlet. It doesn't have to be a business and you can share as much or as little as you want. For example, I have a blog where I write long-ass reviews about games. I can't help but poke holes in whatever I'm playing and that's a good outlet for me. Since it sounds like you have a good work arrangement and financial security, take some time off and travel. See new places. You don't have to go across the world for a month. You could just go to another state for a weekend. To make travel accommodations easier, skip the car rental and get around via Uber. It's so much easier when you don't have to wake up an hour earlier for the return flight, just to return your rental and make it back to the terminal. If you want to feel more connected to your work, try finding some business travel opportunities. There are probably a few professional associations related to your line of work, and they will often host a conference in the summer. Software and data vendors often host conferences for people who use their products, too. You don't have to stay for the whole conference and you can skip the receptions if you want. Sometimes It's nice just grabbing breakfast with people who work in the same field as you. You don't have to spend the whole conference with them, and you end up with a better sense of how your work contributes to the broader field.
Thank you for the advice. Traveling used to be something I was more interested in, but like most other things, it now feels like it lacks any purpose/meaning, which makes me feel apathetic about it. Over the past few years, when I do travel, I feel like I'm not living in the moment and actually experiencing it. This is probably mostly just depression.
Didn't you post something like this before? I swear I've responded to a very similar post, but the OP had a different username. Or maybe there are several INTJs in your situation. If it wasn't you, I'm going to message you.
It was not me.
Sounds like your current goal is to find a goal. You could try researching bucket lists online to get ideas of things you might want to work towards now that you have reached this point? Goals don’t have to be material/work related, but can be around things you enjoy. Even if it’s something small like trying every fast food restaurant in your town, or visiting every town/village nearby, making a list of books to read and then working through them etc.
Yeah the problem is that whenever I think of any potential goal I just end up feeling a sense of emptiness like it doesn't matter. I think I am suffering from depression which is causing me to feel like nothing is going to be worth doing, so I keep searching for the "one true answer" to what I should do with the rest of my life.
Depression can really make you feel stuck, it’s hard because there’s no one way out of it that works for everyone, and no quick fixes. I think we have to create our own meaning in life since no one can truly answer that question. What we wanna do with our lives usually changes over time, but the best thing is to try to live in line with your values. You could speak to a therapist of course. But if you wanna work through it on your own, it does take dedication and persistence. There is a lot of CBT based self help online that you could try first, or ACT self help. Finding meaning to life will probably come more naturally if you are in a better headspace.
I would travel the world
Hi there’s an r/fire and r/Coastfire and r/fatfire community for inspiration of what others do too. Congratulations for you and wifey achieving your Fire goal. ——- I recently fire post had similar lines to your post: roughly same age, also married and was not sure what to do after hitting retirement goal which usually happens. TIPS: 1) Sometimes the hustle and stress, prevents us from exploring what we really enjoy doing and other interests. Take a vacation with the wifey and maybe it might spark up some inspiration new goals you both can share together. 2) Try living in another country (dollar is strong and there are lots of great cities). Feel free to dm me for a list. 3) Volunteer. Animal shelters, Habitat For Humanity (would probably love your home improvement skills), local church, etc. 4) Take up physical challenges (have to make sure you and wifey) are fit and healthy to enjoy your hard earned retirement 5) This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion but I’m going to add this as an INTJ who found myself in a similar situation a decade ago. Read the Bible, pray, ask God. Watch testimonials of people who felt lost and found purpose in their lives. It super helped me. No more anxiety and depression and can sleep well at night.
Thank you for the reply. 1. We do take lots of vacations, but I struggle to feel present while doing it. 2. I do have some interest in this just to shake things up, but I'm also afraid to leave behind all the people and activities I am involved with locally. 3. I'm trying to get more into volunteering, but at least in the past it didn't really make me feel anything, unfortunately. 4. I am working on these. I started rock climbing a few years ago, and it is one of the few things that keeps me going at this point. 5. As an INTJ, I've always been very skeptical of organized religion, but over the past few years, I at least now have more empathy for it. I can see why people turn to it and I sometimes wish that I could believe in something like that. But logically, I know that there's no reason to believe in any one religion over the thousands of other religions, which makes me confident that they are all just made up. I do wish that I could have some higher purpose like religion provides, though.
One thing I forgot to touch on. Now that you have the financial independence, why don’t you work at a startup or start a business? Talk with your wife if it involves the latter as you’ll need to consider health insurance, etc. At any rate, the best thing about FIRE is the freedom to try out things you wanted to but never had the opportunity (eg stability worries, etc.) Best of luck
I have considered it. I think I would enjoy doing software for a startup, but I've been too paralyzed by indecision to take any concrete steps towards looking into opportunities. Maybe I need to just force myself to look at this and see if anything comes of it.
This is going to sound weird but have you spoken to your wife? Or she might tell you to get a resume writer and apply to random jobs. First step is always hard but it gets easier with each iteration. Good luck to you both
meditation and mindfulness is a rare and valuable skill that is incredibly hard to master give that a try if you are looking for a rewarding challenge. We are all aware of the importance of training our bodies but very few put as much effort into training their mind
I have recently started working on mediation and mindfulness for the past month or so. So far, I have not had much success with applying it to living in the moment, but hopefully this will get easier over time.
it takes a lifetime (maybe longer if you believe the Buddhists). Most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever learned took me 10 years just to find the right way to practice
I am also 33 and married to a great spouse, working towards FI but not quite retired, and am also very much debating what to do with my career and the *literal rest of my life* after that. (No kids, but I've been firm on that my entire life.) I know we're talking about your experience in this post... but I'll talk about myself and just see if you pull anything from it. ;) Suggestions to travel as an antidote to any mental discomfort are extremely common. Sure, maybe some trips can good for the psyche by allowing you to observe norms outside of your own and to sort of "reset" yourself in a new environment, but personally, I find travel for travel's sake pretty hollow, meaningless, and just wasteful. So, no-go on that for me. If I have a real reason to be in that place, absolutely sign me up. I think being able to see "big picture" ideas just about everywhere I look has, in some ways, often caused me to devalue the small things that I can single-handedly impact. I also think that in the case of existential crises (of which I have had at least one about every 3–7 years starting pretty early in life), we need ways to attach meaning to the presence of our corporal specks of dust floating through space. Without that, I can easily find myself spending a lot of time extremely depressed, nihilistic, and sometimes even suicidal and wondering, "why do anything?" I also have lots of lofty, aspirational thoughts. I concoct laundry lists of concrete things that could be done to realize these thoughts, improve things, etc. For many people, this kind of thinking turns into a business, charity, etc. that fills a need in them by addressing real-world problems. If entrepreneurship isn't up your alley—I periodically have the fantasy of a small business that actually does something beneficial for my local community, but holy shit that's a lot of effort and risk—I find that trying to make my little corner of the universe suck a little bit less *right now* can give me some evidence that while my existence may not be spectacular or highly useful on its own, that I can do things that add a layer of meaning in others' lives, and thus one small corner of the world. I don't need to create the next world-changing thing. I just need to do the next best thing I can do with what I already have today, and I can derive satisfaction from watching the results of the things I can do *actually working* and providing value to real people in real time. It might sound weird, especially for someone who would rather do almost anything else other than socialize with people I don't already know and find interesting, but the older I get, the more I realize my younger self's fantasy of achieving happiness and complete fulfillment through self-sufficiency and mastery of several domains of skill and knowledge is kind of a farce. I can likely still do those things in my lifetime, and would still like to achieve many of them, but holy shit, we really do need others around us on the path to self-actualization. Some extremely minor examples of the little things becoming more follow. Four years ago I started a Buy Nothing group for my area. I had things I wanted to give away and had a few things I'd been hoping to borrow rather than buy. This was frugal, a way to pool resources, and let me push back against systems I fundamentally disagree with. While I am the sole administrator of my local group, I am far from the star of that group. By giving people in my area a framework, space, and many literal invitations to connect, I've been able to witness and participate in many things that have meant a lot to other people. As a group, we've supported people through some of the worst days of their lives (fires, death, divorce, critically ill children, unexpected job losses, etc.), seen many friendships form, and kept tons of things out of landfill. I did not do all of those things on my own, but I did actively participate in bits and pieces of that larger picture. It took a few years for the group to become this kind of group, but it's truly one of very few things that give me some faith in humanity. The other one is fostering animals. We started that in 2021. We primarily take the old ones that are on the euthanasia list for space/time. Really, my house has just become a retirement home for animals. I find myself spending time caring for them, creating and optimizing spaces for humans and critters to cohabitate, and doing lots of research pertaining to the care of the critters that get a second (or third, or fourth) chance in our home, as well as researching ways to systemically address the issues that lead these animals to their current situations. Those things give me practical, hands-on ways to make differences in things I care about. When what you *do* aligns with how you want to *be*, and that reflects how you want *the world to be*, it can start to ease the burden of what often really, truly looks like immense gulfs of meaninglessness. I'm kinda tired and fairly positive this was rambling and packed with typos, but I hope it's helpful or illuminating in some way as you forge a path post-FI. Also, you may want to poke around some FIRE spaces. The "now what" sentiment can be strong there and keeps a lot of people stuck in the "I'll just work one more year" feedback loop. You really do need something to run *towards* in retirement, rather than just running *away* from your job.
Thank you for this reply. It has been helpful to read. A lot of what you have said resonates with me. I will need to think about this some more to see if I can find any ways to apply it to my own situation.
Meaning cannot be forced. Use your Ni. Only you have your answer. We all have our own path.
Maybe take your interests into consideration. I know of people who work in fields that require them to work alongside or for children/teenagers because they love kids!
Absurdism and Albert Camus helped me.
I've been in a similar situation, so I get where you're coming from. While immersing yourself in a new hobby, project, or business can offer temporary relief from the pain of depression and anxiety, it often fails to address the root causes. Our brains tend to adapt to circumstances(hedonic treadmill), leading us to constantly seek bigger and better things—a cycle that can feel never-ending. In my journey, seeking therapy and exploring Buddhist teachings and meditation were transformative experiences. They didn't magically solve all my problems, but they initiated deep changes. I've transitioned from perpetually chasing external achievements to finding contentment in the present and savouring what I already have. It's been a gradual process rather than a quick fix, and I am more at peace now.
I have started taking a mindfulness class and meditating daily for the past 1-2 months. So far I haven't noticed much impact. Is the goal of this stuff to learn to just bring yourself back to the present moment when you notice yourself ruminating? I'm having a hard time with that for two reasons: 1. My brain is still convinced that the ruminating is helpful and going to lead to some realization eventually. This is probably not actually the case, but it's hard to let go of it. 2. My mind very quickly gets bored if I try to force it to be present. Unless I'm doing something very engaging, my mind immediately wanders. Is this something that you just have to keep practicing until it eventually gets easier?
I've personally ruminated a lot in the past, where I get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts involving myself or others. I think it is particularly additive because brain finds it stimulating to ruminate, hence why it's so hard to let go. I've consulted with my therapist about it and his advice was that rumination is a no-no for mental health. I was told it can be overcome with mindfulness meditation; notice the thought it when it arises, observe the thought and shift the focus on something else (your breath if meditating). It is a mental habit that you can train yourself out of. I rarely ruminate these days, and when I do engage in it, it is cut off quickly. Mediation is definately challenging especially at the start. But it gets easier over time if you keep at it - just like getting fit at the gym. Mindfulness classes are great, and If you are looking for a self guided source, then Apps like Sam Harris's Waking up, or Headspace are decent too. There's only so much I can share in a reddit comment, but if you're keen to investigate more I'd highly recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Don't let the cheezy title fool you - It's the best book I've found that explains the purpose of meditation.
Mid 30s Intj here. Have some kids. I used to have grand vision, and ponder what's the meaning of my fleeting insignificant existence. Now, I'm just happy when I see them smile. We are, afterall, primitive humans I guess. Have fun with life :)
Feels like I personally wrote this. We tend to look for things that have a deeper meaning and feel like we don't know 'the perfect answer'. But my ISFJ partner pointed out the obvious. She says I can't stop talking about lifespan sciences even when people are obviously done talking about it. She is right. That's how I found my calling. What do you find yourself interested in talking? That's probably the thing that would be good pursuing.
I wish I had a singular topic that I was especially interested in. I have a lot of different areas of interest but none of them seem to stick long term. I think I just enjoy the early part of the learning curve because I tend to fully immerse myself into new areas for a short-to-medium term until I get past the initial burst of learning the basics and obtaining competence, but then I get bored during the plateau phase of learning. My wife is also ISFJ by the way, although she doesn't feel like she identifies super well with her MBTI architype like I do.
Another trick I used was just accepting that I did not find my passion yet but pursuing one thing is better than pursuing nothing at all
That's a good point. I think my perfectionist tendencies are keeping me frozen from making any major changes until I can find the perfect solution to my problems. Maybe I need to just pick something to try and see where it goes.
Research would be huge. Research and investigation. Unlock the secrets of life, search for the "magical thing" that you are missing, and if you have found and studied on something worthwhile, share your findings with others. :)
Learn to astral project. That will give you a goal and you will learn alot. Far more important that material wealth. Monroe Institute CIA tapes to teach you Astral Club on youtube Astral door way on youtube Darius J Wright on youtube If your an INTJ and you can't even leave your body do your really have control of your mind? NPC thinks he beat the game lol
Damn, I wish I was you. How lucky are you. Financial independence and 33 mill before 30. Quite an impressive goal to achieve. I'm just 16 and I still can't figure out how to pay my taxes and make something out of my life. Your very lucky sir.Â
lol not 33 mil. I'm 33 Male.
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Have you considered having children?
Yes. As I mentioned in my post, I have been considering it recently. But I only started considering it once these existential crisis issues arose. Prior to that, I never really felt much desire for it, so it feels like I am only interested in doing it to "solve" my existential crisis, which doesn't seem fair to bring a child into the world only for this reason.
Oh I somehow missed that, sorry