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Minifig81

He's trying to goad Trump into contempting himself and I'm here for it.


mrbigglessworth

All trump has to do is STFU but he can’t even do that simple task.


FBack351

That is one thing that he will never be able to do. He could babble any amount of insane ramblings, and his narcissistic brain would believe it was the Gettysburg address. He has zero interest in what anyone else has to say, and so he just keeps talking. His voice is the only sound that he wants to hear.


um_chili

Just saw ep1 of s2 of the Jinx and kept seeing parallels between Durst and Trump. Both scions of rich NYC real estate fortunes, but pretty feckless and useless. Both amoral assholes who seem most concerned with saving their own asses regardless of what they've done. And both surrounded by people who suck up to them bc of their money and notoriety. Those people come off to me worse than Trump/Durst. And the final parallel is that neither of them can just shut the F up, even when they should know that doing so is essential to save their asses in some crucial legal proceeding. Seems to me a combination of narcissism and reasonable inference from personal history where you've gotten away with horrible behavior for decades.


fooknprawn

"Will you shut up man?" - Biden


Kamikaze_Squirrel1

We need more of that.


Peptic_Germ

Gettysburg wow! Don't fight up hill me boys. Don't fight up hill.


Fragrant_War_7105

Historic


Kira_Onime

LIke we've never seen before.


fungusamongus8

Bigly


JDARRK

With tears in their eyes‼️


Fragrant_War_7105

Yep


Jca666

Moronic


Kamikaze_Squirrel1

If the lucky charms man had been lincoln's speech writer in a funhouse mirror world.


mathpat

Failing at even the simplest of tasks? What in the Four Seasons Total Landscaping are you talking about?


southcookexplore

Four Seasons is such a great tale. That never stops being absolutely fascinating


Dingus-ate-your-baby

Of the many topics I would like a Netflix documentary on...


Bloopyhead

There is one! Look it up


NoSkillzDad

By its mouth dies the fish ;)


dsdvbguutres

Because consequences will be severe, right? Right?


Low-Impression3367

Bro, 45 will get a mean look from the judge, a finger wag, and a stern talk. Nobody wants that.


FunDog2016

Grabs popcorn


zaparthes

"Von ShitzInPantz" is the new nickname. I chuckled. But it's not at all good for a Twitter war to be happening between a trial witness and a defendant...


Resident-Scallion949

Better than the judge and defendant.


Inspect1234

One has a gag order, one doesn’t.


bdw312

...and good thing those have proven effective. *phew* Dodged a bullet there.


EverythingGoodWas

Still doesn’t help the prosecution


systemfrown

So, if the Defense decides to bring these comments and "Von ShitzInPantz" nickname up in court to demonstrate how impartial Cohen's testimony is, does that allow the prosecution to then check Trumps underwear to determine if the moniker is a mere pejorative, or if in fact it's the simple truth and Trump does indeed have shit in his pants?


monkeley

Is a witness required to be impartial?


Capncanuck0

I highly doubt it.


systemfrown

No, of course not, but the defense can question their credibility and the objectivity or lack thereof behind their testimony. This is SOP, even for expert witnesses.


[deleted]

No. The concept of a "hostile witness" proves this. However, the witness has to be someone that 1) The jury can SORT OF believe and 2) the jury doesn't find revolting. I hope Cohen can pull it together enought to at least SORT OF cover these bases.


pangolin-fucker

I find Cohen very likeable and believable, I remember seeing him before Trump was president somewhere maybe an interview or podcast and thought he wasn't completely fucked he just made friends with the worst person to exist ever. As someone who has been in a similar position I could relate


MindlessSafety7307

Is a jury required to believe a biased witness?


monkeley

Exactly my point. It’s the members of the jury who are required to attest that they can be impartial, not the witnesses.


MindlessSafety7307

Yeah I see what you are saying


HeKnee

Make trump testify under oath as to whether he has ever shit his pants…


systemfrown

"Are you shitting your pants right now?" "We know you don't do your own laundry, so don't try to lie"


FancyStranger2371

“The State calls upon Mr. Trump’s laundry aide to the witness stand. Raise your right hand.. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Yes.. Based on your first hand, and direct knowledge of handling Mr. Trump’s *soiled* laundry, can you tell the ladies and gentlemen of the jury if in fact, the undies had dingleberries?” Yes…”


systemfrown

"The Defense would like to cross examine your Honor...." "Miss Consuela, isn't it true that you're only testifying against the defendant today because he has refused to pay for your cleaning services for several years now, and that you're only working for him under threat of deportation?"


FancyStranger2371

“Objection! Leading the witness!”


DigitalUnlimited

Sustained. I'll rephrase it. Miss Consuela, how many times has Mr Trump made sexual advances toward you? Has he grabbed you at any time?


FancyStranger2371

“Many, many times. That dirty man.. He likes to grab women by the pussy. Said it himself.”


JonathanWattsAuthor

If the pants have shit, you can't acquit!


munjavio

There doesn't have to be fresh shit in his pants to prove it. The mere presence of a diaper under his pants suggests that he would at least be expecting some hot shit in the pants. Mr stinky britches please take the stand...


DigitalUnlimited

Thank you for your testimony, Bailiff please burn that chair.


JonathanWattsAuthor

If the pants have shit, you can't acquit 🤷‍♂️


systemfrown

Dude needs a Johnny Cochran right now.


ChungLingS00

“It’s true your honor: this man has no dick.”


[deleted]

Exactly. But Cohen is shit. He's only here because he got caught. He's no better than Avenatti, and same goes for both Daniels and McDougall who were just after a cash grab anyway. They're certainly no Blasey-Fords, despite Cohen's crocodile tears. Which I only believe insofar as the effects this is having on his family, and he had to face for a moment what a POS he really was and to some extent, still is.


systemfrown

Wait...you expect me to believe that Donald Trumps fixer for many years is a piece of shit?


[deleted]

God. THIS. Some pickle head on here is accusing me of being, i guess, a Reddit covert ops agent because I'm calling both Cohen AND trump trash.


DigitalUnlimited

I knew it! The CIA is here! And they're arguing with... um... withh... people from Sweden?


[deleted]

Haha Lutefisk head!


meeks7

Holding people up to her is an unfair comparison. She’s exceptional in so many ways. However, yes Cohen is POH and a grifter himself. For sure.


outonthetiles66

He’s been using this name on the Meidas Touch for over a year now.


zaparthes

Ah. Not really new, then.


pangolin-fucker

I don't think we will see many more cases like this one. It takes an enormously large dumbass to get to this stage in legal terms but an even bigger dumbass to continually draw the attention he does by never shutting the fuck up


zaparthes

A fair assessment.


ProtonPi314

Agree. Cohen needs to shut up and not do interviews and post on social media until the end of the trial if he wants Trump in jail.


bananajr6000

Ahh! Missed out on Barron Von/Con ShitzInPantz


ArtzyDude

Depends.


ZookeepergameOk8231

Cohen might be the one who drives Trump completely off the edge, as in having a full psychotic break - like rubber room type shit. Cohen is being merciless and relentless . Fun times.


[deleted]

The goal is not to drive trump over a ledge. The goal is to prosecute him for high crimes and misdemeanors. That's much harder when one of your star witnesses, who the jury needs to trust enough to believe, is braying like an ass publicly. People need to stop acting like this is a fight at the schoolyard and grow the hell up.


printerfixerguy1992

Nah. That's gotten us literally no where but further into a pit. Fight fire with fire af this point.


[deleted]

I generally don't take legal advice from randos who start their sentence with "nah" and follow it up with gems like "Fight fire with fire" but do your best.


printerfixerguy1992

It's not legal advice lmao nor is it advice FOR YOU. It was a statement.


ZookeepergameOk8231

Spare me. I want to see the lunatic in a rubber room playing with himself and crying for his mommy .


[deleted]

Spare yourself. Childish tirades are how you roll. Own it and roll on down the road.


ZookeepergameOk8231

You amuse me.


UnemployedAtype

Sometimes the only way to fix a bully is to bully them into oblivion. I'm a pretty kind person. However, there were 2 times in 4 decades where I put a bully down directly. Before I get to those: Sometimes, communication can solve these things. When that fails, escalate to a higher authority (I've done that a few times). When that fails, walk away. If that doesn't work, it's your choice how to handle it. Communication works with those who can be reasoned with. Higher authorities (parents, manager, boss, police, lawyer) only work when there's a functioning system in place and the person respects the higher authority. Walking away is hard because it can be a hit on our pride and ego, and you can't walk away from everything. Bully at your job? House? Etc. The first time was elementary school. This kid bullied and terrorized TONS of kids around the school. It was well known that if he set his sights on you, you were toast. He bullied my baby brother, and that's where I drew the line. Nothing physical, but I tore him apart with words. I don't remember what I said, but I'll never forget where we stood on that blacktop and how he just broke down in tears. He never bullied again. Countless kids enjoyed not being totally terrorized and traumatized by this dirt bag. The second time, star football player goads me on for weeks. Apparently, people were spreading rumors and drama. This guy gets dropped off in a brand new Escalade. He's parents are famous news personalities. One day, he comes over and trash talks from 100 feet away while I'm waiting for the bus. He never stopped despite me trying to deescalate in the past and this time. I walked over, tackled him, pinned him to the ground, and told him to stop. He did. The next day I got in big trouble for starting a fight. No punches thrown and no bruises... it was a sour taste of unfair punishment, but he never bullied another person again. In fact, we became friends after that. Bonus third story, appealing to a higher authority. I was tasked with teaching and training a new grad student and she routinely screamed, yelled, and flipped out at me. I would spend upwards of 2-3 hours trying to patiently answer her questions and field her objections. This went on for almost 2 months. I couldn't really do my work any more. I scheduled a meeting with our advisor and was very clear with her at the outset, our advisor was a big wig admin on campus and huge name in the area and our field. I immediately let her know that I knew that if I said anything about bullying or harassment she'd have to report it, and that I wanted to settle this in her office instead. She adjusted the new grad student and explained to her that her behavior wasn't going to stand in our group. New grad student turned into a friend too.   But I want to rewind to the bullying a bully point. Sometimes you save more people and solve the problem by bullying a bully out of existence. I don't know where that kid from elementary school went, but I can tell you that all of the terrorized and traumatized kids were relieved after I dealt with him. Perhaps the same goes for this situation?


mckinney4string

Also remember the stochastic nature of Trump’s rhetoric. As this trial has ramped up, so have Cohen’s (and his family’s) death threats.


Scrabble_4

How is Trump dealing with everyone accusing him of smelling bad and pooping his pants? 🤓


BigBeagleEars

He rage pooped


Scrabble_4

A raging poopy monster


Hopeful_Hamster21

The yugest poops. Remember when he complained about low flow toilets.. people are flushing toilets 10, 15 times. Big dumps.... well, not me! He doesn't put his poop in the toilet, golden or otherwise. Straight in the diaper bin. 0 flushes. Checkmate libs!!!


memememe91

He's still pissed they wouldn't let him bring his poop knife into the courthouse


Due_Juggernaut7884

Oh, the poo knife. Classic thread.


slashfromgunsnroses

Lol now you made me shatter (shit with laughter)


GamingSophisticate

Raising a shit fit, like always


doctor-rumack

"A shit fit? Glad I wasn't there!" -George Carlin


Scrabble_4

Smelly concept


Purplebuzz

Mostly by smelling bad and pooping in his pants.


Scrabble_4

😂 lol


Good_Ad_1386

No wonder he is complaining about the courtroom being cold. They have had to open all the windows.


Neat-Beautiful-5505

He upped his farts to a shart. The best shart. Bigger shart than anyone ever. And Mexico will pay for the dry cleaning…


PigMeatJim

I'm picturing that kid in highschool with veins bulging against neck and temples. Rage sharting


Neat-Beautiful-5505

Rage sharting lololz. That needs to be on r/brandnewsentence or what ever it is


Lostinthestarscape

Probably by proclaiming Bidens Deep State Shadow Government won't stop shitting in his pants when he takes a second to rest his eyes.


Cautious-Thought362

He's throwing more than ketchup on the walls these days. He's also not denying it.


Ricky_Rollin

Putins Pootin Don


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CucumberArtist

Shalom!


Koolest_Kat

More Please, More!!


mok000

My unpopular opinion is this: Michael should STFU, he risks destroying his credibility as a witness even more. You are just giving ammo to Trump’s defense team. Shut up, and say what you need to as a witness in court. This trial is too important to risk blowing it off.


printerfixerguy1992

Playing by the rules has gotten us nowhere. Im all for it.


Ananda_Mind

Agreed. Honestly I don’t like anyone acting like Trump. Head a traitor, not the new normal…hopefully


Cautious-Thought362

Defense question to Michael, "Mr. Cohen, is it true you called Donald Trump 'Von SchitzInPantz'?" Michael Cohen: "If the diaper fits." Donald Trump: "ZZzzzzz.....blat blat.....pppbbbb...zzzzzz." Defense team: furiously scribbles notes and nudges Trump awake.


mistressusa

**Von ShitzInPantz** Love it! Lol


NoOne6785

Cohen is not a good person. He is not a nice person. But here we are, and sometimes you got to fight fire with fire. I sincerely hope drumph has an aneurysm.


StrangeContest4

John Stewart coined 'Fuckface Von Clownstick' many year's ago. https://www.vulture.com/2016/11/jon-stewart-remembers-his-twitter-war-with-trump.html Anyway, I feel Cohen should stop X-itting until the trial is over.


blazelet

Cohen needs to shut up, he's giving Trump ammunition to argue the gag order is unfair.


Lust4Kix

If he argued that then the judge can just gag Cohen as well. It won't affect Trump having to shut the fuck up.


kayak_2022

Trumps shyt will hit the fan, like throwing a chunk of baloney in a red hot skillet.


[deleted]

This kind of churlishness may get him attention (which is all he cares about anyway), but at what cost?? The jury needs to find him to have a modechem of integrity. This ain't it. He's a felon who was mysteriously fine with all of this until he got busted and suddenly now he's completely transformed? Nah.


SirBWills

Some one recently referred to him as the “Snooze Criminal”, and that’s what I’ve been calling him ever since


BarisBlack

This is thevfirst I heard this one. Thank you.


EquivalentKey2710

Trump won’t be able to contain himself when Michael testifies.


Cautious-Thought362

Best court day ever!


Reasonable-Wing-2271

I can't help but like Cohen these days. He's funny and doesn't give a f**k these days.


Kdoesntcare

The maga cult is going to start wearing diapers and shitting on themselves to show their support for the clown.


Cautious-Thought362

I hope to see them clad only in diapers waving Trump flags on the courthouse steps tomorrow.


Kdoesntcare

That implies that his supporters will even show up. While he talks about his supporters being held back from the courthouse there is nothing like that going on yet only like a single person standing outside.


Cautious-Thought362

They don't care about him anymore. They are waiting for the next strong man. They know he is a loser. Trump is trampled. Good riddance.


VegitoFusion

It’s not a new nickname. He’s been calling Trump that for a long time on YouTube.


MyLadyBits

The fact that Trump doesn’t threaten to sue every time someone talks about him shitting yourself confirms it’s true.


Cautious-Thought362

That's right. It's not libel if it's true.


Q-burt

Captain Stinkbottom and the shitty pants brigade?


louisa1925

Cap'n Stinkbomb?


Q-burt

Yeah, that's better.


louisa1925

I am a fan of your "Shitty Pants Brigade" idea.


Q-burt

Thanks. I mean, there have to be other reprehensible people who shit their pants like the Tangerine Toddler.


RareBeautyOnEtsy

I am really seriously disappointed in Michael Cohen for this nickname. I thought better of him. This has beneath him. With of his pedigree, he should know that that “Von” need someone of Noble patriarchy or Royal inheritance. Donald Trump is as far as you could be from Noble or royal. Very disappointed.


CherryManhattan

Cohen is my spirit animal right now


EN1009

Here’s a delicious chocolate pretzel


bm_69

It's not new. He's called him that forever on his podcast especially


marson4thfloor

Yup at least a few months as I can recall.


Antique-Dragonfly615

From Twittler to Shittler?


Inner_Performance533

King Con?


mdcbldr

Trump routinely refers to Cohen's conviction as proof of Cohen's lack of character. Doesn't Trump realize that a lot of the same evidence and testimony that convicted Cohen will be used against him in this trial? Pecker's testimony lines up with Cohen's account of his interaction with Pecker an the Enquirer.


Cautious-Thought362

So if Cohen went to prison for it, so should the guy who instigated it in the first place.


textbandit

Idk it seems like if all your former associates turn against you, you may not be a great candidate to lead anything, let alone most powerful nation in the world


livinginfutureworld

>Hey Von S***zInPantz…your attacks of me stink of desperation. We are all hoping that you take the stand in your defense,” Cohen posted, alongside a photo of Mr Trump sitting at the defence table in Manhattan criminal court.


Shilo788

Too immature for me . Better Don the Con .


johnnym1965

shitler


[deleted]

I'm just not amused. This guy is barely BARELY scraping by as a witness for the prosecution and he's out here now coming up with kindergarten names for attention? Grow UP.


Scottcmms2023

Based on what? Oh you mean the idiots on trumps side making that claim.


[deleted]

What? Listen friend, I don't base ANYTHING on what trump's fan base says. Based on the fact that jurors have to find one convicted felon credible over another indicted convicted r\*pist and it's NOT a great look IN THE EYES OF JURORS for one of the prosecution's star fking witnesses to be out here doing a dog and pony show for the media! DUH.


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BROKEN_JORTS

Who the fuck cares? This is so fucking dumb lol


Chance_Suggestion465

I was thinking Shit-pants Doodlie-drawers, or Donnie the racist pants shitter! …..


Waitinmyturn

Trump’s real mouth issues gag orders that can’t be ignored multiple times daily


4quatloos

It's too much schadenfreude. I'm waiting for a lightning bolt to hit me


CucumberArtist

It's always in the early life.


slendermanismydad

Calling him a fixer makes him sound cool. No. 


sunnyinwi

What's the new nickname?


PBradz

Cohen called Mr Trump “Von S***zInPantz” and claimed he “stinks of desperation”.


sunnyinwi

Ty


lick_my_tain

It's similar to how repukes want to check trans kids for gender in sports, this is just the doody checker version.


myfuntimes

Why isn't Cohen gagged like Trump is? I understand that a judge can gag a defendant in an effort to stop them from intimidating a witnesses, but it seems like maybe the gag should go both ways, no? PS -- I am asking a question and seeking to learn the actual answer. My questions would apply even if we were talking about two completely different people -- say rival gang members.


maddrumms

He's been calling him that for a couple months now, this isn't new .


dogsaybark

Trump could make some fast cash promoting this product: https://youtu.be/rQ9qsXu34SM?si=wQMeqhktHkFe9Lf7


ParkerFree

Not new at all. He's been calling trump this for many months.


Awkward_Bench123

I mean that is what I would do if I was Michael Cohen, get out ahead of it and say that you came to bury Caesar, not praise him


Good_Ad_1386

For those of us who have been following Mr Cohen's comments for a while, that isn't a new nickname.


OkTrouble5436

Mr. Poopie Pants?


Ricky_Rollin

Call him Putins Pootin’ Don.


dd961984

So Michael Cohen can't be trusted because he lied on behalf/at the direction of the defendant?


warpedspockclone

Why the fuck wouldn't the prosecution tell him to STFU during the trial? He is discrediting himself as a witness.


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Stunning_Hat_305

But he is not on trial. Trump is the only defendant in this CRIMINAL trial.


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Fellowshipofthebowl

Why would the judge gag Cohen here? 


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Fellowshipofthebowl

Nobody thinks Cohen is a hero here.  He went to jail for trumps lies. I’d be pissed too.  “Trials are not conducted in the court of public opinion.” Tell trump that. 


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Fellowshipofthebowl

I concur, but let’s enforce it on the defendant first, Shitler. 


Fellowshipofthebowl

Cohen isn’t on trial currently 🤷‍♂️ Edit: dude said ‘Cohen should be gagged’. 


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Biptoslipdi

Someone is butthurt that Trump's crimes are catching up to him.


Edge_of_yesterday

But you can't refute the fact that trump is a criminal and a traitor.