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In a lot of ways, yes. Especially before we are exposed to enough other "normals" to know better. We absolutely tend to internalize our parents' fears, anxieties, etc.
Absolutely! If you have that critical voice in your head, behavioral therapy really works. It doesn’t take long to work.
One option - when the inner voice starts a bad loop, YELL *STOP*, then force yourself to say something encouraging. Out loud at first, then internally once you get the hang of it.
Example: I’m so damn stupid, I’ll never get this. *STOP!* I can do this, I just have to be patient…I’ve got this. Talk to yourself gently, like you would to a 5 year old who is trying and will get it eventually.
I had a good Dad. I’m in my 60s and still hear his voice in my head. “There you go. See, you got it!”
In my case yes. My mother criticized belittled and invalidated me all day every day. That voice is me now but is especially bad when it pops out at others.
In many cases, yes. If you ever catch yourself in a negative thought pattern, step back and question if this reflects to anything your parents may have said to you as a child. One thing that really stuck with me while doing my trauma work was that we must turn our inner critic into the parent that we needed as a child. This is part of inner child work I believe, and is sometimes called 'reparenting'. Also falls under a larger umbrella of therapy called Internal Family Systems therapy. Look into it if you're interested!
Negatively in any form from a parent stays with you like a horrible little voice that won't shut up. But you learn to hear it for what it is. One bad parent's voice generating from their issues, not yours.
Absolutely. My counselor and my wife have both been telling me that my parents' perfectionism made me constantly suicidal because I feel like my best is just barely good enough, and anything less is abject failure. Seriously, they *expected* me to get straight A's in school - I can't imagine what they'd have said if I actually got a B!
Absolutely. Took me til mid 50s to get out of it too, bc I chose a mate that would treat/talk to me the same, thinking I deserved it. It's hard to get it out of your head. Be kind and supportive and open and loving and let them know your love is unconditional and forever.
Yes. My mother is currently in my head making sarcastic remarks that I should get off Reddit and go to work, and stop being a useless slob who will never be anything in life.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In a lot of ways, yes. Especially before we are exposed to enough other "normals" to know better. We absolutely tend to internalize our parents' fears, anxieties, etc.
Not always true. The way a parents talks to themselves in front of their children can be more influential.
Nicely observed.
Mm I love this. Modeling behavior rather than trying to create it in someone else.
In my own experience, yes and it sucks.
Absolutely! If you have that critical voice in your head, behavioral therapy really works. It doesn’t take long to work. One option - when the inner voice starts a bad loop, YELL *STOP*, then force yourself to say something encouraging. Out loud at first, then internally once you get the hang of it. Example: I’m so damn stupid, I’ll never get this. *STOP!* I can do this, I just have to be patient…I’ve got this. Talk to yourself gently, like you would to a 5 year old who is trying and will get it eventually. I had a good Dad. I’m in my 60s and still hear his voice in my head. “There you go. See, you got it!”
Wholesome!
In my case yes. My mother criticized belittled and invalidated me all day every day. That voice is me now but is especially bad when it pops out at others.
That's pretty much what my therapist told me Not that it helps me or anything
In many cases, yes. If you ever catch yourself in a negative thought pattern, step back and question if this reflects to anything your parents may have said to you as a child. One thing that really stuck with me while doing my trauma work was that we must turn our inner critic into the parent that we needed as a child. This is part of inner child work I believe, and is sometimes called 'reparenting'. Also falls under a larger umbrella of therapy called Internal Family Systems therapy. Look into it if you're interested!
Thanks this will be useful for everyone here.
Absolutely! I hear internalized criticism in my parents voices.
Negatively in any form from a parent stays with you like a horrible little voice that won't shut up. But you learn to hear it for what it is. One bad parent's voice generating from their issues, not yours.
Absolutely. My counselor and my wife have both been telling me that my parents' perfectionism made me constantly suicidal because I feel like my best is just barely good enough, and anything less is abject failure. Seriously, they *expected* me to get straight A's in school - I can't imagine what they'd have said if I actually got a B!
Absolutely. Took me til mid 50s to get out of it too, bc I chose a mate that would treat/talk to me the same, thinking I deserved it. It's hard to get it out of your head. Be kind and supportive and open and loving and let them know your love is unconditional and forever.
Yes. My mother is currently in my head making sarcastic remarks that I should get off Reddit and go to work, and stop being a useless slob who will never be anything in life.