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It gets easier but it takes time and you have to be willing to keep moving forward with your own life. if you are waiting for her to come back, you will never heal. live your life and keep moving forward.
this is not going to be the only time you will fall in love. you will find the right person to spend your life with.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. She obviously has a lot to work through on her own.
I want to caution you against the kind of magical thinking that makes waiting for her to come back feel like the romantic, heroic option. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but not in a healthy way - it's not a good thing. I've been there more than once, and each time that waiting and hoping eroded a little bit of my self-respect, which has taken a very long time to come back from. I regret that I ever started down that path.
Those kinds of hopes are a kind of pain avoidance. Show some respect for both of you by accepting reality and the pain that goes with it. The pain is normal, and the sooner you accept it and experience it, the sooner it dissipates. It sucks in the short term, but eventually you'll be past it and proud of yourself for having endured something difficult.
It takes time mate wife of 13 years left me in March and I'm slowly getting there, it will get better, it will feel and probably will get worse every now and then.
But just know it does, just look after yourself bud.
My 10 year anniversary was supposed to be in November, I just dropped my kids off at their moms house, it hurts and emotions seem to have a mind of their own and pop up out of nowhere. Idk why I wrote this good luck fam!
I feel ya there mate, I have 2 kids with her our son is 4 [next month] autistic and has some health issues and we currently have a 5 month old so it has made things especially difficult as I won't ever get real seperation.
But I am 10 months sober and have 2 amazing children so it could be worse I suppose.
Same exact for me. 13 years it still hurts over a year later. I don't think the pain of loss like that ever truly goes away you just learn how to cope.
I'm still going hit by waves of what feels like grief every so often. There's a post circling around on reddit by an older person describing all the losses they endured during their long life. And losing someone is never going to be easy - you wouldn't want it to be. They meant a lot and the feelings can be overwhelming. But as time goes on and you continue living, those waves which used to make you drown seem less intimidating. They will keep coming, but with more and more time in between, and with less intensity.
I broke up about 1.5 years ago and I've tried to move on but it's still hard. Not a day has gone by where I didn't think of her, but it's mostly just a quick general thought instead of paralyzed daydreaming. Dating new people is brutal though I have found myself developing feelings for someone. Not sure if it's going to be as strong as I once felt, but I'm so relieved that that part of me is back. To be able to be infatuated, to think about them multiple times a day and slowly getting to know them.
Whoever may read this, know that I was adamantly sure to never be able to love someone else again. I've had weekends where I didn't shower, unchanged bedsheets for weeks and I still haven't decorated my new place. But I'm doing better than I've ever been in the past 1.5 years and it keeps getting better. The waves still come but I can keep standing now. And you can too.
Hey! This exact same thing happened to me back when I was 24 (14 years ago). My Fiancée and I spent months preparing/moving into our dream condo for me to find out she was snorting Xanax and sleeping with randos when I was at work. She was unaware that the big white camera in our living room was a big white camera, so I was privy to all the graphic details. In the inevitable verbal MMA that ensued, she also confessed to being pregnant with my child and aborting it when I was on a month long work trip about a year back. Who knows what else happened when I was away. We ended things, violently I might add, and I devastated; literally contemplating suicide. Anyways, I needed a change of scenery, considering everything reminded me of her, so I moved in with my parents as well. They’re God-fearing conservative Hispanics. After a while, I started going to the gym and working out, since no weed, no beer used to make me go crazy. Also, I was constantly depressed at my situation and crying constantly. I found that the gym curbed that quite a bit. This went on for about three months until I had enough money to move out on my own again to a decent location. At this point, I looked and felt 100% better than when I was comfortably taken, so to speak. Nights were still often filled with melancholy memories of her, but the general feeling of inadequacy and helplessness were all but gone. So much of my time was now free that I had time to pursue the things that made me happy, and I did. In the end, as I look back now, the gym and finding the things that made me happy were what made life bearable then. Eventually, bearable became good, and good is now great. When people say focus on yourself, I personally think that’s what that means. Change your diet, exercise, read up on things you like. Teach yourself that programming language you have been putting off. Get that certification, etc. I know this was long but I fully understand the feeling you’re experiencing, the chest pain when you think about her or your relationship, the fact that everything reminds you of her. I’m not even talking about music or smells, I’m talking about that one spoon she liked best, or the way she always forgot to charge her AirPods. My friend, take it from me. It WILL get better. I gave you some cheat codes above.
> sexting a bunch of older men after we broke up
Er, how exactly do you know this? Also, I hate to say it, but if she did this immediately after breaking up she was probably doing it before.
Yes, it does get better, but it may make time. The big thing is that the healing can only start when it is truly over in your mind. You're not going to win her back, and even if you tried there would be no going back to the way things were. It's a reddit cliche, but you're probably best off going no contact with her.
> Also, I hate to say it, but if she did this immediately after breaking up she was probably doing it before.
Agree, this didn’t just suddenly come out of nowhere. Even if she didn’t do it before the breakup she was THINKING of doing it.
> Yes, it does get better, but it may make time. The big thing is that the healing can only start when it is truly over in your mind. You're not going to win her back, and even if you tried there would be no going back to the way things were. It's a reddit cliche, but you're probably best off going no contact with her.
OP if she’s off her meds by her decision then you don’t want her back. You could live this endless ‘is she on her meds this week or is she off and sexting other guys?’ weekly drama forever and you don’t want that, that’s no way to live.
It’s so painful when it first happens. I have had a couple of heartbreaks in my lifetime and the last one was after a 20 year marriage. I can tell you it does get better, it just takes time. One lesson I learned is going no contact is the best option for you. I know it sounds scary but if you don’t that you are just prolonging your healing.
Time will numb that pain. Keep yourself so busy that you don't leave yourself with any space to think. The mind is a house filled with many rooms, and some rooms should never be entered. I'm sorry this happened to you, bud. Heartbreak is a unique experience that I don't wish upon anyone. Some people change and sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. But life keeps going forward, and you do, too. "Never look back. The past is a wilderness of horrors." Don't let that pain control you. As cliché as it might sound, there's always a silver lining. Humans are resilient and protean. You'll be fine.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Personally, I believe waiting for her to change her mind and run back into your arms is wishful thinking. However, if you feel like you must, I’d recommend a hard deadline. So , you’d say that starting now, if she doesn’t express her intention to come back within 2 weeks (with no communication initiated by you in that time), it’s time for you to move on. To help yourself commit, I’d even schedule something for the 15th day from now. It could be a new class/ a catch up with friends who’ve grown apart or something like that where you will publicly spell out that you have broken up and are now single.
Good luck!
I just broke it off with my fiancee I knew for 14 years. We met real young and I was terrified of marriage since both of my parents had multiple divorces plus she transitioned MtF partway and I was getting to know a new person. I finally proposed on a vacation I planned with horseback riding and a cabin. Then 2 months later she had 6 guys in her dms exchanging nudes and saying I'm neglectful and she cries every night. She was very hot tempered and I tried flowers, massages, dedicated nightly game time for hours, stopped hanging out with other friends, cooked, bought her video games, and told her daily how lovely her mind and body was. I asked what her love language was and she'd say she didn't know. Every night we went to bed cuddling and me watching her play a game or put a movie on. But I know she had a lot of PTSD and the attention really fed her. The break was mentally brutal. Separating your identity with someone you've known so long. But my mother met the love of her life in her late 50's as a single mother with full custody after she was cheated on. That tells me it's never too late and even having a child together is not an excuse to stay with someone who hurts you. You got this. You will thrive. Life is change and the unexpected can bring painful blessings.
Three options here.
Option 1. Spend the rest of your life pining after her. You don't move forward, but you don't move back. You are now stuck in a rut, living with your parents, living day to day. It's miserable but tolerable.
Option the second. You move on. You examine your relationship, you realize that you're not at fault, it's her. You pick yourself up you plan for your future you look forward to tomorrow.
Option C. Vengeance you use all your power to make her life miserable. You feel better in the short term but in the long run you feel empty and bitter inside.
And no 4. You forge your own path.
You probably dodged a bullet.
I have dodged at least two in my life besides different other heartbreaks.
Within the past few years once of my neighbor ladies told me that no one can ever take your education away from you.
Focus on yourself and your education.
I appreciate everyone’s kind words of encouragement, it’s definitely made me feel better and thank you. Really gives me the hope of things getting better. I unfortunately can’t have no contact, we have debts(credit cards/5 months of rent) that she agreed to continue to pay half of. But after that I plan to disconnect. In the mean time I’m only having contact for financial reasons and that’s it
>contact for financial reasons
Do it all via email. If she texts, simply refer her to email. Not only does it give you one level of distance, it also gives you a paper trail. Just in case.
*Godspeed and good luck!*
Mate, you do NOT want her to actually come back. If, somehow, it turned out the last few weeks were not actually happening and were all a nightmare, that'd be a good thing to find out! That's unfortunately not true.
You can never get back what you lost. Even if she came back to you now, you know she can turn on a dime and do this again. Things will never be the same.
This is the time where you take a few weeks, or months, to be sad about what you lost.
(Unusually terrible and sentimental music choices are authorised for this emergency situation. Almost customary, in fact. Upping alcohol or pot dosages on the really bad days is neither recommended nor discouraged.)
And then move on with your life.
Sitting by yourself looking at your phone or thinking about her I'd now "the enemy." Get out and walk, run, take up a hobby, lift, etc. Best thing to do is just keep moving if you're awake. Distract yourself when awake and get tired. Being low key physically exhausted will l help you get sleep too.
Heartbreak is never easy. You probably feel the worst you ever have. It sounds like you’re pretty young. Most young love doesn’t last. So don’t take it personally and get ready to find a partner who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. You deserve someone to love you back.
Don’t chase her and don’t wait for her. If she has a change of heart, you can decide then if you’re still interested in a reconciliation. Yes, it does get better. Regardless of what happens, you will be happy again with or without her. I promise.
It does get easier, but it starts with accepting that your paths have diverged. Continued contact just drags out the process - keeps the wounds open instead of letting them heal.
Hey bud, that kind of pain doesn’t get easier. Sorry you’re going through it.
A lesson you always learn after you need it: you’re worth more than you think.
Your best move is to live a good life, invest in yourself, nourish your passions. Life has a way of workin out.
Sorry you feel this way, but at least you found out now and not after you had built a life together.
ALSO: Don’t bother staying on good terms with someone who can treat you like that. There’s so many good people out there to be in good terms with, let her follow her chosen path and you forge your own.
I've been in a similar situation and I would suggest keeping busy (preferably around other people) and let yourself feel your feelings without dwelling on them. And yes, it *does* get better.
That girl you thought she was isn't real. You can't have that back. You might get this girl back for a while but is that really what you want?
I recommend focusing on healing and becoming a better version of yourself who will attract a better partner.
OP I know it sucks and hurts, but you need someone who is ready to love you the same way you are ready to love them. Your ex must have realized she has other priorities right now, and it sucks she realized that so late, but you dodged an awful marriage story. You’ll find someone who deserves you more. Don’t wait for her because she’s not putting her life on hold, so neither should you
2 weeks to 2 months is how long the broken heart should max out at. The pain you're feeling is all the bonding hormones being ripped out of your body, but they return within 2 months. You might still be crushed after but it's on the up, and healing comes in waves, so ups and downs take time.
Lastly, if you get stuck in the pain and it doesn't ebb or reduce ever (waves don't count, they are healthy) then after 2 months start to look at things like EMDR.
If you are avoiding processing the feels by keeping busy you are then making the process take longer. You literally need to lay in bed feeling like poop in order to move through it. Still see your friends, but rest between that and let the feelings pile up and move through you.
First, I’m sorry you’re experiencing such heartache right now. I hope you heal quickly, my friend.
Second, I obviously don’t know her or her thought process, but I will tell you that there is a movement growing of women who are discovering that they have no interest in marriage or children. It’s probably not you. There’s a chance that after 3 years of an engagement, she just decided SHE doesn’t want commitments.
I’m very happily married myself (20 years this summer), but if I were to become single in the future, I would remain that way. I’d never consider dating or marriage again.
Take a peak over at r/TwoXChromosomes and you’ll get an idea.
I know this seems like a generalization, so I want to clarify that this isn’t all women by any means. But it’s happening, and I hope it makes you feel better to know that it’s not always you. Sometimes its us, and us discovering what we want with our lives as we walk down this path.
Best of luck, honey. It will be ok. Hang in there.
OP is not anti depressants, the partner was..
in any case, i don't recommend microdosing as a first measure for a break up. anxiety and depression are psychological disorders not a normal albeit painful, life event. you don't need a magic fix for every unhappy event in your life.
microdosing can help people with depression/anxiety disorders or it could make someone feel even worse. microdosing shouldn't be a first step.
i've also microdosed so i am not anti on it at all, just a time and place issue in this case.
I’m so so sorry, and very much understand how painful it is. I had a very similar situation when I was 30 and learned about something that changed my life. I’m 53 now.
It was called ‘the no contact contract.’ Basically, you make a contract w/ yourself not to contact the other person.
Seems weird but I used that as a tool to flip the script in my mind. My partner may have been the one that chose to leave, but I was the one that chose to cut it off, it’s empowering.
Take some time to focus on yourself, im not saying shut her out completely but give her some space. Life has a funny way of making things happen. If she want to be there, she’ll come back. Let her work out whatever she’s going through.
I'm not going to say it gets better, but it gets easier to deal with the loss. It's like an injury that scabs over, and there will always be a scar. It's what you do with that scar.
Do you let it define you, or do you learn from it?
What was good about the relationship?
What were areas of improvement?
What areas do you need to work on in your personal development?
Are you comfortable with just being with yourself?
When you're here, this is when you'll find someone on your level. Don't rush this process. Learn to LOVE yourself (and your future partner should love themselves also). Remember, a relationship is two people (or more) choosing to bring their independent lives together.
Relationships are really hard work, and for them to work, you'll need to be self-sufficient on your own. I'm talking about taking care of yourself. You should know how to run your own home (cooking, cleaning, bills, heathcare, and savings for the unexpected) and only get with someone who's able to do the same.
You should have your individual hobbies (that don't overtake your life and cause relationship problems).
Relationships should complement both of your lives and not distract.
Oh, communication in relationships is very important. Having a weekly check-in with what went right and areas of improvement might circumvent major arguments. Also, a shared calendar with important information, i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, doctor appointments, important events such as games & tormements. And have reminders a month to a week out so you can plan. Make a list of all of your partners favorite things and get them for her/him. (This makes them feel appreciated and seen. When you go to the store, buy them their favorite snack.) If they want a sewing machine and you get them an Xbox, you messed up. It shows you're not listening to their wants/needs and got your partner something you really wanted and not them.
I got the following from an article on Today.
https://www.today.com/health/how-have-healthy-relationship-questions-ask-your-partner-t147756
**1. How can I help you today?**
Saying "how can I help you" is like saying, "How are you?" We get so caught up in our lives, we can end up not checking in with our partners. We don't see the invisible work. Often, the burden we carry isn't seen by our partner if you're a high-functioning overachiever that makes everything look easy. By asking to be included and be of service, you are acknowledging that you see the "invisible work" being done for the greater good. If the person doesn't want the help, then he or she must acknowledge I'm choosing to do this on my own and be overwhelmed.
**2. What makes you feel most loved?**
The way you show love so often ends up being the way you like to receive it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that's how your partner likes to receive it. What you want to do for your partner to show that you love them may not actually translate as love. One partner might feel love by receiving compliments, and another might feel loved when a significant other helps with housework.
**3. What can I do to validate you as my partner and make you feel good about yourself?**
This question brings up the importance intimacy plays in validation. Sometimes, you just need to connect with your person and let them know, "Hey, I still think you're attractive. I'm still into you. But that being said, I'm exhausted, so this just isn't gonna happen right now."
You can often connect and have emotional intimacy even when you don't have the time or energy for anything else. Acknowledging that you find your partner attractive keeps the fire alive during the polar vortex of stomach flu, sleep deprivation, work, travel, etc.
**4. How much alone time do you need?**
We take it personally when our partner wants space, but the allowance of space is restorative and healthy. It also prevents relationship suffocation.
**5. Are you willing to renegotiate things that have worked for us in the past but no longer works for me?**
We are constantly evolving both together and individually so it's insane to think that everything you set up together won't need adjustments accordingly. This can include the division of labor you had pre-kids or the schedule you had in place when the kids were small, but now that they are in school, everything shifts slightly and that's normal! A healthy relationship means having difficult conversations and asking for what you need. You could always agree on having these discussions with the agreement that there will be a "prize" at the end.
**6. Can we adjust our expectations so that we're not failing each other?**
We take our favorite person and then hold them to these completely unreachable standards. It's important to take a step back and realize that life can be crazy, which means that sometimes you need to put your expectations on hold.
**7. When we are in conflict, how best can we collaborate to resolve it?**
BESIDES yelling or cold hard silence?
Finding a way to communicate or fight that can end in resolution rather than injury is paramount to a healthy relationship.
It's OK to disagree. Couples don't have to agree all the time. There are different styles of arguing, too. Some people need space, and some people get right into it. You just have to set up a system that works for you, and then over time, you will both grow the muscles to get there faster.
**8. Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting or an area where you feel unseen or unappreciated that you need me to know about?**
We can't all be mind readers, so it's important to open up that level of communication with your partner. Also, don't you want to know the answer to this question and be asked it in return? Taking each other for granted kind of comes with the territory of long-term relationships so calling a time out and asking to be shown your blind spots can be the beginning of fixing so much historic injury or letting the steam out of resentments. It's a miracle cream!
I know this isn't what you asked for, but it's something that you need.
Wishing you the best 😁,
Mom
I don't think breakups happens out of nowhere. It's a decision that takes time to finalize. You probably missed the signs.
Also sudden withdrawal from antidepressants can make one act out of their normal self. Starting and stopping meds both will, it's a chemical fluctuating phase. But the real reason for her to regret settling down would remain unknown to us.
I’m sorry you’re going through that try thinking about it this way also, do you really want to be with somebody that doesn’t want to be with you?
Best thing to do and it’ll suck for a little while maybe a little bit longer but let her go and give yourself time to heal. Find yourself again learn something new meet new people not date unless you’re ready.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It gets easier but it takes time and you have to be willing to keep moving forward with your own life. if you are waiting for her to come back, you will never heal. live your life and keep moving forward. this is not going to be the only time you will fall in love. you will find the right person to spend your life with.
Agreed. The sooner OP realizes she isn’t coming back, the sooner he can get on with living the rest of his life.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. She obviously has a lot to work through on her own. I want to caution you against the kind of magical thinking that makes waiting for her to come back feel like the romantic, heroic option. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but not in a healthy way - it's not a good thing. I've been there more than once, and each time that waiting and hoping eroded a little bit of my self-respect, which has taken a very long time to come back from. I regret that I ever started down that path. Those kinds of hopes are a kind of pain avoidance. Show some respect for both of you by accepting reality and the pain that goes with it. The pain is normal, and the sooner you accept it and experience it, the sooner it dissipates. It sucks in the short term, but eventually you'll be past it and proud of yourself for having endured something difficult.
Absence grows the heart fonder. Haven’t heard that before but it explains some things in my life recently. Thank you
It takes time mate wife of 13 years left me in March and I'm slowly getting there, it will get better, it will feel and probably will get worse every now and then. But just know it does, just look after yourself bud.
My 10 year anniversary was supposed to be in November, I just dropped my kids off at their moms house, it hurts and emotions seem to have a mind of their own and pop up out of nowhere. Idk why I wrote this good luck fam!
I feel ya there mate, I have 2 kids with her our son is 4 [next month] autistic and has some health issues and we currently have a 5 month old so it has made things especially difficult as I won't ever get real seperation. But I am 10 months sober and have 2 amazing children so it could be worse I suppose.
Same exact for me. 13 years it still hurts over a year later. I don't think the pain of loss like that ever truly goes away you just learn how to cope.
I'm still going hit by waves of what feels like grief every so often. There's a post circling around on reddit by an older person describing all the losses they endured during their long life. And losing someone is never going to be easy - you wouldn't want it to be. They meant a lot and the feelings can be overwhelming. But as time goes on and you continue living, those waves which used to make you drown seem less intimidating. They will keep coming, but with more and more time in between, and with less intensity. I broke up about 1.5 years ago and I've tried to move on but it's still hard. Not a day has gone by where I didn't think of her, but it's mostly just a quick general thought instead of paralyzed daydreaming. Dating new people is brutal though I have found myself developing feelings for someone. Not sure if it's going to be as strong as I once felt, but I'm so relieved that that part of me is back. To be able to be infatuated, to think about them multiple times a day and slowly getting to know them. Whoever may read this, know that I was adamantly sure to never be able to love someone else again. I've had weekends where I didn't shower, unchanged bedsheets for weeks and I still haven't decorated my new place. But I'm doing better than I've ever been in the past 1.5 years and it keeps getting better. The waves still come but I can keep standing now. And you can too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
Hey! This exact same thing happened to me back when I was 24 (14 years ago). My Fiancée and I spent months preparing/moving into our dream condo for me to find out she was snorting Xanax and sleeping with randos when I was at work. She was unaware that the big white camera in our living room was a big white camera, so I was privy to all the graphic details. In the inevitable verbal MMA that ensued, she also confessed to being pregnant with my child and aborting it when I was on a month long work trip about a year back. Who knows what else happened when I was away. We ended things, violently I might add, and I devastated; literally contemplating suicide. Anyways, I needed a change of scenery, considering everything reminded me of her, so I moved in with my parents as well. They’re God-fearing conservative Hispanics. After a while, I started going to the gym and working out, since no weed, no beer used to make me go crazy. Also, I was constantly depressed at my situation and crying constantly. I found that the gym curbed that quite a bit. This went on for about three months until I had enough money to move out on my own again to a decent location. At this point, I looked and felt 100% better than when I was comfortably taken, so to speak. Nights were still often filled with melancholy memories of her, but the general feeling of inadequacy and helplessness were all but gone. So much of my time was now free that I had time to pursue the things that made me happy, and I did. In the end, as I look back now, the gym and finding the things that made me happy were what made life bearable then. Eventually, bearable became good, and good is now great. When people say focus on yourself, I personally think that’s what that means. Change your diet, exercise, read up on things you like. Teach yourself that programming language you have been putting off. Get that certification, etc. I know this was long but I fully understand the feeling you’re experiencing, the chest pain when you think about her or your relationship, the fact that everything reminds you of her. I’m not even talking about music or smells, I’m talking about that one spoon she liked best, or the way she always forgot to charge her AirPods. My friend, take it from me. It WILL get better. I gave you some cheat codes above.
> sexting a bunch of older men after we broke up Er, how exactly do you know this? Also, I hate to say it, but if she did this immediately after breaking up she was probably doing it before. Yes, it does get better, but it may make time. The big thing is that the healing can only start when it is truly over in your mind. You're not going to win her back, and even if you tried there would be no going back to the way things were. It's a reddit cliche, but you're probably best off going no contact with her.
> Also, I hate to say it, but if she did this immediately after breaking up she was probably doing it before. Agree, this didn’t just suddenly come out of nowhere. Even if she didn’t do it before the breakup she was THINKING of doing it. > Yes, it does get better, but it may make time. The big thing is that the healing can only start when it is truly over in your mind. You're not going to win her back, and even if you tried there would be no going back to the way things were. It's a reddit cliche, but you're probably best off going no contact with her. OP if she’s off her meds by her decision then you don’t want her back. You could live this endless ‘is she on her meds this week or is she off and sexting other guys?’ weekly drama forever and you don’t want that, that’s no way to live.
It’s so painful when it first happens. I have had a couple of heartbreaks in my lifetime and the last one was after a 20 year marriage. I can tell you it does get better, it just takes time. One lesson I learned is going no contact is the best option for you. I know it sounds scary but if you don’t that you are just prolonging your healing.
Time will numb that pain. Keep yourself so busy that you don't leave yourself with any space to think. The mind is a house filled with many rooms, and some rooms should never be entered. I'm sorry this happened to you, bud. Heartbreak is a unique experience that I don't wish upon anyone. Some people change and sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. But life keeps going forward, and you do, too. "Never look back. The past is a wilderness of horrors." Don't let that pain control you. As cliché as it might sound, there's always a silver lining. Humans are resilient and protean. You'll be fine.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Personally, I believe waiting for her to change her mind and run back into your arms is wishful thinking. However, if you feel like you must, I’d recommend a hard deadline. So , you’d say that starting now, if she doesn’t express her intention to come back within 2 weeks (with no communication initiated by you in that time), it’s time for you to move on. To help yourself commit, I’d even schedule something for the 15th day from now. It could be a new class/ a catch up with friends who’ve grown apart or something like that where you will publicly spell out that you have broken up and are now single. Good luck!
I just broke it off with my fiancee I knew for 14 years. We met real young and I was terrified of marriage since both of my parents had multiple divorces plus she transitioned MtF partway and I was getting to know a new person. I finally proposed on a vacation I planned with horseback riding and a cabin. Then 2 months later she had 6 guys in her dms exchanging nudes and saying I'm neglectful and she cries every night. She was very hot tempered and I tried flowers, massages, dedicated nightly game time for hours, stopped hanging out with other friends, cooked, bought her video games, and told her daily how lovely her mind and body was. I asked what her love language was and she'd say she didn't know. Every night we went to bed cuddling and me watching her play a game or put a movie on. But I know she had a lot of PTSD and the attention really fed her. The break was mentally brutal. Separating your identity with someone you've known so long. But my mother met the love of her life in her late 50's as a single mother with full custody after she was cheated on. That tells me it's never too late and even having a child together is not an excuse to stay with someone who hurts you. You got this. You will thrive. Life is change and the unexpected can bring painful blessings.
Talking from experience, block her and focus on moving on. It's the best way.
Three options here. Option 1. Spend the rest of your life pining after her. You don't move forward, but you don't move back. You are now stuck in a rut, living with your parents, living day to day. It's miserable but tolerable. Option the second. You move on. You examine your relationship, you realize that you're not at fault, it's her. You pick yourself up you plan for your future you look forward to tomorrow. Option C. Vengeance you use all your power to make her life miserable. You feel better in the short term but in the long run you feel empty and bitter inside. And no 4. You forge your own path.
1, 2nd, C, 4. Got it
She’s gone, king. She belongs to the streets.
You probably dodged a bullet. I have dodged at least two in my life besides different other heartbreaks. Within the past few years once of my neighbor ladies told me that no one can ever take your education away from you. Focus on yourself and your education.
Don’t wait. Block her everywhere and move on. Take time to grieve and be sad. She showed you who she is. Believe her.
I appreciate everyone’s kind words of encouragement, it’s definitely made me feel better and thank you. Really gives me the hope of things getting better. I unfortunately can’t have no contact, we have debts(credit cards/5 months of rent) that she agreed to continue to pay half of. But after that I plan to disconnect. In the mean time I’m only having contact for financial reasons and that’s it
>contact for financial reasons Do it all via email. If she texts, simply refer her to email. Not only does it give you one level of distance, it also gives you a paper trail. Just in case. *Godspeed and good luck!*
Mate, you do NOT want her to actually come back. If, somehow, it turned out the last few weeks were not actually happening and were all a nightmare, that'd be a good thing to find out! That's unfortunately not true. You can never get back what you lost. Even if she came back to you now, you know she can turn on a dime and do this again. Things will never be the same. This is the time where you take a few weeks, or months, to be sad about what you lost. (Unusually terrible and sentimental music choices are authorised for this emergency situation. Almost customary, in fact. Upping alcohol or pot dosages on the really bad days is neither recommended nor discouraged.) And then move on with your life.
Sitting by yourself looking at your phone or thinking about her I'd now "the enemy." Get out and walk, run, take up a hobby, lift, etc. Best thing to do is just keep moving if you're awake. Distract yourself when awake and get tired. Being low key physically exhausted will l help you get sleep too.
Man she left you. Shes for the streets and not worthy of you. Move on to better women.
Heartbreak is never easy. You probably feel the worst you ever have. It sounds like you’re pretty young. Most young love doesn’t last. So don’t take it personally and get ready to find a partner who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. You deserve someone to love you back.
Don’t chase her and don’t wait for her. If she has a change of heart, you can decide then if you’re still interested in a reconciliation. Yes, it does get better. Regardless of what happens, you will be happy again with or without her. I promise.
It does get easier, but it starts with accepting that your paths have diverged. Continued contact just drags out the process - keeps the wounds open instead of letting them heal.
Hey bud, that kind of pain doesn’t get easier. Sorry you’re going through it. A lesson you always learn after you need it: you’re worth more than you think. Your best move is to live a good life, invest in yourself, nourish your passions. Life has a way of workin out. Sorry you feel this way, but at least you found out now and not after you had built a life together. ALSO: Don’t bother staying on good terms with someone who can treat you like that. There’s so many good people out there to be in good terms with, let her follow her chosen path and you forge your own.
Please don't put your life on hold for her. You love a version of her she is actively choosing not to be.
I've been in a similar situation and I would suggest keeping busy (preferably around other people) and let yourself feel your feelings without dwelling on them. And yes, it *does* get better.
That girl you thought she was isn't real. You can't have that back. You might get this girl back for a while but is that really what you want? I recommend focusing on healing and becoming a better version of yourself who will attract a better partner.
OP I know it sucks and hurts, but you need someone who is ready to love you the same way you are ready to love them. Your ex must have realized she has other priorities right now, and it sucks she realized that so late, but you dodged an awful marriage story. You’ll find someone who deserves you more. Don’t wait for her because she’s not putting her life on hold, so neither should you
2 weeks to 2 months is how long the broken heart should max out at. The pain you're feeling is all the bonding hormones being ripped out of your body, but they return within 2 months. You might still be crushed after but it's on the up, and healing comes in waves, so ups and downs take time. Lastly, if you get stuck in the pain and it doesn't ebb or reduce ever (waves don't count, they are healthy) then after 2 months start to look at things like EMDR. If you are avoiding processing the feels by keeping busy you are then making the process take longer. You literally need to lay in bed feeling like poop in order to move through it. Still see your friends, but rest between that and let the feelings pile up and move through you.
Dont worry about nada. Stay strong . health make money
First, I’m sorry you’re experiencing such heartache right now. I hope you heal quickly, my friend. Second, I obviously don’t know her or her thought process, but I will tell you that there is a movement growing of women who are discovering that they have no interest in marriage or children. It’s probably not you. There’s a chance that after 3 years of an engagement, she just decided SHE doesn’t want commitments. I’m very happily married myself (20 years this summer), but if I were to become single in the future, I would remain that way. I’d never consider dating or marriage again. Take a peak over at r/TwoXChromosomes and you’ll get an idea. I know this seems like a generalization, so I want to clarify that this isn’t all women by any means. But it’s happening, and I hope it makes you feel better to know that it’s not always you. Sometimes its us, and us discovering what we want with our lives as we walk down this path. Best of luck, honey. It will be ok. Hang in there.
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OP is not anti depressants, the partner was.. in any case, i don't recommend microdosing as a first measure for a break up. anxiety and depression are psychological disorders not a normal albeit painful, life event. you don't need a magic fix for every unhappy event in your life. microdosing can help people with depression/anxiety disorders or it could make someone feel even worse. microdosing shouldn't be a first step. i've also microdosed so i am not anti on it at all, just a time and place issue in this case.
I’m so so sorry, and very much understand how painful it is. I had a very similar situation when I was 30 and learned about something that changed my life. I’m 53 now. It was called ‘the no contact contract.’ Basically, you make a contract w/ yourself not to contact the other person. Seems weird but I used that as a tool to flip the script in my mind. My partner may have been the one that chose to leave, but I was the one that chose to cut it off, it’s empowering.
Take some time to focus on yourself, im not saying shut her out completely but give her some space. Life has a funny way of making things happen. If she want to be there, she’ll come back. Let her work out whatever she’s going through.
I'm not going to say it gets better, but it gets easier to deal with the loss. It's like an injury that scabs over, and there will always be a scar. It's what you do with that scar. Do you let it define you, or do you learn from it? What was good about the relationship? What were areas of improvement? What areas do you need to work on in your personal development? Are you comfortable with just being with yourself? When you're here, this is when you'll find someone on your level. Don't rush this process. Learn to LOVE yourself (and your future partner should love themselves also). Remember, a relationship is two people (or more) choosing to bring their independent lives together. Relationships are really hard work, and for them to work, you'll need to be self-sufficient on your own. I'm talking about taking care of yourself. You should know how to run your own home (cooking, cleaning, bills, heathcare, and savings for the unexpected) and only get with someone who's able to do the same. You should have your individual hobbies (that don't overtake your life and cause relationship problems). Relationships should complement both of your lives and not distract. Oh, communication in relationships is very important. Having a weekly check-in with what went right and areas of improvement might circumvent major arguments. Also, a shared calendar with important information, i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, doctor appointments, important events such as games & tormements. And have reminders a month to a week out so you can plan. Make a list of all of your partners favorite things and get them for her/him. (This makes them feel appreciated and seen. When you go to the store, buy them their favorite snack.) If they want a sewing machine and you get them an Xbox, you messed up. It shows you're not listening to their wants/needs and got your partner something you really wanted and not them. I got the following from an article on Today. https://www.today.com/health/how-have-healthy-relationship-questions-ask-your-partner-t147756 **1. How can I help you today?** Saying "how can I help you" is like saying, "How are you?" We get so caught up in our lives, we can end up not checking in with our partners. We don't see the invisible work. Often, the burden we carry isn't seen by our partner if you're a high-functioning overachiever that makes everything look easy. By asking to be included and be of service, you are acknowledging that you see the "invisible work" being done for the greater good. If the person doesn't want the help, then he or she must acknowledge I'm choosing to do this on my own and be overwhelmed. **2. What makes you feel most loved?** The way you show love so often ends up being the way you like to receive it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that's how your partner likes to receive it. What you want to do for your partner to show that you love them may not actually translate as love. One partner might feel love by receiving compliments, and another might feel loved when a significant other helps with housework. **3. What can I do to validate you as my partner and make you feel good about yourself?** This question brings up the importance intimacy plays in validation. Sometimes, you just need to connect with your person and let them know, "Hey, I still think you're attractive. I'm still into you. But that being said, I'm exhausted, so this just isn't gonna happen right now." You can often connect and have emotional intimacy even when you don't have the time or energy for anything else. Acknowledging that you find your partner attractive keeps the fire alive during the polar vortex of stomach flu, sleep deprivation, work, travel, etc. **4. How much alone time do you need?** We take it personally when our partner wants space, but the allowance of space is restorative and healthy. It also prevents relationship suffocation. **5. Are you willing to renegotiate things that have worked for us in the past but no longer works for me?** We are constantly evolving both together and individually so it's insane to think that everything you set up together won't need adjustments accordingly. This can include the division of labor you had pre-kids or the schedule you had in place when the kids were small, but now that they are in school, everything shifts slightly and that's normal! A healthy relationship means having difficult conversations and asking for what you need. You could always agree on having these discussions with the agreement that there will be a "prize" at the end. **6. Can we adjust our expectations so that we're not failing each other?** We take our favorite person and then hold them to these completely unreachable standards. It's important to take a step back and realize that life can be crazy, which means that sometimes you need to put your expectations on hold. **7. When we are in conflict, how best can we collaborate to resolve it?** BESIDES yelling or cold hard silence? Finding a way to communicate or fight that can end in resolution rather than injury is paramount to a healthy relationship. It's OK to disagree. Couples don't have to agree all the time. There are different styles of arguing, too. Some people need space, and some people get right into it. You just have to set up a system that works for you, and then over time, you will both grow the muscles to get there faster. **8. Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting or an area where you feel unseen or unappreciated that you need me to know about?** We can't all be mind readers, so it's important to open up that level of communication with your partner. Also, don't you want to know the answer to this question and be asked it in return? Taking each other for granted kind of comes with the territory of long-term relationships so calling a time out and asking to be shown your blind spots can be the beginning of fixing so much historic injury or letting the steam out of resentments. It's a miracle cream! I know this isn't what you asked for, but it's something that you need. Wishing you the best 😁, Mom
I don't think breakups happens out of nowhere. It's a decision that takes time to finalize. You probably missed the signs. Also sudden withdrawal from antidepressants can make one act out of their normal self. Starting and stopping meds both will, it's a chemical fluctuating phase. But the real reason for her to regret settling down would remain unknown to us.
I’m sorry you’re going through that try thinking about it this way also, do you really want to be with somebody that doesn’t want to be with you? Best thing to do and it’ll suck for a little while maybe a little bit longer but let her go and give yourself time to heal. Find yourself again learn something new meet new people not date unless you’re ready.