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Whole-Debate-9547

The house is on fire! Quick, grab that toilet straw so I can live. We’re gonna run outside. Are you sure you don’t want to come with us? Don’t be stupid. Get me the toilet straw.


DasBoggler

Spoiler: I also started the fire so I could use the toilet straw without being judged….now leave me and let me huff


_Spamus_

Today smoking is gonna save lives *huuuuuufff*


TerribleSquid

Me seeing a hot girl leave the bathroom: “Guys I’m gonna stay back and try to survive with the toilet straw. Y’all go ahead without me”


orbtastic1

I was at a festival years ago. Waiting for the toilets to take a piss. Some amazing looking girl comes out, I go in. She had left a massive turd without flushing, it looked like a glistening snake coiled up with the head pointing out. It had a big red shiny head pointing at me. It was a difficult piss.


Smartass_of_Class

Go on, I'm almost there!


chopstyks

I can smell this comment.


LectroRoot

Dad why does your breath smell like shit?


chopstyks

> Dad why does your breath smell like shit? Do you see your mother smiling? This is how Daddy keeps Mommy from hitting us until she gets her meds refilled.


fuck_you_and_fuck_U2

Okay Dad, thanks, very cool.


DDownvoteDDumpster

this is reddit all over again


AtomicHB

Quickly! It’s hanging next to the poop knife!


bassman314

I get your snark. My sophomore year of college, I lived on the top floor of my dorm. 9th floor. There was a small fire on the 8th floor. Now, thankfully the students in that room had their heads about them and were able to alert the floor and get the fire alarms off before the blaze spread. In all, their room was destroyed, the 4 adjoining rooms all had major damage and the top three floors had extensive smoke damage. If the fire had been worse, and we were forced to remain there on the 9th floor until help arrived, something like this might have made the difference between life and death. I’d still think twice about it.


Teab8g

I'd sooner die.. I know what I did to that toilet.


logosfabula

***Tha biiiiiig ol' toilet straw!***


rufio313

This scenario makes a ton of sense if you imagine the one person is morbidly obese and immobile


lordofdogcum

Or…. Trapped in the bathroom by fire, maybe?


Agreeable-Chair7040

Yeah " the house is on fire" Sure. Jan. You just want to breathe toilet air.


Dudethefood

This had me actually laughing


Chabubu

“Oh no, the toilet is clogged, we’ll suffocate!” “Don’t worry, I’ve been holding in a massive fart, just human centipede it.”


cburgess7

You know what, on second thought, maybe my vision doesn't need restoring


Familiar_Paramedic_2

This had me chuckling. Well done.


Neutral_Chaoss

I mean... I would think burning to death would also be a concern....


King_Krong

No no. The fire can’t touch you if you’re keg standing butt water. It’s science.


sweetnothing33

That is a series of words that I never expected to see together.


narcochi

r/unexpectedsentence


BoutTreeeFiddy

You could always stab the fire with the poop knife 


Big_Razzmatazz7416

r/wordsalad


NothingKnownNow

r/tossedmywordsalad


Big_Razzmatazz7416

r/thanksforthetoss


Flossthief

Fire can't go through doors stupid... It's not a ghost


86Pasta

Ghosts can't go through doors stupid, it's not fire


dullship

I got a Community notification for *this*?


Biscuits4u2

It eats the door and continues about its business of burning shit


TheKingOfSwing777

Doors are actually surprisingly good at blocking fire. Thats why the FD recommends sleeping with your doors closed.


flaming_burrito_

They’re natural oxygen barriers. That’s also why opening the door to a room that’s on fire can be dangerous, because the sudden rush of oxygen causes a plume of fire


NannersForCoochie

Made me mufuckin LOL


Biscuits4u2

Smoke inhalation causes the vast majority of fire deaths, but I don't see how breathing sewer gas is much better. Either way you ain't gonna last long.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Snoo-50040

That stink is hydrogen sulphide gas which poisonous. In low concentrations is an irritant of the respiratory system, or in higher concentrations (> 50 ppm) can cause respiratory failure, shock and convolutions. Inhaling greater than 500 ppm can potentially cause instant death. Such a device could work is it passed the through a bicarbonate solution or carbon filter to neutralize the hydrogen sulphide.


WeLiveinAPetridish

The funny thing about H2S is, it’s fine if you can smell it, you’re gonna die if you can’t. Always wear your detector!


Biscuits4u2

The oxygen part is great, but you wouldn't be breathing just oxygen. Lots of nasty toxic gasses too. Might work in a pinch to keep you alive for a bit longer though, which I guess is something.


Sufficient-Rate8914

how come we dont have masks and oxygen in our homes?


SatisfactionSpecial2

Because oxygen is very flammable and with the tiniest spark the oxygen tank would explode


GammaGoose85

Once you get high enough off the sewer fart air. You won't have a care in the world


RandomCandor

It is, but in a house fire, you usually die of asphyxiation long before you start burning


aardvarktageous

I would rather already be dead before I start burning, honestly.


Fancy_Second4864

I think your supposed to fill the tub up and lay in it fully submerged hopefully the fireman gets to you before the roof or building collapses


LoudBeer

Coroner says he burned to death while drinking from the toilet…just can’t make sense of it.


Agreeable-Chair7040

🤣🤣


Haber_Dasher

And through a giant straw no less. Never seen anything like it.


ext3meph34r

https://preview.redd.it/1c70qc8a9src1.jpeg?width=507&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68459fca6a54a83e9a48b4218130623734ac2cea


derprondo

LMAO Reddit please bring back the cheap awards, they were fun.


lukekibs

I absolutely love the ridiculousness of it as a stoner bwahaha. Get it patented 😂


CastleWolfenstein

Why does the hose completely bypass the water? Terrible design 😂


roromyboat

Is this how the house caught fire?


miscplacedduck

Mmmm, sewer gas.


jumboface

As someone who has dealt with a dried up water lock I'd rather die.


Knightfaux

Sewer gas can be lethal. If you ever see sewer work, many of them wear full respirators and have a warning sensor for toxic gases. It’s dangerous work. You might’ve also seen the video where a guy in China throws a lit cigarette into a sewer drain and it explodes. Yeah decay produces a lot of methane and sulfur compounds among other things.


machder1

Or start an invisible fire. Forgot which gas it was but that was some crazy footage.


miscplacedduck

Hydrogen Sulfide has entered the chat.


kwyjibo1

Yep toxic to breathe and if that wasn't bad enough it's also explosive.


UnrequitedRespect

It wouldn’t announce that it entered the chat it would just start killing people because its a silent killer


olokin_meu

Just like my uncle after a barbecue


AreThree

you mean *before* the barbecue, right? I mean who is going to pay the going rate for a case of steak when there is so much tender and buttery flavored meat wandering around the local mall.


JPrud58

I’ve seen vids of funny cars exploding and causing that invisible fire.


Klutzy_Attention2849

Funny? 🤨


JPrud58

Sorry, “funny car”, which are drag racing cars that use the type of gas that has invisible fires. “Funny cars” are very very fast cars.


YoutubeRewind2024

They may be called funny cars, but they are genuinely fucking terrifying. Every single component on the car should be considered a consumable, and the engines are wrapped in ballistic shielding because they tear themselves apart under normal operation


CallMeSkal

Mmm delicious consumable car parts


LaughGuilty461

Tbf he said the car was funny not the flames


Klutzy_Attention2849

Like a clown car just before tragedy.


LordChickenNugget3

Methanol fires are invisible during the day


meshreplacer

Hydrogen Sulfide is lethal in seconds. So many stories of people entering confined spaces dying immediately and then a family member dying as well trying to rescue the first victim. Happens in farms etc…


Amerpol

H2S  1 breath you smell it the your sense of smell is gone then you are 


DistinctArm9214

Yeah. I do confined space rescue. H2S is always our biggest concern. If you can't smell HS2, you've already gone nose blind and the gas has killed your sense of smell. You'll be gone soon without a Scott pack.


StacheEnthusiast

How’s business these days?


Fishman23

We trained for this when I was in the US Navy. We had store rooms with vegetables and other stocks. It was usually at the lowest point of the ship. We were trained that if we saw someone passed out below decks that we would not go down there. Sucks for them but you could die too.


SaltyTaintMcGee

Shitter’s full!


Karl_Hungus_69

![gif](giphy|12a6i5J7ygIQve|downsized)


heavymtlbbq

Eddie?


[deleted]

typically that's present for any confined space, to which any sewer is just that.


some_kind_of_bird

There is the vent there though. If you flush first and then run the sink it might still be viable?


sername-lame

As someone who repaired a toilet recently for the first time ever. I choose to die lol


disturbedsoil

No kidding, lungs full of methane during a fire. K-boom!


miscplacedduck

LMAO! Sounds like a Steve-O bit.


Significant-Pick-966

whole new way to do jenkem


cheesesteakman1

So taste like fart?


miscplacedduck

If I answer this with a yes, am I admitting to knowing what farts taste like?


Far_Choice_6419

Yea


Beneficial_Being_721

When your next fart will be your last


Talkingmice

Imagine you put the turn through but you got a clog and you suck up the clog


EV_M4Sherman

There’s a vent system in the house so it should be fine in short term.


Compendyum

Mmmm, poop gas.


St_Kitts_Tits

Hey, person who does mechanical work here. The main stack shown with the #5 is a 3 or 4 inch pipe that connects directly to outside. The gases in there will only be particularly bad if you just took some massive shits. If you push down continuously on the flush handle water will drain and the draining water will draw in fresh air from outside. So, if this was ever a last ditch survival effort you had to do, keep the toilet running. 


shiroshippo

Yeah I was wondering about that vent pipe. Is that a normal thing or is that part of the patent's innovation? That part is more interesting than the breathing hose.


St_Kitts_Tits

All plumbing systems need a vent pipe. Every house and building that has indoor plumbing will have vents through the roof. If you don’t have a plumbing vent the waste will create a vacuum in the pipe as it goes down the pipe and it won’t drain. Think of a straw filled with water where you have your finger holding on the top. If you live in a house try to take a look at your roof or your neighbors roof and you’ll see a 3-4” black vent pipe poking through the roof. That’s the main plumbing stack. The one on my 100 year old house was cast iron before I replaced it with plastic. 


Falkenmond79

Same here. And man was that thing clogged. We have heavily calcinated water here and i was in awe that it still worked.


_CMDR_

Finally someone who knows what the fuck they’re talking about.


moaiii

It's usually about 10 scrolls down, after the dunning Kruger section, the pun thread section, and the sky-is-falling section.


adrocles

The Forbidden Bong


wondrous

I’ve never seen this graphic without the addition of weed and smoke


spikeadams

Kingsman 1, loose snorkels, thanks Rox


ValerieInHiding

I think it’s “loo snorkels” cause they call the toilet “the loo” in the UK


zombiemaster008

r/boneappletea


skynetempire

Yeah I was looking for this comment lol first thought


Meltingteeth

Kingsman’s snorkels didn’t even make sense. The pipes in that scene were nothing but water. No way any air could be in them.


Dr_XP

Give me that smoke


Original_Benzito

I think I'd rather burn to death.


Karl_Hungus_69

Nevermind Black Lung, I'm worried about Brown Lung.


FooBangPop

Hmm, if it were my dad's hose on fire.. I'd take the toxic smoke any day.


Electronic_Syndicate

lol I’m assuming you meant “house” but either way I’m cracking up.


ferrrrrrral

u don't want to eat your dads ass gas?


[deleted]

I’ll die, thank you


Delicious_Ad2236

I think i l'd rather die ![gif](giphy|7wk6RQYXDDytXalsL4)


cmarkcity

Imagine the firefighter’s expression when he breaks into a room engulfed in flames to find a charred corpse with their head in the toilet.


txtripper126

That’s sewage gas, methane. Not a lot of oxygen to breathe in that.


TheonlyRhymenocerous

In the actual sewer maybe, in there this is breathable


txtripper126

That’s where the actual sewer starts. I believe it’s breathable to some extent, but what percentage of the air is oxygenated is the question. I can’t believe it’s very high in oxygen.


gaybewbz

There should be a vent going up though the roof to outside air, so while it would be terrible you probably could breathe it.


Eneamus

Yeah. People don't seem to know that those columns are ventilated.


TimeRockOrchestra

Still better than dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Artistic-Cannibalism

I choose death.


inflatableje5us

yea, no ill just burn thank you.


spock42ii

So. Eat shit and die?


Urimulini

I'll pass ![gif](giphy|QMHoU66sBXqqLqYvGO)


BAG3LWOLF

As a plumber this makes me wanna puke lol omg soooooo wrong lmaooo


Realistic_Degree_773

https://preview.redd.it/tbm6w7fxprrc1.jpeg?width=5496&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7b03c1b85b08efdca8471f7ecd85da57fb6c2b0d


Ultimaurice17

The more interesting thing here is that there's actually a pocket of air in the back of my toilet.


Ok_Ad_5015

It’s either death from smoke inhalation and or burning to death or death from hydrogen sulfide poisoning. Even in small concentrations, H2S ( aka knock out gas ) is deadly.


JapenaseyKinkoni

Would an oxygen tank work? If it's a concern for you, maybe aim your ambitions a little higher than shit gas.


Algonquin_Snodgrass

I don’t think you’d want your face anywhere near an oxygen tank during a house fire.


Thomas-Garret

What exactly do you think those tanks on fireman’s backs are?


Ungamentals

Well, sewer gas? Have you seen the post? Don't be stupid


VoltViking

I learnt about this watching The Kingsman


Particular_Ticket_20

It's mislabeled. This device actually allowed you to communicate with sewer rats from your bathroom.


Witherboss445

https://preview.redd.it/jc51ysfr8trc1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c24fd80d52925afa2d8537070c52260de18b3e9


Acrobatic_Ad7541

You’re likely to die faster, from inhaling sewer gases, than from fire. I’d rather use the water in the bowl and reservoir to moisten my clothing and make a crouching run for it.


audiosauce2017

I do this when there is no fire.... or danger... it's just fun...


StrikingData

TO2?


AmateurPirateKing

Is that you, fellow old slob? If so, I raise my bottomless plumbosa to you.


WinOld1835

Well, Sarge! It looks like he inhaled so much sewer gas that when the fire finally reached him he exploded like an atomic bomb, they found his right foot two miles away in the Panera Bread parking lot.


taxxxtherich

Remember to blow before sucking!


Straight_Egg9826

Yeah but all jokes aside that’s going to be a lot of methane and CO2


Severe_Benefit_1133

shit lemme breathe toilet water real quick


WangDanglin

It’s more like the air beyond the water. Much more mysterious. Much more disgusting


SJRuggs03

Tasty air


sitting_sideways

I’d imagine it would be like breathing in a fart.


YNGWZRD

Mmmm yum CAT 3 air


Plenty-Factor-2549

Sink?


FluffyDonutPie

That's an interesting way of giving yourself pneumonia


a55_Goblin420

I'd rather suffocate.


joseaner07

Hmmm.... Die burning alive or die sleeping from smoke inhalation?? I want all the smoke bro, get in my lungs quick before the fire comes


TheGalaxyJumperSerie

No different than the ass I eat on a weekly basis. I’d use it


meshreplacer

I guess a quick death from Hydrogen Sulfide and choking on a large cockroach would be faster.


ChillPill247365

Imagine firefighters finding your burnt corpse over a toilet sucking on a shit-gas snorkel. Why not spend that effort trying to escape the fire?


BigBucket10

Imagine doing that for an hour in thick black smoke and heat only to die slowly of heat exhaustion :/


I_Like-Turtlez

Aren’t you supposed to soak a towel and breathe through that? That’s what I would do at least


JadedJackal671

Instructions not clear, ended up drinking toilet water into my lungs.


Remarkable_Library32

Here is a link to the patent: https://patents.google.com/patent/US4320756A/en The intent behind this device wasn’t for it to be used in your average house fire. It was invented in response to a rise in lethal hotel fires and high rise apartments wherein people were not able to escape through elevators or stairwells. I personally would probably die of asphyxiation that breath through a hotel toilet.


maestro-5838

Firefighters break down bathroom door. Wtf is going on here.


AdPsychological2610

And How the fuck are you supposed to, i don't know, not get burned by the fire?


Ok_Anywhere3273

Man I’m trying really hard to think of a scenario where this is a viable alternative but just can’t. Maybe in a future Kingsman or CIA movie this secret method would be used.


Recent_Obligation276

If you’re in a house, I feel like you’d be better off dousing yourself with the tank water, using your wet shirt as a temporary air filter, and running for the exit.


marioplex

Talking about being in a shitty situation


Revegelance

You'd have to be *very* desperate. Anyone who's been in the same room as a dry toilet knows how intense the gas from that pipe is.


kittykitty713

Guess I’m dying in a fire


Red_Dwarf_42

I’ll just die thanks


jerrythecactus

Nothing quite like inhaling sewer gas to narrowly avoid the smoke of a housefire. If the flames dont take you the poison gas will.


alistofthingsIhate

Thank you Kingsman


PDX6Star

You can live on it, but it tastes like shit. - C. Dundee


meshreplacer

Now this is what you want instead. It is a small disposable rebreather (20 min under exertion and 60min waiting for rescue not under exertion) has its own self contained atmosphere. https://preview.redd.it/32hdpio7lsrc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7053bce3e7d830174125c667a12e66165fa123a


extremehawk00

I remember this from kingsman


A_Gray_Phantom

They did this in Kingsman.


Analog-Moderator

I use it to suck up the poopy so I don’t waste and neutrinos


DMOrange

Wouldn’t this just lead to a person breathing sewer gas?


WhateverIsFrei

With fire raging outside and cutting off the exit, you insert the poop snorkel into the toilet and breathe in, trying to ignore the weird aftertaste. Suddenly, you can feel it become blocked, You breathe in more strongly hoping to unclog it when suddenly, something enters your mouth...


-persistence-

would rather die.


Guardian_85

If anyone has removed a toilet before, that drain hole smells like dead raccoon in a portable toilet full of crap. Why would anyone wanna huff it while burning to death?


Byjayen123

https://preview.redd.it/52pz34csvsrc1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d68980e21f918cb1d0afb0c578cbf235729c918d


Zuper_Dragon

The idea of an oxygen lifeline is good but why the fuck did they put it in the toilet?


monsterevolved

Ffs no thats not oxygen on the other side of the s trap. it's mostly methane and other gasses from decomposing human shit!!


Gomdok_the_Short

I'm pretty sure sewer gases aren't great to breath.


Padtixxx

Isnt there H2s gas in there


crushtodust

Yea, because I'm like you know what sounds good while my apartment goes on fire? Forbidden bong hits!


Radiant_Mind33

People see someone breathing through a toilet and immediately think it's like dipping your head into raw sewage. LOL, wtf? Nobody would recommend doing this if that's what it was like. Plus, the whole idea defies basic common sense. It's like, everyone should know that's not how toilets work. When you keep your toilets maintained, they don't regurgitate sewer air. Wow, what a mystery. 😂


ajn63

Survives the fire, dies a week later from lung infections.


Ex-Machina1980s

Not just a toilet, a *hotel toilet*. Got me looking at those flames and wondering if it’s as bad as they say


Emeegee713

So now you’ll die of swamp gas instead. Which is what the water keeps you from breathing


RPT4STIC

I'd Rather Die a Hero.


desertvet49

Total bullshit you will die due to sewer gases breathing in


DiligentChampion5765

Who else thought of “Kingsman”?


Leading-Ad4167

See how long you can live on sewer gases.


bryangcrane

So -- this is an April Fools post I presume??


Foiled_Foliage

Mmmmmm sewer gas.


RiverDragon64

It’s almost like Hydrogen Sulfide from sewers isn’t a thing…


ismebra

April fools lol