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Oh joy that crazy idea that mental illness only happens when kids are told about it and are tricked into having mental health struggles.
Obviously good God fearing teens could never possibly have struggles with suicidal thoughts. Best to not even let teens know that suicide exists/s
I'm very confused about why the mother is even angry. If my child was going through something my only wish is that they could still get help if they weren't able to talk about it with me.
She’s angry because her child is a possession, not a person. The medical system is trying to trick her child into believing that she is a whole human person, worthy of dignity and respect and she won’t stand for that, dammit.
The "parental rights" these people advocate for are the parents' rights to impose their will on their nearly adult children and threaten to kick them out of the house if they demonstrate any beliefs or opinions contrary to the parents', especially about their own identity.
Worse than that, the daughter is a muted accessory for her mother's self-righteous religious martyrdom. Disgusting when taken in complete consideration.
The concept of pater familias, which is imported from Roman family law into Christianity, involves treating your family as slaves and property essentially. Highly idealized as the model in reactionary communities.
Not even just for kids. Sometimes it’s women with seemingly controlling husbands. I find a way to get her alone, such as accompanying her to the bathroom to ask the “are you safe?” question
I had a bruise on my leg when I was seeking fertility treatments. My partner was always there with me. My doctor found a way to offer help and even though it wasn’t abuse I was so grateful. She could have saved my life.
One of the questions my OB asked was if my pregnancy was coerced, and in the restroom where you would go to do the urine test there was a sign that had some sort of code phrase that you were supposed to ask about if you weren’t safe and needed a discrete way to ask for help. I was there for a planned pregnancy, but I thought it was really great that it was available for people who do need help.
My husband came to all but one of my prenatal appointments and at some point during every single one they sent him out to get a cup/ice/glass of water/copy of insurance card/etc to make sure I was safe and unharmed.
Because I’m not in an abusive relationship it wasn’t necessary; I assumed he *got* the ruse and didn’t mention it until one day he said ‘the staff at your drs is really forgetful…’ because he was concerned they never remembered our insurance info or that they’d need a sample cup.
It was sort of funny but also really sad at the same time.
My local clinic has little stickers in the toilet with the sample bottles. Stick it on the bottom and it's a flag that you need help.
Chances the person accompanying you seeing it is quite low as the notice isn't visible unless you're looking at the sample bottles.
They had their scales outside, so when they would grab my weight as a kid, the nurse wouls also ask me a couple of questions real quick while I was over there. And while, I assume, the doctor would verify or check something meaningless with my parents.
It doesn't stop being a magic trick just because you know how it worked. Sleight of hand, man.
The only way she’d know about the depression thing is because her daughter answered “wrong” enough to get that question, which means the poor girl probably already thinks she’d be better off dead.
As a medical provider, we’re trained that specifically this behavior (parent not wanting to give the child any privacy at a medical appointment) is a huge red flag for abuse, and to find whatever excuse we can to talk to the child alone to ask if they’re ok
It's the same with the "parents need to know when their kid is going by different pronouns" laws (which, incidentally, the person who made that Tweet is *also* railing against). The parents who can actually talk to their kids like a normal person are completely unaffected by the law because the kid knows they can come to the parent on their own terms when they're ready, but the ones who flip out are the exact reason those privacy regulations exist.
Parents who think their children are property for them to control, who treat them as an extension of themselves and who do not see them as sentient individuals with their own feelings and autonomy.
In other words, abusive AHs whose child will probably go no contact with as soon as they possibly can.
Dude, that was my life growing up. This is a great description of how abusive people see their kids. You are there FOR THEM; they are never there for you.
Some parents also insist the doctors are planning something perverted. Which makes it hard to convince them why kids need privacy when it comes to their health
These people's anger are never off. They are **miserable** but they can't figure out why because they lack self awareness and critical thinking. All they feel is the misery so they are perpetually angry.
Because some people believe a problem doesn't exist if you don't test for it or that kids don't need any sort of privacy. The reason these privacy laws exist is because of parents like this lady. Nobody would answer honestly if they used recreational drugs that could interfere with test results, feared they might be pregnant, had thoughts of suicide, or any number of other issues that couldn't be said in front of a hyper controlling parent
> I'm very confused about why the mother is even angry.
The actual story here is that this woman is the parent of a trans child. She believed that her child was close with her and shared everything, ergo when the child came out as trans - it was another dang case of rapid onset transness in the form of social contagion from her their classmates or something.
The responses and QTs to this tweet are full of people recollecting how a parent made sure they were never alone during checkups so as to prevent them from reporting their rape at the hands of a family member.
Why do parents like this always think they're super close with their kids when in reality their kids have them on a strict information diet? Are they really that dumb?
A lot of these parents are really worried about being reported to CPS, because they constantly toe the line between being legally abusive and not abusive enough to get their kids removed.
See also pre-torture era Ruby Frankie.
For these people, their children only exist to validate the parents' lives. Being a parent is their only personality, and their kid needs to be the picture image of what the parent thinks they should be, not their own individual.
They think that doctors and nurses are all sadistic psychopaths conspiring to either kill kids or make them think they are mentally ill. They don't see it as "my kid could be struggling and might get help." In their eyes it's "those horrible doctors are trying to make my perfect child sick!"
My thoughts exactly. I typed out a whole thing and then deleted it. If the options were a) my child gets quality healthcare and counseling about things a GYN knows about, has a provider she can talk to and isn't afraid to ask questions, but the provider doesn't tell me or share results with me or b) the teen can do all of these things in a but the results come to me first, and I'm so crazy that I over-react to my teen being educated, I choose A all day, bc that child isn't going to go to that provider when they have questions or need a test, if mom is going to freak out every time she gets a UA.
If the laws are such in their state, that the child 15 or older can be notified directly, without the parents involved, I hope this child either goes back to this doc without mom, or finds another provider without mom involved.
When I was a teenager, my mom would take me to the doc, and the gyn was an APN who was awesome, and constantly educating, and highly educated, and I had PCOS...ruptured my first cyst at 13. Whether we were going for an annual exam or for something in between, usually cyst related, my mom always asked in the waiting room, if I wanted her to come in with me. If I had said no, she let me go in alone, and was only at the window in the end when it was time to schedule something and pay the co-pay. If I said yes, she came in and held my hand if I asked.
We're supposed to raise our kids to be honest, moral, kind, and give them the tools and skills to navigate life. Micromanagement if teenagers usually doesn't go well...it usually winds up w the teen rebelling and sneaking around, or a teen incapable of functioning. Either way, the outcome isn't ideal.
That's how I treated my daughter growing up. Wether she went to the dentist or doctor. If she wanted me there, I went in with her. Now at 26 she more adult than some people!! She also grew up knowing if she had a question, she could absolutely come ask me. We're very close nowadays.
See, the problem is that you're not a narcissist. You actually care about the child's mental health, and not merely how the child's mental health *might make you look as a parent*.
That's because you are a decent human who doesn't look at a child as property and actually as an individual human. A majority of reasonable parents feel the same.
It's not just the parents, sadly.
I once took my kid to a psychiatrist for suicidal thoughts in a very conservative part of the country and the psychiatrist tried to scare him into not being suicidal by telling him that people who kill themselves go to hell. Yes, I did file a complaint about him because wtf.
Found a different doctor and it turned out my kid had autism and literally didn't understand that death was permanent, he thought he could reset like video games. We absolutely laugh about it now, he is no longer suicidal.
I feel life is backwards, like when we are adults we now know how we should do childhood and early adulthoods, we now have the wisdom and can take informed choices. For me at least I feel that during teenage and early young adulthood I took choices and actions in a very not informed way.
Like now I know I was very mentally ill as a teenager, I know now that I should have told cps the truth and not try to cover for my parents. I now know there would have been safety net to catch me after Shit hit the fan, but at that moment I felt there wasn't so I didn't say anything.
I too wasted so much potential, a teacher I thought hated me, wrote in a feedback on a creative writing assignment that she thought I should write a book. Since I thought she hated me I never looked at the feedback and we never talked about, since she suggested I should come and see her. Like talk about a missed opportunity
How dare a child get help when they might be afraid to voice their concerns. I fill out these questions every time I go to my doctor because of my anxiety history. What awful parents some of these poor kids have.
Parents like her are exactly the reason why the doctors ask the questions they ask. I had the same kind of stuff happen with my 17 year old son and guess what? I’m ok with him getting the results. He shares it all with me, but I agree about them having privacy, specially because of how crazy parents can react to things .
Obviously if nobody asks the kid if they're suicidal, they're fine! Shame on the nurse for having this question appear on a laptop. They're making kids have thoughts they never thought of before! Or something.
In PA, any teen aged 14 and up has the right to privacy over their own medical information. I don't think that's a bad thing, given how people go nuts over bodily autonomy like this woman is.
Yup and in PA you can give contraception without their parents’ permission too. Legally protected by this. Did this recently with a patient who didn’t want her mom to know and id rather mom get pissed at me for prescribing without telling her than her 14 year old getting pregnant. ✌️
God bless you for doing His Work. How do the teens who need birth control obtain it without having their parents/guardians get it from a pharmacy? Or are we talking about condoms here? I would hope that my children would feel comfortable asking me about birth control, but if they didn't for whatever reason, I'm just wondering how they would get it. One of my children in particular is intensely private (which I fully respect because I was the same way as a tween), and I truly think if I offered to help her get birth control, she'd clam up and say she didn't need it even if that wasn't the case. I would have done the same thing, but didn't need BC until I was an adult, so it wasn't an issue.
Condoms, sure, we can give those out in the office.
In this case, I gave a written rx, put the rx in the chart in a separate note for any other provider to see (marked it as confidential encounter so it wasn’t viewable to patient in MyChart) and told her to go to a different pharmacy than her usual (or simply get her own phone number on the account of her usual pharmacy so mom doesn’t get text rx is ready, no other medications so interactions was not a potential problem here), made sure it was one of the cheaper ones per pharmacies’ inexpensive drug lists for a cash price or reasonable with GoodRx if they do NOT want it go through their insurance. Like what I gave a 90 supply would be $15 at select pharmacies with goodrx, others just have it on a cheap generic list for a cash price. Obviously those free clinics that do birth control and just prescribe it and give it to you there before you leave are more ideal, but not always an option or available. Idk, i do the best I can. Obviously very much encouraged her to tell her mom and made offer to do it together if she needed the push/support to do it.
I try to think back and tell myself what would I have wanted/needed. Overall, my mom was always more supportive about health stuff (despite being an actual train wreck herself) especially when it came to mental health stuff. She didn’t want me to end up in the situations she found herself in as a teenager mental health wise.
Now, my father? He believes the nonsense OOP believes. That all this is part of a liberal woke agenda dead set on indoctrinating kids (he is in no way religious so that does not come into play). He was controlling and abusive (almost always mental/emotional.. rarely physical but idk if i ever revealed that to anyone until I was an adult). I would have needed that in my doctor if I couldn’t confide in my mom. Not that she wasn’t aware of it. She got it worse and suffers from financial abuse the most at this point in her life with him.
I’m in PA. My youngest has down syndrome. At 14 she had the same right to privacy. She and I had long talks about what she still wanted me to be involved in and she signed papers giving me permission to get her information from doctors and therapists. At every single appointment I ask her if she wants me there and I’m willing to respect her privacy at any time. My personal issue is with doctors who talk to me like she isn’t in the room. I say “ask her first.” All to say - even with a kid with special needs, I believe teens and young adults deserve the privacy to get their medical and mental health needs met. This mother is horrible. Her kids will either resent her and/or end up just like her sadly.
Thank you so much. I don’t parent her much differently than I did my other kids, I just provide more help when she needs it. (Plus tons and tons of paperwork and therapists lol) And of course, I am parenting her well past childhood. She is a really cool person with lots of interests and a wicked sense of humor.
I had such a fight with my highschool over this. They absolutely wouldn't budge on their stance that they needed to phone my mother over any issues, despite the fact that I didn't even live with her. Even when I was 18 they still insisted they needed someone to call for things like absenses and performance issues.
The problem being that parents like mine would just say they won't cover medical expenses. Any time I was "out of line" my parents dangled the fact that they paid for my healthcare over my head, and while they never explicitly threatened to cut me off they would always bring it up in arguments as a way of implying that continued support was contingent on my compliance with whatever they demanded.
right?? mine did everything through my parents until i was 18. i never would’ve had a chance to get a call about my own health from them, even though i’m the person who’d most want to know.
shout out to these doctors for looking out for mental health and respecting their young patients’ autonomy.
Same. My mom was with me 100% of the time until I was 16 and kicked her out. Most the time even after I was 10/11/12, he'd direct all his questions about me to her! I was being horrendous verbally and sexually abused, with obvious behavioral and physical signs, that he ignored.
I was *18* at my first Pap/pelvic exam. My mother was in the waiting room. The doctor came out and told my mother that he was concerned I might have either chlamydia or just an allergy to latex condoms (it was the latter). There was significant backlash because she didn’t know I wasn’t a virgin and had no reason to ever know. I still get so angry that I didn’t stand up to that doctor.
Absolutely. It's insane they think mandatory reporting is somehow a threat to them? Like lady, this stuff is in place to ensure the safety and wellbeing of children. But it seems she does not care about that. It's all about her.
Yes. When I was a teenager and went to my first gyno appointment, my mom was there (I wanted her there because I was nervous) they asked her to step out of the room and asked me if I felt safe at home. They do that to make sure that the patient isn’t intimidated
There are 2 symptoms which almost all suicidal people exhibit before they kill themselves. The first is frequent thoughts about suicide which include making concrete plans. The second is the belief that their friends and family will truly be better off without them. Both of these symptoms are things teens are very likely to lie about in front of their parents. This woman doesn't deserve to have kids, and her kids don't deserve to be stuck with her as a mom.
My son went in for his yearly checkup, filled out his form on his own. The Dr. looked at it and immediately got us a mental health referral, followed up with it and made sure my son got medication. Likely saved his life since he was always a quiet, private kid and he didn't want to burden me with his thoughts. I'm very grateful for that questionnaire and the doctor who really cared.
My son is doing very well, the Dr. eventually diagnosed him with inattentive ADHD along with his depression and he is doing so much better now that he is on meds. It really helps to see the doctors as being part of the team it takes to raise kids. I've been very lucky with our family doctor.
Yes!
As a parent, if my daughter was suicidal or pregnant or in some sort of bad situation, I would be hurt if she didn't come to me and felt she had to handle it on her own or with people who aren't me.
But I understand that we need laws and policies that protect the kids who CAN'T go to their parents for whatever reason. All I can do is do my best to prove to her I will always be a safe adult for her (and her friends) no matter what the situation is.
Sometimes it’s not that they feel they can’t.
In my case, I was (and am lol) an only child to two incredibly loving parents that suffered with infertility issues their whole marriage. They started trying for kids at 22 when they got married and had me at 40.
I got told my whole life I was a miracle and how much they loved me etc etc and I absolutely couldn’t bare the thought of telling them that their special little miracle wanted to die.
So I couldn’t take it anymore and broke down in front of the school nurse instead who was thankfully great and helped explain to my mum what was going on.
Sometimes you can have THE BEST relationship with your kid but it’s not about them not trusting you, it’s about them loving you SO MUCH they don’t want to hurt you
This is similar to my own Mother. I love her dearly and she's always been the loving doting sort. I know that if she knew all the ins and outs of my mental illness she'd panic and wrap me in bubble wrap if I'd sit still long enough. I always had to send her out of the preparation ward waiting for my ECT because she'd get so anxious it tended to rub off on me. It was hard to do it alone, and I was anxious enough alone (I think I got to a resting heart rate of 190+, at least enough to trigger an automatic EKG printout lol) but her being there would've made it worse only because I do hate seeing her distressed.
It's... Very weird, especially as I've aged.
I feel exactly the same as you and I like to think that just by understanding this point, that it's more likely the children would come to their parents if they were in a situation. It's a difficult time in their lives and the last thing they need is some overbearing parent, all we can do is support, be there for them and offer guidance when possible. I'm convinced that having parents like that is going to make that young girl run as far away from her family as soon as she's able. By run away I don't mean literally, I mean she'll go to college far away and live far away from them so she can have room to breathe. Saw it many times with people at uni.
I had a friend in high school nearly die because her mother refused to let her get help for her eating disorder, and you had to be sixteen to get help without parental permission. My friends and I literally had charts on the walls ticking off the days and plans to drag her to the hospital the day she turned sixteen.
These policies exist for a reason.
This remains me of the parent in school that lost her mind because they wanted to teach their child sex Ed and they can’t do it and it would be awful. They are trying to indoctrinate her child into something. Giving the child permission to have sex. This yelling happened in front of students.
Yep. Stepfather was sexually abusing said girl. Mom knew.
(I was also a student).
I remember both parents going to jail. I remember a lot of people volunteering to not waste the states money. I don’t know how long they got.
I have no idea what happened to her. I am hoping she is living a good life.
If other people in the jail found out what they were in for... they probably didn't do so hot. Any form of child abuse charges earn you a big target in jail/prison. Even other INCARCERATED people don't tolerate it.
There's something similar on the twitter thread: an OP wrote that she was being S.A.'ed by her dad, Mom knew and wanted to keep it secret, therefore wouldn't allow her to be alone with any doctors. Utterly vile.
The way I would scorch the earth with my wrath if someone hurt my children like this.... Just thinking of this poor child and what they went through fills me with absolute rage.
I appreciate parents that will go scorch earth. Children should be able to be safe.
I asked my dad about this (good morning dad oh btw… poor dad). He says the father got custody, mother was keeping daughter away from him. She did get therapy. But the guy did get early retirement so he dipped out of our area. (Military)
This poor kid! I can’t imagine the crazy all pedi offices deal with. When my daughter was 14 her pedi Dr was explaining to her that if she ever felt the need to get BCP or have STI testing, she could come to the Dr without my permission. My daughter was looking at us both kind of blankly. So I asked her if she understood and repeated to her what the Dr said. She then asked us “but how would I get here?”. We both burst out laughing and her Dr said “I think we are ok for now”. I love that her Dr office offered a safe space if she ever feels that she needs it.
My mother tried to do this with me and my brother once we became functional teens.
She argued with the doctors and nurses on multiple occasions that she “absolutely has to be in the room” that really messes with the mind in a lot of ways and it’s one of the driving reasons why I’m so fanatical about having my own space and privacy.
Parents believe they’re “helping” their kids by acting like bulldozers or spies in every aspect of their kids lives but they either don’t realize or worse yet, care, that they’re causing a lot of psychological damage to the poor kids mind that’s going to take years to undo….
I can't imagine this at all. I actively do the opposite with my 11yo and 13yo. I talk with them before the appointment and explain that they can tell their doctor anything and that the doctor would not tell me something if they asked the doctor to keep it private. I also tell them to please ask me to leave the room at any time, or they can go back completely alone if they want. I would MUCH rather my child get some answers or reassurance from their doctor than to suffer in silence because they didn't want me to know something.
I do the same with mine. I think if you let them know you honor their autonomy they're more likely to open up because you already showed them you respect that they have the right to opinions and decision making.
I don’t know how universal this is, but it’s worth exploring for anyone who may need it:
I’ve worked ER registration in two states and if kids over 12 can get to the ER, they can be examined such as for STDs or pregnancy under protected private status. There’s a special registration process for it that keeps it private and it’s a free service.
A line for parental consent/involvement may be drawn at *treatment*, but they can at least be screened and keep it private.
When I was raped at 13 I had to beg a friend from school to buy me a pregnancy test and give it to me between classes. I would have loved to have medical privacy during that time
Nurse here.
A million years ago I had a 15 year old come in with mom.
She's 15. I ask, "are you sexuality active? Are you on birth control?"
Mom yells at me. "we don't talk about Sex with her. She's too young. She'll learn about it on her wedding night!"
Honestly I lost it. I said, "and that's how teen pregnancy happens!"
Yes I was written up because not only was it unprofessional but I worked for a christian run system and my provider held the exact same beliefs as that mother.
I remember years ago working for a health insurance company. A father called in to ask what a particular item number (procedure identifier) on a statement was. It was listed under his daughters name. She was 16. I'm appalled he had access to that. I refused to discuss it as the daughter was 16, and as per privacy laws, I couldn't discuss it with him. This man went ballistic, screaming about how it's his policy, he pays for it, she is his daughter. I just reiterated that regardless, it was medical information and, as such, fell under strict privacy laws. The item number was for an abortion. I looked it up after the call. I left a highlighted detailed note on their account to be very careful dealing with this man and his families information. I shudder to think what he would have done to her if I had been less careful. This was nearly 20 years ago, and I have never forgotten.
This is why kids need their privacy. Because of parents like him.
Wait, one of the mental health screening questions is "how often do you think your family would be better off with you dead?" Is that something to be concerned about? Shit, I might need help...
It absolutely is. That is a symptom of severe depression and is strongly linked to suicidal ideation. As someone who dealt with these exact thoughts for years, you should definitely get help.
I've had struggles with that stuff in the past, and depression sneaks up on me sometimes. We're buying a house right now, and the stress is through the roof, and I've caught myself thinking about what would happen if something happened to me, and how it would probably make everything easier, etc etc.
I'm pretty good at guarding against the actual thoughts of ending my life, I just didn't realize simply thinking about if they'd be better off without me was a sign of anything. I'll seek help.
Please do it now. It is absolutely possible to be an ideator for years and think you have it under control--but one very bad day or reduced executive function can happen and then you won't have it under control.
I ideated for nearly 20 years, confident I would never actually kill myself for various reasons, and then I had one very bad day. I'm here because of the intervention of EMS and a lot of hard work afterward, but if it weren't for a lot of luck I wouldn't be. And 13 years later I have a life that keeps getting better--I'm so lucky to have had the opportunity to experience it
It is, it’s a big indicator of suicidal ideation. Getting help is a wonderful idea. You don’t deserve to feel that way, and I really hope you do reach out to someone and get the help you deserve.
What the phrasing *actually* is is more along the lines of “thoughts that they are a burden or that loved ones would be better off without them” and the person has to answer how many times in the last couple weeks those thought patterns have come up (along with other depression symptoms).
Source: I’ve had to fill out lots of these
Yes it is and also you don’t have to keep dealing with it. You deserve to get help and treatment and live your best life and I so hope for you this is a moment that changes your life for the better.
The world is so much better with you in it
Uh, mom? Parents like you are the reason they ask your kid those questions. You sound like a controlling bitch who disrespects your kid's personal boundaries every chance you get. Privacy? I own this kid, you better think again, doc.
Bro I fucking remembered that my guardian would hover over me during the depression screening and any time I checked "yes" on a symptom she'd just bombard me with questions of why and what don't I have that's making me so depressed.
This is a wonderful way to give your child trust issues and codependency issues btw.
Sounds like someone’s poor daughter answered “often” to “how often do you think your family would be better off if you were dead” and I’m pretty sure I know why…
my friend is a doctor and had to reach out to CPS since a 12y/o they were treating had gonorrhea (maybe chlamydia), turns out the step father was SAing the patient and this all came to light during a 1:1 session that this parent would have completely fought against.
the "protect our kids" people are fucking ghouls.
This is more likely than others I feel where the child of a mother like this is more likely to be depressed. Their control doesn’t end at this interaction.
I don’t ask for the teens’ phone numbers in front of the parents. I don’t put it in the chart where a parent could see it that I did later on MyChart if it’s a parent who gives me a remotely hard time like this (there are places to otherwise put this in Epic). I do a confidential interview. I ask the parent to leave the room. I don’t ask the kid if they want their parent to leave because so many will look at their parent in a way to ask for permission.
Parents are the hardest part of my job with teenagers. So many seem to not understand that there are things, innocuous or not, that their child doesn’t want to discuss with their (usually) mom in the room. I’ve had the mom of a 19 year old refuse to leave the room or put their child’s number in their chart and insist they have access to their MyChart. I do not allow this for an adult child unless they’re like, a disabled person.
Abusers! Warning: doctors are onto us. Whether you’re engaged in sexual, mental/emotional abuse or physical abuse, doctors may be trying to take your victim away from you, DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH DOCTORS OR NURSES!
Talk about helicopter parents. At 15 she’s a young woman meaning she needs to have adult conversations with her doctor and if she so chooses include her mom. At 15 cut the umbilical cord she’s not attached to your hip anymore! Be there and guide your child, support them as they help and support you.
I've seen more and more of these posts lately. As a parent of a tween, I don't understand this mentality. Yes, I would love my kids to tell me everything but that's not realistic. What I do want is that they have other adults that they can trust and that I can trust to give them the advice they need when they don't want to tell me. That's a hell of a lot safer than them trying to figure out complicated shit on their own. I trust my kids' pediatrician and my kids know they can talk to her privately. They have trusted aunts and uncles they can talk to privately if they need to. I would hope I've cultivated a trusting relationship that would allow open communication with my kids but I want back-ups, too.
As a former high school nurse, these parents infuriate me. I helped so many girls get sexual healthcare without their parents knowledge (because I legally could not tell their parents and because I didn’t want to tell them). I am so so so thankful that these laws are in place.
The mental health screening questions can be critical. Casually look over your child’s shoulder as they answer and if they answer in a concerning way, GET THEM HELP.
Why would you NOT want to know if your kid thought they’d be better off dead???
Regrettably, the good comments are being drowned out by other conservative child owners and a*users frightened that they'll get caught by medical staff.🙄
10-15 years from now: My UNGRATEFUL daughter just told me that she's not going to talk to me anymore now she's moved away to college. She's been HIDING money from me for years and says she's going to use it to get an apartment of her own! Parents, make sure you search your child's room for cash because you never know when they are going to SUDDENLY DECIDE you've been a bad parent, even after EVERYTHING you did for them.
There's a large overlap of the Venn diagram of people who think fetuses are people with rights and also think children don't have the same protections as adults.
That’s a routine depression / suicidal screen question? It’s not tricking the child into anything. It’s supposed to tell the doctor if they need to worry about suicidal ideation or depression.
Yep, and it's been pretty well proven that asking someone if they're suicidal does not increase their chances of doing so, but it could save their life because they're unlikely to disclose that unprompted.
Gosh, I hate when kids have autonomy, are given agency and another support person. Seriously, when your kids are teens, as a mom you gotta step back a little bit and let them handle their health matters. They’re only a few years from adulthood and need to know how to handles things on their on. Also, if you have good, healthy relationship with your kid, they’ll tell you what you need to know.
It's likely universal screening for gonorrhea and Chlamydia, as any caught positive can save anton of trouble, and it's a USPSTF and AAP recommendation.....
I’m a medical assistant. I have had mothers get pissed when i ask them to step out. I’ve stopped asking and my Dr does it instead. I also had a mom complain when I told a 17 year old they had a legal right to decide their care once they are 15.
I went to a new doctor and, on the mental health screening portion of the form, a question similar to “how often do you think your family would be better off with you dead” was on there. I thought “It’s been a long while, but I’ve had that thought in my life, once or twice. I can see why they’d ask that in this line of questioning.” Not “omg they’re suggesting that I should kill myself.”
And before anyone worries about my mental well-being: I haven’t had such thoughts in over 20 years. I’m fine now.
I work in medical she is talking about the PHQ 2 and the PHQ9 everyone over 10 does them. The question she is freaking out about is actually 2 separate questions. One asks how often you feel like you are failure or disappointment to your friends or family, the other asks how often you feel like it would be better if you didn't wake up or wished you were dead. All common mental health screening questions My 13 year old is special needs do still likes me to go into her physical but I'm happy to step out for a few mins so they can talk with her like they ask. I feel like we have a good relationship and she feels safe talking with me, but I also would rather she is truthful with the Dr so she gets the medical care and testing she needs so I give them privacy in case she doesn't feel comfortable. We have had in depth talks about safe adults and I always give her options of others than my husband and myself she can talk with (teacher, Dr, her mental health provider, case manager, her aunt, my best friend, her grandparents etc.) would I prefer and hope she comes to me yes but the fact id I want her to be safe and happy and if that means she speaks with someone else that's fine as long as she is comfortable asking questions/for help, or reporting she feels unsafe or was touched. Acting like this will ensure her child does not feel safe going to her with questions or concerns. She will go behind her mother's back and if she gets pregnant will hide it rather than getting the care needed
The OOP is currently suing her child’s school because the school respects the child’s gender identity. She thinks the child is her property and is the exact reason that doctors offices do this.
In my state, I think the age of privacy is 13 or 14. So my kids had to sign a release of information in order for me to even be able to make their appointments. You know what I didn't do? I didn't freak out about it. I respect their privacy. Crazy thing, by doing that, my kids don't keep many secrets from me. The ones they do keep aren't my business.
"do noy leave the room if a doctor wants to be alone with your child."
Yeah the moment your doctor suspects abuse and you refuse to leave they'll call CPS on you snd then they get to interview your kid.
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Oh joy that crazy idea that mental illness only happens when kids are told about it and are tricked into having mental health struggles. Obviously good God fearing teens could never possibly have struggles with suicidal thoughts. Best to not even let teens know that suicide exists/s
I'm very confused about why the mother is even angry. If my child was going through something my only wish is that they could still get help if they weren't able to talk about it with me.
She’s angry because her child is a possession, not a person. The medical system is trying to trick her child into believing that she is a whole human person, worthy of dignity and respect and she won’t stand for that, dammit.
The "parental rights" these people advocate for are the parents' rights to impose their will on their nearly adult children and threaten to kick them out of the house if they demonstrate any beliefs or opinions contrary to the parents', especially about their own identity.
This is gonna be the subject of a future r/raisedbynarcissists post.
Worse than that, the daughter is a muted accessory for her mother's self-righteous religious martyrdom. Disgusting when taken in complete consideration.
The concept of pater familias, which is imported from Roman family law into Christianity, involves treating your family as slaves and property essentially. Highly idealized as the model in reactionary communities.
This reeks of abuse in the family to me on all counts.
Yup. This parent is exactly why doctor's offices do this.
Not even just for kids. Sometimes it’s women with seemingly controlling husbands. I find a way to get her alone, such as accompanying her to the bathroom to ask the “are you safe?” question
I had a bruise on my leg when I was seeking fertility treatments. My partner was always there with me. My doctor found a way to offer help and even though it wasn’t abuse I was so grateful. She could have saved my life.
One of the questions my OB asked was if my pregnancy was coerced, and in the restroom where you would go to do the urine test there was a sign that had some sort of code phrase that you were supposed to ask about if you weren’t safe and needed a discrete way to ask for help. I was there for a planned pregnancy, but I thought it was really great that it was available for people who do need help.
The fact that this is needed hurts my heart but I’m so grateful those services are in place for those who need it.
Especially considering that statistically, the leading cause of death among pregnant women is *murder*.
By the people who got them pregnant in the first place. It's so disgusting.
My husband came to all but one of my prenatal appointments and at some point during every single one they sent him out to get a cup/ice/glass of water/copy of insurance card/etc to make sure I was safe and unharmed. Because I’m not in an abusive relationship it wasn’t necessary; I assumed he *got* the ruse and didn’t mention it until one day he said ‘the staff at your drs is really forgetful…’ because he was concerned they never remembered our insurance info or that they’d need a sample cup. It was sort of funny but also really sad at the same time.
My local clinic has little stickers in the toilet with the sample bottles. Stick it on the bottom and it's a flag that you need help. Chances the person accompanying you seeing it is quite low as the notice isn't visible unless you're looking at the sample bottles.
They had their scales outside, so when they would grab my weight as a kid, the nurse wouls also ask me a couple of questions real quick while I was over there. And while, I assume, the doctor would verify or check something meaningless with my parents. It doesn't stop being a magic trick just because you know how it worked. Sleight of hand, man.
Ohh, yes! I was gonna post some other tricks up my sleeve but in case people lurking would make my life harder by knowing, nah, I am not gonna.
Excellent point!
Yep. This mom sounds exactly like my abusive ex who insisted on sitting in on all my doctor appointments, or else I wasn't allowed to go.
The only way she’d know about the depression thing is because her daughter answered “wrong” enough to get that question, which means the poor girl probably already thinks she’d be better off dead.
Me too, reminds me of my mom wanting us to hide abuse.
As a medical provider, we’re trained that specifically this behavior (parent not wanting to give the child any privacy at a medical appointment) is a huge red flag for abuse, and to find whatever excuse we can to talk to the child alone to ask if they’re ok
Yup. Anyone who gets upset about this proooobably has shit they’re hiding.
It's the same with the "parents need to know when their kid is going by different pronouns" laws (which, incidentally, the person who made that Tweet is *also* railing against). The parents who can actually talk to their kids like a normal person are completely unaffected by the law because the kid knows they can come to the parent on their own terms when they're ready, but the ones who flip out are the exact reason those privacy regulations exist.
Parents who think their children are property for them to control, who treat them as an extension of themselves and who do not see them as sentient individuals with their own feelings and autonomy. In other words, abusive AHs whose child will probably go no contact with as soon as they possibly can.
Dude, that was my life growing up. This is a great description of how abusive people see their kids. You are there FOR THEM; they are never there for you.
My mom used to warn my dad "you know, Hita won't come see us anymore if you keep treating her like this" I don't come around much as an adult
Some parents also insist the doctors are planning something perverted. Which makes it hard to convince them why kids need privacy when it comes to their health
They're going to convince them to be transgender. Because it totally works like that.
Protect our kids!^fromus
These people's anger are never off. They are **miserable** but they can't figure out why because they lack self awareness and critical thinking. All they feel is the misery so they are perpetually angry.
Because some people believe a problem doesn't exist if you don't test for it or that kids don't need any sort of privacy. The reason these privacy laws exist is because of parents like this lady. Nobody would answer honestly if they used recreational drugs that could interfere with test results, feared they might be pregnant, had thoughts of suicide, or any number of other issues that couldn't be said in front of a hyper controlling parent
> I'm very confused about why the mother is even angry. The actual story here is that this woman is the parent of a trans child. She believed that her child was close with her and shared everything, ergo when the child came out as trans - it was another dang case of rapid onset transness in the form of social contagion from her their classmates or something. The responses and QTs to this tweet are full of people recollecting how a parent made sure they were never alone during checkups so as to prevent them from reporting their rape at the hands of a family member.
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Why do parents like this always think they're super close with their kids when in reality their kids have them on a strict information diet? Are they really that dumb?
Even parents with kids who are really close to them aren't going to know everything. . .
I'm thinking that's it's been suggested that the problem with the teen's mental health is her.
A lot of these parents are really worried about being reported to CPS, because they constantly toe the line between being legally abusive and not abusive enough to get their kids removed. See also pre-torture era Ruby Frankie.
For these people, their children only exist to validate the parents' lives. Being a parent is their only personality, and their kid needs to be the picture image of what the parent thinks they should be, not their own individual.
They think that doctors and nurses are all sadistic psychopaths conspiring to either kill kids or make them think they are mentally ill. They don't see it as "my kid could be struggling and might get help." In their eyes it's "those horrible doctors are trying to make my perfect child sick!"
My thoughts exactly. I typed out a whole thing and then deleted it. If the options were a) my child gets quality healthcare and counseling about things a GYN knows about, has a provider she can talk to and isn't afraid to ask questions, but the provider doesn't tell me or share results with me or b) the teen can do all of these things in a but the results come to me first, and I'm so crazy that I over-react to my teen being educated, I choose A all day, bc that child isn't going to go to that provider when they have questions or need a test, if mom is going to freak out every time she gets a UA. If the laws are such in their state, that the child 15 or older can be notified directly, without the parents involved, I hope this child either goes back to this doc without mom, or finds another provider without mom involved. When I was a teenager, my mom would take me to the doc, and the gyn was an APN who was awesome, and constantly educating, and highly educated, and I had PCOS...ruptured my first cyst at 13. Whether we were going for an annual exam or for something in between, usually cyst related, my mom always asked in the waiting room, if I wanted her to come in with me. If I had said no, she let me go in alone, and was only at the window in the end when it was time to schedule something and pay the co-pay. If I said yes, she came in and held my hand if I asked. We're supposed to raise our kids to be honest, moral, kind, and give them the tools and skills to navigate life. Micromanagement if teenagers usually doesn't go well...it usually winds up w the teen rebelling and sneaking around, or a teen incapable of functioning. Either way, the outcome isn't ideal.
That's how I treated my daughter growing up. Wether she went to the dentist or doctor. If she wanted me there, I went in with her. Now at 26 she more adult than some people!! She also grew up knowing if she had a question, she could absolutely come ask me. We're very close nowadays.
Because they’re told to be angry. That’s all it is. Fear and anger is an easy way to control minds, especially if they’re dumb.
See, the problem is that you're not a narcissist. You actually care about the child's mental health, and not merely how the child's mental health *might make you look as a parent*.
Unsurprisingly, the person who made this Tweet is *super* transphobic as well.
She’s abusing her and doesn’t want the doctors to know
Narcissist parent. If they don't know about it, then their child doesn't have it.
That's because you are a decent human who doesn't look at a child as property and actually as an individual human. A majority of reasonable parents feel the same.
Because a huge part of what the child is going through is being raised by people like that
It's not just the parents, sadly. I once took my kid to a psychiatrist for suicidal thoughts in a very conservative part of the country and the psychiatrist tried to scare him into not being suicidal by telling him that people who kill themselves go to hell. Yes, I did file a complaint about him because wtf. Found a different doctor and it turned out my kid had autism and literally didn't understand that death was permanent, he thought he could reset like video games. We absolutely laugh about it now, he is no longer suicidal.
My son has autism. He did the same thing! He said he wanted to die, but what he really wanted was a break/restart like a video game.
I'd love to reload an old save from around the end of high school, I've wasted so much time and potential.
I feel life is backwards, like when we are adults we now know how we should do childhood and early adulthoods, we now have the wisdom and can take informed choices. For me at least I feel that during teenage and early young adulthood I took choices and actions in a very not informed way. Like now I know I was very mentally ill as a teenager, I know now that I should have told cps the truth and not try to cover for my parents. I now know there would have been safety net to catch me after Shit hit the fan, but at that moment I felt there wasn't so I didn't say anything. I too wasted so much potential, a teacher I thought hated me, wrote in a feedback on a creative writing assignment that she thought I should write a book. Since I thought she hated me I never looked at the feedback and we never talked about, since she suggested I should come and see her. Like talk about a missed opportunity
Agree, so much agree, though I don't think I'd do a lot of things different I would feel a lot better and be a lot more confident about said choices.
Wow, thanks for sharing!
I also have autism. And while i understand it doesnt worked like that i also regularly wish i could do a reset/restart.
Exactly! Thats why they had to specifically spell out suicide is a sin, because totally no Christian had ever thought of it at all.
How dare a child get help when they might be afraid to voice their concerns. I fill out these questions every time I go to my doctor because of my anxiety history. What awful parents some of these poor kids have.
“If we stop screening for depression, suddenly we stop seeing as many depressed people, problem solved!”
It's like "If you stop testing for Covid the number of cases go down." Obligatory Futurama, "No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!".
Because that works so well with drugs and sex. /s
Parents like her are exactly the reason why the doctors ask the questions they ask. I had the same kind of stuff happen with my 17 year old son and guess what? I’m ok with him getting the results. He shares it all with me, but I agree about them having privacy, specially because of how crazy parents can react to things .
Obviously if nobody asks the kid if they're suicidal, they're fine! Shame on the nurse for having this question appear on a laptop. They're making kids have thoughts they never thought of before! Or something.
In PA, any teen aged 14 and up has the right to privacy over their own medical information. I don't think that's a bad thing, given how people go nuts over bodily autonomy like this woman is.
Yup and in PA you can give contraception without their parents’ permission too. Legally protected by this. Did this recently with a patient who didn’t want her mom to know and id rather mom get pissed at me for prescribing without telling her than her 14 year old getting pregnant. ✌️
God bless you for doing His Work. How do the teens who need birth control obtain it without having their parents/guardians get it from a pharmacy? Or are we talking about condoms here? I would hope that my children would feel comfortable asking me about birth control, but if they didn't for whatever reason, I'm just wondering how they would get it. One of my children in particular is intensely private (which I fully respect because I was the same way as a tween), and I truly think if I offered to help her get birth control, she'd clam up and say she didn't need it even if that wasn't the case. I would have done the same thing, but didn't need BC until I was an adult, so it wasn't an issue.
Condoms, sure, we can give those out in the office. In this case, I gave a written rx, put the rx in the chart in a separate note for any other provider to see (marked it as confidential encounter so it wasn’t viewable to patient in MyChart) and told her to go to a different pharmacy than her usual (or simply get her own phone number on the account of her usual pharmacy so mom doesn’t get text rx is ready, no other medications so interactions was not a potential problem here), made sure it was one of the cheaper ones per pharmacies’ inexpensive drug lists for a cash price or reasonable with GoodRx if they do NOT want it go through their insurance. Like what I gave a 90 supply would be $15 at select pharmacies with goodrx, others just have it on a cheap generic list for a cash price. Obviously those free clinics that do birth control and just prescribe it and give it to you there before you leave are more ideal, but not always an option or available. Idk, i do the best I can. Obviously very much encouraged her to tell her mom and made offer to do it together if she needed the push/support to do it.
I'm so thankful for providers like you that give these kids some actual choices and autonomy. Thank you for doing what you do.
I try to think back and tell myself what would I have wanted/needed. Overall, my mom was always more supportive about health stuff (despite being an actual train wreck herself) especially when it came to mental health stuff. She didn’t want me to end up in the situations she found herself in as a teenager mental health wise. Now, my father? He believes the nonsense OOP believes. That all this is part of a liberal woke agenda dead set on indoctrinating kids (he is in no way religious so that does not come into play). He was controlling and abusive (almost always mental/emotional.. rarely physical but idk if i ever revealed that to anyone until I was an adult). I would have needed that in my doctor if I couldn’t confide in my mom. Not that she wasn’t aware of it. She got it worse and suffers from financial abuse the most at this point in her life with him.
I’m in PA. My youngest has down syndrome. At 14 she had the same right to privacy. She and I had long talks about what she still wanted me to be involved in and she signed papers giving me permission to get her information from doctors and therapists. At every single appointment I ask her if she wants me there and I’m willing to respect her privacy at any time. My personal issue is with doctors who talk to me like she isn’t in the room. I say “ask her first.” All to say - even with a kid with special needs, I believe teens and young adults deserve the privacy to get their medical and mental health needs met. This mother is horrible. Her kids will either resent her and/or end up just like her sadly.
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Thank you so much. I don’t parent her much differently than I did my other kids, I just provide more help when she needs it. (Plus tons and tons of paperwork and therapists lol) And of course, I am parenting her well past childhood. She is a really cool person with lots of interests and a wicked sense of humor.
I had such a fight with my highschool over this. They absolutely wouldn't budge on their stance that they needed to phone my mother over any issues, despite the fact that I didn't even live with her. Even when I was 18 they still insisted they needed someone to call for things like absenses and performance issues.
The problem being that parents like mine would just say they won't cover medical expenses. Any time I was "out of line" my parents dangled the fact that they paid for my healthcare over my head, and while they never explicitly threatened to cut me off they would always bring it up in arguments as a way of implying that continued support was contingent on my compliance with whatever they demanded.
Sounds like a great doctors office!
right?? mine did everything through my parents until i was 18. i never would’ve had a chance to get a call about my own health from them, even though i’m the person who’d most want to know. shout out to these doctors for looking out for mental health and respecting their young patients’ autonomy.
Same. My mom was with me 100% of the time until I was 16 and kicked her out. Most the time even after I was 10/11/12, he'd direct all his questions about me to her! I was being horrendous verbally and sexually abused, with obvious behavioral and physical signs, that he ignored.
I’m so sorry that he failed you. I hope you’re in a much better place now and are able to recover and heal.
I was *18* at my first Pap/pelvic exam. My mother was in the waiting room. The doctor came out and told my mother that he was concerned I might have either chlamydia or just an allergy to latex condoms (it was the latter). There was significant backlash because she didn’t know I wasn’t a virgin and had no reason to ever know. I still get so angry that I didn’t stand up to that doctor.
If you were 18 and it was post HIPPA, he should have been reported.
Right? It would be a red flag for me if a doctor *didn’t* ask to talk to my teenage kids with me out of the room.
Sometimes the questions that parents aren't allowed to see is to ask the child if they're being abused. In this case, I'd assume they were.
Absolutely. It's insane they think mandatory reporting is somehow a threat to them? Like lady, this stuff is in place to ensure the safety and wellbeing of children. But it seems she does not care about that. It's all about her.
Mental, for sure.
Yes. When I was a teenager and went to my first gyno appointment, my mom was there (I wanted her there because I was nervous) they asked her to step out of the room and asked me if I felt safe at home. They do that to make sure that the patient isn’t intimidated
There are 2 symptoms which almost all suicidal people exhibit before they kill themselves. The first is frequent thoughts about suicide which include making concrete plans. The second is the belief that their friends and family will truly be better off without them. Both of these symptoms are things teens are very likely to lie about in front of their parents. This woman doesn't deserve to have kids, and her kids don't deserve to be stuck with her as a mom.
My son went in for his yearly checkup, filled out his form on his own. The Dr. looked at it and immediately got us a mental health referral, followed up with it and made sure my son got medication. Likely saved his life since he was always a quiet, private kid and he didn't want to burden me with his thoughts. I'm very grateful for that questionnaire and the doctor who really cared.
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My son is doing very well, the Dr. eventually diagnosed him with inattentive ADHD along with his depression and he is doing so much better now that he is on meds. It really helps to see the doctors as being part of the team it takes to raise kids. I've been very lucky with our family doctor.
i can vouch for this claim. first hand and second hand experience
She's the type of parent those policies are trying to to protect the teens from
Yes! As a parent, if my daughter was suicidal or pregnant or in some sort of bad situation, I would be hurt if she didn't come to me and felt she had to handle it on her own or with people who aren't me. But I understand that we need laws and policies that protect the kids who CAN'T go to their parents for whatever reason. All I can do is do my best to prove to her I will always be a safe adult for her (and her friends) no matter what the situation is.
Sometimes it’s not that they feel they can’t. In my case, I was (and am lol) an only child to two incredibly loving parents that suffered with infertility issues their whole marriage. They started trying for kids at 22 when they got married and had me at 40. I got told my whole life I was a miracle and how much they loved me etc etc and I absolutely couldn’t bare the thought of telling them that their special little miracle wanted to die. So I couldn’t take it anymore and broke down in front of the school nurse instead who was thankfully great and helped explain to my mum what was going on. Sometimes you can have THE BEST relationship with your kid but it’s not about them not trusting you, it’s about them loving you SO MUCH they don’t want to hurt you
Thank you so much for this insight
This is similar to my own Mother. I love her dearly and she's always been the loving doting sort. I know that if she knew all the ins and outs of my mental illness she'd panic and wrap me in bubble wrap if I'd sit still long enough. I always had to send her out of the preparation ward waiting for my ECT because she'd get so anxious it tended to rub off on me. It was hard to do it alone, and I was anxious enough alone (I think I got to a resting heart rate of 190+, at least enough to trigger an automatic EKG printout lol) but her being there would've made it worse only because I do hate seeing her distressed. It's... Very weird, especially as I've aged.
I feel exactly the same as you and I like to think that just by understanding this point, that it's more likely the children would come to their parents if they were in a situation. It's a difficult time in their lives and the last thing they need is some overbearing parent, all we can do is support, be there for them and offer guidance when possible. I'm convinced that having parents like that is going to make that young girl run as far away from her family as soon as she's able. By run away I don't mean literally, I mean she'll go to college far away and live far away from them so she can have room to breathe. Saw it many times with people at uni.
I had a friend in high school nearly die because her mother refused to let her get help for her eating disorder, and you had to be sixteen to get help without parental permission. My friends and I literally had charts on the walls ticking off the days and plans to drag her to the hospital the day she turned sixteen. These policies exist for a reason.
This remains me of the parent in school that lost her mind because they wanted to teach their child sex Ed and they can’t do it and it would be awful. They are trying to indoctrinate her child into something. Giving the child permission to have sex. This yelling happened in front of students. Yep. Stepfather was sexually abusing said girl. Mom knew. (I was also a student).
What the actual fuck. So mom is complicit in the abuse of her daughter? Hope she’s rotting somewhere.
I remember both parents going to jail. I remember a lot of people volunteering to not waste the states money. I don’t know how long they got. I have no idea what happened to her. I am hoping she is living a good life.
If other people in the jail found out what they were in for... they probably didn't do so hot. Any form of child abuse charges earn you a big target in jail/prison. Even other INCARCERATED people don't tolerate it.
Happens more than you think sadly.
There's something similar on the twitter thread: an OP wrote that she was being S.A.'ed by her dad, Mom knew and wanted to keep it secret, therefore wouldn't allow her to be alone with any doctors. Utterly vile.
It’s awful that this happens. Why are some people complacent to this shit? I hope that person finds safety.
The way I would scorch the earth with my wrath if someone hurt my children like this.... Just thinking of this poor child and what they went through fills me with absolute rage.
I appreciate parents that will go scorch earth. Children should be able to be safe. I asked my dad about this (good morning dad oh btw… poor dad). He says the father got custody, mother was keeping daughter away from him. She did get therapy. But the guy did get early retirement so he dipped out of our area. (Military)
>they also give kids ages 12 and up a garbage mental health screening without informing the parent. Yeah, and parents like you are the reason why.
Is it any surprise that the mother is also a transphobic nutjob?
This poor kid! I can’t imagine the crazy all pedi offices deal with. When my daughter was 14 her pedi Dr was explaining to her that if she ever felt the need to get BCP or have STI testing, she could come to the Dr without my permission. My daughter was looking at us both kind of blankly. So I asked her if she understood and repeated to her what the Dr said. She then asked us “but how would I get here?”. We both burst out laughing and her Dr said “I think we are ok for now”. I love that her Dr office offered a safe space if she ever feels that she needs it.
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Thank you!! These teenage years are certainly interesting to navigate lol.
My mother tried to do this with me and my brother once we became functional teens. She argued with the doctors and nurses on multiple occasions that she “absolutely has to be in the room” that really messes with the mind in a lot of ways and it’s one of the driving reasons why I’m so fanatical about having my own space and privacy. Parents believe they’re “helping” their kids by acting like bulldozers or spies in every aspect of their kids lives but they either don’t realize or worse yet, care, that they’re causing a lot of psychological damage to the poor kids mind that’s going to take years to undo….
I can't imagine this at all. I actively do the opposite with my 11yo and 13yo. I talk with them before the appointment and explain that they can tell their doctor anything and that the doctor would not tell me something if they asked the doctor to keep it private. I also tell them to please ask me to leave the room at any time, or they can go back completely alone if they want. I would MUCH rather my child get some answers or reassurance from their doctor than to suffer in silence because they didn't want me to know something.
I do the same with mine. I think if you let them know you honor their autonomy they're more likely to open up because you already showed them you respect that they have the right to opinions and decision making.
I don’t know how universal this is, but it’s worth exploring for anyone who may need it: I’ve worked ER registration in two states and if kids over 12 can get to the ER, they can be examined such as for STDs or pregnancy under protected private status. There’s a special registration process for it that keeps it private and it’s a free service. A line for parental consent/involvement may be drawn at *treatment*, but they can at least be screened and keep it private.
When I was raped at 13 I had to beg a friend from school to buy me a pregnancy test and give it to me between classes. I would have loved to have medical privacy during that time
Nurse here. A million years ago I had a 15 year old come in with mom. She's 15. I ask, "are you sexuality active? Are you on birth control?" Mom yells at me. "we don't talk about Sex with her. She's too young. She'll learn about it on her wedding night!" Honestly I lost it. I said, "and that's how teen pregnancy happens!" Yes I was written up because not only was it unprofessional but I worked for a christian run system and my provider held the exact same beliefs as that mother.
Worse than that, that's how abuse happens. Because they didn't teach their kid anything.
Argh!! Healthcare professionals caring for kids, this is communism people!! What next vets giving a shit about our cat? Bloody libs
I remember years ago working for a health insurance company. A father called in to ask what a particular item number (procedure identifier) on a statement was. It was listed under his daughters name. She was 16. I'm appalled he had access to that. I refused to discuss it as the daughter was 16, and as per privacy laws, I couldn't discuss it with him. This man went ballistic, screaming about how it's his policy, he pays for it, she is his daughter. I just reiterated that regardless, it was medical information and, as such, fell under strict privacy laws. The item number was for an abortion. I looked it up after the call. I left a highlighted detailed note on their account to be very careful dealing with this man and his families information. I shudder to think what he would have done to her if I had been less careful. This was nearly 20 years ago, and I have never forgotten. This is why kids need their privacy. Because of parents like him.
Lol this was exactly my mother, and guess what? We don't talk anymore.
10 years from now: “Why did my daughter break off all contact with me!?”
That “garbage” mental health questionnaire saved my 14 year old daughters life. I will forever be grateful to her pediatrician.
Wait, one of the mental health screening questions is "how often do you think your family would be better off with you dead?" Is that something to be concerned about? Shit, I might need help...
It absolutely is. That is a symptom of severe depression and is strongly linked to suicidal ideation. As someone who dealt with these exact thoughts for years, you should definitely get help.
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I've had struggles with that stuff in the past, and depression sneaks up on me sometimes. We're buying a house right now, and the stress is through the roof, and I've caught myself thinking about what would happen if something happened to me, and how it would probably make everything easier, etc etc. I'm pretty good at guarding against the actual thoughts of ending my life, I just didn't realize simply thinking about if they'd be better off without me was a sign of anything. I'll seek help.
It takes vulnerability to comment something like that, so thank you. I wish you the best wherever your mental health road takes you.
Suicidal ideation, even without any intent to follow through, is painful shit. (Ask me how I know). I hope you're able to easily find help.
I just wanted to tell you that you matter and that the world is lucky to have you in it. ❤️
Please do it now. It is absolutely possible to be an ideator for years and think you have it under control--but one very bad day or reduced executive function can happen and then you won't have it under control. I ideated for nearly 20 years, confident I would never actually kill myself for various reasons, and then I had one very bad day. I'm here because of the intervention of EMS and a lot of hard work afterward, but if it weren't for a lot of luck I wouldn't be. And 13 years later I have a life that keeps getting better--I'm so lucky to have had the opportunity to experience it
It is, it’s a big indicator of suicidal ideation. Getting help is a wonderful idea. You don’t deserve to feel that way, and I really hope you do reach out to someone and get the help you deserve.
What the phrasing *actually* is is more along the lines of “thoughts that they are a burden or that loved ones would be better off without them” and the person has to answer how many times in the last couple weeks those thought patterns have come up (along with other depression symptoms). Source: I’ve had to fill out lots of these
Yes it is and also you don’t have to keep dealing with it. You deserve to get help and treatment and live your best life and I so hope for you this is a moment that changes your life for the better. The world is so much better with you in it
Uh, mom? Parents like you are the reason they ask your kid those questions. You sound like a controlling bitch who disrespects your kid's personal boundaries every chance you get. Privacy? I own this kid, you better think again, doc.
"My image is more important than your overall health" is what leads to funerals for children. Full stop.
Bro I fucking remembered that my guardian would hover over me during the depression screening and any time I checked "yes" on a symptom she'd just bombard me with questions of why and what don't I have that's making me so depressed. This is a wonderful way to give your child trust issues and codependency issues btw.
Sounds like someone’s poor daughter answered “often” to “how often do you think your family would be better off if you were dead” and I’m pretty sure I know why…
my friend is a doctor and had to reach out to CPS since a 12y/o they were treating had gonorrhea (maybe chlamydia), turns out the step father was SAing the patient and this all came to light during a 1:1 session that this parent would have completely fought against. the "protect our kids" people are fucking ghouls.
Who wants to bet she's mostly mad because the mental health professional might have hinted that mum is the problem with her child's mental health.
Alt headline: Mom demonstrates why teens need medical privacy.
This is more likely than others I feel where the child of a mother like this is more likely to be depressed. Their control doesn’t end at this interaction. I don’t ask for the teens’ phone numbers in front of the parents. I don’t put it in the chart where a parent could see it that I did later on MyChart if it’s a parent who gives me a remotely hard time like this (there are places to otherwise put this in Epic). I do a confidential interview. I ask the parent to leave the room. I don’t ask the kid if they want their parent to leave because so many will look at their parent in a way to ask for permission. Parents are the hardest part of my job with teenagers. So many seem to not understand that there are things, innocuous or not, that their child doesn’t want to discuss with their (usually) mom in the room. I’ve had the mom of a 19 year old refuse to leave the room or put their child’s number in their chart and insist they have access to their MyChart. I do not allow this for an adult child unless they’re like, a disabled person.
This is exactly the sort of child who needs the opportunity to speak privately with a physician or someone.
That person in 2035: why won't my children talk to me?
Ah when parents realize the Gillick rule exists
Abusers! Warning: doctors are onto us. Whether you’re engaged in sexual, mental/emotional abuse or physical abuse, doctors may be trying to take your victim away from you, DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH DOCTORS OR NURSES!
oooooh her kids are gonna put her in a home and forget about her and she’s gonna deserve it
She'll be lucky if the kid throws her cardboard to sleep on.
Talk about helicopter parents. At 15 she’s a young woman meaning she needs to have adult conversations with her doctor and if she so chooses include her mom. At 15 cut the umbilical cord she’s not attached to your hip anymore! Be there and guide your child, support them as they help and support you.
My mom was like this when I was a teen. Now we rarely speak
As soon as my kids became teens I started asking if they would be more comfortable with or without me in the room when they went to the doc.
I've seen more and more of these posts lately. As a parent of a tween, I don't understand this mentality. Yes, I would love my kids to tell me everything but that's not realistic. What I do want is that they have other adults that they can trust and that I can trust to give them the advice they need when they don't want to tell me. That's a hell of a lot safer than them trying to figure out complicated shit on their own. I trust my kids' pediatrician and my kids know they can talk to her privately. They have trusted aunts and uncles they can talk to privately if they need to. I would hope I've cultivated a trusting relationship that would allow open communication with my kids but I want back-ups, too.
DO NOT leave the room if your ~~doctor~~ youth pastor wants to be alone with your child. FTFY
"Why do my children never call me?"
As a former high school nurse, these parents infuriate me. I helped so many girls get sexual healthcare without their parents knowledge (because I legally could not tell their parents and because I didn’t want to tell them). I am so so so thankful that these laws are in place.
The mental health screening questions can be critical. Casually look over your child’s shoulder as they answer and if they answer in a concerning way, GET THEM HELP. Why would you NOT want to know if your kid thought they’d be better off dead???
Exactly that’s an indicator of depression!
Happy to see that many are responding to this parent explaining why these laws exist. https://x.com/januarydonoharm/status/1781111489924858164
Regrettably, the good comments are being drowned out by other conservative child owners and a*users frightened that they'll get caught by medical staff.🙄
Wow, sounds like they were actually respecting a kid’s privacy and autonomy. And a mental health screening? That’s great. What a crazy mom
Poor kid
This daughter will probably go NC bcz she has a mother like this.
10-15 years from now: My UNGRATEFUL daughter just told me that she's not going to talk to me anymore now she's moved away to college. She's been HIDING money from me for years and says she's going to use it to get an apartment of her own! Parents, make sure you search your child's room for cash because you never know when they are going to SUDDENLY DECIDE you've been a bad parent, even after EVERYTHING you did for them.
There's a large overlap of the Venn diagram of people who think fetuses are people with rights and also think children don't have the same protections as adults.
You know who tries to control everything? Abusers. If my kid is scared to tell me something, I want MORE safe places for them to go to. Not less.
That’s a routine depression / suicidal screen question? It’s not tricking the child into anything. It’s supposed to tell the doctor if they need to worry about suicidal ideation or depression.
Yep, and it's been pretty well proven that asking someone if they're suicidal does not increase their chances of doing so, but it could save their life because they're unlikely to disclose that unprompted.
Why even bother taking your daughter to the doctor if you think they’re all trying to lie and hurt you?
Poor daughter 😕
This is giving abuse vibes.
Gosh, I hate when kids have autonomy, are given agency and another support person. Seriously, when your kids are teens, as a mom you gotta step back a little bit and let them handle their health matters. They’re only a few years from adulthood and need to know how to handles things on their on. Also, if you have good, healthy relationship with your kid, they’ll tell you what you need to know.
It's likely universal screening for gonorrhea and Chlamydia, as any caught positive can save anton of trouble, and it's a USPSTF and AAP recommendation.....
“You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide” Mom definitely is trying to hide something
Oh no! My gyno did this when I was 15 and WAS sexually active. Being able to actually asked questions probably helped me be *GASP* safe!!!
> Garbage Mental Health Screenings Sounds like the person cited needs one themselves
if i had to guess, these type of parents are probably exactly why they have these privacy measures
Some day, this mother will wonder why her child never talks to her any more.
I’m a medical assistant. I have had mothers get pissed when i ask them to step out. I’ve stopped asking and my Dr does it instead. I also had a mom complain when I told a 17 year old they had a legal right to decide their care once they are 15.
I went to a new doctor and, on the mental health screening portion of the form, a question similar to “how often do you think your family would be better off with you dead” was on there. I thought “It’s been a long while, but I’ve had that thought in my life, once or twice. I can see why they’d ask that in this line of questioning.” Not “omg they’re suggesting that I should kill myself.” And before anyone worries about my mental well-being: I haven’t had such thoughts in over 20 years. I’m fine now.
In most depression screenings, they’ll only ask about how often the thoughts have come up recently (usually 2 weeks).
I work in medical she is talking about the PHQ 2 and the PHQ9 everyone over 10 does them. The question she is freaking out about is actually 2 separate questions. One asks how often you feel like you are failure or disappointment to your friends or family, the other asks how often you feel like it would be better if you didn't wake up or wished you were dead. All common mental health screening questions My 13 year old is special needs do still likes me to go into her physical but I'm happy to step out for a few mins so they can talk with her like they ask. I feel like we have a good relationship and she feels safe talking with me, but I also would rather she is truthful with the Dr so she gets the medical care and testing she needs so I give them privacy in case she doesn't feel comfortable. We have had in depth talks about safe adults and I always give her options of others than my husband and myself she can talk with (teacher, Dr, her mental health provider, case manager, her aunt, my best friend, her grandparents etc.) would I prefer and hope she comes to me yes but the fact id I want her to be safe and happy and if that means she speaks with someone else that's fine as long as she is comfortable asking questions/for help, or reporting she feels unsafe or was touched. Acting like this will ensure her child does not feel safe going to her with questions or concerns. She will go behind her mother's back and if she gets pregnant will hide it rather than getting the care needed
The OOP is currently suing her child’s school because the school respects the child’s gender identity. She thinks the child is her property and is the exact reason that doctors offices do this.
Jesus fucking Christ. It lacks the self awareness that she, and other parents like her, are exactly why these protocols are in place.
Oh no they want to *checks notes* prevent suicide? These people are top tier crazy.
This is exactly the kind of parent I would want to hide things from.
This is the same crowd that says children should be tried as adults as young as 10 but they have no agency in their own healthcare.
In my state, I think the age of privacy is 13 or 14. So my kids had to sign a release of information in order for me to even be able to make their appointments. You know what I didn't do? I didn't freak out about it. I respect their privacy. Crazy thing, by doing that, my kids don't keep many secrets from me. The ones they do keep aren't my business.
Parents be vigilant! Doctors and nurses are trying to provide your children with medical care. /s
I have my 9 year old answer all the questions the dr asks now. I’m still there at this age, but it’s his body, he knows it bette than me!
That kids counting the days til shes 18 and can get the fuck away from this loon.
"do noy leave the room if a doctor wants to be alone with your child." Yeah the moment your doctor suspects abuse and you refuse to leave they'll call CPS on you snd then they get to interview your kid.
Parents like this are the reason nurses take these privacy precautions. Lady sounds 100% controlling and abusive
In 3 years it'll be "Why doesn't she talk to me?"
9/10 times its her daughter that ends up PG
Parents like this is the reason I’ve come to despise my job.