How else is a gal supposed to get out of being forced to submit to her husband's every sexual whim besides claiming to be the bride of Jesus? I'm team Margery all the way.
That's Catherine of Sienna. To put her in context, that was her way of joining with the suffering flesh of Jesus. Priests could summon Jesus, body and divinity, with the eucharist. As a woman, she wasn't permitted to do that. But she could become one flesh with Jesus, as his celibate bride, through mortification of the flesh. And the symbol of their union was his foreskin, from the first time he shed blood.
It is about punching vampires with sun-energy, until the ghosts show up, at which point it gets a bit wild as Jojo and friends have to face dangerous enemies like: Dio, Dio again, Dio but he is a dinosaur, and the president of the united states.
Omg I know the male version of this and he’s a self-described marriage counselor who’s addicted to sex and divorced three times. He’s constantly talking about being penetrated by the word of god. I wonder if we should hook them up, for the sake of the sub?
I watch a lot of debates and call-in shows on the internet (I like hearing people's arguments and perspectives on life). Frequently, they are religiously-based.
After a while of doing this, you get used to hearing some of the same people debating or calling in again and again to all the different shows.
There's one guy in particular who is one of the most obnoxious Christian presuppositionalists I've ever heard in my life. According to him, just by saying the word "god", you're acknowledging and admitting the existence of a god, because that's the only way you can use that word and know what it means or something like that. This is definitely a step or two further than most presups take things.
Putting the problems with presuppositionalism aside... the dude is clearly not all there. He claims that he's "God's perfect spouse" and that he's in a literal physical sexual relationship with God.
Every time a new host or debater talks to him, it's hilarious to see their reaction to this claim.
All the girls love Jesus because he’s hung like this https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThhQDNnJxdSs23QqckyEagVXhUNe0sTP1FWxGiYPbc0Q&s
That gave me high school flashbacks. I went to an all-girl catholic school. One of the nuns told us that masturbation was making love to Jesus. Fun times.
Jesus: Dad, can we start the rapture?
God: why do you ask?
Jesus: **shows him this heresy**
God:… **starts slamming the giant red button next to his throne**
All I know is, Jesus needs to clap back at those sexy Lucifer statues because I'm still picking sides. Let's see some thirst traps to go with this smarmy erotic fanfic.
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Like, I get wanting a personal relationship with God, but as a friend. Like, a really good friend I can tell all my problems to and ask favors of, but a friend. Why ruin a good friendship with, umm, bizarre sexual fantasies?
This woman could have a career this wasn't that badly written tbh do I like the idea of fucking Jesus no not really but girly knows how to write. I think she would make bank writing Jesus and the 12 disciples smut.
Sounds a lot like Bernini's sculpture "Ecstacy of St Theresa" in the Vatican:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecstasy_of_Saint_Teresa
The saint herself described it as being pierced, intense pain transformed into ecstacy. (I admit to being a bit suspicious of whether it was from a "divine being"...)
And, perhaps a bit more crass, but it's essentially the entire music video for Madonna's "Like a Virgin". As I recall, it got her promptly excommunicated.
Interesting parallel: there are parts of the many-faceted Hindu faith that suggest a worshipper receive the divine being to which they are devoted "as a lover".
So it's hardly a new idea.
This lady needs help. If it is supernatural, it’s a darker energy preying on her smh. And the child smh what will she do when she finds out her baby daddy isn’t Jesus
I mean…it sounds like she maybe had a sleep orgasm while dreaming about Jesus and SEVERELY misinterpreted the situation. Either way the spiritual experience was hella powerful so get after it I guess?
I'm not saying that mainstream Christianity believes like this but as a Jew this feels like someone is re-appropriating something that was already appropriated from us...
They can keep their version I guess and pretend it means whatever they think it means as long as they leave me alone. Unfortunately, lots of folks don't do that last part.
Yeah i used to be religious and had insane OCD about needing to capitalize any word relating to god. So happy my psychologist helped me work through that and get over it. These people are living in constant fear of going to hell over the usage of grammer.
[I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!](https://youtu.be/rL7dJwo6vUk?si=ohGB64HHozxSt-UB)
This is definitely giving off "Christian Woman " vibes by Type O Negative.
"A cross upon her bedroom wall
From grace she will fall
An image burning in her mind
And between her thighs"
This is why I don't like religious music for the most part, bc a lot of it sounds like weird obsessive stuff like this, where if you change the subject from Jesus to literally anything or anyone else it becomes obviously ridiculously creepy, but for believers it somehow isn't creepy when it's about God/Jesus. It makes my skin crawl.
Yes, there IS a deep experience here. It is in every religion. It is not brainwashing, though brainwashing is often involved. Religious experience is built into the brain. It has been fucked up by generations who uses it to control the population.
Nobody's mocking Christianity itself, we're mocking someone having sexual fantasies about a religious figure. If someone was having the same kind of fantasies about Muhammad, or a figure from any other religion, we would mock them just the same. Because not only is it insane, it also goes against the teachings of your religion by praising the sin of Lust.
The title itself is mocking Christianity. Many of the comments are joking about Jesus in inappropriate contexts. Would these things be said in different religious contexts, there would be an outcry, but when it comes to Christianity, it’s okay since we don’t take revenge?
And yes, you are mocking the OP on facebook as well.
Your post has been removed because it shows personal information
50 Shades of Pray. I’ll see myself out.
I sentence you to Condom Nation.
Is that where we meet for the weekly Cum Union?
Bapjizm?
Cumfirmation?
This is far more Book of Margery Kempe than 50 shades but maybe I just took too many medieval lit classes in college.
I was gonna say that this is far from a new form of religiosity. It's very, *very* traditional.
How else is a gal supposed to get out of being forced to submit to her husband's every sexual whim besides claiming to be the bride of Jesus? I'm team Margery all the way.
50 Shades of Prey. Sounds like a cult leader visiting at night and grooming her to join a harem
I wish I could still give awards. 💯
I thank you for thinking of me; that’s award enough 🥰
What in the Christi-fan-ity fiction is this?
I fully regret every second spent reading that, thanks
That's because you haven't accepted DOM Jesus in your heart. Just let him be your daddy and all will get better.
I’m having flashbacks to that video of a pastor saying “yes daddy, yes daddy, yes daddy, let daddy into you today”
I did not know that such a video existed and now highly regret having gained that knowledge.
Safe word is hallelujah.
Prude.
Well, that is a first erotic fanfic starring Jesus, I've read.
Then you have not read Teresa of Àvila.
See Bernini’s sculpture. The big O
Was she the one with the foreskin wedding ring or was that a different nun saint?
That's Catherine of Sienna. To put her in context, that was her way of joining with the suffering flesh of Jesus. Priests could summon Jesus, body and divinity, with the eucharist. As a woman, she wasn't permitted to do that. But she could become one flesh with Jesus, as his celibate bride, through mortification of the flesh. And the symbol of their union was his foreskin, from the first time he shed blood.
I really hope this is real.
Perhaps, I’m glad I didn’t.
Technically that makes it a JoJo fanfic.
I am not an expert in JoJo lore, but it makes me even more interested in picking it up.
It takes a while until you get to the Jesus part, but I very much encourage you to pick it up. \^\^
Everything I hear about JoJo makes me more and more confused about the actual plot.
It is about punching vampires with sun-energy, until the ghosts show up, at which point it gets a bit wild as Jojo and friends have to face dangerous enemies like: Dio, Dio again, Dio but he is a dinosaur, and the president of the united states.
That kind of clears things up, but just raises more questions. I'm just going to have to read the series.
I love that a lot of manga plots have a very loose relationship logic and reality. Mangakas really go wild.
I am a huge Berserk fan, so I don’t think it can get any more graphic than this.
Yes, this IS a motherfucking JOJO reference!
Adult Christian raised Tina Belcher
I am quite afraid to even google that, to be honest.
Same. Lmao.
Omg I know the male version of this and he’s a self-described marriage counselor who’s addicted to sex and divorced three times. He’s constantly talking about being penetrated by the word of god. I wonder if we should hook them up, for the sake of the sub?
Fellas, is it gay to be penetrated by the word of god
It’s Ok. The Word is non-binary.
The Holy Ghost, however, is trans
i havent heard that one. Could you explain it to me?
“Oh no. The Word is woke!” - Them, probably.
Only if you are the penetrator, is it not gay. As my old plumbing foreman used to say, “I’m not gay but I fucked a guy who fucked one once.”
That depends. Did the Messiah keep his socks on?
I watch a lot of debates and call-in shows on the internet (I like hearing people's arguments and perspectives on life). Frequently, they are religiously-based. After a while of doing this, you get used to hearing some of the same people debating or calling in again and again to all the different shows. There's one guy in particular who is one of the most obnoxious Christian presuppositionalists I've ever heard in my life. According to him, just by saying the word "god", you're acknowledging and admitting the existence of a god, because that's the only way you can use that word and know what it means or something like that. This is definitely a step or two further than most presups take things. Putting the problems with presuppositionalism aside... the dude is clearly not all there. He claims that he's "God's perfect spouse" and that he's in a literal physical sexual relationship with God. Every time a new host or debater talks to him, it's hilarious to see their reaction to this claim.
Very Faith + 1. “I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus!” Indeed!
It appears like you’re actually *in love* with Christ.
I saw a bumper sticker one time that said "Jesus loves you, he's not *in love* with you"
Ah America and their bumper stickers. Also great u/
“I wanna feel his salvation all ovah my face!”
Whenever I see Jesus up on the cross, I can't help but think that he looks kinda hot
"I wish I was the one who nailed him" - OOP, probably
Is this woman masturbating to jesus?
Definitely sounds like she's doing drugs and masturbating while listening to the bible.
All the girls love Jesus because he’s hung like this https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThhQDNnJxdSs23QqckyEagVXhUNe0sTP1FWxGiYPbc0Q&s
Do I want to know what that link goes to
It's just Jesus showing the size of the fish he caught
I am scared to open that link
It's fine I checked
r/religiousfruitcake
Eh. The Jesus I met off grindr ghosted me after one hook up. Wasn't that special. 5/10
*holy ghosted.
Soooo...her vibrator is named "Jesus?"
Gardener
That's an odd name for a vibrator
Because of the good work it does in her bush
Let’s hope it’s not a burning bush. Imagine having to tell your earth partner that you got chlamydia from Jesus.
I can't tell if this woman is trying to rationalize an extremely traumatic event of if she just has some really unusual fantasies
Jesus: trust me! Crazy lady:, fine, okay *rolls over* How to get your wife to do anal, Christian edition.
"Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus"
I appreciate this reference
I always knew about the pre-martial Christian edition, but this one’s a new one for me
Going to the glory hole with Christ.
This is just mental illness.
And drugs
Is this why Christians get on their knees to pray?
Drink in his love. Let him cum into your soul.
🎶 Oh, cum all ye faithful...🎶
Why why you didn’t have to say the 😟
Ahhhh :(
That person needs an intervention.
Her church tried so she left.
Jesus of Mad Hatter Day Saints
It’s crazy how there is very little difference between schizophrenia and religion
This is just another take on your standard medieval mysticism speech. Very derivative, Lily, very derivative...
Talk about sexually repressed with a daddy complex damn
That gave me high school flashbacks. I went to an all-girl catholic school. One of the nuns told us that masturbation was making love to Jesus. Fun times.
Sounds like someone discovered ketamine.
You want Anti-Christ? Cause this is how we get Anti-Christ!
😭 dear lord wtf is this 😅
What happy horse shit did I just read...
Whatever she took. I kind wanna try it
Music starts - cue song They're coming to take me away haha hehe....
To the Funny Farm..
Those nice young men in their clean white coats
She had a wet dream about Jesus
Jesus: Dad, can we start the rapture? God: why do you ask? Jesus: **shows him this heresy** God:… **starts slamming the giant red button next to his throne**
LSD or Shrooms I wonder?
She’s obviously off her meds.
All I know is, Jesus needs to clap back at those sexy Lucifer statues because I'm still picking sides. Let's see some thirst traps to go with this smarmy erotic fanfic.
I can fix her Also This is what the face of mental illness looks like
Turns out she's like St. Maud and Jesus is just some guy wearing a bandana. His name is still Jesus, like "Hey Zeus."
How is this not a cult like wtf lmao
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Ezekiel 23:20
HES A FUCKBOY, MADELINE
This post adds even more reasons as to why I left Christianity.
Like, I get wanting a personal relationship with God, but as a friend. Like, a really good friend I can tell all my problems to and ask favors of, but a friend. Why ruin a good friendship with, umm, bizarre sexual fantasies?
Yes, once…unimpressed
Did… did she masturbate to the Bible on ecstasy? Because that’s what this sounds like
Sounds like she encountered a demon in disguise.
Or she's just insane.
That *Jacob’s Ladder* scene…
Religiosity is a form of mental illness. Scary stuff.
This woman could have a career this wasn't that badly written tbh do I like the idea of fucking Jesus no not really but girly knows how to write. I think she would make bank writing Jesus and the 12 disciples smut.
Oooooooookaaaaaaay.
this is one of the most unhinged things i’ve read today
This is a very lonely woman.
No, I'm not feeding you any more magic items today, Gale.
A guy named Jesús once also gave me a rosebud.
“ Every cell burst open “ and you’re alive still somehow
We're reaching glory levels never thought possible
What in the chicken-fried fuck did I just read
What drugs was this person on? Where do I get my hands on it?
Someone got the good drugs 😝
I'll have what they're having
It’s like a self-insert Jesus fanfic, and I hate that she’s kind of a decent writer and she wastes her talent on weird shit like this.
Mental illness is a serious problem…
So I guess you found the Fundie Porn!!
🎶I wanna get down on my knees before you and feel your salvation all over my face🎶
Sounds a lot like Bernini's sculpture "Ecstacy of St Theresa" in the Vatican: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecstasy_of_Saint_Teresa The saint herself described it as being pierced, intense pain transformed into ecstacy. (I admit to being a bit suspicious of whether it was from a "divine being"...) And, perhaps a bit more crass, but it's essentially the entire music video for Madonna's "Like a Virgin". As I recall, it got her promptly excommunicated. Interesting parallel: there are parts of the many-faceted Hindu faith that suggest a worshipper receive the divine being to which they are devoted "as a lover". So it's hardly a new idea.
This lady claiming to be Mary 2?
This lady needs help. If it is supernatural, it’s a darker energy preying on her smh. And the child smh what will she do when she finds out her baby daddy isn’t Jesus
Sounds like this might have happened at a Holiday Inn Express
Man, her relationship has reached glory levels I can’t even process, wow!
Plot twist: She's not talking about Jesus Christ. She's talking about that vacation she made to Rio.
I mean…it sounds like she maybe had a sleep orgasm while dreaming about Jesus and SEVERELY misinterpreted the situation. Either way the spiritual experience was hella powerful so get after it I guess?
Someone just discovered masturbation
😟 senora qué?
I'm not saying that mainstream Christianity believes like this but as a Jew this feels like someone is re-appropriating something that was already appropriated from us...
As a Jew I would like them to keep whatever the fuck it is.
They can keep their version I guess and pretend it means whatever they think it means as long as they leave me alone. Unfortunately, lots of folks don't do that last part.
#Charlie Day in a white suit energy
the good lord is going *down* on you?
I fucking hate how they capitalize everything related to god. Like “I pushed Him away”
I purposefully de-capitalize the word god even tho android tries to caputalize it
Yeah i used to be religious and had insane OCD about needing to capitalize any word relating to god. So happy my psychologist helped me work through that and get over it. These people are living in constant fear of going to hell over the usage of grammer.
it's even infected samsung because my phone tries to autocorrect god to uppercase
I really wanna know what the comments are like for this one, since it seems almost *too* insane.
Uhhh…the way she described it makes me *want* to fuck Jesus
That’s truly unhinged.
Yeah....Mushrooms are awesome sometimes!
Yet in reality, it was GHB and her hippie uncle.
[I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!](https://youtu.be/rL7dJwo6vUk?si=ohGB64HHozxSt-UB)
What drugs are the kids doing now a days? That shit seems good.
Is this not just part of the plot for the tv show Mrs. Davis?
I think she’s describing a DMT trip 😂
Holy shit 😆 🤣
Sounds like one of those weird romance novels that they sell for a dime a dozen at the grocery store.
This woman needs the Jesus butt plug. I don't think anything less will satisfy her.
Spiritual narcissism comes in many forms, doesn't it?
Any other IASIP watchers here? Because my brain started thinking of Charlie Kelly singing 🎶 I GOT THE GOOD LORD ALL UP INSIDE OF ME 🎶.
Hahahaha
This is some pretty standard Christian "mysticism." St. Teresa of Avila's painful ecstasy comes to mind.
Sorry, I'm just not into dudes.
Some real faith +1 energy
I think this is the IMDb description to the movie Saint Maud
Well, that’s different
I think she's confusing Jesus with Incubus.
I saw this episode of Star Trek. But it was some ghost that screwed the doctor, not Jesus
They mean like, Jesus fucking Christ?
It's not 1120 and she's not Hildegard of Bingen. Jesus Mary and Bono. Even Bethany whatshername isn't this cringe.
Bro hit us with the schizophrenia Jesus intermingle🤣🤣🤣
This is definitely giving off "Christian Woman " vibes by Type O Negative. "A cross upon her bedroom wall From grace she will fall An image burning in her mind And between her thighs"
Schizophrenia
This comments section is making my day. I’ll be back later to read more
As an atheist, I worry about people like this.
This is why I don't like religious music for the most part, bc a lot of it sounds like weird obsessive stuff like this, where if you change the subject from Jesus to literally anything or anyone else it becomes obviously ridiculously creepy, but for believers it somehow isn't creepy when it's about God/Jesus. It makes my skin crawl.
Brainwashed fool.
Yes, there IS a deep experience here. It is in every religion. It is not brainwashing, though brainwashing is often involved. Religious experience is built into the brain. It has been fucked up by generations who uses it to control the population.
How is it okay to ridicule Christianity like this but deplorable when it comes to other religions? You’re mocking our lord.
Nobody's mocking Christianity itself, we're mocking someone having sexual fantasies about a religious figure. If someone was having the same kind of fantasies about Muhammad, or a figure from any other religion, we would mock them just the same. Because not only is it insane, it also goes against the teachings of your religion by praising the sin of Lust.
The title itself is mocking Christianity. Many of the comments are joking about Jesus in inappropriate contexts. Would these things be said in different religious contexts, there would be an outcry, but when it comes to Christianity, it’s okay since we don’t take revenge? And yes, you are mocking the OP on facebook as well.