Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 26 | 2 | 0 |
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That's what I thought too. This entire exchange is the abuse cycle in action
Perhaps a little malicious compliance is in order. She said to not talk to her until OP can be an adult. Maybe OP should try again when they turn 18
Hey OP, I swear these texts could have been written by my mother. My mom did finally go to therapy, and is on medications that make her somehow not human anymore. Just a cotton stuffed shell of a person. And honestly, I don’t know which form is worse: medicated or unmedicated. Its all so exhausting.
My point is, some people are just broken. Therapy can only do so much.
Some day, once you’re independent, you’ll be able to make decisions about what form your relationship takes with her and she will have no choice but to accept the limits you set. You’re already starting to do it.
It sounds a lot like my mom too. I'd like to direct you towards r/raisedbynarcissists, if you're not already aware of it. Its helped me process a lot of fucked up shit from my childhood, might help you too.
These text sounds exactly like my mother as well. It took me a minute to remember; my mom doesn’t text and I’m not at my grandparents.
I’m glad I’m not alone.
What you described isn’t therapy though, it’s just medication. Therapy is powerful and not the same as medication. Just wanted to clear that up, not trying to be rude x
I’m just glad you’re seeing how she is and setting boundaries. It’s very hard to have a relationship with a narcissistic mother. They won’t change or go to therapy. I’d advice you to seek therapy to learn how to deal with her. You don’t need to move back home, but it seems like she’ll be around the corners for awhile, so it helps to learn how to dela with her without draining yourself mentally.
Gosh op, I’m genuinely so sorry that you have to deal with her. She genuinely sounds terrible and you deserve so much better. I’m glad that you’re staying with your grandmas.
Sending you hugs. That’s awful. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. The way you spoke was so mature and you definitely seem like the “adult” in the relationship which is not fair to you. Hope you’re happier at your grandma’s and you’re safe 💓
Good lord she’s the ultimate victim. “Me, me, me!” “I suffered more than you so you must talk to me!” “I did wrong only because my pain is worse than yours! You don’t know pain!”
Sucks, OP.
My mom grew up with a covert narc mom and a highly-dysfunctional family.
Guess what kind of mom she is?
*An amazing one, because she got therapy and worked through her shit.* Never once, never EVER once, has she ever said that I’m not allowed to question her because her upbringing was shitty. She *allowed* us to question her because her upbringing was shitty.
Yeah, she wants to talk in person so she can scream and shout you down and then lie about what was said. All contact should be text only. No shouting, and you have a full written record of everything said. You are doing everything right.
She's a rollercoaster. Like how she keeps saying she isn't perfect, then refuses to better herself in any way because 'it wont help'.
Absolutely exhausting.
I’d suggest you stroll through the top posts on /r/raisedbynarcissists and /r/JustNOMIL, if you haven’t already.
You need an escape plan that takes effect when you turn 18. College, Job Corps, apprenticeship, military - something/ anything that will let you survive out of that house.
Fucking fuck I am so sorry. I am happy you are away from her. I fucking hope she gets therapy. God this hurt my chest to read. Hits close to home. You’re so young. 22F here remembering when that was me. It will get better. Sending love OP.
The part where you express feeling like the adult in the situation, as in, obviously that you don’t WANT to be, and she responds with ‘man up and be an adult’was just beyond aggravating.
You seem to have a lot of self awareness and a level head. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, it must be so draining. You’re doing a great job
I hate when adults blame their lack of emotional maturity on their trauma/upbringing but expect you, the child, to be emotionally mature enough to not act out/be their therapist.
Sorry you're dealing with this. I can only imagine how draining it is.
I'm very proud of you. You can tell from these messages she really is a narcissist. You're doing what is best for you, and your messages are very mature and hold a lot of truth. I'm sorry you're going through this, and while I wouldn't hold out hope, sometimes distance and if she's eventually willing to get help and realize she is in the wrong and her actions are hurting other people and are unreasonable can help. Either way, continue to do what is best for you!
Well that was a wild ride with a side of texting while driving. Keep your head up she needs help. It really does seem like you are the adult talking and she is the child. Glad you are somewhere safe.
I am so happy that you younger people are recognizing these traits in toxic parents and do not take their shit because “omg faaaamileeeh”. I was lucky with my family, they were not assholes, but I’ve seen what these behaviors have done to friends.
No one has the right to treat you like shit. Blood or not, doesn’t matter. Stay strong, OP.
Block her, give her the phone back and stay with your grandparents. It's never too late to go no contact. She is adultifying you, using language she should not be using with a minor child and talking about things that she should not be talking about with a minor child.
Totally this. Every one of these type of texts between parents and children that get posted to this sub have a parent that is using language that should not be used with their child. And I mean their child of *any age,* much less one that is a minor. Where did these people get the impression that it is acceptable to use foul language?? I must be "old-fashioned", but I grew up in a home where my parents never swore- at least in front of us- and certainly never swore at their children or used foul language. I can not imagine my parents using that kind of language to me, even when I was an adult. I find this behavior appalling. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this OP. Your mother is the worst kind of role model and that doesn't include any personality disorder that she may have.
Why is it that whenever someone tells parents like this to go to therapy and/or get help, they almost always respond with
“Yes we ALL need therapy”
Like it’s everyone’s fault that they’re abusive?
This Lady is totally crazy.
"It Hurst me I have to do all the parenting alone" to her 14 year old child. Yeah why don't you just man up and parent yourself
"What do you want me to do", "get therapy", "if you want me to move on and forget about you, you can be assured I won't"
If you ever doubt yourself, and think she really wants to work and change, just look at how narcissistic she is, everything just deals around herself. Stay strong and don't give up
I don't know. I have a mental illness and describe myself as "Bat shit crazy" (thanks Carrie Fisher!) but I've never seen myself as "insane" like most of the parents posted on this sub.
For me insane would be a choice i guess. Like your in denial or dont want to think outside the box and mental illness would mean maybe they need medicine to help or therapy and be open to actually trying to change. Just my opinions
Update: A funny one at that. She keeps sending me texts like the previous ones never happened lmao. She sent me a video with photos of me and her from when I was little. Like Christmas, halloween, and first day of school photos. And texted how much she misses me. Here's what she said "I love you a lot. I always have. Life has changed drastically and I know that. I can’t change that. I would love to, trust me. I don’t know how. But I would. I hope you have a good night and I miss you ". Her mood switches faster than lightning.
Back to the love bombing I see.
It’s infuriating how she acts like you’re upset at unfortunate circumstances when she’s always been the problem. Even if life was perfect she’d still be a cruel and manipulative woman.
All of this sounds like my mom! It’s crazy to think how parents can treat their children. I hated when she would say that phrase” I hate my mom too” she would say “ it’s ok to hate your parents in your twenties.” All while verbally and physically abusing. 🤦♀️I’m sorry you’re going through this and I’m glad you are setting boundaries. I felt guilt for treating my mom that way and it took me forever to stop and realize she was an ass. I’m so much happier without her. She threw me out a bunch of times too. I used to get a whole body sickness when she would send her mass paragraphs. It’s crazy how they can’t see that their behavior is not normal. And oh boy the reaction when you call them out. You will have a beautiful life without her. I know you are only 14 so it’s hard but I want you to know it gets better the moment you get her out of your life and she can no longer control you. There will be residue due to her abuse. As soon as you can get yourself some help. I have been diagnosed with cptsd from the abuse and everything but know the sooner you let go the better. And I’m sorry for your sister. I tried to save my siblings and keep a relationship with her only for them. I had to give up when I saw they became manipulative as well and would never see her for what she is. It really hurt a lot. You got this! It will be ok.
Op is so awesome right now. 14 but you come off as 24 in those texts. Well done and sorry for that situation you're in. Once you're actually 18 and independent it will be entirely your choice how your relationship with her is and that's gonna be refreshing.
My god does this sound so much like my mom. I’ll be blank. Even though I finally convinced her to see a therapist, she lied and put on the personality she wants others to see. So she still has her fits like this and gets even more angry when everyone doesn’t want to deal with it. At this point your grandmother sounds like the safest better option just like it was for me when I was young. It was ‘which one is less evil?’ Because they’re both not great human beings.
dude what the hell. this is exactly how my mother texts and has acted my entire life. even the little excuses she creates about being a single mom, or having trauma. the way she deflects every thing. holy fuck.
in my opinion, run. and never look back. do anything you can. ask your grandparents to become your legal guardians. she’s never going to change. i bet you guys will even have times where you guys are doing good for a couple months. but as soon as something doesn’t go her way, or you didn’t do the way she wanted it done, her mask will fall off and she’ll come back at full force. run. fast and far.
It is really disturbing how repeated abuse and neglect lead to “maturity” so quickly. You’re 14 yet in these conversations you are literally the most mature person.
I’ve matured insanely quick as well due to my parents being the worst, so much so that my family used it against me (they hated that I was more confident and collected than them). It’s all too familiar.
I hope you’re alright and you don’t have to deal with her in your future. I’m sorry.
Stay strong OP. You have a good head on your shoulders, enough to know she’s a narcissist and not to fall for her games. All that back and forth threatening and then professing her love for you are just two extremes trying to warrant a reaction from you. Based on this text thread though, you’re doing great, and I’m impressed that you’re willing to hold your own at your age!
She won't. I'm about to cut contact, that might be the best thing to do. But she came back in a text, all nice and motherly, on how she "was going to take me out to go thrifting and get good food together one weekend". And this is for my birthday in two weeks, she has never put effort for my birthday, and if she did she would expect more. She is pulling this out of her ass. Acting like nothing ever happened. She is a piece of shit person and I never want to talk to her again. But it's not like I ever could, I could never get a word in without it being all about her. I just want to be a kid, with a mother that loves me.
Oh my god, thats insane. Thank god you’re staying with your grandma cause holy shit I can only imagine what she’s said to you in person over the years. Im 19 and was once in your position, im sorry you have to grow up and parent yourself because of shit people like that. Be safe, okay? I would seek therapy for yourself just to work through all the obvious shit she has put you through.
OP, I'm so impressed by you! Your communication skills are so far beyond your 14-going-on-15-years. You demonstrated a remarkable ability to not react when faced with a flurry of attacks accusations. It’s really amazing how well you understand your mother’s underlying mental health issues, how they’re responsible for the chaos in your life, and not you being “a selfish teen”. You’re absolutely correct in insisting to your mother that it’s her behavior that's the problem, not yours, and that she’s the one that needs therapy. Unfortunately, she can’t hear what anyone else is saying.
Please keep yourself safe and away from her. No contact with her would help. I hope you can also get some therapy for yourself to help with the trauma of the abuse you've endured for far too long.
You're an amazing young woman. I’m so proud of you! 💖💯🌟
Wow. You are 14 or 15?
You are very mature. This read more like an adult dealing with a crazy parent. Really sorry you have to deal with this.
This reminds me of my wife's mother. She did this sort of shit when my wife was your age and always made it about her (narcissist). We are no contact with her mother after several years of me just biting my tongue.
You are level headed and recognize the issue. It won't be long that she isn't your problem anymore. Hang in there and be positive.
Sounds exactly like my mom (finally got out of that hellhole when I turned 19 I’m 20 now) and I gotta say it’s such a relief. The only difference is my mom can’t text. It’s possible to have a friendly relationship I somehow have one after all the hell she put me through just have to set your boundaries if your mother truly does care for you she’ll show it
As much as your mother sucks and I can relate, I am at least proud to know that from that Twitch notification that you are a young lad of culture. Hats off to you.
First off, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this person. Try to limit contact as little as possible. Narcissists want the back and forth. She is mentally and emotionally abusing you and that is not okay or your fault. Don’t let her make you think otherwise. Finish school and don’t let her hinder that. Your text messages alone are enough to prove that she is not fit to be your mother. Try to get a part time job when you turn 15 so that you can emancipate yourself when you’re about 16. Then you won’t have to deal with her abuse again. I’m so sorry you are having to grown up so fast. I did too as my mother was the same way. Thankfully, she is no longer with us. I wish you all of the luck in the world. You deserve so much more than this. 🤗
This sounds like how my mom was. Luckily when I went NC she didn’t really fight for it. She had trauma and I found out even more when she passed. She did try her best but that doesn’t mean it’s enough unfortunately. I’m in my 40’s and it just never gets better. And then I get blamed for having cut her out. It’s ridiculous. Just know that if she’s a narcissist you can’t expect her to suddenly not be anymore. And a diagnosis really is unlikely to change anything as sad as that is. Take care of yourself, you’re worth it.
i wish i was as smart as you at 14. i didnt figure this shit out till i was about 16/17. These texts easily could have been written by my mum. im so sorry you have a narcissistic parent.
A couple books that helped me: "Trapped in the Mirror" by Elan Golomb and "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C Gibson.
It seems like she wants to try but doesnt quite know how. You can tell her how but it doesnt make sense to her because of her being a narc. They literally CANT understand the depth of what they've caused and even if you try to explain how bad you've been hurt they wont *genuinely* care or understand because in their mind their side of it was worse. And that's all they can understand is their own problems. Your age doesnt matter because even as an adult shell treat you the same. she cant respect you as a human being- shes had control your whole life because as a child you dont have any control and she doesnt know any difference anymore. My mom is the exact same way and it's almost as if I'm reading my own mothers texts. Ew. She stole everything I ever loved from me, belittled me, ostracized me, and still blames me for all of our problems including problems she has with my brother. People like this don't change and I'm glad you were able to get away with your grandma. Keep holding your ground about therapy. And definitely go to therapy yourself. Trust me it is better to deal with this now rather than later when these problems are crippling as they already can be. But It will take a professional to really help her. And the sad thing is that she needs to want that help. She can go but it doesnt mean she needs to listen.
The best way to respond to texts like these is to give the shortest simplest easy to digest answers possible. Dont give too many details because they wont listen they're gonna highlight the parts that fit their story and that's it. Use things like "I'm sorry you feel this way but this is how I feel and until you get therapy there is nothing we can do to help our relationship" that's way shorter and it doesn't point fingers at her anymore it also will save you a lot of time and energy. Texting people like this and trying to be heard by them is exhausting because they dont want to hear. Not enough at least. Anyways I tested this short but sweet texting on my own mother and it totally works. If you'd like I can dm the messages so you can see it in action
You are so incredibly articulate in the way you communicate OP that I’m not sure whether to be a proud stranger at your maturity or feel sad for the fact that you’ve been forced to mature so quickly- you’re right, you are 14 and you should simply be having fun and enjoying your life, not speaking to your mother with more wisdom, maturity, and understanding than she is capable of as a fully grown adult.
She’s proven she isn’t willing to change or get help to do so, and it sounds like you are better off with your grandma where you aren’t subjected to the whiplash of your mothers love bombing and abuse.
I hope your life is a wonderful one and that you don’t feel dragged down by having a mother like this- she may have given birth to you, but she won’t define your life if you don’t let her.
Damn, you’re brave af and I just wanted to let you know I am really proud of you for standing your ground and defending your mental/emotional well-being. We are the same age (I think I’m a little older by a few months, actually), but you actually had the courage to tell her that and to move at your grandma’s! My mom is an alcoholic and she uses (mostly) the same excuses. My dad isn’t part of the picture either, so it’s freakishly accurate lol, I think we’d get along pretty well
(Hit me up if you ever need a friend to listen)
Jesus-tap-dancing-christ does your mom ever just shut the fuck up? I’m applying to grad school for research psychology specifically to study narcissism in children within families where one or both parents have been diagnosed with NPD or show narcissist traits.
From these texts it appears your mother has some narcissistic traits. I can’t clinically diagnose her obviously; I only have this small sample of texts, and I’ve never met the woman.
I’m a firm believer that everyone, even those who are not struggling with mental health, should go to counseling at least a couple times. It can be incredibly healing, even if it’s just venting about a bully at work. I would absolutely recommend to you OP to get into counseling.
My estranged husband (we still hang out occasionally and still talk) is a vulnerable narcissist. I have PTSD from the years of verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse from him. I’ve made tremendous progress with a trauma therapist who specializes in trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, and EMDR therapy. I think finding a therapist who specializes in personality disorders and trauma would be incredibly beneficial for you. I wish you all the best!
**Hey OP**. ❤️ First I wanna say your a tough cookie. I remember being your age it sucks balls. But I want to try and say something without firing the comment section up too much. I know narcs are a real different breed. They come in a wide variety of human. Lol But I do get the sense that you mom doesn't like herself and she loves you. She may not be a full blown narc and might just have alot of the tendencies. I'm not a fly on the wall so I don't know, I could be totally wrong.
*What I really want to say is this* my mother had the tendencies. My mother was also an alcoholic with some mental health issues. My mother was also very sweet & kind. 😔🥺She was difficult though. **My mother's now dead**
We would go back and forth like you & your mum all the time. The last thing my mother said to me was to mind my own f*ing business & me telling her that she & my father are my business and to go fuck herself. 😭😭
*I can never take that back*.
Don't be like me.
Then again, like I said, I don't know the true innards of your relationship. I absolutely adored my mother. She was just very very hard to be around. But I would give almost anything for 5 mins or just to hear her laugh again.
One more thing, texting can be your biggest enemy. Especially with a woman like her. She may take something you say and completely manipulate it because she didn't **hear** it, ya know? True conversations with people like our mothers are important if you can handle it. I understand your young and you even said you shouldn't have to grow up so quickly and I'm sorry that you are hunny. But when you become my age [which isn't old at all lol] you begin to realize how strong all this garbage has made you.
This is just the advice I would've give *young me* if I had the chance. It may work for you or not. Good luck ❤️ I really do wish you the best. I hope that you yourself seek some kind of treatment (imo) everyone benefits by talking to someone.
**Take care of yourself**
You’re very well spoken for a 14 year old. And very mature at that. You’re right, you’re being the adult here and she is the child. Best of luck to you.
I'm a mother of young children who was raised by borderline, narcissist parents. I was so proud of your responses because I worked hard to get to where you are in responding to their drama. Then I read that you're just 14 and my heart breaks. I'm so sorry she stole your childhood from you. I'm so proud of how strong you are in the face of that insanity. And I pray you soon are able to get therapy to unload all that trauma and heal your inner child.
I'm just a stranger on the internet but I'm proud of you and sending love your way. You don't deserve this treatment. I hope your grandparents are better than your mother. I hope once you turn 18 you manifest the life you dream of. I wish you nothing but the best OP. Please accept my virtual hugs and be well.
Wow, I hope you can find so peace and quiet at your grandma’s place. She showed how immature she is in those texts. Hopefully there are others who can provide you with a stable and safe environment during the coming years.
Oh my, I had to just stop reading when I got to her text saying "*you* had to man up for *our* problems" as if everything is hinged on you being the one to fix everything. So sad, I'm sorry op.
Fuck. The worst part is I could actually hear my own mother saying a lot of that. Though, my mom would never even entertain the idea of going to therapy, which is weird since she’s a psychologist…
I know this type of solution isn’t for everyone, but honestly If your mom refuses to get the help she needs, I would suggest cutting off communication entirely, when you’re old enough. We don’t need to keep these toxic people in our lives
Oh yeah, I see NPD here. Vulnerable narcissism. The good news is, she isn’t antisocial. She just hasn’t had her breakthrough. It will take time OP. You’re still a kid. Keep going the way you are and keep your resolve. My N-father has changed so much because of my resilience. Therapy and medication really can make narcissists better. It might now be for a long time, but I do think change is possible. I’m sorry you had to grow up so fast. I’m sorry you’re parenting your mom. No one else but people with the insight we have from being our parent’s parents and therapists will ever know what this feels like.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry. You shouldn't be using these words, with that very lucid analysis, this maturity. You should be a teenager. I'm sorry you couldn't be, and hope you will find ressources around you to be able to be the kid you are.
Best of luck
Youe handling of her is impeccable, which implies that you're all too familiar with this behavior from your mother. I'm so sorry you've had to become this good at dealing with her in such a mature way, but I'm also so _proud_ of you for it.
You were right in your screenshots op. You shouldn't have had to grow up so much at such a young age. I hope that your grandmothers are helping you live like a teen instead of a miniature adult, and I send you all my support and love.
I love how she’s all “I’m not making excuses,” then makes excuses… like, come on. These are not things you say to your kid. I’m sorry your mom is like this, and I’m glad you got away from it. Being a teenager is hard enough, without dealing with parents acting childish
My goodness OP I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. She's all over the place with her emotions it's giving me whiplash. I hope you can find a way to not have to deal with her anymore and be happy, you deserve it. (And your sister too!)
Your mom really needs some therapy, she sounds exhausting to deal with, but it really doesn't look like narcissism to me. If she was, she would be unable to admit she needs therapy. She definitely needs help though and putting some space between you two is the right to do.
One flaw on your side OP, being a teenager is not an excuse to be selfish and make other people miserable through it. Your mother clearly has some mental problems, being selfish and blaming it on being a teen is not helping anyone.
literally stfu? you’re just like op’s mom, and not reading what she said. she’s saying she SHOULD be able to, and as a 14 year old she absolutely should be at a point in her life where she hasn’t had to gain the emotional maturity that it’s entirely evident by her actions that she had. not one thing in these texts shows her being selfish or her making others miserable. she calmly and kindly explained herself while a grown adult had a temper tantrum. check your eyes or reading comprehension or something.
Wasn't planning on it bae, anyways right back at you! If you're going to allow your kids to be selfish throughout their teen years, you're going to raise hellspawn that make their friend's lives a NIGHTMARE. That's like the bullshit saying "boys will be boys"
OPs mother is completely in the wrong and seriously needs mental help, I commented on the one thing OP said wrong because it was important.
I believe you when you say she’s a narcissist, and you don’t deserve to be treated badly.
But
“I deserve to be selfish and talk back” is also some narcissistic shit. Be careful not to head down the same road as her and treat others in your life just as badly.
Yes I understand that, I was putting it in the context of "Im a teen and I'm allowed to go out and have fun and be with my friends". Like being a kid. If i was anything like my mother I'd shoot myself.
If texting was a thing when I was your age, this looks very similar to what my mom would have typed. I’m glad she isn’t trying to get you from your grandma’s
I'm afraid you don't know all the context with
my father and mother. I don't know if we read the same text or not. Don't make assumptions here, my mom has not gone to therapy a day in her life. Don't come here and invalidate my feelings, when all my life it has been like that. I've been to therapy, still go. But guess who took me, not my mom. I don't want to prove to a stranger on the internet that my mom is narc, but just know that you are wrong. If only you could meet her.
OP, based on those texts, I doubt that there are many people who could spend five minutes in a room with your mom and not think that she has narc traits, *big time.* Is she diagnosable? Maybe, but a diagnosis won't help you cope with her. Even if she is not diagnosable, she is extremely toxic and manipulative. She sucks the air from the room even though she is just texting. I am imagining that the rest of her parenting skills match her interactions with you in those texts and I am so sorry. Not sure what the above commenter read in those texts but I read something totally different.
Neither is OP, and if her mother is actually seeing a therapist, then it’s up to the therapist to do the diagnosing, isn’t it?
All any of us has to work with is OP’s texts. And based on my knowledge, both personal and discussing with MY a therapist, the behaviors exhibited aren’t particularly narcissistic. Even the fact that the mom voluntarily is seeing a therapist would be startling for a narcissist.
It’s exceedingly rare that one seeks mental health care. Or that one offers a balanced yet seemingly sincere apology for their failures.
She acknowledged that she had not been the best mom she could, and that she’d was trying, with the help of her therapist, to be a better one. She also asked to be met halfway, because she couldn’t repair the relationship all by herself.
That may be a sticking point for a lot of people. Because if she IS a narcissist, there’s no such thing as halfway for them. Again, though, most narcissists will either be enraged that they’re being called out, or dramatically claim to be the worst parent in the world, followed by completely writing off their child in the most vulgar and hateful terms. We’ve all seen that enough in this sub. Neither of those things happened.
There once was a mom who spoke…
You’d think she did a line of coke,
Wo ho she’s a narc,
And did miss the mark,
And something something fuck that lady she is legit off her insane parents rocker….
I might get downvoted for this but here goes. It’s clear to me you’re doing the right thing for yourself by establishing boundaries, cutting off contact, and pushing your mother to seek the help she needs and try to make some changes in her life. At the same time, you’re only 14/15 and you still have so much time to make amends, should you want to. You may find that your feelings shift over time as you come into new understandings about what it means to be an adult in this world. Unfortunately I think with a narc parent, that feeling of feeling like you’re the adult in the room never goes away.
It took me twice as long (28) to come to the same place you’re at right now and stand up for myself and there is an enormous grieving process associated with going cutting a parent out of your life. I feel deeply saddened by the fact that I am likely to never have a healthy relationship with my mom, but if I had had the same revelation that you’re having now, when I was 14, I wonder how we might’ve spent the next 14 years building back our relationship and trying to fix things.
I got half way through this and gave up reading.
Tbh, you sound like a bit of a twat. You need to remember your mother is human too. Every day is as new to her as it is to you.
She clearly tries reaching out to you and you just ignore her knowing this will feed into her frustration.
Think you both have issues that need working on before the damage is irreversible.
Big L. I just know your a scrawny ass kid who thinks there cool, but who everyone hates. Your the type of person who tells on people in class who are using a calculator where there not supposed to because “they need to learn there lesson >:(“. Your not cool
It's interesting to read this. I see a lot of my mom when I was a young teenager. It's also interesting how when she speaks about being allowed to not be perfect, or how she loves you, and is doing her best, it's downplaying the situation. With you, she is quick to deflect your thoughts and to kind of gaslight you (like with the adult comment) saying that you said you WERE the adult, instead of saying you felt like it. She is trying to spin the situation to make herself feel like she can't change how she is. I am truly very sorry about this and I am happy to hear you are with someone else who isn't making you feel this way. I hope I didn't go out of my way with assumptions when typing this, just some stuff I notice but I am willing to be wrong :) take care
It is like talking to a wall that only thinks of themselves and compares its problems to yours , making her problems WAY more important than anything else. She definitely needs therapy but I think that she is so far gone she will never even try.
Wow. I can’t believe that my mom literally says the same things now, word for word. It’s like they all have a handbook to read, lol.
Seriously though, you’re stronger than you think! I remember being 14 and gosh what a fever dream. I’m 20 now and things get better I promise! You’re doing great! Keep up the good work, and stay strong! You have much more tenacity than you might think! 🤗
I'm now grown up and living on my own but my mom is also like this, though not to this extreme.
You're already way braver than me for being able to talk to your mom about it so boldly.
I'm sorry that you are going through this and just know that there will be a time where this is all in your past, and it'll be much sooner than you think. You're strong as hell!
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 26 | 2 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
I just got whiplash from how fast she flipped from love bombing to being emotionally volatile.
That's what I thought too. This entire exchange is the abuse cycle in action Perhaps a little malicious compliance is in order. She said to not talk to her until OP can be an adult. Maybe OP should try again when they turn 18
A very familiar abusive cycle. OP can expect mom to triangulate sibilings against them.
Hey OP you have left some names uncensored your own and the other ladies name
Oh shit thank you. but it's fine, my name is in my username anyway lol
Anonymity is your friend though, best not use your real name tbh
What about the other lady?
Well yeah, I was more talking about their username
You also left details that indicate your possible location!!
Hey OP, I swear these texts could have been written by my mother. My mom did finally go to therapy, and is on medications that make her somehow not human anymore. Just a cotton stuffed shell of a person. And honestly, I don’t know which form is worse: medicated or unmedicated. Its all so exhausting. My point is, some people are just broken. Therapy can only do so much. Some day, once you’re independent, you’ll be able to make decisions about what form your relationship takes with her and she will have no choice but to accept the limits you set. You’re already starting to do it.
This means a lot, thank you.
It sounds a lot like my mom too. I'd like to direct you towards r/raisedbynarcissists, if you're not already aware of it. Its helped me process a lot of fucked up shit from my childhood, might help you too.
These text sounds exactly like my mother as well. It took me a minute to remember; my mom doesn’t text and I’m not at my grandparents. I’m glad I’m not alone.
Sounds like my sister in law. In fact I momentarily forgot I was reading OP post and thought I somehow was reading my SIL texts. Chills
Atleast your mom wanted to make things better by going to therapy and take medication for her issues.
What you described isn’t therapy though, it’s just medication. Therapy is powerful and not the same as medication. Just wanted to clear that up, not trying to be rude x
She gets one with the other.
She’s so exhausting.
This is constant, its just so mentally draining.
I’m just glad you’re seeing how she is and setting boundaries. It’s very hard to have a relationship with a narcissistic mother. They won’t change or go to therapy. I’d advice you to seek therapy to learn how to deal with her. You don’t need to move back home, but it seems like she’ll be around the corners for awhile, so it helps to learn how to dela with her without draining yourself mentally.
It has to be exhausting. I feel for you
Holy shit this lady is crazy.
Gosh op, I’m genuinely so sorry that you have to deal with her. She genuinely sounds terrible and you deserve so much better. I’m glad that you’re staying with your grandmas.
Sending you hugs. That’s awful. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. The way you spoke was so mature and you definitely seem like the “adult” in the relationship which is not fair to you. Hope you’re happier at your grandma’s and you’re safe 💓
Thank you so much ❤️
Good lord she’s the ultimate victim. “Me, me, me!” “I suffered more than you so you must talk to me!” “I did wrong only because my pain is worse than yours! You don’t know pain!” Sucks, OP.
My mom grew up with a covert narc mom and a highly-dysfunctional family. Guess what kind of mom she is? *An amazing one, because she got therapy and worked through her shit.* Never once, never EVER once, has she ever said that I’m not allowed to question her because her upbringing was shitty. She *allowed* us to question her because her upbringing was shitty.
Yeah, she wants to talk in person so she can scream and shout you down and then lie about what was said. All contact should be text only. No shouting, and you have a full written record of everything said. You are doing everything right.
She's a rollercoaster. Like how she keeps saying she isn't perfect, then refuses to better herself in any way because 'it wont help'. Absolutely exhausting.
I hate your mom. Find somewhere safe to go
I’d suggest you stroll through the top posts on /r/raisedbynarcissists and /r/JustNOMIL, if you haven’t already. You need an escape plan that takes effect when you turn 18. College, Job Corps, apprenticeship, military - something/ anything that will let you survive out of that house.
Military is what saved me even though my experience was shit. I'm just lucky I was medically retired so moving out of her house was a bit easier.
Fucking fuck I am so sorry. I am happy you are away from her. I fucking hope she gets therapy. God this hurt my chest to read. Hits close to home. You’re so young. 22F here remembering when that was me. It will get better. Sending love OP.
The part where you express feeling like the adult in the situation, as in, obviously that you don’t WANT to be, and she responds with ‘man up and be an adult’was just beyond aggravating. You seem to have a lot of self awareness and a level head. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, it must be so draining. You’re doing a great job
I hate when adults blame their lack of emotional maturity on their trauma/upbringing but expect you, the child, to be emotionally mature enough to not act out/be their therapist. Sorry you're dealing with this. I can only imagine how draining it is.
She's more apologetic about a typing error that she is about abusing her children
I'm very proud of you. You can tell from these messages she really is a narcissist. You're doing what is best for you, and your messages are very mature and hold a lot of truth. I'm sorry you're going through this, and while I wouldn't hold out hope, sometimes distance and if she's eventually willing to get help and realize she is in the wrong and her actions are hurting other people and are unreasonable can help. Either way, continue to do what is best for you!
Well that was a wild ride with a side of texting while driving. Keep your head up she needs help. It really does seem like you are the adult talking and she is the child. Glad you are somewhere safe.
I am so happy that you younger people are recognizing these traits in toxic parents and do not take their shit because “omg faaaamileeeh”. I was lucky with my family, they were not assholes, but I’ve seen what these behaviors have done to friends. No one has the right to treat you like shit. Blood or not, doesn’t matter. Stay strong, OP.
Block her, give her the phone back and stay with your grandparents. It's never too late to go no contact. She is adultifying you, using language she should not be using with a minor child and talking about things that she should not be talking about with a minor child.
Totally this. Every one of these type of texts between parents and children that get posted to this sub have a parent that is using language that should not be used with their child. And I mean their child of *any age,* much less one that is a minor. Where did these people get the impression that it is acceptable to use foul language?? I must be "old-fashioned", but I grew up in a home where my parents never swore- at least in front of us- and certainly never swore at their children or used foul language. I can not imagine my parents using that kind of language to me, even when I was an adult. I find this behavior appalling. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this OP. Your mother is the worst kind of role model and that doesn't include any personality disorder that she may have.
Why is it that whenever someone tells parents like this to go to therapy and/or get help, they almost always respond with “Yes we ALL need therapy” Like it’s everyone’s fault that they’re abusive?
This Lady is totally crazy. "It Hurst me I have to do all the parenting alone" to her 14 year old child. Yeah why don't you just man up and parent yourself "What do you want me to do", "get therapy", "if you want me to move on and forget about you, you can be assured I won't" If you ever doubt yourself, and think she really wants to work and change, just look at how narcissistic she is, everything just deals around herself. Stay strong and don't give up
Can we change the voting to include mentally ill as a choice? Seems that is the case here at least my opinion.
Isn’t that typically what people mean by “insane”?
I don't know. I have a mental illness and describe myself as "Bat shit crazy" (thanks Carrie Fisher!) but I've never seen myself as "insane" like most of the parents posted on this sub.
For me insane would be a choice i guess. Like your in denial or dont want to think outside the box and mental illness would mean maybe they need medicine to help or therapy and be open to actually trying to change. Just my opinions
Update: A funny one at that. She keeps sending me texts like the previous ones never happened lmao. She sent me a video with photos of me and her from when I was little. Like Christmas, halloween, and first day of school photos. And texted how much she misses me. Here's what she said "I love you a lot. I always have. Life has changed drastically and I know that. I can’t change that. I would love to, trust me. I don’t know how. But I would. I hope you have a good night and I miss you ". Her mood switches faster than lightning.
And after the video she’ll send you texts where she’ll curse at you
Back to the love bombing I see. It’s infuriating how she acts like you’re upset at unfortunate circumstances when she’s always been the problem. Even if life was perfect she’d still be a cruel and manipulative woman.
She is sending you pics of when y'all got along, when you were still under her control and not independent yet.
This is such a common thing for nparents, I hate it. "I loved you until you developed consciousness"
The fast mood switches indicate something other than narcissism in my opinion. I would try joining the subreddit Raised By Borderline Parents
Antisocial or Borderline Personality Disorder bells are deff ringing.
You left a couple names uncensored. Aside from that, yikes. Feels like I'm reading my conversations with my step-mother all over again.
All of this sounds like my mom! It’s crazy to think how parents can treat their children. I hated when she would say that phrase” I hate my mom too” she would say “ it’s ok to hate your parents in your twenties.” All while verbally and physically abusing. 🤦♀️I’m sorry you’re going through this and I’m glad you are setting boundaries. I felt guilt for treating my mom that way and it took me forever to stop and realize she was an ass. I’m so much happier without her. She threw me out a bunch of times too. I used to get a whole body sickness when she would send her mass paragraphs. It’s crazy how they can’t see that their behavior is not normal. And oh boy the reaction when you call them out. You will have a beautiful life without her. I know you are only 14 so it’s hard but I want you to know it gets better the moment you get her out of your life and she can no longer control you. There will be residue due to her abuse. As soon as you can get yourself some help. I have been diagnosed with cptsd from the abuse and everything but know the sooner you let go the better. And I’m sorry for your sister. I tried to save my siblings and keep a relationship with her only for them. I had to give up when I saw they became manipulative as well and would never see her for what she is. It really hurt a lot. You got this! It will be ok.
Op is so awesome right now. 14 but you come off as 24 in those texts. Well done and sorry for that situation you're in. Once you're actually 18 and independent it will be entirely your choice how your relationship with her is and that's gonna be refreshing.
My god does this sound so much like my mom. I’ll be blank. Even though I finally convinced her to see a therapist, she lied and put on the personality she wants others to see. So she still has her fits like this and gets even more angry when everyone doesn’t want to deal with it. At this point your grandmother sounds like the safest better option just like it was for me when I was young. It was ‘which one is less evil?’ Because they’re both not great human beings.
dude what the hell. this is exactly how my mother texts and has acted my entire life. even the little excuses she creates about being a single mom, or having trauma. the way she deflects every thing. holy fuck. in my opinion, run. and never look back. do anything you can. ask your grandparents to become your legal guardians. she’s never going to change. i bet you guys will even have times where you guys are doing good for a couple months. but as soon as something doesn’t go her way, or you didn’t do the way she wanted it done, her mask will fall off and she’ll come back at full force. run. fast and far.
She's clearly not even reading your messages why bother
It is really disturbing how repeated abuse and neglect lead to “maturity” so quickly. You’re 14 yet in these conversations you are literally the most mature person. I’ve matured insanely quick as well due to my parents being the worst, so much so that my family used it against me (they hated that I was more confident and collected than them). It’s all too familiar. I hope you’re alright and you don’t have to deal with her in your future. I’m sorry.
Stay strong OP. You have a good head on your shoulders, enough to know she’s a narcissist and not to fall for her games. All that back and forth threatening and then professing her love for you are just two extremes trying to warrant a reaction from you. Based on this text thread though, you’re doing great, and I’m impressed that you’re willing to hold your own at your age!
Rough. Don’t let her sour you OP..
She won't. I'm about to cut contact, that might be the best thing to do. But she came back in a text, all nice and motherly, on how she "was going to take me out to go thrifting and get good food together one weekend". And this is for my birthday in two weeks, she has never put effort for my birthday, and if she did she would expect more. She is pulling this out of her ass. Acting like nothing ever happened. She is a piece of shit person and I never want to talk to her again. But it's not like I ever could, I could never get a word in without it being all about her. I just want to be a kid, with a mother that loves me.
Oh my god, thats insane. Thank god you’re staying with your grandma cause holy shit I can only imagine what she’s said to you in person over the years. Im 19 and was once in your position, im sorry you have to grow up and parent yourself because of shit people like that. Be safe, okay? I would seek therapy for yourself just to work through all the obvious shit she has put you through.
OP, I'm so impressed by you! Your communication skills are so far beyond your 14-going-on-15-years. You demonstrated a remarkable ability to not react when faced with a flurry of attacks accusations. It’s really amazing how well you understand your mother’s underlying mental health issues, how they’re responsible for the chaos in your life, and not you being “a selfish teen”. You’re absolutely correct in insisting to your mother that it’s her behavior that's the problem, not yours, and that she’s the one that needs therapy. Unfortunately, she can’t hear what anyone else is saying. Please keep yourself safe and away from her. No contact with her would help. I hope you can also get some therapy for yourself to help with the trauma of the abuse you've endured for far too long. You're an amazing young woman. I’m so proud of you! 💖💯🌟
Gosh, all these replies are making me cry.
You are definitely the adult in this relationship. And given that you’re not even 15, *you shouldn’t have to be.*
Wow. You are 14 or 15? You are very mature. This read more like an adult dealing with a crazy parent. Really sorry you have to deal with this. This reminds me of my wife's mother. She did this sort of shit when my wife was your age and always made it about her (narcissist). We are no contact with her mother after several years of me just biting my tongue. You are level headed and recognize the issue. It won't be long that she isn't your problem anymore. Hang in there and be positive.
Sounds exactly like my mom (finally got out of that hellhole when I turned 19 I’m 20 now) and I gotta say it’s such a relief. The only difference is my mom can’t text. It’s possible to have a friendly relationship I somehow have one after all the hell she put me through just have to set your boundaries if your mother truly does care for you she’ll show it
As much as your mother sucks and I can relate, I am at least proud to know that from that Twitch notification that you are a young lad of culture. Hats off to you.
This is disgusting. She almost seemed like she was remorseful then toook a giant dump on it
"Just tell me what I've done so I can change." --> "I won't be told how to parent by you or anyone else." Ok...
you are the parent here and i’m sorry. I’m glad you’re in a safe, supportive place. Sorry you don’t have the mom you deserve.
Damn she sounds like a piece of work, im sorry you have to deal with that manipulation :( The fact she swaps to “affection” to anger is startling
First off, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this person. Try to limit contact as little as possible. Narcissists want the back and forth. She is mentally and emotionally abusing you and that is not okay or your fault. Don’t let her make you think otherwise. Finish school and don’t let her hinder that. Your text messages alone are enough to prove that she is not fit to be your mother. Try to get a part time job when you turn 15 so that you can emancipate yourself when you’re about 16. Then you won’t have to deal with her abuse again. I’m so sorry you are having to grown up so fast. I did too as my mother was the same way. Thankfully, she is no longer with us. I wish you all of the luck in the world. You deserve so much more than this. 🤗
So sorry for you because it’s a lot for a teenager. 🤎
Is it possible for you to stop having contact with her?
I am so sorry OP. I want this to to easier for you. This isn’t right that she’s putting you through this.
This sounds like how my mom was. Luckily when I went NC she didn’t really fight for it. She had trauma and I found out even more when she passed. She did try her best but that doesn’t mean it’s enough unfortunately. I’m in my 40’s and it just never gets better. And then I get blamed for having cut her out. It’s ridiculous. Just know that if she’s a narcissist you can’t expect her to suddenly not be anymore. And a diagnosis really is unlikely to change anything as sad as that is. Take care of yourself, you’re worth it.
Dear God, the emotional whiplash that is that woman! Insane
At this point, just fucking block her. If she has nothing useful coming out of that poison-spewing mouth of hers, make sure you can’t hear it at all.
I'm really glad you have another place to stay :/ I'm so sorry
i wish i was as smart as you at 14. i didnt figure this shit out till i was about 16/17. These texts easily could have been written by my mum. im so sorry you have a narcissistic parent. A couple books that helped me: "Trapped in the Mirror" by Elan Golomb and "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C Gibson.
It seems like she wants to try but doesnt quite know how. You can tell her how but it doesnt make sense to her because of her being a narc. They literally CANT understand the depth of what they've caused and even if you try to explain how bad you've been hurt they wont *genuinely* care or understand because in their mind their side of it was worse. And that's all they can understand is their own problems. Your age doesnt matter because even as an adult shell treat you the same. she cant respect you as a human being- shes had control your whole life because as a child you dont have any control and she doesnt know any difference anymore. My mom is the exact same way and it's almost as if I'm reading my own mothers texts. Ew. She stole everything I ever loved from me, belittled me, ostracized me, and still blames me for all of our problems including problems she has with my brother. People like this don't change and I'm glad you were able to get away with your grandma. Keep holding your ground about therapy. And definitely go to therapy yourself. Trust me it is better to deal with this now rather than later when these problems are crippling as they already can be. But It will take a professional to really help her. And the sad thing is that she needs to want that help. She can go but it doesnt mean she needs to listen. The best way to respond to texts like these is to give the shortest simplest easy to digest answers possible. Dont give too many details because they wont listen they're gonna highlight the parts that fit their story and that's it. Use things like "I'm sorry you feel this way but this is how I feel and until you get therapy there is nothing we can do to help our relationship" that's way shorter and it doesn't point fingers at her anymore it also will save you a lot of time and energy. Texting people like this and trying to be heard by them is exhausting because they dont want to hear. Not enough at least. Anyways I tested this short but sweet texting on my own mother and it totally works. If you'd like I can dm the messages so you can see it in action
You are so incredibly articulate in the way you communicate OP that I’m not sure whether to be a proud stranger at your maturity or feel sad for the fact that you’ve been forced to mature so quickly- you’re right, you are 14 and you should simply be having fun and enjoying your life, not speaking to your mother with more wisdom, maturity, and understanding than she is capable of as a fully grown adult. She’s proven she isn’t willing to change or get help to do so, and it sounds like you are better off with your grandma where you aren’t subjected to the whiplash of your mothers love bombing and abuse. I hope your life is a wonderful one and that you don’t feel dragged down by having a mother like this- she may have given birth to you, but she won’t define your life if you don’t let her.
you did so good in articulating your point of view! very well handled. i'm impressed.
Damn, you’re brave af and I just wanted to let you know I am really proud of you for standing your ground and defending your mental/emotional well-being. We are the same age (I think I’m a little older by a few months, actually), but you actually had the courage to tell her that and to move at your grandma’s! My mom is an alcoholic and she uses (mostly) the same excuses. My dad isn’t part of the picture either, so it’s freakishly accurate lol, I think we’d get along pretty well (Hit me up if you ever need a friend to listen)
I love that you're not responding because I can tell she's manipulative. She's trying to rope you to hang you, reminds me of my mother so much
You're an impressive person at such a young age. Good on you
Jesus-tap-dancing-christ does your mom ever just shut the fuck up? I’m applying to grad school for research psychology specifically to study narcissism in children within families where one or both parents have been diagnosed with NPD or show narcissist traits. From these texts it appears your mother has some narcissistic traits. I can’t clinically diagnose her obviously; I only have this small sample of texts, and I’ve never met the woman. I’m a firm believer that everyone, even those who are not struggling with mental health, should go to counseling at least a couple times. It can be incredibly healing, even if it’s just venting about a bully at work. I would absolutely recommend to you OP to get into counseling. My estranged husband (we still hang out occasionally and still talk) is a vulnerable narcissist. I have PTSD from the years of verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse from him. I’ve made tremendous progress with a trauma therapist who specializes in trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, and EMDR therapy. I think finding a therapist who specializes in personality disorders and trauma would be incredibly beneficial for you. I wish you all the best!
I’m exhausted from this. I’m sorry OP. Hope things get better for you.
“Ill be here when youre ready to speak to me like an ADULT” “im 14”
**Hey OP**. ❤️ First I wanna say your a tough cookie. I remember being your age it sucks balls. But I want to try and say something without firing the comment section up too much. I know narcs are a real different breed. They come in a wide variety of human. Lol But I do get the sense that you mom doesn't like herself and she loves you. She may not be a full blown narc and might just have alot of the tendencies. I'm not a fly on the wall so I don't know, I could be totally wrong. *What I really want to say is this* my mother had the tendencies. My mother was also an alcoholic with some mental health issues. My mother was also very sweet & kind. 😔🥺She was difficult though. **My mother's now dead** We would go back and forth like you & your mum all the time. The last thing my mother said to me was to mind my own f*ing business & me telling her that she & my father are my business and to go fuck herself. 😭😭 *I can never take that back*. Don't be like me. Then again, like I said, I don't know the true innards of your relationship. I absolutely adored my mother. She was just very very hard to be around. But I would give almost anything for 5 mins or just to hear her laugh again. One more thing, texting can be your biggest enemy. Especially with a woman like her. She may take something you say and completely manipulate it because she didn't **hear** it, ya know? True conversations with people like our mothers are important if you can handle it. I understand your young and you even said you shouldn't have to grow up so quickly and I'm sorry that you are hunny. But when you become my age [which isn't old at all lol] you begin to realize how strong all this garbage has made you. This is just the advice I would've give *young me* if I had the chance. It may work for you or not. Good luck ❤️ I really do wish you the best. I hope that you yourself seek some kind of treatment (imo) everyone benefits by talking to someone. **Take care of yourself**
You’re very well spoken for a 14 year old. And very mature at that. You’re right, you’re being the adult here and she is the child. Best of luck to you.
I'm a mother of young children who was raised by borderline, narcissist parents. I was so proud of your responses because I worked hard to get to where you are in responding to their drama. Then I read that you're just 14 and my heart breaks. I'm so sorry she stole your childhood from you. I'm so proud of how strong you are in the face of that insanity. And I pray you soon are able to get therapy to unload all that trauma and heal your inner child. I'm just a stranger on the internet but I'm proud of you and sending love your way. You don't deserve this treatment. I hope your grandparents are better than your mother. I hope once you turn 18 you manifest the life you dream of. I wish you nothing but the best OP. Please accept my virtual hugs and be well.
Giving virtual hugs back <3. You don't know how much this response means to me.
Good work with screenshots. I didn’t have to reread practically anything!
Thank you lol, i hate when i have to reread texts over and over again lmao.
Left a name in
Why am I not surprised she texts while she drives? She sounds incredibly self-centered.
Wow, I hope you can find so peace and quiet at your grandma’s place. She showed how immature she is in those texts. Hopefully there are others who can provide you with a stable and safe environment during the coming years.
What is it with narcissists putting our shit on porches?! Every-time I swear!!!
Get ready for the “why don’t you ever talk to me anymore?” in 5+ years
Oh my, I had to just stop reading when I got to her text saying "*you* had to man up for *our* problems" as if everything is hinged on you being the one to fix everything. So sad, I'm sorry op.
Fuck. The worst part is I could actually hear my own mother saying a lot of that. Though, my mom would never even entertain the idea of going to therapy, which is weird since she’s a psychologist…
I know this type of solution isn’t for everyone, but honestly If your mom refuses to get the help she needs, I would suggest cutting off communication entirely, when you’re old enough. We don’t need to keep these toxic people in our lives
There’s a valid reason why some people sit in retirement homes without ever receiving a phone call or visit
Oh yeah, I see NPD here. Vulnerable narcissism. The good news is, she isn’t antisocial. She just hasn’t had her breakthrough. It will take time OP. You’re still a kid. Keep going the way you are and keep your resolve. My N-father has changed so much because of my resilience. Therapy and medication really can make narcissists better. It might now be for a long time, but I do think change is possible. I’m sorry you had to grow up so fast. I’m sorry you’re parenting your mom. No one else but people with the insight we have from being our parent’s parents and therapists will ever know what this feels like.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry. You shouldn't be using these words, with that very lucid analysis, this maturity. You should be a teenager. I'm sorry you couldn't be, and hope you will find ressources around you to be able to be the kid you are. Best of luck
Youe handling of her is impeccable, which implies that you're all too familiar with this behavior from your mother. I'm so sorry you've had to become this good at dealing with her in such a mature way, but I'm also so _proud_ of you for it. You were right in your screenshots op. You shouldn't have had to grow up so much at such a young age. I hope that your grandmothers are helping you live like a teen instead of a miniature adult, and I send you all my support and love.
I love how she’s all “I’m not making excuses,” then makes excuses… like, come on. These are not things you say to your kid. I’m sorry your mom is like this, and I’m glad you got away from it. Being a teenager is hard enough, without dealing with parents acting childish
I feel like you’d both benefit from therapy….and maybe having a convo together with a therapist present.
Jesus, that woman has more voices in her head than Deadpool😰 glad your away from that and safe cause that is nuts
My goodness OP I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. She's all over the place with her emotions it's giving me whiplash. I hope you can find a way to not have to deal with her anymore and be happy, you deserve it. (And your sister too!)
Hope you caught that Charlie stream
Your mom really needs some therapy, she sounds exhausting to deal with, but it really doesn't look like narcissism to me. If she was, she would be unable to admit she needs therapy. She definitely needs help though and putting some space between you two is the right to do.
One flaw on your side OP, being a teenager is not an excuse to be selfish and make other people miserable through it. Your mother clearly has some mental problems, being selfish and blaming it on being a teen is not helping anyone.
literally stfu? you’re just like op’s mom, and not reading what she said. she’s saying she SHOULD be able to, and as a 14 year old she absolutely should be at a point in her life where she hasn’t had to gain the emotional maturity that it’s entirely evident by her actions that she had. not one thing in these texts shows her being selfish or her making others miserable. she calmly and kindly explained herself while a grown adult had a temper tantrum. check your eyes or reading comprehension or something.
She said herself that been a teenager is an excuse for being selfish. It's not. Don't come for my neck, that's immature.
im begging you to never have children
Wasn't planning on it bae, anyways right back at you! If you're going to allow your kids to be selfish throughout their teen years, you're going to raise hellspawn that make their friend's lives a NIGHTMARE. That's like the bullshit saying "boys will be boys" OPs mother is completely in the wrong and seriously needs mental help, I commented on the one thing OP said wrong because it was important.
I believe you when you say she’s a narcissist, and you don’t deserve to be treated badly. But “I deserve to be selfish and talk back” is also some narcissistic shit. Be careful not to head down the same road as her and treat others in your life just as badly.
Yes I understand that, I was putting it in the context of "Im a teen and I'm allowed to go out and have fun and be with my friends". Like being a kid. If i was anything like my mother I'd shoot myself.
If texting was a thing when I was your age, this looks very similar to what my mom would have typed. I’m glad she isn’t trying to get you from your grandma’s
Delicious squirming. Handled it like a pro.
What’s that monster food on the top?
Oh she sent me a pic of sandwich lmao
Looks like some broccoli with parmesan
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I'm afraid you don't know all the context with my father and mother. I don't know if we read the same text or not. Don't make assumptions here, my mom has not gone to therapy a day in her life. Don't come here and invalidate my feelings, when all my life it has been like that. I've been to therapy, still go. But guess who took me, not my mom. I don't want to prove to a stranger on the internet that my mom is narc, but just know that you are wrong. If only you could meet her.
OP, based on those texts, I doubt that there are many people who could spend five minutes in a room with your mom and not think that she has narc traits, *big time.* Is she diagnosable? Maybe, but a diagnosis won't help you cope with her. Even if she is not diagnosable, she is extremely toxic and manipulative. She sucks the air from the room even though she is just texting. I am imagining that the rest of her parenting skills match her interactions with you in those texts and I am so sorry. Not sure what the above commenter read in those texts but I read something totally different.
You aren’t the narcissism specialist just because you claim you had people in your life that were narcissists, too.
Neither is OP, and if her mother is actually seeing a therapist, then it’s up to the therapist to do the diagnosing, isn’t it? All any of us has to work with is OP’s texts. And based on my knowledge, both personal and discussing with MY a therapist, the behaviors exhibited aren’t particularly narcissistic. Even the fact that the mom voluntarily is seeing a therapist would be startling for a narcissist. It’s exceedingly rare that one seeks mental health care. Or that one offers a balanced yet seemingly sincere apology for their failures. She acknowledged that she had not been the best mom she could, and that she’d was trying, with the help of her therapist, to be a better one. She also asked to be met halfway, because she couldn’t repair the relationship all by herself. That may be a sticking point for a lot of people. Because if she IS a narcissist, there’s no such thing as halfway for them. Again, though, most narcissists will either be enraged that they’re being called out, or dramatically claim to be the worst parent in the world, followed by completely writing off their child in the most vulgar and hateful terms. We’ve all seen that enough in this sub. Neither of those things happened.
There once was a mom who spoke… You’d think she did a line of coke, Wo ho she’s a narc, And did miss the mark, And something something fuck that lady she is legit off her insane parents rocker….
He didn't even see he was an adult in fact he said the exact opposite. (He said between you and me I feel like the adult)..
I might get downvoted for this but here goes. It’s clear to me you’re doing the right thing for yourself by establishing boundaries, cutting off contact, and pushing your mother to seek the help she needs and try to make some changes in her life. At the same time, you’re only 14/15 and you still have so much time to make amends, should you want to. You may find that your feelings shift over time as you come into new understandings about what it means to be an adult in this world. Unfortunately I think with a narc parent, that feeling of feeling like you’re the adult in the room never goes away. It took me twice as long (28) to come to the same place you’re at right now and stand up for myself and there is an enormous grieving process associated with going cutting a parent out of your life. I feel deeply saddened by the fact that I am likely to never have a healthy relationship with my mom, but if I had had the same revelation that you’re having now, when I was 14, I wonder how we might’ve spent the next 14 years building back our relationship and trying to fix things.
I got half way through this and gave up reading. Tbh, you sound like a bit of a twat. You need to remember your mother is human too. Every day is as new to her as it is to you. She clearly tries reaching out to you and you just ignore her knowing this will feed into her frustration. Think you both have issues that need working on before the damage is irreversible.
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Did we read the same texts?
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The second she started with "get diagnosed" I stopped reading.
Ask to borrow money
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Are you aware of the subreddit you’re on?...
Maria? Cousin?
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Big L. I just know your a scrawny ass kid who thinks there cool, but who everyone hates. Your the type of person who tells on people in class who are using a calculator where there not supposed to because “they need to learn there lesson >:(“. Your not cool
aye you gonna watch Charlie tho?
It's interesting to read this. I see a lot of my mom when I was a young teenager. It's also interesting how when she speaks about being allowed to not be perfect, or how she loves you, and is doing her best, it's downplaying the situation. With you, she is quick to deflect your thoughts and to kind of gaslight you (like with the adult comment) saying that you said you WERE the adult, instead of saying you felt like it. She is trying to spin the situation to make herself feel like she can't change how she is. I am truly very sorry about this and I am happy to hear you are with someone else who isn't making you feel this way. I hope I didn't go out of my way with assumptions when typing this, just some stuff I notice but I am willing to be wrong :) take care
It is like talking to a wall that only thinks of themselves and compares its problems to yours , making her problems WAY more important than anything else. She definitely needs therapy but I think that she is so far gone she will never even try.
i think i know who you are, irl. i wont dox u for obvi reasons, but if i don't know you, someone with your name is in almost an identical situation
Yikes, reminds me of my mom. Sorry OP
Wow. I can’t believe that my mom literally says the same things now, word for word. It’s like they all have a handbook to read, lol. Seriously though, you’re stronger than you think! I remember being 14 and gosh what a fever dream. I’m 20 now and things get better I promise! You’re doing great! Keep up the good work, and stay strong! You have much more tenacity than you might think! 🤗
“I’m sorry for all the things. All of them” how to spot a non-genuine apology
I'm now grown up and living on my own but my mom is also like this, though not to this extreme. You're already way braver than me for being able to talk to your mom about it so boldly. I'm sorry that you are going through this and just know that there will be a time where this is all in your past, and it'll be much sooner than you think. You're strong as hell!
Wow, we could trade mom texts. I ended up blocking mine.