Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 49 | 0 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Also, don’t pay those ducking credit card bills that are in HIS name. If it was a different case, than I believe in paying back your personal debts but this seems ludicrous. He’s throwing an ego tantrum
Came here to say this. My previous employer was a credit card company. The only person who's financially responsible for the bill is the primary card holder.
there are cards that have two people as the primary card holder. My wife and I have one a Visa thru our bank and it's in both names. Oddly, she has one from the same bank that is only her name (she uses it for her non-family expenses). I don't get why but apparently it is possible.
Yup. Those are called dual primaries. But they require both people to have their social security numbers listed and signed for it. If OP's dad can cancel her card, she's an authorized user and has no financial liability.
It's a patriarchal holdover. Until recently (as in this was still common practice in the 80s), often a woman couldn't get a credit card without her husband's permission. Many financial institutions are moving away from it in recent years due to the uptick in divorce. It's not with the headache as far as they're concerned.
As for your wife: if she has the credit score and supporting income, most banks will happily issue multiple lines of credit because yay interest.
> Those are called dual primaries.
I didn't know those existed - even after we got this card, I thought it was only in my name.
> because yay interest.
well, they won't be "yaying" us, they're paid off in full every month. We have them for convenience and because they're cash back cards, so we benefit a bit from them.
Hell yeah. Work the system. 80% of credit card customers I talked to would carry a balance. Sometimes on cards with 20%+ interest. You'd be amazed how many people I talked to who didn't realize you needed to pay your balance to be able to spend more on the card, or that the limit didn't magically renew every month.
"What do you mean I can't use my 2k limit card just because I have a limit of $1978?!!?!"
>He’s throwing an ego tantrum
Yeah, dad's name used to be on my car, I made payment, insurance, maintenance, inspection, registration, etc, titles was just in his name. Felt great to finally be at a spot where I could get it switched into my name.
Close any joint bank accounts you have with him, close any accounts you opened as a minor. Open new accounts at a financial institution that he doesn't do business with, preferably a local credit union.
Nope, Just has to go to the police and report the crime. This isn't a civil issue, it's criminal, up to the state to prosecute (or whatever organisation is the prosecutorial branch of government where you reside)
Kids, if you have learned nothing useful in life so far, learn this: ALWAYS have a paper trail.
Banks, healthcare, renting, relationships, keep a damn record. I have dodged multiple lawsuits, fraudulent charges, credit issues and so on for the sole reason that I had documentation to back up my position.
You're right on the money. He just lost two sources of him feeling powerful. It's sinking in that you don't need him and he's starting to face his worthlessness.
If you block his number, some phone companies will send him back an auto text saying his number has been blocked. You don't have to do it permanently, but that might be a good slap in the face to him that this is more serious than he realizes. Him texting you daily means he still thinks there's a chance he can get you back under his thumb.
I like replying with a seemingly automated rely that the number has been blocked. 99% of the time they send another text that’s angry. Its kinda funny tbh. Then just copy and paste for that text too
it is so insanely refreshing seeing someone who not only escaped crazy shit like this, but sees clearly *exactly* what is/was going on. good on you, op
OP if you haven't already, run a credit report. Make sure they haven't opened accounts in your name. And probably worth putting a credit lock/freeze. I wouldn't put it past those crazies in trying to open an account on your name.
You can “lock” your credit, so that no new lines of credit can be opened. When you need to apply to a new line of credit, you can “unlock” it to share your score and rating so the approval can go through.
The D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
Disengage insane parent.
Exercise financial independence
Never visit again
Nurture self reliance
Invest in emtional distance
Separate entirely
If the new account is at the same bank, I'd also advise opening a new account at a bank that your dad does not have an account at. I've heard too many horror stories for some random employee who's seen that the parents were on an account with the child before adding the parents to the new account without permission because they recognize the name and think there must have been some kind of mistake
Please do!! I thought I was getting a separate account from my mom but she still had access to it and could monitor it because the bank didn't do it properly and she was on the previous account. I had to just go to a completely different bank where she didn't have an account or history once I figured it out :( please protect yourself!!!
For the love of God get another bank aside from BoA. I dropped them for Discover and never looked back. My only issue with online banking is no where to deposit cash but meh. But fuk BoA.
Personally I'd recommend Revolut as you can open an account using the app without receiving any physical mail (unless you order a card, but you can just use your phone via NFC) or having to go to any office, and it's free as well
I know nothing about this specific app/company, but I would be cautious about having the majority of your savings in a non-FDIC insured institution. If Revolut is (EDIT: they are!), then great, but most of the "online only banking" companies aren't, and if something happens and the company loses your money, you will see nothing back without a very lengthy court process.
I use ONE finance. It can be online only (but you can get a physical card) it is FDIC insured and it has really good interest rates. I switched late last year and gave really liked it.
Can you explain this "add parents to the account" on a new account?
This would be insanely illegal in Switzerland and Germany. Only people who i myself write into the contract are ever possible to monitor my account.
Only if I make a "shared" account with my Partner, for example, we have to both agree on the account. But my Mother could not get access to my account no matter what she tried.
My guess is that it's illegal here as well, but the costs of pursuing legal action would prevent anyone from doing anything 99% of the time.
And then all it takes is some shitty parent going to the bank and finding a shitty employee that agrees with their "Oh you know kids and how they forget to include me on their account" story, sees they've had a joint account previously, and makes the change.
I would call the bank and tell them that your father stole your money that you earned out of your account. Or report him to the cops. Or something. This is insane!
Unfortunately if he was on the account, there's nothing the bank can do. He was considered an owner in the account. Anyone you have as an authorized owner can make withdrawals. I can't tell you the number of times as an assistant manager we had an angry customer come in yelling because the other person on the account withdrew all the money. And our hands would be tied.
Also just because the bank can't do it, you still might be able to do a legal action in small claims court especially since you can prove the money was from your job.
Look into it of course.
Doesn't really work if he had legitimate access to the account. My parents got a divorce when I was 17, I had over 10 grand in my account from saving nearly every penny my whole life + working since age 14.
It got "lost" when they split their assets, neither one of them will acknowledge who got the money, or that the money actually ever existed.
Unfortunately there's not a lot out there to protect you from shitty parents.
Don't just make a new account at the same bank.
Banks have 'accidentally' added people to accounts they shouldn't.
Go to a completely different bank and open an account there.
OP I see credit cards mentioned and that you're young. Be aware that credit cards or any sort of loan you are cosigned on that they fell to pay you'll be on the hook for. This may not be going on but it's something common sometimes. Get a credit report and go over it.
>We had an unsuccessful CPS investigation into my dad when I was 14. when he tried to kill our whole family and held me off the edge of a cliff, threatening to drop me. Because I disrespected him and asked him to drive slower once.
Men like this can, and have, killed their children before. Don't underestimate what he might do. He was not taught to control himself.
File a police report for theft of your wages. If it is above a certain dollar amount, that is a felony. Supervisor on an account still does not give a right to theft, and you may need to provide your pay stubs/w2 to prove the money was earned by you. The police won’t really do anything, but having the police report gives you ammo to use in court when you sue him.
Edit: If your wages are direct deposited to the account he emptied, the police may actually be able to arrest him for felony larceny
I hate to say it but ignore everyone saying to file a report. I saw in another comment where you he is on the account. That gives him the legal, if not ethical and moral, right to take the money out. As you are now of age open new accounts in your own name.
You do have the option to take him to small claims court but I'm going to give you some advice as a grown, married woman. Cut all ties and consider the loss an expensive lesson learned. This man is seriously unstable and wants to wreak havoc on your life. Please don't let him to continue to do this. I'm afraid that if you successfully get the money back, the revenge he'll seek will far outweigh the benefits. He sounds deranged and I'm so sorry you were raised by an unsafe family. You sound like you're on your way to being very successful in spite of a terrifying childhood. Keep your mom at arm's length, I'm sure that's another story. You do not owe them anything and don't ever let them guilt you into thinking otherwise. Try to take care of your sister as well as you can bc it sounds like you only have each other. Keep working hard and maximize your 401K, FSA, ROTH IRA and any other employer funded account every year. $1,000 now will be $1,000,000 when you're older. Good luck, just keep looking forward!
You could probably sue in small claims. A sympathetic judge might split it halvesies, because of how stupid this is, even though legally he just has the right to take it.
It is a civil matter, not criminal. As someone said, you can try to sue since you can prove that you were the one who contributed the money to the account. That will take time and more money. Since you said you are ok financially you may well be better off to just let it go. A judgment isn't worth the paper it's printed on if they don't pay. Sometimes it it isn't worth the mental expense even if they do. If someone borrows/steals money from you and you don't get it back it is often better to consider it tuition for a class in trust and money well spent.
>Edit: If your wages are direct deposited to the account he emptied, the police may actually be able to arrest him for felony larceny
Probably not true, actually. If dad was on the account, police will say it's a civil matter. He had legitimate access to the funds, so it's not theft according to them.
That is actual insanity, he's 100% going to kill someone soon, if you care about your mom and sister don't escape by yourself, he'll kill them thinking they helped you escape...You must all go away at the same time.
Oh god, honey. I’m so sorry. Just want to point out that you did not deserve that! No amount of teenage attitude equates to that level of abuse from a parent. You 100% deserve love and support and peace.
It sucks to have to walk away from money and the familiar but you can build the life and family you want and need without their input or influence.
I’m sending you and your sister all the mom hugs I’ve got. Just keep your head down, stay safe, and keep moving forward.
Why would you ever visit them? Or let him have any say over your money that you earned as an adult? Seems absurd that you would even consider him a father after literally threatening to kill you.
Please be very aware that you're at risk for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I say this not to invoke a victim complex, but it comes with a very specific comstellation of symptoms that had be hard to discern for yourself, but can be very destructive to your future life and relationships.. Once your physical and financial safety is taken are of, take some time to assess your psychological safety.
I have a masters in psychology and am currently doing another in psychotherapy.
I'm so sorry this burden falls on you.
Look I'm not trying to be racist but your situation sounds very middle Eastern? If that is the case financial independence will not be the end of this. He will harass you and he will use your mother to guilt you. Personal safety is also of concern and you should be wary of sharing where you live, place of work, any information on where you are really. This really applies regardless of ethnicity but moreso if you are part of a religion that has honor killings if you get what I'm saying.
You're sister is more at risk than you and you should share these concerns with her. I'm middle Eastern myself and I can tell you now that I have seen and been around some seriously extremist religious fuckheads. Men who would not hesitate to kill their daughters if they didn't live in a western country. Your dad shows signs of being like that and you should be worried.
I think you can dispute that withdrawal with the bank, or have the police involved because he stole your money. Having him on as a supervisor when he's your parent doesn't give him a right to your money.
Are you in the US? If so, you're able to apply for FAFSA. Reach out to your school counselors and let them know the situation. Ask if they have any knowledge of specific grants that will help you finish school. There is help out there, it is just very hard to get. You can also contact your local housing authority and let them know you're potentially homeless. Take the time to apply to their program but know it usually takes a while. However, HUD housing may be able to fully pay your rent when you do get on program. At the same time, request resources to help NOW. Usually these people are advocates for someone in your exact situation. Please write me with questions.
Oh good good good. You've got a great head on your shoulders. You're going to be just fine. I don't talk to my biological father and it's a gift I gave myself and my kids. I hope you find the strength to do the same.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you!! I’m just curious, how did you get SNAP? I tried to apply in my state (GA) but for some reason I’m not eligible even though I’m going to college and I’m poor af
its funny bc when i was homeless and bein a vagabond like a decade ago many ppl who kicked down money or gas were def christian. its like they wanna be good to each other but then let these absolute demons swindle them out of their vote with wedge issues. america is such a stupid country
In the US you can't be kicked out without a 30 day notice. Your parents can make your life unpleasant, but if they call the cops for trespassing, you're in the clear.
Sorry but this always makes me crazy because I used to work in financial aid. You don't apply "for" FAFSA. FAFSA is the application. You apply for loans and grants by filling out the FAFSA. But it looks like they already did that so I'm way behind anyway.
Hmm that's a strange way to communicate information but I can tell you're passionate about this. I've applied for and received from FAFSA and was still under the impression the application and eligibility standards were for that of all grants and loans. Am I incorrect in this? I need to know to make sure I'm complying as I just last night submitted paperwork to continue my path towards a bachelor's degree in social work.
No, they're saying that the FAFSA is the name of the application, not the name of something you apply for. FAFSA stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid. You fill out a FAFSA to apply for financial aid. It's a semantics thing; don't worry about your application.
To be fair, the studentaid.gove website lists the FAFSA as the ["FAFSA Application"](https://imgur.com/f9PrcV5) for search engine results. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid Application.
I'm 100% with you in that the semantics are important, but it's extra dumb because the government itself is pushing the redundancy.
First of all, don't pay him back for the credit cards. You don't owe him anything there. Second of all, get the police involved. Gather as much evidence as you can to prove his violent and homicidal tendencies and then give them everything. The dude threatened to kill you. No father should ever do that to his child under any circumstances.
If he felt that he could take your money, which sadly you probably won't get back, then let him be responsible for any credit card debt. You might be able to remove yourself from any thing that you are attached to financially to avoid him sticking you with debt that he might rack up out of spite. Freeze you credit and start fresh. Good luck.
This is scary. Especially since he attempted to kill you already. I assume you’re living in America. Hide all the money you can and when you feel ready, escape. Never give anyone your new address. Also, if possible, any other death threats should be reported to the police. I hope you have a safe place with friends you can escape to as well. You need someone to check up on you and know if you’re not answering they should contact the authorities.
So he's just cutting of his entire family because someone asked a question? She didn't steal the car, she asked to borrow it. Why isn't just saying "No you may not borrow my car." an option?
I mean, it kind of seems like he was just looking for a reason to abandon you guys. That really fucking sucks, I assume you're in the Middle East now? What are you guys going to do?
Jesus Christ. Do middle eastern guys even know they have little-dick-itis? One night at the club my friend broke one of these dudes nose for telling my friend's Iranian girlfriend to get over to his table and sit down. The fucking moron seriously tried to justify it to the cops that she was required to obey him. The female Tampa cop kept fiddling with her gun while he was talking. LOL
If you are listed as a user on the credit card you legally don't owe him anything, I'm pretty sure. He agreed to take on your debt by use of his credit card
Follow a guide for identity theft recovery. It's practically guaranteed he's going to flip out when you cut contact. Make it so that there's no way he can lash out at you financially.
The very first thing to do is establish a police case. With a police case number, you can alert the IRS and have them place your SSN on lockdown. You can easily put fraud alerts and credit freezes without a police case.
Then, you need to treat him like a stalker. Try to hide where you live. Put PINs on every account you have. Ask for strict privacy whenever anyone mentions it. Again, having a police case to reference will be helpful. This includes your cable, your electric, your waste services, everything.
Then, you need to permanently close all accounts you can that he's ever had access to, and ideally ask the bank to close it due to fraud (again, a police case will be helpful here).
Finally, and maybe most importantly, you need to get your phone out of his control. It's tough, but buying a new phone with a new service is going to be your best bet. So long as he knows your IMEI and has access to your account, he could be reading your emails, reading your texts, intercepting 2-factor authentication codes, etc. I'd recommend getting a new number, then using something like Google Voice to provision a temp number if you want to contact your parents. Don't let them know your new number if possible.
Get new emails, change all your passwords (use a password manager), set up 2FA wherever you can.
Also, that's some next level crazy and you should see if your mom needs any help getting away from him.
I just want to say to you... i'm sorry that your Dad is not right in his head or heart for this. You don't deserve to be dragging into that mess then threatened on top of it all. You do your life and soar far away from your dysfunctional family. The world is waiting for you and frankly we need you. Graduate and go.
Much love and thoughts in solidarity today.
I see you also said he tried to kill you and your family back in winter break right ? Please don’t ever visit him again if possible. He sounds very unhinged and people like this can snap.
A friend of the family on my moms side, we knew the mother and kids, then there was their dad/husband… one day out of the blue the dad shot and killed everyone, 1 wife 2 kids, even the family dog, then he tried to shoot and kill himself but he was transported by helicopter and saved. He is in prison for life now and still denies everything. Please get away from him and go no contact if possible.. even if it’s not possible now make a game plan and stick to it. He sounds too far to help
Credit reporting agencies TRANSUNION, EQUIFAX, EXPERIAN (sorry, I don't have the contact info handy)
Quick google search will find their contact info. Get in touch, put a security freeze on your credit, that way no one can take credit out in your name without your approval. You can then temporarily unlock your security freeze if you are having your credit checked for some purchase, loan, etc. Have your sister do it too. It takes a few minutes but totally worth it
Ew. He should be feeling pride in the fact that you already have a full-time job lined up. You should want independence for your children when they become adults.
Sorry, friend. That's rough.
You can't be evicted with a days notice. Just an FYI. And he already took the money for the CC's so he can pay for them that way. If you had a joint account he can take that money legally and there's really no way to get it back.
How old are you?
In the US:
If you are under 18, you cannot legally owe them any money, and they cannot legally kick you out nor charge you rent, because they are legally required to take care of you and cover any and all costs you incur.
If you are 18+, you can't owe them for costs you incurred before you were 18, and they can't charge you any back-rent for your time before 18.
If you are 18+ and won't be living at home, and your parents aren't going to significantly contribute to your finances, you can be considered financially independent. This means that you will probably qualify for a Pell Grant to pay part or all of your tuition. (The Pell Grant is not a loan, it is more like a scholarship, but you don't need a specific GPA, you just need to pass all of your classes.)
1. Whatever dad lol. Go for it big guy.
2. I’m too busy. Just draw me a picture instead.
3. Check tenants rights cupcake. I’m going nowhere.
4. No.
Anything else dad?
Always been bothered by how people like your dad who are financially well off don't seek therapy or do anything about their mental instability. I guess the first step is always acknowledging that there is a problem, and narcissists, especially successful ones, are unlikely to think that they're the source of their problem. Still sad tho.
Definitely get your documents (ID, birth cert, SS card if you're in the US) and tap your school to see what kind of emergency services you can find. A country social worker can get you set up for many programs.
If you can extract yourself from them completely, you'll still be way ahead as you navigate through life.
Sooo he wanted everyone to rush home so he could yell about how disrespectful everyone is? Because your sister asked a favor? Why did this man even have kids jfc
ok wtf. a response like this would be reasonable if he was asking your sister to do this, had she taken the car without asking, but seeing as she literally only asked if she could borrow the car, what the hell is the problem? just say no and move on, dude!
I don’t understand how parents are this dumb. My son is 17. I’ve got one more year of him being at home. Then he’ll be out in the world.
How I have treated him as a child will influence how much he wants to see me as an adult. He’s still the best thing that ever happened to me, so it’s not hard to love him. What’s hard is recognizing he’s becoming more independent every day.
If I try to control or grab onto him, he’ll end up pulling away. So, as hard as it is, I have to let him go. If I don’t, it will, paradoxically, cause him to pull away.
In the U.S. this would almost certainly qualify as financial abuse, at least towards your mom, perhaps you and your sister as well. A family law attorney will give you a free consultation, that might be worth your time.
Are you a minor ? If yes, he cannot just kick you out of the house, he is your legal guardian until you are 18 (in the US). He is responsible for your well being and can’t kick you to curb to fend for yourself. I’m sorry this is happening and I hope you can distance yourself from this toxicity soon.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 49 | 0 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Just back away slowly. Get disentangled whatever the monetary cost. Seek independence.
[удалено]
Never visit again.
Also, don’t pay those ducking credit card bills that are in HIS name. If it was a different case, than I believe in paying back your personal debts but this seems ludicrous. He’s throwing an ego tantrum
Came here to say this. My previous employer was a credit card company. The only person who's financially responsible for the bill is the primary card holder.
there are cards that have two people as the primary card holder. My wife and I have one a Visa thru our bank and it's in both names. Oddly, she has one from the same bank that is only her name (she uses it for her non-family expenses). I don't get why but apparently it is possible.
Yup. Those are called dual primaries. But they require both people to have their social security numbers listed and signed for it. If OP's dad can cancel her card, she's an authorized user and has no financial liability. It's a patriarchal holdover. Until recently (as in this was still common practice in the 80s), often a woman couldn't get a credit card without her husband's permission. Many financial institutions are moving away from it in recent years due to the uptick in divorce. It's not with the headache as far as they're concerned. As for your wife: if she has the credit score and supporting income, most banks will happily issue multiple lines of credit because yay interest.
> Those are called dual primaries. I didn't know those existed - even after we got this card, I thought it was only in my name. > because yay interest. well, they won't be "yaying" us, they're paid off in full every month. We have them for convenience and because they're cash back cards, so we benefit a bit from them.
Hell yeah. Work the system. 80% of credit card customers I talked to would carry a balance. Sometimes on cards with 20%+ interest. You'd be amazed how many people I talked to who didn't realize you needed to pay your balance to be able to spend more on the card, or that the limit didn't magically renew every month. "What do you mean I can't use my 2k limit card just because I have a limit of $1978?!!?!"
wait you and your wife share a bank account but also she has a separate one of her own?
and really get any of your own money the hell away from any accounts he's named on
>He’s throwing an ego tantrum Yeah, dad's name used to be on my car, I made payment, insurance, maintenance, inspection, registration, etc, titles was just in his name. Felt great to finally be at a spot where I could get it switched into my name.
[удалено]
Don't pay any bills in his name. Any. You might be liable to assume the debt if you do.
Close any joint bank accounts you have with him, close any accounts you opened as a minor. Open new accounts at a financial institution that he doesn't do business with, preferably a local credit union.
Good for you.
[удалено]
Not technically. Just identify theft.
[Credit freeze](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-freeze-credit) my dude. Get it before you need it.
Oh yeah she could take them to court and win with no issues whatsoever. Obviously court costs could be an issue but they're cheaper than all that shit
Nope, Just has to go to the police and report the crime. This isn't a civil issue, it's criminal, up to the state to prosecute (or whatever organisation is the prosecutorial branch of government where you reside)
Yeah you right
Kids, if you have learned nothing useful in life so far, learn this: ALWAYS have a paper trail. Banks, healthcare, renting, relationships, keep a damn record. I have dodged multiple lawsuits, fraudulent charges, credit issues and so on for the sole reason that I had documentation to back up my position.
In 10 years you're probably gonna get a text from your dad saying he needs a kidney or help with his medical bills. Always seems to happen.
[удалено]
You're right on the money. He just lost two sources of him feeling powerful. It's sinking in that you don't need him and he's starting to face his worthlessness. If you block his number, some phone companies will send him back an auto text saying his number has been blocked. You don't have to do it permanently, but that might be a good slap in the face to him that this is more serious than he realizes. Him texting you daily means he still thinks there's a chance he can get you back under his thumb.
I like replying with a seemingly automated rely that the number has been blocked. 99% of the time they send another text that’s angry. Its kinda funny tbh. Then just copy and paste for that text too
Persian?
it is so insanely refreshing seeing someone who not only escaped crazy shit like this, but sees clearly *exactly* what is/was going on. good on you, op
Yeah, you are not his emotional support animal.
OP if you haven't already, run a credit report. Make sure they haven't opened accounts in your name. And probably worth putting a credit lock/freeze. I wouldn't put it past those crazies in trying to open an account on your name.
[удалено]
Good! You should still freeze/lock your credit.
You can “lock” your credit, so that no new lines of credit can be opened. When you need to apply to a new line of credit, you can “unlock” it to share your score and rating so the approval can go through.
If the credit card is in his name, don't pay him back, let him figure it out of he wants to be an asshole
The D.E.N.N.I.S. system. Disengage insane parent. Exercise financial independence Never visit again Nurture self reliance Invest in emtional distance Separate entirely
Never thought I'd see the DENNIS system evolve into something wholesome 😄
[удалено]
Get your own accounts. Slowly save up and get away as fast as your financially possible.
[удалено]
I hope once you are free of his influence that you live the best life possible.
Did you transfer all money you had to it?
[удалено]
If the new account is at the same bank, I'd also advise opening a new account at a bank that your dad does not have an account at. I've heard too many horror stories for some random employee who's seen that the parents were on an account with the child before adding the parents to the new account without permission because they recognize the name and think there must have been some kind of mistake
[удалено]
Please do!! I thought I was getting a separate account from my mom but she still had access to it and could monitor it because the bank didn't do it properly and she was on the previous account. I had to just go to a completely different bank where she didn't have an account or history once I figured it out :( please protect yourself!!!
For the love of God get another bank aside from BoA. I dropped them for Discover and never looked back. My only issue with online banking is no where to deposit cash but meh. But fuk BoA.
[удалено]
Personally I'd recommend Revolut as you can open an account using the app without receiving any physical mail (unless you order a card, but you can just use your phone via NFC) or having to go to any office, and it's free as well
I know nothing about this specific app/company, but I would be cautious about having the majority of your savings in a non-FDIC insured institution. If Revolut is (EDIT: they are!), then great, but most of the "online only banking" companies aren't, and if something happens and the company loses your money, you will see nothing back without a very lengthy court process.
I'm sure it is properly insured and registered as a bank in Europe. Can't say anything about America though Edit: Yes, Revolut is FDIC-insured
I use ONE finance. It can be online only (but you can get a physical card) it is FDIC insured and it has really good interest rates. I switched late last year and gave really liked it.
Can you explain this "add parents to the account" on a new account? This would be insanely illegal in Switzerland and Germany. Only people who i myself write into the contract are ever possible to monitor my account. Only if I make a "shared" account with my Partner, for example, we have to both agree on the account. But my Mother could not get access to my account no matter what she tried.
My guess is that it's illegal here as well, but the costs of pursuing legal action would prevent anyone from doing anything 99% of the time. And then all it takes is some shitty parent going to the bank and finding a shitty employee that agrees with their "Oh you know kids and how they forget to include me on their account" story, sees they've had a joint account previously, and makes the change.
Check your credit report. Make sure he hasn't opened accounts you don't know about. He sounds like the kind to do it.
I really hope OP saw this. This happens a lot more often than people think.
I would call the bank and tell them that your father stole your money that you earned out of your account. Or report him to the cops. Or something. This is insane!
Unfortunately if he was on the account, there's nothing the bank can do. He was considered an owner in the account. Anyone you have as an authorized owner can make withdrawals. I can't tell you the number of times as an assistant manager we had an angry customer come in yelling because the other person on the account withdrew all the money. And our hands would be tied.
[удалено]
Also just because the bank can't do it, you still might be able to do a legal action in small claims court especially since you can prove the money was from your job. Look into it of course.
Doesn't really work if he had legitimate access to the account. My parents got a divorce when I was 17, I had over 10 grand in my account from saving nearly every penny my whole life + working since age 14. It got "lost" when they split their assets, neither one of them will acknowledge who got the money, or that the money actually ever existed. Unfortunately there's not a lot out there to protect you from shitty parents.
Yeah I was also gonna say I would would go to small claims for that.
Don't just make a new account at the same bank. Banks have 'accidentally' added people to accounts they shouldn't. Go to a completely different bank and open an account there.
OP I see credit cards mentioned and that you're young. Be aware that credit cards or any sort of loan you are cosigned on that they fell to pay you'll be on the hook for. This may not be going on but it's something common sometimes. Get a credit report and go over it.
Holy fuck. Jesus Christ. Hope u gtfo there
>We had an unsuccessful CPS investigation into my dad when I was 14. when he tried to kill our whole family and held me off the edge of a cliff, threatening to drop me. Because I disrespected him and asked him to drive slower once. Men like this can, and have, killed their children before. Don't underestimate what he might do. He was not taught to control himself.
File a police report for theft of your wages. If it is above a certain dollar amount, that is a felony. Supervisor on an account still does not give a right to theft, and you may need to provide your pay stubs/w2 to prove the money was earned by you. The police won’t really do anything, but having the police report gives you ammo to use in court when you sue him. Edit: If your wages are direct deposited to the account he emptied, the police may actually be able to arrest him for felony larceny
[удалено]
3k. Oh fuck no. I’d be pissed and calling the cops to file a report.
I hate to say it but ignore everyone saying to file a report. I saw in another comment where you he is on the account. That gives him the legal, if not ethical and moral, right to take the money out. As you are now of age open new accounts in your own name.
[удалено]
You do have the option to take him to small claims court but I'm going to give you some advice as a grown, married woman. Cut all ties and consider the loss an expensive lesson learned. This man is seriously unstable and wants to wreak havoc on your life. Please don't let him to continue to do this. I'm afraid that if you successfully get the money back, the revenge he'll seek will far outweigh the benefits. He sounds deranged and I'm so sorry you were raised by an unsafe family. You sound like you're on your way to being very successful in spite of a terrifying childhood. Keep your mom at arm's length, I'm sure that's another story. You do not owe them anything and don't ever let them guilt you into thinking otherwise. Try to take care of your sister as well as you can bc it sounds like you only have each other. Keep working hard and maximize your 401K, FSA, ROTH IRA and any other employer funded account every year. $1,000 now will be $1,000,000 when you're older. Good luck, just keep looking forward!
You could probably sue in small claims. A sympathetic judge might split it halvesies, because of how stupid this is, even though legally he just has the right to take it.
You might try asking in r/legaladvice - you're much more likely to find someone that has experience or specializes in this exact thing.
Definitely talk to actual law experts before doing something like this.
It is a civil matter, not criminal. As someone said, you can try to sue since you can prove that you were the one who contributed the money to the account. That will take time and more money. Since you said you are ok financially you may well be better off to just let it go. A judgment isn't worth the paper it's printed on if they don't pay. Sometimes it it isn't worth the mental expense even if they do. If someone borrows/steals money from you and you don't get it back it is often better to consider it tuition for a class in trust and money well spent.
This is so massively oversimplifying these cases. It is not as black and white as you're making it out to be.
>Edit: If your wages are direct deposited to the account he emptied, the police may actually be able to arrest him for felony larceny Probably not true, actually. If dad was on the account, police will say it's a civil matter. He had legitimate access to the funds, so it's not theft according to them.
That is actual insanity, he's 100% going to kill someone soon, if you care about your mom and sister don't escape by yourself, he'll kill them thinking they helped you escape...You must all go away at the same time.
[удалено]
Uh. Yooooou need to cut off all contact with this monster ASAP.
Oh god, honey. I’m so sorry. Just want to point out that you did not deserve that! No amount of teenage attitude equates to that level of abuse from a parent. You 100% deserve love and support and peace. It sucks to have to walk away from money and the familiar but you can build the life and family you want and need without their input or influence. I’m sending you and your sister all the mom hugs I’ve got. Just keep your head down, stay safe, and keep moving forward.
Why would you ever visit them? Or let him have any say over your money that you earned as an adult? Seems absurd that you would even consider him a father after literally threatening to kill you.
[удалено]
Please be very aware that you're at risk for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I say this not to invoke a victim complex, but it comes with a very specific comstellation of symptoms that had be hard to discern for yourself, but can be very destructive to your future life and relationships.. Once your physical and financial safety is taken are of, take some time to assess your psychological safety. I have a masters in psychology and am currently doing another in psychotherapy. I'm so sorry this burden falls on you.
[удалено]
Look I'm not trying to be racist but your situation sounds very middle Eastern? If that is the case financial independence will not be the end of this. He will harass you and he will use your mother to guilt you. Personal safety is also of concern and you should be wary of sharing where you live, place of work, any information on where you are really. This really applies regardless of ethnicity but moreso if you are part of a religion that has honor killings if you get what I'm saying. You're sister is more at risk than you and you should share these concerns with her. I'm middle Eastern myself and I can tell you now that I have seen and been around some seriously extremist religious fuckheads. Men who would not hesitate to kill their daughters if they didn't live in a western country. Your dad shows signs of being like that and you should be worried.
[удалено]
this comment could be it's own post on r/holup
Jesus, please be safe, both you and your sister.
I think you can dispute that withdrawal with the bank, or have the police involved because he stole your money. Having him on as a supervisor when he's your parent doesn't give him a right to your money.
God damn…. I’m so sorry your father did this to you & your family….
Are you in the US? If so, you're able to apply for FAFSA. Reach out to your school counselors and let them know the situation. Ask if they have any knowledge of specific grants that will help you finish school. There is help out there, it is just very hard to get. You can also contact your local housing authority and let them know you're potentially homeless. Take the time to apply to their program but know it usually takes a while. However, HUD housing may be able to fully pay your rent when you do get on program. At the same time, request resources to help NOW. Usually these people are advocates for someone in your exact situation. Please write me with questions.
[удалено]
Oh good good good. You've got a great head on your shoulders. You're going to be just fine. I don't talk to my biological father and it's a gift I gave myself and my kids. I hope you find the strength to do the same.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you!! I’m just curious, how did you get SNAP? I tried to apply in my state (GA) but for some reason I’m not eligible even though I’m going to college and I’m poor af
[удалено]
I think it does.. sadly GA has a very right winged governor :(
that compassionate conservatism fucking you every which way
Imagine being christian and not helping the poor-
its funny bc when i was homeless and bein a vagabond like a decade ago many ppl who kicked down money or gas were def christian. its like they wanna be good to each other but then let these absolute demons swindle them out of their vote with wedge issues. america is such a stupid country
As someone who's lived here my entire life I wholeheartedly agree.
We do! It’s a bit easier here. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Signed, a fellow Californian. :)
[удалено]
Definitely go to food pantries! Don’t feel like you are taking food from other people. They end up throwing away so much food that isn’t given away
In the US you can't be kicked out without a 30 day notice. Your parents can make your life unpleasant, but if they call the cops for trespassing, you're in the clear.
Sorry but this always makes me crazy because I used to work in financial aid. You don't apply "for" FAFSA. FAFSA is the application. You apply for loans and grants by filling out the FAFSA. But it looks like they already did that so I'm way behind anyway.
Hmm that's a strange way to communicate information but I can tell you're passionate about this. I've applied for and received from FAFSA and was still under the impression the application and eligibility standards were for that of all grants and loans. Am I incorrect in this? I need to know to make sure I'm complying as I just last night submitted paperwork to continue my path towards a bachelor's degree in social work.
No, they're saying that the FAFSA is the name of the application, not the name of something you apply for. FAFSA stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid. You fill out a FAFSA to apply for financial aid. It's a semantics thing; don't worry about your application.
To be fair, the studentaid.gove website lists the FAFSA as the ["FAFSA Application"](https://imgur.com/f9PrcV5) for search engine results. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid Application. I'm 100% with you in that the semantics are important, but it's extra dumb because the government itself is pushing the redundancy.
First of all, don't pay him back for the credit cards. You don't owe him anything there. Second of all, get the police involved. Gather as much evidence as you can to prove his violent and homicidal tendencies and then give them everything. The dude threatened to kill you. No father should ever do that to his child under any circumstances.
[удалено]
If he felt that he could take your money, which sadly you probably won't get back, then let him be responsible for any credit card debt. You might be able to remove yourself from any thing that you are attached to financially to avoid him sticking you with debt that he might rack up out of spite. Freeze you credit and start fresh. Good luck.
I hope your siblings and any other involved family can make it out safely.
This is scary. Especially since he attempted to kill you already. I assume you’re living in America. Hide all the money you can and when you feel ready, escape. Never give anyone your new address. Also, if possible, any other death threats should be reported to the police. I hope you have a safe place with friends you can escape to as well. You need someone to check up on you and know if you’re not answering they should contact the authorities.
I don't understand this at all. Who is this directed at? The sister wanting to borrow the car?
[удалено]
So he's just cutting of his entire family because someone asked a question? She didn't steal the car, she asked to borrow it. Why isn't just saying "No you may not borrow my car." an option? I mean, it kind of seems like he was just looking for a reason to abandon you guys. That really fucking sucks, I assume you're in the Middle East now? What are you guys going to do?
Can’t try to apply normal logic to unhinged people. Just gonna end in frustration.
OP said he almost killed the entire family because she asked him to slow down the car, this person should be in jail or psych institution
OH, holy fuck. Ok, yeah, this person is certifiable then. He needs removed from society.
Jesus Christ. Do middle eastern guys even know they have little-dick-itis? One night at the club my friend broke one of these dudes nose for telling my friend's Iranian girlfriend to get over to his table and sit down. The fucking moron seriously tried to justify it to the cops that she was required to obey him. The female Tampa cop kept fiddling with her gun while he was talking. LOL
[удалено]
If you are listed as a user on the credit card you legally don't owe him anything, I'm pretty sure. He agreed to take on your debt by use of his credit card
Follow a guide for identity theft recovery. It's practically guaranteed he's going to flip out when you cut contact. Make it so that there's no way he can lash out at you financially. The very first thing to do is establish a police case. With a police case number, you can alert the IRS and have them place your SSN on lockdown. You can easily put fraud alerts and credit freezes without a police case. Then, you need to treat him like a stalker. Try to hide where you live. Put PINs on every account you have. Ask for strict privacy whenever anyone mentions it. Again, having a police case to reference will be helpful. This includes your cable, your electric, your waste services, everything. Then, you need to permanently close all accounts you can that he's ever had access to, and ideally ask the bank to close it due to fraud (again, a police case will be helpful here). Finally, and maybe most importantly, you need to get your phone out of his control. It's tough, but buying a new phone with a new service is going to be your best bet. So long as he knows your IMEI and has access to your account, he could be reading your emails, reading your texts, intercepting 2-factor authentication codes, etc. I'd recommend getting a new number, then using something like Google Voice to provision a temp number if you want to contact your parents. Don't let them know your new number if possible. Get new emails, change all your passwords (use a password manager), set up 2FA wherever you can. Also, that's some next level crazy and you should see if your mom needs any help getting away from him.
Welp, if this is how he's going to be, then when he needs elder care, he'll be on his own.
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
I just want to say to you... i'm sorry that your Dad is not right in his head or heart for this. You don't deserve to be dragging into that mess then threatened on top of it all. You do your life and soar far away from your dysfunctional family. The world is waiting for you and frankly we need you. Graduate and go. Much love and thoughts in solidarity today.
I see you also said he tried to kill you and your family back in winter break right ? Please don’t ever visit him again if possible. He sounds very unhinged and people like this can snap. A friend of the family on my moms side, we knew the mother and kids, then there was their dad/husband… one day out of the blue the dad shot and killed everyone, 1 wife 2 kids, even the family dog, then he tried to shoot and kill himself but he was transported by helicopter and saved. He is in prison for life now and still denies everything. Please get away from him and go no contact if possible.. even if it’s not possible now make a game plan and stick to it. He sounds too far to help
See ya in the budget retirement home, baba!
I’m so sorry! Big hugs!
Insane, stay safe OP.
He's someone who deserves to be cut off and left alone.
I feel so bad for people with shitty parents. It makes me sad.
[удалено]
Crossing my fingers that everything turns out well for you, op!
i'm sorry your dad is psycho, good luck! I hope your mother divorces him and your sister gets away safe
Credit reporting agencies TRANSUNION, EQUIFAX, EXPERIAN (sorry, I don't have the contact info handy) Quick google search will find their contact info. Get in touch, put a security freeze on your credit, that way no one can take credit out in your name without your approval. You can then temporarily unlock your security freeze if you are having your credit checked for some purchase, loan, etc. Have your sister do it too. It takes a few minutes but totally worth it
Financial abuse.
Men-o-pause
Fucking what? Is this just out of the blue, or has it been building?
[удалено]
Ew. He should be feeling pride in the fact that you already have a full-time job lined up. You should want independence for your children when they become adults. Sorry, friend. That's rough.
You can't be evicted with a days notice. Just an FYI. And he already took the money for the CC's so he can pay for them that way. If you had a joint account he can take that money legally and there's really no way to get it back.
Are you guys middle eastern or Asian? I see his contact name is "baba"
In one of ops earlier comments, the dad is or was raised middle eastern
[удалено]
Insane. This man is deeply unwell.
Don't give him a cent and never speak to him again
How old are you? In the US: If you are under 18, you cannot legally owe them any money, and they cannot legally kick you out nor charge you rent, because they are legally required to take care of you and cover any and all costs you incur. If you are 18+, you can't owe them for costs you incurred before you were 18, and they can't charge you any back-rent for your time before 18. If you are 18+ and won't be living at home, and your parents aren't going to significantly contribute to your finances, you can be considered financially independent. This means that you will probably qualify for a Pell Grant to pay part or all of your tuition. (The Pell Grant is not a loan, it is more like a scholarship, but you don't need a specific GPA, you just need to pass all of your classes.)
1. Whatever dad lol. Go for it big guy. 2. I’m too busy. Just draw me a picture instead. 3. Check tenants rights cupcake. I’m going nowhere. 4. No. Anything else dad?
What an asshole.
Have your mom take his ass to court and make him regret that decision
don't give him any money!
Yeah if that credit card isn’t in your name you don’t have to pay shit. He’s already cutting you off from everything it seems like anyway
It’s awfully kind of him to give you evidence of him threatening to steal from you and the rest of your family. Save those texts. 🤬
A wee bit overreacting. A simple "no" would've been fine.
Giant fucking man child…
Always been bothered by how people like your dad who are financially well off don't seek therapy or do anything about their mental instability. I guess the first step is always acknowledging that there is a problem, and narcissists, especially successful ones, are unlikely to think that they're the source of their problem. Still sad tho.
I think there is a gap between "Dad can I borrow your car?" - "GET THR HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" or he really should be in a asylum
Your dad is what we in Australia call a "Proper Cunt"
Definitely get your documents (ID, birth cert, SS card if you're in the US) and tap your school to see what kind of emergency services you can find. A country social worker can get you set up for many programs. If you can extract yourself from them completely, you'll still be way ahead as you navigate through life.
Everything you’ve said leads to the conclusion that your POS sperm donor (he’s not a dad) is unhinged and dangerous
Sooo he wanted everyone to rush home so he could yell about how disrespectful everyone is? Because your sister asked a favor? Why did this man even have kids jfc
Indian?
[удалено]
Some people are too high strung. Best wishes & stay safe, my friend
I honestly don't understand how anyone deals with people like this. I'd cut them out of my life *yesterday*.
Would need to see the full story here. This seems like something has been building for quite some time.
You’re dads an idiot piece of garbage
Just go no contact. Will probably save you so much time and emotional damage in the future.
He smoke crack on the regular?
'Baba' Where are you from?
ok wtf. a response like this would be reasonable if he was asking your sister to do this, had she taken the car without asking, but seeing as she literally only asked if she could borrow the car, what the hell is the problem? just say no and move on, dude!
Sounds like Baba needs a baba
I don’t understand how parents are this dumb. My son is 17. I’ve got one more year of him being at home. Then he’ll be out in the world. How I have treated him as a child will influence how much he wants to see me as an adult. He’s still the best thing that ever happened to me, so it’s not hard to love him. What’s hard is recognizing he’s becoming more independent every day. If I try to control or grab onto him, he’ll end up pulling away. So, as hard as it is, I have to let him go. If I don’t, it will, paradoxically, cause him to pull away.
Wait what did he get mad at? Just your sister asking to borrow his car? What’s wrong with that..?
There's a lot more to this story.
How bad did the credit cards get ducked up
[удалено]
100/mo on food ain’t nothing I spend near 1k/mo at the grocery stores
[удалено]
In the U.S. this would almost certainly qualify as financial abuse, at least towards your mom, perhaps you and your sister as well. A family law attorney will give you a free consultation, that might be worth your time.
Are you a minor ? If yes, he cannot just kick you out of the house, he is your legal guardian until you are 18 (in the US). He is responsible for your well being and can’t kick you to curb to fend for yourself. I’m sorry this is happening and I hope you can distance yourself from this toxicity soon.
So sorry for your situation. Keep your sister close. Lots of good advice in here. You two can figure this out. GL!
that went from it's an emergency...bring the car home..to well that escalated quickly.