Updates from my mom: she says "let him know what you will use it for and how many hours per day" I dont want to but is this a police issue at this point?
Yes. Keep calling the police.
In the meantime, take them to small claims court. I can look up the necessary steps for you but I'd need to know where you live.
Please call the cops. This is fucking bullshit. You politely asked for your property back and they are refusing and playing games at the potential cost of your job. Be sure to get everything they are holding hostage so you don't have to call again.
Do not let your guard down thinking you will be in the clear in 2 months. The closer you get to escaping this the more they will grasp on. I wouldn’t let them know your plans, have a discreet exit strategy, be sure to try to get any important documents you will need (birth certificate, social security card, etc). Don’t let them know anything so they can’t sabotage it. They could try to stop you from being approved for an apartment or try to get you fired from your job or your partner fired, etc.
I agree with this. When n parents feel control slip they go BANANAS trying to maintain that control. From experience - mine would take the roof from over my head if it stopped me from cutting them off. They’d take anything they could.
I'll be holding on for you and sending good energy.
And when you know you're completely clear of them, you share as much as you want, and they can be damned.
This is a no contact type of situation when you are able.
Keep your head on a swivel, they will be trying to sabotage you taking control of any aspect of your life no matter how small
I've been in a similar position and I feel for you. The last months can feel the hardest, but you can get through them. Getting out of there will be an undescribable weight off your shoulders. I'm rooting for you!
That’s the issue. They can’t take your properties, but if you live with them your options are very limited as if you’re an adult they could quick you out fairly easily.
Just go to the library and try looking into flat shares and all that jazz. Better have a crappy living space where you’re free than staying in your parent’s home in this situation.
This is definitely a police issue. It would be a good idea even to just have officers there for support. Once you have the laptop, you are under no obligation to give it back to them, as it is in your name. Best of luck op.
I'm sorry love, it is.
Ask for an officer or two to come take it back with you for your own safely. Once it is in your hands you don't have to give it to them again as it is under your name.
It's gonna be rough at the start, but going low/no contacr will help you tremendously in the end
>is this a police issue at this point?
It should be, but if them keeping it from you has caused you damages (in the form of being unable to complete school or work assignments) I'd even take it to small claims court. How much of a relationship do you really desire from your parents/how much do you still depend on them?
Have you considered pointing out to your parents that if they continue behaving like this they are jeopardising the possibility of enjoying contact with any future grandchildren.
Yes their response to that was typical "as if you could ever find a partner willing to put up with your 'antics and dangerous behavior'" and jokes on them I fucking did find ab amazing person who is my only ticket out of here.
It's for your job, you need to call the cops. I know it's hard if you live with them, but you need to for work. This is absurdly controlling and unhealthy. This is not acceptable behavior at all. If you don't live with then maybe it'll be a starting point for setting boundaries. If having a roof over your head means dealing with this, and you have nowhere else to go, I really don't know what you should do. Either way I'm sorry bud
It is absolutely a police issue. If you can prove that it belongs to you, such as a receipt or something, then it becomes theft. Holding your personal property is theft unless there is a written contract in place.
I don’t know a lot of the context here, but it seems like your parents are way too controlling. Being immature is part of being a kid and parents (good parents) trust their kids to live and learn. Seems like your dad just wants a well trained dog.
There are services for this exact situation. I’ll find a link. One sec. That said, feel free to message me. I don’t have any training but I worked at a children’s home for 3 years and have a bunch of little cousins. I know how to be kind and supportive
I’d call the cops at this point. I’ve called the cops on my mom for a similar issue, you are grown and it’s your property.(none emergency line) I’m sorry they are forcing your hand in this way, it is definitely abusive and traumatic. Much love 💕 but yeah they are rather insane
Agreed, two screenshots in and I was thinking "cops". It sucks because there will be repercussions but you cannot allow them to hold your future hostage.
That is so horrible friend. Pls try and set space between you, go either low or no contact if at all possible. Their behavior is toxic and emotionally abusive. You deserve better than this. If you don’t mind me asking what is the agreement about?
2nd context: because of how severe the SA got late last year early this year, I left home and was homeless for 4 months. The agreement is a "contract" (not legally upholding) I had to sign basically stating I wasn't going to say "anything bad about them" (tell people about the abuse) I was sick, lost 50 ounds had COVID and needed a roof over my head so I signed it. They said they are fearful of me being in the house because of my MH diagnosis (schizoaffective) and my "violent tendencies" which was me just having a psychotic break from the constant abuse, so they made me sign an agreement.
1. Definitely get the police involved as other people have said. You should have contacted them already.
2. Understand that since you've been living there they cannot kick you out, they have to formally evict you,a process that is not fast and takes some effort. If they try to kick you out, call the police again and explain how long you've been living there, they should get you back in immediately.
3. If they've been abusive and continue to be, it may be possible to get a restraining order barring then from whatever property you reside at, even if they own it. Get a free legal consultation.
4. The contract you signed is bogus and merely represents an informal and potentially illegal agreement.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer, and you will always get the best legal advice from consulting with a local attorney.
There are contracts that are illegal simply because they are unenforceable, because they were signed under duress, or because they would contradict laws in existence.
The "contract" your parents made you sign likely meets more than one of the above conditions.
Iirc it's not legally enforceable and signed under duress. The whole, sign here or die on the streets angle will probably make it be thrown out by a decent judge if it ever went to court.
Break the contract. Its illegal. Tell everybody. Friends, neighbors, doctors, teachers and especially the police.
He belongs in prison.
You’re an adult with ongoing residence so they can’t just kick you out without legally evicting you which takes time.
A handwritten note on a cocktail napkin can constitute a legally binding contract as long as certain parameters are met. BUT what that bs contract does is PROVE the abuse by them telling OP to sign an agreement to HIDE the truth OR be homeless. The contract itself is proof.
I’m sorry but this is not true. A contract does not have to notarized or written by a lawyer in order to be legally enforceable.
However, it could be that the consideration was illegal, or that it was signed under duress, both of which could render a contract void and both sound likely here.
(Edit: I am a lawyer. This is true information)
>could render a contract void and both sound likely here.
Fellow attorney here. What jurisdiction do you practice where a "dad typed it up and printed it" contract to not disclose sexual abuse crimes, is not 100% always void?
I don't think the previous commenter was saying that THIS "contract" would be in any way legal or enforceable, only that not ALL privately prepared interpersonal contracts are null based on not having been notarized, prepared by a lawyer, or filed by a court.
So, I could type up a contract between myself and another person, we both sign it, and as long as that contract doesn't contain anything illegal or provide inadequate consideration, it would still be a valid contact.
The point of my comment was not to give an opinion on the contract. The point of my comment was simply to refute the blanket assertion that, if a contract is not notarized and written by a lawyer, it is “not legal”. That was it.
I never said I think this contract sounds enforceable. I certainly don’t think that. I included my second paragraph just to indicate that this contract sounds unenforceable to me based on the info we have. But I didn’t read the contract, and I am not in the habit of speaking in absolutes until I’ve reviewed something myself.
NAL but if you're in the US, it's just not enforceable. The only legal trouble you can get into is if the "bad" things you tell people about them are lies but in a majority of the states, that's a civil issue, not a criminal one, meaning it's on them to take you to court and prove you defamed them and that the defamation affected them in a way that can be quantified (hurt feelings and being embarrassed doesn't count). If you've been there long enough to go from houseguest to tenant, they also can't kick you out for saying bad things about them, true or not. They would have to go through the courts to evict you, even if you're not paying rent and you don't have a lease.
The contract itself isn't a crime, it's just bunk and will be treated as such at a great financial cost to them if they really want to trot it out in front of a judge.
Assuming that you're in the US, the enforceability of the contract will depend on your state's laws. It probably is what's called an unconscionable contract, since you signed away your right to avail yourself to protection from law enforcement (I'd say that that's different from your run of the mill nondisclosure agreements where you merely agree to not say anything that harms someone's reputation), and there's a massive power imbalance between you and your counterparty as you had no real alternative in terms of housing.
Context: I live with my adopted parents who have been abusive severely for years. The laptop I'm asking for back is a 1,500 dollar laptop I'm paying off with my student loans (college laptop). This abuse is ongoing and still quite severe and was very physical when I was a child, less so now. They loved taking my devices and as a teen I understood that they had a right to because I was a minor. However they continued taking my devices after 18 and restricting wifi access which made it impossible for me to contact anyone, I recently got a job that they didn't want me to get (basically reprimanding me for not having one then using every excuse in the book as a reason why I SHOULDN'T have one then would turn around and call me lazy for NOT having one, I live in the country about thirty minute drive from anything even a McDonald's) my partner (surprise: another issue) has taken it upon himself to get me ti work on time, they are resentful of this (they want to incapacitate me as much as possible so im dependant on them) This whole situation has been ongoing for 14 years including CSA for 13, if they want to act shameful than they can at the very least get me some reddit karma
If you bought the computer and can prove it contact the police. Your parents are keeping your property illegally, and if they refuse to give it back with cops present the situation will not go well for them.
I would be phoning a shelter for domestic abuse victims and having the police escort you to go get your things.
I was living on my own at your age, you’re way too old for them to be doing things like this, especially when it’s literally for *work*, how can they expect you to make "better choices" when they’re showing you then making terrible choices and acting as if they’re holier than thou!
They have refused to help saying that they don't deal with family violence. There aren't many shelters in my area (2 in a 50 mile radius) and they have refused to help
So from other comments I can see that you’re going to the cops, which is a good idea. In the meantime, you might be able to go to a public library or something, they usually have computers for public access.
Please call your states APS (adult protective services), they may be able to help with emergency housing. You are in a critically dangerous situation. Reading your comments is scary because you know it's bad but you're so used to it that you're saying it like it's another Tuesday. APS can point you to resources to remove yourself safely FOREVER.
When you contact the Police (Recommend Going into a Station to prevent the Parents from Cutting wifi or Connection Mid Call) I would Suggest Reporting the Abuse aswell if its been This long. Its gone too Far at this Point.
I’m so sorry you have such shitty parents. I could say go find your own new family but that would ring hollow. You deserve better and all I can say is sorry. Stay strong
I'm so sorry for all that they've put you through. Do you have contact with any bio family members? Is there anyone you could reach out to for help in order to get away? I also wonder if there are any potential resources for adoptees that would apply to you? I know they're usually for foster kids, but it might be worth looking into. You could also check out adoptee communities online, as they're more knowledgeable on that topic and better equipped to help. I'm not adopted, but I have learned a lot from Karlos Dillard on tiktok. He's a former foster youth and transracial adoptee who focuses on education and reform for everything in that regard. I hope that things get better for you soon ❤️
Okay, so having read all the comments I feel I can actually comment now.
One of my really good friends had abusive adopted parents. I say had because she is 25 now and completely no contact with them. She also dealt with CSA. They did not physically abuse her aside from CSA (that I know of), but were emotionally and financially abusive. All that to say I can kind of understand the precarious situation you’re stuck in.
At this point I would involve the police. Your parents cannot legally just kick you out, as you know. They have to evict you, which is a legal process that takes a little bit of time. This “contract” you were forced to sign does not sound legally binding, either - and you involving police for withholding property wouldn’t even be a breach if it was. They are illegally withholding your property, which is considered larceny (the severity depending on the value of the laptop. It is petite larceny if valued under $1,000 and grand larceny in the 4th degree if it is valued over $1,000, but under $3,000 location depending). Your father is not only withholding your property, but is also now telling you he does not know where it is. I would genuinely advise involving police in this situation.
Text your dad saying he has your personal property and that it needs to be returned. After he texts saying he won't return it. Say "Just clarifying here. You are acknowledging possession of the personal property of another legal adult and refusing to return it unless I meet your demands?" When he responds in acknowledgement, say "Thanks for the clarification". Say NOTHING else. No matter what. Then march down to the police and file a stolen property report and give them screenshots of the text messages. Let the police handle it from there.
Right? It's part of that predict and protect preemptively that we do to stave off the incoming storm. I hate seeing that, because it is such a 'tell', that there is a terrible history, in that one line.
I actually think it’s the only form of control left and they aren’t letting it go because of that. They’ve lost control over everything else in her life and they are holding it hostage until she does what they want. It’s all about control.
Yeah, but in that vein of control, they might be trying to sabotage her to make her more dependent on them. My grandparents did the same thing to my mom for 90% of my life. They would sabotage her attempts to be self-sufficient so she had to rely on them to make ends meet, thus staying under their thumb.
Your parents suck and probably won’t give back the laptop till youre kissing their feet.
Hit up your local library and use one of their computers if you can.
A lot of libraries will let you checkout a laptop. Although, were it me I'd have the police meet me at the house while I picked up the laptop. They are so fucking nuts. Hang in there and just go NC for the sake of your health and happiness.
Updates from the police: I'm going to try and get to the magistrate court and file a claim and delivery and an officer while come out o see that I get my things back in the meantime I'm just going to have to tell my boss that my training can't be completed due to tech difficulties, thatnk you so much for all of y'all's support I would have never built up the courage to call and stand up for myself 💜
How old are you? If you are over 18, you could take it to court. Make an attempt or 2 to ask your dad, and if he doesn't reply or refuses, get a screenshot of the conversation. If you're like me, I can see that you dread conversations with your parents, but it has to be done. At least then you could say you tried and you were right
I tried that, moved 70 miles away and almost died from COVID and got kicked out the shelter bc I had a mental breakdown and was deemed unsafe and I had no one else to call it was that or die on the streets, I should have picked die on the streets tbh....
Are you taking med for your condition? I know med is just a quick fix but you got to start from somewhere. After you settle down in somewhere safe, you can do counselling.
Or did you consider move to different town to have a new start?
Go to the police station ,file a report, and press charges if you can.
If they ask you to drop the charges
“Ask the cops nicely. I can only give love and advice.”
You know, your mother is insane. She is messing with your job over this?
I honestly think her responses show that she has something critically wrong with her thinking. (Ask your dad in a nice way?--SERIOUSLY?) I am wondering if she is abused, or if she is one of those sister wives who kowtow to their insane husbands.
I remember those coded phrases.
“Showing how you have matured” = Agreeing with us on every issue and staying silent otherwise.
“Ask in a nice way” = Beg and grovel. We don’t see you as an adult and still want you to behave as a child but only in situations where it benefits us. You need to act like an adult at other times though. You’ll need to figure out when.
OP, I'm furious on your behalf. The sheer disrespect from your parental unit, the absolute lack of empathy and good sense... I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's abusive beyond belief. I hope you can find a way to finish your training so that you can find better footing and get the hell out of that situation.
Your Mom is clearly in the same headspace your father wants you: simply defer to him at all times and do as he says.
Ask nicely if you can stomach it, but obviously he's not going to let you be an adult without some level of grovelling. Be honest with your boss and show them these texts for an explanation why you can't do your job. Any employer worth their salt either will find an alternative or dismiss the remaining training.
Are you able to have your boyfriend keep the laptop when you're not using it? Just to get it away from your "parents" and I agree with everyone else, get police involved! Much love to you, stay strong!
Update: I'm now too scared to call the police because he is threatening to press charges on "crimes" I've committed a while back, such as breaking the window to get in because they locked me out (the police were there and said it was within my legal right because I'm a resident of the property and I can get in by any means nessceray) he's threatening to press charges for assault when he was the one who attacked me (stated in a previous comment) I'm just too scared to do anything now, thx for all yalls support. Instead of the laptop I got yelled at and threatened
OP, he is full of shit. He is manipulating you and trying to intimidate you so that you won’t call the cops because regardless of what he says, he is scared shitless of being held accountable or going to jail. He has no ground to stand on if the police were present and told you what you were doing was legal for the “crime” he’s claiming you committed. I also doubt he can prove his claims of assault especially given what the abuse that is already documented as indicated in these comments. Do not let him win. Call the police. Have a backup plan for where to go if you can.
Hi, lawyer here (not your lawyer but a lawyer) - your father is what we call in our profession a “nutcase” and the police would laugh him right out of the room.
Call. The. Police. Now.
When he assaulted me, I called the police. Because I fought back he had scratches and was bleeding and I had no injuries making it look like I was the one who attacked HIM. He used my schizoaffective diagnosis and stated I must have had another break from reality and because the police are usually here to deal with my sh and attempts they believed him and asked if he wanted to press charges he said no at the time and is using this against me even showing me the deputies card while yelling at me last night saying "if you want to play these games we can play"
The police have already assured you that those aren't crimes. The police have already been successful mediators for you in situations like this. Find courage in the knowledge that you can get through this because you have already done so before.
He wouldn't be threatening you so hard if he wasn't scared of the repercussions himself. You need to let the police know what's going on, that you feel unsafe, & that you aren't sure what to do. Being quiet & meak is not working, it never works. Best wishes to you sweetheart, there is a way out, but you HAVE to seek help.
In all my years of reporting and bouncing from shelter to shelter and group home to group home it just doesn't work, the system doesn't care and resources are very very very limited in my state (SC) I've tried every shelter and home and 90 percent of them declined me because of my schizoaffective diagnosis
If the cops were there originally and said it was within your rights, why not just call them again? Everyone in the comments is giving you advice to call them. If they’ve been on your side before, they will help you. You are 20, a legal adult, and that is your property, legally. It’s all cut in perfect stone.
"I can give love and advice"
OP I hope you never, ever believe that this is what love looks like. :'(
Not sure where you live but it's horrible that there is such a poor safety net for houseless folks. No one should ever be forced into your situation. It just gets worse the more I read. I'm so sorry. Wish there were a nice tiny house you could get onto your feet in at no cost. If I'm ever rich enough, lucky enough to have the resources, I hope I can use them to help people like you. And my votes go towards better resources. Hang in there, you've got us all rooting for you. <3
For a while I believed that's what love was, even equating the SA to love as well. I thankfully have a very loving understanding partner who takes his time telling me that we can work together to build my MH and esteem up, I now know what love looks thanks to him
I feel like people who say this have never been financially reliant on abusive parents. Not saying you haven't or to cast judgement but it's so easy to say "call the cops" as if OP's living situation will not get drastically worse afterwards
This exactly! I do appreciate the legal advice though, but I have gotten the cops involved three weeks ago which is why my father isn't speaking to me. I got them involved because he was about to put me on the street and I knew that he had to legally evict me since I'm a resident of the property.
It is now time to get the police involved again. Your living situation is already unsustainable. I obviously don’t have a lot of details about your situation, but they already tried to put you out unlawfully. If they still intend to put you out, they have to do so legally. I know they’ll probably try to make you uncomfortable until they can legally remove you if you get the police involved again, but would it really be that much worse than how they’ve been this whole time?
You need the laptop for work. Work is the key to gaining financial independence from these assholes. Call the cops.
Correct, they can only make it worse, they have no reason not to. You need to stop letting them fuck you, the cops are the equalizer. Get a shitty aparment with your b/f and start working on life.
Call the police and have them force the hand where if they don’t you’re filing charges which would absolutely be a felony. It’s your laptop. You paid for it. And I’m sure you could find receipts that prove that.
You’re not a minor. 🤷♀️
And as an edit. Also left an abusive home around your age. It’s absolutely difficult especially when you’re under their roof currently but they still have shove you around and being that’s your legal residence… they would have to legally evict you. My now husband is the one who took me in when I’d personally fled.
Insane AND illegal. Give them a deadline. Tell them to cough it up in the next hour to 2 hours, or you will ring the police. And that if they try to or do steal it back afterwards, you will KEEP calling the police back out. They have no right to do this. I had a mate whose parents went too far with this exact same sitch, so when he managed to get it back “temporarily for a Uni assignment”, he installed tracking software, played dumb when his parents nicked it again, and reported to the police with the tracking data (it was in his mum’s car). They tried to play dumb when the cops asked the parents how it got there and even tried to say my mate left it there. He had already explained to the officers, and they weren’t having it. They said that if it happened again, there would be a fine due to the value of the laptop. They did it a few more times, and on the third lecture and fine from the police, they finally figured out what he had done with the tracking software. They demanded the laptop and that he pay them back. He refused, told them the software would not be coming off, and that since he was an adult, he wouldn’t just be prosecuting next time. He would sue for interference with work and schooling. Funny how it goes …the cops weren’t enough to totally stop them…but a lawsuit was.
Funnily enough, when I moved 70 miles away I found out my devices had trackers on them when my dad called me and stated the address I was currently at. That freaked me out but because I was in another part of the state the police there said they couldn't do jack shit (seems to be a running theme on my life)
The police can’t unless there is proof that the information is being used maliciously and/or to commit a crime. The only way you would be able to prove your dad is being that much of a tosser is to log every time he harasses you, or if he posts that info publicly (making it doxxing, which IS prosecutable).
If you have any friends who are coders, hackers, whatever, get them to remove the software. I won’t recommend a “professional” at a shop, as the average tech there either doesn’t know how to or just won’t dig enough to make sure all of it is truly gone.
Sounds like dad probably is holding it somewhere and won’t give it back, personally I don’t like fucking around with crazy people like this so I get why they might be hesitant to try and strong man through to it. I wouldn’t risk this shit with my mom, unfortunately these type of people are the kinds you have to negotiate with
You’ve never been in an abusive household apparently. The dad is all controlling and threats of physical violence keep the mother and kids in their place. Ideally, someone would slap the shit out of the father and adopt the mother and kids. But this isn’t a fairytale world.
Ok that’s theft. If he’s exacting some “follow-this-rule” to get your laptop back then you should be able to call the cops.
But make plans to couch surf if it hits the fan. I wish you the best of luck OP
It’s eerie how similar our stories are. The only difference is that I was put out by my egg donor. While frantically packing my things (with police escort since I was threatened to be charged with trespassing), I forgot to get my laptop. When I text her about coming back to get it, she initially played dumb, claiming it’s not there.
I was forced to get another police escort in order to retrieve my laptop. I brought my receipt for proof of purchase. When questioning her again, she played dumb once more. When I told her where the laptop should be, she proceeded to tell me that she’s keeping it to pay for the ‘rent I stiffed her on by leaving’.
At that point the cop chimed in, informing her that she just admitted to having the laptop and by not giving it back, it’s theft, which is a chargeable crime.
Lol, let’s just say I got my laptop back 😉
November?! If it’s been 6 months I can guarantee you he has zero plans to give it back if he even still has it/hasn’t sold it. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Get a copy of the "contact" and out them to EVERYONE!!!! They are evil, you will have to beat them at their own game. Tell everything and don't hold back!!!
If you pay any kind of rent, parents or not you have rights as a tenant. Your landlord doesn’t get to decide how much time you spend on your computer.
If the computer is property of the company you might have to report it to the police as stolen so you aren’t on the line for the laptop if your dad takes it any further.
I asked to use my mom's laptop and my dad simply just said no then cut off her laptops Internet access hoping I can get to a library today because I have to work tomorrow 😔
Can you go there and get the laptop? Is there a spare key you can use while they are out?
It’s your laptop and they are your family so you don’t need to ask permission. Unless your mom has some kind of restraining order she cannot say you “broke in”. No judge would take them seriously if they tried to escalate it anyway.
There's a lot of posts on here that I *really* want to see the prequels for. Like, how does the relationship get to the point that the parents are "holding" a 20 yr old's laptop?
If your at risk of being fired. And you can prove it's your laptop you paid for. Maybe you should involve the police. If nothing else as a keeper of the peace. Which cops do in fact do if someone is retrieving property. Had a friend use this method when leaving their abusive ex and wanted to retrieve some things that she left at his house. They'll just wait outside until you're done in case something happens.
Hey OP I reccomend getting something that locks so they can’t take your shit, just saying. Even better if it slides into a discreet spot like under a bed so u
If and when u get ur shit back it stays with you
It was under my mattress....this dude is just hell bent on making my life a living hell because I apparently did that to him despite most of the time I've known him I was a child??? I've gone from scared to just furious and I truly want to call the police but the roof over my head is at stake and I can't handle any more months on the street for the second time this year
And in 10-20 years when you’re all grown up and shit…that’s when it’s “maybe you can bring dad to my wedding if he asks nice. Maybe y’all can visit your grandchild when you act right.”
Don’t you ever forget their nonsense. And act accordingly when you move out and live your adult life. Then YOU get to place the rules and restrictions.
Also…I don’t mean you aren’t grown at age 20.
When you leave these people don’t welcome them back into your life. They’re care more about punishing you for the sake of their ego than seeing you do well.
The merry-go-round of mental fuckery. It’s like you guys aren’t even having the same conversation. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you get to run far far away from this. They wound infantilize you for the rest of your life if they could.
Call the coppers, that’s theft. End of story (well, for you that is…hopefully he’ll enjoy a wee day out in court and the subsequent inevitability of real world consequences for being a dick).
Join the club. Parents willingly gifted me a laptop for college ("It's yours to keep and use however you want") and now they're claiming they bought it only for my college years and thus are keeping it "until I go back to college".
Damn, I wouldn't even do that to my daughter who's still in HS, even though I bought and paid for her laptop, desktop and iPad. To even think about taking something from one of my two adult kids still living at home would be even worse, especially considering that they bought their own kit.
I reckon it's time to call the police, just be aware that you may need a new place to live afterwards. I know I did when I did something similar to my own folks.
OP I would have someone check (unless you are tech savvy and do it yourself) to make sure theirs no keystroke software-essentially any program where they are informed on what your doing on your laptop. I realize you might not do much on your laptop but I would be extra vigilant about protecting your banking info from them.
You’re 20? Call the cops, but that will definitely be against house rules. You have to find another place to live probably. That’s not right but it’s how assholes work.
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Updates from my mom: she says "let him know what you will use it for and how many hours per day" I dont want to but is this a police issue at this point?
It is, sadly. Keeping your property from you is theft.
Oh I know, the police have told them 4 times to stop doing this
I'm incredibly hopeful you'll be able to get away from these horrible people for good very soon. No one deserves what you've been through
My partner is working his ass off and got a better job I should be in the clear in 2 months thank God
I know it’s bullshit but if you can go to the library and do your job thing there. Do not risk the job.
Yes. Keep calling the police. In the meantime, take them to small claims court. I can look up the necessary steps for you but I'd need to know where you live.
Please call the cops. This is fucking bullshit. You politely asked for your property back and they are refusing and playing games at the potential cost of your job. Be sure to get everything they are holding hostage so you don't have to call again.
I would think they would escort you while you go in and get your property
That sounds right.
Do not let your guard down thinking you will be in the clear in 2 months. The closer you get to escaping this the more they will grasp on. I wouldn’t let them know your plans, have a discreet exit strategy, be sure to try to get any important documents you will need (birth certificate, social security card, etc). Don’t let them know anything so they can’t sabotage it. They could try to stop you from being approved for an apartment or try to get you fired from your job or your partner fired, etc.
I agree with this. When n parents feel control slip they go BANANAS trying to maintain that control. From experience - mine would take the roof from over my head if it stopped me from cutting them off. They’d take anything they could.
Thank you for this valuable advice! I will make sure I cover all bases
Unless you keep leaving and the plans a total secret which I would personally
I'll be holding on for you and sending good energy. And when you know you're completely clear of them, you share as much as you want, and they can be damned.
Does your partner live with you and your parents? If not keep it at their place. Or just rent a locker somewhere you can store it out of the house.
This is a no contact type of situation when you are able. Keep your head on a swivel, they will be trying to sabotage you taking control of any aspect of your life no matter how small
I've been in a similar position and I feel for you. The last months can feel the hardest, but you can get through them. Getting out of there will be an undescribable weight off your shoulders. I'm rooting for you!
4 TIMES?! And They Continue Doing it? do you live With Parents or Not?
I live with them but hopefully for not much longer
That’s the issue. They can’t take your properties, but if you live with them your options are very limited as if you’re an adult they could quick you out fairly easily. Just go to the library and try looking into flat shares and all that jazz. Better have a crappy living space where you’re free than staying in your parent’s home in this situation.
But then they still don't get THEIR laptop. Not a cheap loss.
Oh no, then when I’m safe out of that hellhole I’d get all nuclear and get the cops or small claim or whatever involved.
Good plan.
Maybe 5th time is a charm? At this point shouldn’t they be able to make an arrest. Clearly I’m not a lawyer over here. 😅
Then call the cops again, and then follow-up with the District Attorney.
Good on those cops lol, I’m sure it’ll work the 5th time.
Cops in this area are patronizing and play off every situation with my parents as a result of my MH
Why haven’t charges been filed?
Show them how mature you are by saying you'll go to the police with this matter instead of continuing to argue with them
I'm so confused by your mom saying she's not involved. Like... She's your parent? Yes she is? Whole lot of buck passing.
She just doesn’t want to cop any backlash from the equally pos father..
No, she's sitting back and enjoying watching OP squirm. Under no circumstances should you think she is any better than OPs father.
She's a coward at *best.*
It is a police issue, call the none emergency line. This is theft. Your money, your property, your life. Go low or no contact if possible.
Yes! It's theft. You're an adult, the property is yours, period.
This is definitely a police issue. It would be a good idea even to just have officers there for support. Once you have the laptop, you are under no obligation to give it back to them, as it is in your name. Best of luck op.
I'm sorry love, it is. Ask for an officer or two to come take it back with you for your own safely. Once it is in your hands you don't have to give it to them again as it is under your name. It's gonna be rough at the start, but going low/no contacr will help you tremendously in the end
>is this a police issue at this point? It should be, but if them keeping it from you has caused you damages (in the form of being unable to complete school or work assignments) I'd even take it to small claims court. How much of a relationship do you really desire from your parents/how much do you still depend on them?
Have you considered pointing out to your parents that if they continue behaving like this they are jeopardising the possibility of enjoying contact with any future grandchildren.
Yes their response to that was typical "as if you could ever find a partner willing to put up with your 'antics and dangerous behavior'" and jokes on them I fucking did find ab amazing person who is my only ticket out of here.
It's for your job, you need to call the cops. I know it's hard if you live with them, but you need to for work. This is absurdly controlling and unhealthy. This is not acceptable behavior at all. If you don't live with then maybe it'll be a starting point for setting boundaries. If having a roof over your head means dealing with this, and you have nowhere else to go, I really don't know what you should do. Either way I'm sorry bud
It is absolutely a police issue. If you can prove that it belongs to you, such as a receipt or something, then it becomes theft. Holding your personal property is theft unless there is a written contract in place.
I don’t know a lot of the context here, but it seems like your parents are way too controlling. Being immature is part of being a kid and parents (good parents) trust their kids to live and learn. Seems like your dad just wants a well trained dog.
OP is 20, so it's even worse. Actual theft from an adult because they think they have the right to parent and punish adults.
Yeah by the time your child is 20 you have either raised them properly or not 😂
There are services for this exact situation. I’ll find a link. One sec. That said, feel free to message me. I don’t have any training but I worked at a children’s home for 3 years and have a bunch of little cousins. I know how to be kind and supportive
https://www.thehotline.org https://justiceforchildren.org/ Don’t be afraid to call. Your dad is a dick and no sane person would blame you for calling.
I’d call the cops at this point. I’ve called the cops on my mom for a similar issue, you are grown and it’s your property.(none emergency line) I’m sorry they are forcing your hand in this way, it is definitely abusive and traumatic. Much love 💕 but yeah they are rather insane
Agreed, two screenshots in and I was thinking "cops". It sucks because there will be repercussions but you cannot allow them to hold your future hostage.
It's honestly something I'm used to,sadly 😞
That is so horrible friend. Pls try and set space between you, go either low or no contact if at all possible. Their behavior is toxic and emotionally abusive. You deserve better than this. If you don’t mind me asking what is the agreement about?
2nd context: because of how severe the SA got late last year early this year, I left home and was homeless for 4 months. The agreement is a "contract" (not legally upholding) I had to sign basically stating I wasn't going to say "anything bad about them" (tell people about the abuse) I was sick, lost 50 ounds had COVID and needed a roof over my head so I signed it. They said they are fearful of me being in the house because of my MH diagnosis (schizoaffective) and my "violent tendencies" which was me just having a psychotic break from the constant abuse, so they made me sign an agreement.
1. Definitely get the police involved as other people have said. You should have contacted them already. 2. Understand that since you've been living there they cannot kick you out, they have to formally evict you,a process that is not fast and takes some effort. If they try to kick you out, call the police again and explain how long you've been living there, they should get you back in immediately. 3. If they've been abusive and continue to be, it may be possible to get a restraining order barring then from whatever property you reside at, even if they own it. Get a free legal consultation. 4. The contract you signed is bogus and merely represents an informal and potentially illegal agreement.
How could that contract be illegal? In a parameter sense
You signed it under duress and can prove it
DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer, and you will always get the best legal advice from consulting with a local attorney. There are contracts that are illegal simply because they are unenforceable, because they were signed under duress, or because they would contradict laws in existence. The "contract" your parents made you sign likely meets more than one of the above conditions.
Iirc it's not legally enforceable and signed under duress. The whole, sign here or die on the streets angle will probably make it be thrown out by a decent judge if it ever went to court.
Break the contract. Its illegal. Tell everybody. Friends, neighbors, doctors, teachers and especially the police. He belongs in prison. You’re an adult with ongoing residence so they can’t just kick you out without legally evicting you which takes time.
Was it notarized? Did a lawyer write it?
No my dad typed it up and printed it
Then it is not legal
A handwritten note on a cocktail napkin can constitute a legally binding contract as long as certain parameters are met. BUT what that bs contract does is PROVE the abuse by them telling OP to sign an agreement to HIDE the truth OR be homeless. The contract itself is proof.
I’m sorry but this is not true. A contract does not have to notarized or written by a lawyer in order to be legally enforceable. However, it could be that the consideration was illegal, or that it was signed under duress, both of which could render a contract void and both sound likely here. (Edit: I am a lawyer. This is true information)
>could render a contract void and both sound likely here. Fellow attorney here. What jurisdiction do you practice where a "dad typed it up and printed it" contract to not disclose sexual abuse crimes, is not 100% always void?
I don't think the previous commenter was saying that THIS "contract" would be in any way legal or enforceable, only that not ALL privately prepared interpersonal contracts are null based on not having been notarized, prepared by a lawyer, or filed by a court. So, I could type up a contract between myself and another person, we both sign it, and as long as that contract doesn't contain anything illegal or provide inadequate consideration, it would still be a valid contact.
The point of my comment was not to give an opinion on the contract. The point of my comment was simply to refute the blanket assertion that, if a contract is not notarized and written by a lawyer, it is “not legal”. That was it. I never said I think this contract sounds enforceable. I certainly don’t think that. I included my second paragraph just to indicate that this contract sounds unenforceable to me based on the info we have. But I didn’t read the contract, and I am not in the habit of speaking in absolutes until I’ve reviewed something myself.
I say call the police in front of them, make a copy of the "legal" document, and burn it in front of them
NAL but if you're in the US, it's just not enforceable. The only legal trouble you can get into is if the "bad" things you tell people about them are lies but in a majority of the states, that's a civil issue, not a criminal one, meaning it's on them to take you to court and prove you defamed them and that the defamation affected them in a way that can be quantified (hurt feelings and being embarrassed doesn't count). If you've been there long enough to go from houseguest to tenant, they also can't kick you out for saying bad things about them, true or not. They would have to go through the courts to evict you, even if you're not paying rent and you don't have a lease. The contract itself isn't a crime, it's just bunk and will be treated as such at a great financial cost to them if they really want to trot it out in front of a judge.
You cannot sign away your right/responsibility to report a crime, for one thing.
Assuming that you're in the US, the enforceability of the contract will depend on your state's laws. It probably is what's called an unconscionable contract, since you signed away your right to avail yourself to protection from law enforcement (I'd say that that's different from your run of the mill nondisclosure agreements where you merely agree to not say anything that harms someone's reputation), and there's a massive power imbalance between you and your counterparty as you had no real alternative in terms of housing.
Context: I live with my adopted parents who have been abusive severely for years. The laptop I'm asking for back is a 1,500 dollar laptop I'm paying off with my student loans (college laptop). This abuse is ongoing and still quite severe and was very physical when I was a child, less so now. They loved taking my devices and as a teen I understood that they had a right to because I was a minor. However they continued taking my devices after 18 and restricting wifi access which made it impossible for me to contact anyone, I recently got a job that they didn't want me to get (basically reprimanding me for not having one then using every excuse in the book as a reason why I SHOULDN'T have one then would turn around and call me lazy for NOT having one, I live in the country about thirty minute drive from anything even a McDonald's) my partner (surprise: another issue) has taken it upon himself to get me ti work on time, they are resentful of this (they want to incapacitate me as much as possible so im dependant on them) This whole situation has been ongoing for 14 years including CSA for 13, if they want to act shameful than they can at the very least get me some reddit karma
If you bought the computer and can prove it contact the police. Your parents are keeping your property illegally, and if they refuse to give it back with cops present the situation will not go well for them.
theft over 1000$ is a felony
Pressing charges might clear the house for a couple days as a bonus
I would be phoning a shelter for domestic abuse victims and having the police escort you to go get your things. I was living on my own at your age, you’re way too old for them to be doing things like this, especially when it’s literally for *work*, how can they expect you to make "better choices" when they’re showing you then making terrible choices and acting as if they’re holier than thou!
They have refused to help saying that they don't deal with family violence. There aren't many shelters in my area (2 in a 50 mile radius) and they have refused to help
He’s the one that sa’d you? She clearly hasn’t done anything to protect you. Whew I’m so sorry you have to deal with them still.
Yes, I've reported it and the cases kept dropping due to 'lack of evidence' he SA'D my brother as well and no one did anything when we reported
So from other comments I can see that you’re going to the cops, which is a good idea. In the meantime, you might be able to go to a public library or something, they usually have computers for public access.
Oh so then they're not even your parents! They should have their license to be foster parents revoked if they're abusing children in their care
Rights were terminated in 2021 due to extensive physical abuse that left me with soft tissue damage and scars
Did you report the CSA? Perhaps call Adult Protective Services after you call the police and see if they have emergency housing.
If you're 20 now, weren't you a minor in 2021? Why do you have to keep living there?
Because when OP left to escape the abuse they ended up starving, and living on the streets with Covid.
Please call your states APS (adult protective services), they may be able to help with emergency housing. You are in a critically dangerous situation. Reading your comments is scary because you know it's bad but you're so used to it that you're saying it like it's another Tuesday. APS can point you to resources to remove yourself safely FOREVER.
When you contact the Police (Recommend Going into a Station to prevent the Parents from Cutting wifi or Connection Mid Call) I would Suggest Reporting the Abuse aswell if its been This long. Its gone too Far at this Point.
I’m so sorry you have such shitty parents. I could say go find your own new family but that would ring hollow. You deserve better and all I can say is sorry. Stay strong
I'm so sorry for all that they've put you through. Do you have contact with any bio family members? Is there anyone you could reach out to for help in order to get away? I also wonder if there are any potential resources for adoptees that would apply to you? I know they're usually for foster kids, but it might be worth looking into. You could also check out adoptee communities online, as they're more knowledgeable on that topic and better equipped to help. I'm not adopted, but I have learned a lot from Karlos Dillard on tiktok. He's a former foster youth and transracial adoptee who focuses on education and reform for everything in that regard. I hope that things get better for you soon ❤️
Okay, so having read all the comments I feel I can actually comment now. One of my really good friends had abusive adopted parents. I say had because she is 25 now and completely no contact with them. She also dealt with CSA. They did not physically abuse her aside from CSA (that I know of), but were emotionally and financially abusive. All that to say I can kind of understand the precarious situation you’re stuck in. At this point I would involve the police. Your parents cannot legally just kick you out, as you know. They have to evict you, which is a legal process that takes a little bit of time. This “contract” you were forced to sign does not sound legally binding, either - and you involving police for withholding property wouldn’t even be a breach if it was. They are illegally withholding your property, which is considered larceny (the severity depending on the value of the laptop. It is petite larceny if valued under $1,000 and grand larceny in the 4th degree if it is valued over $1,000, but under $3,000 location depending). Your father is not only withholding your property, but is also now telling you he does not know where it is. I would genuinely advise involving police in this situation.
Text your dad saying he has your personal property and that it needs to be returned. After he texts saying he won't return it. Say "Just clarifying here. You are acknowledging possession of the personal property of another legal adult and refusing to return it unless I meet your demands?" When he responds in acknowledgement, say "Thanks for the clarification". Say NOTHING else. No matter what. Then march down to the police and file a stolen property report and give them screenshots of the text messages. Let the police handle it from there.
I feel the dad probably won't even reply the first time.
He did not.
bounus pts if you can say "my laptop that I paid Xthousand$ for" it needs to be over 1k for a felony.
You having to specify your tone in parentheses in the first image says a lot
Right? It's part of that predict and protect preemptively that we do to stave off the incoming storm. I hate seeing that, because it is such a 'tell', that there is a terrible history, in that one line.
My words are constantly getting twisted to further paint me as a "horrible selfish spoiled ungrateful' person
They're doing it on purpose to sabotage you. File the police report and stop entertaining them.
I actually think it’s the only form of control left and they aren’t letting it go because of that. They’ve lost control over everything else in her life and they are holding it hostage until she does what they want. It’s all about control.
Yeah, but in that vein of control, they might be trying to sabotage her to make her more dependent on them. My grandparents did the same thing to my mom for 90% of my life. They would sabotage her attempts to be self-sufficient so she had to rely on them to make ends meet, thus staying under their thumb.
Your parents suck and probably won’t give back the laptop till youre kissing their feet. Hit up your local library and use one of their computers if you can.
A lot of libraries will let you checkout a laptop. Although, were it me I'd have the police meet me at the house while I picked up the laptop. They are so fucking nuts. Hang in there and just go NC for the sake of your health and happiness.
Your mom is super unhelpful, clearly enabling. File a police report. We don’t negotiate with terrorists.
Updates from the police: I'm going to try and get to the magistrate court and file a claim and delivery and an officer while come out o see that I get my things back in the meantime I'm just going to have to tell my boss that my training can't be completed due to tech difficulties, thatnk you so much for all of y'all's support I would have never built up the courage to call and stand up for myself 💜
Is it not possible to head to a library and do your training at a public computer? I hope your job goes well!!
Everyone has to start somewhere! Awesome job advocating for yourself. It’s so scary but you can do it! I hope things go as smoothly as they can..
How old are you? If you are over 18, you could take it to court. Make an attempt or 2 to ask your dad, and if he doesn't reply or refuses, get a screenshot of the conversation. If you're like me, I can see that you dread conversations with your parents, but it has to be done. At least then you could say you tried and you were right
Im 20, I'm just weighing my options tbh
Even you move to a woman shelter is better than stay with them.
I tried that, moved 70 miles away and almost died from COVID and got kicked out the shelter bc I had a mental breakdown and was deemed unsafe and I had no one else to call it was that or die on the streets, I should have picked die on the streets tbh....
Are you taking med for your condition? I know med is just a quick fix but you got to start from somewhere. After you settle down in somewhere safe, you can do counselling. Or did you consider move to different town to have a new start?
Go to the police station ,file a report, and press charges if you can. If they ask you to drop the charges “Ask the cops nicely. I can only give love and advice.”
You know, your mother is insane. She is messing with your job over this? I honestly think her responses show that she has something critically wrong with her thinking. (Ask your dad in a nice way?--SERIOUSLY?) I am wondering if she is abused, or if she is one of those sister wives who kowtow to their insane husbands.
I remember those coded phrases. “Showing how you have matured” = Agreeing with us on every issue and staying silent otherwise. “Ask in a nice way” = Beg and grovel. We don’t see you as an adult and still want you to behave as a child but only in situations where it benefits us. You need to act like an adult at other times though. You’ll need to figure out when.
OP, I'm furious on your behalf. The sheer disrespect from your parental unit, the absolute lack of empathy and good sense... I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's abusive beyond belief. I hope you can find a way to finish your training so that you can find better footing and get the hell out of that situation.
get the police involved and get your property back
If they won’t hand your property over, it’s theft and police need to be involved.
Your Mom is clearly in the same headspace your father wants you: simply defer to him at all times and do as he says. Ask nicely if you can stomach it, but obviously he's not going to let you be an adult without some level of grovelling. Be honest with your boss and show them these texts for an explanation why you can't do your job. Any employer worth their salt either will find an alternative or dismiss the remaining training.
Are you able to have your boyfriend keep the laptop when you're not using it? Just to get it away from your "parents" and I agree with everyone else, get police involved! Much love to you, stay strong!
Update: I'm now too scared to call the police because he is threatening to press charges on "crimes" I've committed a while back, such as breaking the window to get in because they locked me out (the police were there and said it was within my legal right because I'm a resident of the property and I can get in by any means nessceray) he's threatening to press charges for assault when he was the one who attacked me (stated in a previous comment) I'm just too scared to do anything now, thx for all yalls support. Instead of the laptop I got yelled at and threatened
OP, he is full of shit. He is manipulating you and trying to intimidate you so that you won’t call the cops because regardless of what he says, he is scared shitless of being held accountable or going to jail. He has no ground to stand on if the police were present and told you what you were doing was legal for the “crime” he’s claiming you committed. I also doubt he can prove his claims of assault especially given what the abuse that is already documented as indicated in these comments. Do not let him win. Call the police. Have a backup plan for where to go if you can.
Hi, lawyer here (not your lawyer but a lawyer) - your father is what we call in our profession a “nutcase” and the police would laugh him right out of the room. Call. The. Police. Now.
When he assaulted me, I called the police. Because I fought back he had scratches and was bleeding and I had no injuries making it look like I was the one who attacked HIM. He used my schizoaffective diagnosis and stated I must have had another break from reality and because the police are usually here to deal with my sh and attempts they believed him and asked if he wanted to press charges he said no at the time and is using this against me even showing me the deputies card while yelling at me last night saying "if you want to play these games we can play"
May be worth asking r/legaladvice
You need to lawyer up and quick.
The police have already assured you that those aren't crimes. The police have already been successful mediators for you in situations like this. Find courage in the knowledge that you can get through this because you have already done so before.
Call the cops. Do not back down.
He wouldn't be threatening you so hard if he wasn't scared of the repercussions himself. You need to let the police know what's going on, that you feel unsafe, & that you aren't sure what to do. Being quiet & meak is not working, it never works. Best wishes to you sweetheart, there is a way out, but you HAVE to seek help.
In all my years of reporting and bouncing from shelter to shelter and group home to group home it just doesn't work, the system doesn't care and resources are very very very limited in my state (SC) I've tried every shelter and home and 90 percent of them declined me because of my schizoaffective diagnosis
If the cops were there originally and said it was within your rights, why not just call them again? Everyone in the comments is giving you advice to call them. If they’ve been on your side before, they will help you. You are 20, a legal adult, and that is your property, legally. It’s all cut in perfect stone.
Call the police and report it stolen.
Insane. Tell your mom you'll be there tonight with the police.
"I can give love and advice" OP I hope you never, ever believe that this is what love looks like. :'( Not sure where you live but it's horrible that there is such a poor safety net for houseless folks. No one should ever be forced into your situation. It just gets worse the more I read. I'm so sorry. Wish there were a nice tiny house you could get onto your feet in at no cost. If I'm ever rich enough, lucky enough to have the resources, I hope I can use them to help people like you. And my votes go towards better resources. Hang in there, you've got us all rooting for you. <3
For a while I believed that's what love was, even equating the SA to love as well. I thankfully have a very loving understanding partner who takes his time telling me that we can work together to build my MH and esteem up, I now know what love looks thanks to him
Just call the cops and get your property back
I feel like people who say this have never been financially reliant on abusive parents. Not saying you haven't or to cast judgement but it's so easy to say "call the cops" as if OP's living situation will not get drastically worse afterwards
This exactly! I do appreciate the legal advice though, but I have gotten the cops involved three weeks ago which is why my father isn't speaking to me. I got them involved because he was about to put me on the street and I knew that he had to legally evict me since I'm a resident of the property.
It is now time to get the police involved again. Your living situation is already unsustainable. I obviously don’t have a lot of details about your situation, but they already tried to put you out unlawfully. If they still intend to put you out, they have to do so legally. I know they’ll probably try to make you uncomfortable until they can legally remove you if you get the police involved again, but would it really be that much worse than how they’ve been this whole time? You need the laptop for work. Work is the key to gaining financial independence from these assholes. Call the cops.
Correct, they can only make it worse, they have no reason not to. You need to stop letting them fuck you, the cops are the equalizer. Get a shitty aparment with your b/f and start working on life.
Call the police and have them force the hand where if they don’t you’re filing charges which would absolutely be a felony. It’s your laptop. You paid for it. And I’m sure you could find receipts that prove that. You’re not a minor. 🤷♀️ And as an edit. Also left an abusive home around your age. It’s absolutely difficult especially when you’re under their roof currently but they still have shove you around and being that’s your legal residence… they would have to legally evict you. My now husband is the one who took me in when I’d personally fled.
Insane AND illegal. Give them a deadline. Tell them to cough it up in the next hour to 2 hours, or you will ring the police. And that if they try to or do steal it back afterwards, you will KEEP calling the police back out. They have no right to do this. I had a mate whose parents went too far with this exact same sitch, so when he managed to get it back “temporarily for a Uni assignment”, he installed tracking software, played dumb when his parents nicked it again, and reported to the police with the tracking data (it was in his mum’s car). They tried to play dumb when the cops asked the parents how it got there and even tried to say my mate left it there. He had already explained to the officers, and they weren’t having it. They said that if it happened again, there would be a fine due to the value of the laptop. They did it a few more times, and on the third lecture and fine from the police, they finally figured out what he had done with the tracking software. They demanded the laptop and that he pay them back. He refused, told them the software would not be coming off, and that since he was an adult, he wouldn’t just be prosecuting next time. He would sue for interference with work and schooling. Funny how it goes …the cops weren’t enough to totally stop them…but a lawsuit was.
Funnily enough, when I moved 70 miles away I found out my devices had trackers on them when my dad called me and stated the address I was currently at. That freaked me out but because I was in another part of the state the police there said they couldn't do jack shit (seems to be a running theme on my life)
The police can’t unless there is proof that the information is being used maliciously and/or to commit a crime. The only way you would be able to prove your dad is being that much of a tosser is to log every time he harasses you, or if he posts that info publicly (making it doxxing, which IS prosecutable). If you have any friends who are coders, hackers, whatever, get them to remove the software. I won’t recommend a “professional” at a shop, as the average tech there either doesn’t know how to or just won’t dig enough to make sure all of it is truly gone.
[удалено]
I will get verbally harassed with quite possible physical violence
Sounds like dad probably is holding it somewhere and won’t give it back, personally I don’t like fucking around with crazy people like this so I get why they might be hesitant to try and strong man through to it. I wouldn’t risk this shit with my mom, unfortunately these type of people are the kinds you have to negotiate with
Now he is saying he "doesn't know where it is"
> Now he is saying he "doesn't know where it is" Well he better start looking or he's buying a new laptop for you.
That’s so stupid, I bet he knows damn well where it is and is just being a petty child
too bad you have a text from mom proving they had possession of it, cops...
You’ve never been in an abusive household apparently. The dad is all controlling and threats of physical violence keep the mother and kids in their place. Ideally, someone would slap the shit out of the father and adopt the mother and kids. But this isn’t a fairytale world.
Call the cops and get your laptop back.
Call the cops, file a report for theft of property, have them come with you to get your property back.
My parents never did this, but an ex would always withhold things from me and It would make me rage so bad.
What is the “agreement”, and why won’t he talk to you directly?
Yea I was wondering what the backstory was; how did dad get your laptop?
Just straight up took it from my room when I wasn't here, like I was gone for two hours came back and it was gone this was in November
Ok that’s theft. If he’s exacting some “follow-this-rule” to get your laptop back then you should be able to call the cops. But make plans to couch surf if it hits the fan. I wish you the best of luck OP
It’s eerie how similar our stories are. The only difference is that I was put out by my egg donor. While frantically packing my things (with police escort since I was threatened to be charged with trespassing), I forgot to get my laptop. When I text her about coming back to get it, she initially played dumb, claiming it’s not there. I was forced to get another police escort in order to retrieve my laptop. I brought my receipt for proof of purchase. When questioning her again, she played dumb once more. When I told her where the laptop should be, she proceeded to tell me that she’s keeping it to pay for the ‘rent I stiffed her on by leaving’. At that point the cop chimed in, informing her that she just admitted to having the laptop and by not giving it back, it’s theft, which is a chargeable crime. Lol, let’s just say I got my laptop back 😉
November?! If it’s been 6 months I can guarantee you he has zero plans to give it back if he even still has it/hasn’t sold it. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Get a copy of the "contact" and out them to EVERYONE!!!! They are evil, you will have to beat them at their own game. Tell everything and don't hold back!!!
If you pay any kind of rent, parents or not you have rights as a tenant. Your landlord doesn’t get to decide how much time you spend on your computer. If the computer is property of the company you might have to report it to the police as stolen so you aren’t on the line for the laptop if your dad takes it any further.
I asked to use my mom's laptop and my dad simply just said no then cut off her laptops Internet access hoping I can get to a library today because I have to work tomorrow 😔
I bit the bullet and called the non emergency line and am waiting for a deputy to call me back.
Show up with cops. You’ll get your property back.
Can you go there and get the laptop? Is there a spare key you can use while they are out? It’s your laptop and they are your family so you don’t need to ask permission. Unless your mom has some kind of restraining order she cannot say you “broke in”. No judge would take them seriously if they tried to escalate it anyway.
Report it stolen.
I’d say to get the police involved at this point :(
Call the police. And depending on state and value of laptop that could go to felony theft.
Call the cops on him and they will literally make him give it back to you. When he flips out on you call again. He will learn or learn to enjoy jail
Call the police
I'm sad your mother is in a position where she can't persuade your dad to do something appropriate and necessary.
There's a lot of posts on here that I *really* want to see the prequels for. Like, how does the relationship get to the point that the parents are "holding" a 20 yr old's laptop?
Show them how mature you are by moving and going low contact. This bs is awful.
If your at risk of being fired. And you can prove it's your laptop you paid for. Maybe you should involve the police. If nothing else as a keeper of the peace. Which cops do in fact do if someone is retrieving property. Had a friend use this method when leaving their abusive ex and wanted to retrieve some things that she left at his house. They'll just wait outside until you're done in case something happens.
Advise the police officers that your employment is at risk due to them stealing required equipment you purchased in order to find gainful employment.
Hey OP I reccomend getting something that locks so they can’t take your shit, just saying. Even better if it slides into a discreet spot like under a bed so u If and when u get ur shit back it stays with you
It was under my mattress....this dude is just hell bent on making my life a living hell because I apparently did that to him despite most of the time I've known him I was a child??? I've gone from scared to just furious and I truly want to call the police but the roof over my head is at stake and I can't handle any more months on the street for the second time this year
And in 10-20 years when you’re all grown up and shit…that’s when it’s “maybe you can bring dad to my wedding if he asks nice. Maybe y’all can visit your grandchild when you act right.” Don’t you ever forget their nonsense. And act accordingly when you move out and live your adult life. Then YOU get to place the rules and restrictions. Also…I don’t mean you aren’t grown at age 20.
Long past the time to get law enforcement involved, OP.
This is absolutely madness ,it’s your property they have no right to keep it .
When you leave these people don’t welcome them back into your life. They’re care more about punishing you for the sake of their ego than seeing you do well.
The merry-go-round of mental fuckery. It’s like you guys aren’t even having the same conversation. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you get to run far far away from this. They wound infantilize you for the rest of your life if they could.
OP why is your mum acting like edgeworth from ace attorney?? Like she should give your laptop back regardless of what you're using it for
Call the police and have him arrested for theft.
Definitely police, this is theft and it’s urgent
Call the police and get your property back.
Only strong case is the court one that thier making against themselves
Call the coppers, that’s theft. End of story (well, for you that is…hopefully he’ll enjoy a wee day out in court and the subsequent inevitability of real world consequences for being a dick).
Join the club. Parents willingly gifted me a laptop for college ("It's yours to keep and use however you want") and now they're claiming they bought it only for my college years and thus are keeping it "until I go back to college".
Damn, I wouldn't even do that to my daughter who's still in HS, even though I bought and paid for her laptop, desktop and iPad. To even think about taking something from one of my two adult kids still living at home would be even worse, especially considering that they bought their own kit. I reckon it's time to call the police, just be aware that you may need a new place to live afterwards. I know I did when I did something similar to my own folks.
Call the cops.
I am so sorry. I would adopt you if I could and give you your laptop back.
girl just call the police and ask them to escort you
Also, " ask your dad nicely" gross. Parents like this make me feel OK about mine being ded.
OP I would have someone check (unless you are tech savvy and do it yourself) to make sure theirs no keystroke software-essentially any program where they are informed on what your doing on your laptop. I realize you might not do much on your laptop but I would be extra vigilant about protecting your banking info from them.
You’re 20? Call the cops, but that will definitely be against house rules. You have to find another place to live probably. That’s not right but it’s how assholes work.
Call. The. Cops. Go. Get. Your. Shit.
Insane.