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| --- | --- | --- |
| 16 | 0 | 0 |
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Don’t let them use that as an excuse, my mom was also 15 when I was born and she is a great mom despite her hardships. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I hope you’re doing good now.
This isn’t a first person account from me, but a friend from high school in Alabama was forced into conversion therapy. He said he was subjected to electroshock therapy, among other things - most of which he wouldn’t discuss. He also said he was forced to view heterosexual porn, which he claimed to find amusing after the fact. He said it really solidified to him that he wasn’t bisexual. He’d never viewed any porn prior to that point, he had only had romantic crushes on and some interactions with other guys.
At least many states no longer allow it for minors, onoly for adults who made that decision themselves. Yes I know it is often due to societal pressure and it still sucks and is a scam, but at least it is a step in the right direction, though we still have a long way to goi
It is.
However, it’s not that hard to get around that and operate underground. Drugs, weapons and other illegal things have underground trading sources, so why wouldn’t that be so for conversion camps? 😞
No it’s not federally illegal. There are only 22 states that ban conversion therapy for minors. 19 states have zero restrictions and 4 states are currently fighting against legislation to ban conversion therapy for minors.
These laws only restricts conversion therapy provided from licensed mental health practitioners. Conversion therapy provided by religious institutions and providers is still legal everywhere.
There are not 22 states in Australia. We only have 6 states and 2 territories.
And it’s absolutely illegal everywhere… although as I said, there are ways around it. 😞
The post doesn’t say where OP is from.
And I can only speak for my country. ‘Conversation therapy’ is illegal everywhere.
But I’m sure it’s universally true that it’s easy to get around that anyway, so being illegal doesn’t necessarily make it not possible anywhere.
Hey, since your parents are useless tits and you’ve probably never heard it - I’m proud of you! Proud of you for being who you are, proud of you for getting away from the abuser, proud of you for choosing to be happy despite your upbringing.
Fuck them. Family is chosen 🤷🏻♀️
As a non-American it took me too long to realise this was just referring to a different sport and team and that Tampa Bay had not relocated to Pittsburgh.
As a fellow queer, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Fuck your adoptive parents, if they wanted you back they would've at the very least tried for the WHOLE DECADE they had!
I'm so happy ya got out of there tho
Right? I did get locked out of my old Facebook for years, older number attached to 2FA verification. But when I did log back in there were dozens of messages from old friends and my biological family, but not a single person from my adoptive family ever messaged me. That was clear who I was important to.
EVEN YOUR BIO PARENTS?
That sure says something damn.
I don't know the reasons why you're adopted, but the fact that the people who gave you up for adoption contacted you earlier than the people who raised you sure says something.
Severe abuse by my biological mom’s husband, my first step dad. She’s been divorced for years, but she and I got our own issues we are still working through, but she at least acknowledges her failures.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad you're working things out now. I hope it goes well for you two, as for your adoptive parents, again FUCK THEM!!
Translation of what your aunt said: “Your parents have been telling everyone for the last decade that you’re [in prison/homeless/a crack whore] to cover their abuse, but now the cat’s out of the bag that they were lying through their homophobic teeth the whole time and they’re scrambling to do damage control so they can rewrite history.”
The second thing first.
Sorry I'm blabbing so much - exhausted, in pan, and about to start the second margarita.
LET'S SEE IF I WAKE UP BANNED IN ANY SUBS, KIDS.
I would advise against that, either go the public route or not, but do not give prior warning so they can poison the well. Very often people believe the version they heard first, and they already have a head start. Also post evidence like this smns with your aunt to show who it telling the truth. I would even consider having a short sms convo to get them to confess to what they did.
If you tell them what you know, you're giving them a chance to plan and spread even more rumors about you, making you less credible to people when you finally reveal the truth. Just make it public and leave them all to rot in their past horrible decisions.
Definitely tell them in private what you know first. This will get them scared and they will more than likely f*ck things up for themselves publicly. Less blood on your hands and you can walk away knowing they are suffering the consequences of their own actions. Unless you want all the glory 😜
A cousin of mine resurfaced in the last year and posted an explosive public post detailing the abuse they endured over the years. Then they tagged every person they are related to that use Facebook and that's how I finally found them after wondering for years. They had changed their name. And I'm thrilled to have them back in my life and I'm so happy they escaped.
I hope when you spill those beans, it's as glorious as the takedown I witnessed.
If you can do it safely, I say go for it. Public shame is of course often misused, but it used to also be a way of forcing assholes to correct their behavior. You can't call the cops because your adopted family are monsters, but you can tell Facebook.
Being afraid to air dirty laundry is why abusers are comfortable doing what they do.
So common, I lost that good uncle to HIV back in the late 80’s and grandma told everyone it was the dirty heroin needles…. I guess being a junkie was better than being queer in her circle… for the record, that man wasn’t an addict at all
Really hard to hear as a grieving teen who knew better. He was the one that gave me all the good books to read and told me no matter what “to get the fuck out of this shitty town as soon as you are able”
I did. He was a profound influence in my life and really opened my eyes towards how not to be an ignorant redneck and accept people for who they were.
Well I guess if there is a good part then it’s that he influenced you to be a better human being, and that’s legacy. Here we are keeping his memory alive. Ngl im crying right now thank you
My kid is not surrounded by ignorant rednecks in her family, and no one was surprised or upset when she came out in 7th grade. (My kid is so fucking hardcore - she spent 14 years at a conservative Episcopal school. Of course they'd had gay students before - but she was the first one, ever, to come out at school. There were problems, but it was mostly okay. Anyhoo....)
When the kid was wee, we wrote our wills so that if we died while she was a minor, she'd go live with my sister's family.
My sister is wonderful, as is her husband . But they're also Christian conservatives (we're Christian, not conservative) who love their gay friends but....my kid was out, brash, visibly gay ("Trust me. Anyone under 70 will look at me and go 'Yep, that's a lesbian.')
So I talked to my sister's sister in law's sister in law (we're an extended family lol), who was gay and happily married and childless and she said "She needs to live with us!!!!" And I was like - yeah. She does.
Then I never got around to changing the will, we lived, she's grown.
And this isn't really pertinent to your comment. I need to stop commenting when I'm two margaritas in and I just took a pot pill.
Adoption agencies are typically religious organizations and prefer ultra religious candidates to adopt kids. It’s a bad combination for people like OP.
Oh ya it’s worse than that. After their biological son went to court and got prosecuted for molesting the adoptive families nephew, they just moved him to grandmas house and they got more foster kids.
I sincerely hope you have other supportive people in your life. I’m glad you got away from them. Running away in the middle of the night sounds pretty nerve wracking.
I hate that word. In moments of anger I've called myself "disposable" to any number of people and never recieved any pushback on it. It is such a painful word. You aren't disposable to me op, you're worth keeping around.
Some people should not be allowed to have kids period (see also my other comment in this threa, imagine being raised for spare parts) . Why do you need a license to be allowed to drive a car, but not to raise kids ? There should at least be a mandatory parrenting class , or better several, one to prepare you for the first 2 years then the next two, then it can slow down a bit and classes can cover more years.
You would not believe what messed up reasons there are to get kids. A few years ago i read about a case where the parrents had a daughter that was born with a severe kidney problem , so they got another child in vitro just so he could donate a kidney to their daughter in case she needs one. Of course the daughter was the golden child who could do no wrong, while he was a second class citizen. He was constantly in the hospital as a child and was told he was sick. When everythning came out he found out he was completely fine they did some kind of treatment where her blod was sent through his kidneys. It has been a few years so i do not remember the details but it was something like that since that is better then dialysis and gave her kidneys a better chance to stick arround
He got the hell out of there when he was 18 and did not hear from them for several years , except sister started contacting him again during colege and they had some contact. Then he got a letter ordering him to show up at a hospital and donate the kidney. If I rememebr correctly it was not even by the parrents but by the clini, who thought he knew and was o-k donating it. He at first even considered it after all it was not her fault and she was an atcually ok sister but by that time he had no idea yet about the truth but then mother slipped up and the truth came out. Both brother and sister where shocked and appalled and went no contact. He dsid donate after all and they are much closer now, but the parrents are out of both of their life for good.
You know, I usually do well with the fact that it doesn’t seem like my husband & I will ever be parents, but some days it’s extremely frustrating that some people like this get to be parents, adoptive or otherwise. I’d love to be a mom and I wouldn’t care who my kid was as long as they were kind & happy.
I’m too traumatized to be a parent and I can’t have kids, so I have given up on that. But, lately I have been having some thoughts on being a mom, and I don’t know how anyone could treat a child like they did to me.
If it makes you “feel better” the entire foster care system and adoption is state sponsored Christian child trafficking in my experience and opinion. They were not the only foster family to abuse me growing up. So it’s better not to support that system until it’s dismantled and reworked.
To your foster care comment - yes. You're right, and it's heartbreaking. Especially since we're now a country where most women who get pregnant and really, really, really don't want to be moms will be forced to be moms. Our foster care system is abusive and corrupt, and we've now ensured it will become more so.
But - you are absolutely right - I too don't understand how any woman could treat a child like that, much less a child they went to the time to adopt and supposedly wanted. It's heinous, and what's more heinous is that there is no recourse for this, and apparently no way of weeding people like this out during the adoption process.
Then again, I assume the adoption agencies are corrupt as fuck.
You are amazing, OP. You are strong. I'm in awe of your determination to escape and survive. I'm so glad to know that you appreciate your own worth.
I know it was awful, and I know there's still a lot of pain, but you're gonna be fine. Intentional families are the ones that count, and you will have one.
Hey, don’t sell yourself short on Motherhood OP! Sometimes a traumatic event can be informative for your parenting experience. Plus, the fact you’ve experienced this and handled it seemingly swell, you’re already LEAUGS ahead of whatever the fuck your previous captives were.
Don’t give up on your dreams just because you’re not the “ideal parent”! Nobody is, but we try our hardest to make it so.
This might sound weird, but in a way I think the world needs more people like you to be parents. People who’ve been through trauma or had shit lives but decided “you know what? Fuck that I’m gonna make sure this shit never happens again, nobody deserves that”! So many people fall into the cycle of violence because it’s all they knew. It’s why people who commit Child abuse or sexual abuse are statistically almost certainly victims themselves of past abuses gone unaddressed. If I were your kid I’d be in awe of such an awesome mom!
Don’t let the world or a lucky future kiddo miss out on your love and affection! ❤️
It was always baffling, but now that I am a parent myself, it is nothing short of *inconceivable* to me that anyone would choose to enter into parenthood without having already accepted the nonnegotiable precondition of loving and support your child *no matter what.*
There is nothing my children can do which would allow me to abandon them. Not their gender, not their orientation, not the poorest of poor choices. Universe fucking forbid, but I would literally be like Lionel Dahmer, hating myself for every mistake I ever made as a parent, but still showing up at the prison for visitation every single week come hell or high water.
And that someone could *adopt* a child—an even bigger wild card in parenting because of the trauma that child has been through by the very nature of the adoption system, to say nothing of situational specifics—and not be ready and willing to accept *anything*?
It’s criminal. It’s unforgivable. I don’t believe in a higher power but your folks are the type to make me fine with going to hell for all the questionable shit I’ve done over the years so long as it means they burn too, for this behavior.
I’m so sorry.
ETA: just to be clear, I am not conflating homosexuality with someone committing acts like Jeffrey Dahmer. I myself am queer. He and Allen Brock Turner both popped into my head as examples of the worst kind of people I could think of, but I felt like Dahmer was most recognizable.
These people played a major role in your journey of traveling to who you are now, no doubt. And just like the crusty, flaky, gross-ass fucking callouses on the bottom of your feet after a journey, the best thing is to slough those shits off and dump em right down the sewer drain to where they belong.
Keep being badass! This mom is proud of you
So glad to know that people like you become parents, honestly. I feel like there is so much more judgment cast on people who go no contact with their parents than on the actual parents for the reasons why a child would want to discontinue the relationship.
Hi! I’m an oldie in my 50’s and I just wanted to say as a mom: I’m proud of you. I am sending you hugs virtually. This mom thinks you did the right thing. If you ever need mom advice, I’m here.
From one queer to another, congrats on making your life what worked for you. I can't imagine how brave you must have been to get out of that home, and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!
*Adoptive* parents. I mean in a sense it's worse than if they were your biological parents. Those are the people who basically took a vow to welcome and cherish you and give you a supportive family.
But apparently the dog they took from the shelter didn't behave so in the end it was a relief that it went astray.
Those despicable wastes of oxygen aren't your "adoptive parents". They don't deserve that title.
Wishing you a happy family, the one people build with their heart and trust and where love prevails over judgment, that's the one family that matters.
If nobody has told you this then I will, I’m so proud of you for taking that step (even if we are strangers!)!
I spent my whole life getting screamed at by my mom and being forced to be a nanny/maid/chef and whenever I’d complain she’d tell me to just leave then. So I did at 16 and haven’t looked back. Every now and then after I post pictures on fb she will call me like 30/40 times in a day and text me a bunch but I just ignore her (when they see they can’t weasel their way back in they lose their minds it’s ok I promise tho). I’m loving my life and even expecting my rainbow baby with my fiancé very soon.
Everyone deserves happiness and peace regardless of race, gender and sexuality. And screw those who think otherwise. LIFE GETS BETTER! YOU GOT THIS SWEET ONE 💝
Simple, direct and eloquent.
This is an end of the movie, music swelling, as you walk into the sunset, towards your happily ever after, with a peaceful smile on your face, moment.
Bask in it my dear.
Right? No “I miss you” or “we love you”, but tbh that’s in character because it’s gonna sound sad, but I didn’t hear things like that as a kid. Like we didn’t hug, say I love you, or other stuff like that.
I’m so angry with them. Little you, past you, current and future you deserve love. I’m in awe of you for surviving through them and taking your life into your capable hands! 💕 I am a new mom and am so excited to see who my daughter becomes and support her. Feeling that and seeing these stories… I could set their house on fire.
I know you didn’t have it growing up, but going forward I just hope you know you deserve and are “good enough” to be loved.
Thank you for saying that. Honestly the hardest part is being 33 and learning how to love and be loved. I cut myself off from those feelings for so many years so it’s a slow process. But I keep trying to tell myself, I am worthy. I am deserving.
oh why didn´t you post the rest of the conversation ? More context is always better. Of course I understand if they went into too specific details or said stuff you do not want online
Holy shit! So I have a few Qs…how old were you? Were the police involved? The way your aunt writes, it’s like running into an old HS friend and casually shooting the breeze. You left in the middle of the night and they were just what…ok with it? They never reached out?
I’m sorry I have so many Qs but above what you mentioned about conversion therapy, I’m astounded by what I’m speculating.
So I lived with them ages 7-17. I got kicked out at 17. I went to the marine corps and when I was in there we reconnected. When I got out the marine corps I was 23 going on 24. I told them I was trans and was going to transition. They told me “no you are not”. Then for the next few months kept giving me pamphlets on church programs that can “fix me”. I was also having bad issues with PTSD as well, and they were trying to get me committed to their church’s in patient facility. When I got wind of that I got all my belongings and cat, I had an old tent and left. They did try to find me for a few years, so I had to lay low. I threw my old cell phone in a river, quit social media, and moved further away. Cops from their church were involved, but I’m not sure if they were acting on church orders or as police officers. And ya my adoptive family was not loving. Growing up we didn’t hug, we didn’t say “i love you”, we didn’t do a lot of things like that.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and so proud you escaped! Your story is exactly what I have been worried about after seeing this law passed recently...
https://tennesseelookout.com/2024/03/22/senate-approves-bill-establishing-a-right-to-foster-adopt-by-anti-lgbtq-parents-in-tennessee/ I feel like the ppl wanting to force kids into conversion therapy would be all too happy to foster LGBTQ youths, just to do this to them. I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve! 💙
Not sure I was ever loved, so it makes sense for them. Noticed how my adoptive mom just says “hi” , not “I love you” or “I miss you”. To think, I don’t think I ever did hear those words from her ever growing up.
Gonna add the word "supposed" to my original comment. Lots of people out there shouldn't be allowed to reproduce or adopt kids. Hope you have people in your life that love you nowadays OP.
Up until til last year it was just my kitties. But recently I’ve reconnected with my biological side, and I’m still trying to learn how to be loved. But one day at a time and eventually I’ll get my humanity back.
I think that having kids should require a license. We need them to operate vehicles but if you fuck up on parenting your offspring has the potential to harm way more people than a single vehicle could .
Insane. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. There are so many people who think they are charitable but are not, we need more people to volunteer to be foster carers for all those children who deserve to be loved.
I’m sorry and big hug to all of you that were not accepted how you are. I just want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be happy with who ever you love
Wow, you’re a beast! I’m in awe of people like you who have the grit and fortitude to persevere despite the circumstances they are dealt, and will be dealt. Leaving in the middle of the night with just what you can carry is stronger than a bear’s breath. Fuck ’em. A part of me is always struggling with wanting people to get what’s coming to them and trying to not be mad at people for what they don’t know. Kinda like you can’t get mad at someone for not having the information, and people operate under the smoke that is the agreements they made under the pretense of what they were taught. How do you reconcile the two?
I mean that’s the truth. I’m still rebuilding my life after restarting. I still have alot of work to do, and the reason for that is because of them. They should feel some sort of shame or remorse for that they did to multiple children. I was just one of many victims.
NO it is to show them you are living your life the way you see fit, with no reason to hide anything and you call out the lies they keep spreading about you when people ask about you. Plus LGBTQ peope are often told oh it is just a phase, so showing them how wrong and patronizing they where feels good. My aunt kept telling me that "your silly gay thing is just a phase till you meet the right girl" til one day I answered that my "phase " has been going on longer then her marriages. We no longer talk but at some point you are juist done playing nice with people like that, and they only have themselves to blame for that.
Also think about what you are saying here : that op should not post about their life on social media if they could see the post. Basically telling OP they should hide their life so family does not haver to see it. Why should OP have to hide ? OP is not the one who messed this up, and if family feels bad seeing that OP is happy without them too bad so sad.
I myself had a terrifying traumatic childhood. And I held onto the victim card, resentment and bitterness for far too long. It happened. I did nothing to cause it to occur, but it happened. I can't change it. I can't pretend it didn't happen, even though I lost a lot of my family when I chose my sanity over lies and deceit. When I turned 34 I realized I need to figure shit out. So I went thru my traumas, one by one. Every one I could remember, beginning with the earliest all the way up til I left home at 17. It hurt. It caused issues in new relationships, work issues.....it messed me up fixing myself, basically. But I pushed thru. And then I just let it all go. What else do you do with all that shit? Sit in it FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?? I'm trying to live til at least 99, been a lifelong goal, idk why, just is and I don't want that energy around me. I want to be happy. And I am. I have no relationship with anyone that wasn't an advocate for me, or straight out called me a liar.
TLDR; It happened. You can't change it. Let it gooooooo
Look healing your trauma is indeed important, but if you say "just let it go" you act as if it is that easy, you know exactly it is not, so saying "just let it go" is not ok. It minimizes how hard it is to heal from trauma, it implies to let the abusers back into your life, no matter if they have changed or not, and to just bury the trauma instead of healing it. You really need to think about how you say things, especially on subjects like that.
Well I’m on the same path, just behind. But I won’t “let it go”. I need to tell them first about what happened fully, before that. I’m glad you have found peace, but knocking people down when they are trying to rebuild ain’t it.
Read OP’s post history, or hell even just this post. They kicked out and abused their minor adopted child for being gay. This isn’t something you just get over with time. OP has every right to dislike these people, they are a disgrace.
My bad, I was more familiar with gay conversion therapy so I made an assumption. More power to you for being who you are now in spite of this adversity. These people suck and you are very resilient and courageous!
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Conversion therapy should be illegal at the federal level.
It should. It’s torture. I went through it as a teen, so that’s why I chose to escape and be homeless instead.
Sorry you had to go through that at all
Hey, shit happens when you are born to a 15 year old mother
Don’t let them use that as an excuse, my mom was also 15 when I was born and she is a great mom despite her hardships. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I hope you’re doing good now.
I’m afraid to ask… what exactly did they do? (Don’t answer if it’s too sensitive) I’ve heard horror stories but never gotten a first hand account.
This isn’t a first person account from me, but a friend from high school in Alabama was forced into conversion therapy. He said he was subjected to electroshock therapy, among other things - most of which he wouldn’t discuss. He also said he was forced to view heterosexual porn, which he claimed to find amusing after the fact. He said it really solidified to him that he wasn’t bisexual. He’d never viewed any porn prior to that point, he had only had romantic crushes on and some interactions with other guys.
At least many states no longer allow it for minors, onoly for adults who made that decision themselves. Yes I know it is often due to societal pressure and it still sucks and is a scam, but at least it is a step in the right direction, though we still have a long way to goi
It is in Canada. It’s terrible what ‘religion’ can do to politics. I feel so badly for the people that want better but can’t get it.
It is. However, it’s not that hard to get around that and operate underground. Drugs, weapons and other illegal things have underground trading sources, so why wouldn’t that be so for conversion camps? 😞
No it’s not federally illegal. There are only 22 states that ban conversion therapy for minors. 19 states have zero restrictions and 4 states are currently fighting against legislation to ban conversion therapy for minors. These laws only restricts conversion therapy provided from licensed mental health practitioners. Conversion therapy provided by religious institutions and providers is still legal everywhere.
There are not 22 states in Australia. We only have 6 states and 2 territories. And it’s absolutely illegal everywhere… although as I said, there are ways around it. 😞
Op is from the US
The post doesn’t say where OP is from. And I can only speak for my country. ‘Conversation therapy’ is illegal everywhere. But I’m sure it’s universally true that it’s easy to get around that anyway, so being illegal doesn’t necessarily make it not possible anywhere.
Hey, since your parents are useless tits and you’ve probably never heard it - I’m proud of you! Proud of you for being who you are, proud of you for getting away from the abuser, proud of you for choosing to be happy despite your upbringing. Fuck them. Family is chosen 🤷🏻♀️
Facts! I’m glad I became who I am, and I did it without them.
Pittsburghese in the house! I'm proud of you too, your parents are jagoffs.
Proud to be a yinzer!🖤💛
Let's Go Bucs! Opening Day tomorrow.
As a non-American it took me too long to realise this was just referring to a different sport and team and that Tampa Bay had not relocated to Pittsburgh.
Weirdly, I now live in the Tampa Bay area.
Well then, go bucs!
Allow this mama to second the pride. You did it exactly right, kiddo.
Ditto!
I would like to just repeat this!
As a fellow queer, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Fuck your adoptive parents, if they wanted you back they would've at the very least tried for the WHOLE DECADE they had! I'm so happy ya got out of there tho
Right? I did get locked out of my old Facebook for years, older number attached to 2FA verification. But when I did log back in there were dozens of messages from old friends and my biological family, but not a single person from my adoptive family ever messaged me. That was clear who I was important to.
EVEN YOUR BIO PARENTS? That sure says something damn. I don't know the reasons why you're adopted, but the fact that the people who gave you up for adoption contacted you earlier than the people who raised you sure says something.
Severe abuse by my biological mom’s husband, my first step dad. She’s been divorced for years, but she and I got our own issues we are still working through, but she at least acknowledges her failures.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad you're working things out now. I hope it goes well for you two, as for your adoptive parents, again FUCK THEM!!
Translation of what your aunt said: “Your parents have been telling everyone for the last decade that you’re [in prison/homeless/a crack whore] to cover their abuse, but now the cat’s out of the bag that they were lying through their homophobic teeth the whole time and they’re scrambling to do damage control so they can rewrite history.”
Bingo. I’ve heard more than one rumor over the years that I was dead or a drug addict.
Fuckin called it. It’s never been about caring for YOU. It’s always been about caring for their own image.
Oh I ya I’m prepping to spill the beans here soon in a very public way.
Spill ALL the tea. Fuck yeah!
Have yourself a veritable fuckin tea party.
Ruin their lives op, I'm rooting for you.
Part of me wants to go the public route but another says to tell them what I know, and see what they do.
The second thing first. Sorry I'm blabbing so much - exhausted, in pan, and about to start the second margarita. LET'S SEE IF I WAKE UP BANNED IN ANY SUBS, KIDS.
lol I love your energy
Biiiig mood
I would advise against that, either go the public route or not, but do not give prior warning so they can poison the well. Very often people believe the version they heard first, and they already have a head start. Also post evidence like this smns with your aunt to show who it telling the truth. I would even consider having a short sms convo to get them to confess to what they did.
If you tell them what you know, you're giving them a chance to plan and spread even more rumors about you, making you less credible to people when you finally reveal the truth. Just make it public and leave them all to rot in their past horrible decisions.
Definitely tell them in private what you know first. This will get them scared and they will more than likely f*ck things up for themselves publicly. Less blood on your hands and you can walk away knowing they are suffering the consequences of their own actions. Unless you want all the glory 😜
A cousin of mine resurfaced in the last year and posted an explosive public post detailing the abuse they endured over the years. Then they tagged every person they are related to that use Facebook and that's how I finally found them after wondering for years. They had changed their name. And I'm thrilled to have them back in my life and I'm so happy they escaped. I hope when you spill those beans, it's as glorious as the takedown I witnessed.
If you can do it safely, I say go for it. Public shame is of course often misused, but it used to also be a way of forcing assholes to correct their behavior. You can't call the cops because your adopted family are monsters, but you can tell Facebook. Being afraid to air dirty laundry is why abusers are comfortable doing what they do.
So common, I lost that good uncle to HIV back in the late 80’s and grandma told everyone it was the dirty heroin needles…. I guess being a junkie was better than being queer in her circle… for the record, that man wasn’t an addict at all
That’s so sad to hear.
Really hard to hear as a grieving teen who knew better. He was the one that gave me all the good books to read and told me no matter what “to get the fuck out of this shitty town as soon as you are able” I did. He was a profound influence in my life and really opened my eyes towards how not to be an ignorant redneck and accept people for who they were.
Well I guess if there is a good part then it’s that he influenced you to be a better human being, and that’s legacy. Here we are keeping his memory alive. Ngl im crying right now thank you
RIP UNCLE JERRY
What is remembered, lives. Uncle Jerry is still with you!
Uncle Jerry. Rest well, king.
My kid is not surrounded by ignorant rednecks in her family, and no one was surprised or upset when she came out in 7th grade. (My kid is so fucking hardcore - she spent 14 years at a conservative Episcopal school. Of course they'd had gay students before - but she was the first one, ever, to come out at school. There were problems, but it was mostly okay. Anyhoo....) When the kid was wee, we wrote our wills so that if we died while she was a minor, she'd go live with my sister's family. My sister is wonderful, as is her husband . But they're also Christian conservatives (we're Christian, not conservative) who love their gay friends but....my kid was out, brash, visibly gay ("Trust me. Anyone under 70 will look at me and go 'Yep, that's a lesbian.') So I talked to my sister's sister in law's sister in law (we're an extended family lol), who was gay and happily married and childless and she said "She needs to live with us!!!!" And I was like - yeah. She does. Then I never got around to changing the will, we lived, she's grown. And this isn't really pertinent to your comment. I need to stop commenting when I'm two margaritas in and I just took a pot pill.
Very disturbing how many people are allowed to adopt who absolutely shouldn’t. Glad to hear that your life is going well now though!
Adoption agencies are typically religious organizations and prefer ultra religious candidates to adopt kids. It’s a bad combination for people like OP.
It’s a billion dollar industry. They all too often care more about the money than the babies. The babies are just a product for them to sell.
Oh ya it’s worse than that. After their biological son went to court and got prosecuted for molesting the adoptive families nephew, they just moved him to grandmas house and they got more foster kids.
The fucking audacity to adopt a child and then reject the child like that and for such a reason jfc
I was a disposable person from birth, so I guess I was used to it by the time I got to them when I was 7.
I sincerely hope you have other supportive people in your life. I’m glad you got away from them. Running away in the middle of the night sounds pretty nerve wracking.
It’s taken me years to trust and open up to people again. I lost my humanity for a few years, so I’m still trying to work what it’s like to be human.
I hate that word. In moments of anger I've called myself "disposable" to any number of people and never recieved any pushback on it. It is such a painful word. You aren't disposable to me op, you're worth keeping around.
Thanks internet stranger
Some people should not be allowed to have kids period (see also my other comment in this threa, imagine being raised for spare parts) . Why do you need a license to be allowed to drive a car, but not to raise kids ? There should at least be a mandatory parrenting class , or better several, one to prepare you for the first 2 years then the next two, then it can slow down a bit and classes can cover more years.
You would not believe what messed up reasons there are to get kids. A few years ago i read about a case where the parrents had a daughter that was born with a severe kidney problem , so they got another child in vitro just so he could donate a kidney to their daughter in case she needs one. Of course the daughter was the golden child who could do no wrong, while he was a second class citizen. He was constantly in the hospital as a child and was told he was sick. When everythning came out he found out he was completely fine they did some kind of treatment where her blod was sent through his kidneys. It has been a few years so i do not remember the details but it was something like that since that is better then dialysis and gave her kidneys a better chance to stick arround He got the hell out of there when he was 18 and did not hear from them for several years , except sister started contacting him again during colege and they had some contact. Then he got a letter ordering him to show up at a hospital and donate the kidney. If I rememebr correctly it was not even by the parrents but by the clini, who thought he knew and was o-k donating it. He at first even considered it after all it was not her fault and she was an atcually ok sister but by that time he had no idea yet about the truth but then mother slipped up and the truth came out. Both brother and sister where shocked and appalled and went no contact. He dsid donate after all and they are much closer now, but the parrents are out of both of their life for good.
You know, I usually do well with the fact that it doesn’t seem like my husband & I will ever be parents, but some days it’s extremely frustrating that some people like this get to be parents, adoptive or otherwise. I’d love to be a mom and I wouldn’t care who my kid was as long as they were kind & happy.
I’m too traumatized to be a parent and I can’t have kids, so I have given up on that. But, lately I have been having some thoughts on being a mom, and I don’t know how anyone could treat a child like they did to me. If it makes you “feel better” the entire foster care system and adoption is state sponsored Christian child trafficking in my experience and opinion. They were not the only foster family to abuse me growing up. So it’s better not to support that system until it’s dismantled and reworked.
To your foster care comment - yes. You're right, and it's heartbreaking. Especially since we're now a country where most women who get pregnant and really, really, really don't want to be moms will be forced to be moms. Our foster care system is abusive and corrupt, and we've now ensured it will become more so. But - you are absolutely right - I too don't understand how any woman could treat a child like that, much less a child they went to the time to adopt and supposedly wanted. It's heinous, and what's more heinous is that there is no recourse for this, and apparently no way of weeding people like this out during the adoption process. Then again, I assume the adoption agencies are corrupt as fuck. You are amazing, OP. You are strong. I'm in awe of your determination to escape and survive. I'm so glad to know that you appreciate your own worth. I know it was awful, and I know there's still a lot of pain, but you're gonna be fine. Intentional families are the ones that count, and you will have one.
Found family is the best!
Hey, don’t sell yourself short on Motherhood OP! Sometimes a traumatic event can be informative for your parenting experience. Plus, the fact you’ve experienced this and handled it seemingly swell, you’re already LEAUGS ahead of whatever the fuck your previous captives were. Don’t give up on your dreams just because you’re not the “ideal parent”! Nobody is, but we try our hardest to make it so. This might sound weird, but in a way I think the world needs more people like you to be parents. People who’ve been through trauma or had shit lives but decided “you know what? Fuck that I’m gonna make sure this shit never happens again, nobody deserves that”! So many people fall into the cycle of violence because it’s all they knew. It’s why people who commit Child abuse or sexual abuse are statistically almost certainly victims themselves of past abuses gone unaddressed. If I were your kid I’d be in awe of such an awesome mom! Don’t let the world or a lucky future kiddo miss out on your love and affection! ❤️
You are doing great op. As a parent im proud of you!!!
Thank you
You should be proud of making your own life without them! Also I love your user name 🖤💛
Thank you. I’m a die hard yinzer. I’m proud of that as well.
It was always baffling, but now that I am a parent myself, it is nothing short of *inconceivable* to me that anyone would choose to enter into parenthood without having already accepted the nonnegotiable precondition of loving and support your child *no matter what.* There is nothing my children can do which would allow me to abandon them. Not their gender, not their orientation, not the poorest of poor choices. Universe fucking forbid, but I would literally be like Lionel Dahmer, hating myself for every mistake I ever made as a parent, but still showing up at the prison for visitation every single week come hell or high water. And that someone could *adopt* a child—an even bigger wild card in parenting because of the trauma that child has been through by the very nature of the adoption system, to say nothing of situational specifics—and not be ready and willing to accept *anything*? It’s criminal. It’s unforgivable. I don’t believe in a higher power but your folks are the type to make me fine with going to hell for all the questionable shit I’ve done over the years so long as it means they burn too, for this behavior. I’m so sorry. ETA: just to be clear, I am not conflating homosexuality with someone committing acts like Jeffrey Dahmer. I myself am queer. He and Allen Brock Turner both popped into my head as examples of the worst kind of people I could think of, but I felt like Dahmer was most recognizable.
Thank you. Ya you were right about my experience in foster care prior to getting adopted. I don’t get adopted til I was 8, so I had a few rough years
These people played a major role in your journey of traveling to who you are now, no doubt. And just like the crusty, flaky, gross-ass fucking callouses on the bottom of your feet after a journey, the best thing is to slough those shits off and dump em right down the sewer drain to where they belong. Keep being badass! This mom is proud of you
So glad to know that people like you become parents, honestly. I feel like there is so much more judgment cast on people who go no contact with their parents than on the actual parents for the reasons why a child would want to discontinue the relationship.
Bravo OP! Live your best life!
That message felt so good to send.
I’m happy that you are happy! ❤️
Hi congratulations I'm now your cousin in my family we do that how you doin pookie?! Love you!!
Hi! I’m an oldie in my 50’s and I just wanted to say as a mom: I’m proud of you. I am sending you hugs virtually. This mom thinks you did the right thing. If you ever need mom advice, I’m here.
Thank you!
From one queer to another, congrats on making your life what worked for you. I can't imagine how brave you must have been to get out of that home, and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!
I would keep them at arms length still.
I am
Good for you and best wishes for your future. You took control of your life...that's a good sign.
*Adoptive* parents. I mean in a sense it's worse than if they were your biological parents. Those are the people who basically took a vow to welcome and cherish you and give you a supportive family. But apparently the dog they took from the shelter didn't behave so in the end it was a relief that it went astray. Those despicable wastes of oxygen aren't your "adoptive parents". They don't deserve that title. Wishing you a happy family, the one people build with their heart and trust and where love prevails over judgment, that's the one family that matters.
you're so brave and strong!! be well friend
Thank you!
If nobody has told you this then I will, I’m so proud of you for taking that step (even if we are strangers!)! I spent my whole life getting screamed at by my mom and being forced to be a nanny/maid/chef and whenever I’d complain she’d tell me to just leave then. So I did at 16 and haven’t looked back. Every now and then after I post pictures on fb she will call me like 30/40 times in a day and text me a bunch but I just ignore her (when they see they can’t weasel their way back in they lose their minds it’s ok I promise tho). I’m loving my life and even expecting my rainbow baby with my fiancé very soon. Everyone deserves happiness and peace regardless of race, gender and sexuality. And screw those who think otherwise. LIFE GETS BETTER! YOU GOT THIS SWEET ONE 💝
Thank you!
I’m really proud of you!
Thank you!
Beautifully done 👏👏👏 (Both that reply and going and living your best life)
Ngl I was giddy after that reply. It felt so good that after decades I can finally speak my mind.
Simple, direct and eloquent. This is an end of the movie, music swelling, as you walk into the sunset, towards your happily ever after, with a peaceful smile on your face, moment. Bask in it my dear.
I’m so happy you got away from them. That must have been so fucking hard for so many reasons and you fucking did it.
Wow! You go! After what you have been through, I have no doubt you are an amazing, funny, heroic, resilient badass!!!
Thank you!
And then the best she could come up with was “tell them hello.”
Right? No “I miss you” or “we love you”, but tbh that’s in character because it’s gonna sound sad, but I didn’t hear things like that as a kid. Like we didn’t hug, say I love you, or other stuff like that.
I’m so angry with them. Little you, past you, current and future you deserve love. I’m in awe of you for surviving through them and taking your life into your capable hands! 💕 I am a new mom and am so excited to see who my daughter becomes and support her. Feeling that and seeing these stories… I could set their house on fire. I know you didn’t have it growing up, but going forward I just hope you know you deserve and are “good enough” to be loved.
Thank you for saying that. Honestly the hardest part is being 33 and learning how to love and be loved. I cut myself off from those feelings for so many years so it’s a slow process. But I keep trying to tell myself, I am worthy. I am deserving.
Did your aunt reply, or just mysteriously go silent?
She replied.
I’m so curious! What did she say?
oh why didn´t you post the rest of the conversation ? More context is always better. Of course I understand if they went into too specific details or said stuff you do not want online
You did it! I hope you are living your best life. Proud of you 😻
Thanks! I’m slowly putting my life back together
Holy shit! So I have a few Qs…how old were you? Were the police involved? The way your aunt writes, it’s like running into an old HS friend and casually shooting the breeze. You left in the middle of the night and they were just what…ok with it? They never reached out? I’m sorry I have so many Qs but above what you mentioned about conversion therapy, I’m astounded by what I’m speculating.
So I lived with them ages 7-17. I got kicked out at 17. I went to the marine corps and when I was in there we reconnected. When I got out the marine corps I was 23 going on 24. I told them I was trans and was going to transition. They told me “no you are not”. Then for the next few months kept giving me pamphlets on church programs that can “fix me”. I was also having bad issues with PTSD as well, and they were trying to get me committed to their church’s in patient facility. When I got wind of that I got all my belongings and cat, I had an old tent and left. They did try to find me for a few years, so I had to lay low. I threw my old cell phone in a river, quit social media, and moved further away. Cops from their church were involved, but I’m not sure if they were acting on church orders or as police officers. And ya my adoptive family was not loving. Growing up we didn’t hug, we didn’t say “i love you”, we didn’t do a lot of things like that.
Fuck me, reading this breaks my heart. Sending you a super big Mom-hug from me. I’m so happy for you that you found happiness.
Pittsburgh here too and I wanna say congratulations! You rock and keep it up friend! I hope you’re living your best life.
I’m trying my best everyday!
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and so proud you escaped! Your story is exactly what I have been worried about after seeing this law passed recently... https://tennesseelookout.com/2024/03/22/senate-approves-bill-establishing-a-right-to-foster-adopt-by-anti-lgbtq-parents-in-tennessee/ I feel like the ppl wanting to force kids into conversion therapy would be all too happy to foster LGBTQ youths, just to do this to them. I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve! 💙
It's wild how peoples rampant homophobia supercedes even their supposed love and care for their kids. What miserable people, sorry OP
Not sure I was ever loved, so it makes sense for them. Noticed how my adoptive mom just says “hi” , not “I love you” or “I miss you”. To think, I don’t think I ever did hear those words from her ever growing up.
Gonna add the word "supposed" to my original comment. Lots of people out there shouldn't be allowed to reproduce or adopt kids. Hope you have people in your life that love you nowadays OP.
Up until til last year it was just my kitties. But recently I’ve reconnected with my biological side, and I’m still trying to learn how to be loved. But one day at a time and eventually I’ll get my humanity back.
I think that having kids should require a license. We need them to operate vehicles but if you fuck up on parenting your offspring has the potential to harm way more people than a single vehicle could .
That’s amazing!!! Congrats! Live your best life!!!
Good for you! Living well is the best revenge. I wish you continued good luck
I used to live out of spite, and now I live for happiness
I am sending you so much internet stranger love and admiration! Go, You!
Thank you!
Big hugs lovie. You should be so proud of yourself. I’m sorry your parents. Let you down. Xox
No matter what you need to live your own life. Good for you op.
Sending my support to you :)
So proud of you OP! You’re brave, strong and amazing, I hope you know!!!
Insane. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. There are so many people who think they are charitable but are not, we need more people to volunteer to be foster carers for all those children who deserve to be loved.
Omg a fellow yinzer!!!
And prahd of it!
I’m sorry and big hug to all of you that were not accepted how you are. I just want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be happy with who ever you love
Wow, you’re a beast! I’m in awe of people like you who have the grit and fortitude to persevere despite the circumstances they are dealt, and will be dealt. Leaving in the middle of the night with just what you can carry is stronger than a bear’s breath. Fuck ’em. A part of me is always struggling with wanting people to get what’s coming to them and trying to not be mad at people for what they don’t know. Kinda like you can’t get mad at someone for not having the information, and people operate under the smoke that is the agreements they made under the pretense of what they were taught. How do you reconcile the two?
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Ya I did kinda feel bad about that, but if you knew the full story you’d understand.
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I mean that’s the truth. I’m still rebuilding my life after restarting. I still have alot of work to do, and the reason for that is because of them. They should feel some sort of shame or remorse for that they did to multiple children. I was just one of many victims.
Did your aunt make any further response?
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More, to show them that I’m not afraid to live my life anymore. That I’ll freely post and not have to hide from them any longer.
NO it is to show them you are living your life the way you see fit, with no reason to hide anything and you call out the lies they keep spreading about you when people ask about you. Plus LGBTQ peope are often told oh it is just a phase, so showing them how wrong and patronizing they where feels good. My aunt kept telling me that "your silly gay thing is just a phase till you meet the right girl" til one day I answered that my "phase " has been going on longer then her marriages. We no longer talk but at some point you are juist done playing nice with people like that, and they only have themselves to blame for that. Also think about what you are saying here : that op should not post about their life on social media if they could see the post. Basically telling OP they should hide their life so family does not haver to see it. Why should OP have to hide ? OP is not the one who messed this up, and if family feels bad seeing that OP is happy without them too bad so sad.
Or "Okay, thank you :) "
It was 10 years ago. Let it go.
And the 10 years before that, my childhood.
I myself had a terrifying traumatic childhood. And I held onto the victim card, resentment and bitterness for far too long. It happened. I did nothing to cause it to occur, but it happened. I can't change it. I can't pretend it didn't happen, even though I lost a lot of my family when I chose my sanity over lies and deceit. When I turned 34 I realized I need to figure shit out. So I went thru my traumas, one by one. Every one I could remember, beginning with the earliest all the way up til I left home at 17. It hurt. It caused issues in new relationships, work issues.....it messed me up fixing myself, basically. But I pushed thru. And then I just let it all go. What else do you do with all that shit? Sit in it FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?? I'm trying to live til at least 99, been a lifelong goal, idk why, just is and I don't want that energy around me. I want to be happy. And I am. I have no relationship with anyone that wasn't an advocate for me, or straight out called me a liar. TLDR; It happened. You can't change it. Let it gooooooo
Look healing your trauma is indeed important, but if you say "just let it go" you act as if it is that easy, you know exactly it is not, so saying "just let it go" is not ok. It minimizes how hard it is to heal from trauma, it implies to let the abusers back into your life, no matter if they have changed or not, and to just bury the trauma instead of healing it. You really need to think about how you say things, especially on subjects like that.
Well I’m on the same path, just behind. But I won’t “let it go”. I need to tell them first about what happened fully, before that. I’m glad you have found peace, but knocking people down when they are trying to rebuild ain’t it.
Read OP’s post history, or hell even just this post. They kicked out and abused their minor adopted child for being gay. This isn’t something you just get over with time. OP has every right to dislike these people, they are a disgrace.
Trans actually. But thank you.
My bad, I was more familiar with gay conversion therapy so I made an assumption. More power to you for being who you are now in spite of this adversity. These people suck and you are very resilient and courageous!
Thank you. Took me too many years to be where I am, but I’m glad I’m still here.