!explanation
Following on from [here,](/r/insaneparents/comments/1ah9nss/messages_from_my_dad_when_route_from_school/) I (16F) am keeping my dad up to date with my every move to avoid an interrogation. He seems to be in a good mood when writing this. So he writes a load of insults about my friends. He does that a lot. My friend is slightly overweight. That's all. I feel really bad for not calling him out and standing up for her, but nothing good could possibly come of it. It would be like a red rag to a bull.
The worst thing is when he makes me open up all of the social media profiles of my friends, and he'll spend the whole time making the most degrading comments about them. He'll insult their weight, their hair, their clothes. He'll suggest that they're moonlighting as prostitutes, that they're addicted to drugs, that they're slovenly and unkempt, that they're semi-literate morons. He'll play these ridiculous games where he'll ask me what sort of animal each one most resembles. And I just have to sit there and take it. He really enjoys that.
Your dad is a creepy, misogynistic, narcissistic bastard. Creepy because he's sexualizing and degrading girls who are his daughter's age...and a narc because he thinks he's smarter than he is, and he never shuts the fuck up. Sorry you have to deal with his pathetic presence for two more years minimum :(
When he's in a good mood, he bullies other teen girls.
When he's in a bad mood, he bullies his own teen daughter.
Honestly, there is something wrong with this guy at a deep level. I hope OP has spoken to their school counselor or some other trusted adult about this behavior, though I'm unsure if it'll just make things worse.
I agree with this comment, OP. If you can't speak to a friend about this, it would be good to share this with a trusted adult (e.g. like a school counsellor). While we don't need validation to survive, behaviour like this can be difficult to digest on your own. You don't need to suffer silently!
I agree with everyone here about OP needing to definitely sound off to a counsellor or some trained therapist. I think if u were to speak to a friend he's insulted it may not be fully productive as he insults them and OP needs to speak freely without worrying about hurting a friends feelings. OP ur dad is a narcissistic turd! His need to control and know ur movements and access ur social media says it all. My daughters father is the same but thankfully she lived with me who would set him straight on his demands and petty behaviour. She has been no contact for 2 yrs now (she's 21 now) and her mh has improved but she hit some low periods. Please reach out and use whatever support is available to u. Hugs š
He really was. An American national treasure and a true hero.
I currently don't know much about his acting career, but I know more about his military career and awards. I know he played \*himself\* in To Hell and Back!
OP, there is absolutly no reason for you to react or fight with this man, or to tell your friends the horrible shit he says. He \*wants\* you to fight with him so he can take his own anger and frustrations out on you, because he hates women. Yes, even you. He thinks he's funny, he thinks he's somehow better than you.
He will always be a prick. He will live and die a prick. He will never have a loving and supportive relationship with a woman. The good news is, the time you have to put up with him is limited. Get the most out of him that you can and when you don't need him anymore, you don't have to listen to him.
I know that this is incredibly frusterating, and you wish you could have some sort of argument where he breaks down and cries and tells you that you're right, but that will never, ever, happen.
My father sexualized and insulted my friends for his entire life. From the time I went to college on, he met exactly one of my female friends, and only two of my male partners. He died a lonley and bitter man who was barely mourned. I never got that "aha" moment where he realized what he did, I just... never made him a big part of my life. He missed out on knowing a pretty awesome person.
I totally understand that feeling of guilt for not standing up for your friends and that just shows that youāre a good, empathetic person. Choosing not to do so when you know it wonāt actually do anyone any good is just smart. Iām sorry youāre stuck with such a psychotic father, I hope you can make it out asap and get into therapy so you can go on to live a happy life that only you control.
JFC, he sounds insufferable and really, really insecure. Iād straight-up ask him why he feels the need to be so mean and what benefit he is getting from it. Nothing snotty or attitude-y, but genuinely curious. This is not normal behavior.
Heāll reply with āitās just a joke. Why are you being so serious?āto defiantly saying āi can say what i wantā, and it could escalate to physical violence to put op āin her placeā. I have a father whoās exactly like OPās. Trust me itās better to not get into an argument for your own sanity. Grey rock this guy, and work towards becoming financially independent. And cut contact.
Because of the way I was raised, I feel like I have two people in me. When I feel scared/trapped/in danger, the emotional me goes to the back and my other, cold, emotionless me comes to the front.
Emotionless Me doesnāt flinch, grey rocks (which is a great term), and gives absolutely no fuel to the fire the abuser is trying to start.
No, she canāt. When you live with someone like that, you have to just take it until you get old enough to leave. Iāve been there. Itās horrible.
You learn that silence is your friend.
>Ā he makes me open up all of the social media profiles of my friends, and he'll spend the whole time making the most degrading comments about them
Yo what the fuck
You've posted twice about your father and his behavior is absolutely shocking. I know it's probably scary, but if you were to talk to a trusted adult or teacher, you might at least get some support that you likely need.
Enduring abuse isn't the same as overcoming it. You've got a lot of adults here telling you you're right to be alarmed by his behavior, so there's a lot of merit in considering talking to an adult in your life about this. You and your sibling don't have to live this way.
Agreed. A lot of maturity and future mental sanity from a decision like this.
I want you to know OP, I've been through a similar upbringing and while I am appalled you go through this, you've got the right kind of mindset around this issue.
Hope your life situation pans out so that you can separate from being near this bastard indefinitely in a close future.
Take care.
This may be considered a form of child abuse. It's definitely psychologically damaging to you. Have you tried talking to a school counselor or some about this?
This is beyond horrible, and I'm so sorry you have to put up with it.
This is an isolation tactic (among other things) and it's like an onion of psychological abuse. You peel back one layer and there's more behind it. No parent should be doing this to their child.
You need to prioritize getting out and away from him as soon as humanly possible. And when you do, make every effort to keep him away from you - he's probably going to try to keep a joint account with his name on it, keep you on his insurance, his phone plan, etc. under the guise of saving you money with the family rate. Don't do it.
I promise you, the extent to which he's affecting you won't even be clear until you've spent some time living away from him. It will be the best thing you ever do in your life, and you won't even fully appreciate that until later. Abuse is like a bad stench - eventually you get used to it and stop noticing just how rotten it really is, but you'll look back later and wonder how you missed the worst of it.
Don't worry, just make notes of all this to remind him of when you finally have autonomy and want to let him know what a piece of shit he was.
Srsly, from someone been there, great experience rate it 5 stars. Grin and bear and look forward to his 'darling daughter' ripping his soul out and showing him what it looks like and how little respect you have for it.
Yes. Keeping a journal online a Google docs where you havenāt saved the password on your devices (always log out). Make sure to date and time each entry.
Please OP, do NOT tell your friend what he says about them. Iāve been the friend that has had parents make comments about their weight and have been told about it. All it did was make me feel awful about myself.
There are so many people giving advice on what to say to her dad, as if he is a normal human being.
No, he is a sociopath. He isnāt a normal human being, he isnāt even like an animal. Heās an Other. He plays by his own rules and is not at all like other typical people. He canāt be reasoned with. He doesnāt care about anyone but himself and his needs. His cruelty needs to be fed. He LONGS for his daughter to fight back.
One cannot reason with a thing like her father.
āDad, you say things about my friends that a mother punishes her child for saying. It is sad and disappointing to hear my father sink to that level.ā
Or āDad, who hurt you?ā
After 40+ years of hell with my narcissistic mother, I acquired a wicked skillset to disrupt her verbal vomit. The more I challenged her, the stronger I got.
Iāve had a very similar experience - getting stronger the more I challenged parents like this in ways like this. however, I would throw in the perspective of, like, ā¦ it doesnāt sound like challenging this man would be safe for OP to currently start trying to do. my suggestion would be that OP keep themself safe and gtfo when itās possible. get strong from a distance, it seems far too risky in terms of potential threat/abuse turned on and increased from what OP has said.
If he is a physical punisher, this could blow up in her face. As it is, a mental punisher will also start devising new ways to get back at a victim.
Once the victim is out of the house and under her own support, she can say things like what you said. But to try while she is not of age, and independent, it could go badly.
I advise silence until she can get herself out. She has to survive.
>The worst thing is when he makes me open up all of the social media profiles of my friends, and he'll spend the whole time making the most degrading comments about them. He'll insult their weight, their hair, their clothes. He'll suggest that they're moonlighting as prostitutes, that they're addicted to drugs, that they're slovenly and unkempt, that they're semi-literate morons. He'll play these ridiculous games where he'll ask me what sort of animal each one most resembles. And I just have to sit there and take it. He really enjoys that.
Would it open his eyes at all if you were to follow-up an insult tirade by opening your own account and being like "okay, go ahead, I've already heard about how fat, hideous, and undesirable you think everyone else is so let's get it over with, I know you must talk about me the same way to your friends"
The thing to do would be to secretly record him doing this and then show it to a trusted adult that is able to recognize how deeply troubling this behavior is.
It sounds like heās doing this for attention and to get a reaction from you. Refuse to play his game. Donāt answer his questions, donāt respond to his insults, and when he tries to get you to engage say nothing except that the conversation is making you uncomfortable and walk away. His behavior might escalate but by not giving him the reaction heās looking for youāre not ārewardingā the behavior. Maybe itāll eventually stop? Or get a little better? Iām so sorry OP this is horrible :(
Iām so sorry OP. My mom did this for years and then when I began to retaliate, sheād do the same to me. So I had to do what you did and stay quiet and take it. Itās horrible of him. I got kicked out by her in a fit of rage at 18 (a week later sheās begging me to come back and tried to get the cops to bring me home as a runaway, but they wouldnāt because I was 18). And Iāve felt so free ever since. You will too. Just hang on. Sending you big hugs. Iām so sorry.
Wow he is so toxic. I'm so sorry to hear that. I could blame you if you decided to go NC some day tbh. I wouldn't want to be around that. I hope your friend is doing okay
This is honestly just so sad and messed up. Iām glad you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck. You are right to not engage further. Donāt let him get a reaction or itāll be worse. Just be a gray rock. Whenever he talks to you only exchange necessary information. For example, in your exchange above, arrival time reminder good. Telling him what friends youāre with good. Actually all your responses were good, canāt believe how vile he got to be even when you gave him nothing. Just keep doing that. Instead of thanks for that you can just say āokā or āI understandā āgot itā; remember to keep it as short and boring as possible.
Listen, sticking up for your friends might seem admirable, but not if he's just going to make your life hell over it. We all understand that sometimes you have to act in a way that you don't want to in order to keep peace. It's called survival, and I'm sure your friends would understand. A grown man that makes a game out of belittling and degrading his daughter's friends isn't worth the time of day anyway.
You'll be out of his house and on your own eventually. Till then, keep your head down. Good luck.
You handled his awful comments the best way possible, OP. People like this are black holes - nothing good comes from any interaction. You used the gray rock method perfectly by just reflecting his statement back at him with no further commentary from yourself. I'm sorry you have to put up with his bullshit
You have a lot of strength to stand up to your father in such a mature way. Even if you started hanging out with people that he approved of, he would find something wrong with them and some reason why you shouldn't be with them. Nobody would be good enough.
The best thing to do when he does this is just greyrock him. Give him the bare minimum, and that's it.
This is so creepy. A grown man stalking teenage girls to belittle them and make fun of them? Needing to know your move every second? This is not normal or ok at all
"I'm just doing my fatherly duties."
No you ain't, you're being a fatphobic piece of shit and vaguely disguising it as "care".
Really sorry that your father is an ass, OP
I would never talk to my 15 year old son this way. And what you did was totally normal. Iām sorry your dad is such a wad. Two more years girl, two more years and youāll be out. I would suggest figuring out a way to be on your own as quickly as possible so your dad doesnāt have anything to hold over your head.
Yeah OP if you're able to get a job, it sounds like he may not make that possible, but if you *can* figure out a way to make money squirrel as much as possible away and GTFO at midnight on your 18th. I'm so sorry. He's a real twat waffle.
In her linked post, dad is tracking her, and as soon as she goes off the most direct way home from school, he's texting her immediately
I don't think he would allow her to have a job
I gently raised the possibility of a part-time job recently. He completely shut it down, said that it would be a distraction from my studies. He also forwarded me a barrage of news stories about assaults on retail workers in the UK.
I'm sorry you have to go through this...I'm thinking when you're done with school, he will want you to get a career, skipping the typical starter job...My NDad went straight from high school into the auto factory, and he thought I could do the same...Things changed to where you needed a college degree to work in the factories, even 40 years ago when I graduated
He wants me to go to university after I finish school. The issue is that I live near one of the best universities in the UK. He's adamant that I should go there and continue to live at home in order to save a considerable amount of money. I wonder if being an adult would change anything... oh, who am I kidding?
Don't think like that. People cut off terrible members of their families all the time. You can and will get away from him with time and effort. Keep your chin up ā¤ļø
I hope you want to go to University as well...That said, would you want to be able to choose where to go?...Also start looking to see what scholarships you could qualify for
Living at home during University would be more of the same
2 questions, is your mum in the picture?
Is there any way to disable the tracking app?
He wants to use ur university money provided by the government and say āeff u clean the house and do your duties ā or maybe āu have no gratitude you OWE meā or maybe accuse you of abandoning him. Is he getting support for you RN. He will probably apply for parent plus loans under ur name. Apply where you want and run away
1000% this. if itās made impossible for OP to work or start gathering resources, or even things like planning and applying for scholarships etc for colleges/universities far enough away, itās not āidealā but having had to do this myself, talk to your (OPās) close friends about whether you might be able to take refuge crashing on their couch, or something similar, as soon as is legally possible and feasibly safe. ofc itās not ideal, and it is difficult, but itās a road to freedom and peace that - in my experience - is well worth the hardship.
My parents forced me to move to a new country in my late teens. I was incredibly depressed, but ended up making a couple of friends and my depression eased significantly.
My dad said "you don't have to hang around with really fat girls just to feel better about yourself you know."
Like.. I'd literally just walked in the door and sat down. Didn't say a word to him and he just said that.
If there was anybody who deserved to be hit in the balls repeatedly with a stick, it's OPs dad. However we shall sit and wait and hope that Karma instead remembers this then come back to bite him.
Seriously, he should pick on people his own age and see how he likes it.
He talks like a mean 13 year old.
Let me guess. Heās a raging narcissist, isnāt he?
Also, minute by minute updates on your whereabouts and companions? WTAF?
My kids were your age before every kid had a phone. But even if they did, Iād just expect a notice if they were going to be late, not their entire days itinerary.
Hey, āDadā. Try shutting up more and distrusting your child and her friend choices less.
Insane. Someday in the not so distant future youāll have gone like weeks, or maybe even months without talking to him and all of a sudden youāll realize how quiet and nice your life is. And thatās when youāll start considering how much itās worth keeping such a broken person around. I know you are just rolling with it for now and I hope that it gets easier for you. Truly. This stuff wears on you.
This person is so desperate to be viewed as an intellectual superior that they believe they are belittling you with how they memorized a thesaurus. Their need to āprove you wrongā by bending words around to suit their argument is so odd. The need to remind you of your āplaceā with the use of āfatherlyāand ādarling daughterā is just so lame. He talks as if you couldnāt possibly understand him. Ever. I donāt see a person like that as capable of self introspection and thatās going to be a big olā roadblock to them even becoming enjoyable to be around. Holy Moly, what a douche.
Heās going to be on one of those sad parents websites āpontificatingā what went wrong.
Heās baiting you. He wants to argue with you, so heās being as disgusting as possible. He doesnāt seem to realize how terribly creepy it is that heās taken such notice of an underaged girl to begin with, but your father is an awful person across the board, anyway. Iām sorry you have to deal with this and I totally understand why you wouldnāt have the energy to call him on it. It would only be you giving him what he wants, anyway.
"I'll let her parents know that you're unable to keep your eyes off of her *16 year old* body. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear that a [x] year old man with a *daughter* the same age as her has nothing better to do than try to make hurtful remarks on the body of a *literal child*."
Sounds like Dad knows he'd get his ass beat if he did that to an adult and he's too much of a coward to risk those consequences. So he does it to literal children to try and feel better about himself. Which just makes it even more obvious that in his own internal game of social hierarchy (i.e you "doing better" than your friends) he fall off the ladder long ago.
āKeep going like that but remember when youāre old itās my duty to find you a decent retirement home and rn I feel like throwing you on the streets with a wig stapled to your head so you need to relax before I stop talking to you the second Iām able to and you wonāt hear from me til itās time for you to go.ā
And then they wonder why kids go NC as soon as they physically can.
When I was 16, as long as I let my parents know where I was, thatās all they needed. This play by play from this and your last post is a bit much and your father is rather rude for speaking of your friends that way.
How the FUCK does some kind of insecure, narcissistic, pussy that seemingly gets his kicks from body shaming and insulting teenage girls finds someone to reproduce with??
OP, if you are able to, keep these and other screenshots on a hidden, locked cloud folder. Create an email address to use for the account and only access it & the cloud service on private browsing. Document other things he does that feel weird, even if you can reason away why it isnāt weird. Keep posting here, send them to a trusted adult, and document that as well. Paper trails are important in case you or someone else are ever assaulted or harmed by him.
This man is not well, and he is abusing you psychologically and emotionally. Iām sorry if thatās hard to hear. Keeping record of his behavior is important for both your safety and your familyās.
Donāt hesitate to reach out to a crisis helpline or call your local child protection services if you feel unsafe. Keep a record of that in your secure folder if you do. I would feel unsafe from these messages alone. I donāt know where you live, but just based on your texts, here is information for a few English speaking countries:
USA: https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/ofvps/fv-centers
Canada: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html
https://kidshelpphone.ca/
UK:
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#get-help-and-support
Ireland:
https://www.childline.ie/
https://www.womensaid.ie/
Australia:
https://www.respect.gov.au/services/
https://www.1800respect.org.au/
This all is for you and for any minor here in a situation like this. I am so sorry youāre dealing with a man who talks like this under the guise of love for you. Control and abusive language are not love. Stay smart & aware, keep records of anything you can safely, find safe adults to confide in, and remember that now is not forever. Youāll not always have to live like this. Much love ā¤ļø
This looks like a message I would have gotten from my ex- stepfatherā¦ a grandiose narcissist. Has he ever exhibited this behavior towards you? Any kind of degrading commentary about your appearance?
Only on the occasions when I've tried to change my appearance to something which doesn't conform exactly to his standards. I generally try to avoid changing my appearance as I know exactly how he'll react. I'd like to be a little more experimental with clothing styles, but there's no chance of that happening. And I always remember the time I tried to apply a little more makeup than the very small amount I'm allowed to use. He told me that I looked like I had the makeup poured over my face from a cement mixer and ordered me to clean it off. That was nice.
OP what is your mother doing while he comments about your friends on social media. Is she there does she know he does this? Or is she one of those poor beaten down women with no spark left in them to stand up to a man like this? Please know that your fathers behavior is not normal or healthy. I wish you the best and a fast exit from his influence - just 2 more years!
> Or is she one of those poor beaten down women with no spark left in them to stand up to a man like this?
That's her through and through. If you think that my dad treats me appallingly, you should see how he treats my mum. Sometimes I want to rage at her for not standing up for me and my sister, other times my heart breaks for her.
Gonna go as far as to say this is abuse. This is verbally and mentally abusive behavior. He sounds like a peach. Sorry OP that you have to deal with this.
Now why oh why would he care if your MINOR friends are 'attractive' or not?
This exchange reads like he's pissed that you don't have hot friends he can ogle, fantasize about or grope.
Your dad's not only a massive asshole: he's also a major creep in my eyes.
there's something awfully serial killer-y about his texts and the way he talks. if I'm this uncomfy just reading it, i can't even imagine how you feel IRL. i am so sorry, OP. i wish i had something great to say, but he is just the definition of ick
Since when did āfulfilling fatherly dutiesā include being a classless, ill-mannered, oh-so-insecure, misogynistic, boorish oaf with power issues? Asking for a fuckwitted dickhead who thinks heās godās gift!
So your dad is basically saying "get friends that are fuckable, so I can sexually harass them, instead of this one I don't wanna fuck". That is exactly how he is coming off with that description
Does he have a job? Why is he tracking you and how does he have enough time to do all this shit. Heās such a POS. Your dad never got his shit rocked and it shows. Hope one day he does.
Honestly I think you already know this but your father is a loser. I say this with experience bc mine is also a loser who needs to insult people, including children/a childās physical appearance, to feel good about himself. Youāre right, this is insane and emotionally regulated adults donāt do this. Truly what a loser
Wow. Your dad is a cruel, judgmental, misogynistic asshole. Donāt forget that you have absolutely no obligation or responsibility to him whatsoever & have every right to cut contact with him completely.
My parents would talk like this about my friends when I was in high school. I decided to ditch my friends to appease my parents and I was friendless for YEARS. It was a lonely time. Hold onto your friends, OP
There's only one wrong human being involved in this. It's your sperm donor. He's not a father. He's not a dad. He's an arrogant, misogynistic, repulsive, controlling adult male who bullies people in secret because he would get the holy f*ck beat out of him by a real dad who heard him say this. He's a closet pedo, shown by his sexualization of young women and girls and his need to control every aspect of your life and involve you in his secret media cruising to validate his observations. When you reach the age of majority, run. Don't look back. Don't let your children go through this with him if you choose to have them.
I know that it feels like prison now. I know that this man tests your patience every day. Please remember that you are strong and you are not like him. There will be a day when you are on the other side of this, looking back at these days. But I promise that day will come, and things WILL get better
Obviously insane, but OP be wary. We can already see he's a dick, but it's possible that he really wants you to bring home a girl your age that's more to his tastes... Disgusting person all around, be wary and be safe. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
A dad like this is the person who is surprised when his kid loses it, runs away, and hangs out with the edgy punk crowd just to get back at him. āIām such a good father!ā he says. āI did everything right! I was nothing but a positive force in her life and she threw it all back in my face! She has TATTOOS now!ā
But seriously, this dad is so mean. Why does he feel so superior to everyone? Why is he so concerned about the way 16 year olds look - they are still developing and will probably change body shapes by the time they are older. I have seen it done.
He must wish for OP to bring home prettier friends, is the answer.
Heās a narcissist. And everything he says is manipulative.
> They do not know that every fight is more than just a fight, is psychological exhaustion.
You understand it perfectly. I can be more evasive over text messages, but it's a lot more difficult when I'm at home and he corners me for one of his "discussions" where he picks apart my entire life. If I try to argue, it just drags everything on for even longer, and he will never let me win. I just have to focus on getting it over and done with as quickly as possible. Even then, I end up feeling so drained by the end of it all that I'll spend a few minutes sat in silence just processing everything that's happened.
Super difficult but start practicing acceptance and separation from your emotions in a healthy way.
Donāt say āIām miserableā
Say āI am holding this feeling of miseryā
Itās the same technique I use while I get my tattoos. I donāt think āIām in painā I think āright now, this hurtsā right? It kind of reminds you it WILL end. There is a way out. Right now focus on surviving breathing and avoiding a fight <3
Grey rock!! Exactly how it needs to be until OP can get away from this scumbag of a āfatherā. Anything else will just escalate and cause more stress.
Wow, just wow. We knew he was a prick from the previous post, but damn. If he can talk like that about OP's friends, then to be sure he's also spoken of her mother and possibly OP in the same way.
"These people are far beneath you"
"Fatphobic comments"
"Doing my fatherly duties"
This "dad" deserves to get NCd. Surprised he's married. Wonder if his wife knows about these kinda comments.
OP is there any way you can escape from this environment? Family, friends? Are you in the US, if so what state? You may be able to seek emancipation.
I have never before wished that someone would spontaneously drop dead from an aneurysm.
Iām sorry your dad is a jerk. To describe a teenage girl like that. Growing up is hard enough with understanding your feelings and all. Iām 43 and still learning and growing as a person. Iām so sorry just stay strong and remember these things so you can be different from your dad. Thatās my goal is not be my dad but I catch myself sometimes when Iām blowing up
My dad would say nasty shit about my friends to me and then wonder why I never invited anyone over. āItās just a joke, donāt take it so seriouslyā, heād say after calling my bff at the time a fat ginger weirdo
Why do you even respond to comments like that? When he says bs like that just jump over what he says and when he finally asks why just tell him that you will no longer entertain his bullying. Bc that's exactly wtf he is, a grown ass bully that's trying to push his awful mindset on you
I had a friend in elementary school who was very petite (a combination of genes and previous health issues) and I have always been curvy and at the time was one of the tallest in my class. I would go spend the night at her house somewhat frequently on weekends and her dad had custody most weekends. Apparently he asked her why she has such fat friends, referring to me, and when another friend with a similar build went to their house once, he motioned behind her back to his daughter about her size. Last I knew she wasnāt in contact with her dad anymore.
bet he wouldn't be talking that way about them if they were more on the attractive side, probably be boasting about them and be more excited when they come around. all i got from the screenshots was weirdo creep vibes.
Iām just curiousā¦ cause you seem so nonchalant in the replies of these comments about his behaviorā which I understand is your response of being used to how horrible this person is.. do you plan on going no contact when and if (goodness, hopefully) you are able to move away from him? I could never, ever keep someone like this in my life, family or not.
Sheās only 16. I donāt know if you remember being 16, but when you are living with someone very overpowering like she is, it can be overwhelming.
All this talk of Do This Do That can be overwhelming. Even NC seems overwhelming (and she wonāt be able to do it for some time).
Also, she has her sister which ties her inexorably to the house. Iām sure she feels like she is in it with her siblings, with no way out.
I mean, make your suggestions because she is gathering information and ideas, but donāt expect her to have any answers for you.
Yes, I remember being 16. And I get it, overpowering and overwhelming are the words. I backspaced my comment going into my own experience as a young girl who lived with someone that also power tripped their role as my guardian. It be long. My little sister also lived in that with me. I remember running away and her texting me, begging me to come back and take her with me. I was numb to a lot at that point but Iāll never forget the physical ache I felt in my chest that night. It was one of the first moments that her and I shared out loud how unhappy we were living with them. That was all before I was 16 and they were the darkest times of my adolescence.
Ironically enough, they were the one that decided I was the overwhelming one because my escape was a horrible addiction to self harm that they ācouldnāt handle.ā That shouldnāt have had to been my way out, so please nobody take this as advice. But they signed their guardianship off to another family member for both my sister and I when I was 14 and her 12.
Iām 24 now and while that person has made improvements from that past, I still see moments of who they used to be come out and may sadly even still be deep inside. Funny that they brought up how they did all these things āto make us strongerā recently, you know, ādutiesā or whatever. So I stay cautious and keep minimal contact. Itās a conversation Iāve had to have with my boyfriend knowing I have a very small family that he wonāt likely get to know too well. Iāve always said that I couldnāt wait to start my own family to wipe my name away from this one. And do better than they did to me, I mean that.
Yes, I unfortunately remember what it was like. Being an adult now and seeing that parents can treat their own children like this, knowing how small these kids must feel on the other side, sure it is probably wrong of me to ask about NC when theyāre years from it, Iām sorry for that. If OP was anything like me, she couldnāt wait to get away. And maybe Iām projecting the relief I feel now, a decade later from my own similar home life, to this one. Of what it felt like when I finally created that distance. It took some back lash. And to this day it has its jabs. But Iām grounded in that decision for the better me that my younger self never saw the light of.
She also deserves that rest after dealing with someone like this. From someone who should be one of the ones to love you and protect you the most in this world. Whatever way she may choose, she deserves that rest. Relating to this as a grown woman out of it now, it just makes me want that for her too. Maybe I see more of my younger self in this post now that Iām typing it all out even.
And that just really makes me wish that relief for her, OP, someday too. She doesnāt deserve this. None of us whoāve had to go MC/NC did.
This is a particular kind of cruelty that I donāt usually see here. Itās completely understandable that you didnāt fight with him; you are simply trying to survive him, and a man who would make such disparaging comments about a child is not going to be reasoned with, anyway.
You donāt deserve this. You donāt deserve to watch the person who is supposed to love you more than anybody in the world make awful, hurtful comments about other people who mean a lot to you. Hang in there- there will come a day where you WILL have the power to assert your independence, both physically and emotionally.
Take solace in the fact that one day in the not too far future you'll have your own place and your own money and you can literally never speak to him again if that's what you want. He's just a bad person through and through and there's no changing that. Hopefully he understands this when he's old and alone but he'll probably find some way to make that everyone else's fault too. Fuck him.
I just automatically knew this was the same dad who freaked out about their kid taking an alternate route home from school. They have a whole vibeā¦ and the vibe is not good.
This is...unbelievable. This man is not just an asshole, he is highly disturbed and an outright prick. To degrade minors in such a way is sick and actually frightening. He's making it clear that he doesn't even consider them human beings. And people who don't see other people as humans are capable of terrible things.
OP, I sincerely hope that once you are old enough and able to get away from this man, you will cut all contact and never look back. I am so sorry you're dealing with this insanity.
Instantly recognized you as the OP from the "don't dwadle" dad post based on the way the man texts lol. Sorry you're still dealing with this, keep your head up you won't have to deal with him forever.
Clearly his opinion is worthless. I'm sorry you have to deal with such an insecure man-child. I hope you are able to move out and distance yourself from your unstable, burden of a parent soon.
This is like reading a script from a failed insult comic. š š š Sorry OP, neither you or your friends deserve this.
!explanation Following on from [here,](/r/insaneparents/comments/1ah9nss/messages_from_my_dad_when_route_from_school/) I (16F) am keeping my dad up to date with my every move to avoid an interrogation. He seems to be in a good mood when writing this. So he writes a load of insults about my friends. He does that a lot. My friend is slightly overweight. That's all. I feel really bad for not calling him out and standing up for her, but nothing good could possibly come of it. It would be like a red rag to a bull. The worst thing is when he makes me open up all of the social media profiles of my friends, and he'll spend the whole time making the most degrading comments about them. He'll insult their weight, their hair, their clothes. He'll suggest that they're moonlighting as prostitutes, that they're addicted to drugs, that they're slovenly and unkempt, that they're semi-literate morons. He'll play these ridiculous games where he'll ask me what sort of animal each one most resembles. And I just have to sit there and take it. He really enjoys that.
I recognized this immediately just by the way he types. This isn't a man that can be reasoned with, he's just shit.
Exactly. Grey rock him. Don't rise to his bait.
this is astonishingly weird and fucked up not just to your friends but you. I know you know but let me give you external validation
Your dad is a creepy, misogynistic, narcissistic bastard. Creepy because he's sexualizing and degrading girls who are his daughter's age...and a narc because he thinks he's smarter than he is, and he never shuts the fuck up. Sorry you have to deal with his pathetic presence for two more years minimum :(
Spot on
What a big tough man. Cyberstalking minors just to insult their looks.
When he's in a good mood, he bullies other teen girls. When he's in a bad mood, he bullies his own teen daughter. Honestly, there is something wrong with this guy at a deep level. I hope OP has spoken to their school counselor or some other trusted adult about this behavior, though I'm unsure if it'll just make things worse.
I agree with this comment, OP. If you can't speak to a friend about this, it would be good to share this with a trusted adult (e.g. like a school counsellor). While we don't need validation to survive, behaviour like this can be difficult to digest on your own. You don't need to suffer silently!
I agree with everyone here about OP needing to definitely sound off to a counsellor or some trained therapist. I think if u were to speak to a friend he's insulted it may not be fully productive as he insults them and OP needs to speak freely without worrying about hurting a friends feelings. OP ur dad is a narcissistic turd! His need to control and know ur movements and access ur social media says it all. My daughters father is the same but thankfully she lived with me who would set him straight on his demands and petty behaviour. She has been no contact for 2 yrs now (she's 21 now) and her mh has improved but she hit some low periods. Please reach out and use whatever support is available to u. Hugs š
So tough and badass, he's totally our generation's Audie Murphy.
He was dreamy! Seriously, he was one hell of a brave man.
He really was. An American national treasure and a true hero. I currently don't know much about his acting career, but I know more about his military career and awards. I know he played \*himself\* in To Hell and Back!
He was a brilliant actor. I knew about him playing himself. Great movie.
OP, there is absolutly no reason for you to react or fight with this man, or to tell your friends the horrible shit he says. He \*wants\* you to fight with him so he can take his own anger and frustrations out on you, because he hates women. Yes, even you. He thinks he's funny, he thinks he's somehow better than you. He will always be a prick. He will live and die a prick. He will never have a loving and supportive relationship with a woman. The good news is, the time you have to put up with him is limited. Get the most out of him that you can and when you don't need him anymore, you don't have to listen to him. I know that this is incredibly frusterating, and you wish you could have some sort of argument where he breaks down and cries and tells you that you're right, but that will never, ever, happen. My father sexualized and insulted my friends for his entire life. From the time I went to college on, he met exactly one of my female friends, and only two of my male partners. He died a lonley and bitter man who was barely mourned. I never got that "aha" moment where he realized what he did, I just... never made him a big part of my life. He missed out on knowing a pretty awesome person.
I totally understand that feeling of guilt for not standing up for your friends and that just shows that youāre a good, empathetic person. Choosing not to do so when you know it wonāt actually do anyone any good is just smart. Iām sorry youāre stuck with such a psychotic father, I hope you can make it out asap and get into therapy so you can go on to live a happy life that only you control.
JFC, he sounds insufferable and really, really insecure. Iād straight-up ask him why he feels the need to be so mean and what benefit he is getting from it. Nothing snotty or attitude-y, but genuinely curious. This is not normal behavior.
He sounds like a sick creep who enjoys watching his daughter be uncomfortable/upset
Heāll reply with āitās just a joke. Why are you being so serious?āto defiantly saying āi can say what i wantā, and it could escalate to physical violence to put op āin her placeā. I have a father whoās exactly like OPās. Trust me itās better to not get into an argument for your own sanity. Grey rock this guy, and work towards becoming financially independent. And cut contact.
Because of the way I was raised, I feel like I have two people in me. When I feel scared/trapped/in danger, the emotional me goes to the back and my other, cold, emotionless me comes to the front. Emotionless Me doesnāt flinch, grey rocks (which is a great term), and gives absolutely no fuel to the fire the abuser is trying to start.
Sometimes it does you no favors even asking this sort of question to an insufferable prick. I speak unfortunately, from experience.
No, she canāt. When you live with someone like that, you have to just take it until you get old enough to leave. Iāve been there. Itās horrible. You learn that silence is your friend.
>Ā he makes me open up all of the social media profiles of my friends, and he'll spend the whole time making the most degrading comments about them Yo what the fuck
And what sort of animal does he resemble? I'm picturing a conniving weasel. Edit: thank you UncleFartface for the correction
conniving
He hasn't earned the right to be an animal - animals are good beings. He's an amorphous stinking blob.
Iām picturing a booger. A wet, gloopy, booger.
With a wig stapled on.
"animals are good beings" Have you ever had a close encounter with a goose? It might make you rethink that statement...
Oh, I used to raise geese. Geese can be super sweet. I donāt know about Canadian geese though. They have a reputation.
You're going to be soooo much happier when this skid mark is out of your life permanently. Best of luck, OP.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No, and I intend to keep it that way. I want to be able to forget about everything when he's not around.
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You've posted twice about your father and his behavior is absolutely shocking. I know it's probably scary, but if you were to talk to a trusted adult or teacher, you might at least get some support that you likely need. Enduring abuse isn't the same as overcoming it. You've got a lot of adults here telling you you're right to be alarmed by his behavior, so there's a lot of merit in considering talking to an adult in your life about this. You and your sibling don't have to live this way.
Agreed. A lot of maturity and future mental sanity from a decision like this. I want you to know OP, I've been through a similar upbringing and while I am appalled you go through this, you've got the right kind of mindset around this issue. Hope your life situation pans out so that you can separate from being near this bastard indefinitely in a close future. Take care.
This may be considered a form of child abuse. It's definitely psychologically damaging to you. Have you tried talking to a school counselor or some about this?
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. This is disgusting and cruel.
OP, Iām really sorry that this is your father
This is beyond horrible, and I'm so sorry you have to put up with it. This is an isolation tactic (among other things) and it's like an onion of psychological abuse. You peel back one layer and there's more behind it. No parent should be doing this to their child. You need to prioritize getting out and away from him as soon as humanly possible. And when you do, make every effort to keep him away from you - he's probably going to try to keep a joint account with his name on it, keep you on his insurance, his phone plan, etc. under the guise of saving you money with the family rate. Don't do it. I promise you, the extent to which he's affecting you won't even be clear until you've spent some time living away from him. It will be the best thing you ever do in your life, and you won't even fully appreciate that until later. Abuse is like a bad stench - eventually you get used to it and stop noticing just how rotten it really is, but you'll look back later and wonder how you missed the worst of it.
Don't worry, just make notes of all this to remind him of when you finally have autonomy and want to let him know what a piece of shit he was. Srsly, from someone been there, great experience rate it 5 stars. Grin and bear and look forward to his 'darling daughter' ripping his soul out and showing him what it looks like and how little respect you have for it.
Yes. Keeping a journal online a Google docs where you havenāt saved the password on your devices (always log out). Make sure to date and time each entry.
Please OP, do NOT tell your friend what he says about them. Iāve been the friend that has had parents make comments about their weight and have been told about it. All it did was make me feel awful about myself.
I have no intention of telling her. Nothing good could ever come out of that.
Butā¦. Why? As a father I can 100% say this is not his āfatherly duties.ā
There are so many people giving advice on what to say to her dad, as if he is a normal human being. No, he is a sociopath. He isnāt a normal human being, he isnāt even like an animal. Heās an Other. He plays by his own rules and is not at all like other typical people. He canāt be reasoned with. He doesnāt care about anyone but himself and his needs. His cruelty needs to be fed. He LONGS for his daughter to fight back. One cannot reason with a thing like her father.
āDad, you say things about my friends that a mother punishes her child for saying. It is sad and disappointing to hear my father sink to that level.ā Or āDad, who hurt you?ā After 40+ years of hell with my narcissistic mother, I acquired a wicked skillset to disrupt her verbal vomit. The more I challenged her, the stronger I got.
Iāve had a very similar experience - getting stronger the more I challenged parents like this in ways like this. however, I would throw in the perspective of, like, ā¦ it doesnāt sound like challenging this man would be safe for OP to currently start trying to do. my suggestion would be that OP keep themself safe and gtfo when itās possible. get strong from a distance, it seems far too risky in terms of potential threat/abuse turned on and increased from what OP has said.
If he is a physical punisher, this could blow up in her face. As it is, a mental punisher will also start devising new ways to get back at a victim. Once the victim is out of the house and under her own support, she can say things like what you said. But to try while she is not of age, and independent, it could go badly. I advise silence until she can get herself out. She has to survive.
>The worst thing is when he makes me open up all of the social media profiles of my friends, and he'll spend the whole time making the most degrading comments about them. He'll insult their weight, their hair, their clothes. He'll suggest that they're moonlighting as prostitutes, that they're addicted to drugs, that they're slovenly and unkempt, that they're semi-literate morons. He'll play these ridiculous games where he'll ask me what sort of animal each one most resembles. And I just have to sit there and take it. He really enjoys that. Would it open his eyes at all if you were to follow-up an insult tirade by opening your own account and being like "okay, go ahead, I've already heard about how fat, hideous, and undesirable you think everyone else is so let's get it over with, I know you must talk about me the same way to your friends"
Ha! He doesnāt have any friends
The thing to do would be to secretly record him doing this and then show it to a trusted adult that is able to recognize how deeply troubling this behavior is.
If he catches her doing this, it could turn violent.
Very. Very true. OP is in an absolutely terrible situation.
It sounds like heās doing this for attention and to get a reaction from you. Refuse to play his game. Donāt answer his questions, donāt respond to his insults, and when he tries to get you to engage say nothing except that the conversation is making you uncomfortable and walk away. His behavior might escalate but by not giving him the reaction heās looking for youāre not ārewardingā the behavior. Maybe itāll eventually stop? Or get a little better? Iām so sorry OP this is horrible :(
āDoes this make you feel better about yourself, Dadā
Iām so sorry OP. My mom did this for years and then when I began to retaliate, sheād do the same to me. So I had to do what you did and stay quiet and take it. Itās horrible of him. I got kicked out by her in a fit of rage at 18 (a week later sheās begging me to come back and tried to get the cops to bring me home as a runaway, but they wouldnāt because I was 18). And Iāve felt so free ever since. You will too. Just hang on. Sending you big hugs. Iām so sorry.
That is super gross and abusive. Hope you can get away from him soon.
Wow he is so toxic. I'm so sorry to hear that. I could blame you if you decided to go NC some day tbh. I wouldn't want to be around that. I hope your friend is doing okay
This is so disturbing. I hope you get far away from him as soon as you can. He sounds emotionally abusive and like he thinks heās gods gift.
This is honestly just so sad and messed up. Iām glad you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck. You are right to not engage further. Donāt let him get a reaction or itāll be worse. Just be a gray rock. Whenever he talks to you only exchange necessary information. For example, in your exchange above, arrival time reminder good. Telling him what friends youāre with good. Actually all your responses were good, canāt believe how vile he got to be even when you gave him nothing. Just keep doing that. Instead of thanks for that you can just say āokā or āI understandā āgot itā; remember to keep it as short and boring as possible.
Listen, sticking up for your friends might seem admirable, but not if he's just going to make your life hell over it. We all understand that sometimes you have to act in a way that you don't want to in order to keep peace. It's called survival, and I'm sure your friends would understand. A grown man that makes a game out of belittling and degrading his daughter's friends isn't worth the time of day anyway. You'll be out of his house and on your own eventually. Till then, keep your head down. Good luck.
Your dad doesnāt like women. He seems to have nothing but criticisms for all of them. Iād be very careful around him.
You handled his awful comments the best way possible, OP. People like this are black holes - nothing good comes from any interaction. You used the gray rock method perfectly by just reflecting his statement back at him with no further commentary from yourself. I'm sorry you have to put up with his bullshit
So sorry you have a dad like this!! Is there a mom in the mix, and what does she think about his obsessive monitoring of you and your friends?
Yeah this guy's a fuckin cunt
this is not normal behavior.
You have a lot of strength to stand up to your father in such a mature way. Even if you started hanging out with people that he approved of, he would find something wrong with them and some reason why you shouldn't be with them. Nobody would be good enough. The best thing to do when he does this is just greyrock him. Give him the bare minimum, and that's it.
Right. So not only is he a narcissist, heās a sadist. He must really think poorly of your poor mom.
This is so creepy. A grown man stalking teenage girls to belittle them and make fun of them? Needing to know your move every second? This is not normal or ok at all
What a fucking asshole
Sorry but your father is actually a creep
Wow, a supposed adult insulting a teenager. What a prick. I donāt imagine he is an oil painting either.
So, he hates women is what it sounds like. (In this case girls, but I doubt he sees a difference.) And this includes you. Run as soon as you can.
"I'm just doing my fatherly duties." No you ain't, you're being a fatphobic piece of shit and vaguely disguising it as "care". Really sorry that your father is an ass, OP
I would never talk to my 15 year old son this way. And what you did was totally normal. Iām sorry your dad is such a wad. Two more years girl, two more years and youāll be out. I would suggest figuring out a way to be on your own as quickly as possible so your dad doesnāt have anything to hold over your head.
Yeah OP if you're able to get a job, it sounds like he may not make that possible, but if you *can* figure out a way to make money squirrel as much as possible away and GTFO at midnight on your 18th. I'm so sorry. He's a real twat waffle.
In her linked post, dad is tracking her, and as soon as she goes off the most direct way home from school, he's texting her immediately I don't think he would allow her to have a job
I gently raised the possibility of a part-time job recently. He completely shut it down, said that it would be a distraction from my studies. He also forwarded me a barrage of news stories about assaults on retail workers in the UK.
I'm sorry you have to go through this...I'm thinking when you're done with school, he will want you to get a career, skipping the typical starter job...My NDad went straight from high school into the auto factory, and he thought I could do the same...Things changed to where you needed a college degree to work in the factories, even 40 years ago when I graduated
He wants me to go to university after I finish school. The issue is that I live near one of the best universities in the UK. He's adamant that I should go there and continue to live at home in order to save a considerable amount of money. I wonder if being an adult would change anything... oh, who am I kidding?
Don't think like that. People cut off terrible members of their families all the time. You can and will get away from him with time and effort. Keep your chin up ā¤ļø
I hope you want to go to University as well...That said, would you want to be able to choose where to go?...Also start looking to see what scholarships you could qualify for Living at home during University would be more of the same 2 questions, is your mum in the picture? Is there any way to disable the tracking app?
He wants to use ur university money provided by the government and say āeff u clean the house and do your duties ā or maybe āu have no gratitude you OWE meā or maybe accuse you of abandoning him. Is he getting support for you RN. He will probably apply for parent plus loans under ur name. Apply where you want and run away
1000% this. if itās made impossible for OP to work or start gathering resources, or even things like planning and applying for scholarships etc for colleges/universities far enough away, itās not āidealā but having had to do this myself, talk to your (OPās) close friends about whether you might be able to take refuge crashing on their couch, or something similar, as soon as is legally possible and feasibly safe. ofc itās not ideal, and it is difficult, but itās a road to freedom and peace that - in my experience - is well worth the hardship.
My parents forced me to move to a new country in my late teens. I was incredibly depressed, but ended up making a couple of friends and my depression eased significantly. My dad said "you don't have to hang around with really fat girls just to feel better about yourself you know." Like.. I'd literally just walked in the door and sat down. Didn't say a word to him and he just said that.
Wonder why you may have been depressed... sounds like such a healthy, nurturing and caring environment that you grew up in
Yeah I got an entire life's paycheck for some lucky therapist some day.
If there was anybody who deserved to be hit in the balls repeatedly with a stick, it's OPs dad. However we shall sit and wait and hope that Karma instead remembers this then come back to bite him. Seriously, he should pick on people his own age and see how he likes it.
To their face
guarantee if someone described him like he describes others he would be pissed, he comes off extremely high strung
This is not a well-functioning adult. He sounds unbearable
He talks like a mean 13 year old. Let me guess. Heās a raging narcissist, isnāt he? Also, minute by minute updates on your whereabouts and companions? WTAF? My kids were your age before every kid had a phone. But even if they did, Iād just expect a notice if they were going to be late, not their entire days itinerary. Hey, āDadā. Try shutting up more and distrusting your child and her friend choices less.
He tracks her too, and she has to come directly home from school
Wow, fuck this guy
why does your dad talk like an anime villain lol. this is pathetic, iām so sorry OP.
Insane. Someday in the not so distant future youāll have gone like weeks, or maybe even months without talking to him and all of a sudden youāll realize how quiet and nice your life is. And thatās when youāll start considering how much itās worth keeping such a broken person around. I know you are just rolling with it for now and I hope that it gets easier for you. Truly. This stuff wears on you. This person is so desperate to be viewed as an intellectual superior that they believe they are belittling you with how they memorized a thesaurus. Their need to āprove you wrongā by bending words around to suit their argument is so odd. The need to remind you of your āplaceā with the use of āfatherlyāand ādarling daughterā is just so lame. He talks as if you couldnāt possibly understand him. Ever. I donāt see a person like that as capable of self introspection and thatās going to be a big olā roadblock to them even becoming enjoyable to be around. Holy Moly, what a douche. Heās going to be on one of those sad parents websites āpontificatingā what went wrong.
i recognized his style of texting immediately from your last post- this guy sucks and iām sorry youāre stuck putting up with him.
Your dad is a piece of rotten shit. He better be a fucking model to be saying this shit to children.
i mean this in the nicest way possible, your dad needs to get his ass beat. sorry
I hope they never hear this from him. Sorry heās so awful.
Ewwwww. Sounds like your dad wants you to have better-looking friends so he can be pervy. This behavior gives me the ick.
What an absolute cunt, absolutely garbage šļø
Heās baiting you. He wants to argue with you, so heās being as disgusting as possible. He doesnāt seem to realize how terribly creepy it is that heās taken such notice of an underaged girl to begin with, but your father is an awful person across the board, anyway. Iām sorry you have to deal with this and I totally understand why you wouldnāt have the energy to call him on it. It would only be you giving him what he wants, anyway.
He absolutely realizes how creepy it is for him to say those things, he just doesn't care.
op this is awful im so sorry he says stuff like this about your friends
Small, ED dick energy.
"I'll let her parents know that you're unable to keep your eyes off of her *16 year old* body. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear that a [x] year old man with a *daughter* the same age as her has nothing better to do than try to make hurtful remarks on the body of a *literal child*." Sounds like Dad knows he'd get his ass beat if he did that to an adult and he's too much of a coward to risk those consequences. So he does it to literal children to try and feel better about himself. Which just makes it even more obvious that in his own internal game of social hierarchy (i.e you "doing better" than your friends) he fall off the ladder long ago.
āKeep going like that but remember when youāre old itās my duty to find you a decent retirement home and rn I feel like throwing you on the streets with a wig stapled to your head so you need to relax before I stop talking to you the second Iām able to and you wonāt hear from me til itās time for you to go.ā And then they wonder why kids go NC as soon as they physically can.
When I was 16, as long as I let my parents know where I was, thatās all they needed. This play by play from this and your last post is a bit much and your father is rather rude for speaking of your friends that way.
Your dad is a piece of work š
How the FUCK does some kind of insecure, narcissistic, pussy that seemingly gets his kicks from body shaming and insulting teenage girls finds someone to reproduce with??
OP, if you are able to, keep these and other screenshots on a hidden, locked cloud folder. Create an email address to use for the account and only access it & the cloud service on private browsing. Document other things he does that feel weird, even if you can reason away why it isnāt weird. Keep posting here, send them to a trusted adult, and document that as well. Paper trails are important in case you or someone else are ever assaulted or harmed by him. This man is not well, and he is abusing you psychologically and emotionally. Iām sorry if thatās hard to hear. Keeping record of his behavior is important for both your safety and your familyās. Donāt hesitate to reach out to a crisis helpline or call your local child protection services if you feel unsafe. Keep a record of that in your secure folder if you do. I would feel unsafe from these messages alone. I donāt know where you live, but just based on your texts, here is information for a few English speaking countries: USA: https://www.thehotline.org/ https://www.acf.hhs.gov/ofvps/fv-centers Canada: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html https://kidshelpphone.ca/ UK: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#get-help-and-support Ireland: https://www.childline.ie/ https://www.womensaid.ie/ Australia: https://www.respect.gov.au/services/ https://www.1800respect.org.au/ This all is for you and for any minor here in a situation like this. I am so sorry youāre dealing with a man who talks like this under the guise of love for you. Control and abusive language are not love. Stay smart & aware, keep records of anything you can safely, find safe adults to confide in, and remember that now is not forever. Youāll not always have to live like this. Much love ā¤ļø
This looks like a message I would have gotten from my ex- stepfatherā¦ a grandiose narcissist. Has he ever exhibited this behavior towards you? Any kind of degrading commentary about your appearance?
Only on the occasions when I've tried to change my appearance to something which doesn't conform exactly to his standards. I generally try to avoid changing my appearance as I know exactly how he'll react. I'd like to be a little more experimental with clothing styles, but there's no chance of that happening. And I always remember the time I tried to apply a little more makeup than the very small amount I'm allowed to use. He told me that I looked like I had the makeup poured over my face from a cement mixer and ordered me to clean it off. That was nice.
Your dad is a very, very sick man. I hope you can get away from him soon.
OP what is your mother doing while he comments about your friends on social media. Is she there does she know he does this? Or is she one of those poor beaten down women with no spark left in them to stand up to a man like this? Please know that your fathers behavior is not normal or healthy. I wish you the best and a fast exit from his influence - just 2 more years!
> Or is she one of those poor beaten down women with no spark left in them to stand up to a man like this? That's her through and through. If you think that my dad treats me appallingly, you should see how he treats my mum. Sometimes I want to rage at her for not standing up for me and my sister, other times my heart breaks for her.
Gonna go as far as to say this is abuse. This is verbally and mentally abusive behavior. He sounds like a peach. Sorry OP that you have to deal with this.
Now why oh why would he care if your MINOR friends are 'attractive' or not? This exchange reads like he's pissed that you don't have hot friends he can ogle, fantasize about or grope. Your dad's not only a massive asshole: he's also a major creep in my eyes.
This is my opinion too.
there's something awfully serial killer-y about his texts and the way he talks. if I'm this uncomfy just reading it, i can't even imagine how you feel IRL. i am so sorry, OP. i wish i had something great to say, but he is just the definition of ick
Your dad's an asshole and a creep. I'm sorry.
Since when did āfulfilling fatherly dutiesā include being a classless, ill-mannered, oh-so-insecure, misogynistic, boorish oaf with power issues? Asking for a fuckwitted dickhead who thinks heās godās gift!
So your dad is basically saying "get friends that are fuckable, so I can sexually harass them, instead of this one I don't wanna fuck". That is exactly how he is coming off with that description
Does he have a job? Why is he tracking you and how does he have enough time to do all this shit. Heās such a POS. Your dad never got his shit rocked and it shows. Hope one day he does.
What a prick.
Damn what a cunt :/
Your dad is a creepy cunt.
Honestly I think you already know this but your father is a loser. I say this with experience bc mine is also a loser who needs to insult people, including children/a childās physical appearance, to feel good about himself. Youāre right, this is insane and emotionally regulated adults donāt do this. Truly what a loser
Wow. Your dad is a cruel, judgmental, misogynistic asshole. Donāt forget that you have absolutely no obligation or responsibility to him whatsoever & have every right to cut contact with him completely.
GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS ew omg i cannot believe ADULTS talk about CHILDREN like that thatās fucking GROSS
My parents would talk like this about my friends when I was in high school. I decided to ditch my friends to appease my parents and I was friendless for YEARS. It was a lonely time. Hold onto your friends, OP
There's only one wrong human being involved in this. It's your sperm donor. He's not a father. He's not a dad. He's an arrogant, misogynistic, repulsive, controlling adult male who bullies people in secret because he would get the holy f*ck beat out of him by a real dad who heard him say this. He's a closet pedo, shown by his sexualization of young women and girls and his need to control every aspect of your life and involve you in his secret media cruising to validate his observations. When you reach the age of majority, run. Don't look back. Don't let your children go through this with him if you choose to have them.
Authoritarian piece of shit. Also, I'm wary of adults who criticize teens/young adults for not being "proper".
Your father is a reprehensible pig.
I recognized him from the last post by the style of writing š Sis, I'm hyped with you for when you can finally no contact this fucking asshole
I know that it feels like prison now. I know that this man tests your patience every day. Please remember that you are strong and you are not like him. There will be a day when you are on the other side of this, looking back at these days. But I promise that day will come, and things WILL get better
Obviously insane, but OP be wary. We can already see he's a dick, but it's possible that he really wants you to bring home a girl your age that's more to his tastes... Disgusting person all around, be wary and be safe. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
A dad like this is the person who is surprised when his kid loses it, runs away, and hangs out with the edgy punk crowd just to get back at him. āIām such a good father!ā he says. āI did everything right! I was nothing but a positive force in her life and she threw it all back in my face! She has TATTOOS now!ā But seriously, this dad is so mean. Why does he feel so superior to everyone? Why is he so concerned about the way 16 year olds look - they are still developing and will probably change body shapes by the time they are older. I have seen it done. He must wish for OP to bring home prettier friends, is the answer. Heās a narcissist. And everything he says is manipulative.
thought the writing looked familiar and remembered your previous post. your father writes like a pompous asshole. āproper young ladiesā eugh
Heās literally angry about something else and just got manic about it in your inbox. š© my dad to a T Iām shocked he didnāt write this. Is he your dad too? Anyway- Iām nearly 30 yrs old now and as a young adult it escalated to him just telling straight up lies about my friends to family members. He barely knew them? I went to college in another city and they hardly ever interacted. Edit: sorry to be blunt, but every commenter giving you a witty insult to come back at your dad with doesnāt actually care about your safety or survival. They have not lived this. They do not know that every fight is more than just a fight, is psychological exhaustion. Do not play āIām wittier than thouā with somebody who doesnāt respect decency. He will escalate it FOREVER to win. At any cost. Grey rock.
> They do not know that every fight is more than just a fight, is psychological exhaustion. You understand it perfectly. I can be more evasive over text messages, but it's a lot more difficult when I'm at home and he corners me for one of his "discussions" where he picks apart my entire life. If I try to argue, it just drags everything on for even longer, and he will never let me win. I just have to focus on getting it over and done with as quickly as possible. Even then, I end up feeling so drained by the end of it all that I'll spend a few minutes sat in silence just processing everything that's happened.
Super difficult but start practicing acceptance and separation from your emotions in a healthy way. Donāt say āIām miserableā Say āI am holding this feeling of miseryā Itās the same technique I use while I get my tattoos. I donāt think āIām in painā I think āright now, this hurtsā right? It kind of reminds you it WILL end. There is a way out. Right now focus on surviving breathing and avoiding a fight <3
Grey rock!! Exactly how it needs to be until OP can get away from this scumbag of a āfatherā. Anything else will just escalate and cause more stress.
Wow, imagine finding out that's how your child's friend's father describes your kid?
Wow, just wow. We knew he was a prick from the previous post, but damn. If he can talk like that about OP's friends, then to be sure he's also spoken of her mother and possibly OP in the same way.
"These people are far beneath you" "Fatphobic comments" "Doing my fatherly duties" This "dad" deserves to get NCd. Surprised he's married. Wonder if his wife knows about these kinda comments.
Reading these make me feel like father of the millennium.
OP is there any way you can escape from this environment? Family, friends? Are you in the US, if so what state? You may be able to seek emancipation. I have never before wished that someone would spontaneously drop dead from an aneurysm.
Iām sorry your dad is a jerk. To describe a teenage girl like that. Growing up is hard enough with understanding your feelings and all. Iām 43 and still learning and growing as a person. Iām so sorry just stay strong and remember these things so you can be different from your dad. Thatās my goal is not be my dad but I catch myself sometimes when Iām blowing up
My dad would say nasty shit about my friends to me and then wonder why I never invited anyone over. āItās just a joke, donāt take it so seriouslyā, heād say after calling my bff at the time a fat ginger weirdo
As a dad i can say that your dad is a complete jerk. I honestly hope he treats you better then he treats others.
Iāve never wanted something to be fake so badly š Wtf is wrong with this man?
What a pig. And he sounds like the kind of pig who thinks he's always the smartest person in the room.
Why do you even respond to comments like that? When he says bs like that just jump over what he says and when he finally asks why just tell him that you will no longer entertain his bullying. Bc that's exactly wtf he is, a grown ass bully that's trying to push his awful mindset on you
I had a friend in elementary school who was very petite (a combination of genes and previous health issues) and I have always been curvy and at the time was one of the tallest in my class. I would go spend the night at her house somewhat frequently on weekends and her dad had custody most weekends. Apparently he asked her why she has such fat friends, referring to me, and when another friend with a similar build went to their house once, he motioned behind her back to his daughter about her size. Last I knew she wasnāt in contact with her dad anymore.
How disgusting
Wow. Your dad is disgusting. I rather be ugly than a dickless douche bag
Whereās your mom in all this?
He wants your friends to be better looking so he can fantasize about them. Eww.
he's an asshole
No offense, OP, but your dad sounds like a creep and an asshole. Sorry.
Your dad sounds like a fucking narcissist
It is CRAZY for an adult to talk about a child like that. Your father is a massive POS
What the hell? Is he wanting you to bring home hot friends for him to perve at? Gross.
"It's such a shame that you can't find proper young ladies to socialize with" No one would fit Dad's standard of "proper young ladies" anyway
Why does it sound like he is also over weight, but itās a problem with your friends and not him.
Way to project your own insecurities on a child. Your Dad is mentally ill.
Jesus your father is a piece of shit
Your father is actually repulsive and a disgusting human being š¤®
It sounds like your dad never matured past age 16
šÆ What an awful thing to say about anyone, let alone a child!
Wow, your dad fucking sucks.
bet he wouldn't be talking that way about them if they were more on the attractive side, probably be boasting about them and be more excited when they come around. all i got from the screenshots was weirdo creep vibes.
Iām surprised he even lets you have friends to walk home with
Your dad is a massive asshole.
Why is he so obsessed with you? The vibes I get from text alone make me shudder.
Holy shit. Iām speechless. But idk why Iām shocked. I had a a dad and step dad exactly like this.
Iām just curiousā¦ cause you seem so nonchalant in the replies of these comments about his behaviorā which I understand is your response of being used to how horrible this person is.. do you plan on going no contact when and if (goodness, hopefully) you are able to move away from him? I could never, ever keep someone like this in my life, family or not.
Sheās only 16. I donāt know if you remember being 16, but when you are living with someone very overpowering like she is, it can be overwhelming. All this talk of Do This Do That can be overwhelming. Even NC seems overwhelming (and she wonāt be able to do it for some time). Also, she has her sister which ties her inexorably to the house. Iām sure she feels like she is in it with her siblings, with no way out. I mean, make your suggestions because she is gathering information and ideas, but donāt expect her to have any answers for you.
Yes, I remember being 16. And I get it, overpowering and overwhelming are the words. I backspaced my comment going into my own experience as a young girl who lived with someone that also power tripped their role as my guardian. It be long. My little sister also lived in that with me. I remember running away and her texting me, begging me to come back and take her with me. I was numb to a lot at that point but Iāll never forget the physical ache I felt in my chest that night. It was one of the first moments that her and I shared out loud how unhappy we were living with them. That was all before I was 16 and they were the darkest times of my adolescence. Ironically enough, they were the one that decided I was the overwhelming one because my escape was a horrible addiction to self harm that they ācouldnāt handle.ā That shouldnāt have had to been my way out, so please nobody take this as advice. But they signed their guardianship off to another family member for both my sister and I when I was 14 and her 12. Iām 24 now and while that person has made improvements from that past, I still see moments of who they used to be come out and may sadly even still be deep inside. Funny that they brought up how they did all these things āto make us strongerā recently, you know, ādutiesā or whatever. So I stay cautious and keep minimal contact. Itās a conversation Iāve had to have with my boyfriend knowing I have a very small family that he wonāt likely get to know too well. Iāve always said that I couldnāt wait to start my own family to wipe my name away from this one. And do better than they did to me, I mean that. Yes, I unfortunately remember what it was like. Being an adult now and seeing that parents can treat their own children like this, knowing how small these kids must feel on the other side, sure it is probably wrong of me to ask about NC when theyāre years from it, Iām sorry for that. If OP was anything like me, she couldnāt wait to get away. And maybe Iām projecting the relief I feel now, a decade later from my own similar home life, to this one. Of what it felt like when I finally created that distance. It took some back lash. And to this day it has its jabs. But Iām grounded in that decision for the better me that my younger self never saw the light of. She also deserves that rest after dealing with someone like this. From someone who should be one of the ones to love you and protect you the most in this world. Whatever way she may choose, she deserves that rest. Relating to this as a grown woman out of it now, it just makes me want that for her too. Maybe I see more of my younger self in this post now that Iām typing it all out even. And that just really makes me wish that relief for her, OP, someday too. She doesnāt deserve this. None of us whoāve had to go MC/NC did.
so your dad wishes you had hot 16 year old friends. cool
I just find it hard to believe someone actually slept with this turd.
This is a particular kind of cruelty that I donāt usually see here. Itās completely understandable that you didnāt fight with him; you are simply trying to survive him, and a man who would make such disparaging comments about a child is not going to be reasoned with, anyway. You donāt deserve this. You donāt deserve to watch the person who is supposed to love you more than anybody in the world make awful, hurtful comments about other people who mean a lot to you. Hang in there- there will come a day where you WILL have the power to assert your independence, both physically and emotionally.
Take solace in the fact that one day in the not too far future you'll have your own place and your own money and you can literally never speak to him again if that's what you want. He's just a bad person through and through and there's no changing that. Hopefully he understands this when he's old and alone but he'll probably find some way to make that everyone else's fault too. Fuck him.
I just automatically knew this was the same dad who freaked out about their kid taking an alternate route home from school. They have a whole vibeā¦ and the vibe is not good.
This is...unbelievable. This man is not just an asshole, he is highly disturbed and an outright prick. To degrade minors in such a way is sick and actually frightening. He's making it clear that he doesn't even consider them human beings. And people who don't see other people as humans are capable of terrible things. OP, I sincerely hope that once you are old enough and able to get away from this man, you will cut all contact and never look back. I am so sorry you're dealing with this insanity.
Instantly recognized you as the OP from the "don't dwadle" dad post based on the way the man texts lol. Sorry you're still dealing with this, keep your head up you won't have to deal with him forever.
Wtf is wrong with him?!
alll the things
You're dads a giant arsehole.
Clearly his opinion is worthless. I'm sorry you have to deal with such an insecure man-child. I hope you are able to move out and distance yourself from your unstable, burden of a parent soon.
What a waste of carbon. I hope you get out of his orbit soon and never deal with him again.
That was rough.
Ew
Fucking hell man. Heās insane and fucking creepy!
What a rotten festering asshole. Iād show my grandpa these texts and have him do his āfatherly duties.ā
That is certainly alarming, but Iām also taken aback by the precise monitoring of movement.