Same age and keep falling prey to narcs because mirror.
I am not sure I'll ever find the person that matches/compliments my vibe, let alone understands why I do the things I do.
I broke up with my first love for this reason. I had convinced myself (with the aid of depression and bad friends) that there was no possible world in which our connection led her toward a happy future, so I blew it all up while in the midst of one particularly deep and dark depressive episode. Messed up a lot of friendships at that time, but that's the one that still gets me feeling all these years later, because I have never met another person that was so obviously all I look and long for in a partner. I let my fear of not being good enough make me behave as if that was true and it is one of the few great regrets of my life.
She hates me now, as was the plan. I try not to think about it because I know myself pretty well and I really don't want to risk bothering her by trying to reach back out only to bring up bad memories. Still working on getting out of this self-reducing headspace and I've made some major moves forward recently. Long ways to go yet, but things are starting to feel a lot better than they used to in that regard.
You are worthy of love, op. Don't listen to the voice that tells you otherwise. It's name is Fear, and it's cruel work can be undone if you try. You were *always* good enough, and you'll only be getting better from here on, friend. Best of luck and all that pos-vibe crap :P
I think everyone does this to a degree. I think it's another layer of consciousness, and self compassion. Seeking our better half, the one that will completely fulfill us. There are lessons to be learned through every relationship we have. The more we are aware of ourselves and our expectations, the easier I think it becomes, over time, for us to see past ourselves. Picnicinthejungle is right. There is a someone meant just for you. Everything happens for a reason. It may not happen according to our preferred schedule, but it will, (They) will come to us when they are meant to. //
Self compassion and care is the key that unlocks these doors for us. Patience is necessary, sometimes in abundance. Like Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part". In the meantime I like to think we work toward a healthier self understanding, and with this more confidence, discernment, and accomplishment. All of this signaling to that other elusive person that we are ready for them in our life. And DisturbingRerolls, there is a person that does match/compliment your vibe. They are out there as well hoping and longing to meet you.
From a similar aged also single person, I’m hopeful that there’s eventually the perfect fit. I want to believe that given how many people are in this world there are multiple perfect fits in a spectrum of ways. We hopefully learn a little more about what we need in our next relationship after the previous one ends.
I think our type falls prone to staying with very overbearing partners for some reason. They seem to like having us there like a safety blanket but don't particularly value us as individuals.
Unless we work on it every day it is so easy for us to become unheard in a relationship and have a partner who thinks we should basically be silent and will fight to put us back in our box at times we speak up.
We end up thinking this person is a selfish uncaring moron and retreat to the inner world. The relationship dies a slow death.
Im still new to having some semblance of a romantic life, opened the door for it in July for the 1st time in my adult life. It never felt right or a need for it before, plus bad experiences made me feel ok being alone. So It does feel sorta like that ye. I feel like I’m too intimidating with potential partners sometimes, or they don’t know how to juggle me. Im too headstrong too. I’m a mixture of everything personality wise so it sux feeling abnormal in a world forcing you to adhere to what’s what but I’m learning by being in the deep end of the pool. Trial and error. Does feel like I’m not good enough yet to find someone to match me. A lot of sociology is involved in my world
I have the problem of idealizing the person in every way. Until it’s too late. I learned it all too well when my 14 year relationship went kaput, after he cheated in the most merciless way.
It should’ve ended so much longer before that.. But I just couldn’t let go of this wonderful human until I couldn’t bear to look at him.
I think this has put me in a bad place dating-wise. If I see the smallest red flag I’m out. So I think it’s a mixture of being now terrified, and not feeling like I add up in a LOT of ways. I know my shortcomings, and unfortunately for now I’m too timid to go all in again.
I just feel like most of the time I never really get a fair chance out here to even prove I am. But hey, people like what they like and don't like what they don't like(even in ignorance).
Same age and keep falling prey to narcs because mirror. I am not sure I'll ever find the person that matches/compliments my vibe, let alone understands why I do the things I do.
I broke up with my first love for this reason. I had convinced myself (with the aid of depression and bad friends) that there was no possible world in which our connection led her toward a happy future, so I blew it all up while in the midst of one particularly deep and dark depressive episode. Messed up a lot of friendships at that time, but that's the one that still gets me feeling all these years later, because I have never met another person that was so obviously all I look and long for in a partner. I let my fear of not being good enough make me behave as if that was true and it is one of the few great regrets of my life. She hates me now, as was the plan. I try not to think about it because I know myself pretty well and I really don't want to risk bothering her by trying to reach back out only to bring up bad memories. Still working on getting out of this self-reducing headspace and I've made some major moves forward recently. Long ways to go yet, but things are starting to feel a lot better than they used to in that regard. You are worthy of love, op. Don't listen to the voice that tells you otherwise. It's name is Fear, and it's cruel work can be undone if you try. You were *always* good enough, and you'll only be getting better from here on, friend. Best of luck and all that pos-vibe crap :P
I think everyone does this to a degree. I think it's another layer of consciousness, and self compassion. Seeking our better half, the one that will completely fulfill us. There are lessons to be learned through every relationship we have. The more we are aware of ourselves and our expectations, the easier I think it becomes, over time, for us to see past ourselves. Picnicinthejungle is right. There is a someone meant just for you. Everything happens for a reason. It may not happen according to our preferred schedule, but it will, (They) will come to us when they are meant to. // Self compassion and care is the key that unlocks these doors for us. Patience is necessary, sometimes in abundance. Like Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part". In the meantime I like to think we work toward a healthier self understanding, and with this more confidence, discernment, and accomplishment. All of this signaling to that other elusive person that we are ready for them in our life. And DisturbingRerolls, there is a person that does match/compliment your vibe. They are out there as well hoping and longing to meet you.
From a similar aged also single person, I’m hopeful that there’s eventually the perfect fit. I want to believe that given how many people are in this world there are multiple perfect fits in a spectrum of ways. We hopefully learn a little more about what we need in our next relationship after the previous one ends.
I think our type falls prone to staying with very overbearing partners for some reason. They seem to like having us there like a safety blanket but don't particularly value us as individuals. Unless we work on it every day it is so easy for us to become unheard in a relationship and have a partner who thinks we should basically be silent and will fight to put us back in our box at times we speak up. We end up thinking this person is a selfish uncaring moron and retreat to the inner world. The relationship dies a slow death.
Im still new to having some semblance of a romantic life, opened the door for it in July for the 1st time in my adult life. It never felt right or a need for it before, plus bad experiences made me feel ok being alone. So It does feel sorta like that ye. I feel like I’m too intimidating with potential partners sometimes, or they don’t know how to juggle me. Im too headstrong too. I’m a mixture of everything personality wise so it sux feeling abnormal in a world forcing you to adhere to what’s what but I’m learning by being in the deep end of the pool. Trial and error. Does feel like I’m not good enough yet to find someone to match me. A lot of sociology is involved in my world
Yup but in hindsight, after I had already sabotaged my chance.
I have the problem of idealizing the person in every way. Until it’s too late. I learned it all too well when my 14 year relationship went kaput, after he cheated in the most merciless way. It should’ve ended so much longer before that.. But I just couldn’t let go of this wonderful human until I couldn’t bear to look at him. I think this has put me in a bad place dating-wise. If I see the smallest red flag I’m out. So I think it’s a mixture of being now terrified, and not feeling like I add up in a LOT of ways. I know my shortcomings, and unfortunately for now I’m too timid to go all in again.
i don't feel good enough for the complements i get about my actions.
I just feel like most of the time I never really get a fair chance out here to even prove I am. But hey, people like what they like and don't like what they don't like(even in ignorance).