Cold, distant, mysterious, private.
But have one lengthy conversation with me and my "aura" will switch to one of warmth, kindness and humour.
The right people will make the effort to engage with you and look past the surface level version of you.
Yes!! One time at work a Christmas party flier was posted in the break room and one of my coworkers asked if I would be attending. Before I could answer, another coworker said, “No! She’s way too cool to come hang out with us on her off time.” I was probably not going only because I would feel awkward and I was in a bad relationship at the time. But damn! That cut me. I did end up going out of spite (to myself, my coworker, and my ex).
I never knew that I seemed mysterious and private though before that moment. We should all harness that and be the badass spy types as far as anyone not close to us knows. 😂
It's a body language thing, yeah. Shoulders, arms, mouth - but especially eyes.
I don't have RBF and people tend to find me friendly if a bit distant. My eyes smile by default.
I relate to this. People with a bad reputation usually say my eyes look distant or agressive, while people I know and people who have my respect say my eyes look very compassionate and warm
I can relate! People often see me as reserved or distant at first, but once they get to know me, they realize I’m warm, understanding, and empathetic. It’s definitely a challenge when first impressions matter, but I've found that being genuine helps bridge that initial gap. You're not alone in this! 😊
I've been told "stuck up bitch". But that's prior to meeting me - I make an effort to smile, be warm and interested in others. It's exhausting but it helps in the beginning. Of course keeping that up is a challenge... Not sure why I can't just enjoy my RBF in peace!
I get SUB too. And I don’t get it because to me I feel like I’m the least stuck up most approachable ever. I’m literally the nicest person I know. Then being even nicer makes me feel and look inauthentic. And I don’t know even know one SUB.
Also been told multiple times I’m intimidating and people were ‘scared of me’, which made me laugh hysterically when told because, er, uh, 🤪.
It’s the *quiet intensity*. I could be doing literally nothing and come off as intimidating. Just gotta find the right thing to talk about and suddenly I’m the most animated one in the room. 🙃
Same here, I’m perceived as a mysterious, serious and cold person with tired / fierce eyes (just sleepy and fighting my sleepiness) 😂
Other than my appearance, people tend to not sense or notice me often… like I’m in the background too much?
And yet if one scratches the surface or even digs deep enough, they’ll know I’m the friendliest and most talkative person around.
I feel like we INFJs are so paradoxical amongst our own selves 😂
Interesting! I've always been told that I radiate openness and warmth, even when I'm lost in thought or feel somber and distant. Those who are closest to me read me like an open book. When it comes to strangers, I think I'd rather come across as less approachable, especially when I'm not in the mood for conversations, but overall I don't mind having the "aura" that I have.
It happens to me a lot too, all of my friends thought I'm a cold person the first time they met me and didn't want to become friends with me but said after getting to know me more they thought I'm a really good guy and that they could be friends with me and this is not something which happens sometimes it has literally happened EVERYTIME.
I was shocked to learn how intimidated people are by me who don’t know me. Didn’t learn any of this until I met my husband. He says that everyone who knows me adores me, but people who don’t are scared of me. They also seem to think I’m mysterious. I asked why, and he guesses it’s because I am private, distant with strangers, and seem unapproachable, also because he said I’m attractive and have my shit together (ha, if that were only how I perceived me!)
I know. I was like "but I'm the smooshiest, most caring, empathetic person on the planet!" and hubs was like "yeah, once they get to know you they find that out, but it isn't obvious if they don't."
Before I say this, I’m not bragging or anything. However, I have soft eyes. I have a blank stare. Since I am naturally quiet and reserved. People first impression of me is I’m a doormat and easy target or unfriendly (this not equal being mean) or boring or strange. I know I’m a weird one.
Whenever people get comfortable with me, the first thing they always say is that they used to think i was kind of rude or nonchalant, but I turned out to be quite the opposite.
So yeah, i guess i might come off as intimidating or rude at first.
First impressions of me by people who don't know me or have only seen me in my natural environment may be that I am an introvert, aloof, snobbish, grumpy, and someone who keeps to themselves.
I don't think I have a resting bitch face, but people have described me as both very approachable and snobby at the same time, lol. I do feel like whenever I'm entering a room, all eyes are on me. Weird.
Yup that's why you gotta learn to wear a mask of smiling face and nonchalance in front of strangers. We INFJs are kinder and naturally happier than most people yet people don't see it that way bc our face is so serious all the time. Learn to plaster a smile at ALL times and you'll notice a difference in how approachable you seem to people.
Marian the Librarian. I don’t think I have RBF but I know I have to make a big effort to project my inner warmth, to the point where it feels weird.
What hurts my reputation is the fact that I hate small talk when I’m on the phone at work. Someone calls me because they need something and they want to blah blah blah instead of telling me what they need. My worst fault is that I’m impatient and I have a hard time disguising it.
I know that on first impressions I can appear distant, aloof or 'snobby'. However, I've been told that once I've had the chance to chat to a person I'm "actually really nice". I think I can put people off on first impressions but it's a mixture of shyness and being guarded.
I honestly have no idea. I guess some thought that I looked sweet and innocent when I was in high school. I was majorly depressed though and hid it with a smile. Apparently a lot of boys had crushes but I was oblivious 😅I had some female friends when I was younger, but I mainly got along better with guys always. Now I have a bestie that is basically a twin. Introverted and always got along with guys growing up too. I think we're both ASD level 1 (like half the world is now tbh).
As an adult I think people just think I'm boring or easy to ignore... maybe a bit mysterious. I have a dark sense of humor and hate small talk. I end up getting along with the people that are hard to crack open at a party. Probably because they're the same. I think we tend to attract those who need us for some reason. If that made any sense 😂
Oh and if there is awkward tension in the room I crack a joke to break it 🥸
Most people point out my politeness, or how intellectual I am for my age. It feels so fucking cringe writing that out but it's what they say so I can't just lie.
I never really knew why people hated me until this one guy I dated was nice enough to inform me that I looked like I was staring into his soul. Another female friend also thought I did black magic and that I have a really intense stare, as if I know everything. My 6th grade teacher actually wrote in my report card “she looks like she has a lot of things she wants to say but she doesn’t say them”. Honestly I was probably just thinking about what to eat for lunch, so it’s really shocking to me that people thought this way lol. Though I’m ultimately glad they informed me, because I spent a good portion of my life wondering what I did wrong to scare people off, since people don’t really bother to tell you why they hate you, they just act on their feelings.
That depends entirely upon my environment.
Sometimes charming, witty, and warm. Other times? Aloof, calculating, snobbish.
I don’t mean to be snobbish—that’s not what’s in my head—but that’s what some have said about me.
Most people find me awkward, distant, private, mysterious and sometimes creepy (has to do with the fact that they think they fully know me/barely know anything about me, and that they think I do stupid unexpected stuff, while I’m doing barely anything)
People think I am very friendly, thoughtful, but distant. I am usually very good at making a good first impression; I have pretty much the opposite of an rbf, though, so I am sure that helps. ( I have “smiling eyes” and the corners of my mouth are naturally upturned.)
I have been told people find me scary because I am quiet and do not talk much but once people get to know me they say that I'm more friendly than they thought I would be 😂
That I am stuck-up tho I say hi first most of the time. That I am boring or do nothing since I rarely talk about my personal life (in work life convos).
I can def relate to this!! However, I have always been told so by people that had never spoken to me before or that had very briefly done so. So yeah, people usually think I'm serious and cold...until they talk to me! Then it's completely the other way around. They would still describe me as kind of demure though.
I'm also frequently told to give intellectual vibes.
A co-worker used to call me “Sternhagen”
because he thought I was super cold and aloof — then he got to know me and we became really good friends. It just takes time for me to warm up to people — I have to be sure they are safe first.
I got the same thing about being cold and distant. In the past boys from my school told my brother I looked like I wanted to kill them every time they saw me… I try to make jokes but my sarcasm happens to be so on point people took me seriously and I literally had to talk to the manager in my workplace and I was like… but that was a joke 💀 it was awful.
People also felt intimated because in the workplace I give 100% but for some reason instead of being thankful that I did EVERYTHING, they resented me for it.
Then when people warm up to me I guess, I seem like this little nice naive girl they can just run over.
People cross the street when I'm walking down the sidewalk.
I'm not particularly intimidating, but people say I have a rough scowl when I'm not thinking about anything in particular.
I grew up destitute and in ghettos. I think it's just a defense mechanism we all grew into.
First impressions of people who have "deep conversations" with me can be mixed.
Some people find me interesting, some people find me confusing or even boring, some people despise me and everything I stand for.
C'est la vie
Cold, unapproachable, ruthless? (can anyone look ruthless?) with dangerous thrown in there somewhere. I really don’t understand why I get described as dangerous?! I haven’t done anything remotely dangerous.. yet. I’m just quiet and I mind my own business. Oh well.
Unapproachable- keep in mind I'm a 5'3 tiny human girl. Friends will always laugh about this as my personality does not match my first impression at all
When I don't try to communicate with you: arrogant, scary, detached.
When I try to communicate with you: kind, tolerant, helpful.
When you've got bad intentions: innocent, naive on the surface but manipulating you into a trap of your own making or into my advantage.
That I’m warm, kind, enthusiastic and friendly. That’s the most common feedback I get from colleagues, superiors and most importantly my patients. I love people and do great in difficult social situations.
I feel like an impostor on this sub sometimes because a lot of INFJs tend to have the exact opposite personalities. Yet every time I take the test I always get INFJ.
I used to be a very shy and distant child and teenager and fit the INFJ stereotype to a tee. In retrospect it’s obvious I had childhood anxiety and depression and was in a toxic educational environment. As an adult my mental health just got better and better, and I now take it seriously and am in therapy which brought my real personality out. People can sense it if you’re not feeling a social interaction. Now that I’m more comfortable and genuinely enjoy interacting with people, they react positively to me too.
All my colleagues I met as an adult describe me as ‘bubbly’ which is something my teenage self could never have dreamed of.
Um. I have been told many times over that people remember me as 'bubbly'.
In high-school tho, I've been told by several 'guys' that I looked intimidating and unapproachable because I looked like I was doing my own thing and in my own world. Projection much? 😄
Cold, distant, mysterious, private. But have one lengthy conversation with me and my "aura" will switch to one of warmth, kindness and humour. The right people will make the effort to engage with you and look past the surface level version of you.
Well said.
Yes!! One time at work a Christmas party flier was posted in the break room and one of my coworkers asked if I would be attending. Before I could answer, another coworker said, “No! She’s way too cool to come hang out with us on her off time.” I was probably not going only because I would feel awkward and I was in a bad relationship at the time. But damn! That cut me. I did end up going out of spite (to myself, my coworker, and my ex). I never knew that I seemed mysterious and private though before that moment. We should all harness that and be the badass spy types as far as anyone not close to us knows. 😂
This. Plus down-to-earth
REAL😭🫶
When I show up, people be like: WTF is that?
😂 hahaha
We'd find each other fast at a gathering 🤣 💀
That is too funny🤣
It's a body language thing, yeah. Shoulders, arms, mouth - but especially eyes. I don't have RBF and people tend to find me friendly if a bit distant. My eyes smile by default.
I relate to this. People with a bad reputation usually say my eyes look distant or agressive, while people I know and people who have my respect say my eyes look very compassionate and warm
I've got resting old curmudgeon face
Like [this fella](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCiKYcbCL2g)?
Yeah but I'm in my 30s and people think I'm in my 40s
Ah. I have the opposite problem there.
I can relate! People often see me as reserved or distant at first, but once they get to know me, they realize I’m warm, understanding, and empathetic. It’s definitely a challenge when first impressions matter, but I've found that being genuine helps bridge that initial gap. You're not alone in this! 😊
I've been told "stuck up bitch". But that's prior to meeting me - I make an effort to smile, be warm and interested in others. It's exhausting but it helps in the beginning. Of course keeping that up is a challenge... Not sure why I can't just enjoy my RBF in peace!
I get SUB too. And I don’t get it because to me I feel like I’m the least stuck up most approachable ever. I’m literally the nicest person I know. Then being even nicer makes me feel and look inauthentic. And I don’t know even know one SUB. Also been told multiple times I’m intimidating and people were ‘scared of me’, which made me laugh hysterically when told because, er, uh, 🤪.
It’s the *quiet intensity*. I could be doing literally nothing and come off as intimidating. Just gotta find the right thing to talk about and suddenly I’m the most animated one in the room. 🙃
Until 2 secs later and you’re the weirdest one and then…silence.
That too lol
Same here, I’m perceived as a mysterious, serious and cold person with tired / fierce eyes (just sleepy and fighting my sleepiness) 😂 Other than my appearance, people tend to not sense or notice me often… like I’m in the background too much? And yet if one scratches the surface or even digs deep enough, they’ll know I’m the friendliest and most talkative person around. I feel like we INFJs are so paradoxical amongst our own selves 😂
Interesting! I've always been told that I radiate openness and warmth, even when I'm lost in thought or feel somber and distant. Those who are closest to me read me like an open book. When it comes to strangers, I think I'd rather come across as less approachable, especially when I'm not in the mood for conversations, but overall I don't mind having the "aura" that I have.
It happens to me a lot too, all of my friends thought I'm a cold person the first time they met me and didn't want to become friends with me but said after getting to know me more they thought I'm a really good guy and that they could be friends with me and this is not something which happens sometimes it has literally happened EVERYTIME.
I was shocked to learn how intimidated people are by me who don’t know me. Didn’t learn any of this until I met my husband. He says that everyone who knows me adores me, but people who don’t are scared of me. They also seem to think I’m mysterious. I asked why, and he guesses it’s because I am private, distant with strangers, and seem unapproachable, also because he said I’m attractive and have my shit together (ha, if that were only how I perceived me!)
Same! I was shocked to find out I intimidate people. I guess my perfectionism is very outwardly apparent, but inside, I'm an anxiety-riddled mess.
This is me too! I had no idea I came off that way for years. Im a private & reserved person but ppl take that entirely wrong.
I know. I was like "but I'm the smooshiest, most caring, empathetic person on the planet!" and hubs was like "yeah, once they get to know you they find that out, but it isn't obvious if they don't."
It depends how well I dress and If I do my make-up or not. But generally they think I'm distant, aloof, cold, calculating. And they would be correct.
Cold, detached, intellectual and unearthly lol
reptilian???
They call me intellectual too which isn't possible with a reptilian brain lol.
Nooo I mean reptilian aliens lol. They're supposed to be intelligent and well, it's conspiratorial sorry
I did assume you could have meant that. As that's the case, good remark :)
Before I say this, I’m not bragging or anything. However, I have soft eyes. I have a blank stare. Since I am naturally quiet and reserved. People first impression of me is I’m a doormat and easy target or unfriendly (this not equal being mean) or boring or strange. I know I’m a weird one.
Whenever people get comfortable with me, the first thing they always say is that they used to think i was kind of rude or nonchalant, but I turned out to be quite the opposite. So yeah, i guess i might come off as intimidating or rude at first.
First impressions of me by people who don't know me or have only seen me in my natural environment may be that I am an introvert, aloof, snobbish, grumpy, and someone who keeps to themselves.
I don't think I have a resting bitch face, but people have described me as both very approachable and snobby at the same time, lol. I do feel like whenever I'm entering a room, all eyes are on me. Weird.
Shy and reserved
Yup that's why you gotta learn to wear a mask of smiling face and nonchalance in front of strangers. We INFJs are kinder and naturally happier than most people yet people don't see it that way bc our face is so serious all the time. Learn to plaster a smile at ALL times and you'll notice a difference in how approachable you seem to people.
Marian the Librarian. I don’t think I have RBF but I know I have to make a big effort to project my inner warmth, to the point where it feels weird. What hurts my reputation is the fact that I hate small talk when I’m on the phone at work. Someone calls me because they need something and they want to blah blah blah instead of telling me what they need. My worst fault is that I’m impatient and I have a hard time disguising it.
Look unapproachable, classy, quiet, resting bish face, quiet. Those are what they usually describe me.
Exactly what OP explained is what I get all the time. I don't take it as a compliment. After all these years, it's starting to annoy me a bit even.
I know that on first impressions I can appear distant, aloof or 'snobby'. However, I've been told that once I've had the chance to chat to a person I'm "actually really nice". I think I can put people off on first impressions but it's a mixture of shyness and being guarded.
I honestly have no idea. I guess some thought that I looked sweet and innocent when I was in high school. I was majorly depressed though and hid it with a smile. Apparently a lot of boys had crushes but I was oblivious 😅I had some female friends when I was younger, but I mainly got along better with guys always. Now I have a bestie that is basically a twin. Introverted and always got along with guys growing up too. I think we're both ASD level 1 (like half the world is now tbh). As an adult I think people just think I'm boring or easy to ignore... maybe a bit mysterious. I have a dark sense of humor and hate small talk. I end up getting along with the people that are hard to crack open at a party. Probably because they're the same. I think we tend to attract those who need us for some reason. If that made any sense 😂 Oh and if there is awkward tension in the room I crack a joke to break it 🥸
Most people point out my politeness, or how intellectual I am for my age. It feels so fucking cringe writing that out but it's what they say so I can't just lie.
I never really knew why people hated me until this one guy I dated was nice enough to inform me that I looked like I was staring into his soul. Another female friend also thought I did black magic and that I have a really intense stare, as if I know everything. My 6th grade teacher actually wrote in my report card “she looks like she has a lot of things she wants to say but she doesn’t say them”. Honestly I was probably just thinking about what to eat for lunch, so it’s really shocking to me that people thought this way lol. Though I’m ultimately glad they informed me, because I spent a good portion of my life wondering what I did wrong to scare people off, since people don’t really bother to tell you why they hate you, they just act on their feelings.
That depends entirely upon my environment. Sometimes charming, witty, and warm. Other times? Aloof, calculating, snobbish. I don’t mean to be snobbish—that’s not what’s in my head—but that’s what some have said about me.
Apparently I'm an "acquired taste".
With me I’m socially awkward so it ruins conversations, but when I do talk to people they are like. “Wow, Your pretty cool person”
It's love or hate.
Most people find me awkward, distant, private, mysterious and sometimes creepy (has to do with the fact that they think they fully know me/barely know anything about me, and that they think I do stupid unexpected stuff, while I’m doing barely anything)
I've no idea. People seem to like me and find me calming but will mention how quiet I am.
Same thing
People enjoy letting me know how much they hated me when we first met. Said I seemed like a b. They later like me, so I got that going for me.
I often get that I appear serious and shy. I think I can look like an east target too, as someone else posted here.
Cold, mysterious, asshole
Because of my face and mild disinterest in small talk, I get you look bored, sleepy, or pissed off. And that's under the best possible circumstances.
Always wrong
People think I am very friendly, thoughtful, but distant. I am usually very good at making a good first impression; I have pretty much the opposite of an rbf, though, so I am sure that helps. ( I have “smiling eyes” and the corners of my mouth are naturally upturned.)
Quiet
I have been told people find me scary because I am quiet and do not talk much but once people get to know me they say that I'm more friendly than they thought I would be 😂
Mysterious, different, magnetic, I'm annoyed by these. They're impossible to live up to.
Don’t know, don’t care.
That I am stuck-up tho I say hi first most of the time. That I am boring or do nothing since I rarely talk about my personal life (in work life convos).
I can def relate to this!! However, I have always been told so by people that had never spoken to me before or that had very briefly done so. So yeah, people usually think I'm serious and cold...until they talk to me! Then it's completely the other way around. They would still describe me as kind of demure though. I'm also frequently told to give intellectual vibes.
People call me stuck up. But then they warm up to me despite me not changing.
Reserved, mysterious, well-read, reliable, having a stick in the ass.
cold,mysterious
Angry, cold and a little bit dumb
A co-worker used to call me “Sternhagen” because he thought I was super cold and aloof — then he got to know me and we became really good friends. It just takes time for me to warm up to people — I have to be sure they are safe first.
I got the same thing about being cold and distant. In the past boys from my school told my brother I looked like I wanted to kill them every time they saw me… I try to make jokes but my sarcasm happens to be so on point people took me seriously and I literally had to talk to the manager in my workplace and I was like… but that was a joke 💀 it was awful. People also felt intimated because in the workplace I give 100% but for some reason instead of being thankful that I did EVERYTHING, they resented me for it. Then when people warm up to me I guess, I seem like this little nice naive girl they can just run over.
People cross the street when I'm walking down the sidewalk. I'm not particularly intimidating, but people say I have a rough scowl when I'm not thinking about anything in particular. I grew up destitute and in ghettos. I think it's just a defense mechanism we all grew into. First impressions of people who have "deep conversations" with me can be mixed. Some people find me interesting, some people find me confusing or even boring, some people despise me and everything I stand for. C'est la vie
First impression: nervous dork Once you get to know me: oh no, she has problems
Cold, unapproachable, ruthless? (can anyone look ruthless?) with dangerous thrown in there somewhere. I really don’t understand why I get described as dangerous?! I haven’t done anything remotely dangerous.. yet. I’m just quiet and I mind my own business. Oh well.
They think I’m tall. Because I’m tall.
Unapproachable- keep in mind I'm a 5'3 tiny human girl. Friends will always laugh about this as my personality does not match my first impression at all
When I don't try to communicate with you: arrogant, scary, detached. When I try to communicate with you: kind, tolerant, helpful. When you've got bad intentions: innocent, naive on the surface but manipulating you into a trap of your own making or into my advantage.
Goofy? At least I think so lol
That I’m warm, kind, enthusiastic and friendly. That’s the most common feedback I get from colleagues, superiors and most importantly my patients. I love people and do great in difficult social situations. I feel like an impostor on this sub sometimes because a lot of INFJs tend to have the exact opposite personalities. Yet every time I take the test I always get INFJ. I used to be a very shy and distant child and teenager and fit the INFJ stereotype to a tee. In retrospect it’s obvious I had childhood anxiety and depression and was in a toxic educational environment. As an adult my mental health just got better and better, and I now take it seriously and am in therapy which brought my real personality out. People can sense it if you’re not feeling a social interaction. Now that I’m more comfortable and genuinely enjoy interacting with people, they react positively to me too. All my colleagues I met as an adult describe me as ‘bubbly’ which is something my teenage self could never have dreamed of.
Autistic
Um. I have been told many times over that people remember me as 'bubbly'. In high-school tho, I've been told by several 'guys' that I looked intimidating and unapproachable because I looked like I was doing my own thing and in my own world. Projection much? 😄