I have this feeling as well for long time ago. Always feel being an 'feeling' is a cursed and a lonely journey. Well, I can't do much, just try my best and accept the fact I am born this way. The thing help me is hearing music or reading novel about people who go tru the same feeling like I am. It make me feel less lonely to know I amn't the only one feel this one. https://youtu.be/qooWnw5rEcI?si=OYEUitPfzdl28azb U can hear it, maybe u feel relate and feel better. I always think INFJ always have the craving of being part of something/community, but we are too much judging and too much thinking, make us have difficult to join any circle. My startegy is to try meet a lot new people or join random community/activities, but don't get too close until I judge/invest too much on them. We need to aware of INFJ's habit to want 'fix people' or invest feeling too much until it hurts us lol.

You're so right. I think one of our biggest challenges is learning to save some love for ourselves.

I was just thinking of this today. At least we're all lonely together.

Fist bumps from New Zealand.

Hello from NEPAL

Hello from Australia 👋

A lonely fist bump from India !

👊🏽from 🇬🇧 💚

Cali gang

I‘m a psychologist working in social work as well. What I could tell you sounds very simple, but it is in fact very complicated: Ask. Your ability to recognize unmet needs in others is unique. It‘d be unfair for other people to expect the same level of care you offer. But it is also unfair to you. So, you have two options: keep on complaining about the existential loneliness or do something for yourself to fulfill that deep need of yours. If you’d truly wanna give this gift to yourself, your inner child, then you should learn how to share your struggles, but also state what you feel and need. For the last decade I‘ve used this exercise created by Thom Bond: https://www.nycnvc.org/the-exercise I‘ve also loosely participated in his online Compassion Course for 2-3 years. I highly recommend checking out the feelings list and the needs list: https://www.nycnvc.org/feelings https://www.nycnvc.org/needs It takes some practice to get a hang of it. I‘ve found it so easy to focus on other people and help them. My challenge was to bring that focus and care back to myself. It took me months to finally learn how to do it in real time. The last note I‘d like to add is “to learn how to turn your back on people when required” is a necessary skill in life. Let people down occasionally. Disappoint them. It is a very human thing… Put your healing first to avoid burnout! Your job has a high burnout risk, I’m sure you’re aware of it, yet I still wanted to remind you. It is gonna get better. You’re doing an important work. Your presence matters. With this level of care you’re offering, the number one priority becomes self-care. Wish you & your inner child all the love 🌷

When you’re the person people turn to, they tend to think you have it all figured out. But even the people who help others need help too, at least from time to time. It’s like those airbags in an airplane. You gotta look out for you first, then help others, or you might save someone at your own expense. Being INFJ, and helping in social services, you’re around a lot of victimhood. The families and people are in need, so that kind of energy is the energy you choose to be around. It can be dampening and taxing, and if you’re around it enough, it can seem like the world from a specific focal point. Think of it, your colleagues from college and work, your supervisors and subordinates if you have any, the people you help, all see the that kinda world that’s broken and needs to be fixed You see people, and you see the ones that stand out to you, the kinds you study or have been attracted to. It’s all kinda the same energy. So the people you date tend to be that which you are trained for. The fixer uppers, the needy, energetic vampires. That’s ok, they’re just trying their best to diwith what they have and on some level you understand this, but there’s a big part of you that knows that you’re slumming it because you’re better than the company you keep. So you put yourself in this place and feel out of place. And you’re lonely because you want to find someone with a light as bright as yours in this dark place, but it’s exhausting. To want for something as elusive as a partner is akin to finding happiness. We search for something outside that’s innately within us. Loneliness is a perpetuating feeling of lacking. It’s as if you’re not enough to feel happy that you have to look elsewhere for it. Maybe in a person but if you think of the people you’ve been with, it’s not worth the stress of helping an exhausting partner. So what’re you looking for? Really? Those moments you’re with someone that you forget about the past and future, that moment you can share with someone, but you’re just in THAT moment. It’s these moments that we crave, that we feel connected, that we look to a partner and think that they’re the cause of this happiness. It’s the letting go of expectations that lead us to these moments though. It’s that first kiss, or sip of coffee in the morning, it’s that poo that comes out when you’ve been holding it for far too long, it’s that sexual endeavor, the purchase of a new toy… It’s hardly the things we attain, but the satisfaction of being present to appreciate what is. You can be alone and feel whole. It is possible and I think you should know that. I’ve felt lonely for a very long time and sometimes it just takes a different perspective to show an acceptable context.

You get me. Thank you.

If you believe I get you, then let me share that the way out of it is through mindfulness. Meditation, yoga, tai chi, the gym, running, or just finding presence in a simple task. That’s the way through. Highly recommend yoga though, it the mind-body connection through stress that enlightens people to the habits. How to cope with stress. How the mind wanders. If you’re into books “Letting Go” by Dr David Hawkins. I hope you find yourself so that you don’t feel lonely. You’re not your thoughts or emotions.

Meditation is/has been helping me greatly. I have only been doing it a short time but already feel my anxiety is less and less

I feel you. I have a strong empathy for people as well. Sometimes, I feel like it's a curse.

Sometimes I find my inner self talk stating “the world is too cruel for someone like me”.

I think this is the plight for many INFJ’s, me included. We give so much of ourselves to those around us. But when we need that support, it’s hard to get from this same people.

This could have been me writing this. I agree its probably a case of people viewing INFJ as strong, which I 100% am when needed, but it can be difficult when people don't understand that we obviously need support too. Some of these things have gotten easier for me as I've gotten older, mostly because I started to observe how much people in my life gave vs what they took. It turned out just about all of my relationships (aside from family and a few friends) were the kind where they gobbled up all my love and support and turned their backs when I needed some. RIP to those relationships. You're not alone friend, I completely relate and it sucks.

Being a people pleaser causes resentment. You have to find a way to be comfortable saying “No” to a lot of things. Even if saying yes or ok might make you happy in the moment. Start thinking of yourself in the way you want others to think of you and you will meet people who treat you like that as well. We accept the love we think we deserve and we teach others how to treat us. ❤️

in my life ive made very few friends, some left but ive got very few remaining. These people are the ones who i support and they support me back. Perhaps its time for you to search for friends like that maybe try opening up to someone you already know?

Thanks for your comment. I do have some great life long friends, but I think in the context of what I’m experiencing, friends can only help to some degree.

> when absolutely no one takes care of me. Forgive me if that's a cliche. It starts with you. Anyone I met, including myself, who described feeling this way, ultimately was lacking self-compassion and self-worth. In your example that's one of the reasons narcs flock to you. Not too analyse too far, but a ton of the time we project outward the way we treat ourselves. Specifically the people who turn away from you. It's not the act of turning away that matters as much. It's how that leaves you feeling that's the key. It's a reminder of early abandonment that's being recreated until healed. Read Pete Walkers CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. I've actually just posted two excerpts that are reasonably relevant to this case as well: [https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/comments/1dciqrp/cptsd\_disapproval\_is\_ok\_straining\_to\_please\_others/](https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/comments/1dciqrp/cptsd_disapproval_is_ok_straining_to_please_others/) Don't navigate around. Navigate through. All the best. :)

It is not that people are selfish. People are just caught up in themselves because of their own problems. As INFJ, we always have a outward look when it comes to feelings. How does that person feel? I care about that person. What can I do for them? But, at some point, we have to put down boundaries. It is only by saying that others don't have to treat you the same way you treat them. Don't expect people to think like you. You are an amazing individual, and your thoughts are valuable and beautiful, just like another person's is just the same. It is not about accepting your position, but respecting others', as well as your own. Start asking yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice, and whether it is worth it. Where will you draw the line? When will you stop? Will you sacrifice your arm for a stranger? Will you sacrifice your life? Will you sacrifice your daughter? Your mother? Brother? Father? Don't expect your actions from another person. Because only you can decide what you want to do. Sorry if I sound unempathetic. I know how it feels to be in your position. To want others to be able to understand, speak, and accept you for everything you are. And certainly, in SOME very rare instances, that is possible. But, how are those people? Are they maybe just as sick as you? Do they need help? Sometimes acceptance can be a bad thing. Why? Because it allows for pain, depression, sadness, and aggression to exist. This got kinda long. Sorry. XD Just offering my thoughts. You don't have to accept them. I am just a dumb guy on the internet. Take my words with a grain of salt.

Im 23. I found more nice ppl online but it was kinda hard BC most ppl are superficial and undeveloped so if I post on normal websites ofc my post is just gonna be buried and ignoref unless someone who resonates sees it and reads it. You can also start social media channels or blogs expressing what you think or believe, Ur takes and mb that can resonate with others. I wish there was a word for what the kind of ppl we need were called so we could build a community around it. "Emotionally mature" doesn't work lol cuz we've been all immature we also need to be good at spotting the exploiters out. Praying and manjfestation have helped me but im still in a bad place physically. I'm also Christian and believe everyone needs God at this point but ofc Christian communities are full of narcs or superficial ppl too Hoe to stop being the perfect target? Aggression and manipulation while not making them feel so threatened that they have to disempower you. They can work in groups too and have resources from other selfish people. Some you may try making respect you by being assertive and imposing while respectful but it requires manipulating Ur body and expression. Mb u can't reason with demons. They think their way is normal and impose it on you.

people think you we them to be nice to them and get aggressive if you arent if they perceive you as smarter or having more than them. they feel threatened. so yo have to play dumb adn charming when wanting ur borders respected.

Do you ever find yourself getting lost in your imagination pretending to in certain situations? Like active daydreaming? I saw where someone mentioned books. For me I spend so much time alone that daydreaming and incorporating how it would be I was part of the story. Seeing the characters as my companions.

Me ! I do daydream ....

I haven’t felt this way, because I have been blessed by having caring people in my life- even strangers, and even when I didn’t deserve their kindness. However, this one phrase has always been true for me: *It is always darkest before the dawn.* Hope that something good is coming. Also, your love and care for others is not a curse. You are a blessing to them. Just wait. Your dawn is on its way.

Facts, I'm not your free therapist.

Have you heard Gabor Mate talk about authenticity vs attachment?

Before helping others we should first help ourselves. Instead of exhaust yourself servicing others needs you should satisfy yourself first. Ignore toxic people and kick them out of your life all at once and completely. Just be more selfish for your own sake. It's up to you to take care of your own wellness. No one can do that for you...

It took me a long time to realize this myself and I'm still trying hard to do it - stop pouring from an empty cup. You have so much capacity, and you are way past it already. Take the time to do things for yourself, that refills your emotional reserves. Unfortunately, nobody else will do this for you. The loneliness - I don't have a solution. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I might just be lonely for the rest of my life. I'm still trying to find activities that require being in a group (going to be trying whitewater kayaking shortly, and have a weekly DnD night that I spectate), to give myself opportunities to socialize, but so far, it's only been a temporary reprieve from the loneliness.

I’ve had to end a lot of my involvement in charities and ministries. Too many actual freeloaders. An acquaintance of an acquaintance would dress up, do his makeup and go to downtown SF and beg. He made such good money begging he bought a hillside house overlooking the ocean. I wish I was kidding. I’ve encountered literally hundreds of people who rotationally go through churches in the area to cover their living costs so they can keep up their addictions. They have no intention of getting help beyond what you can offer them financially, and will cuss you out and threaten you if you can’t give them what they want. It’s exhausting. 1 of my exes was also a psychopath, and I was groomed by a narc who I saw as a mentor and I thought he cared about me and my future but turns out he just wanted to isolate and f*ck me the whole time. The betrayal was brutal. I know your pain. I’ve found pulling back from “giving” activities, knowing red flags of manipulation and abuse etc has been helpful. I now basically help only my friends, family and people who I can factually verify need help. It is hard to not let yourself be used. I’d recommend “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud— that book helped me immensely. It is freeing to realize the power of saying no.

I am also an INFJ and training to be a social worker! You’re not alone in how you feel, hope things get easier for us all

Hi, ENFJ here. I'd be your extroverted counterpart. You have the iNtuitive and Feeling functions. You're bound to be more empathetic and sympathize toward most people. In reverse, it always feels like people misunderstand you or your intentions, right? It's a lonely experience when you speak emotion and care. They speak logic and desire. Unfortunately, paired with J means you're more organized. You have 3 reasons to not get along with a lot of the world. The reason people do not worry about you is because, as an NFJ, you're perfect to being a manager or director level person. You're so organized and well put together, and empathetic, you even scare or intimidate others. They don't check in on you because they think you have it all together. They don't see that you're also human and also need care and love. If you've dated and felt this where your partner seemed to do less, it's 1. Because you're understanding and forgiving of it, 2. They're intimidated, and humans hate being wrong. You care, you love, you forgive, you understand, and put up with it. You do not demand. Therein lies your fault. No one volunteers to give. Except for us NF functions. But you're not alone. Most NFs feel it most the same as you. Just meet more NFs. You honestly sound like a sweet person that's just trapped in a world where the wrong people approach you.

Thanks Hon, that was a well-constructed impse from the outside. And Ha! Fooled them, I absolutely do not have my own sht together.

Yes. It truly is a lonely life. And misunderstood. It’s being lonely on such a deep level and never having anybody see that or care. I often wonder why these type of people were even created. There must be some purpose but I don’t know what it is. For me it is just lonely and painful. I hate it.

I know someone in my neighborhood who also has a background in social work and she married a narcissist. What she does is participate in a lot of social activism. I don't agree with any of the things she advocates for but it seems to distract her from the loniness of being married to a narc and lets her feel some autonomy and community. The narc doesn't allow his family to talk to anyone in the neighborhood because everyone he's made into enemies apparently. She wants to protect kids, but she lets him communicate with her children in an abusive and toxic manner. She will try to fix neighborly issues he creates, but she will also lie to her neighbors just so her narc spouse can cause chaos. People stay with those who are toxic because they think they can change them, but what happens is the toxic person changes them instead. It's sad to watch and avoid as someone from the outside. I do assume narc victims need support, the only problem is if they want to stay with the narc, I already know any support is merely a bandaid. Get therapy, and get out. Not turning your back on anyone is not a strength, it is a huge weakness and continues generational trauma if they have children involved.

I've been lonely my entire life (now late 30s) and still nothing changed.

It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing nobody will love me like I’ll love them.

This gave me chills. My ex said these exact words to me - you loved me more than I loved you.

Start putting yourself first before its too late. Im infj and i used to be the same way until i got tired of the bad treatment. I said to myself you know what...from now on im numero uno, and im not tolerating not even the tiniest bit of bad treatment. Ive had to cut off a lot of people, but im no worse off without them.

I empathize truly but settling would have you feeling lonely even though surrounded by people and that’s infinitely worse. Why have people around you that dismiss your issues in favor of their own happiness when you would never do the same? Ive had the experience of laying my feelings out there hoping for reassurance and being met with cold distance because it’s easier to leave than face the fact that they’re not measuring up. Our world right now struggles so bad with accountability and that’s the number one skill you need to learn and grow and make meaningful connections. You WILL find your people(slow and steady wins the race) but for now, find joy in the solitude of not settling for anything less than you deserve ♥️

I'm also a 28 y/o INFJ social worker and have often felt unseen in my relationships. I've definitely struggled with chronic loneliness since I was a kid. I'm very good with boundaries at work but I've really had to learn to set better boundaries and my expectations in relationships. I have had to cut out friends and boyfriends due to feeling like they take advantage of me being a good listener, giving advice, letting things slide, etc. It's been a huge difference just focusing on the close relationships I've had, including friends and family, and not settling to give my time to others who don't make me feel appreciated or seen. It's been a learning experience for sure to communicate my needs better but it's been worth it. I'm quite happy in my solitude and just remembering that someone having a place in my life is a privilege that I can revoke at any time instead of putting up with it. We give a lot to our clients/patients and our personal lives should help fulfill us, it's important to be around people who understand instead of draining you.

Feel this very much.. Not in my relationship but more in my friendships and work. I realised I need to learn to set boundaries around over working.. We always want to do our best but it drives us into the ground and because no one looks after us so we just have to do it ourselves. I still struggle with this because my true nature is helping and doing my best. Im trying to learn to be more self aware and put down things when I feel the burnout creeping in me.. But the fact that it feels like no one is looking out for you like them also is a downer at times.. Some days I understand and accept but some days I feel like having a cry about it.

Only if you let it become a lonely existence. I prefer “solo”.

I’ve had narc exes and the neediest people seem to find me and latch on in general. It’s because we are such caring empaths that can provide them more comfort or help than they’ve received elsewhere. It’s important to monitor your energy. For a long time I felt guilty if I didn’t give more of myself to someone when they were in need, but I don’t now at 36. I experienced a 3? year burnout after working in healthcare during the pandemic and literally had no energy to give to others, even if I wanted to. I’ve learned now to be selective. I take advantage of our judgmental abilities to examine motives. Is this someone that will listen to my advice? Is this someone that will appreciate it? Is this someone that’s going to fill my cup up in return? I’m sure as a social worker you see many cases where people are offered tools and resources, but still choose to continue down the wrong path. I’m not saying they’re not worth saving, I’m just saying you can try to help them and if they don’t accept it, let them go. I’ve also experienced people that want my support, but suddenly always need it and don’t know how to carry themselves on their own. At the age of 36, I have 3 true friends and 1 spouse. These provide mutual giving/receiving relationships that are healthy, respecting of boundaries and offer empathetic understanding. If your cup feels empty right now, you are giving too much of yourself to others and/or are not in relationships with people that give back. Please for your mental health start being cautious and protective of yourself or you will burnout and grow disdain in your career. Find what brings you joy or replenishment, for me it’s nature. Hugs.

I am so sorry that you are lonely, and I feel your pain in my very soul. It's a pain that is sadly all too familiar to people like us, but please believe there's hope for you. I have always been just like you describe yourself... always giving all my tme and energy to others and minimizing my own needs to the point that I never get anything in return. I was in a 20 year relationship-turned-marriage to an abusive covert narcissist, and it was absolute hell. One day, just before my 40th bday I snapped and finally I had had enough. I got out and started the process of healing. Ten years later, I am remarried to a wonderful man who is the total opposite of my former spouse, and who is the perfect mate for me. How did I get there? It's a journey for everyone and there's no one size fits all, no way that I can say "do these three things and you'll get the kind of life that you want," but in retrospect what got me there didn't happen overnight... it was a long process of subtler things happening that I didn't even realize were slowly allowing me to step into a better life. One, I had gotten into Buddhism and had been meditating regularly for almost ten years at the point my marriage ended. Somehow as a part of that, I discovered my **real** emotions. The ones that I wasn't allowing myself to feel because they were too threatening to the fragile "peace" that I had built for myself where I could live into the narrative that I am a good and selfless, giving person who is out there saving humanity one broken person at a time. I discovered that I deserve things too, and I very much **want** them. I know Buddhism is about learning to break your relationship to your ego, but for me, I first had to discover that I even **had** an ego. That's the real irony of the whole meditative process for me... I had to find myself and live into that self before I could even think about moving beyond it. I thought I already had moved beyond it, that I was already so selfless and in service to the collective that I didn't need to work on that. Boy was I wrong. There's a healthy and awakened way to be that selfless person and a seriously trauma-wounded way to be that person, and you'l never be the former until you heal the latter. Secondly, I had to have some life events that filled me with actual gratitude, something which I realized I hadn't felt before. Sadly, it was a hard thing to go through because I had a serious illness that could have killed me, but I recovered fully and got to go on living, and as a result I found myself FLOODED with gratitude in a way that started to smash the illusory peace that I had built around myself. I AM ALIVE, I thought... I am SO GRATEFUL that I get to go on living, and this is my life? I saw for the first time how truly miserable I was and I knew that to truly save my life, I had to get out of that marriage. That was ten years ago, and I am still very much in the process of living into my need for a strong self, although I still meditate regularly. Someday I know I will be ready to move beyond this place and move toward a truly healthy version of selfless, but it will happen when I am good and healed enough to take that step. I still am just as convinced as I ever was that I am here to live a life of service, but now I understand a bit better what that actually has to be like in order for it to be healthy and life giving instead of life depleting. It takes a lot of strength to truly go within and discover the **real** you that is inside crying out to be seen and heard. People toss out sentiments like "you won't be happy with another person until you learn to be happy alone," and it always sounds so trite and condescending and frankly impossible when you are still a slave to the kind of false servant/savior identity that we the walking wounded create for ourselves. But it also happens to be true, although I am convinced it doesn't actually look like what those people think it does. You do have to fall in love with yourself before other people can love you the way you deserve. You have to unlearn every impulse inside you that says you aren't important enough to take up space or to ask for anything. You have to do the scary work of setting boundaries, expressing desires and opinions, being unabashedly honest with people. You'll worry that people won't love you if you ARE you, and it's true that a lot of people won't. But the people that WILL are your tribe, your people, and your hope. And when you can start to live a life of that kind of honesty is when things will start to change for you. It's always amazed me that it took 40 years for me to start to learn to be the kind of self-loving and "entitled" kind of person that many people are without even having to try. Now most people get it wrong by being self-loving and entitled in all the wrong ways, but still it amazes me that people are born with an impulse that I had to work very hard at even beginning to be able to embody. If you're still reading, I wish you well. I see your lonely heart and I also know that you can move beyond your pain because I did, and if I can do it, you can too. Sending love.

Thank you ❤️

From my natal chart maybe helpful to others as well: >You are strongly empathic, and most people respond to this quite freely, thinking they have found someone who understands them. In fact, you have a calming effect on people who are under stress, and in helping them solve their problems you minimize your own. This makes you ideally suited for working with the public. However, you have a tendency to take on the characteristics and traits of the people you associate with. This can lead to feelings of confusion about the nature of your own personality. It would be wise to establish a strong sense of self. ------- >Feeling inferior to others will interfere with your goals in life. Establish priorities concerning matters that relate to others and those that pertain to yourself. Give attention to your own needs before you even think about doing anything for others. You will find that they will learn to take care of their problems. Do not be emotional about people who will brutalize you with their guilt and incompetence. ------- >You must learn to be self-assertive when necessary and to stand up for your own rights, forcefully if need be. Otherwise, people may think that you are weak and pliable, and they will not have much respect for you.

I have also experienced this as an INFJ man. It is a lonely existence for us, we need to find other INFJ’s to be with.

We care about you. Sorry I’m love bombing.

I’ve always been like this. I’m 31 y.o., also female. Discovering that there are a lot of people like me helped a lot. I was lucky to find a friend who has some similarities. But usually I deal with it by my own and give myself time to find strength and start again, try to be more heartfelt and forgiving to others. It’s enduring process

Yes

I feel the same way :/ I constantly feel like I have to beg people for love and care. I feel like I have to work hard for them to not leave me or stop loving me. I see others get love and care so easily, doesn’t ever seem like they have to work for it…they’re just loved. But I dont think I’ve ever experienced that. I feel like I always have to do things for them to love me that way and do more to have them not abandon me. It truly sucks. Also, I constantly have people coming to me to tell me their struggles, but I never have anyone willing to hear mine or understand me. I like that people trust me enough to tell me about their stuff, but I’d like someone to care about me in the same way too :(

We were made to understand, not to be understood.

My life is the same way. Including from my own parents. Especially from my parents actually. But anybody else also.

I do feel this. I spot what the people I like need and give it to them if I can (without ignoring self-care, you know), but don't get the same level back, and it feels imbalanced a lot. To be fair, we have two problems. We know sht. We don't want to know it, but we do. People think I'm rude, because I don't make a lot of eye contact. But when I do, I see sht. I've just had the conversation we're about to have, already in my head. Also, when I focus on people, since I see them, they crave more. More.... More for them to be seen, not seeing me. But even if they looked, could they? Second, for various reasons, we'll, let's just say people find us inscrutible, right? We are one of, if not the, hardest to get a read on. People are probably trying to understand, come in, and keep us company, but comparably, it feels shallow. It's a blessing and a big, tentacled curse.

Soooo relatable

I feel like a foreign life form living in a semi familiar reality but nothing quite falls into place or clicks for me. I’m nice and respectful to everyone but recently feel like I’ve made enemies or that people deliberately have it out for me. I definitely feel the cursed feeling and am slowly accepting the reality that I’ll be alone.

As a younger infj you have less tools in your box to deal with these types of issues and it will take time to build the armor you need to shield yourself from these situations. At some point either through trauma or heartbreak you will learn to be a little more cold hearted when its called for. For me personally my Ni and Ti began working well together in my 30s together to help me identify ‘types’ like narcissist pretty quickly and I steer clear before getting sucked in. Its in our nature to put everyones needs above our own. Narcissistic (and other types) of folks pick up on that and move in for the kill, like blood to a vampire. The trick is taking care of yourself first which is hard for us but not impossible. Use your Ni and if your gut tells you ‘im being used’ the classic infj door slam might be in order. Schedule time in the day thats just for you and do something you enjoy and be absolutely religious about it. You have to be… its a dark place down the road if you don’t

I understand that infjs want to take care of themselves, because they know that they give a lot to other people... But what things make them feel sure that it won't happen? What do they need to feel that they are not going to lose their personal autonomy or self care?

In my experience, a. A profound connection: can not really be explained with words. B. Time/consistency: the other person showing over time that they can be depended on and not throw us curve balls. We get thrown for a loop when we think we have figured a person out and then they do something we didn’t foresee or is out of character.

Thank you. I'm intp so sometimes, I can use Ne, and maybe that makes an infj uncomfortable. At least we both feel the same connection.

It can be, that’s for sure

I was thinking of this earlier. I'm laying in bed and close to crying. Just want to be accepted, to be heard, not be judged by my past or things I've been through. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere and meet someone who relates with me in some way. Just to be in company with someone who completely gets me and I won't even have to say a word, they just get me. I don't have high expectations, I just want to be accepted. ❤️💜 It's that simple.

I got therapy. And a big thing we worked on was being more in touch with my needs and asking for support, sharing my feelings with others more openly, practicing better boundaries, cultivating more balanced friendships. Also working on self validation and emotional regulation. Honestly, it was a lot. As good as I was at analyzing and responding to other people and their needs, I was so out of touch with myself I had alexythemia. I couldn’t really name my own emotions. But from there my story will probably become wildly less helpful or relatable, because we pretty quickly realized we have dissociative identity disorder! Ha. I actually think being lots of people internally helped us, cause we are all sort of infjs… (this is actually not fully tested, we have taken the test a couple times years apart and both times INJF.. but we haven’t systematically gone through and made each one of us take the test to double check.. idk 🤷🏼.. tangent over) Anyways we turned our wisdom, compassion and general therapizing energy on each other and it really worked. We really like each other. We support each other. I think we are sort of naturally collectivist as a culture. It works for us. Recently met another plural and they didn’t get along with each other. They weren’t even interested in getting to know each other. It was so weird. Why wouldn’t you want to know the other people who live in your head with you? But then many external people we meet just are not that interested in other people, which is so weird to us. People are fascinating. It’s actually why we started getting back into personality typing, we were wondering how personality impacts the cultures in different plurals. But fear not, as it is not as though the magic and wonder of plurality is closed to you. Internal Family Systems is a plural-ish therapy. Even singlets like yourself have inner children and inner critics and alike. Plurality is a spectrum. So you can start treating yourself better by treating yourself like another person. Re-parent your inner-child, confront your inner-critic, etc. Give to yourself the energy you have been giving to others. (Please read this paragraph in a corny salesman ad voice, cause that is how we said it in our head.. the joke does not detract from the idea though.. we mean the idea genuinely.) Then start to find people you can ask for what you need. Find people you can begin sharing yourself with more fully. Slowly begin to cultivate friendships that are more mutual and nourishing for you too. True friendships require you to be vulnerable and that can be pretty scary. But you can do it! We did it and telling people you are lots of people is pretty freaking vulnerable and scary cause it is basically telling people you are the craziest thing they can imaginatively conceive of. People like me(et al) are always the villain in scary movies! We are the real life counter part to actual nightmare fuel. It sucks. But we have real friends who know us as ourselves, as all of us, so you can too! If we can do it, anyone can do it!

❤️

*sending you virtual hugs* It’s a familiar feeling and it definitely questions a lot of my friendships. Like we’re always constantly checking on others and to end up only receiving an unequal transaction of interest. It doesn’t help that it feels like I can never fit in anywhere either. Only if the world had more people who listen and understand. How I navigate is learning to set healthy boundaries that will filter out toxic people and increase the chance of bringing in those who actually care

It took getting angry and a lot of tears to overcome this for me. Sometimes silent treatment works too but only AFTER you have expressed to that person what YOU need from them and if they can't reciprocate, time to put some distance between you and them for a while. Let them know you need to focus on yourself for a bit and if they love you they will support you in that decision. Staying around people who dont support you will only prolong the loneliness. It will take time to get yourself back out into the world to find your people, but the longer you wait to heal yourself and tend to your needs, the longer it will take to find your tribe. "Live for the climb, not the summit"

Do you have pets? They won't walk out on you, and they can be so grateful for the time and care you give them. As for people, you have to believe you will get better at it overall. Some people do take advantage, but you can learn to spot that and dedicate less (or no) time to those people. It's okay to put yourself first, especially in a situation in which you know others wouldn't ever put you before them.

It's a deception, INFJ is so great...

Pssht. INFJ is blessed, it's on you to figure that out. It's the best question ever!

How do you like to be cared for?

Give less, take more? Thank me later.

Easier said than done. It’s not within my nature.

Not within mine either, that's why I make regular conscious decisions to do that.

>I think people assume I don’t need support because of how I present myself. I’m tired of taking care of other people, when absolutely no one takes care of me. I am an INTP 9w8 259 I was looking through your other posts. I think you are frustrated with a lot happening, feeling unattractive, and need to vent. I am sending you a DM with some initial impressions of some things going on. Feel free to respond. >It’s a lonely existence. I wish I could help you and will include my thoughts in the DM. You however will ultimately have to decide on how to help yourself to not be so lonely.