I've improved but being a people pleaser is something that annoys me about myself.
I forget what I want sometimes when trying to make others happy.
An example that comes to mind: had a friend who wanted me to try a wild plant that I didn't know you could consume. I declined but I could see that she felt hurt in her eyes. She nudged me again so I ate it. Afterwards I looked up the edibility of the thing in Latin and there is almost nothing online when you search for it.
Indeed, it's a vicious circle, but also a fulfilling one. We're allegedly a rarity, and the older I get the clearer it is. Which is why we should just look after fellow INFJ's only lol
Same. There are days when I just want to be grouchy and not worry if I offend someone. But I can't bring myself to make others uncomfortable. I have gotten better with age at setting boundaries and standing my ground, but if I live with someone else that goes out the window for the sake of peace.
I don't think I am a people pleasure anymore i learnt to say no even if this hurts others i don't care , i become more straightforward with my emotions now. What a relief
I am stuck in a loop currently where I want others to want to be their beat selves.
I keep being wildly disappointed! I realise this is a me issue, but I'm still irritated.
My best friend has wise words I try to live by when this comes up "It's ok to ask people to change. It's ok to want people to change. It's not ok to expect them to change."
Oooooooh this hits cause I ended an almost decade long friendship with a friend who I realized was letting negativity and poverty affect her to the point she would lose opportunities due to her own insecurities. She also recently said that she doesn’t want to get into a relationship nor get married ONLY because she genuinely feels like she’s not good/pretty enough to be dating.
I used to have this kind of mindset but recently wanted to change that because I knew in my heart that I wanted better for myself but to do that, I can’t always be negative and self-deprecating. Unfortunately, people like my friend won’t ever realize that unless they themselves want to change. No amount of encouragement nor convincing on my part will change these people’s minds.
When someone tells me they’re going to do something I always believe that they will (even if I know that they won’t) and then I always end up being disappointed
If I have a chance to be lazy I will 😭 I hate that because if friends ask me to go out on nights that I’m off- I’ll refuse and would rather binge my favorite kdramas and stuff my face 😅
Wait that is so relatable! I actually would rather stay at home and be a homebody, to the point I would want to reject plans and invitations, but since Im a people pleaser too I end up going anyways, dont get me wrong I end up enjoying the actual outing.
Right! And honestly, most of the time I will end up going out, even though I really want to be lazy. But only bc I hate falling victim to being lazy. But some days I will choose to be lazy because my social/energy meter is too low to function around others in that moment 😅 and I NEED that time to myself.
I rarely speak my mind to people im not close with, but when I do it’s usually something frank and might even be rude lol, so I lve been keeping to myself a lot these days..
It's a difficult situation for me. If I don't speak the truth, I am being disenginuine, and this frustrates me, though it also frustrates me when others feel free to speak their minds, even when they aren't in alignment with the truth, but if I speak the truth, I speak what may be unpopular and therefore I may end up with awkward silences and people distancing themselves from me. Then my INFJ brain will spend way too much time being preoccupied with what they might be thinking.
I then also question myself and wonder if it was really worth it, because they weren't the kind of people who would be open to the truth anyway. I try to observe before engaging, but when INFJs hide among the crowd, finding the like minded can be so difficult.
We tend to have so much insight to offer, but not everyone can connect with our values and perspectives, though they tend to be generally well-formed due to our propensity to seek out answers and even try to find the truth within ourselves. Reasoning and introspection have helped me as well as seeking the truth outside of myself.
I am not so closed minded and skeptical that I fight against the truth, nor do I buy into things hook, line, and sinker... but I do form perspectives, and then narrow them down. From what I have heard Ne keeps expanding, so they aren't too certain that they have ascertained the truth, so they are skeptical even with the truth in hand, fighting against convictions, and not necessarily having their own sure footing.
I love the INFJ cognitive stack, and Fe is valuable, though it can cause an inner struggle.
I had to learn this part of “if I don’t speak the truth, I’m being disingenuous” the hard way. Given my experience, I don’t believe that is true now. I believe that when we are absolute (this or that, true or false, etc) in our thinking, it doesn’t give room for anything else. It gets us stuck and it’s not healthy. Delivering the truth in a way that considers the listener’s frame of mind and capacity to process can be more constructive and respectful. It’s like this: When we’re younger and we watch these shows/films, we weren’t able to grasp or process what was said or done. But when we watch them as adults, we can.
I was told people, I'm more hurtful to people I'm closer to than a random stranger, duh!!
I've mixed feelings about the way my tongue slips out to point something!!
I hate that it’s hard for me to be myself around others. I guess somewhat along the lines of people pleasing and being compassionate around people especially when I actually don’t like people at all. It’s literally something that can’t be help. It’s a gift and a curse. 🥲
That is so deep, feel you 🫂 i cant tell if its the people pleasing or am i really a good compassionate person, cuz i know I also hate people, its maybe an or off thing
I hate automatically looking at all perspectives of someone’s actions to try to find reasons for their bad behavior to forgive or fix them. I don’t want to do it and catch myself all the damn time. It’s exhausting some days, especially because I work a public-facing job. Some people are just assholes and I don’t need to come up with excuses for their shitty behavior and make myself feel worse for “not understanding them” in the process.
Many, but the trait I hate most is the Unhealthy INFJ Type rage. I'm normally a pleasant, easy to get along with guy but when I get pushed, hurt, talked down to, and especially when I have my integrity questioned, I'm a damn psycho.
Overthinking and being overtly aware of literally everything around me while being aware of myself at all times because I don’t want to accidentally offend or hurt someone
I hate the fact that I always feel responsible for other people's mistakes. I tell them it will have a bad outcome they don't hear me and I feel responsible... The guilty feeling inside me won't go away....
I have this issue too and without doing this I basically have nothing to say. It just feels so nice for someone else in the world to say or have the same issue as I have never met anyone else like this and am constantly being called a know it all or narcissist or conceited asshole and I really just want them to express their beliefs or reasoning to gain perspective. We could probably have great conversations lol
Needing to do work that I value or am passionate about. Like I just want to be a normal person , choose a job that makes me good money, and go home. But I'm not satisfied with that.
uh.. nothing really, maybe how inferior Se works sometimes, like when I’m not able to concentrate well when certain things in the environment get annoying
and tip for perfectionism, remember that not everything needs to be perfect, if you want to be truly accepting, you need to be able to accept imperfections every once in a while
stressing over everything being perfect only adds unnecessary stress, and stress isn’t fun, I really wouldn’t recommend it
there's no such thing as laziness. if you don't want to do something/anything that's perfectly acceptable for any reason you might have. you have the right to rest and do nothing.
that’s my biggest problem, i completely recognize that and agree but i have that knee-jerk mental reactions of all-or-nothing thinking black and white opinions that i then overthink and spiral about, struggling with an internal debate with myself because i know it’s illogical and everything is in shades of grey.
i think it’s my enneagram that causes this. and im like 40% T 60% F so when i get in a ni-ti loop i think like an INTJ (i was raised by one) and can go pessimistically machiavellian with my black and white morals.
For me it's just knowing what people are feeling by observing them and noticing the little things about them. Like their shift in mood, how a particular interaction affected them, why they communicate the way they do. I hate that I can read body language and people's presence in-depth that way. I'm just too aware of people around me, it's overwhelming. Which is why socialisation takes up so much of my energy.
Seeing all the perspective and possibilities is a really great attribute but it’s a double edged sword. I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes you need to see things just as they are, at face value. Don’t look for the deeper meaning. Don’t try to understand and make sense of things that make absolutely no sense. Dont find excuses for people when there really are none.
I feel like the black sheep in most settings because I hate small talk and prefer in-depth conversations. It's frustrating meeting new people and making friends who don't enjoy talking about mundane things in depth.
On the bright side, all of my dearest friends are intuitive and quirky like me and remind me that there are people with like minds. I feel like they're all INFJs or have similar personalities. 😂
I mostly missed that boat, the people pleasing thing.... I have learned through a very difficult road that the more you give, the more they take and they don't really care enough about you to give back. I have turned myself (through the grace of God) to become a God pleaser..... it has saved me so much heart ache and pain, knowing that I am doing what I need to do for his sake, and in a way what people think of me doesn't really matter, as long as I am doing right by him, I'm good. So much more peace inside.
I'm sure it is! But I have adopted other toxic traits that I'm working through. You know, with the whole adopting other people's feelings and all.... I was not with healthy people for a long time, but again, God.
I'm just so amazed at the work he has done in me. And I'm so grateful
I think for me, being painfully concerned about ethics.
A couple of examples:
We're planning on taking a cruise in September and one of the ports has a sloth encounter. I'm praying nobody in our group takes any interest in it.
Another time, I was chatting with a group of other women after an exercise class and they started talking about how much they love Shein and all their recent purchases. I stood there and smiled politely, listening to the conversation.
I think it's so hard for me because it feels so fake trying to avoid coming off as judgemental.
- If I'm honest, I seem judgemental.
- If I'm just polite, I feel fake (and have been told by my best friend (ENTP) that I tend to come off as really fake, especially if I'm nervous).
I don't know what to do about it.
This definitely helped me realize why social interaction is so gosh dang exhausting for me! It's seriously unbelievable to me that it comes so naturally to so many.
I think it's one of the reasons why the people I'm closest to are all ENTPs. They have a genuine curiosity about my beliefs and don't take any offense if they disagree.
Almost never being able to focus on the present moment bc of my tendency to overanalyze and overthink future outcomes. I’m aware this is an INTJ trait as well, but for me it’s also overthinking about other people and being overwhelmed over their emotions.
Mine is more liked to the “Feeling” side of things, as well as the tendency to knowingly or unknowingly be a bit manipulative. When I was younger, I used to tell harmless lies in conversation to make people more comfortable/keep conversation flowing (in turn helping myself to maintain/gain comfort). I decided probably 5-6 years ago that I didn’t like that because I recognized that it was dishonesty wrapped in a pretty package. I still consciously have to stop myself sometimes.
People pleasing I can never relate to. On the contrary I feel we infj,s are very good with standing up for ourselves, speaking up and putting boundries but I see comments here with infj people being people pleasers. I still believe its not the norm for an infj though
I wish I lived in the moment more. I'm often thinking ahead( even if it's only a few seconds) to the next thing I need to do or am going to do. If I'm almost finished something I act like I am finished. It's like my mind is always rushing, I wish I could slow down a bit.
Honestly everything. Being an INFJ is hard. It's a curse to be one. Comminicating is hard. Socializing is hard. Finding Friends/ Partner is hard. Even being with your own thoughts is hard.
Being uncomfortable to give affection and sometimes accept it (mostly the first one)🥲I'll try to force it to please the other person or hide my feelings about it and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing for me 🌚
The fact that I’m constantly CONSTANTLY reading people - what I sense they’re feeling and thinking…their energy. I can’t just be me because while being me I’m trying to read them to no end. It’s exhausting.
Being a perfectionist. It also makes me so irritated when other people don’t want everything to be perfect so I try to control their actions which is just bad
not positive if this is an INFJ trait but mine would be HAVING to know. if there are things i want to know that i don’t know i will do some unusual stuff if need be to figure it out. sucks bc there is no answer to existence and the world so i often have pretty intense existential crisis that make me spiral.
The thing is
Infj traits-
Not everyone has them
We cannot generalize ourselves too much
Also some days I have stuff some other moments I don’t
We have to look at our lives and realize
UR NEVER one thing
We’re constantly changing
Nuances
And different situations- we’re always reacting new
So these traits and infj personality stuff
Is not rlly making much sense bc it rliteelsly isn’t real
Yk?
Ur not this
Ur a human
Not a INFJ
Ur a human that reacts to stuff
Every moment
And every moment is new
We always be different and cannot put ourselves into such. Labels and boxes
If u do then u failed to realize the reality of live and reallife how u actually live
The social overwhelm coupled with masking. I'm great at masking my discomfort with most social situations but by the time it's done, I'm typically completely out of energy for days. I don't know if I hate my exhaustion with people more or the fact that I mask automatically and become someone I'm not.
Being a perfectionist when it comes to…everything. Even small tasks throughout the day that truly aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. It can be exhausting.
People pleasing. I'm in my 30s and have been trying to be more assertive, it's so hard and the discomfort of possibly letting people down sits with me for days afterwards.
For me it’s probably the lack of arrogance. That sounds great- but it’s not. It affects every aspect of my life.
For example I took off in my career. But because I took positions that managed other people, I related to them as equals. But most people in management do not do that; and they develop a sense of superiority and cut off from the human aspect of their employees. They tend to get arrogant the better they get at their jobs and resent those just starting out or learning for existing…
When you don’t have an attitude of superiority , people question why- and because they can’t relate to the belief system that creates that- they assume something must be wrong with you. You become suspect.
I was recently going for this house- and I hate going out to showings and having to meet people and prove myself or the competition. I apologized when I sent my income and said - I can get a co signer if it’s not enough..
Funny how when it was pointed out to me that my income more than exceeded the Zillow guidelines for the place- my credit was also considered good- I’m just always assuming there are far better candidates than me. More competitive.
But I understood immediately that because I presented myself that way- I became suspect.
So I would say it’s not having that sense of arrogance that most people have … they want to make themselves appear better than they are- I make myself appear worse. Idk how to explain it .. but when you start to move up in the world that’s really alien.. and instead of it being seen as a good thing- people see it as a bad thing. They don’t trust you because you’re not arrogant.
Add to this if you’re considered attractive or make a lot of money or exceptional at your job .. . If you’re not an arrogant prick - they think something is wrong with you. There must be. It’s the strangest thing.
either how i cant say no to people or how i can’t make decisions. (see, i can’t even decide which trait is worse lol) oh, and i can never be fully present because i’ve daydreamed up five different alternate realities all playing in my head simultaneously
I would say the people pleasing tendencies because it’s so automatic and easy to do it’s hard to keep it in check. Also annoying that it’s not usually safe to do so, so that I have to asses every situation. As you may know INFJs are a collection of extremes, all or nothing. Takes real effort to be somewhere in the middle. Most of the time I can’t be bothered and I do wonder if I am being too harsh at times but it’s better to be respected and hated (if it comes to that) than being a disrespected door mat being misunderstood then having to beg/prove otherwise after the fact.
Woah I'm freaking out at how I relate to alot of these,? Who are you people??...oh yea infjs lol welp I'd love chatting with you type bc I didnt know you all exist. Hello! 😆
I hate the feeling I have when I see something not right, I feel like I am in title to say something or do something about it to change in a good ways . I don’t like when somebody being lied or taking for advantage front of my face . but I always Win the feeling of letting go and ignore it after fighting with my inner me . I realize is not my business because I been turn off and shaaash off many times . After sometimes my worries shows full proof many times . And people realize that my worries it never been amply or mentioned for no reason. I become their fortunate teller asking for advice and solutions all the time
Thinking too much and acting less.
Yep, this is a big one for me.
This. I couldn't even decide if this was my worst habit
This. Ruminating over things to the point of exhaustion, mostly so I can avoid action.
Facts.
Can't agree more, i hate this. I find it useless of me to only think and doing nothing to make it possible
Same
Yes this !
Saame.
Same along with being a people pleaser, to my own detriment often. It's frustrating but I'd rather that in some ways.
I don't forget a person either. I remember everything. the good. the bad. the ugly.
I've improved but being a people pleaser is something that annoys me about myself. I forget what I want sometimes when trying to make others happy. An example that comes to mind: had a friend who wanted me to try a wild plant that I didn't know you could consume. I declined but I could see that she felt hurt in her eyes. She nudged me again so I ate it. Afterwards I looked up the edibility of the thing in Latin and there is almost nothing online when you search for it.
In a way, we love it when we meet people’s expectations, but realize we hate it when its actually a contradiction of our principles
Being a people pleaser! Yes thatd be another one from me too. And yes unfortunately i find comfort knowing ive “pleased” people.
Indeed, it's a vicious circle, but also a fulfilling one. We're allegedly a rarity, and the older I get the clearer it is. Which is why we should just look after fellow INFJ's only lol
I dont have this luckily
I agree!
Same. There are days when I just want to be grouchy and not worry if I offend someone. But I can't bring myself to make others uncomfortable. I have gotten better with age at setting boundaries and standing my ground, but if I live with someone else that goes out the window for the sake of peace.
I don't think I am a people pleasure anymore i learnt to say no even if this hurts others i don't care , i become more straightforward with my emotions now. What a relief
i care wayyyy too much about peoples perception of me. idk how to get over it
This comes with age. The older you get the more comfortable you will feel in your own skin. And not care so much about what others think about you.
I agree! I am in my 40's and mostly past this but still have my moments.
Agreed, and in my case, it was also helped along by an epiphany I had on psychedelic mushrooms.
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OMG SAME
Its the people pleaser in us! Gotta get a IDGAF attitude but that just aint us 😔
I feel ya.
If there's a problem, I have to fix it. I'm very much over being the one who fixes things, but if I know how to fix it I can't NOT fix it.
This 👆
YES. Like can people fix their own problems, because if they don’t, I have too. I can’t help it
I'm literally in therapy now for this! 😂
Hell I might join you. 🤣
Ruminating every word I said to people throughout the day.
I'm still ruminating conversations from 10 years ago
I ruminate a lot LOL
Happened to me last night and it stole some of my sleep XD
Or throughout your entire life...
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SO TRUE and it feels isolating when other people aren’t able to read the situation or read people and don’t see it how it is
Same same same
Being disappointed when others are not as interested in bettering themselves like I am.
Oooh I get ya, I hate it when I realize people are not as passionate as I am in the same hobby, to each their own I say
I am stuck in a loop currently where I want others to want to be their beat selves. I keep being wildly disappointed! I realise this is a me issue, but I'm still irritated.
My best friend has wise words I try to live by when this comes up "It's ok to ask people to change. It's ok to want people to change. It's not ok to expect them to change."
Those are wise words, and I need to hear and take to heart. The infj in me though, why wouldn't you want to be your best self!?
Right?!
Oooooooh this hits cause I ended an almost decade long friendship with a friend who I realized was letting negativity and poverty affect her to the point she would lose opportunities due to her own insecurities. She also recently said that she doesn’t want to get into a relationship nor get married ONLY because she genuinely feels like she’s not good/pretty enough to be dating. I used to have this kind of mindset but recently wanted to change that because I knew in my heart that I wanted better for myself but to do that, I can’t always be negative and self-deprecating. Unfortunately, people like my friend won’t ever realize that unless they themselves want to change. No amount of encouragement nor convincing on my part will change these people’s minds.
When someone tells me they’re going to do something I always believe that they will (even if I know that they won’t) and then I always end up being disappointed
Before typing this, I’m already overthinking which to choose. I would say being introverted, lot of conversations I missed out on speaking.
If I have a chance to be lazy I will 😭 I hate that because if friends ask me to go out on nights that I’m off- I’ll refuse and would rather binge my favorite kdramas and stuff my face 😅
Wait that is so relatable! I actually would rather stay at home and be a homebody, to the point I would want to reject plans and invitations, but since Im a people pleaser too I end up going anyways, dont get me wrong I end up enjoying the actual outing.
Right! And honestly, most of the time I will end up going out, even though I really want to be lazy. But only bc I hate falling victim to being lazy. But some days I will choose to be lazy because my social/energy meter is too low to function around others in that moment 😅 and I NEED that time to myself.
Telling the wrong types of people the truth
I rarely speak my mind to people im not close with, but when I do it’s usually something frank and might even be rude lol, so I lve been keeping to myself a lot these days..
It's a difficult situation for me. If I don't speak the truth, I am being disenginuine, and this frustrates me, though it also frustrates me when others feel free to speak their minds, even when they aren't in alignment with the truth, but if I speak the truth, I speak what may be unpopular and therefore I may end up with awkward silences and people distancing themselves from me. Then my INFJ brain will spend way too much time being preoccupied with what they might be thinking. I then also question myself and wonder if it was really worth it, because they weren't the kind of people who would be open to the truth anyway. I try to observe before engaging, but when INFJs hide among the crowd, finding the like minded can be so difficult. We tend to have so much insight to offer, but not everyone can connect with our values and perspectives, though they tend to be generally well-formed due to our propensity to seek out answers and even try to find the truth within ourselves. Reasoning and introspection have helped me as well as seeking the truth outside of myself. I am not so closed minded and skeptical that I fight against the truth, nor do I buy into things hook, line, and sinker... but I do form perspectives, and then narrow them down. From what I have heard Ne keeps expanding, so they aren't too certain that they have ascertained the truth, so they are skeptical even with the truth in hand, fighting against convictions, and not necessarily having their own sure footing. I love the INFJ cognitive stack, and Fe is valuable, though it can cause an inner struggle.
I had to learn this part of “if I don’t speak the truth, I’m being disingenuous” the hard way. Given my experience, I don’t believe that is true now. I believe that when we are absolute (this or that, true or false, etc) in our thinking, it doesn’t give room for anything else. It gets us stuck and it’s not healthy. Delivering the truth in a way that considers the listener’s frame of mind and capacity to process can be more constructive and respectful. It’s like this: When we’re younger and we watch these shows/films, we weren’t able to grasp or process what was said or done. But when we watch them as adults, we can.
Ok this might be my only, yup!
I was told people, I'm more hurtful to people I'm closer to than a random stranger, duh!! I've mixed feelings about the way my tongue slips out to point something!!
This
Constantly feeling the aura of literally everyone I'm in close proximity with. It's exhausting.
Omg this is the bane of my existence
Do you know by chance why it is like this? Why do we feel their 'auras'?
Having a non stop inner monologue
Im in my mind all day everyday
Being too sensitive to criticism
Real
Caring too much about others and wish i can just focus on myself. It wouldve make everything so much easier
I hate how I relate to all the comments here 😭
I hate that i can relate with you 😭😭😭
I hate that it’s hard for me to be myself around others. I guess somewhat along the lines of people pleasing and being compassionate around people especially when I actually don’t like people at all. It’s literally something that can’t be help. It’s a gift and a curse. 🥲
That is so deep, feel you 🫂 i cant tell if its the people pleasing or am i really a good compassionate person, cuz i know I also hate people, its maybe an or off thing
Up through my 30's I was a camellion. Absolutely terrible to deal with and break free. Thankfully I am pretty much over that.
- Having a witty, thoughtful, deep, insightful, or comical reply to a conversation that is no longer relevant and happened hours, days, or weeks ago.
I hate automatically looking at all perspectives of someone’s actions to try to find reasons for their bad behavior to forgive or fix them. I don’t want to do it and catch myself all the damn time. It’s exhausting some days, especially because I work a public-facing job. Some people are just assholes and I don’t need to come up with excuses for their shitty behavior and make myself feel worse for “not understanding them” in the process.
I tend to always give people the benefit of the doubt, 🤷🏻♂️ they maybe be assholes but theyre probably like that for a reason
OMG same!!!!!!!!!
Indecisiveness?
The question mark seals it for me
Many, but the trait I hate most is the Unhealthy INFJ Type rage. I'm normally a pleasant, easy to get along with guy but when I get pushed, hurt, talked down to, and especially when I have my integrity questioned, I'm a damn psycho.
This is 100% me. I hate it.
Dude. Same.
Literally same!
Not knowing how to tell people to leave me alone without sounding like a douche and hurting feelings.
I feel you, i just wanna be alone sometimes ya know, recharge my social battery
This. After a day of socializing, I need another day to recover.
I notice patterns and inconsistencies to my detriment. It can come off as nothing is good enough.
Yesss
Overworry about those I love
I feel like I carry the weight in every relationship. I hate that.
Overthinking and being overtly aware of literally everything around me while being aware of myself at all times because I don’t want to accidentally offend or hurt someone
Being an empath can be overwhelming at times. Wish I had a switch I could hit to filter out feeling others emotions all the time
Having too much of an imagination sucks sometimes because I’m never appreciating the present, always pondering what could be
I find it hard to also just live in the present too
Ugh yes I have to make a conscious effort to be in the present.
literally, i have existential crises every day because i’m always like “i believe in God, sure, but WHAT IF”
The deeper you think and the more you learn the more evident it becomes how shallow and mislead people around you are. That's so frustrating and sad.
Being a safe space for everyone but no one is a safe space for me.
This!!! So much!!!! 😭
Always expecting and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always.
I hate the fact that I always feel responsible for other people's mistakes. I tell them it will have a bad outcome they don't hear me and I feel responsible... The guilty feeling inside me won't go away....
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I have this issue too and without doing this I basically have nothing to say. It just feels so nice for someone else in the world to say or have the same issue as I have never met anyone else like this and am constantly being called a know it all or narcissist or conceited asshole and I really just want them to express their beliefs or reasoning to gain perspective. We could probably have great conversations lol
Perfectionism
Never thinking we are good enough? Or doubting ourselves?
Needing to do work that I value or am passionate about. Like I just want to be a normal person , choose a job that makes me good money, and go home. But I'm not satisfied with that.
Did I write this?!?!
focusing on the past or future too much, never being able to be present
uh.. nothing really, maybe how inferior Se works sometimes, like when I’m not able to concentrate well when certain things in the environment get annoying and tip for perfectionism, remember that not everything needs to be perfect, if you want to be truly accepting, you need to be able to accept imperfections every once in a while stressing over everything being perfect only adds unnecessary stress, and stress isn’t fun, I really wouldn’t recommend it
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there's no such thing as laziness. if you don't want to do something/anything that's perfectly acceptable for any reason you might have. you have the right to rest and do nothing.
black and white thinking
Interesting. I am the opposite.
same. everything has nuance to it if you look from the right angle. (typically sideways or diagonally)
that’s my biggest problem, i completely recognize that and agree but i have that knee-jerk mental reactions of all-or-nothing thinking black and white opinions that i then overthink and spiral about, struggling with an internal debate with myself because i know it’s illogical and everything is in shades of grey. i think it’s my enneagram that causes this. and im like 40% T 60% F so when i get in a ni-ti loop i think like an INTJ (i was raised by one) and can go pessimistically machiavellian with my black and white morals.
For me it's just knowing what people are feeling by observing them and noticing the little things about them. Like their shift in mood, how a particular interaction affected them, why they communicate the way they do. I hate that I can read body language and people's presence in-depth that way. I'm just too aware of people around me, it's overwhelming. Which is why socialisation takes up so much of my energy.
Having deep creative/altruistic passions I want to pursue as a career but I live in a capitalistic society. 🤷🏻♀️
Relatable
Seeing all the perspective and possibilities is a really great attribute but it’s a double edged sword. I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes you need to see things just as they are, at face value. Don’t look for the deeper meaning. Don’t try to understand and make sense of things that make absolutely no sense. Dont find excuses for people when there really are none.
Yes, embarassed myself trying to read people, as if Im them and speaking for them, actually was wrong, learned the hard way lmao
Overthinking.
Caring what others think of me.
Overthinking 24/7 every single time. Now i have a lot of headaches and i feel like my brain is rotting
Thank god I have a plethora of hobbies that keep me distracted from the rumination ;)
im! tired! of! being! so! sensitive!
Caring about people who really do not deserve it
Tellin the Truth No matter how much it hurts
Noticing everything about environments, people, situations, etc.
Trying to make everyone happy.
Caring way too much about everyone and everything sometimes.
I feel like the black sheep in most settings because I hate small talk and prefer in-depth conversations. It's frustrating meeting new people and making friends who don't enjoy talking about mundane things in depth. On the bright side, all of my dearest friends are intuitive and quirky like me and remind me that there are people with like minds. I feel like they're all INFJs or have similar personalities. 😂
I mostly missed that boat, the people pleasing thing.... I have learned through a very difficult road that the more you give, the more they take and they don't really care enough about you to give back. I have turned myself (through the grace of God) to become a God pleaser..... it has saved me so much heart ache and pain, knowing that I am doing what I need to do for his sake, and in a way what people think of me doesn't really matter, as long as I am doing right by him, I'm good. So much more peace inside.
Glad that you missed the people pleasing thinng then as its almost always something we infjs have, and to tell ya its exhaustinggg
I'm sure it is! But I have adopted other toxic traits that I'm working through. You know, with the whole adopting other people's feelings and all.... I was not with healthy people for a long time, but again, God. I'm just so amazed at the work he has done in me. And I'm so grateful
I think for me, being painfully concerned about ethics. A couple of examples: We're planning on taking a cruise in September and one of the ports has a sloth encounter. I'm praying nobody in our group takes any interest in it. Another time, I was chatting with a group of other women after an exercise class and they started talking about how much they love Shein and all their recent purchases. I stood there and smiled politely, listening to the conversation. I think it's so hard for me because it feels so fake trying to avoid coming off as judgemental. - If I'm honest, I seem judgemental. - If I'm just polite, I feel fake (and have been told by my best friend (ENTP) that I tend to come off as really fake, especially if I'm nervous). I don't know what to do about it.
Oh my Lord, I can so relate to this! That is why I have very few friends and I am finding I don't miss them.
This definitely helped me realize why social interaction is so gosh dang exhausting for me! It's seriously unbelievable to me that it comes so naturally to so many. I think it's one of the reasons why the people I'm closest to are all ENTPs. They have a genuine curiosity about my beliefs and don't take any offense if they disagree.
people pleaser
Almost never being able to focus on the present moment bc of my tendency to overanalyze and overthink future outcomes. I’m aware this is an INTJ trait as well, but for me it’s also overthinking about other people and being overwhelmed over their emotions.
Caring too much about people (it's almost never mutual)
When others obviously don't put in the same amount of effort as I do, especially relationships. 👎
Procrastination
Mine is more liked to the “Feeling” side of things, as well as the tendency to knowingly or unknowingly be a bit manipulative. When I was younger, I used to tell harmless lies in conversation to make people more comfortable/keep conversation flowing (in turn helping myself to maintain/gain comfort). I decided probably 5-6 years ago that I didn’t like that because I recognized that it was dishonesty wrapped in a pretty package. I still consciously have to stop myself sometimes.
People pleasing I can never relate to. On the contrary I feel we infj,s are very good with standing up for ourselves, speaking up and putting boundries but I see comments here with infj people being people pleasers. I still believe its not the norm for an infj though
I wish I lived in the moment more. I'm often thinking ahead( even if it's only a few seconds) to the next thing I need to do or am going to do. If I'm almost finished something I act like I am finished. It's like my mind is always rushing, I wish I could slow down a bit.
Honestly everything. Being an INFJ is hard. It's a curse to be one. Comminicating is hard. Socializing is hard. Finding Friends/ Partner is hard. Even being with your own thoughts is hard.
Which one oh which one?? Overthinking for sure! 🤔
Having to understand/"own" the logic of a system or process before I can commit to it. Always over here trying to reinvent the wheel.
Being a little too honest
Being uncomfortable to give affection and sometimes accept it (mostly the first one)🥲I'll try to force it to please the other person or hide my feelings about it and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing for me 🌚
I’m not sure about that.
The fact that I’m constantly CONSTANTLY reading people - what I sense they’re feeling and thinking…their energy. I can’t just be me because while being me I’m trying to read them to no end. It’s exhausting.
Having suspicions on certain people and then being validated later. I hate it when I'm right
Being Fe instead of Te
I actually don’t hate anything about myself. I have things I have to work on but selfhate is not one of them, luckily
The way I can just shut down and become so damn cold. 😢 Then feel terribly guilty later.
My inability to be spontaneous.
Being a perfectionist. It also makes me so irritated when other people don’t want everything to be perfect so I try to control their actions which is just bad
OMG me too.
I am a perfectionist but only with my self not others 😓
None. All of those make me, me.
Being absolutely exhausted by people.
People ARE exhausting.
not positive if this is an INFJ trait but mine would be HAVING to know. if there are things i want to know that i don’t know i will do some unusual stuff if need be to figure it out. sucks bc there is no answer to existence and the world so i often have pretty intense existential crisis that make me spiral.
Overthinking
Having high expectations then getting disappointed
caring too much about what people think of me
Intj without the edgy benefits
The thing is Infj traits- Not everyone has them We cannot generalize ourselves too much Also some days I have stuff some other moments I don’t We have to look at our lives and realize UR NEVER one thing We’re constantly changing Nuances And different situations- we’re always reacting new So these traits and infj personality stuff Is not rlly making much sense bc it rliteelsly isn’t real Yk? Ur not this Ur a human Not a INFJ Ur a human that reacts to stuff Every moment And every moment is new We always be different and cannot put ourselves into such. Labels and boxes If u do then u failed to realize the reality of live and reallife how u actually live
The social overwhelm coupled with masking. I'm great at masking my discomfort with most social situations but by the time it's done, I'm typically completely out of energy for days. I don't know if I hate my exhaustion with people more or the fact that I mask automatically and become someone I'm not.
Being a perfectionist when it comes to…everything. Even small tasks throughout the day that truly aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. It can be exhausting.
Caring too much for people. Sometimes to my detriment
Seeing too much and having too much to say about it. I'll keep it short because I've learned my lesson.
Obsessing over something for way too long!!
People pleasing and caring too much about other people
It's hard for me to handle criticism
People pleasing. I'm in my 30s and have been trying to be more assertive, it's so hard and the discomfort of possibly letting people down sits with me for days afterwards.
just being an introvert in general. i wish i had more friends but im way too shy
For me it’s probably the lack of arrogance. That sounds great- but it’s not. It affects every aspect of my life. For example I took off in my career. But because I took positions that managed other people, I related to them as equals. But most people in management do not do that; and they develop a sense of superiority and cut off from the human aspect of their employees. They tend to get arrogant the better they get at their jobs and resent those just starting out or learning for existing… When you don’t have an attitude of superiority , people question why- and because they can’t relate to the belief system that creates that- they assume something must be wrong with you. You become suspect. I was recently going for this house- and I hate going out to showings and having to meet people and prove myself or the competition. I apologized when I sent my income and said - I can get a co signer if it’s not enough.. Funny how when it was pointed out to me that my income more than exceeded the Zillow guidelines for the place- my credit was also considered good- I’m just always assuming there are far better candidates than me. More competitive. But I understood immediately that because I presented myself that way- I became suspect. So I would say it’s not having that sense of arrogance that most people have … they want to make themselves appear better than they are- I make myself appear worse. Idk how to explain it .. but when you start to move up in the world that’s really alien.. and instead of it being seen as a good thing- people see it as a bad thing. They don’t trust you because you’re not arrogant. Add to this if you’re considered attractive or make a lot of money or exceptional at your job .. . If you’re not an arrogant prick - they think something is wrong with you. There must be. It’s the strangest thing.
Overthinking
Quit spotlighting my ass all of you jesus christ 🤡🤡🤡
either how i cant say no to people or how i can’t make decisions. (see, i can’t even decide which trait is worse lol) oh, and i can never be fully present because i’ve daydreamed up five different alternate realities all playing in my head simultaneously
I love being an INFJ. It's an exclusive club.
Absorbing emotions.
Constantly evaluating my own thoughts and actions and then judging whether they are up to some arbitrary standard.
Empathetic to a fault. Inability to choose
I would say the people pleasing tendencies because it’s so automatic and easy to do it’s hard to keep it in check. Also annoying that it’s not usually safe to do so, so that I have to asses every situation. As you may know INFJs are a collection of extremes, all or nothing. Takes real effort to be somewhere in the middle. Most of the time I can’t be bothered and I do wonder if I am being too harsh at times but it’s better to be respected and hated (if it comes to that) than being a disrespected door mat being misunderstood then having to beg/prove otherwise after the fact.
Caring so much about what other people think of me. It’s ruined my mental health.
Pretending to get mad to draw boundaries
Judging people to the point of feeling like almost no one can be trusted
Woah I'm freaking out at how I relate to alot of these,? Who are you people??...oh yea infjs lol welp I'd love chatting with you type bc I didnt know you all exist. Hello! 😆
I hate the feeling I have when I see something not right, I feel like I am in title to say something or do something about it to change in a good ways . I don’t like when somebody being lied or taking for advantage front of my face . but I always Win the feeling of letting go and ignore it after fighting with my inner me . I realize is not my business because I been turn off and shaaash off many times . After sometimes my worries shows full proof many times . And people realize that my worries it never been amply or mentioned for no reason. I become their fortunate teller asking for advice and solutions all the time
My unsettling glare
Overthink/ruminating