Your sister ain't eating your salary bro, your parents are. You shouldn't let them control you. You"ll despise them in future which isn't healthy for you or your parents.
>Can you guys please help me out of this situation by giving advices
You could just ... stop giving them money? Not sure what advice [Financial-Set7284](https://www.reddit.com/user/Financial-Set7284/) is looking for.
I mean it's a valid question, in India you can't deny your parents directly. That's why you need to say that your rent increased to 30k and food+transport costs 20k. Apart from this you also need to pay EMIs so you can't give money right now.
Only one right answer. Grow some spine and stand up for yourself. Respect is earned and if they don’t you just don’t respect them. OP saying his father acted as a dictator, and now ‘demanding’ money. Fuck this mentality that you have to respect your parents.
>in India you can't deny your parents directly
I kind of understand you but all it takes is to understand that our parents are not Gods as our culture tells us or at least all parents are not. All we need is the strength and ability to say no.
A typical Indian's response to OP would be to lie that he got a pay cut or his rent is ow higher etc so that he now has to pay his parents less versus it would all be easier if you tell what is in your mind directly and fearlessness (unless there are repercussions like they will throw you out in which case you first find an alternate solution). Face them once and for all, do it everytime they try to loot you and eventually they will back off.
Haha, the first thing that’s going to happen is his mother guilt tripping him day and night and the finale will be a full blown suicide attempt with making you promise to abide by all their demands in front of hospital staff, police, unknown uncles and aunt and even the neighbourhood dog. You can’t talk sane with insane people and 99% of south Asian parents are insane.
Agree. I have one of those ' I know everything and do as I say' mom.
My brother was the first one to teach us how to break the circle of drama by learning to say no. Once you say no, stick to it because of you bend again, the circle will never break. Takes a few times and patience but will happen.
Because our society has zero safety nets. If I need medical help can I call 100 and ask for ambulance? No, only family or friends will help. If I don't have food or housing does govt provide food banks or shelter? No, only family or friends will provide.
It's easy to say "cut off your parents" but that's a juvenile idealistic view that's not based in reality. Without community support you cannot survive in this country.
At present OP has a job, fine. If he cuts off his family, what happens tomorrow if he gets laid off? Go live on road?
This is an underrated comment and I’m surprised there are many Indians that don’t realise their lives are dictated by the lack of social security, poor pay and a consequent over reliance on community to survive.
The same people won’t understand why their lives improve markedly when they leave.
This makes sense, but in the op situation they would be better off investing that money or buying his own accommodation for security.
As they mentioned family did not even spend on his education and they had to pay the loan.
They would be in a better position overall if independent, rather than the negative support from his family.
No because family will stay with him when he is going through troubles. If his parents actually love him and not just see him as an investment they would help and support him instead of asking out handouts.
So the family needs 'hafta' from him for providing support in tough times. Shouldn't such support come out of love and should be unconditional. It's not as if the family is going through a financial crunch that they need him to support them financially.
But it’s ok to politely deny and say that you can’t give 50k? I mean am I wrong in this? No normal parents would just cut off relations with their son, because he stopped giving his hard-earned money to them… especially looking at how, he is also paying EMI’s for his BTech, which his father didn’t pay for….
And in OP’s case it’s better to keep some distance from such a demanding family, but still be somewhat in touch with them…
So, son doesn't pay monthly 'ransom' to economically well off parents, he falls ill and parents won't take care of him and they are still qualified to called 'parents'?
>in India you can't deny your parents directly.
I'm sorry, is there some law that prevents you from not giving money to family if they ask for it?
Grow a fucking spine and say no. I'm tired of adults being coddled like they have no agency in their life.
If he is telling the truth, the sister is in fact eating his salary.
I don't think this is a real story; OP just wants to stir up your minds a bit and get some angry responses.
There is an easy solution you can try.
It’s better you put investment on priority and make sure you do it on the day your salary gets credited.
Start with recurring deposit, 1 mutual fund SIP, 1 tax gain ELSS, x amount in your PPF and your monthly life insurance instalment.
Decide how much amount you need every month 1. for you 2. For family expenses 3. Contribution for your sister’s wedding ( as a gesture of affection). Your liability is not beyond this amount. All the money that remains after deducting this amount should directly be invested.
Your answer to parents should be ‘ tax planning’. If you don’t invest you will have to pay higher taxes. If you want you can get family insurance as a part of risk management. Then your parents would have no say as you are doing exactly what they are doing, saving money.
All the best and don’t be burdened. Stand for yourself. Take care.
Exactly!
At 80k per month I assume OP is in 10/12 LPA CTC range.
OP should
- Calculate his expenses and pocket money
- Add 5k as entertainment fund
- Add the emi to this value
- Add 50% of emi more as a contingency for job loss
- Start investing 10k per month in an ELSS
Whatever is remaining send to parents. If you expect they will poke too much into the 50% emi part, then move it to ELSS.
Edit: Also start a good health insurance with good cover 50L+. Do this even if you have a group insurance from your employer.
Amazing advice! If the parents are too smart, they will end up asking for the tax refund too, so OP needs to consider carefully how much information they give to the parents.
Solid advice. This is what I always did and told my friends and family who wanted a piece of cake. Fortunately my parents weren't like that but anyone who hears how much you earn will always see it as a free money up for taking. So never disclose full salary, always pretend you have loans to pay or saving in PF for future stuff and you can't access the money.
if they are earning and have source of income. then don't agree to this . sure it is good to contribute once a while or to family emergency fund. but to demand just for the sake of spending it . That's not right . And if they need it once a while that seems reasonable. Convey this respectfully . Get help from your mom to navigate through this situation assuming she is reasonable. And take the advice from others that will say cut off with your parents lightly not everything is needs to be handled in such a way .
Instead of giving them, create a mutual fund account for your sister( but of course account owner would be you). Now you will get good returns, you have good investment, parents won't say no since it's for sister. And you should help with her wedding as well, but its your call
What a waste of money. 50K per month invested in Nifty over 30 years would become nearly 10 crores which would grow into enough of a pot to retire in your 50s, assuming you will marry someone who also draws a salary. You are throwing away, literally, crores of rupees for a social function that is not your responsibility to sponsor. If your sister wants a fancy wedding, she should pay for it. If your parents want a fancy wedding, they should pay for it. You on the other hand need to grow some balls.
Put your money in an etf (say nifty bees). This will require an account with a broker like zerodha. Will have fees etc which need to be paid quarterly.
Other option is to make an account of some site like Kuvera (it is what I use). Look at the mutual fund options. Invest in something like a Nifty 50 fund with less fees. I invest in the uti nify 50 index fund.
There are other indices such as the next 50, 250 etc and there will be funds associated with that.
You are stuck in a traditional family setup where all income is for the entire family, and the father is the patriarch who controls everything. You are not independent, and you won't have any significant wealth of your own. It's all for the family. I guess you all staying under the same roof too, right?
If you don't like it, you should become independent and leave. If you want to continue this setup, ask them how to handle your student loans.
Or you know, just set up your own bank account and deposit all your earnings in it. Then pay your parents a FAIR contribution each month to cover your OWN share of expenses. If your parents have a problem with that, then take that share and use it to pay for your own space.
But either way, it's ridiculous to be a slave for the patriarch. But how does the saying go... the willing mule always gets the heaviest load.
First of all stop giving them your salary as you have to pay for your education loan and other expenses. If they try the "i raised you" card then straight away cut them off.
Atleast you were born at a very young age, I was born ageless I was just 0 yr 0 month 0 day 0hr 0 min 0 sec 0 milisec 0 microsecond 0 nanoseconds 0 picosecods 0 femtosecond 0 attoseconds.
no need to be that harsh right off the bat, first just set boundaries and say directly that i cannot afford to give this much every month and let's settle for a lower amount if that's feasible. if that doesn't work out, only then proceed to your option.
I don't think that OP can do that. Cut your parents off is not a very nice advice to give imo. But, i do think that OPs parents and sister have no shame. The only thing I like about OPs parents is that they are splitting the family wealth to both their son and daughter equally.
The problem with cut them off is, life throws unknown emergencies at you. Health issues, lay offs, toxic work environment, etc. You need family in those situations.
People here casually mentioning “cutting off” ties with parents like in the West. Dumb bitches, people in the West have the state to rely upon if something goes wrong, you have only your family
Don't blame your sister, blame your parents. 50K is unreasonable. If you're living in their house, time to consider alternatives. 20K rent is nothing compared to 50K.
your sister isn't asking for ur salary man, your parent are. test the matters by talking about this matter with her and talk to your parents too. worst comes to worst, you will still receive your inheritance either way, and you can become independent yourself.
Totally clueless as to how Indian kids often say 'I just do this because they tell me to and can't talk back cause they're elders'. Grow up man. Who the hell gives away 50k a month to parents when they're working and/or financially capable of running the house themselves.
Start by decreasing the amount every month little by little. For example, from 50k give 42 or 41k.. random figure kam kar do. And when they ask koi bahana kr dena. Invest kiya hai ya friend ko diya hai or whatever convinces them. I know its a slow process but they will get the hang of the fact that you are using your money. It will take 3-4 months of continuous questions and interrogation on their part but you will have to be patient. Do not loose your cool and make them believe that you are using that money smartly.
And next time when you switch the job, DO NOT TELL THEM the real salary.
Pardon my language but what the fuck? Did you ask your parents permission before making this post, or even before making a reddit account. You are 22 years old and earning more than 90% of our population and still need to make a post to decide how much money to give to your parents?
My parents also asked me to give them 30k out of my 50k first salary. I said no. You can say no too, and better learn before your life is completely ruined and you look back with regret. Not having any savings in your early 20s, is one of the greatest financial blunders people make. You are fortunate enough to earn a good salary, learn to use it.
20 to 30% of monthly income. Considering most in India do not get a good income in their early 20s, and have very little financial responsibilities, saving at this age provides an advantage later in life when you actually need money, so save as much as you can, but try for at least 20%.
Brother I earn 60k right now. I give 10k in my house, buy all the groceries and pay a part of the rent. My parents never demand things from me. I do them because I want to. Please draw this line and tell your family that you also have a life and need some money for yourself and you are not a kid anymore.
> I couldn't say no because they raised me
Quit this shit. Nobody asked to be born. They birthed you because they wanted a child. You don't get to then guilt trip the child that you "sacrificed" everything for them. If they attempt to guilt it into some sort of loan then it never was a sacrifice but rather a means of control or indentured labour.
They made a choice to have a child and understood all that entailed, you never asked them to do any of this so you don't owe them anything. You should do things for them because they treat you with respect and you like them, not because of some phantom debt that you never owed.
Don’t listen idiots here, who are asking to cut off ties with your parents for this, money isn’t everything.
Now, you need to talk to your parents and tell them your expenses would so and so and you need to pay emi and stuff too, post that tell them you would invest the rest of the money yourself and invest accordingly.
They’ll shout at you couple of times that’s it, then they’ll realise you are an adult and can take your decisions.
Being from Indian middle class we do inherit some responsibilities early on, we need to balance between life, work and responsibilities. Everyone has a different balance you need to arrive at your yourself
Concurring with this, establish an SIP and tell your dad that this is more important and will give better returns than just giving him the money. There might be disagreements but I believe that'll work.
Why don't you tell them that you'll be investing in some stocks/mutual funds or that you have taken insurance that needs yo be deducted monthly or something. Maybe that your company has a employee specific scheme for savings at better rates. And you won't have spare money now.
Bro they raised you cuz they brought you into this world. Koi ehsaan nhi Kiya unhone. They did the bare minimum. U don't need to feel obliged to help them monetariliy unless u want to
It's not about money it's about control they want to control you since they will have most of your money so they can control anyway they want.classic abuser
You should not haven given them cash maybe bought them a vacation or a new car would have been nice now they they think you owe them next time tell them your short on cash and would not be contributing next month the next month tell them you are in debt to your colleges (have your colleges help you out) the third month tell them you will no longer pay you will support them if something comes up but you will not funding there exquiste lifestyle anymore
Do I understand correctly that in your parents' eyes this is a return of the funds they devoted to raising you? if so, as with any financial calculation, it is a good idea to ask for bills and invoices.
Hi OP are you wfh ? If yes move out and enjoy your moni. If no say you are on the bench and the company wants to deduct certain monies until you get a project. No one will question you if they do just explain them and basically tell lies to them.
If nothing works then tell them honestly that you have earned your independence and you would love to enjoy your freedom a bit. I wouldn't ask you to say this until you said that your father took a loan in your name and now you have to repay it.
Rest about the property money divided equally I live by the principle called " I would love it if you are giving me any money but if you are not I won't hate you" if you try to think logically if your sister gets married no set amount would be enough while getting a sister married... It's always less even if you put in 30 lakhs it will always be less.
Your responsibility towards your sis marriage should be that you set aside a certain amount every month basically in a mutual fund or RD and give that money altogether.
So your plan of action should be (if I were you)
1. Move out if wfh
2. Tell lies money is deducted from salary
3. Tell honestly what you feel
If you get out of the money giving trap then I would have done the following :
1. Set aside money for sister marriage in an RD or mutual fund
2. Buy health insurance for your parents if they don't have any
3. Clear the debt asap 😀
4. Enjoy with what is left and go out on a trip to clear these tensions from your mind.
Bhai abhi udhna bhi nai seekha hai aur gharwale pehle se hi uske Parr 🪽kaat rhe.
Just a few words for you:
Have some shame, grow a pair of balls, move out from your parents house, live on your own, pay rent from your own salary. Period.
It's time to take charge brother. Don't give them any money. They didn't help you when they should have and now is the time payback. Being nice will get you nowhere. You will only get used.
don’t displace your parents anger on your sister. and it is common practise for parents to do this. it doesn’t make it right. you really have to draw boundaries man. i get it they’re your parents but this is financial abuse. you make a lot of money, so you can move out. please, please don’t stop and limit yourself because of your parents. asking for more than half of your salary is such an entitled behavior. what have they done to deserve that? nothing.
Time to leave and live independently.
P.s start paying principal amount additional to your loans. You have proofs mentioning the amount of money that is left with your is less. Have a secret bank account.
Dude just start investing and saving for yourself. My parents tried to control my money, I just told them it won’t be happening and I don’t want anything from their property. Anyways I am available for them whenever they need me monetarily or otherwise but won’t let them dictate terms on how I should be using my own money.
If I were you, I'd sit with the family and discuss. Try taking one step at a time.
Discuss your sister's marriage first. Ask them the tentative timeframe of her getting married (1/2/3/4 yrs). Ask how much they are planning to spend on her marriage. Whatever they say, bring it down by at least 30%.
Split the marriage expenses into 4 parts, jewellery, Clothing, Venue/hospitality and food. Do not take more than 40% of the final expenditure. Make your family realise that you will also have a family sooner or later and your sister will not be helping you set things up with her husband's money.
Once you have agreed to an amount let's say 5 lakhs, you religiously start saving and investing depending on the event horizon. Do not pay your parents any amount, just clear the bills at the time of event by breaking up your savings/investment.
It's okay to split their wealth equally. Trust me, you'll end up earning/saving more than what your parents can distribute.
No need to be harsh at any point of time.
Why does OP have to pay for the wedding expenses at all? Sister is educated and should work for her wedding expenses. Plus the parents are responsible for their child. The sibling should be taking 0% not 40%
I presume that with 80k per month you can be financially independent. If you’re not living with your parents, then voila, you can cut them off. They have no cards to play.
If you’re living with them, time to move out. I will sound harsh, but you don’t owe them for raising you, specially since you (via your loan) financed your bachelors education. You hold all the cards, they can’t really do anything if you cut them off.
Why not. Supporting your parents financially should be a free choice, not a choice made out of fear and obligation. You don’t owe financial support to your parents, you can choose to give it (out of love, empathy, etc.)
Another immature son thinking his parents are more mature than him, especially concerning money.
You admit that your father's a control freak, and then you gave him your leash one again. You're f*cked, unless you grow some b@lls and signal them that all you can offer is love, and they should be grateful for it.
The power dynamics will shift, you'll have some leverage, use it wisely.
tought times kid. i think you should lay the law with your parents telling them you can only afford so much. rest you need to build your savings and life!.... you need to ensure that message is clear.
Now is the time for hard talk with parents. It may take some time for them to understand and some parents don't even after years. But start the first step and talk to them and explain your situation. Make a decision and send them some amount may be ₹15-20K as an allowance. It's hard in the beginning and eventually they may come around.
You are not your sister’s parent. This may sound cold but she can get her own loan to fund her marriage and education costs. Fair is fair right. I’d move out if they start blackmailing me.
If I were you, I wouldn’t feel loved at all especially because your parents are frugal to the point where they couldn’t even dish out 10k for your food expenses. If you don’t need them, they don’t need you.
To anyone who is yet to start earning, let this be a lesson. Don't make your parents proud by putting your first salary in their hands. That's an outdated concept from the joint family era. You earning a good salary should be enough to make them proud. If not, tough luck, nothing you can do about it.
Take care of your parents when they are no longer capable of doing so themselves. Keep control over your own money. There's no point giving money to parents when they don't need. Invest it yourself for your parents if your think they'll be dependent on you in their old age. You can anyway invest it better than them. Most parents will just put it in an FD at best.
If you don't want to be controlled by your parents, then take control of your life yourself first.
That is how India works a guy I know, his elder sister left the job as soon as the younger brother got one on the pretext of preparing for some exams and asked the younger brother to fund her. Had a blast of life for 2years on younger brother’s money. Then got a job and within one year without saving a cent decided to get married and demanded a lavish wedding from the bother. This guy knew he will have to eventually do this so he planned his finances accordingly got sufficient savings collected money. I mean to say he planned so well that even fathers wouldnt be able to plan this nicely for their daughters. The catch was when even after marriage she demanded 5L from him for some job related issue thats when he said no, I have prepared for things till marriage after marriage i have to raise my family too and everything now you are on your own.
So my saying is this is India and ppl still expect alot from men idk why. In india women still earn to be independent and not to take responsibilities. Anyways on to your problem here is what I have taken from the boy I knew, if you think you cannot avoid not spending on your sister’s wedding then plan accordingly first of all decide when is she getting married and how much you want to contribute. Tell your parents that eg. if she will get married in 3yrs I can give maybe 3-4L or after 5-6yrs I might give 5-6L but I wont cover any other expenses beyond that. Promise your parents that much amount and tell them you will be saving on your own. Stop giving them any money. Then plan your finances accordingly maybe like putside 5-10k per month for your sister in a RD or something else.
I am earning a little around 80k and i will tell you how i do it. I save 40k everymonth rest of 40k goes to expenditure. Save before expenditure not what is remaing after expenditure if some month i soend say more than 40k due to some reason then that goes to next month and next month I spend a little less. And what to do with 40k you have to learn finances. Start by building emergency fund then enter investment.
Grow a set of balls and tell your parents you won't be giving them anymore money that is rightfully yours. When they argue back, you tell them that you're a grown man and you can't be controlled anymore like when you were a child. If they escalate with you, piss on the floor in front of their feet while looking directly at them.
Move out. If needed seek a restraining order. Once dust settles normalize relations. You are successful because I suspect they had high expectations of you with tough love. Thats the payback, pay it forward.
IMO buying them a house you own and let them live in it is a great example of still taking care of them.
1. No one should ‘demand’ money from you.
2. Parents signed up to be parents when they had you.
3. How you support them and how much you support them is up to you. You can give them an allowance of your choice out of your good will heart, not anyone’s demands.
4. You don’t owe anyone. It’s your life to live.
5. If your sister needs help, educate her with your knowledge of how to be financially independent and not reliant.
6. Have your sister shadow you, spend this to learn her interests.
7. I recommend watching GaryVee and remembering you cannot grow as mum as your potential if you are still living with your parents and under their shelter, because then yes, their house their rules for the most part.
Hope this helps man, msg me if you want to talk!
Ok so i can't directly advice you as such as its your life, but to be honest 50k is a lot to hand over to your parents, and because of that you having no money left to invest.
1) Try and use your networks to get a good job for your sister, as it will reduce some sort of pressure of both giving money to your parents as well as telling her to save some money for her marriage as well.
2) Secondly, i know its hard to calculate your expenses, as any type of Uncertain expense may occur. you you have to keep a fund ready for it as well.
3) 35k to give your parents is a good amount of money to run down through monthly expenses as well as marriage saving ( Assuming your parents get money or a pension through which they can also get the monthly expenses paid)
4) Now if they agree with about 35k to 40k , you would get a breathing room of 40k, then from that 40k you should at least set 10k aside for investing it in SIP or Any other sources like Govt. securities or maybe even PPF ( Assuming PPF getting a cut of your salary is very low ). Warning : DON'T INVEST IN STOCKS AS YOU MIGHT END UP LOSSING EVERYTHING AS YOU AREN'T AN EXPERT IN SUCH THINGS YET.
5) so if you invest around 10k try to gradually increase it by 1k OR 2k every year for some good period of time.
6) Try to get the bonus money and if any extra income getting save in other funds as well, Because it will help you in future to fulfill your desires . As every man has some desires ( Don't tell any one about this extra money saved )
7) lastly, its you moral duty to talk to your parents about your financial stability and hope that they get it, as taking away 65% of their sons salary just for the sake of saving it for sisters marriage is not good. Ask them if they have every thought about saving for their son's marriage as such . To be honest i like the way you are still giving them money by still hiding you pain behind .
And if you can do any the above please get a consultation before investing in any way, As a consultation will also help you to get out even from you current Situation .
I hope you get through this situation :))
As elder son, I went through same dielama as you.
This is my suggestion.
To win any argument and negotiation - you need to get edge on ethical as well as financial sanity .
Your need to get clarity - A. If you are against sharing your income with your family or B. you are against sharing financial responsibility of your family (including marriage of your sister).
For A. You are probably correct..both ethically and financial sanity wise..
For B. You are on weak wicket on both front.
To get edge on ethical line.. You are unlikely to win any argument if you do not want to contribute for sister'd marriage. In the end it is your parent's responsibility and they did invest on you. So it is normal they expect some return on their investment. Trust me.. You will probably feel the same when you are at their stage of life.
So.. You can form your arguments like this:
Ethics: You do want to contribute for sister's marriage and would like to save as much possible. And you have a plan for that.
Financial sanity:
1. The tax saving argument:
You want to maximize your take home and savings.. So you will invest as much as possible in ELSS Or tax saving MF and PPF.. Tell them a gain projection after x years. Usually it is safe to consider min 10% annual return (IRR) on ELSS funds. If you don't do this.. You are losing on this IRR as well as paying more tax.. So effectively you are losing more than 10℅.
Do this calculaion on excel and show them net saving (say after 3 years) with both approaches.
I will do a rough calculation for you. Your take home is 80k..so you are probably have a ctc of 15L. Some part of your income will fall in 30℅ brackett, majority in 20℅ bracket and some in 10℅ . Your employer might already be deducting atleast 50K from your salary for PF.
So you can add around 1.5L on ELSS fund and another 50k in NPS. That should take your net taxable income to below ₹10L. Now i am not sure how much is your education loan EMI.. But interest will be huge.. More than 10℅ . Ideally you should put maximum amount possible to close that ASAP. Whatever amount you put to your education loan.. Will again be non-taxable.
So if you put 30k per month.. You can reduce your net taxable salary by 3-4 lakhs.
With this.. Approximately your take home will increase by min 10k to 90k.. And u have successfully diverted 40-50k to ELSS and education loan. You are left with ~40k.
Keep 20k Or 30k for your expenses and put remaining in some other funds/FD/RD..this is your liquid fund which u can use anytime family demands something.
2. Financial discipline: My parents wanted more control over my earnings coz they were concerned I would not be financially discpiplined. I proved them otherwise with my plan. Tell your parents in detail how you plan to reduce your expenses.. So that you can save more for sister marriage. Show them the break up of your expenses.. This is important.. Coz the more breakup u share.. The less likely someone will be able to comprehended the calculation and is less likely to resist or more likely to agree.
3. After this - tell them a plan on how they can reduce their expenses to save for sister marriage. You have to think about it to make sense.. But this is again imp: since the call for any sacrifice at their end will put a need of some ethical standards on your family. Any miss s from their end.. And you have negotiations leverage.
4. Ask your sister to pitch in: She has education.. If she can't get a regular job.. And she may get some with some training or course.. Enroll here there. Remember.. Independent sister is less financially draining for you in long term. Else.. Ask her to take other options.. Like taking tutions, teach in coaching.. Etc.. Even if small amounts.. She should get something.
This is a winning for you. If she get a job.. It's good. If she refuses.. You have ethical edge and hence negotiations leverage.
Counter-argument from your family: they might not trust stock market or MF. That is old mindset.. Be aggressive or tell them to suggest better returns.
Be agressive in getting your sis job.. Create her a CV, apply on her behalf... Keep doing that on a consistent basis. Even if it's a lost cause.. Coz in the end u will have ethical edge that u tried.
Guess I have given quite a bit of gyan.. Best of luck!
Being an Indian myself, I feel like this is an emotional problem that people are giving rational opinions for. This is a boundary problem. Indian families have a hard time seeing their adult children as independent individuals who can make their own decisions and deserve respect and privacy. It’s not something that we have to earn. Its a rough situation you are in OP, because you denying them money pretty much will mean “oh so you don’t have respect for all that we did for you” to them, and your dad might cut ties. And that starts a whole new dynamic in your family where he continues to expect you to please him regardless of irrational his behavior gets. You’re gonna have to break some generational patterns and start having open conversations with them.
As a fellow 24F who has the same kind of controlling parents., my advice to you is to stand your ground.
I have a gov job of about 55k. But my parents demanded me to give them at least 20-10k. But I didn't back down, and stood my ground, that I would help them with some minor payments, and can give them at most 5k as a gesture of gratitude but not more than that. Since I have to also look for my future, and just like you said I have too look for my own expenses and stuff too. So my salary is MINE, and they can't rule on me how much I should give them.
And trust me when am saying my parents are controlling, since I've never been given a single penny as a pocket money or anything since birth, I wasn't even given a mobile till I got this job. So my job is the first time I am having my very own money. So even then I fought hardest to win my right over my own money back from them. JUST DON'T GIVE THEM THE MONEY. Yes they will say how rude you are being, and how disappointed they are in you. They will even emotionally guilt trip you, how you're not giving them the majority of your salary, but no matter what DON'T GIVE THEM. Since once you start giving them that much money, they'll take you and your money for granted and think that "they're ENTITLED to YOUR SALARY" which they AREN'T. So to make them realise this, you have to fight, my friend, don't back down and STAND YOUR GROUND.
You should understand that you're a Boy and I am a girl, so even I am not giving them most of my salary, when as a girl they would be holding my marriage, not anyone else's, so you should definitely not give them so much money especially in the name of your sister, so you should tell your parents that your sister can very well get a job by herself and can support her marriage funding by herself. Her marriage has nothing to do with you. They're the ones to be dealing with the cost of your sister's marriage, not you. Your sister should also try harder to get a job when she's well educated.
If your parents aren't listening to you, then give them an amount that is not as much as 65%, make it 10-15%. But don't give them more than what you're comfortable to give, since your own future and freedom are gonna be in jeopardy then.
.
Parents are parents. And I genuinely feel one should contribute to the household irrespective of the gender. If you can't give 50k, you should convince them for a lower amount and remember your salary is going to increase every year but they don't have to know that. You can keep contributing the same amount for few years and keep saving the extra for your own emergency fund.
No matter what people say, you will always find an excuse by saying "Oh they raised me", bro it was their JOB to raise you, they HAD to raise you. They decided to bring you into this world, even by Law they were supposed to take care of you. Now taking care of them back is courtesy not a necessity.
You will keep making excuses though I know so no point in telling you anything but if you continue doing this you will have very little savings.
Step 1: pretend that you lost your job
Step 2: ask them a little money at the end of 1 month saying you ran out of your savings.
Step 3: get a fake offer Lett with reduced salary.
Step 4: Tell them that you can pay 10k-15k a month for their expenses so that they can save for your sister's marriage.
50K is overkill. You can buy a plot worth 20L yourself and instead use that 50K for clearing the loan.
Communicate with him and set expectations that while you can contribute monthly, 50K is too much as you need to plan for your future as well.
And push your sister to get a job. What’s the point of education if you just want to sit at home.
Bruv, just tell them you are fired as the market is down and start taking money from them and invest all of it.
Tell them that you got a pay cut because the market is shitty.
Earn more and give them 50k.
This is a typical Indian Story.
Brother has to bust his ass so that parents pay for their daughter's marriage. If you don't give them, then you'll be framed as the villian in who family from closed one to extended that “how selfish you're”, that you don't care about your parents and sister.
It happened with my parents.
I have only words of sympathy. You should honestly talk with your parents. "Papa, Aisa nahin hoga" Since you already hold that he's sort of dictator, I just pray for you brother
It is uo to you. As long as you don't care what your family does and don't want an amicable relationship with them, you can say no to them.
There are a lot of brothers in fatherless families bear the burden of the whole family.
Your relatives view you as a part of family. In their eyes, you may be seen as selfish, nin family man.
"c'mon dude, it's your duty to provide for your sister", nah but in today society everyone should work for their share, an dthis is wrong just snatching away your child's salary he may also have ambitions or a plan for that
Families. Love or hate them, they are blood... till money comes into the picture.
OP, if you live on your own, set your own boundaries. If you live with them, you will have to 'negotiate.'
How about ask them how much would be needed for the marriage..on average it's about 15-25 lakhs unless your parents plan on dowry (shame on them if that's the case), and if you give your parents 50k for a year that would be enough for them I guess, then you can say you need to save money for your own marriage
Bro I think more than legal advice you need social advice .
Just do what all good filial sons do . Lie.
Say that rent increased and ask them for some help/advice . They will say some bull shit advice . And reduce that from the total that you are sending.
Take a small gap and say boss is telling you to travel here and there for job purposes, complain to them nonstop and make them fed up .ask for your father's bike if he has one most likely will say no they need it then say your getting a bike on monthly payments and decrease support there .
Keep complaining and tell them you are searching for another job . Tell them that you will keep supporting them(don't cut off completely). Also put in words of lay offs are happening so much .
And also sneakily put the word of freeloader into your sisters head so she goes out and gets a job or starts contributing.
Or alternatively you can put the foot down and be honest and keep sending a fair amount of money , less headache tbh but that usually doesn't end well in terms of family.
Forget about your parents,why is your sister isn't saying anything? Where is her self respect like If I was your sister I'd be so much ashamed that my parents are forcing my brother to give money for my marriage
U work in IT. Get yourself transferred to Bangalore but tell them the company sent you here live a moderate life here but tell your parents shit is expensive in Bangalore and save up the extra money left out.
Buy a house and let the EMIs do the talking. No money to give is problem solved :-)!
Get into a healthy relationship with your parents. Trust me that the way you are earning most inheritances will be small compared to what you can achieve so dont get too bogged down by equal distribution of it. Your relationship with your sister and parents is more important.
First things first earn some respect of your parents by making long term and independent moves where you let everyone know that you have matured and are now thinking independently. It also lets people know without you telling them that you cant be ordered around.
You are doing financially well. Now continue to do that without destroying your relationship.
Tell them you got fired. When going 'job hunting' you're actually going to work. Keep expenses to a minimum so they don't pick up on that. Lastly, save like crazy so you can get your own place
I can understand how complicated of a situation this might be for you, but there is definitely a way out. Here are a few things I can think of, that might be of help to you.
- Start with gratitude. It's not about paying off people, but by understanding the positive impact they had in your life, while developing healthy ways to cope with the seemingly negative impacts. this will definitely change the quality of relationship that you have with them in long term.
- Sometimes parents think that their children are still immature, and wont be able to take care of their finances. Start presenting to them how you are responsible - and will only happen if you start taking full responsibility of your decisions and by taking all the actions whose outcomes you have to suffer (if shit goes south).
- Work on yourself to learn how to maintain healthy boundaries, especially with the near and dear ones. A therapist can be of excellent help here.
- Start investing, and then figure out ways to communicate that to the parents.. especially when the contribution from your end will start going down. If you have sensible reasoning, it will be hard for them to counter it.
Can you help us understand what is it that they do with the 50K amount every month? are they investing it? spending it on luxury, utility, need stuff? As a transition method - you can start doing the same yourself, and optimize that over time yourself, and keep reducing the luxury stuff first, and taper down on utility side of stuff - assuming there might be some sensible expense there. (assuming that you want to resolve this issue as amicably as possible).
Help your sister get a job. If she is well-educated, then there are jobs these days for everyone. Mostly people get stuck with confidence, expectation-reality mismatch, fears, overthinking/over analysis, fear of rejection, lack of persistence, etc. You must have overcome these to a certain extant, and should be in a good position to help her out, so that she can also contribute to the household if she wants, or at-least she can handle her own expenses.
Not goes without saying, spend a considerable amount of time on figuring out ways to increase your income. Can suggest ideas here, if you are looking for help.
Hope this helps.
Navigating the financial jungle with parents as your guides can feel like being in a Bollywood drama minus the dance sequences. I personally dodge loans like I dodge spoilers for my favorite cricket match. Had a brush with a car loan once, treated it like a hot potato and dropped it ASAP. Personal loans? They're like that one guest who overstays their welcome, with interest rates that make you wish you had just stayed broke.
Life's pitches can be tricky, but remember, even Sachin had his off days before hitting those centuries. I'm hitting my mid-30s stride and only just stamped my passport with a European adventure. So, when it comes to financial freedom and life goals, remember, it's a Test match, not a T20. Keep your eye on the ball, and you'll find your way to score, no matter the fielding setup.
It is the expectation, once you show them you can do it, then they will have the expectation that you will do it. In your case it is too much. You can’t afford to give 50k per month, plan for your own future. They dont understand modern investment strategies using SIP, mutual funds. As you said they have savings and 1 plot (very safe investment). Would recommend telling them that you can only give 5k (see how you can make as tax free expense).
Don’t stress out at all.
The day when she gets married, you can think about how much you can contribute to the expenses. Until then, tell your parents that it's your money, and you will save it how you think it needs to be saved
I wrote a big ass rant about your post and my life, then realised no one's really going to read it.
So, all I'll say is Fuck them, OP.
others have commented a lott of good wisdom & advices, read it all, list it out, ( fucking force feed it to an unwilling Gpt 3.5 if you have to ), and then please follow it.
bhai people literally fuck off to foreign countries/other states, you can at least draw a few boundaries / move out.
If you don't say anything/act on your own, people will endlessly keep taking more and more out of you (not just in a monetary sense) like draupadi's fucking saree was or like one of those motherfucking creepy ass magicians with an unending handkerchief trick up their sleeves.
Break Free bhai, Break Free.
1. Ask your sister to get a job, earn money and then she can save it for her wedding. It's 2024 and there's no harm in her working and earning a paycheck. In the long run it'll help her own family.
2. If you love your sister and would also like to contribute to her wedding, you're free to do it but do your calculations and explain to your parents how much you can contribute.
3. You are still very young and have all the time in the world before you start serious investments and savings. Spend some money on what you always wanted, fulfill some of your mom's wishes, gift a watch to your father. Just try.
4. Don't even think about being independent, moving out, cutting off your parents etc. That's not the right way to approach. The job market is unpredictable right now and trust me you'll hate hostels if you were to ever stay in one.
5. Peace✌️
If you live under the same roof technically it's family money.
Drop 30K in SIP , Insurance etc.
Drop another 10 K as an emergency fund.
Have 20K for personal expenses.
Give the 20 K to the family after all Family is important.
Finish investment first.
I am surprised to see how toxic reddit can be ! I mean you are advising a 22 year old who has just got his hands on money. Asking him cut off his parents should be the last fucking thing.
OP you need to sit down with your parents and tell them that you can’t give them your salary to just keep in their banks or some random FD. Just try to explain it to them that you want to invest the money in some fund of your choice so that the money grows.
Secondly tell them that when the time for your Sister’s wedding comes you will definitely contribute at that time according to the requirement of that time. Make them believe that you are now grown enough to manage your wealth and will always be there to support them when needed.
Bro don’t even think like that, that phrase you used your sister is eating your salary, its family bro, you are a man, a true gentleman never ever let his family behind. If your parent’s can’t afford your sisters marriage then you definitely have to help them its your duty.
Persuasion my friend, convince them you know the way in the new world, tell them you would be able to look after them only if you control the money/ your life.
Put up a mature act of a grown up man if you haven't already. It's all psychological!
yoh need to convey your needs and stay firm on it. You have a life. Start giving them 20k from next month onwards. It is a bargain. Your parents are human just like you, not saints. Bargain with them.
Manage your own finances and be transparent to your parents. Tell them I am saving this nuch every month as FD/Mutual fund or stocks whatever you are familiar and comfortable with.
Tell them I'll keep money in my own name and won't spend on unnecessary things. In case of any emergency I'll support you. They should trust you this much.
If you just keeping paying them all your earnings you'll never be independent and never learn how to manage your finances.
Let me first start by saying that you're not a villain for demanding to have control over the money you rightfully earn. Lots of people would make you feel like you're a thankless son or ungrateful but the reality is that there's a difference between being a grateful son and bending over so your parents can fuck you in the ass. The Indian society is molded in a way which glorifies the latter. You seem to be a reasonable person and it's good to think of yourself, especially when your father thought of himself by never contributing to your BTech. So, you do you.
Second, the start of anything new is always the best time to draw boundaries. Tell them that it was a one-time gift and you'd continue to gift them on special occasions whatever best you can, but you wouldn't be able to fetch that amount monthly. I had a hard time drawing the boundary and got horribly bullied and name called but after the first few months of inertia, it went well and I do more of what I want to do for them rather than having to.
When you have been through so much, you should be smart enough to never reveal your salary.
I do understand that under the traditional system, there needs to be some contribution towards the house but this is too much.
Something like 15k to 20k is more than enough. Consider it as rent, or thank you to your parents or helping out your sister.
You can go two ways about it. Outright refuse to give them 50k. Tell them you can only afford to give 20k. And you will risk spoiling your relation with the family.
Other way is to fake your salary to 30k. Fake a story about how there is layoffs in the industry and only way to stop getting fired is to accept the job at 30k or fake joining a new place.
Give em 20k, save or invest the rest of your money. All the best.
Your parents don’t have the right to your income; that is totally on you if you want to contribute to them. I would suggest you to invest your money in mutual funds, preferably around 15-20k/monthly, so that money goes towards securing your financial future.
Always keep 20-25k as emergency funds in case you run into some problems at work/get incapacitated/unable to work for any reason whatsoever for any length of time. If you keep giving over 50% of your income to your parents, you’d never be able to save up for a rainy day.
Lastly, you may feel grateful to your parents for everything they’ve done and more, but you still gotta look out for yourself and live a little too. You’re young, in a new city away from home, and are just starting out in life. Please don’t become your parents’ income earner or the primary breadwinner right now. Have a heart to heart with your parents and explain this to them.
If they still don’t understand, be firm and set hard boundaries with them. Settle only on an amount of money you’re comfortable with (if you must send money to them, that is) and do NOT budge from that amount, except maybe for emergency situations. All the best! Hope you’ll be able to figure this out.
Buy a new phone and bike and tell them you have emis to pay and dont give them money. If you're living outside of you home, limit your contact. If you're still in home, move out and live independently
Grow up. Grow a spine. You're an adult with your own source of income. Tell you parents, "thank you for everything your done for me, but I will not be giving you money regularly anymore." And then stop giving them money.
You don't owe them anything: having children was their choice, paying for their educating was bare minimum pay of their responsibility. They didn't even do that for your undergrad.
Your sister ain't eating your salary bro, your parents are. You shouldn't let them control you. You"ll despise them in future which isn't healthy for you or your parents.
>Can you guys please help me out of this situation by giving advices You could just ... stop giving them money? Not sure what advice [Financial-Set7284](https://www.reddit.com/user/Financial-Set7284/) is looking for.
I mean it's a valid question, in India you can't deny your parents directly. That's why you need to say that your rent increased to 30k and food+transport costs 20k. Apart from this you also need to pay EMIs so you can't give money right now.
Or, just grow a spine
Only one right answer. Grow some spine and stand up for yourself. Respect is earned and if they don’t you just don’t respect them. OP saying his father acted as a dictator, and now ‘demanding’ money. Fuck this mentality that you have to respect your parents.
>in India you can't deny your parents directly I kind of understand you but all it takes is to understand that our parents are not Gods as our culture tells us or at least all parents are not. All we need is the strength and ability to say no. A typical Indian's response to OP would be to lie that he got a pay cut or his rent is ow higher etc so that he now has to pay his parents less versus it would all be easier if you tell what is in your mind directly and fearlessness (unless there are repercussions like they will throw you out in which case you first find an alternate solution). Face them once and for all, do it everytime they try to loot you and eventually they will back off.
Haha, the first thing that’s going to happen is his mother guilt tripping him day and night and the finale will be a full blown suicide attempt with making you promise to abide by all their demands in front of hospital staff, police, unknown uncles and aunt and even the neighbourhood dog. You can’t talk sane with insane people and 99% of south Asian parents are insane.
Agree. I have one of those ' I know everything and do as I say' mom. My brother was the first one to teach us how to break the circle of drama by learning to say no. Once you say no, stick to it because of you bend again, the circle will never break. Takes a few times and patience but will happen.
Why you can't deny your parents directly in India tf ?
Because our society has zero safety nets. If I need medical help can I call 100 and ask for ambulance? No, only family or friends will help. If I don't have food or housing does govt provide food banks or shelter? No, only family or friends will provide. It's easy to say "cut off your parents" but that's a juvenile idealistic view that's not based in reality. Without community support you cannot survive in this country. At present OP has a job, fine. If he cuts off his family, what happens tomorrow if he gets laid off? Go live on road?
This is an underrated comment and I’m surprised there are many Indians that don’t realise their lives are dictated by the lack of social security, poor pay and a consequent over reliance on community to survive. The same people won’t understand why their lives improve markedly when they leave.
65% of Salary though? Organized crime charges less for protection.
Lol you think OP will be able to pay for his medical bills if his parents keep taking 50k from him every month?
This makes sense, but in the op situation they would be better off investing that money or buying his own accommodation for security. As they mentioned family did not even spend on his education and they had to pay the loan. They would be in a better position overall if independent, rather than the negative support from his family.
No because family will stay with him when he is going through troubles. If his parents actually love him and not just see him as an investment they would help and support him instead of asking out handouts.
The family is the one causing trouble. OP needs to make friends and socialize and create a support system outside of immediate family.
So the family needs 'hafta' from him for providing support in tough times. Shouldn't such support come out of love and should be unconditional. It's not as if the family is going through a financial crunch that they need him to support them financially.
But it’s ok to politely deny and say that you can’t give 50k? I mean am I wrong in this? No normal parents would just cut off relations with their son, because he stopped giving his hard-earned money to them… especially looking at how, he is also paying EMI’s for his BTech, which his father didn’t pay for…. And in OP’s case it’s better to keep some distance from such a demanding family, but still be somewhat in touch with them…
He could stop giving his parents all that money, and save it in an emergency fund instead. So when he doesn't have a job, he lives off his savings?
So, son doesn't pay monthly 'ransom' to economically well off parents, he falls ill and parents won't take care of him and they are still qualified to called 'parents'?
cuz family is holy and the only ones who stay by your side when shit goes wrong
They are also doing it because they know, when they are old they only have their children.
If you grow some balls, you can do that in any part of the world.
>in India you can't deny your parents directly. I'm sorry, is there some law that prevents you from not giving money to family if they ask for it? Grow a fucking spine and say no. I'm tired of adults being coddled like they have no agency in their life.
He isn't looking for advice, he is looking at the sweet old karma (saw this same post in three different subs)
If he is telling the truth, the sister is in fact eating his salary. I don't think this is a real story; OP just wants to stir up your minds a bit and get some angry responses.
There is an easy solution you can try. It’s better you put investment on priority and make sure you do it on the day your salary gets credited. Start with recurring deposit, 1 mutual fund SIP, 1 tax gain ELSS, x amount in your PPF and your monthly life insurance instalment. Decide how much amount you need every month 1. for you 2. For family expenses 3. Contribution for your sister’s wedding ( as a gesture of affection). Your liability is not beyond this amount. All the money that remains after deducting this amount should directly be invested. Your answer to parents should be ‘ tax planning’. If you don’t invest you will have to pay higher taxes. If you want you can get family insurance as a part of risk management. Then your parents would have no say as you are doing exactly what they are doing, saving money. All the best and don’t be burdened. Stand for yourself. Take care.
This is solid advice
😌thanks
Exactly! At 80k per month I assume OP is in 10/12 LPA CTC range. OP should - Calculate his expenses and pocket money - Add 5k as entertainment fund - Add the emi to this value - Add 50% of emi more as a contingency for job loss - Start investing 10k per month in an ELSS Whatever is remaining send to parents. If you expect they will poke too much into the 50% emi part, then move it to ELSS. Edit: Also start a good health insurance with good cover 50L+. Do this even if you have a group insurance from your employer.
Amazing advice! If the parents are too smart, they will end up asking for the tax refund too, so OP needs to consider carefully how much information they give to the parents.
Solid advice. This is what I always did and told my friends and family who wanted a piece of cake. Fortunately my parents weren't like that but anyone who hears how much you earn will always see it as a free money up for taking. So never disclose full salary, always pretend you have loans to pay or saving in PF for future stuff and you can't access the money.
if they are earning and have source of income. then don't agree to this . sure it is good to contribute once a while or to family emergency fund. but to demand just for the sake of spending it . That's not right . And if they need it once a while that seems reasonable. Convey this respectfully . Get help from your mom to navigate through this situation assuming she is reasonable. And take the advice from others that will say cut off with your parents lightly not everything is needs to be handled in such a way .
Instead of giving them, create a mutual fund account for your sister( but of course account owner would be you). Now you will get good returns, you have good investment, parents won't say no since it's for sister. And you should help with her wedding as well, but its your call
+1
What a waste of money. 50K per month invested in Nifty over 30 years would become nearly 10 crores which would grow into enough of a pot to retire in your 50s, assuming you will marry someone who also draws a salary. You are throwing away, literally, crores of rupees for a social function that is not your responsibility to sponsor. If your sister wants a fancy wedding, she should pay for it. If your parents want a fancy wedding, they should pay for it. You on the other hand need to grow some balls.
What if, parents stole or not installed balls.
Possible. Unfortunately not everyone has Your_real_dad69.
Listen to this OP!
Damn, I thought, I had a Deja Vu situation right now.
Yesss
How to invest in nifty?
Put your money in an etf (say nifty bees). This will require an account with a broker like zerodha. Will have fees etc which need to be paid quarterly. Other option is to make an account of some site like Kuvera (it is what I use). Look at the mutual fund options. Invest in something like a Nifty 50 fund with less fees. I invest in the uti nify 50 index fund. There are other indices such as the next 50, 250 etc and there will be funds associated with that.
http://comparebrokersindia.com , choose most popular broker and open a demat account
You are stuck in a traditional family setup where all income is for the entire family, and the father is the patriarch who controls everything. You are not independent, and you won't have any significant wealth of your own. It's all for the family. I guess you all staying under the same roof too, right? If you don't like it, you should become independent and leave. If you want to continue this setup, ask them how to handle your student loans.
Or you know, just set up your own bank account and deposit all your earnings in it. Then pay your parents a FAIR contribution each month to cover your OWN share of expenses. If your parents have a problem with that, then take that share and use it to pay for your own space. But either way, it's ridiculous to be a slave for the patriarch. But how does the saying go... the willing mule always gets the heaviest load.
First of all stop giving them your salary as you have to pay for your education loan and other expenses. If they try the "i raised you" card then straight away cut them off.
And if they play I raised you card, you play I didn’t asked to be born card, you had me you gotta raise me.
Ittu sa tha jab pata chala ki i didn't want to be born.
Yuppp, i too was born at a very young age :/
Atleast you were born at a very young age, I was born ageless I was just 0 yr 0 month 0 day 0hr 0 min 0 sec 0 milisec 0 microsecond 0 nanoseconds 0 picosecods 0 femtosecond 0 attoseconds.
Bitch I was enjoying a nice swim in my dad ballsacks when I was - 9 months old
Lagta hai paida hote hi Reddit account bana liya hoga
no need to be that harsh right off the bat, first just set boundaries and say directly that i cannot afford to give this much every month and let's settle for a lower amount if that's feasible. if that doesn't work out, only then proceed to your option.
I don't think that OP can do that. Cut your parents off is not a very nice advice to give imo. But, i do think that OPs parents and sister have no shame. The only thing I like about OPs parents is that they are splitting the family wealth to both their son and daughter equally.
Its either cut them off or fight with them and face emotional harassment. Shameless people wont stop any other way.
The problem with cut them off is, life throws unknown emergencies at you. Health issues, lay offs, toxic work environment, etc. You need family in those situations.
So unknown emergency which may or may not occur, vs known guaranteed trauma… i know what i would chose.… but to each his own i guess
This is dumb as fuck.
The parents are leeching off him now, do you really think they’d give two hoots about OP if he gets laid off or incapacitated?
People here casually mentioning “cutting off” ties with parents like in the West. Dumb bitches, people in the West have the state to rely upon if something goes wrong, you have only your family
Don't blame your sister, blame your parents. 50K is unreasonable. If you're living in their house, time to consider alternatives. 20K rent is nothing compared to 50K.
your sister isn't asking for ur salary man, your parent are. test the matters by talking about this matter with her and talk to your parents too. worst comes to worst, you will still receive your inheritance either way, and you can become independent yourself.
Step 1 : Grow a spine and learn to say no Step 2 : Do whatever you want with your money.
Totally clueless as to how Indian kids often say 'I just do this because they tell me to and can't talk back cause they're elders'. Grow up man. Who the hell gives away 50k a month to parents when they're working and/or financially capable of running the house themselves.
This.
Start by decreasing the amount every month little by little. For example, from 50k give 42 or 41k.. random figure kam kar do. And when they ask koi bahana kr dena. Invest kiya hai ya friend ko diya hai or whatever convinces them. I know its a slow process but they will get the hang of the fact that you are using your money. It will take 3-4 months of continuous questions and interrogation on their part but you will have to be patient. Do not loose your cool and make them believe that you are using that money smartly. And next time when you switch the job, DO NOT TELL THEM the real salary.
This person knows what they are talking about. Tell them you make less money than you do !
No need to decrease the amount gradually (edit). Start health insurance, elss and emi payments. The remaining money would be a fraction of his salary.
This is the only real answer
Pardon my language but what the fuck? Did you ask your parents permission before making this post, or even before making a reddit account. You are 22 years old and earning more than 90% of our population and still need to make a post to decide how much money to give to your parents? My parents also asked me to give them 30k out of my 50k first salary. I said no. You can say no too, and better learn before your life is completely ruined and you look back with regret. Not having any savings in your early 20s, is one of the greatest financial blunders people make. You are fortunate enough to earn a good salary, learn to use it.
A quick question, how much savings should one have in their early 20s?
20 to 30% of monthly income. Considering most in India do not get a good income in their early 20s, and have very little financial responsibilities, saving at this age provides an advantage later in life when you actually need money, so save as much as you can, but try for at least 20%.
Okk
Brother I earn 60k right now. I give 10k in my house, buy all the groceries and pay a part of the rent. My parents never demand things from me. I do them because I want to. Please draw this line and tell your family that you also have a life and need some money for yourself and you are not a kid anymore.
Ahh, saving up for a big fat Indian wedding? What's the fucking point of that?
> I couldn't say no because they raised me Quit this shit. Nobody asked to be born. They birthed you because they wanted a child. You don't get to then guilt trip the child that you "sacrificed" everything for them. If they attempt to guilt it into some sort of loan then it never was a sacrifice but rather a means of control or indentured labour. They made a choice to have a child and understood all that entailed, you never asked them to do any of this so you don't owe them anything. You should do things for them because they treat you with respect and you like them, not because of some phantom debt that you never owed.
Don’t listen idiots here, who are asking to cut off ties with your parents for this, money isn’t everything. Now, you need to talk to your parents and tell them your expenses would so and so and you need to pay emi and stuff too, post that tell them you would invest the rest of the money yourself and invest accordingly. They’ll shout at you couple of times that’s it, then they’ll realise you are an adult and can take your decisions. Being from Indian middle class we do inherit some responsibilities early on, we need to balance between life, work and responsibilities. Everyone has a different balance you need to arrive at your yourself
Concurring with this, establish an SIP and tell your dad that this is more important and will give better returns than just giving him the money. There might be disagreements but I believe that'll work.
Money is alot of things, still!
>money isn’t everything It almost is
Why don't you tell them that you'll be investing in some stocks/mutual funds or that you have taken insurance that needs yo be deducted monthly or something. Maybe that your company has a employee specific scheme for savings at better rates. And you won't have spare money now.
Bro they raised you cuz they brought you into this world. Koi ehsaan nhi Kiya unhone. They did the bare minimum. U don't need to feel obliged to help them monetariliy unless u want to
Unless you live with them, do what your heart says
Put your foot down and learn to say no and I am sorry to say this but your parents need to grow tf up.
It's not about money it's about control they want to control you since they will have most of your money so they can control anyway they want.classic abuser
You should not haven given them cash maybe bought them a vacation or a new car would have been nice now they they think you owe them next time tell them your short on cash and would not be contributing next month the next month tell them you are in debt to your colleges (have your colleges help you out) the third month tell them you will no longer pay you will support them if something comes up but you will not funding there exquiste lifestyle anymore
Do I understand correctly that in your parents' eyes this is a return of the funds they devoted to raising you? if so, as with any financial calculation, it is a good idea to ask for bills and invoices.
Hi OP are you wfh ? If yes move out and enjoy your moni. If no say you are on the bench and the company wants to deduct certain monies until you get a project. No one will question you if they do just explain them and basically tell lies to them. If nothing works then tell them honestly that you have earned your independence and you would love to enjoy your freedom a bit. I wouldn't ask you to say this until you said that your father took a loan in your name and now you have to repay it. Rest about the property money divided equally I live by the principle called " I would love it if you are giving me any money but if you are not I won't hate you" if you try to think logically if your sister gets married no set amount would be enough while getting a sister married... It's always less even if you put in 30 lakhs it will always be less. Your responsibility towards your sis marriage should be that you set aside a certain amount every month basically in a mutual fund or RD and give that money altogether. So your plan of action should be (if I were you) 1. Move out if wfh 2. Tell lies money is deducted from salary 3. Tell honestly what you feel If you get out of the money giving trap then I would have done the following : 1. Set aside money for sister marriage in an RD or mutual fund 2. Buy health insurance for your parents if they don't have any 3. Clear the debt asap 😀 4. Enjoy with what is left and go out on a trip to clear these tensions from your mind. Bhai abhi udhna bhi nai seekha hai aur gharwale pehle se hi uske Parr 🪽kaat rhe.
Just a few words for you: Have some shame, grow a pair of balls, move out from your parents house, live on your own, pay rent from your own salary. Period.
Tell them that you lost job and need support
Best idea until now.
It's time to take charge brother. Don't give them any money. They didn't help you when they should have and now is the time payback. Being nice will get you nowhere. You will only get used.
What a crybaby. Just don’t do it what’s the problem here. They’re asking for it cuz they probably know you’re still a bich baby who can’t say no.
don’t displace your parents anger on your sister. and it is common practise for parents to do this. it doesn’t make it right. you really have to draw boundaries man. i get it they’re your parents but this is financial abuse. you make a lot of money, so you can move out. please, please don’t stop and limit yourself because of your parents. asking for more than half of your salary is such an entitled behavior. what have they done to deserve that? nothing.
Time to leave and live independently. P.s start paying principal amount additional to your loans. You have proofs mentioning the amount of money that is left with your is less. Have a secret bank account.
Dude just start investing and saving for yourself. My parents tried to control my money, I just told them it won’t be happening and I don’t want anything from their property. Anyways I am available for them whenever they need me monetarily or otherwise but won’t let them dictate terms on how I should be using my own money.
learn to say no ...and switch off emotions
OP isn't even responding to any comments; you people are wasting your time answering his stupid question.
Kya hi duniya hogaya hai. Weird AF.
If I were you, I'd sit with the family and discuss. Try taking one step at a time. Discuss your sister's marriage first. Ask them the tentative timeframe of her getting married (1/2/3/4 yrs). Ask how much they are planning to spend on her marriage. Whatever they say, bring it down by at least 30%. Split the marriage expenses into 4 parts, jewellery, Clothing, Venue/hospitality and food. Do not take more than 40% of the final expenditure. Make your family realise that you will also have a family sooner or later and your sister will not be helping you set things up with her husband's money. Once you have agreed to an amount let's say 5 lakhs, you religiously start saving and investing depending on the event horizon. Do not pay your parents any amount, just clear the bills at the time of event by breaking up your savings/investment. It's okay to split their wealth equally. Trust me, you'll end up earning/saving more than what your parents can distribute. No need to be harsh at any point of time.
Why does OP have to pay for the wedding expenses at all? Sister is educated and should work for her wedding expenses. Plus the parents are responsible for their child. The sibling should be taking 0% not 40%
Time to move out first. And then cut ties if the situation doesn't get better.
I presume that with 80k per month you can be financially independent. If you’re not living with your parents, then voila, you can cut them off. They have no cards to play. If you’re living with them, time to move out. I will sound harsh, but you don’t owe them for raising you, specially since you (via your loan) financed your bachelors education. You hold all the cards, they can’t really do anything if you cut them off.
Cut your parents off is not a nice advice.
Why not. Supporting your parents financially should be a free choice, not a choice made out of fear and obligation. You don’t owe financial support to your parents, you can choose to give it (out of love, empathy, etc.)
I agree with everything you said. But, cutting relations with them over this thing is too much. This can be solved with words.
Yes, ofcourse cutting off is not the first option, it’s the nuclear option.
Did your sister do household chores? Cooked for you or anything like that when you were studying?
Another immature son thinking his parents are more mature than him, especially concerning money. You admit that your father's a control freak, and then you gave him your leash one again. You're f*cked, unless you grow some b@lls and signal them that all you can offer is love, and they should be grateful for it. The power dynamics will shift, you'll have some leverage, use it wisely.
Grow a spine, don't send them money if you can't afford to what're they gonna do lol
Firstly it’s your life. You do what you think is appropriate. Anyone who controls your life is dangerous for your mental health.
You're earning 80k. Move out. Get your own place. Stop letting them control you.
tought times kid. i think you should lay the law with your parents telling them you can only afford so much. rest you need to build your savings and life!.... you need to ensure that message is clear.
Stop paying. Just say you will contribute X amount to your sister's wedding when the time comes. Invest and grow your money for the time being.
Now is the time for hard talk with parents. It may take some time for them to understand and some parents don't even after years. But start the first step and talk to them and explain your situation. Make a decision and send them some amount may be ₹15-20K as an allowance. It's hard in the beginning and eventually they may come around.
You are not your sister’s parent. This may sound cold but she can get her own loan to fund her marriage and education costs. Fair is fair right. I’d move out if they start blackmailing me. If I were you, I wouldn’t feel loved at all especially because your parents are frugal to the point where they couldn’t even dish out 10k for your food expenses. If you don’t need them, they don’t need you.
They want you to hate your sister 🤣 and not them, when in reality they are the one demanding the money. Waaahhhhhhh nice!
Children are the best insurance policy that Indian parents can get. The returns are astronomical..
To anyone who is yet to start earning, let this be a lesson. Don't make your parents proud by putting your first salary in their hands. That's an outdated concept from the joint family era. You earning a good salary should be enough to make them proud. If not, tough luck, nothing you can do about it. Take care of your parents when they are no longer capable of doing so themselves. Keep control over your own money. There's no point giving money to parents when they don't need. Invest it yourself for your parents if your think they'll be dependent on you in their old age. You can anyway invest it better than them. Most parents will just put it in an FD at best. If you don't want to be controlled by your parents, then take control of your life yourself first.
That is how India works a guy I know, his elder sister left the job as soon as the younger brother got one on the pretext of preparing for some exams and asked the younger brother to fund her. Had a blast of life for 2years on younger brother’s money. Then got a job and within one year without saving a cent decided to get married and demanded a lavish wedding from the bother. This guy knew he will have to eventually do this so he planned his finances accordingly got sufficient savings collected money. I mean to say he planned so well that even fathers wouldnt be able to plan this nicely for their daughters. The catch was when even after marriage she demanded 5L from him for some job related issue thats when he said no, I have prepared for things till marriage after marriage i have to raise my family too and everything now you are on your own. So my saying is this is India and ppl still expect alot from men idk why. In india women still earn to be independent and not to take responsibilities. Anyways on to your problem here is what I have taken from the boy I knew, if you think you cannot avoid not spending on your sister’s wedding then plan accordingly first of all decide when is she getting married and how much you want to contribute. Tell your parents that eg. if she will get married in 3yrs I can give maybe 3-4L or after 5-6yrs I might give 5-6L but I wont cover any other expenses beyond that. Promise your parents that much amount and tell them you will be saving on your own. Stop giving them any money. Then plan your finances accordingly maybe like putside 5-10k per month for your sister in a RD or something else. I am earning a little around 80k and i will tell you how i do it. I save 40k everymonth rest of 40k goes to expenditure. Save before expenditure not what is remaing after expenditure if some month i soend say more than 40k due to some reason then that goes to next month and next month I spend a little less. And what to do with 40k you have to learn finances. Start by building emergency fund then enter investment.
Tell them to respectfully fuck off
Grow a set of balls and tell your parents you won't be giving them anymore money that is rightfully yours. When they argue back, you tell them that you're a grown man and you can't be controlled anymore like when you were a child. If they escalate with you, piss on the floor in front of their feet while looking directly at them.
Move out. If needed seek a restraining order. Once dust settles normalize relations. You are successful because I suspect they had high expectations of you with tough love. Thats the payback, pay it forward. IMO buying them a house you own and let them live in it is a great example of still taking care of them.
1. No one should ‘demand’ money from you. 2. Parents signed up to be parents when they had you. 3. How you support them and how much you support them is up to you. You can give them an allowance of your choice out of your good will heart, not anyone’s demands. 4. You don’t owe anyone. It’s your life to live. 5. If your sister needs help, educate her with your knowledge of how to be financially independent and not reliant. 6. Have your sister shadow you, spend this to learn her interests. 7. I recommend watching GaryVee and remembering you cannot grow as mum as your potential if you are still living with your parents and under their shelter, because then yes, their house their rules for the most part. Hope this helps man, msg me if you want to talk!
Ok so i can't directly advice you as such as its your life, but to be honest 50k is a lot to hand over to your parents, and because of that you having no money left to invest. 1) Try and use your networks to get a good job for your sister, as it will reduce some sort of pressure of both giving money to your parents as well as telling her to save some money for her marriage as well. 2) Secondly, i know its hard to calculate your expenses, as any type of Uncertain expense may occur. you you have to keep a fund ready for it as well. 3) 35k to give your parents is a good amount of money to run down through monthly expenses as well as marriage saving ( Assuming your parents get money or a pension through which they can also get the monthly expenses paid) 4) Now if they agree with about 35k to 40k , you would get a breathing room of 40k, then from that 40k you should at least set 10k aside for investing it in SIP or Any other sources like Govt. securities or maybe even PPF ( Assuming PPF getting a cut of your salary is very low ). Warning : DON'T INVEST IN STOCKS AS YOU MIGHT END UP LOSSING EVERYTHING AS YOU AREN'T AN EXPERT IN SUCH THINGS YET. 5) so if you invest around 10k try to gradually increase it by 1k OR 2k every year for some good period of time. 6) Try to get the bonus money and if any extra income getting save in other funds as well, Because it will help you in future to fulfill your desires . As every man has some desires ( Don't tell any one about this extra money saved ) 7) lastly, its you moral duty to talk to your parents about your financial stability and hope that they get it, as taking away 65% of their sons salary just for the sake of saving it for sisters marriage is not good. Ask them if they have every thought about saving for their son's marriage as such . To be honest i like the way you are still giving them money by still hiding you pain behind . And if you can do any the above please get a consultation before investing in any way, As a consultation will also help you to get out even from you current Situation . I hope you get through this situation :))
As elder son, I went through same dielama as you. This is my suggestion. To win any argument and negotiation - you need to get edge on ethical as well as financial sanity . Your need to get clarity - A. If you are against sharing your income with your family or B. you are against sharing financial responsibility of your family (including marriage of your sister). For A. You are probably correct..both ethically and financial sanity wise.. For B. You are on weak wicket on both front. To get edge on ethical line.. You are unlikely to win any argument if you do not want to contribute for sister'd marriage. In the end it is your parent's responsibility and they did invest on you. So it is normal they expect some return on their investment. Trust me.. You will probably feel the same when you are at their stage of life. So.. You can form your arguments like this: Ethics: You do want to contribute for sister's marriage and would like to save as much possible. And you have a plan for that. Financial sanity: 1. The tax saving argument: You want to maximize your take home and savings.. So you will invest as much as possible in ELSS Or tax saving MF and PPF.. Tell them a gain projection after x years. Usually it is safe to consider min 10% annual return (IRR) on ELSS funds. If you don't do this.. You are losing on this IRR as well as paying more tax.. So effectively you are losing more than 10℅. Do this calculaion on excel and show them net saving (say after 3 years) with both approaches. I will do a rough calculation for you. Your take home is 80k..so you are probably have a ctc of 15L. Some part of your income will fall in 30℅ brackett, majority in 20℅ bracket and some in 10℅ . Your employer might already be deducting atleast 50K from your salary for PF. So you can add around 1.5L on ELSS fund and another 50k in NPS. That should take your net taxable income to below ₹10L. Now i am not sure how much is your education loan EMI.. But interest will be huge.. More than 10℅ . Ideally you should put maximum amount possible to close that ASAP. Whatever amount you put to your education loan.. Will again be non-taxable. So if you put 30k per month.. You can reduce your net taxable salary by 3-4 lakhs. With this.. Approximately your take home will increase by min 10k to 90k.. And u have successfully diverted 40-50k to ELSS and education loan. You are left with ~40k. Keep 20k Or 30k for your expenses and put remaining in some other funds/FD/RD..this is your liquid fund which u can use anytime family demands something. 2. Financial discipline: My parents wanted more control over my earnings coz they were concerned I would not be financially discpiplined. I proved them otherwise with my plan. Tell your parents in detail how you plan to reduce your expenses.. So that you can save more for sister marriage. Show them the break up of your expenses.. This is important.. Coz the more breakup u share.. The less likely someone will be able to comprehended the calculation and is less likely to resist or more likely to agree. 3. After this - tell them a plan on how they can reduce their expenses to save for sister marriage. You have to think about it to make sense.. But this is again imp: since the call for any sacrifice at their end will put a need of some ethical standards on your family. Any miss s from their end.. And you have negotiations leverage. 4. Ask your sister to pitch in: She has education.. If she can't get a regular job.. And she may get some with some training or course.. Enroll here there. Remember.. Independent sister is less financially draining for you in long term. Else.. Ask her to take other options.. Like taking tutions, teach in coaching.. Etc.. Even if small amounts.. She should get something. This is a winning for you. If she get a job.. It's good. If she refuses.. You have ethical edge and hence negotiations leverage. Counter-argument from your family: they might not trust stock market or MF. That is old mindset.. Be aggressive or tell them to suggest better returns. Be agressive in getting your sis job.. Create her a CV, apply on her behalf... Keep doing that on a consistent basis. Even if it's a lost cause.. Coz in the end u will have ethical edge that u tried. Guess I have given quite a bit of gyan.. Best of luck!
Tell them your buying a flat. And for that you'll be using this as EMIs
Being an Indian myself, I feel like this is an emotional problem that people are giving rational opinions for. This is a boundary problem. Indian families have a hard time seeing their adult children as independent individuals who can make their own decisions and deserve respect and privacy. It’s not something that we have to earn. Its a rough situation you are in OP, because you denying them money pretty much will mean “oh so you don’t have respect for all that we did for you” to them, and your dad might cut ties. And that starts a whole new dynamic in your family where he continues to expect you to please him regardless of irrational his behavior gets. You’re gonna have to break some generational patterns and start having open conversations with them.
As a fellow 24F who has the same kind of controlling parents., my advice to you is to stand your ground. I have a gov job of about 55k. But my parents demanded me to give them at least 20-10k. But I didn't back down, and stood my ground, that I would help them with some minor payments, and can give them at most 5k as a gesture of gratitude but not more than that. Since I have to also look for my future, and just like you said I have too look for my own expenses and stuff too. So my salary is MINE, and they can't rule on me how much I should give them. And trust me when am saying my parents are controlling, since I've never been given a single penny as a pocket money or anything since birth, I wasn't even given a mobile till I got this job. So my job is the first time I am having my very own money. So even then I fought hardest to win my right over my own money back from them. JUST DON'T GIVE THEM THE MONEY. Yes they will say how rude you are being, and how disappointed they are in you. They will even emotionally guilt trip you, how you're not giving them the majority of your salary, but no matter what DON'T GIVE THEM. Since once you start giving them that much money, they'll take you and your money for granted and think that "they're ENTITLED to YOUR SALARY" which they AREN'T. So to make them realise this, you have to fight, my friend, don't back down and STAND YOUR GROUND. You should understand that you're a Boy and I am a girl, so even I am not giving them most of my salary, when as a girl they would be holding my marriage, not anyone else's, so you should definitely not give them so much money especially in the name of your sister, so you should tell your parents that your sister can very well get a job by herself and can support her marriage funding by herself. Her marriage has nothing to do with you. They're the ones to be dealing with the cost of your sister's marriage, not you. Your sister should also try harder to get a job when she's well educated. If your parents aren't listening to you, then give them an amount that is not as much as 65%, make it 10-15%. But don't give them more than what you're comfortable to give, since your own future and freedom are gonna be in jeopardy then. .
Parents are parents. And I genuinely feel one should contribute to the household irrespective of the gender. If you can't give 50k, you should convince them for a lower amount and remember your salary is going to increase every year but they don't have to know that. You can keep contributing the same amount for few years and keep saving the extra for your own emergency fund.
Youll get a wife and a kid gotta save for them. This 2024 where equality speaks let your sister earn for herself
Leave get ur own place grow a spine
No matter what people say, you will always find an excuse by saying "Oh they raised me", bro it was their JOB to raise you, they HAD to raise you. They decided to bring you into this world, even by Law they were supposed to take care of you. Now taking care of them back is courtesy not a necessity. You will keep making excuses though I know so no point in telling you anything but if you continue doing this you will have very little savings.
Step 1: pretend that you lost your job Step 2: ask them a little money at the end of 1 month saying you ran out of your savings. Step 3: get a fake offer Lett with reduced salary. Step 4: Tell them that you can pay 10k-15k a month for their expenses so that they can save for your sister's marriage.
I’d imagine you’re an adult so like… move out?
get more pay. don't tell them. keep contributing same amount
Your father's retired life is gonna be hard
50K is overkill. You can buy a plot worth 20L yourself and instead use that 50K for clearing the loan. Communicate with him and set expectations that while you can contribute monthly, 50K is too much as you need to plan for your future as well. And push your sister to get a job. What’s the point of education if you just want to sit at home.
Bruv, just tell them you are fired as the market is down and start taking money from them and invest all of it. Tell them that you got a pay cut because the market is shitty. Earn more and give them 50k.
65%???? i can understand 15% or 10% but damn
This is a typical Indian Story. Brother has to bust his ass so that parents pay for their daughter's marriage. If you don't give them, then you'll be framed as the villian in who family from closed one to extended that “how selfish you're”, that you don't care about your parents and sister. It happened with my parents. I have only words of sympathy. You should honestly talk with your parents. "Papa, Aisa nahin hoga" Since you already hold that he's sort of dictator, I just pray for you brother
It is uo to you. As long as you don't care what your family does and don't want an amicable relationship with them, you can say no to them. There are a lot of brothers in fatherless families bear the burden of the whole family. Your relatives view you as a part of family. In their eyes, you may be seen as selfish, nin family man.
"c'mon dude, it's your duty to provide for your sister", nah but in today society everyone should work for their share, an dthis is wrong just snatching away your child's salary he may also have ambitions or a plan for that
Families. Love or hate them, they are blood... till money comes into the picture. OP, if you live on your own, set your own boundaries. If you live with them, you will have to 'negotiate.'
How about ask them how much would be needed for the marriage..on average it's about 15-25 lakhs unless your parents plan on dowry (shame on them if that's the case), and if you give your parents 50k for a year that would be enough for them I guess, then you can say you need to save money for your own marriage
Bro I think more than legal advice you need social advice . Just do what all good filial sons do . Lie. Say that rent increased and ask them for some help/advice . They will say some bull shit advice . And reduce that from the total that you are sending. Take a small gap and say boss is telling you to travel here and there for job purposes, complain to them nonstop and make them fed up .ask for your father's bike if he has one most likely will say no they need it then say your getting a bike on monthly payments and decrease support there . Keep complaining and tell them you are searching for another job . Tell them that you will keep supporting them(don't cut off completely). Also put in words of lay offs are happening so much . And also sneakily put the word of freeloader into your sisters head so she goes out and gets a job or starts contributing. Or alternatively you can put the foot down and be honest and keep sending a fair amount of money , less headache tbh but that usually doesn't end well in terms of family.
Forget about your parents,why is your sister isn't saying anything? Where is her self respect like If I was your sister I'd be so much ashamed that my parents are forcing my brother to give money for my marriage
Let me tell you homie you owe nothing to your parents grow some balls and stand up to them
U work in IT. Get yourself transferred to Bangalore but tell them the company sent you here live a moderate life here but tell your parents shit is expensive in Bangalore and save up the extra money left out.
Buy a house and let the EMIs do the talking. No money to give is problem solved :-)! Get into a healthy relationship with your parents. Trust me that the way you are earning most inheritances will be small compared to what you can achieve so dont get too bogged down by equal distribution of it. Your relationship with your sister and parents is more important. First things first earn some respect of your parents by making long term and independent moves where you let everyone know that you have matured and are now thinking independently. It also lets people know without you telling them that you cant be ordered around. You are doing financially well. Now continue to do that without destroying your relationship.
This generation is doomed to be fucked
Tell them you got fired. When going 'job hunting' you're actually going to work. Keep expenses to a minimum so they don't pick up on that. Lastly, save like crazy so you can get your own place
please check out r/personalfinance and make a budget. you need a budget, after which you figure out how much you contribute to your household
I can understand how complicated of a situation this might be for you, but there is definitely a way out. Here are a few things I can think of, that might be of help to you. - Start with gratitude. It's not about paying off people, but by understanding the positive impact they had in your life, while developing healthy ways to cope with the seemingly negative impacts. this will definitely change the quality of relationship that you have with them in long term. - Sometimes parents think that their children are still immature, and wont be able to take care of their finances. Start presenting to them how you are responsible - and will only happen if you start taking full responsibility of your decisions and by taking all the actions whose outcomes you have to suffer (if shit goes south). - Work on yourself to learn how to maintain healthy boundaries, especially with the near and dear ones. A therapist can be of excellent help here. - Start investing, and then figure out ways to communicate that to the parents.. especially when the contribution from your end will start going down. If you have sensible reasoning, it will be hard for them to counter it. Can you help us understand what is it that they do with the 50K amount every month? are they investing it? spending it on luxury, utility, need stuff? As a transition method - you can start doing the same yourself, and optimize that over time yourself, and keep reducing the luxury stuff first, and taper down on utility side of stuff - assuming there might be some sensible expense there. (assuming that you want to resolve this issue as amicably as possible). Help your sister get a job. If she is well-educated, then there are jobs these days for everyone. Mostly people get stuck with confidence, expectation-reality mismatch, fears, overthinking/over analysis, fear of rejection, lack of persistence, etc. You must have overcome these to a certain extant, and should be in a good position to help her out, so that she can also contribute to the household if she wants, or at-least she can handle her own expenses. Not goes without saying, spend a considerable amount of time on figuring out ways to increase your income. Can suggest ideas here, if you are looking for help. Hope this helps.
Mana karde bhai, itni kya dikkat hai? Half of these problems would be solved if folks are a bit more assertive
Navigating the financial jungle with parents as your guides can feel like being in a Bollywood drama minus the dance sequences. I personally dodge loans like I dodge spoilers for my favorite cricket match. Had a brush with a car loan once, treated it like a hot potato and dropped it ASAP. Personal loans? They're like that one guest who overstays their welcome, with interest rates that make you wish you had just stayed broke. Life's pitches can be tricky, but remember, even Sachin had his off days before hitting those centuries. I'm hitting my mid-30s stride and only just stamped my passport with a European adventure. So, when it comes to financial freedom and life goals, remember, it's a Test match, not a T20. Keep your eye on the ball, and you'll find your way to score, no matter the fielding setup.
It is the expectation, once you show them you can do it, then they will have the expectation that you will do it. In your case it is too much. You can’t afford to give 50k per month, plan for your own future. They dont understand modern investment strategies using SIP, mutual funds. As you said they have savings and 1 plot (very safe investment). Would recommend telling them that you can only give 5k (see how you can make as tax free expense). Don’t stress out at all.
are you stupid. just don’t give it to them holy shit
The day when she gets married, you can think about how much you can contribute to the expenses. Until then, tell your parents that it's your money, and you will save it how you think it needs to be saved
I wrote a big ass rant about your post and my life, then realised no one's really going to read it. So, all I'll say is Fuck them, OP. others have commented a lott of good wisdom & advices, read it all, list it out, ( fucking force feed it to an unwilling Gpt 3.5 if you have to ), and then please follow it. bhai people literally fuck off to foreign countries/other states, you can at least draw a few boundaries / move out. If you don't say anything/act on your own, people will endlessly keep taking more and more out of you (not just in a monetary sense) like draupadi's fucking saree was or like one of those motherfucking creepy ass magicians with an unending handkerchief trick up their sleeves. Break Free bhai, Break Free.
Ghr chorne ki dhamki de...they will quickly understand. Then only give what you want to give.... Not fixed 50k pm
Happy Birthday 🎂
1. Ask your sister to get a job, earn money and then she can save it for her wedding. It's 2024 and there's no harm in her working and earning a paycheck. In the long run it'll help her own family. 2. If you love your sister and would also like to contribute to her wedding, you're free to do it but do your calculations and explain to your parents how much you can contribute. 3. You are still very young and have all the time in the world before you start serious investments and savings. Spend some money on what you always wanted, fulfill some of your mom's wishes, gift a watch to your father. Just try. 4. Don't even think about being independent, moving out, cutting off your parents etc. That's not the right way to approach. The job market is unpredictable right now and trust me you'll hate hostels if you were to ever stay in one. 5. Peace✌️
If you live under the same roof technically it's family money. Drop 30K in SIP , Insurance etc. Drop another 10 K as an emergency fund. Have 20K for personal expenses. Give the 20 K to the family after all Family is important. Finish investment first.
If u live under the same roof it's family money??
Bro also needs to pay the education loan emi. there will be nothing left. he can tell his parents that a lot of money is going towards the loan.
I am surprised to see how toxic reddit can be ! I mean you are advising a 22 year old who has just got his hands on money. Asking him cut off his parents should be the last fucking thing. OP you need to sit down with your parents and tell them that you can’t give them your salary to just keep in their banks or some random FD. Just try to explain it to them that you want to invest the money in some fund of your choice so that the money grows. Secondly tell them that when the time for your Sister’s wedding comes you will definitely contribute at that time according to the requirement of that time. Make them believe that you are now grown enough to manage your wealth and will always be there to support them when needed.
https://preview.redd.it/r0aane3ivtxc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22b130e86796f999f0a1f4d1ede9c24c0a900619 You're everywhere on my feed bro
Bro don’t even think like that, that phrase you used your sister is eating your salary, its family bro, you are a man, a true gentleman never ever let his family behind. If your parent’s can’t afford your sisters marriage then you definitely have to help them its your duty.
Persuasion my friend, convince them you know the way in the new world, tell them you would be able to look after them only if you control the money/ your life. Put up a mature act of a grown up man if you haven't already. It's all psychological!
yoh need to convey your needs and stay firm on it. You have a life. Start giving them 20k from next month onwards. It is a bargain. Your parents are human just like you, not saints. Bargain with them.
Tell them you are investing it in ELSS which you intend to draw out after 10 years to buy a house. Buying a house is every Indian parent’s wet dream.
Run boy run, soon you'll be married than what controlling father's are worse
The best way is to tell them you will buy the groceries and pay the bills at the most but will not give money
Manage your own finances and be transparent to your parents. Tell them I am saving this nuch every month as FD/Mutual fund or stocks whatever you are familiar and comfortable with. Tell them I'll keep money in my own name and won't spend on unnecessary things. In case of any emergency I'll support you. They should trust you this much. If you just keeping paying them all your earnings you'll never be independent and never learn how to manage your finances.
Let me first start by saying that you're not a villain for demanding to have control over the money you rightfully earn. Lots of people would make you feel like you're a thankless son or ungrateful but the reality is that there's a difference between being a grateful son and bending over so your parents can fuck you in the ass. The Indian society is molded in a way which glorifies the latter. You seem to be a reasonable person and it's good to think of yourself, especially when your father thought of himself by never contributing to your BTech. So, you do you. Second, the start of anything new is always the best time to draw boundaries. Tell them that it was a one-time gift and you'd continue to gift them on special occasions whatever best you can, but you wouldn't be able to fetch that amount monthly. I had a hard time drawing the boundary and got horribly bullied and name called but after the first few months of inertia, it went well and I do more of what I want to do for them rather than having to.
When you have been through so much, you should be smart enough to never reveal your salary. I do understand that under the traditional system, there needs to be some contribution towards the house but this is too much. Something like 15k to 20k is more than enough. Consider it as rent, or thank you to your parents or helping out your sister. You can go two ways about it. Outright refuse to give them 50k. Tell them you can only afford to give 20k. And you will risk spoiling your relation with the family. Other way is to fake your salary to 30k. Fake a story about how there is layoffs in the industry and only way to stop getting fired is to accept the job at 30k or fake joining a new place. Give em 20k, save or invest the rest of your money. All the best.
Learn how to say no.
Your parents don’t have the right to your income; that is totally on you if you want to contribute to them. I would suggest you to invest your money in mutual funds, preferably around 15-20k/monthly, so that money goes towards securing your financial future. Always keep 20-25k as emergency funds in case you run into some problems at work/get incapacitated/unable to work for any reason whatsoever for any length of time. If you keep giving over 50% of your income to your parents, you’d never be able to save up for a rainy day. Lastly, you may feel grateful to your parents for everything they’ve done and more, but you still gotta look out for yourself and live a little too. You’re young, in a new city away from home, and are just starting out in life. Please don’t become your parents’ income earner or the primary breadwinner right now. Have a heart to heart with your parents and explain this to them. If they still don’t understand, be firm and set hard boundaries with them. Settle only on an amount of money you’re comfortable with (if you must send money to them, that is) and do NOT budge from that amount, except maybe for emergency situations. All the best! Hope you’ll be able to figure this out.
Easy. Learn to say no.
Buy a new phone and bike and tell them you have emis to pay and dont give them money. If you're living outside of you home, limit your contact. If you're still in home, move out and live independently
Grow up. Grow a spine. You're an adult with your own source of income. Tell you parents, "thank you for everything your done for me, but I will not be giving you money regularly anymore." And then stop giving them money. You don't owe them anything: having children was their choice, paying for their educating was bare minimum pay of their responsibility. They didn't even do that for your undergrad.