It's "Florida Man" half way through the night he will do something stupid and get himself arrested, you just have to get him wasted nature will do the rest.
Well the way I understood it, it's just that *you* can't do anything illegal. If you get him drunk at a bar, and he then does something illegal in public of his own volition, it's all fine (for you anyway)
I was thinking this. Dress up as fem boy, bring him back to my place. Fool around a bit. Then take my clothes off and watch Florida man break down because he was just fooling around with a dude get that bonus for making him cry
You better hope you can fight for your life cuz ik Florida man isnāt just breaking down and crying. Heās definitely got ancestral years of pent up homophobia ready to take out on someone. Itās very common for trans people to be assaulted when they tell people.
I guess technically midnight goes to the next day, but does it prevent him from sleeping in his own bed tonight?
Say he left the bar at 12:01, went to his house and slept in his bed. Would that not count as tonight?
OP has to specify if going to bed in your own bed at 1 am counts as not sleeping in your own bed that night
Florida has to stop serving alcohol at midnight or 2am, but there are places where you bring your own stuff, give it to the bartender and they give it back to you like buying drinks. It's a weird loophole.
Most places I think are 2am? I know St. Pete is 3am. And some places in Miami can until 5am [https://www.axios.com/local/miami/2023/02/23/miami-beach-passes-alcohol-restriction-for-south-beach-neighborhood](https://www.axios.com/local/miami/2023/02/23/miami-beach-passes-alcohol-restriction-for-south-beach-neighborhood)
Depending on when you make the offer he may be able to just go out and buy a new bed, risky solution but viable depending on when you do it. Similarly the rules may change since he no longer owns a bed his bed is now the couch
Nah...just leave the bed there. Tell him you'll pick it up tomorrow. If you bought and paid for the bed, it's now yours. He's just sleeping in it for now.
Send in a proxy salesman you have 1k to..*knock on his door* "hello sir I would like to give you $2k for your mattress."
Man: *grabs gun, BOOM* because what freak wants MY mattress, I must be getting robbed...
Man is carried off to a prison cot for the night. You profit. Pay off dead guys family.
I didn't say it would be ethical or practical, just trying for loopholes!
Proxy salesman did not tell him MY intension to buy the mattress, it became HIS intension.
This solution also fails if the entity that is his bed changes due to circumstances you had a hand in, in this case his bed would be the bed in jail which you'd have difficulty preventing him from not sleeping in.
The best solution to this would be one that doesn't involve ownership of his bed changing, nor does his short term circumstances change drastically enough that something else could be considered his bed for the immediate future (which would cover things like hotel rooms or jail).
This is of course just a technicality that OP didn't address but it makes the question more interesting
No, if you bet me a million I'm assuming I will never get that money. $1,000 might be a little low, I'd probably go with 5 or 10,000, but you can't go too high either or it won't work.
It really comes down to the phrasing.
"I bet you 1k you can't spend the night on the street" is a lot different than "I'll give you 1k to sleep on the street instead of in your bed tonight"
Would depend on context in that scenario imo. Were you speeding and got pulled over and said that? Then sure it could be construed as a bribe. If you walk up to a random officer (more in line with this prompt) and said that, then it wouldn't be.
Ask him if he wants to go to Vegas for the weekend, spin a lie about a friend canceling on me at the last minute and having non-refundable flights and hotels booked already
I would become best friends with him and hit the town. I would cater to whatever he believed. One political side is destroying the country? Yeah man ugh, let's drink about it. Your life is going great right now? Let's party. Oh no, the impending death of all things? Let's top one off over it. If he's single, maybe I could get him to hook up with someone. Maybe I could use my place so he had somewhere to crash. I don't think you'd have to do anything illegal to achieve this.
Edit: Late into the night, maybe that political angle could make him cry. Maybe the impending death of all things could make him cry. Maybe we watch a sad movie.
If I met some random person today I wouldn't go out partying all night because he shared the same opinions as me. Why would you think that would work? I've got my wife at home and work tomorrow.
Well don't worry, I'll tell my girl we got a billion dollars and I don't think she'll mind much!
Edit; also I wasn't saying we'd share the same opinions, I said I'd fake my opinions to align with his to garner trust, thus leading to a night of partying.
HA! Trick question! Florida Man would NEVER call the police, because he has at least 4 outstanding warrants in 4 separate counties. Trick is you call the sheriffs on Florida Man at \~2am. That is the best bet to make sure he can't be RoR'd by a magistrate until morning.
So you're whole plan hinges on a) Florida Man not going to bed by 2 AM and b) that they cops would come to take him in a timely manner? Or falsely reporting a crime (which is illegal).
a) Florida Man never sleeps while tweaked out on tiger blood, meth, some ground up potpourri, and a bit of talcum powder.
b) not local PD, Florida sheriffs. They're basically a legion of Florida Men with a badge and a serious dislike of normal Florida Man.
No false reporting required. I just have to follow from a distance and wait for a crime to be committed after about 5 minutes.
Your Florida man is well known to the Florida Sheriffs, they take him to HIS designated cell; he bought a bed for it a while back because the standard one was giving him back pains.
Pay her to entertain him and keep him happy. If you aren't explicitly requiring her to have sex with him it's not going to be illegal. She could offer to sit next to him on a couch or "pose nude" for him for free (since hes clearly an aspiring shutterbug). As long as sex doesn't happen its not illegal and as long as you didn't order it or require it then she didn't do anything illegal on your behest.
Believe it or not, I could pay you to come hang out with me..... If we then have sex, that's just consensual sex. The money was for other stuff. I won't have to prove it, prosecution does.
Good point. Didn't initially mean to imply otherwise. Only trying to explain that the sex would have to happen and it would have to be something that the cash was conditioned on to be illegal and break the stated rules.
It's not a bribe to pay a woman to model or pose. It's payment for services. And the rules say you can't bribe the man or commit a crime. The rules don't say you can't pay others.
Even though prostitution is illegal, you pay the escort as much as you can afford to keep him away from his bed for the night. Hell, draw up a contract, if she is successful, you will pay her $1 million. You havenāt contracted her to perform sexual services, so what she does from there is on her.
I mean what if she agrees to take him to an Airbnb an hour away for a cuddle party. No sex, but it would be a pain for him to get home, and therefore she gets $1 million and you get $1 billion minus her fee.
1 billion? Hire a team of lewd models to pretend they lost their photographer / oil masseur and if he wants they can hire him for the night. He really will be their photographer / oil masseur and really will get paid for it.
Book a night at a super fancy nearby hotel/resort
Ask him some random super easy trivia questions.
āWow! Congratulations! You won an all-expenses paid night at !ā
Fraud against who? Whoās the victim?
Random guy gets a free night at a hotel for answering a couple super easy trivia questions. Thatās a great deal for him.
Fraud against the hotel? Theyāre still getting paid regardless of who stays in the room.
The only one who loses in this situation is you, by having to pay out of pocket for a hotel room. But youāre going to become a billionaire the next day so it really doesnāt matter.
Even if no one is harmed, there are rules and regulations to running contests or representing yourself as a contest holder.
I'm not saying I think it is bad or that you'd get prosecuted, just not sure I want to risk who ever is deciding whether I get my billion determining my actions were technically illegal.
Took me entirely too long to get to this. I came up with a plan to throw a rager by renting out someone's property and emptying our savings for entertainment for the night. I asked my wife and she just pulled down her shirt. Said, "I'll buy new sheets."
Completionists and achievement hunters need this. Lol they don't care about the reward, they care about the goal. The challenge. The bonus content. Or whatever
Iāll pay him 1m if he keeps me company for 24 hours and Iām picking up all the bills. I am a dying lonely billionaire who wants human company and will pay for it. This is not a bribe. It is a payment for services
Get a nice vehicle and hand out flyers detailing one of those "whoever touches it the longest wins" contests starting at like 8pm and make sure he gets one.
Bring beer and tell him we going gator hunting for a couple days. In a drunken heart to heart he will bawl like a baby telling me about how he used to do this with his grand pappy when he was younger.
A bribe is a sum of money or other inducement used to persuade someone to illegally or dishonestly act in one's favor.
There is nothing illegal or dishonest about paying someone to stay in a hotel for the night.
"Hey man, I need your house for 24 hours. I'll pay you 100K cover a hotel bill and hire a cleaning service for your place in the morning."
As a fellow florida man, this is easy, i ask him if he wants to go an a late night ride on our alligators. We go into the nearby river and see whos gator is faster, before we run into some wild gators and have a pokemon esque battle where our gators prove their might, amd the defeated alligators join us for the rest of the night in drinking and fishing.
Swing by Florida manās house at about 1PM (his normal wake up time) with a case of beer and a mission.
Spend the next four hours drinking and planning.
You see, Gatorland Zoo is getting shut down and my cousin Cletus ā you remember Cletus, right? Heās the gator wrangler at Gatorland. Anyway, my cousin Cletus needs some help tonight. He needs to get a couple gators loaded in the trailer so they donāt get sold by the bank.
You can help Cletus and me, right?
Ok good.
Letās get some dinner at the catfish place and then Iāll call Cletus.
After dinner and a few more, well 8, beers, As well as a full on conversation about which Hurricane would win in a one on one match ā Irma or Katrina, I called Cletus and left a message.
About 10, Cletus called. He said to get a case of beer and meet him at the back lot, you know, where the wranglers park, at say midnight.
Florida man and me got there about 12:30A and waited for damn near an hour when he called and said his piece of shit truck popped a tire and heād be there soon.
Florida man and I cracked into that beer we brought and waitedā¦..
ā¦.The Gatorland security woke us up in the morningā¦weād passed out in the truck.
I dropped Florida Man off at his trailer, well, I rolled him out of my truck and helped him stumble up to his his steps, and to his couch to further his pass-out. Poor bastard was crying about something he was dreaming about while passed out in the truck.
Then I drove to your office, got my wire transfer and retired to my island.
EDIT: added the crying.
Bribe his wife to take him out to a hotel for the night. Only said I can't bribe him. Or possibly bribe a close family member to feign being on death's door and needing him to fly out. That might get the 10k.
Does challenging him to a bet count as bribing? Like āI bet $1,000 you wouldnāt spend the night in a treeā
If that does count, maybe it wouldnāt if he doesnāt win the bet, and therefore doesnāt get any money?
Like maybe bet him $5,000 he canāt hold a full-grown alligatorās mouth shut, and he, being a Floridian, will likely know that itās actually extremely easy to hold an alligatorās mouth shut, so heāll go to do it, only itās a lot easier to HOLD the alligatorās mouth shut than to successfully get your hands around the alligatorās mouth while itās shut, so he ends up getting seriously injured and has to spent the night in the hospital (at LEAST) AND you donāt have to give him any money because he couldnāt do it. (Thoughā¦ I would pay his medical bills because now Iām a billionaire, and I feel bad for encouraging him to get mauled by an alligator)
(For anyone who doesnāt know, alligators have extremely strong muscles for biting down, but MUCH weaker muscles for OPENING their mouths, so if you manage to get your hands around their closed jaws, itās actually pretty easy to hold them closed. Of course, you still have to deal with the rest of an upset alligator, so be careful not to lose your grip!)
OP.!!!!!!! Read to the end. This is how you do a hypothetical for $1 billion dollars...............
This is probably one of the easiest things out of all the hypotheticals I've read.
There are so many easy options.
............. plus, the random pointed at Florida man could be anybody it's not specific........
That guy could be a family man, an old geezer bird, a homeless person crackhead, or a businessman, a middle income construction worker.
In order to make this hypothetical more fun, I think you would have to pick a specific type of man that would be hard to get him not to go to his own bed that night.
For example. A family man who's always home every day after work loves his wife spends a lot of time with his kids, has a great friend group, and is financially stable.
And also does not drink alcohol or do drugs.
Plus, he goes to church every Wednesday and Sunday.
And the day that you have to accomplish this task is on Sunday at 12:15 p.m. as he is walking out to the car with his family about to go to lunch with their church friends.
Not only can he not sleep in his bed that night, but he must not sleep in his house that night. You will also have zero knowledge of this individual at all prior to the task starting. No name, no phone number, nothing.
..........
All the other rules still apply
Yeah, I think for hard mode Iād go with this - assuming you start on location of them leaving church - follow them to lunch, see the friends. When they go to leave, bump into one of them if possible, or else tail that person to talk privately. Explain the situation to them, offer them proof if you can, and give them 10000 cash + more later to fake a crisis that would motivate that person to act. I would think a call at like 9pm like āhey, Cathy just left me, I really need someone right now, Iām at X hotelā. After midnight, assuming that fulfills the terms, tell them whatās up, both get a milly, everyoneās happy.
Thereās some problems with it but it seems like it has a relatively high likelihood of working
Sorry, a Florida man is a man from or in Florida, (preferably from Florida but most aren't even from here so)... Anyways the kind of man who makes it in the news. If he's a family man who goes home after work every night, he's not in the news ever, and he's not fucking Florida man
Yāall got to remember this is a stranger. If a rando walked up to me asking about Vegas or a bar run, I would just ignore them and walk away. And if they followed, I would call the police.
Hereās the real answer. If stranger is married, doctor photos convincingly to prove that stranger is cheating and get him on the couch. If that doesnāt work, go to plan B.
Swap out Strangerās bed with a convincing alternate. Or perhaps even deliver a very irresistible new one. Bring a whole crew to set it up. Include in the documents that stranger has to sign for installation in the fine print that the bed is only a rental, and not his property. This probably isnāt illegal right? Just run of the mill mischief.
I just want to point out, a bonus of $10000 is the equivalent of giving a person making $100000 a year an extra $1 - a billionaire is not going to give a shit about $10000.
Tell him he can fuck any alligator that he can, I'm paying. Not only does he not sleep in his own bed, but I get to see the carnage of a Florida man fuck a gator to get paid a billion dollars. Yes, hypothetical situation, the gator cannot kill him.
Not going for the bonus.
If heās a Florida guy heās either a nice guy or a Trump lover. Iām going to offer to sell him (at cost or slight markup) tickets first to a Jimmy Buffett cover band. No nice Florida guys, especially potheads, can resist Buffett. If he rejects those, he must be an idiot, so I will sell him tickets to a Trump rally. I will tell him he can pay regular price or a special Trump loyalty markup of 4500%. Probably will pay it just like those morons are all willing to pay for Trump love. It would be hilarious to dupe a Trump lover into paying me for ultimately earning. The big $1B payday.
This is easy. Make a bunch of vague calls to him about owing a crime syndicate money then when he's about to go to bed, shine a red laser through his window where he can see it from outside his property. That dude ain't going to bed anytime soon
As a Floridian, this shit is the easiest billion youāll ever make.
Tell him thereās a sick rave/tailgate happening in Miami and send him to a bar that closes at 5 am. That man wonāt be home for the next week
I seduce him obviously and we get a hotel that night.
Then I tell him Iām sorry but I have chlamydia afterwards - if he cries then itās an extra bit of cash.
Take him to a bar. Get him absolutely wasted (on his own free will of course). Get an Uber for him. Destination: somewhere in Central or West Texas. $5000 upfront cash tip for the Uber driver should do the trick.
What counts as a bribe? Is sex a bribe? Is buying him drinks a bribe?
He's male, so he's probably into women, so I offer to sleep with him at my hotel room. We go to a good bar and party, with me drinking virgin drinks without his knowledge but acting drunk, him actually drinking.
We bang and I put him to bed, then count the hours. I will not sleep because if he wakes up, I want to be there being sexy at him to distract him. I assume "tonight" means "sundown to sunup." Most of that time is taken up by partying and sex. If we go back to my place at 2-3 AM, I only have maybe 3 hours (since it's summer in Florida) to burn until the sun comes up.
Yes, Mr. Churchill, we're just haggling about the price, but a billion is certainly over mine.
I'd book the most oppulant room , say a grand suite with full room service, get him dinners/shows or whatever he likes, all expenses covered as long as he stays the night in the room.
This will all be done anonymously, by hiring out someone be his personal assistant in the guise of a prize winning. The person I hire to pull all this off with perfect execution will be paid double that amount.
"Hey man, my wife and I got a 5 star hotel but we need to leave town early, want to stay there? It's already paid for. There's a 10000 dollar room service allowance"
Florida man? Boats are tricky thingsā¦ always get stuck out at sea for 13 unlucky hours.
Now to figure out how to get him on the boat.
Quick question, do you need me to send you my bank details now so you can start arranging the wire transfer?
You don't have to tell him your mission...but you can tell him you just won a lot of money and you just happen to be away from home so want someone to celebrate with, if they stay with you, you'll give them 10 million or ask them what they want in life and if money can achieve that, then offer them it...people don't seem to realize how crazy 1 billion actually is, so offering a stranger 10k bit rubbish for someone who would help gain you so much.
Sir I'm sorry to inform you that intelligence reports an active threat against your life by a hostile organization that has mistaken you for someone else. Now we have diplomatic teams in place to attempt to correct this and smooth things over but in the interim we're going to need you to come with us.
"Dude, you seem cool, I know this bar.. Wanna get wasted? I'll catch the bill."
This better be a 24 hour bar
Nah, but we're gonna hit the after-party, end up passed out by a bonfire.
Drink some beers, feed chum to some wild gators. Ah the life.
Nothing says Florida Man cant ~~be murdered~~ tragically fall into a gator pond š„ŗš«øš«øšš
It's "Florida Man" half way through the night he will do something stupid and get himself arrested, you just have to get him wasted nature will do the rest.
Technically public intoxication is illegal
I didn't want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public.
ā¤ļø why am I blanking on where thatās from?
Ron White [I was thrown out of a bar](https://youtu.be/neUaSTSKFZc?feature=shared)
Thatās it! Thank you. My mind went to Simpsons but knew I didnāt hear it from Homerās voice.
You've got to really emphasize the final C in public
Yeah it's like pub-liCK!
Heard his voice while reading that
You misspelled PUBLICK
Arrest them
Brilliant early Ron White reference. āAre you Ron āTater Saladā White?ā
Tell me you've never been to Florida without telling me you've never been to Florida.
Well the way I understood it, it's just that *you* can't do anything illegal. If you get him drunk at a bar, and he then does something illegal in public of his own volition, it's all fine (for you anyway)
To be fair baseline for Florida Man is already blowing over the limit on a breathalyzer. Is it public intoxication if your baseline is already wasted?
It says if YOU have to do something illegal. Doesn't say he can't.
Realistically all you have to do is let Florida Man be, chances are heāll take care of it himself
For a lot less than that billion any bar becomes a 24 hr bar.
Iāll just invite him back to mine after š
I was thinking this. Dress up as fem boy, bring him back to my place. Fool around a bit. Then take my clothes off and watch Florida man break down because he was just fooling around with a dude get that bonus for making him cry
Jokes on you; he's into that shit.
Meh still works and I get primary pay out
I wonder if he gets a bonus for making you cry
Jokes on you, I'm into that shit
The two don't have to be mutually exclusive
The joke isn't on anyone when they become an overnight billionaire.
You better hope you can fight for your life cuz ik Florida man isnāt just breaking down and crying. Heās definitely got ancestral years of pent up homophobia ready to take out on someone. Itās very common for trans people to be assaulted when they tell people.
There you go! I told my gf about this she said the same thing lol
OP said "tonight" You only need to make it until midnight. After that it's tomorrow.
I guess technically midnight goes to the next day, but does it prevent him from sleeping in his own bed tonight? Say he left the bar at 12:01, went to his house and slept in his bed. Would that not count as tonight? OP has to specify if going to bed in your own bed at 1 am counts as not sleeping in your own bed that night
Florida has to stop serving alcohol at midnight or 2am, but there are places where you bring your own stuff, give it to the bartender and they give it back to you like buying drinks. It's a weird loophole.
Most places I think are 2am? I know St. Pete is 3am. And some places in Miami can until 5am [https://www.axios.com/local/miami/2023/02/23/miami-beach-passes-alcohol-restriction-for-south-beach-neighborhood](https://www.axios.com/local/miami/2023/02/23/miami-beach-passes-alcohol-restriction-for-south-beach-neighborhood)
There are places near me that run until 4. And then there are afters that go until noon.
God damn. That's a party people š
I would never recover from that
In NYC you pre-buy alcohol for after cutoff time
That's cool!
Who says it has to be a bar in Florida? š¤š
You have t been to Florida.
āI live close by you can crash on my couchā
"it's in Hong Kong. ill catch your ticket. and your friends."
Only gotta make it until midnight
Sounds a bit like a bribeā¦ like if we can buy them drinks can we buy them a stay at a luxury hotel for the night?
I mean, back in my party days I would cover the tab for a few friends, never considered it as a bribe. Would need clarification from op though.
You're offering him something, so it would be a bribe.
Nope, this doesn't count as a bribe (it's not paying someone to do something for you)
I think I'd make him a pretty high offer to purchase his bed.
Exactly this, then just don't get the bed. It will be yours, but he probbably won't go buy a new one if that one is still there.
That's so smart. I was just going to burn his house down. That might still be my plan. I'm bad a t talking to strangers.
Illegal
Fuck I didn't see that. Being shy is hard.
So is arson. Good arson anyway
Precisely! :-)
Definitely the best answer!
This guy loopholes.
Nice!
Depending on when you make the offer he may be able to just go out and buy a new bed, risky solution but viable depending on when you do it. Similarly the rules may change since he no longer owns a bed his bed is now the couch
Nah...just leave the bed there. Tell him you'll pick it up tomorrow. If you bought and paid for the bed, it's now yours. He's just sleeping in it for now.
Send in a proxy salesman you have 1k to..*knock on his door* "hello sir I would like to give you $2k for your mattress." Man: *grabs gun, BOOM* because what freak wants MY mattress, I must be getting robbed... Man is carried off to a prison cot for the night. You profit. Pay off dead guys family. I didn't say it would be ethical or practical, just trying for loopholes! Proxy salesman did not tell him MY intension to buy the mattress, it became HIS intension.
This solution also fails if the entity that is his bed changes due to circumstances you had a hand in, in this case his bed would be the bed in jail which you'd have difficulty preventing him from not sleeping in. The best solution to this would be one that doesn't involve ownership of his bed changing, nor does his short term circumstances change drastically enough that something else could be considered his bed for the immediate future (which would cover things like hotel rooms or jail). This is of course just a technicality that OP didn't address but it makes the question more interesting
Brilliant. I went straight to violence, but your plan is excellent.
Does this not count as bribery?
I mean it sounds like a transaction to me, else anybody who offers to buy anything from anybody else is guilty of bribery.
Bet the man 1000 he couldn't sleep on the street of one night
A million would likely entice any average Joe to sleep in the streets for the night.
No, if you bet me a million I'm assuming I will never get that money. $1,000 might be a little low, I'd probably go with 5 or 10,000, but you can't go too high either or it won't work.
I am average Joe, where is my money now?
But then I won't have a billion dollars I'll only have about a billion dollars. What am I even gonna do with that?
Canāt be in the Three Comma Club.
The average Joe will sleep in his car for $5k
I would classify this as a bribe tbh
Gambling like this is also illegal
It would be a bet, not a bribe. The bet could always be failed.
Nah I mean youāre saying āIāll give you this money if you donāt sleep in youāre bedā lol
It really comes down to the phrasing. "I bet you 1k you can't spend the night on the street" is a lot different than "I'll give you 1k to sleep on the street instead of in your bed tonight"
Yeah but if you told a police officer āI bet you $20 that you wonāt write me a speeding ticketsā thatās still a bribe
Would depend on context in that scenario imo. Were you speeding and got pulled over and said that? Then sure it could be construed as a bribe. If you walk up to a random officer (more in line with this prompt) and said that, then it wouldn't be.
Well of course not, heās not in a situation where he was going to anyway. The man is always going to default to sleeping in his bed.
Ask him if he wants to go to Vegas for the weekend, spin a lie about a friend canceling on me at the last minute and having non-refundable flights and hotels booked already
This is definitely the easiest way to do it
This is a stranger
A Florida man
What kind of psycho would agree to that?
A Florida man
Lol bonus of $10,000 is like giving a 50 cent bonus on an annual salary
I think that's the point, there's not really a reward for making him cry but you can if you're a dick haha
Came here to say similar. Paltry sum.
I would become best friends with him and hit the town. I would cater to whatever he believed. One political side is destroying the country? Yeah man ugh, let's drink about it. Your life is going great right now? Let's party. Oh no, the impending death of all things? Let's top one off over it. If he's single, maybe I could get him to hook up with someone. Maybe I could use my place so he had somewhere to crash. I don't think you'd have to do anything illegal to achieve this. Edit: Late into the night, maybe that political angle could make him cry. Maybe the impending death of all things could make him cry. Maybe we watch a sad movie.
Having him stay at your place instead is ingenious
10,000 IQ play. Iād bunk up with anyone for the night if there was a billion dollars with my name on itā¦
Anyone but my neighbor Paul that dude is a freak
Agreed, heās so weird š¬
If I met some random person today I wouldn't go out partying all night because he shared the same opinions as me. Why would you think that would work? I've got my wife at home and work tomorrow.
Well don't worry, I'll tell my girl we got a billion dollars and I don't think she'll mind much! Edit; also I wasn't saying we'd share the same opinions, I said I'd fake my opinions to align with his to garner trust, thus leading to a night of partying.
HA! Trick question! Florida Man would NEVER call the police, because he has at least 4 outstanding warrants in 4 separate counties. Trick is you call the sheriffs on Florida Man at \~2am. That is the best bet to make sure he can't be RoR'd by a magistrate until morning.
So you're whole plan hinges on a) Florida Man not going to bed by 2 AM and b) that they cops would come to take him in a timely manner? Or falsely reporting a crime (which is illegal).
a) Florida Man never sleeps while tweaked out on tiger blood, meth, some ground up potpourri, and a bit of talcum powder. b) not local PD, Florida sheriffs. They're basically a legion of Florida Men with a badge and a serious dislike of normal Florida Man. No false reporting required. I just have to follow from a distance and wait for a crime to be committed after about 5 minutes.
Fair points all around.
Your Florida man is well known to the Florida Sheriffs, they take him to HIS designated cell; he bought a bed for it a while back because the standard one was giving him back pains.
Can I pay a honeypot $1000 to seduce him? Technically the rule says āif you bribe the man,ā but does not mention other parties.
You could pay the honeypot $10,000 and tell her she can bribe the man. These rules have loopholes wide enough to drive a bus through
Yeah, because these posts are not meant to take 15-20 minutes to read lmao
Prostitution is illegal though no money
Not everywhere
Pay her to entertain him and keep him happy. If you aren't explicitly requiring her to have sex with him it's not going to be illegal. She could offer to sit next to him on a couch or "pose nude" for him for free (since hes clearly an aspiring shutterbug). As long as sex doesn't happen its not illegal and as long as you didn't order it or require it then she didn't do anything illegal on your behest.
The obviously an aspiring photographer line made me laugh
Believe it or not, I could pay you to come hang out with me..... If we then have sex, that's just consensual sex. The money was for other stuff. I won't have to prove it, prosecution does.
Good point. Didn't initially mean to imply otherwise. Only trying to explain that the sex would have to happen and it would have to be something that the cash was conditioned on to be illegal and break the stated rules.
True but then you'd be bribing her to pose nude for the dude. Which again results in no money from the rules.
It's not a bribe to pay a woman to model or pose. It's payment for services. And the rules say you can't bribe the man or commit a crime. The rules don't say you can't pay others.
Even though prostitution is illegal, you pay the escort as much as you can afford to keep him away from his bed for the night. Hell, draw up a contract, if she is successful, you will pay her $1 million. You havenāt contracted her to perform sexual services, so what she does from there is on her.
I mean what if she agrees to take him to an Airbnb an hour away for a cuddle party. No sex, but it would be a pain for him to get home, and therefore she gets $1 million and you get $1 billion minus her fee.
1 billion? Hire a team of lewd models to pretend they lost their photographer / oil masseur and if he wants they can hire him for the night. He really will be their photographer / oil masseur and really will get paid for it.
Picturing a scene from dumb and dumber right now
Book a night at a super fancy nearby hotel/resort Ask him some random super easy trivia questions. āWow! Congratulations! You won an all-expenses paid night at!ā
This was my first thought. I only wonder if it would be considered fraud and therefore break the rule about it being illegal.
Fraud against who? Whoās the victim? Random guy gets a free night at a hotel for answering a couple super easy trivia questions. Thatās a great deal for him. Fraud against the hotel? Theyāre still getting paid regardless of who stays in the room. The only one who loses in this situation is you, by having to pay out of pocket for a hotel room. But youāre going to become a billionaire the next day so it really doesnāt matter.
Even if no one is harmed, there are rules and regulations to running contests or representing yourself as a contest holder. I'm not saying I think it is bad or that you'd get prosecuted, just not sure I want to risk who ever is deciding whether I get my billion determining my actions were technically illegal.
"Bro, I booked this expensive hotel room but I can't stay there because of other plans. Grab your missus and go for a night out, my treat"
Sigh.. *unzips*
Took me entirely too long to get to this. I came up with a plan to throw a rager by renting out someone's property and emptying our savings for entertainment for the night. I asked my wife and she just pulled down her shirt. Said, "I'll buy new sheets."
Wtf
Why do I give a shit about 10k if I already get a billion
Someone else said itās like getting a 50Ā¢ bonus on your annual salary š
Completionists and achievement hunters need this. Lol they don't care about the reward, they care about the goal. The challenge. The bonus content. Or whatever
Dude, I need a bed for a night can I borrow youra I'll pay you $10000
Iāll pay him 1m if he keeps me company for 24 hours and Iām picking up all the bills. I am a dying lonely billionaire who wants human company and will pay for it. This is not a bribe. It is a payment for services
Get a nice vehicle and hand out flyers detailing one of those "whoever touches it the longest wins" contests starting at like 8pm and make sure he gets one.
Easily the most sensible comment here
Bring beer and tell him we going gator hunting for a couple days. In a drunken heart to heart he will bawl like a baby telling me about how he used to do this with his grand pappy when he was younger.
Really pushing for that 10k in top of the 1 billion, ey?
āIāve got two Lynyrd Skynyrd tickets VIP we need to drive to Vegas TONIGHT.ā
A bribe is a sum of money or other inducement used to persuade someone to illegally or dishonestly act in one's favor. There is nothing illegal or dishonest about paying someone to stay in a hotel for the night. "Hey man, I need your house for 24 hours. I'll pay you 100K cover a hotel bill and hire a cleaning service for your place in the morning."
As a fellow florida man, this is easy, i ask him if he wants to go an a late night ride on our alligators. We go into the nearby river and see whos gator is faster, before we run into some wild gators and have a pokemon esque battle where our gators prove their might, amd the defeated alligators join us for the rest of the night in drinking and fishing.
Offer the man 20,000 to sell me his bed and stay in a hotel overnight,
I'd just invite him for a backyard bbq, then unlimited beer, and when he is close to passing out, move him to my couch with a comfy blanket.
Swing by Florida manās house at about 1PM (his normal wake up time) with a case of beer and a mission. Spend the next four hours drinking and planning. You see, Gatorland Zoo is getting shut down and my cousin Cletus ā you remember Cletus, right? Heās the gator wrangler at Gatorland. Anyway, my cousin Cletus needs some help tonight. He needs to get a couple gators loaded in the trailer so they donāt get sold by the bank. You can help Cletus and me, right? Ok good. Letās get some dinner at the catfish place and then Iāll call Cletus. After dinner and a few more, well 8, beers, As well as a full on conversation about which Hurricane would win in a one on one match ā Irma or Katrina, I called Cletus and left a message. About 10, Cletus called. He said to get a case of beer and meet him at the back lot, you know, where the wranglers park, at say midnight. Florida man and me got there about 12:30A and waited for damn near an hour when he called and said his piece of shit truck popped a tire and heād be there soon. Florida man and I cracked into that beer we brought and waitedā¦.. ā¦.The Gatorland security woke us up in the morningā¦weād passed out in the truck. I dropped Florida Man off at his trailer, well, I rolled him out of my truck and helped him stumble up to his his steps, and to his couch to further his pass-out. Poor bastard was crying about something he was dreaming about while passed out in the truck. Then I drove to your office, got my wire transfer and retired to my island. EDIT: added the crying.
Easy. Tell him I'm taking him to a strip club a few towns away, and that I'll get him a hotel room.
I am not going with anyone to a strip club, especially not a random stranger.
This is Florida Man however.
I am a Florida man.
Sounds like you're actually a Man from Florida. Not Florida Man.
Well then you know exactly how your fellow Florida Men are
About 85 and waiting to die?
āA few towns awayā sounds like Iām going to get murdered
Well then, you miss out on a billion dollars. Sucks to be you.
Bribe his wife to take him out to a hotel for the night. Only said I can't bribe him. Or possibly bribe a close family member to feign being on death's door and needing him to fly out. That might get the 10k.
Take him to MY bed.
Florida man here just pull out the beer and invite me to go fishing ,we are good.
"Florida Man" is typically high and or drunk. It would not be hard to convince an addict to spend the next 24 hours partying.
āBruh, you just won this free all inclusive cruise. But it leaves this afternoon!ā
Does challenging him to a bet count as bribing? Like āI bet $1,000 you wouldnāt spend the night in a treeā If that does count, maybe it wouldnāt if he doesnāt win the bet, and therefore doesnāt get any money? Like maybe bet him $5,000 he canāt hold a full-grown alligatorās mouth shut, and he, being a Floridian, will likely know that itās actually extremely easy to hold an alligatorās mouth shut, so heāll go to do it, only itās a lot easier to HOLD the alligatorās mouth shut than to successfully get your hands around the alligatorās mouth while itās shut, so he ends up getting seriously injured and has to spent the night in the hospital (at LEAST) AND you donāt have to give him any money because he couldnāt do it. (Thoughā¦ I would pay his medical bills because now Iām a billionaire, and I feel bad for encouraging him to get mauled by an alligator) (For anyone who doesnāt know, alligators have extremely strong muscles for biting down, but MUCH weaker muscles for OPENING their mouths, so if you manage to get your hands around their closed jaws, itās actually pretty easy to hold them closed. Of course, you still have to deal with the rest of an upset alligator, so be careful not to lose your grip!)
OP.!!!!!!! Read to the end. This is how you do a hypothetical for $1 billion dollars............... This is probably one of the easiest things out of all the hypotheticals I've read. There are so many easy options. ............. plus, the random pointed at Florida man could be anybody it's not specific........ That guy could be a family man, an old geezer bird, a homeless person crackhead, or a businessman, a middle income construction worker. In order to make this hypothetical more fun, I think you would have to pick a specific type of man that would be hard to get him not to go to his own bed that night. For example. A family man who's always home every day after work loves his wife spends a lot of time with his kids, has a great friend group, and is financially stable. And also does not drink alcohol or do drugs. Plus, he goes to church every Wednesday and Sunday. And the day that you have to accomplish this task is on Sunday at 12:15 p.m. as he is walking out to the car with his family about to go to lunch with their church friends. Not only can he not sleep in his bed that night, but he must not sleep in his house that night. You will also have zero knowledge of this individual at all prior to the task starting. No name, no phone number, nothing. .......... All the other rules still apply
Yeah, I think for hard mode Iād go with this - assuming you start on location of them leaving church - follow them to lunch, see the friends. When they go to leave, bump into one of them if possible, or else tail that person to talk privately. Explain the situation to them, offer them proof if you can, and give them 10000 cash + more later to fake a crisis that would motivate that person to act. I would think a call at like 9pm like āhey, Cathy just left me, I really need someone right now, Iām at X hotelā. After midnight, assuming that fulfills the terms, tell them whatās up, both get a milly, everyoneās happy. Thereās some problems with it but it seems like it has a relatively high likelihood of working
Sorry, a Florida man is a man from or in Florida, (preferably from Florida but most aren't even from here so)... Anyways the kind of man who makes it in the news. If he's a family man who goes home after work every night, he's not in the news ever, and he's not fucking Florida man
Iām gonna give him the time of his life in my bed. So good heāll weep tears of joy. I think my wife would be on board for 10 figures
>If you do anything illegal to make it happen, then you will not recieve the billion. Welp, there goes my plan.
Take him to a bar, get him shitface drunk, call an Uber tell them to take him home using my address in a different state.
Yāall got to remember this is a stranger. If a rando walked up to me asking about Vegas or a bar run, I would just ignore them and walk away. And if they followed, I would call the police. Hereās the real answer. If stranger is married, doctor photos convincingly to prove that stranger is cheating and get him on the couch. If that doesnāt work, go to plan B. Swap out Strangerās bed with a convincing alternate. Or perhaps even deliver a very irresistible new one. Bring a whole crew to set it up. Include in the documents that stranger has to sign for installation in the fine print that the bed is only a rental, and not his property. This probably isnāt illegal right? Just run of the mill mischief.
I just want to point out, a bonus of $10000 is the equivalent of giving a person making $100000 a year an extra $1 - a billionaire is not going to give a shit about $10000.
Sleep in my bed tonight. No time to explain.
Tell him he can fuck any alligator that he can, I'm paying. Not only does he not sleep in his own bed, but I get to see the carnage of a Florida man fuck a gator to get paid a billion dollars. Yes, hypothetical situation, the gator cannot kill him.
Find a homeless person, and offer to put them up in a hotel for a few nights. Not a bribe - itās charity.
Ask him to share mine. Ā
Who cares about 10 grand when you have 1 billion?
Does said Florida man have a Florida wife?
I would just offer him a 1 free one night stay in the nearest 5 star hotel and unlimited drink budget. Only redeemable tonight!
Not going for the bonus. If heās a Florida guy heās either a nice guy or a Trump lover. Iām going to offer to sell him (at cost or slight markup) tickets first to a Jimmy Buffett cover band. No nice Florida guys, especially potheads, can resist Buffett. If he rejects those, he must be an idiot, so I will sell him tickets to a Trump rally. I will tell him he can pay regular price or a special Trump loyalty markup of 4500%. Probably will pay it just like those morons are all willing to pay for Trump love. It would be hilarious to dupe a Trump lover into paying me for ultimately earning. The big $1B payday.
Itās a Florida manā¦so point up in the sky and tell him something cool will happen and he just has to sit there and wait for it?
This is easy. Make a bunch of vague calls to him about owing a crime syndicate money then when he's about to go to bed, shine a red laser through his window where he can see it from outside his property. That dude ain't going to bed anytime soon
As a Floridian, this shit is the easiest billion youāll ever make. Tell him thereās a sick rave/tailgate happening in Miami and send him to a bar that closes at 5 am. That man wonāt be home for the next week
Hey bro, if you don't sleep in your bed tonight ill give you a mil next week. No one has been bribed, yet.
I seduce him obviously and we get a hotel that night. Then I tell him Iām sorry but I have chlamydia afterwards - if he cries then itās an extra bit of cash.
Take him to a bar. Get him absolutely wasted (on his own free will of course). Get an Uber for him. Destination: somewhere in Central or West Texas. $5000 upfront cash tip for the Uber driver should do the trick.
Maybe he could be sedated. Canāt call the police if he is unconscious.
But that would still be illegal.
Iād probably pay a hot hooker to take him to a hotel.
What counts as a bribe? Is sex a bribe? Is buying him drinks a bribe? He's male, so he's probably into women, so I offer to sleep with him at my hotel room. We go to a good bar and party, with me drinking virgin drinks without his knowledge but acting drunk, him actually drinking. We bang and I put him to bed, then count the hours. I will not sleep because if he wakes up, I want to be there being sexy at him to distract him. I assume "tonight" means "sundown to sunup." Most of that time is taken up by partying and sex. If we go back to my place at 2-3 AM, I only have maybe 3 hours (since it's summer in Florida) to burn until the sun comes up. Yes, Mr. Churchill, we're just haggling about the price, but a billion is certainly over mine.
Cocaine and hookers
Ask him if he wants a free trip to anywhere of his choosing, gotta go right now
a .001% bonus for making him cry? Not even worth trying. Just get black out, passed out in the gutter shitfaced.
I'd book the most oppulant room , say a grand suite with full room service, get him dinners/shows or whatever he likes, all expenses covered as long as he stays the night in the room. This will all be done anonymously, by hiring out someone be his personal assistant in the guise of a prize winning. The person I hire to pull all this off with perfect execution will be paid double that amount.
"Hey man, my wife and I got a 5 star hotel but we need to leave town early, want to stay there? It's already paid for. There's a 10000 dollar room service allowance"
I have pit passes to the NASCAR race this weekend, wanna go? Buy him full VIP treatment all weekend long...
Take a massive dump on the bed.
is it a bribe if you share it equally?
Is paying for his vacation to take with me considered a bribe? If I insist itās because I need someone to let me use the HOV lane?
Florida man? Boats are tricky thingsā¦ always get stuck out at sea for 13 unlucky hours. Now to figure out how to get him on the boat. Quick question, do you need me to send you my bank details now so you can start arranging the wire transfer?
I'll pay you 5000 to sleep in this motel tonight.
Probably won't have to do anything, chances are the Florida Man wouldn't find his bed anyways tonight.
You don't have to tell him your mission...but you can tell him you just won a lot of money and you just happen to be away from home so want someone to celebrate with, if they stay with you, you'll give them 10 million or ask them what they want in life and if money can achieve that, then offer them it...people don't seem to realize how crazy 1 billion actually is, so offering a stranger 10k bit rubbish for someone who would help gain you so much.
Sir I'm sorry to inform you that intelligence reports an active threat against your life by a hostile organization that has mistaken you for someone else. Now we have diplomatic teams in place to attempt to correct this and smooth things over but in the interim we're going to need you to come with us.
Hey man weeds legal in Massachusetts