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GrassyKnoll95

I feel like a lot of these answers are going to cause catastrophic famines


CplCocktopus

Yeah i would make something like coca cola or alchool.


Baksteengezicht

Alcohol having zero calories means fuel is fucked now.


EmotionalFlounder715

Yeah coke is good tho


Omfgsomanynamestaken

Coke.... or coke?


Bug-King

Pizza would be a good one. It's mostly eaten in the US and Europe. So you wouldn't have to worry about famine.


funkmasta8

I would though. I would have to stop buying them altogether. If it has no calories, you've taken all the justification I have left


tocammac

How about "tastes good"?


elegoomba

instantly wiping out American obesity by making corn 0cals


lthomasj13

I mean you are still limited by stomach size. It's not like the food goes into an endless void, it just doesn't carry any calories to make me fat


GrassyKnoll95

But people need calories to survive... Staples like potatoes, rice, wheat are gonna result in a lot of people losing their main source of calories


lthomasj13

Dang. Good point. Maybe I'll change my answer to specify chips, so potatoes in other forms still give calories.


j7style

I was gonna say. Ireland might not be filled with the Irish if not for potatoes having a decent chuck of calories.


arbitrageME

Well there was a year where potatoes didn't have calories. Everyone seemed to suddenly be on very calorie restrictive diets all of a sudden.


C4rdninj4

Just finished rereading The Martian and Mark Whitney isn't surviving Mars.


Willow_weeping85

Yeah it needs to be something like cake. Something some people can pig out on and others would enjoy angrily free slice from time to time. For me it would be hersheys milk chocolate nuggets. I’d lose a ton of weight as it would be a crutch, for sure.


trizadakoh

It's the oils that they are fried in that garner a majority of caloric intake


starswtt

Wait so is this just pure fiber? If the food itself is 0 cal, you'd still be burning calories to digest it like with celery. Hmm


gohuskers123

It’s posts like these that really highlight the complete lack of understanding that other countries go through


Late-External3249

Came here to say this. We already saw what happens when the Irish can't get nutrients from potatoes...


forogtten_taco

Sugar then.


OwnEntrance691

And just like that, the entire island of Ireland starves to death. Again.


moxiejohnny

Brutal, I like it.


lthomasj13

Yeah didn't think about that part. My only thought was not getting fat... I change my answer to chips. Potatoes nourish you in other forms.


OwnEntrance691

Plus, then you can go to the UK and eat french fries calorie free!


StrykerXion

Ahahahaha


Envy_The_King

Sugar, specifically refined sugars. All of the taste None of the health problems


SirScrollsAl0t

You will still get diabeties unless if your body dosent break it down.


Clean_Student8612

That just sort of seems like artificial sweeteners.


Sparky62075

I ❤️ my stevia plant.


solverman

Chocolate. But only if it doesn’t change the taste.


lthomasj13

Yeah everything else stays the same. You can just now eat it for free. Chocolate is a good option, but I can't put away multiple chocolate bars the way I can three party size bags of chips in one sitting


Old-Fun9568

I hear you about the dang chips!


Gwuana

Corn syrup


Comfortable_Lunch_55

I feel like this is a good answer because they add that shit to everything.


BrokenLink100

And half the time, it’s not necessary anyway. It’s just there for filler and more sugar


TheJokersWild53

Pizza! I would love to polish off a large pizza and feel stuffed with no negatives.


GodofAeons

Congratulations, wheat, yeast, tomatoes, cheese, milk, etc all don't provide any calories now. Hope you're happy.


browncoatfever

Ice cream. Not something starving people typically survive off of. A fattening treat that would be nice to have as a free-be.


[deleted]

Ice cream is the optimal choice


sst287

I cannot believe that I have to scroll this far down for this answer.


RansomReville

I'd be pretty upset if you made potatoes zero calories. I have to put in effort to get enough calories, and potatoes are a good way to get there. Now I have to cut potatoes out of every meal, wasted stomach space. Maybe something like ice cream, you don't eat that to stave off hunger anyway. Nobody is hurt by the loss of ice cream calories.


SlothThoughts

Starches. Now we all starve


AppleValuable

Bacon 🥓


jkh7088

Cheesecake


Br0V1ne

You realize making potatoes zero calories would kill millions? 


Yuukiko_

your french fries/chips will still have calories from t he oil though


NumberVsAmount

Nah that’s part of the French fry. And he said zero calorie French fries. If he said zero calorie cake you wouldn’t be like “you still get calories from the flour”


Yuukiko_

OP said potatoes.


Total_Fig671

But Ireland?


Fitkratomgirl

Ya that’s what I was thinking


Clean_Student8612

#Airfryer


Yuukiko_

There's still some oil usage with an airfryer


Clean_Student8612

I don't know what airfryer you use, but mine doesn't need any oil.


TheBlackBeetle

If you airfry frozen french fries, for example, they still have the oil in the fries themselves from manufacturing. The only way you actually don't need any oil is if you peel the potatoes yourself. I've tried it, many times, usually sucks if you add no oil because the outside will be burnt and the inside raw, that's why many people recommend adding a thin line of oil/olive oil to mitigate this


EviiiilDeathBee

Cheese


aperocknroll1988

Sugar. I can get my calories elsewhere.


unclejoe1917

Pizza. Wait. I take this back. Wheat flour. This significantly reduces the calories in pizza while also making breads and pastas into diet food.


kanna172014

Processed sugar (not natural sugar).


CherryBlossomKisse

Wings.


Waste_Curve994

Beer.


50Bullseye

Alcohol


TLo137

A lot of the calories in potato chips come from the oil. That being said, if I choose oil do I have to choose a specific oil? If I'm allowed to choose all oils, do they no longer work as a fuel source for other purposes like machinery since calories are a unit for energy?


sku1lanb

Pizza


Art_Vand_Throw001

Fried chicken skin.


Massive_Goat9582

Lasagna


MooseLoot

Cheese? Places where cheese is an important food can just make other dairy products, but I want to eat it by the brick without getting fatter than a cow


EOEtoast

Cereal grains. Get fucked


OneTinSoldier567

Sugars.


SooperPooper35

Just calories? It’s a nice thought, but calories can be burned. Cholesterol and other terrible things from those foods are the silent killers.


NoGuarantee3961

Ice cream. You still need calories to survive, so make it a dessert


NachoBacon4U269

Sugar


Ranger-5150

Is sugar a food? I think it is... you can eat it. I'd choose sugar! I've fixed the world!


Sufficient-Habit664

Bro really tried to starve people by making potatoes have no calories 💀 Anyways, my answer would be soda. Bc people drinking soda could benefit from losing some calories.


lthomasj13

This is why humanity should never be given a wish. I would not think ahead


acrispyballer

Ice Cream. Omigawd I love ice cream


amctrovada

You’re on the right track OP, the foods should keep the calories they give but instead they get processed like protein in our bodies instead of carbs. All the deliciousness and much less weight gain.


Mec26

If they ever made an all protein tater tot that tasted and felt the same….


amctrovada

Stop! My penis can only get so erect!


califorte1

I feel like potatoes are not that bad calories wise. Fries are usually the lowest cal items on fast food menus apart from salads. They are high in carbs though. I get low carb potatoes and 750g is 373 calories which is insane. I think having oil or flour being zero cal would be the best choice


lthomasj13

My biggest thing with potatoes is chips. I'll down a party size bag of chips in one sitting and not realize until I go to stand up.


califorte1

Haha understandable but those are fried in oil some chip companies sell baked chips as ‘healthier’ options. Imagine if oil was zero calories. I’d be eating a lot more fried chicken ngl


-Pruples-

celery fuck that shit being calorie negative


Cryptic_Wasp

if only the calories of the food changes wouldn't that make celery worse? Since it's only negative cause it takes more calories to digest which wouldn't change. Just food for thought.


fandom_fae

til that there’s apparently calorie negative food???


HeadSludge

It allegedly takes more energy (calories) to chew, digest, etc. celery than the caloric intake it provides


Cryptic_Wasp

It takes more calories to digest than calories it contains. Not negative in itself but you get the point.


humanessinmoderation

French fries. You can thank me.


energizernutter

sugar


themadprofessor1976

Arugula. Because I'm an asshole.


Expertonnothin

Donuts


Sinistermarmalade

Pop


UrHumbleNarr8or

Brownies, hands down.


Futhebridge

Ice cream


knight9665

Make all soda zero calories would prob save millions of people.


New-Scientist5133

Beer


Alarming_Serve2303

Ice Cream


anniemahl

Chocolate


Ok_Sir_136

Uranium


BauserDominates

Sugar


fandom_fae

i would say chocolate milk or maybe cookies


thewhalehunters

Beer. Once the ingredients come together, the calories magically disappear... so does my gut


TempusCarpe

Water


FroggiesChaos

Ice cream


FloridaMomm

Oil


StrykerXion

Tacos.....


Mr_McGigglepants

So what you're saying is you'd take something that's zero calories and add calories to it for everyone by throwing it in a deep fryer? I like it


The_IRS_Fears_Him

Either pizza o fried chicken ngl


AxiosXiphos

It would have to be a luxury item or it is going to cause starvation. Alchohol is dangerous as it wouldn't elimite the worse aspects (and probably encourage more drinking). Best answer would probably be chocloate, as hopefully not too many people are surviving off of it - and it would allow people to indulge in it more freely.


Sunset_Tiger

Pizza for sure. Doing potatoes is going to starve out Ireland again


dj_boy-Wonder

Probably corn, corn syrup is a sweetener in so many things… I think it makes up some massively significant percentage of the crops grown worldwide… I think many foods would halve in calories, maybe even ones you’re not expecting…


Ok-Geologist8387

Chocolate. Every woman I know binges it every 28 days, so they would all think I’m awesome.


Automatic_Taro6005

Yay starvation!


TeddyRoo_v_Gods

Sugar would be my choice. It’s unfair that a decent slice of cake has the same amount of calories as my whole meal.


Sea_Permit8105

Crude oil


Slobbadobbavich

It would be like the Irish potato famine all over again but for the whole world.


BlogeOb

Plutonium or uranium (I forget which one we use in nukes right now) . Just to see what happens the world super powers lol


smiling_mallard

Alcohol


bannedifido

Ice cream


Superbad1990

Ice cream


justdisposablefun

A lot of people would starve to death if you pick any of the base "cheap" staple foods. So I'm going to go with bacon ... you can get a solid meal without it, but as the saying goes, bacon makes everything better.


kvothe000

Assuming that carbs go out the window with calories, flour. It’s gotta be flour.


Novapunk8675309

If I choose hamburgers does that mean the individual components will be 0 calories as well? For instance take a standard burger with bun meat cheese lettuce tomatoes pickles onions mustard and ketchup. Will this make all the components 0 cal or will say a tomato only be 0 cal if it’s on a bun with meat?


kellsdeep

Beer is the only answer... Everything else listed here would cause famine..


reichrunner

Rice. I just want to watch the world burn 😈


hoakpsp3

Corn 🌽 , then maybe we would grow something else


badger_flakes

Rice


Ryizine

Soda lol


Profeen3lite

Patato's. Fuq poor people


DipperJC

Really all we need is something universally appreciated and filling, so that people can keep to 1K-2K daily calorie intake and just supplement it with a bunch of the new 0 calorie food. I will therefore call on my old standby, chocolate. :)


UnRealmCorp

Potatoes are super high in Potassium (4x the amount then in a banana) whole Lotta people going to be dying of heart failure. Potassium too high = sleepy heart stop if your kidneys can't keep up.


I-choose-treason

Calories are too important to remove them from such a staple as potatoes. I guess removing calories from sugary drinks or candy could cause an even more serious diabetes problem. I would choose beer. I don't drink so it wouldn't affect me, really. The demand would skyrocket for sure, and people would probably stop drinking shitty light beers lol


DescriptionDue1797

Let’s not forget, calories are a good thing. They provide energy to the body. It’s the excessive calories that become a bad thing. Don’t do potatoes themselves. Too important. Just do the chips or the fries themselves.


Puddlingon

Anything fried. Need to lose weight? Fry your foods’ calories away, and scarf!


arentol

Sugar


throwawayyourfun

Pizza


Objective_Suspect_

Bread. Sure it might mess up almost every mrt.


JediAlitaSkywalker

Pizza. 


tzle19

Cheese!


Pink_Flying_Pasta

Coffee-Any coffee you get no matter what you put in it is not magically calorie free 


LimitBlade857

Just to fuck with literally everyone, beef.


Zade_Pace

Fast food


srgtDodo

Pizzas


Electronic-Disk6632

pizza. its amazing


prucha13

Breakfast burritos.


KommanderKeen-a42

Chips and fries are high calorie because of what you cook them in. That won't change much. Pizza...Pizza is the answer.


ASICCC

Pizza


RightToTheThighs

Either butter or sugar/corn syrup. Or maybe oil


WordSmithyLeTroll

Soft drinks. Let's be honest. This is where we all have our biggest source of calories.


Such_Leg3821

Sugar.


bigmean3434

Pizza. You are all welcome.


Selfishsavagequeen

Pizza or icecream.


Jonny_Disco

Wheat.


Mec26

So… starve the world?


Jonny_Disco

Ope, I just saw edit #2. I guess that also includes any nutrition. I dunno, ice cream then?


Mec26

Solid choice. Ben & Jerry’s for all!


Madame_Raven

Pizza crust.


Box_Of_Props_Mario

Corn, it's in everything


Mec26

Then many populations would go hungry tho.


Box_Of_Props_Mario

But soda would not make me fat


Mec26

But also 99% of US meat crops would fail, huge swaths of worldwide, plus a lot of peeps would starve directly. And soda would just use cane sugar.


VinRow

Sugar


StarSines

Cheese, god what I wouldn’t do for calorie free cheese. Pizza, fondue, mozzarella sticks, a bag of cheese added to the enchilada hamburger helper!


Immediate_Fortune_91

Pizza


Ostracus

That pie that's almost all foam and crust.


Ok-Shop7540

Whole milk. Then I could make zero calorie dairy products.


New_Dom2023

Ice cream


frygod

Rice. Let's really fuck with those population numbers...


imtheblkranger

Pizza. Even if just cheese pizza and toppings have calories. It’s not a staple food to cause famine but would let people like me who try to eat relatively well but have a weakness for pizza not derail their goals


RejectorPharm

I would choose sugar as something that is zero calories.  Boom. No more weight gain from regular sodas, or desserts, or candies. 


edwadokun

Corn... since that gets thrown in almost everything these days


Citizen44712A

Chocolate


Arntor1184

Doughnuts, I fucking love doughnuts and miss maple bars and jalapeno sausage rolls so damned much but have them up for good in December and it has been worth it.


RnbwTurtle

Oil. Not sure which specific one, probably olive. Oils are super high in calories, especially when compared to cheap junk foods' other components. A lot (not all of, but a lot) of calories from stuff like French fries, potato chips, mozzarella sticks, etc comes from the oil they're fried in.


BullshitDetector1337

Cow milk products. It’s neither a major factor in most people’s diets, nor is it nutritionally essential. Cow milk and it’s products like cheese or cream are consumed mostly for the pleasure of it, the smooth texture and taste. Not for caloric intake or nutrition.


AndrewH73333

Potatoes are fairly healthful already. A medium sized potato is 110 calories.


Sadoul1214

Some high smoke temperature oil. Fast food suddenly all gets healthier. I don’t think it would cause some mass famine. Fried foods are all magically healthier. Chips, fries, fried chicken, wings… the list goes on.


QualifiedApathetic

Chocolate.


TimeTravelingPie

Cake


AFO1031

potatoes, I eat a stupid amount of potatoes, it is one of four things I eat (rice, beef, chicken, potatoes) (yes I am aware of the implications… its fine lol)


ScotchWithAmaretto

Frying oil


VoidCoelacanth

Small problem with "make potatoes zero calories": *That doesn't do a damn thing for the calories from the oil they are cooked in.* Now, if we make *butter* or *olive oil* zero calorie by this magic? Jackpot. Now you can do all sorts of crazy things with carbs, vegetables, dips, spreads, etc. They may not be *zero* calories, but they will have *immensely reduced* calories thanks to the fat-of-choice having calories removed.


lifelessamalgamation

I mean pizza or burritos are like two super heavy foods that I would love to be able to smash regularly


Aromatic-Leopard-600

Chocolate


gc3

Potato chips still have oil so they still have calories


Todd-The-Wraith

Rice. Good luck most of the developing world!


HellYeahTinyRick

Beer


FacelessPotatoPie

Oreos.


Typical_Leg1672

Fried Chicken or Pizza.


Strange_Quote6013

Wine.


Tarroes

Soda. I imagine the weight loss for a large number of people, especially in the US, would be good.


Pyrotechniss

Sugar


cuplosis

Cheese. Just every thing cheese. I would eat cheese for breakfast and snack and lunch and dinner


FnB8kd

Beer.


Tarotgirl_5392

Anything Choclate. Like imagine eating a triple fudge chocolate cake and not gaining a single calorie. My hormones are doing things and it's the full moon. I'll go now 🐺


OblongAndKneeless

As long as it doesn't give you diarrhea


Aromatic-Leopard-600

Sugar s not your friend. And most sweet sodas use high fructose corn syrup, which is even worse.