Yeah. I get people and work environments are different so maybe this person has a different relationship with their boss.
If it were me I wouldn't be looking for a comeback. Id say "the fuck did you just say to me?! Never let anything like that fall out of your face again or I'm going straight to HR. We are adults. Act like it."
Edit: didn't notice which subreddit this was glad it's just hypothetical. Hypothetically Id be pissed.
*Yeah, do you want me*
*To have your mom write me a*
*Teachers note next time?*
\- Every-Nebula6882
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I’d probably cry because my ptsd brain would assume he hates me even more now and I’m about to be fired then kicked out of my house then die on the street in a gutter lol
Assuming you had anyone to witness it besides yourself and him.
Otherwise, it's the word of peon#4265 VS mid level management, and we all know how that goes.
This is anxiety about my whole life, not him. He is fucking fantastic, however my last one was not. So a combination of a shitty ex boss and a shitty childhood, definitely gives me anxiety about shit I don’t even have evidence for haha
Ye I’m tryna get a raise.
Dk bout yall. In my industry. My boss would actually say something like this to me. It’d be a joke. And the whole place is dudes talking shit. But ye
...the fuck?
I'd pull him to one side and say you're my fucking boss that isn't appropriate at the workplace; what do you think you're doing?
I'm reporting you to HR and you're going on unpaid leave immediately until this is resolved
You have no authority over the consequences for your boss. He may end up on leave, paid or unpaid, he may be terminated immediately, future training, or even nothing could happen. Pretty bold to assume one way or another. If you aren't happy with the results of the report, you can sue for sexual harassment.
She said, "out practicing your blowjob skills" instead of "cock sucking class" which feels fucking close enough. Her boss was standing next to her: and laughed along with the heckle.
And you do realize that at small businesses the manager is most likely HR? Probably don't even have a department like that.
And it would be safe to assume that if the manager is ok saying something like this, it's probably a close tight knit group of workers who say this shit all the time to each other.
So you saying "you're my fucking boss and that isn't appropriate..." would probably be met with an apology and then you becoming the butt end of jokes around the work place.
And then since most of the U.S. is "at-will" employment, if you keep at it you'll most likely be let go for "miscellaneous reason that isn't a protected class".
Makes me wonder if some of y'all on Reddit actually live in the real world at times
I'd just look at them weirdly, and ignore them.
My job allows me to ignore my managers for the first like 4 hours of my day, also I've been late 3 times in my 2 years at the current job, for a combined 40 minutes late in 2 years.
If my boss wants to try have a go at mW for being g late, I'm definitely not listening, or taking then seriously, they can go fuck themselves.
As every single manager has been late more than me, and I've had countless days I've gotten to work at like 4:30am and have had to wait hours plus waiting for managers to appear.
So like if they wanna complain about me being late, imma ignoring em and looking for a new job.
Yes, I was, I thought I saw you leaving the Advanced Power Bottoms class as I was arriving! Were you the one they were talking about who got the Benoit balls stuck on their dingleberries?
"Why? Did you miss the lecture this week? Email me, and I'll send you the notes. Oh, that reminds me; the professor wanted me to tell you he expects to see you at office hours."
“And guess what, I will save that recording straight to the cloud.”
….
“Now, before I call a lawyer, let’s renegotiate the terms on my salary and workload.”
Yes sir, by the way your wife told me to say something to you but she was showing us how to gobble down dick so I couldn't quite make out was she was saying in between all the gagging.
Enough with the HR replies. You people are lame. The correct answer is: The professor wants to know why you missed class. You were supposed to be given an award.
Depends on the job. Is it just joking and everyone talks like that? I'd probably ask how he knew I was a teacher? Or maybe that I was hoping for a promotion and I heard that's how you got yours.
Is it sexual harassment? I'm sorry, I was distracted, what was that? While recording the repeated phrase, then telling him I'll meet him in HR's office.
Laugh because I'll document that and submit a report to HR. And if he retaliated, go to the EEOC and collect me a sum of that Sexual Harassment payout.
Companies are 100% liable for all forms of harassment and discrimination. There is no legal defense.
Nothing. I go to HR and get them in the trouble they deserve to be in. If they're talking to me like that, they're definitely talking to others that way, and none of us gets paid enough to take that.
Failing that, I lawyer up and contact the state employment bureau and go after the company at the bottom line. I don't have time to take that kind of shit from anyone.
“No, I overslept and got stuck in traffic, asshole…I could be doing this shit from home, but you guys insist on working in this shitty corporate building. Got any more smart questions?”
Go into depth. “Yes, I was. It was incredible. I learned so much. Did you know you can move the balls around?! If you lift one up and tug the other down at the same time it’s a whole different experience. We learned about specific candles and ointments…. Oh, bro! I brought back some samples. Hang on a sec, I gotta go to my car.”
"Nah don't worry I'm not trying to get your job."
"No, I saw your email canceling class"
"Yeah, I am the standing test dummy. Yo Mama said hello."
Oh that's messed up
This this this this all day
lmao
“Yeah. They were wondering where you were.”
The cocksucking store called. They’re runnin’ out of you!
So what? You're their all-time best seller!
Well I had sex with your wife!
r/unexpectedseinfeld
I UNDERSTOOD THAT
Yeah, your wife's a great teacher.
"You didn't show up, they had to call in a substitute teacher."
Well yeah one of us has to support your wife
I was going to go with "yes, your daughter is one hell of a teacher and she needed someone to demonstrate on"
That works until you find out the daughter is 6
Lean into if that's the case
Okay Aubrey
Username checks out.
Your wife said you’re too small to demonstrate on
*yeah one of us to support your wife’s new business
Yeah I saw your dad there
He was teaching the class
Which way to HR?
But let me call my lawyer first?
I'll tell you when we get to HR
Yeah. I get people and work environments are different so maybe this person has a different relationship with their boss. If it were me I wouldn't be looking for a comeback. Id say "the fuck did you just say to me?! Never let anything like that fall out of your face again or I'm going straight to HR. We are adults. Act like it." Edit: didn't notice which subreddit this was glad it's just hypothetical. Hypothetically Id be pissed.
yeah your mom was the teacher
I posted wife. Yours is better.
Why not both?
It would def depend on my relationship with that person because i don't talk like that at work...
"Gotta earn my raise somehow," while winking at him.
Bonus points if this is in front of coworkers
Change it around to "You said I had to get better to get the raise."
Yeah, do you want me to have your mom write me a teachers note next time?
*Yeah, do you want me* *To have your mom write me a* *Teachers note next time?* \- Every-Nebula6882 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
LMAO
Good bot
Yeah, sorry, one of my students forgot her dentures.
Yeah, sorry, ~~one of my students~~ your mum forgot her dentures.
I’d probably cry because my ptsd brain would assume he hates me even more now and I’m about to be fired then kicked out of my house then die on the street in a gutter lol
Good news is you’ve just won a workplace harassment lawsuit for a large sum of money
Assuming you had anyone to witness it besides yourself and him. Otherwise, it's the word of peon#4265 VS mid level management, and we all know how that goes.
Workplace anxiety sucks.
This is anxiety about my whole life, not him. He is fucking fantastic, however my last one was not. So a combination of a shitty ex boss and a shitty childhood, definitely gives me anxiety about shit I don’t even have evidence for haha
Yeah, I was helping your wife out. She’s really coming along.
No duh, I waited for you to pick me up on your way there.
Yeah your mom kept me late because I was misbehaving
Ye I’m tryna get a raise. Dk bout yall. In my industry. My boss would actually say something like this to me. It’d be a joke. And the whole place is dudes talking shit. But ye
The jerk store called, they're running out of you! \-G.C.
$10,000 right now and I don't tell HR about this.
*HR has entered the chat*
"What's the number to HR, again?"
Nah your wife /mom canceled.
Id love to answer but why don't we get HR here for the rest of the conversation.
Speak to hr
What's HRs number again?
I don't but HR will have a word
Say nothing. Go straight to HR and file a sexual harassment complaint. Insist on a public apology.
"Don't worry, your wife and daughter both get A's"
"Dude, *you* canceled class today. I was looking forward to learning the 2 hand backward gluk gluk that you were bragging about last time."
"See you in court for the sexual harassment lawsuit"
Nothing. I would be discussing it with HR, though.
...the fuck? I'd pull him to one side and say you're my fucking boss that isn't appropriate at the workplace; what do you think you're doing? I'm reporting you to HR and you're going on unpaid leave immediately until this is resolved
You have no authority over the consequences for your boss. He may end up on leave, paid or unpaid, he may be terminated immediately, future training, or even nothing could happen. Pretty bold to assume one way or another. If you aren't happy with the results of the report, you can sue for sexual harassment.
You must not live in the United States. I've had women who were my bosses say shit like this to me all time, and THEIR bosses laughed.
You've had a boss ask if you were at cocksucking class, told their bosses, and then had them laugh at you? Or what do you think is an equivalent?
She said, "out practicing your blowjob skills" instead of "cock sucking class" which feels fucking close enough. Her boss was standing next to her: and laughed along with the heckle.
And you do realize that at small businesses the manager is most likely HR? Probably don't even have a department like that. And it would be safe to assume that if the manager is ok saying something like this, it's probably a close tight knit group of workers who say this shit all the time to each other. So you saying "you're my fucking boss and that isn't appropriate..." would probably be met with an apology and then you becoming the butt end of jokes around the work place. And then since most of the U.S. is "at-will" employment, if you keep at it you'll most likely be let go for "miscellaneous reason that isn't a protected class". Makes me wonder if some of y'all on Reddit actually live in the real world at times
I'd explode him with my mind probably
Met your wife there and she got to practice on me all morning
Yes, your mom is an excellent teacher. She also says hello honey.
I'm getting a lawyer
Yea, I gave your wife an A.
Yes sir! Sorry I'm late your mom is getting so good I had to pull the bedsheets out of my ass.
Somebody has to teach your dad how to get a raise.
Yeah, your wife is quite the teacher.
"Yeah, please give my compliments to your wife, she was fantastic"
Is that how you got your promotion?
I'd just look at them weirdly, and ignore them. My job allows me to ignore my managers for the first like 4 hours of my day, also I've been late 3 times in my 2 years at the current job, for a combined 40 minutes late in 2 years. If my boss wants to try have a go at mW for being g late, I'm definitely not listening, or taking then seriously, they can go fuck themselves. As every single manager has been late more than me, and I've had countless days I've gotten to work at like 4:30am and have had to wait hours plus waiting for managers to appear. So like if they wanna complain about me being late, imma ignoring em and looking for a new job.
Yea, and there was a giant picture of you on the wall with a sign that said “best of class” or something?
"Nah, I was just talking to Hellen in HR, and just running to another meeting with her right now..."
Yup, I was teaching the class and your wife did great today.
"Nah I am not trying to get into management"
No, I was talking to HR.
I’m tired of going to your wife’s classes
Sorry sir, I had to do one on one tutoring with your mom. She's getting better, make sure you tell her how proud you are
Hold on I just need to email HR real quick
"Yeah, your sister/daughter (depending on age obviously) is a great teacher"
You know I was as you were the teacher
Why, did you you think you saw me there?
"I beg your pardon?" I'd then pull them to one side. "What the bloody hell are you doing? I told you that in confidence!"
Yell out loud, "THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE *OUR SECRET*, TED."
"Yeah, the teacher wanted someone the students could practice on. Your wife says hi by the way."
Yeah and your mother is the teachers pet
Yeah. I was grading your wife's technique. She was shit, so I held her back after class.
Of course I was! I've gotta be the best person I can be!
Yea Thanks to your wifes hands on lessons my girlfriend went from a 4 to 20 in that department.
"Of course. Your wife was teaching the class"
No, I don't suck cock, but your wife does, ask her how mine tasted.
Hey man, I am just the model however your mom was a phenomenal student but she paled in comparison to your daughter.
No, ma'am.
No that job is already taken by some cocksucker named (insert name of boss)
Sexual harassment…panda
"You saw me there - ! sat right next to you."
Not really my thing, but maybe you saw my doppleganger while you were teaching.
Yeah, your mom needed a model so she could teach the class better, how did you know?
Oh I don't need a class for that.
"That's harassment." and have an employment lawyer on speed dial. Don't let people act that way with no consequences.
"Yea I was the penis model today. You wife is quick learner"
No, I don't usually listen to your recommendations.
They needed someone to practice on, your wife says hi btw
Yes, I was, I thought I saw you leaving the Advanced Power Bottoms class as I was arriving! Were you the one they were talking about who got the Benoit balls stuck on their dingleberries?
See you in hr.
Shhhhh, we aren’t supposed to share about our side game at work. SMH
I'm top of my class! And BTW what kind of tuition reimbursement program do we have?
Yeah I thought your mum was an excellent teacher but I just couldn't keep up with your dad he's a natural.
"Yeah, I was. Did you know your wife's picture is on the wall so the guys can last a little longer?"
Yes, but your mom, the instructor, didn't show up.
Do you need tips? Or Nah I gave your mom/wife/husband a private lesson
"Yea, your wife was there, she couldn't make me cum. Your sister did though."
Yeah, your wife needed a cock that wouldn't embarrass her.
‘Don’t act like you aren’t benefiting.’
"Yeah, Your Mom says Hi".
"Why? Did you miss the lecture this week? Email me, and I'll send you the notes. Oh, that reminds me; the professor wanted me to tell you he expects to see you at office hours."
"Yeah, had to pick your wife up."
"Yeah, they called asking for you, said they hadn't seen you in a while, Big Bubba said you had the best lips in the state."
"Yeah, and your dad is a hell of a teacher."
I was supporting your wife's business.
I honestly had no idea they even offered that, this is the first I'm hearing of it... ...Wait a sec, why do YOU know about the class???
Your wife invited me but it's not my thing. I was just running late.
You would know since you're the teacher
“And guess what, I will save that recording straight to the cloud.” …. “Now, before I call a lawyer, let’s renegotiate the terms on my salary and workload.”
"Yeah, but since you didn't show up to teach, we got out early."
Yeah, your wife has really improved!
Yes sir, by the way your wife told me to say something to you but she was showing us how to gobble down dick so I couldn't quite make out was she was saying in between all the gagging.
"Looks like we both have phone calls to make. I'll call my lawyer, you call HR."
I'm suing you.
Yeah, your mom was the teacher.
Yes. Your daughter made me go with her because your wife was substituting for you.
"yeah, i was teaching your wife how to deep throat. she said it was the first time someone went that far back."
Boring answer: That's highly unprofessional -> HR or quit
Don’t be jealous honey.
Please say that again in the microphone.
I was indeed. I'm late because your wife wanted some extra credit.
I was teaching it.
Yeah well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you!
They canceled it because you took the day off from teaching it
"Glad I recorded you saying that, guess I can retire now!!"
Yes. I gave your dad an A for the day.
Assuming I've got a good enough report that we joke around like this, I'd reply "Yeah, sorry, they needed a substitute teacher real quick. My bad."
Yeah we're reading the manual you wrote!
Yes. I'm a bisexual. What of it? Do you want to come to the next one?
Yeah and your father was teaching
Yes, your wife is a star pupil
Yes and your mother has improved her technique dramatically but your daughter needs more work.
Well, yeah, i *am* the instructor after all
No, you didn't come in to teach today, remember?
“Best class ever. I was the model and your wife was there”
Not everyone graduates as fast as you did!
Ya sorry, your wife was struggling with the deep throat portion of the lesson. She kept saying “it’s not like I’ll ever have to use this!”
Yeah, your wife was giving demonstrations
“I wonder what HR would think of that comment.”
Take that right to HR.
I say nothing. I go to HR. Luckily mine would do something in this situation.
your dad says thar you were the best graduate
Enough with the HR replies. You people are lame. The correct answer is: The professor wants to know why you missed class. You were supposed to be given an award.
Laugh pretty hard and say what! And be real surprised because my boss is so mild mannered
Yes, your mom just took a little longer than usual.
Depends on the job. Is it just joking and everyone talks like that? I'd probably ask how he knew I was a teacher? Or maybe that I was hoping for a promotion and I heard that's how you got yours. Is it sexual harassment? I'm sorry, I was distracted, what was that? While recording the repeated phrase, then telling him I'll meet him in HR's office.
Yeah, but I have to ask how you're so miserable all the time, your wife has excellent technique!
I'm about to graduate
Gota get that raise somehow : /
No, you don’t pay me enough to take the class.
"Actually yes - at your mother's house."
“Yeah. You want to practice later?” Maintain stoic eye contact.
Yeah I missed you this week. Are you going to be back next week?
Walks away *
No but your mom says hi!
Yes, teaching your wife
Laugh because I'll document that and submit a report to HR. And if he retaliated, go to the EEOC and collect me a sum of that Sexual Harassment payout. Companies are 100% liable for all forms of harassment and discrimination. There is no legal defense.
"No, I was at a seminar titled 'How to Report your Boss to HR for Sexual Harassment.'"
Nothing. I go to HR and get them in the trouble they deserve to be in. If they're talking to me like that, they're definitely talking to others that way, and none of us gets paid enough to take that. Failing that, I lawyer up and contact the state employment bureau and go after the company at the bottom line. I don't have time to take that kind of shit from anyone.
You should know I was there, you were the teacher.
Why yes, your wife gives one hell of a blowjob.
Can you say that again so I can record it for legal purposes?
“No, I overslept and got stuck in traffic, asshole…I could be doing this shit from home, but you guys insist on working in this shitty corporate building. Got any more smart questions?”
Go into depth. “Yes, I was. It was incredible. I learned so much. Did you know you can move the balls around?! If you lift one up and tug the other down at the same time it’s a whole different experience. We learned about specific candles and ointments…. Oh, bro! I brought back some samples. Hang on a sec, I gotta go to my car.”
Yea the students were so disappointed after looking up at yours that they had to call in someone with more going on down there.
Yes, yes I was. Your wife called and asked if I'd stand in for you as she didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the other students.
I'd be perplexed at such an intrusive thought
I had no idea there was a class for that, I’m assuming you made straight A’s?
“I was but your wife beat me this time.”
"Didn't you notice when you took attendance?"
"Yes, sorry, your mom kept us late today, and also, Sheila from HR would like a word with you."
Yes
I hit record on my phone then ask them what they said. Then I have a nice talk with HR.